Chapter Twenty

Jacob and Renesmee kept their promise and visited Forks in September. It was a pleasant surprise, but Renesmee was on a mission that Jacob wasn't aware of until everybody was.

After being greeted at the main house, Renesmee sat in the living room with Jacob, across from her parents. It was hardly a reunion and more of a meeting. Neither Bella nor Edward really know what to expect because Jacob didn't know, either. Bella could tell because Renesmee sat calmly with her hands folded in her lap instead of intertwined with Jacob's.

"Mom, Dad," Renesmee said, "I want to have a baby."

Edward blinked twice. Bella didn't move at all. Jacob's eyes widened as he turned to look at Renesmee.

"What?" Jacob asked.

"I know what I said," Renesmee told him, "and you do, too." She looked back to her parents. "So, what do you guys think?"

"You've been married for two months," Bella said, as if it meant anything. Before Renesmee could point out the fact that Bella and Edward had been married for about two weeks before she became pregnant, Bella went on. "And I highly doubt it's possible for you to carry a child, anyway."

"Me, too," Edward said. "As long as you're not physically changing, I can't see any possible ways for you to healthily have a child, if at all."

"Dad, you're human again," Renesmee said. "After being immortal for over two hundred years, Carlisle found a way for you to be human again, and now you're denying the possibility of me having a child."

"The remedy was to give others a chance," Edward retorted. "It's not the same thing."

"Well, Carlisle's smart," Renesmee said, her tone headstrong, "and I believe he can create something."

"Ness, this isn't magic we're dealing with here," Bella told Renesmee. "Even if Carlisle was to come up with something, you would still be playing with your life. It's not a simple task. And did you even think to consider Jacob's opinion in any of this?"

Bella trapped Jacob. He already knew his opinion was in agreement with Renesmee since it had to be, but he still had to say the sensible thing.

Renesmee turned to Jacob. "Do you think we shouldn't do this?" she asked him with eyes like daggers.

"No, of course not," he replied. "I mean, if it's not safe, we shouldn't try it. I don't want to put you in danger."

"But, Jake -" Ness began.

"No," Bella asserted.

Renesmee looked to her father. He just shook his head.

"It doesn't matter who you ask," Bella said. "It's still a no."

Renesmee pursed her lips together. She wasn't winning like she usually did. She'd been winning at nearly every point in her life up to now. And she hated to admit it, but the concept of being denied after getting everything her way was brand-new. And it hurt.

"If there was a way for it to be safe," Renesmee said to Jacob, "could we?"

"There's no way for it be safe," Jacob replied, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, but no."

She'd been completely overruled, even by Jacob. It just wasn't fucking fair.

Renesmee and Jacob didn't stay in Forks very long after that. She had no other business being there. She'd said her hellos, she'd said her goodbyes, and on the car ride back to Ocean Shores, she didn't say much at all. She just stared out her window.

She had actually been told no, and for the first time in her life. She wish she was used to it. She wished her parents and aunts and uncles and grandparents had denied buying her whatever she wanted in the past, because those material items didn't matter anymore. All she wanted now was a baby. She shouldn't have even told her parents that she wanted one, anyway; it was her body, so she should have been allowed to do what she wanted. But she always had special circumstances in every scenario. It was natural.

What was so silly was that she didn't even ask her parents, and they had said no. She should have been more assertive. She certainly knew what she wanted. Love, wedding, and marriage had already been checked off her little list of to-dos. Something that was equally hers and equally Jacob's was next.

"We can always adopt," was what Jacob told her on the way home. It was such a lie, to both Renesmee and Bella. He hadn't expected Renesmee to want a baby, and he couldn't see himself holding on through the adoption process. The only thing worse than leaving Renesmee alone would be leaving her with a baby. If she fell apart without him, how could she take care of anything else?

She didn't take her eyes off the window. His offer was nothing special. "That's not the point," she replied.

"I thought you said you wanted a baby."

"I do, but I want it to be our baby, not some stranger's."

"That's harsh," he said. "A baby is a baby. If we adopt, it'll be ours."

"But what's make a child special is it having parts of both parents. I want a child that's half me and half you. That's all I want."

"All children are special," he countered.

"You're missing the point." Her voice was sharp. "I want to have the most unique baby in the world with the most unique man in the world. Is that too much to ask for?"

"It is, actually," he told her. "It really is."

"I know I shouldn't be able to conceive," she said, "but it just kills me how Carlisle can come up with an antidote to vampirism, but he can't come up with something to make me fertile. And I know what he did wasn't magic, but I wish he had done something for me, you know? I've never gotten a say in these big decisions. Like when Carlisle first developed the remedy, I couldn't even say if I wanted to take it or not. I've never had an opinion because nothing ever applies to me.

"Back when I was in Denali, I was so puzzled when it came to who I am and where I belong in the world. I belong everywhere and nowhere at all. I've seen everything and nothing at all. And that's what bothers me the most, Jacob. The only real thing I've asked for is a child that is mine and yours. It's not gonna happen, but I'm not gonna blame you. I just wish I wasn't in this stupid halfway point of everything."

Jacob felt the same way. He also felt like he had failed. The last thing he could give her would be impossible.

"I'm sorry," was what he told her.

"It's okay," was what she said in response.

A/N: Warning: shit is about to hit the fan, and it will include violence. Four chapters left. I'll try to update soon.

Have a nice day,

HS