Chapter Twenty-One

The September air was crisp as Jacob walked through the forest near five o'clock. He felt the cold more now. In fact, he felt everything. He felt the autumn leaves crunch under his shoes against the soil of the forest floor. He felt his heart beating calmly in his chest. He felt the sturdy rope under his rough hands. He had never imagined his suicide this way, so peaceful. He had imagined him doing it hard and fast, sweat running down his face, heart pounding fast, a quick gunshot to the head. Of course, he'd been phasing back then. His poor attempt probably would have just left him with a big mess to clean up.

He'd been so silly back then, it was embarrassing. He was much more pragmatic now. Being with the Cullens for so long could change anybody.

Jacob was only a hundred steps from the garage now, but he was deep in the woods, where he belonged. As he quickly tied the noose, he had thoughts going through his head at a thousand miles an hour. Everything was adding up.

He had never been fit for this world. It had changed too much, but he wasn't used to things staying the same. For as long as he had lived with the Cullens, he had never grasped the concept of not changing. He had never been suited for it. The world had done nothing good for him, and as much as Renesmee and the rest of the Cullens had tried for so long to make the world a home for Jacob, it wasn't anything like home.

It was a goddamn graveyard.

Before climbing the tree and tying the rope to a branch, Jacob set the letter down next to wear his feet would hang. He didn't have to worry about placing it incorrectly. He had everything all planned out, and it would all work out. Jacob, the king of misfortunes, was finally having things work out in his favor for once.

He had seen and done it all. He had lived a long, agonizing life with sparks of happiness in between all the mishaps, but his life had not been ideal. He had never thought it would turn out this way until the absurdity in its entity had been right in front of him, all the time. His life had been ugly, but it was about to come to a well-deserved, triumphant conclusion.

Jacob felt victorious.

Bella had gotten the call at 4:30. Jacob was going to leave at 5:00.

She went to La Push to wait. She didn't want to hear any of it, but she couldn't afford to get there late and run the risk of anybody else finding him before she did. She had known of his exact plans for two weeks now, and her part had mostly been waiting, thinking of what to say to Renesmee when she would find out he was gone. If Bella's plans went along with the schedule, she would collect Jacob and make sure nobody would ever find him, and then she would give Renesmee the letter. Clean and quick - at least for Bella. She had said her goodbyes to Jacob two days ago, it had left her cold until now.

Bella was standing where Jacob's house had been. It was nothing but a clearing surrounded by forestry. She tried not to wait for the sounds, tried not to focus on his lively heartbeat and breathing, tried not to remind herself that her best friend was going to kill himself at any given moment, but she couldn't ignore everything.

When she heard the snap, everything fell silent.

Everything except for his heartbeat.

Renesmee spent that entire afternoon looking for Jacob. Since she had left him at noon to go to the store, he had disappeared from their home in Ocean Shores, and it concerned her, especially because she had something to tell him. She wanted to adopt now. After taking some time to get over herself and her current afflictions, she had decided that, yes, she wanted to adopt a baby. It would still be hers and Jacob's, even if it wasn't. That was what mattered now.

She couldn't wait to tell him the good news. She just wished she could find him now.

She searched for him along the Pacific coast, in every little beach town, but she had never thought to look in La Push. They hadn't been there in recent months, so it hadn't reached her mind until now.

At five o'clock that day, Renesmee pulled her car into the clearing where the remains of Jacob's old house had been. She quickly walked to the garage, but after calling his name like a fool, she realized it was empty.

In the woods, Bella focused on Jacob's heartbeat. The thumping filled her ears, so she couldn't hear anything else. She didn't hear Renesmee calling Jacob's name, and she didn't hear the footsteps, either. Even when Jacob's heartbeat ended, she didn't hear anything. All she could do was stare up at her dead best friend, hanging from a tree.

She didn't want to move him, didn't want to touch him, but she knew she had to take his body down. After collecting the letter, she quickly untied the noose and brought his body down. She didn't take another look at the noose as she dragged his body by the feet, heading further into the woods where nobody would find him.

Renesmee ran out to the woods, almost completely hushed and entirely alert, but Bella didn't hear her under the noise of Jacob's body being slowly dragged along the dirt and leaves. She couldn't bring herself to rush this; in her head, he was still alive, but sleeping.

Bella's back was turned when her daughter shortly found her, her hands wrapped around Jacob's ankles.

Renesmee gasped. Bella paused, but she didn't turn around.

"What is this?" Renesmee croaked out.

"This isn't for you to see," Bella whispered.

Renesmee gulped. Her heartbeat ran wild. "Did you do this, or did he do this to himself?"

Bella's voice was low. "He did it to himself."

Staring at her mother's back, Renesmee felt herself trembling. She had nothing left to say. When the tears started to escape her eyes, she trembled even harder.

Bella let go of the dead man's ankles so she could reach into the pocket of her jeans. She took out the crumpled letter and turned around. Closing the yards of space between her and Renesmee, she carefully set the letter in her daughter's hands, looking her daughter in the eyes. She turned back around and grabbed Jacob's ankles again.

Bella continued deeper into the woods, and Renesmee didn't follow her.

Renesmee stayed in the woods, where she eventually fell into a pile and crumpled into a ball on the ground, She sobbed wept loud and hard for what felt like hours, with Jacob's letter in her hands, and her hands in her face. She finally decided to read it once night had fallen, once she felt she had run out of tears. When she started reading, however, she realized she definitely hadn't run out of tears. It was impossible for her.

My beautiful Renesmee,

I'm sorry to leave you like this, but I didn't have a choice. For years on end, I felt trapped because I have never been given a choice. At first, I thought imprinting on you solved all of my problems, but I slowly realized that my problems were only growing. Not having a choice has never been good for me, seeing as it is only constricting, and living in a world where I am not free is not living at all.

The world doesn't need people like me who cannot adapt to it. I am too weak to constantly watch the world pass me by without moving myself; it's not who I am. As much as you and your family have made me feel safe over the years, I've never felt mentally secure. I've been suffering in silence for decades now, but I've finally gained the courage to free myself from the pain that you and your family could never bring an end to.

I don't regret loving you, Renesmee, but I will admit I regret imprinting on you, even though it was entirely involuntary in the first place. I'm not suited for your world; I'm not meant to live forever. I wish I met you the normal way, and we fell in love like normal people. I would do anything to go back in time and make that change, but the world doesn't work that way. The world has constantly been kicking me down, so there's no reason for me to keep fighting it. I'm too weak.

You, however, are not weak. You are STRONG. You are BRILLIANT. You are absolutely perfect, and even though I don't think imprints are meant to last forever, that is a fact. You are one of the most unique, wonderful people in the world. You told me that you don't fit in anywhere, but I see the opposite. Renesmee, you fit in everywhere. You have a heart so huge it can find a home anywhere in this world, and I know that without me, your heart won't be tied down anymore. Without me, you will be free.

Even though you found this letter, you won't find me anywhere you look. I didn't just run away this time - I'm gone for good. Your mother has known of my decision for a while now, and she only knows to make this easier for you to deal with. Don't blame her; she is only trying to help you.

I love you, Renesmee. May your soul be free,

Your Jacob

Days later, Bella and Edward stood on First Beach, keeping their distance as Renesmee stepped forward. With a grim expression, Bella watched her daughter fling the ashes into the cold air, hoping that Jacob's soul was finally free.

A/N: Three chapters left. Also, thank you for all the hits, follows, favorites, and reviews.

HS