Chapter Twenty-Three

The Cullens buried Renesmee the very next morning. They would have buried her sooner if they hadn't called Rosalie and Emmett, but it would have been insulting to not tell them as soon as it had happened. Rosalie had cried from the moment she had found out until now, as the short funeral service was about to begin. Having a funeral service is the normal thing, Alice had said. It's what she would have wanted.

Rosalie and Emmett had dropped everything to attend the funeral, making the four hour trip to Forks with plenty of time before the funeral to cry. They even brought Walter with them. The adolescent hadn't even known of his only cousin, but he respectfully sat with his parents.

The funeral service was short, but it took forever to begin, probably because it had been organized within a matter of hours. Bella spent less time reminiscing with everybody and more time trying to convince herself that her daughter was still alive. For some reason, there was an open casket. Maybe it was to just mess with Bella's head, or maybe it was for closure and to try to make everyone forget Renesmee had died in such an ugly, horrendous accident. Either way, Bella was drawn to the casket. Renesmee, her beautiful daughter, just looked like she was sleeping.

Bella couldn't help it. She couldn't help taking her daughter's cold hand and pressing it up to her cheek, waiting for something, for thoughts. And she couldn't help imagining things. For a second, she felt a quick flash: blinking lights, a heavy heart beat, a soft I love you, Mama.

Bella let go of Renesmee's limp hand. She needed to stop letting her imagination get the best of her.

The funeral service was short. Jacob hadn't had one, but his would have been short, too. What was there to say? They had both suffered terribly, but that was obvious. There had only been a matter of time before they lost once and for all.

Bella was falling to pieces with every word said about Renesmee, but Edward stayed strong. (For his sake or her own? He wasn't sure - he couldn't be sure of anything these days.) He hadn't been one to express much of his emotions, anyway, but now, he was especially stoic. He still didn't cry. Since he had turned human, he had not cried once, all in order to spare Bella's feelings - and he still didn't even cry, not even today. Instead, he remained solid at Bella's side.

As their daughter was being lowered six feet into the ground, Edward squeezed Bella's hand. She held her face in his bicep - she just couldn't watch anymore. She mentally said her last goodbyes, and when Renesmee was underground, she knew that she was truly gone.

When it was all said and done, the vampire members of the family quietly retreated to the main house. Bella asked to have a word with Carlisle and Edward, and they complied. They went to the library for privacy, even though the other vampires would be able to hear them if they tried to. Edward rubbed his eyes and yawned - he hadn't slept at all last night. Bella placed her hands on her hips, waiting for him to be done.

"Yes, Bella?" Carlisle asked her.

"I need Edward to be a vampire again," Bella bluntly told Carlisle. Then she turned to Edward. "You have to."

"That's an absurd request," Edward said. There he was again, invalidating her feelings. Did he not have any idea as to what had just recently happened?

"I'm not asking you," Bella replied, "and this is in no way a request. Edward, I'm telling you that you have to go back."

He didn't dare ask why. He already knew.

"I need you more than ever now," she said. "I can't afford to lose anybody else."

Edward turned to Carlisle. "Would it even be safe?" he asked.

Carlisle, completely ashamed that his discovery had managed to ruin the lives of everybody around him, simply shrugged his shoulders. For once, he just didn't know. "I'm not sure," he said. "It would be dangerous, since the cure was formed under the assumption that one wouldn't go back, but…" He hesitated, which wasn't like him.

"But what?" Bella demanded.

"If Edward were to try be injected with venom, it wouldn't be worse than what happened with Renesmee, especially since we already know how venom works."

"That's true," Edward mumbled. Bella and Carlisle both stared at him.

"Are you sure you want me to do this?" Edward asked Bella. He truly saw her now; he had no other choice. Ignoring her even further would only make matters worse, if that was possible. He could see the desperation in her eyes. Of course she was sure she wanted him to do this. She had always been sure in her decisions, never one to hesitate much, and she was just the same now.

She nodded. "Yes. I'm positive."

"Okay."

At dusk, Edward felt his heart racing as he calmly laid on a bed in the infirmary. Bella could hardly stand to be in that room again, but she knew she had to. Even though not everybody had came to a consensus, it was practically unanimous: Edward would have to go back if he was going to continue living with everybody in Forks, and they couldn't lose anybody else.

Edward was supposed to be as numb as humanly possible for his transformation; Carlisle supplied more than enough morphine. The transformation also wasn't supposed to take very long, since he wasn't injured or have any sort of bodily harm. It was the first of Carlisle's transformations that wasn't done in a dire situation, in regards to the human's life.

Bella held Edward's hand as Carlisle injected the venom shortly after making sure Edward had enough morphine. He remained mostly still until he spasmed violently. It happened once, twice, three separate times until they became constant.

"Carlisle, what's happening?" Bella asked.

"Wait."

Edward continued to convulse. As he blinked and shook erratically, he let out a cry through gritted teeth. He squeezed Bella's hand so tight that he would have broken it if it was more vulnerable - he wouldn't let go. With tight muscles, he jerked against the table.

"Carlisle, do something!" Alice said impatiently. "He's having an epileptic seizure."

"I can't touch him," Carlisle told her. "It will only make it worse."

Edward's eyes started rolling to the back of his head, and he started to turn purple as he held his breath. His back was arching off the table, and he continued to grunt through gritted teeth. His grunts had turned into muffled screams until suddenly, he fell slack against the table.

Everybody in the room was silent. The beat of his heart grew louder than ever.

Edward remained still until dawn. Everybody had been quietly waiting as his eyes fluttered open. His eyes were the first thing Bella saw of him, besides his slightly paler skin tone. His eyes were still green.

"How do you feel?" Carlisle asked him softly.

Edward blinked. His face was completely clear.

"Edward," Bella said. "How do you feel? What can you hear? What can you see? Do you feel thirsty?"

He ignored her questions. All he did was stare up at Bella with wide eyes.

"What is your name?" was what he asked her.

"So if I have all this correct," Bella said to Carlisle, "the seizure was too much for his brain to handle, and now he's in a sort of fugue state, so he doesn't know anybody anymore."

"You're almost correct," Carlisle said. "I believe that he recognizes some traits in others, but only traits."

"Which would explain why he doesn't know anybody's name," Bella assumed.

"Correct."

Edward sat on a chair in the infirmary. The entire family surrounded him, completely in awe. Alice stood in front of him and bent down to see him at eye level. "Who am I?" she asked him.

"You are my sister," he said with clarity.

Bella noticed how vulnerable he still looked. His skin didn't have the marble traits that her own skin had, but she was afraid to touch him. What if he was more vulnerable than ever? Bella couldn't tell whether he was still human or not. He had been craving blood earlier, but he had also bruised like any human would have. He seemed to be in the halfway point between human and vampire, and it was absolutely astonishing.

Edward described every member of his family, whether it was his mother, sister, father, or brother. He recalled Emmett and Rosalie, through photographs. He even recalled his daughter, though he wasn't aware that she was deceased. Various people - Jasper, especially - were trying to get Edward to retain their names, but he couldn't without forgetting them within minutes.

Bella tried to get him to remember her. She asked him the same question that everybody else had asked him. "Who am I?"

He appeared to be thinking really hard, but what was there to process? His head had to have been empty.

"You are the woman who no longer loves me."

Bella's heart shattered into a trillion fragments at the verity.

Within days, Edward showed growth in his memory. With vigorous practice, names of people and places would stick with him for five minutes at a time, and then an hour, and then three hours.

Carlisle also studied his physical characteristics, which contained traits of both vampires and humans. He hardly had any pigmentation, yet blood ran throughout his body and beating heart. He could no longer sleep, but he could bruise, and he did have the capability to cry (which he didn't do). He felt hunger, but always for human blood, and his eyes remained green. He apparently had twenty-four pairs of chromosomes - the same as Jacob and Renesmee - instead of the twenty-five that vampires had and the twenty-three with humans. And he was as strong and fast as a human man was, but his senses were incredible. However, he still couldn't hear other people's thoughts.

Edward was a wonder. There was no way to classify him. Carlisle wasn't proud of his creation, though; he was merely ashamed. He couldn't play God forever.

Bella was more frustrated than ever. While she knew that she no longer loved him because the person he used to be was no longer enough for her now, she was at war with herself because she wanted to love him. Even though he was just broken pieces and nowhere near whole, she wanted to love him because he was the last person she could wholly love, but she also knew she didn't have the capacity to.

Even as he was practically an empty shell, she wanted to see the humanity in him, just to know that he was still real. She wanted nothing but him to be real. And even then, he still didn't cry. Somewhere in his hollow mind, he wasn't crying out of pure selflessness. It made her sick.

When she looked at him, she wanted to scream. "Are you even human?" she wanted to ask him. "Are you even alive?"

She was an idiot, though. Isn't it clear?

It was completely clear, and she was going to clear everything else before it ruined her even more.

A/N: Expect the last chapter in a couple of days.

Mad love,

HS