Complement

by Michele D

This is the first fanfiction I wrote. I began it in 2000 & completed it in 2002. I will mark it complete once all chapters are up. I'll be posting a few chapters at a time. Just a heads up, it is long. Starts in the future that only lives in my head (Prologue). Takes place right before & during Judgment (Part I).

29. XXVIII – Body and Soul

XXVIII – Body and Soul

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All your hidden faces ~ Your seven veils unfold ~ Give me forbidden places ~ All your tales untold ~ Heaven and hope eternal ~ Over your heart of gold ~ Sun and sunset ~ Burning in the flame you hold...

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She stood naked in front of the full-length mirror staring at her reflection. The bruises were all gone, even where Glory's clawed-hand had pierced her was now just a faint scar that she hoped would eventually fade away into nothingness. If only her memories, the feelings she had buried so deeply within herself from what had happened could fade away into nothingness too.

She knew it wouldn't be that easy, knew from her past experiences that they just didn't go away. That sooner or later they would find their way to the surface, and they could surface in many ways. She might not even know what they were from, but they would find a way out. Just like they had before, like when she had strangled Xander and tortured Wesley. She had no idea why at the time she had done those things but she knew now.

Her eyes traveled up to her shoulder where the fang marks from Johnny were just beginning to fade, like the others. All except for the two where he had remarked her over the first scars he had ever given her. She put her right foot on the low footstool by the base of the mirror. She moved her leg to the side and out, grabbing the back of her thigh from the inside and pulling the muscle and flesh outwards into the light.

They were still there, two sets of fang marks, two sets of human bite marks. They glared at her, white, stark, angry against her own pale skin. Even the first two sets that were now almost thirteen years old seemed to look like they were new instead of old, instead of almost invisible like they were before Glory had taken them to Shedu. He had marked her like a vampire or a wolf marked their mate and Faith hated it with every part of her being. She had to fight the urge to carve them out of her flesh.

She dropped her hand from her thigh and placed her foot back down on the floor. She felt the fleeting ghost of his touch, his hands upon her, his weight pressing down on her, his mouth on her skin, his voice whispering in her ear. Her skin crawled and she felt goose-bumps inch across all of her flesh. She stared at her own eyes in the mirror and saw that haunted look in them again that had greeted her every morning for almost the whole of her life. A look that told anyone who saw it that there were scars that lived far beneath the surface of her skin, scars that were etched into her soul. A look that now, like then, she had learned to hide.

As she looked at herself in the mirror she felt her stomach start to churn, she had to fight not to get sick. How could Buffy ever want her again, how could Buffy still love her after all that had happened? All that Buffy had seen done to her, all that she had done to stop Johnny and Glory, to keep their attention on her and away from Buffy. She looked at herself with the eyes of the sixteen year old she had once been and saw again, what she saw then, nothing but a cheap disgusting white-trash whore.

She was dirty, she felt dirty inside and no matter how many showers she took, she could never wash away the dirt. For a little while before Glory, she thought she had finally washed it away, but now it was back and she feared she would never get rid of it. She was afraid she would go back to being how she was before, the ultimate 'Get Some, Get Gone' girl.

Wasn't that what she was? Just a little whore only interested in momentary pleasure, getting off and throwing them out, a thrill a minute, the more the merrier.

Wasn't that what she had been taught, and then taught again? The only thing she had ever been good at, the only thing she ever had to offer.

Wasn't that what they had all thought?

Wasn't that what she had let them all believe? Let herself believe.

Wasn't that what she always thought she deserved? Romance, gentle caresses, whispered words, arms holding her close through the night and love they were for other people, not for her, not for 'daddy's baby girl'.

Wasn't that exactly who Buffy had gotten to see when they were being held in Glory's domain?

Wasn't that exactly who she saw staring back at her in the mirror now?

She felt the coldness growing inside her every day now. They had all thought the first time she was in Sunnydale that she was nothing more than a sex-crazed slut. They never knew that it wasn't the sex she had wanted, it never had been. It had been about being in control of the one thing that she never had any control over.

If she was in control then they couldn't force her, couldn't hurt her. She threw them out because she was afraid to sleep with them there. Afraid to wake up and find that a sweaty body was holding her down forcing her again. Afraid to have someone there when she woke up screaming most nights from her nightmares.

The times had been far and few between that she had ever found any pleasure in the sex itself and those few times it had been because she had pleasured herself when she was with them. She knew though it went deeper than that, she had lost her ability to trust anyone, to let herself go. She hadn't lied when she told Buffy that she was the first person she had ever completely given up her control with. It had been a freeing experience because with Buffy she had finally found what it was that she had been truly searching for in all of those meaningless encounters.

When she was in Buffy's arms she felt clean, felt loved, felt whole, felt safe, there was warmth, comfort, passion, tenderness, love and so much more in Buffy's strong arms.

Now, even though they had not made love in the six weeks since they had been back, it was different. When Buffy touched her, even with no sexual intent, she was afraid. Afraid Buffy would want more; afraid she wouldn't be able to let her touch her.

Afraid because the few times they had kissed with a little more passion, the few times Buffy's touch had been just a bit more then 'friendly' it wasn't Buffy lips she felt, or Buffy's touch she felt, it was his and only his. And then she felt dirty inside again. Internally she would shrink away, her skin wanting to crawl, and then she felt even dirtier because she wanted Buffy's cleansing touch.

She wanted Buffy to erase the memory, ghostly feel of his hands, lips, breath upon her skin, with her loving touch. She wanted to be with Buffy, wanted so badly what they had before.

And didn't that make her 'daddy's good little whore' for wanting that?

But she was afraid, afraid to try, afraid not to try, just afraid that it wouldn't work, that she would always feel his hands instead of Buffy's and afraid to tell her.

How could she tell her?

Tell her that her skin crawled and her mind screamed out in fear, her body grew cold at the thought of ever being intimate with anyone again, even Buffy. Even that wasn't totally true, because there had been times that she wanted to be intimate with Buffy over the last few weeks and she was just afraid. Afraid that she would freeze up or that if she didn't then the next time she might, afraid that she might always feel this way.

She was at a loss, she was lost, her world was in a tailspin and she didn't know how to pull out of it. How do you tell your lover something like that, any of it, all of it?

A choked sob escaped her, and she bit down hard on her bottom lip to stop another from joining it. She was terrified of losing Buffy. She knew Buffy loved her; there was nothing in the world that could ever make her doubt that. But would love be enough? What if she never could get past this? What if she could never make love with her again? What if even though Buffy was in love with her, Buffy loved... was in love with Angel more?

Faith shook her head. Where the fuck did that come from?, she thought to herself. She knew though, it had been banging around in the back of her mind since she had seen the look Buffy and Angel had exchanged the day he found out his soul was permanent. She couldn't do this right now, couldn't wonder if Buffy was still in love with Angel too. She didn't want to wonder if Buffy would turn to Angel if she couldn't get past her own fears, but she did anyway.

She forced her eyes away from the mirror, not once did it ever occur to her that Buffy understood what was going on in her head. Not once, because illogically she was still blaming herself for it all, just like she had before. Somehow, she thought she had brought this all on herself, a part of her again believing in some perverse way that she had deserved all that had happened to her. A punishment for all the bad she had done throughout her life.

The guilt though, was for what happened to Buffy because of her. Glory had dragged her into the portal and back into the nightmare existences of her youth and she had dragged Buffy right along with her. She had been unable to protect Buffy from either of them, their tortures, their beatings, from Buffy seeing who she truly was. And the guilt of that was overwhelming her, drowning her. She owned that guilt, the feeling that somehow this was all her fault, owned it all over again just like she had when she was a child.

Another fucking choked sob forced its way out of her. She had to stop this; this was supposed to be a happy day. Luc and Atropos were having their formal Joining; it was why she was standing here in the bedroom that she and Buffy had shared for ten days during their respite from Slayer Hell.

She looked at herself in the mirror one last time before she started to move towards the tub. Her body was almost completely healed but her soul was falling apart, she was falling apart. Over the course of the last six weeks as she had physically begun to heal, all the emotions she had forced down in order to survive their ordeal at both Glory and Johnny's hands; all that she had forced down from what had happened before at Johnny's hands, her Mother's and all the men they had forced on her started fighting their way back into the light.

All of them, all at once and they were too much to handle. As she sunk down gratefully into the warm magical water, she once again began re-erecting that steel wall in her mind piece by piece, it wasn't so easy anymore though. She wasn't that Faith, she lived through what suppressing, hiding behind that wall did. She didn't want to go back there ever again. She didn't want to be that person again. She didn't want to live this way, she wanted to let it all out, needed to let it all out, but she was afraid, this was hard, she didn't know how to do this, how to reach out, where to begin.

She dunked her head under the water staying there until she started seeing white spots behind her closed eyelids. She came up for air a second before she would have passed out. She felt brittle, ancient, fragile, vulnerable, tired deep down in her soul, and she knew that with the slightest touch, a flick of a finger, she would shatter into a million tiny little pieces. What she didn't know was if she could ever put those pieces back together.

What she had forgotten were the things she had learned from Angel, from Buffy, from all of them; that there was no shame in asking for help, and that she was no longer alone. She might shatter into a million pieces but she had more than enough pairs of hands that would lovingly help her pick them all up and put them back together.

She closed her eyes and let the silent tears seep out from beneath them, she was exhausted mentally. She let the warmth of the water soothe her; she quietly called out for Buffy through their connection not even realizing she was doing it as she drifted off to sleep.

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Buffy was sitting on the bed with her sister in the room that the Fates' had given to Dawn. They had been talking for the last two hours, and Buffy was finally confident that she had convinced her sister that none of what had happened to her and Faith at the hands of the Demon-Goddess and the lowlife was her fault. Now if she could just convince Faith of the same thing and herself as well, maybe they could start rebuilding their lives. Start moving past all of it. She had no illusions, she knew it would be hard, but they just couldn't ignore it, it wouldn't just go away.

Without knowing it, she had the same problem as Faith, she didn't know how to begin, where to start or even what to say. Her own guilt was eating away at her, she knew it was illogical, knew it for all the same reasons she had used to convince her sister to let hers go.

The guilt was there anyway, like acid, burning in her stomach, shaking her down to her soul. She had been unable to stop any of it, she was a fucking 'Chosen One' for Christ's sake, she should have been able to protect Faith, and she hadn't. Couldn't stop what had happened, couldn't stop that monster from forcing himself on her soul-mate again. Couldn't stop a repeat of the nightmare Faith had lived in for nine years. Couldn't stop anything.

She was helpless to stop any of it and she had been forced to watch it all. Watch or Johnny would have made good on his promise to make it a hundred times worse for Faith. Buffy hated herself for not being able to do anything to stop it with a passion she never knew existed.

She was terrified of losing Faith. Afraid that a part of Faith hated her, blamed her, even though she knew Faith blamed herself, for everything that had happened to her, to them, in Shedu. It had been her decision to be up on the tower that night, her decision to jump into the portal instead of sacrificing her sister. Her decision and because of that Faith was up there with her.

It was her fear of being helpless, unable to protect the innocent, as was her destiny, her fear of failing Faith again, that Glory had tapped into, making Glory and Johnny go after Faith with a vengeance.

Why hadn't she figured out their game? Why? Faith had, and Faith had forced down what her real fear was and had offered herself to them on a silver platter to protect her, Buffy, from Johnny's sexual abuse. It was killing her inside to know that Faith had done it to protect her, had sacrificed herself, had goaded, had enticed both Johnny and Glory to come after her, all in order to protect her, while she had done nothing.

How could Faith not start to hate her?

She hated herself more every day. More than anything in the world, she wanted to fall down on her knees and beg Faith for her forgiveness. She was afraid though, afraid of rejection, afraid of forgiveness, afraid of everything and nothing, afraid of, she didn't even know what anymore.

In an abstract way, she knew everything that was going on with Faith when it came to Johnny and his abuse. She had felt it all in the echoes they shared, and had shared his touch upon Faith in those new ghost-like echo touches upon her own skin. She knew it wasn't the same, wasn't even close to what it had felt like to Faith, but like Faith she couldn't erase the memory of him from her skin either. And she wanted to cry every time she thought about her mate protecting her with her own body from ever knowing what it really felt like.

She knew though they couldn't keep living like this. Faith thought she was blocking her from what was going on and she was, but not all of it. Some of it she got in vague images from their connection but most of the time it came in the form of an echo of the nightmares Faith was having before she woke up. They needed to talk. They were closer than ever. But they were also farther apart than when they were working on opposite sides in the fight against evil.

She had been hoping that Faith would talk to her, but she hadn't yet. They both had been trying so hard to pretend that things were normal, and both were beginning to crack under the pressure. Faith though had given absolutely no indication that she wanted to talk or that she would even try to talk about what happened any time soon.

She didn't want to push Faith, but she was afraid the longer they waited to get it all out in the open the harder it would become to get any of it out at all. The harder it would be to rebuild their life together and Buffy wanted that more than anything she had ever wanted before, ever. She had seen, lived through, in a small way what had happened, what it had done to Faith when she suppressed all that had happened to her at Johnny and her Mother's hands and there was no fucking way she would let that happen to Faith again.

She missed the Faith she had fallen in love with.

Missed her smiles, her laughter, her little tirades, her touches, her kisses, the closeness they had shared.

Missed just the warmth and the comfort of her, she just plain old missed Faith.

Despite the guilt she felt, Buffy wanted it all back, she didn't care about the sex, that could wait, the touches, the kisses she missed were the 'just because' and the 'I'm-happy-to-see-you' kisses and touches. The ones that say 'I-love-you-no-matter-what', 'I'll-love-you-when-we're-old-and-gray', the touches and kisses that made you know deep down in your soul that this person would love you forever, no matter what. Love you when you're happy, sad, tired, old, just love you because you were you, and just because. She wanted all that back, she wanted it all for both of them, wanted it with every fiber of her being.

As she sat on her sister's bed, her determination returned. She didn't care what it took, they would get it all back. It didn't matter how long it took or how hard it might be, she wanted it for them both. And nothing would stop her from getting it all back for them, not fear, not guilt, including and most of all certainly not themselves.

She wasn't going to let Johnny and Glory have the final victory over them. She and Faith belonged together, she loved Faith unconditionally, eternally, and she knew Faith loved her in the same way.

Buffy made a promise to herself in that second, tomorrow they would talk. If it wasn't for Luc and Atropos Joining ceremony they would be having that talk today. She had no illusions, it would be hard, she hadn't a clue where to start, how to begin, it didn't matter, they would muddle their way through it together, but they would get past it together and be stronger for it in the end, nothing was going to stand in her way.

She got up from the bed and kissed her sister on the forehead, as she made her way towards the door she heard Faith calling to her in an echo. Then she was bombarded with almost everything Faith had seen and felt while standing in front of the mirror. Her heart broke with the pain her mate was in and Buffy's determination grew a hundred-fold, together they would get rid of that pain.

Together they would find their way back into the light.

They were the Chosen Two and they were the Chosen of each other and together they could do and be anything they wanted, nothing and no one could stop them, not even themselves.

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Buffy quietly entered their bedroom and gently closed the door. She moved over to the tub and sat down on the wide ledge, her eyes devouring her sleeping mate. Tenderly she moved a few stray locks of hair off her love's face, her hand gliding down to lightly trace the tear tracks.

Her heart broke a little for the tears, for the anguish, for the fear that lived inside of her soul-mate. Buffy knew as she gazed at her mate, that 'til the day she died and beyond she would never understand how anyone could hurt the beautiful, loving, gentle woman that is 'her Faith'.

She continued to gently stroke her lover's face, her fingers delicately tracing over its contours. Remembering, memorizing again, the finely arched brow, the slightly slanted, chocolate eyes, the fine line of the bridge of her nose, the full pouty lips, high, narrow cheekbones.

She continued tracing along the silky planes of Faith's face, lost in thought. Lost in the memories of that beautiful face laughing, smiling, the cocky lopsided grin, eyes that bespoke of so much love that just a look from Faith sent her heart pounding and caused her breath to catch.

Faith slowly opened her eyes, basking in the warmth of Buffy's fingers softly stroking her face. She caught and held Buffy's eyes with her own smoky, sleepy, need-filled, loving eyes. She smiled gently at Buffy, and lifted her hand out of the water, holding it out to Buffy in a silent plea to join her.

Buffy's heart started pounding so hard it threatened to beat its way out of her chest. She held her breath as she stripped herself of her clothes with inhuman speed. This was the first time since Faith had started getting better that they would share a bath. Faith had avoided them at all cost, making up excuses and showering when she knew Buffy wasn't around.

Buffy knew Faith had steered clear of them bathing together for a few reasons, chief among them was that they had spent almost all of their Johnny and Glory free time in the bath, spinning tales for each other, seeking comfort. Bathing together was a glaring reminder of their time spent there. But Buffy had missed bathing with Faith, lounging wrapped in the warmth of the water and her mate's arms. Whispering, giggling or just luxuriating in comfortable silence, it had been something they had enjoyed even before their visit to Shedu. She knew this was Faith's first baby step in giving back her trust.

Faith watched Buffy with an arched eyebrow and a goofy grin on her face as she took her clothes off with a speed that would put 'The Flash' to shame. For just a brief second she got worried and her brow furrowed, did Buffy think this was an invitation for more than a bath? A little fear streaked through her at the thought. She pushed it aside quickly; she had nothing to fear from Buffy.

She missed taking baths with Buffy. She just missed Buffy. They seemed to have lost the easy way they were with each other, the closeness they had even when they were in Glory and Johnny's tender care. On the surface, it appeared as if nothing had changed, but their bantering had a falseness that was never there before, not even when they were enemies, they were forcing what had once been so easy, so natural, for them.

The guilt they were both feeling was weighing them down, and just like Faith thought Buffy didn't know what she was feeling, Buffy thought Faith didn't know what she was feeling, both Slayers were wrong. Faith had realized as she felt Buffy tenderly stroking her face that she missed the intimacy that they shared and since she was at a loss as to how to start rebuilding their lives together, she figured this was a good a place as any to start.

Buffy climbed into the tub with Faith. She returned her goofy grin and lifted her own eyebrow at Faith's look of surprise when she sat down in the middle of the tub instead of curling up into her like they always did when they bathed together. Buffy had felt Faith's flash of fear, she didn't want to crowd her, she wanted any type of intimacy to be at a pace that Faith was comfortable with.

The surprised look was replaced by a look of confusion and disappointment. Her bottom lip jutted out in a pout, her brows furrowed, and Buffy thought Faith looked absolutely adorable. She playfully splashed her and Faith splashed her back. So Buffy splashed Faith back again and it quickly turned into an out and out Slayer water fight. They were rolling with laughter and had silly grins on their faces and by the time they stopped there was more water on the floor, ceiling and walls then there was in the tub. Buffy flipped the water back on so the tub would refill.

"You're gonna clean this up since you started it, aren't you B?" Faith gave Buffy her best puppy dog eyes and Buffy couldn't resist, she splashed her one last time.

"That's it!"

Before Buffy knew what was happening Faith had scooted down the tub, picked her up, firmly sitting her on her lap, captured both of her wrists with one of her hands, and started tickling her.

Buffy was squirming on Faith's lap trying to get away from fingers that were finding every single one of her ticklish spots. She was giggling and Faith was giggling right along with her. They were smiling like idiots and Buffy was drinking in Faith's smile, the twinkle in her eyes and the sound of her laughter. She would let her tickle her forever if it meant that she never had to see tears, or sadness ever again cross that beautiful face.

"Stop..." Buffy gasped. "Yo... hey... no..." Buffy giggled a little more, trying to break free, but not trying her hardest. "C..an..'t br..eat..he..."

"Not gonna work..." Faith started tickling Buffy harder, smiling down at her, loving the sparkle in Buffy's eyes and the sound of her giggles. "I'll stop when you say Uncle!"

"Ne..ver..." Buffy struggled a little harder, still not giving it her all yet. She was laughing so hard her sides hurt. "Ok...ay... Ok...ay..." she waited for Faith to slow her tickling; Faith fell for this trick every time. Buffy took a few deep breaths, squirmed a little in Faith's grasp. "Baby..." She smiled at her, "...thismeanswar!"

In a move that would have made the WWF proud, Buffy broke her wrists free and pulled what could only be called the equivalent of a bathtub takedown. She started tickling Faith without mercy. Faith started tickling Buffy back trying to buck her off, or roll her over at the same time.

Buffy fought adamantly to remain on top, a second or two later she felt a little tiny echo of fear come from Faith when she held down one of her hands and Faith couldn't get it loose. Not wanting to ruin the mood, the easiness between them, Buffy slightly loosened her grip on Faith's hand and let her break free. The little bit of fear was still coming to her, so the next time Faith tried to roll her over so she could get on top, Buffy struggled but let Faith win in the end.

The tickle match began again in earnest. At some point Faith got frustrated at not being able to get a good tickle 'grip' on the slippery blonde-haired Slayer under her. She captured one of Buffy's arms and sat up pulling Buffy with her. She pulled Buffy's arm up and over her shoulder and Buffy along with it. She rose up to her knees and carefully stood up. Buffy had enough presence of mind not to struggle, not wanting Faith to slip as she stepped out of the tub onto the wet floor.

She waited until Faith was on the carpet to start struggling to get free, which only earned her a few pokes in the side. She was giggling; gasping for air as Faith unceremoniously tossed her onto the bed and pounced on top of her again. The tickle fight started once again, both Slayers vying for the title of 'Tickle Champion'. Neither wanting to stop it felt so good to be laughing together, to be silly, to forget for a little while all the deep-hidden feelings both had dwelled so long on earlier this morning.

They tickled each other until both their sides where aching, both were panting for air, and their throats hurt from laughing so much. Faith had managed to capture both of Buffy's hands again, one on each side, they had reached a Mexican standoff.

"Truce?" Faith giggled down at Buffy once she managed to catch her breath.

"Truce," Buffy gave Faith another silly grin.

Faith peered around her arms to make sure Buffy's fingers weren't crossed. The last time they had a tickle match that had ended up in a standoff Buffy had agreed to a truce but had crossed her fingers. The second Faith had let her go she tickled her without any mercy for the next ten minutes straight. She never made that mistake again, again she made sure before she released a certain blonde-haired Slayer that her fingers were in fact not crossed, she even took a quick peek down to make sure her toes weren't either.

Satisfied that Buffy wasn't going to cheat again, Faith let her wrists go. She didn't move off Buffy, instead she stayed with her palms planted on either side of Buffy, the lower half of her body lying lightly against Buffy's.

Buffy moved her hands and rested them gently against Faith's forearms, as they got lost in each other's eyes. She watched as Faith's eyes searched hers, she didn't know what she was looking for and Buffy hid nothing from Faith's gaze. Not her love, not her fear, not her need, not her guilt and she saw all the same emotions reflected in Faith's eyes. A little of the wall that both Slayers had built up around themselves crumbled.

Buffy reached up and tucked a few stray locks of Faith's hair behind her ear; she smiled softly when Faith leaned into her touch. She resisted the urge to pull Faith down onto her; she wanted desperately to just hold her close, to feel the warmth of her, just feel her. Instead, she let her hand move to rest lightly on Faith's shoulder and left her other just lightly touching Faith's forearm.

She stared down at Buffy searching for something in her eyes and what she saw in them surprised her. There was so much love, even more than before they had been abducted. There was understanding, compassion, need for her, want, desire and more. There was also fear and guilt.

The fear though in some ways blew her away; it just never occurred to her that Buffy was just as afraid of losing her as she was of losing Buffy. Seeing the guilt in Buffy's eyes hurt her more than anything else, how could she blame herself? None of it had been her fault; it all had been completely out of her control. It was like trying to blame yourself for a tidal wave and as she had the thought she decided to just say it.

"B... None of it was your fault..." Buffy shook her head in denial of Faith's words and Faith just shook hers right back. "Blaming yourself for what happened is like trying to blame yourself for not being able to stop a tidal wave."

Buffy gave Faith an incredulous look, "A tidal wave?" She couldn't keep the amusement out of her voice and for just a second the mood lightened between them again. Faith gave her a silly, shy grin, and blushed.

"Okay well, my anelogy..."

"Analogy..." Buffy corrected her gently. Normally Faith would take affront at someone correcting her, but there was absolutely nothing condescending about Buffy's tone or demeanor.

"Yeah, maybe my analogy isn't the best but it's true. You did everything you could to stop what was happening. B, I know you would have given up your life to protect me..."

"You would have too Faith, and you gave up so much more." Faith opened her mouth to speak, but stopped when Buffy rushed out, "No! Please let me say this. I need to say this." She waited until Faith nodded her head before continuing. "You protected me more times than I could ever count. You used your own body; you served yourself up to both of them. You... you... let them think it was him you feared and him touching you, her touching you... You made them believe that to protect me... What did I do? I took a few hits... got a few bruises...

"You fucking sacrificed yourself for me and it's killing me inside to know that I was helpless, forced to watch it all and couldn't stop any of it, didn't even come close to protecting you like you protected me. I'm ashamed and I hate myself for not being able to protect you." Though she tried to hold them back, the tears came anyway. Fuck! She was supposed to be helping Faith not become a sobbing mess herself.

Buffy's words made Faith angry, not angry at Buffy but at herself. Angry that Buffy was feeling this way about herself because of what was her fault, her guilt, not Buffy's. She sat up abruptly and scooted away from Buffy on the bed, she had an overwhelming urge to hurt herself, she hadn't felt this way in a very long time.

"It's not your fault," she snarled as she got up off the bed. "It's not your fault, it's not Dawn's fault. It's mine, all mine! You should have never been there in the first place. You should have never had to protect anyone. You should have never been beaten by that scumbag piece of shit or that skanky-bitch. None of this would have happened if I wasn't there. If I had just stayed away from you!

"Don't you get it, it's me, you want to blame someone blame me.

"My fault you know what it feels like to be whipped.

"My fault you know what it's like to get beaten every day, to live in pain, to feel afraid.

"My fault you had to see all that.

"My fault you wake up screaming at night.

"My fault that motherfucker drowned you every day. I might as well have given you all those bruises myself.

"It's my fault! It's always been my fault. She told me, I just never believed her, didn't want to believe her. You know what? She was right. I'm no good, I hurt everyone I've ever loved. I hurt everything I ever touch, everything just turns to shit. This should have been my punishment, not yours, for all the wrong I've done for as long as I can remember. Mine, not yours, I just managed to drag you down with me into the shit. Just managed to hurt you all over again." Faith paced away from the bed back over towards the tub.

Buffy watched her; she opened her mouth to protest and thought better of it. Faith needed to get all of it out, if she tried to stop her from venting she might never get rid of the guilt. And it just wasn't from what happened in Shedu, she was venting all of it, including the guilt she had carried with her since she was a child. She slid down until she was sitting on the edge of the bed and waited for Faith to turn back towards her.

Faith leaned her forehead against the cold marble; she angrily swiped at the tears on her face. "I couldn't protect her and I couldn't protect you. What good am I? How can you love me? She couldn't, how can you? I'm nothing but trash. No good, worthless. Don't you get it, you would be better off without me." Buffy had to strain to hear her, Faith's voice was so low and she was choking on her own tears. She pushed herself away from the wall and turned to face Buffy. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry... god I'm so sorry... I promised I would never let anything hurt you and I did... I'm sorry..." She whirled away from Buffy and started throwing punches at the marble wall.

Buffy was off the bed and pulling Faith into her arms in less than a second flat. She pulled her away from the wall so she couldn't hurt herself anymore. Faith struggled in her arms needing to get loose, needing to inflict pain on herself, needing to hurt herself for all the pain that she thought she had caused others. She was whispering hoarsely over and over to Buffy how sorry she was.

Buffy just hung onto her tight not letting her go, her heart going out to not just 'her Faith' but to the child and even the dark side of Faith who was struggling and crying in her arms. Then the fight, the anger, just went out of her, Faith's knees buckled and Buffy just held on tightly to her and let them both sink down to the floor. She pulled Faith into her lap, rocking her like an infant, stoking her hair as Faith sobbed into her neck and clung to her like a drowning woman.

"I'm sorry too Faith... I'm sorry that they did this to you. Sorry that you grew up believing that you should have been protecting your Mother when she should have been protecting you. Sorry that there was no one there to help you, protect you from those two monsters. It's not your fault. None of it! Not then and especially not now! You can't blame yourself for what they did. They were supposed to take care of you, protect you, not the other way around." Buffy leaned back a little, she gently cupped Faith's chin and lifted her head up. She captured Faith's eyes with her own and held them.

"Faith. None of this is your fault. You did nothing wrong. They did, your Mother, Johnny and Glory. Not you, never you. I don't believe any of it is your fault and nothing you or anyone else could ever say would ever get me to believe that. I'm just sorry I couldn't protect you better, couldn't stop what was happening. But it's time I think that we both stop blaming ourselves for what neither one of us is at fault for. It's like you said, it's like trying to blame ourselves for not being able to stop a tidal wave."

"But..."

"No! There is no but here, Faith... You can't have your cake and eat it too. You can't tell me that I couldn't have stopped any of this and then expect to tell me you could have. This is not your fault, it's not Dawns and it's not mine. It is theirs, all theirs. So let's give credit where credit is due. Please Faith... Please believe me... None of this was your fault, not now and not before... Please..."

Faith stared into Buffy's eyes and she believed her. Believed that Buffy no longer thought it was her own fault, and believed that not for one second that it was ever Faith's fault. Not what happened with Glory and Johnny, nor what happened to her when she was a child. She let go of the guilt that had been a part of her since she was six years old and felt like a ten-ton weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She knew she hadn't gotten rid of all her ghosts, knew there was still a ways to go before she, they, truly put it behind them, but it was a start.

"Thank you..." She whispered softly and then rested her forehead against Buffy's.

Buffy gave a sigh of relief when she saw that Faith believed her and it felt like a ten-ton weight had been lifted from her own shoulders as she too let go of the guilt. "You're welcome and thank you..."

Faith smiled at Buffy and Buffy smiled back. She lifted her forehead from Faith's and gave Faith her 'and-another-thing' look. Faith just quirked an eyebrow at her, because she knew that look, it was the one Buffy always gave her right before she was going to tell her something that was for her own good.

"And Faith..."

"Yeah B..."

"Let me tell you one or two other things. Things, I'm not sorry for. I'm not sorry you came back into my life. I'm not sorry that I love you. And I don't give a flying fuck what you think but I would not be better off without you in my life!"

"Really?" Faith asked half-seriously, half-jokingly.

"Yes really." Then Buffy's face became serious along with her tone. "My life would be empty without you. I don't want a life ever without you in it. Remember that. No matter what happens, no matter how many fights we may have, I want you in my life. You are my heart and my soul. You are my... soul-mate. Nothing will ever change that, not now, not ever." She flashed Faith an impish grin. "You got that?" Her grin grew a little wider and her eyes took on a decidedly playful look, "Like I told you before you're stuck with me whether you like it or not, for life and even after."

"Oh great!"

"Hey, nobody said you had to like it." Buffy poked Faith lightly on the arm, pouting at her, but her eyes were dancing with mischief.

"Oh don't worry B. I don't like it." Buffy's bottom lip jutted out even further, and for a second all Faith could think about was capturing it with her teeth. Instead, she leaned in close to Buffy and whispered in her ear. "I don't like it B... I love it and I wouldn't have it any other way, not for anything in the world." Then she flipped Buffy on her back and started tickling her again.

"No... fa..ir..." Buffy started giggling, wondering how the hell she ended up at a disadvantage and started poking Faith in the side. "I...ts... a... go...od... I... lov...e ... u... so... gon... pay..."

"I love you too..." Faith stopped talking to smile brilliantly down at Buffy, but it didn't stop her from continuing to tickle her ruthlessly. For some reason right at this moment, with her nose red from crying, her eyes wide open with laughter and her hair flying around her head Buffy reminded Faith of the cutest thing she had ever seen on the silver screen, Gizmo from the movie Gremlins. She remembered how badly she had wanted one, and now she had her own real life one. "...Gizmo..."

"W...ha..t?" Buffy started tickling Faith right back, hell she wasn't going to just take this laying down.

"Gr...grr..." Faith was giggling too hard to get it out, "Gr...gre...m...li..ns..."

"O..h... so... gon...na... pay... now!" The tickle match was back on in earnest.

If it wasn't for the knock on the door ten minutes later the Chosen Two might have tickled each other into unconsciousness. Faith yelled something at the door between fits of giggles that sounded more like 'Come in!' instead of 'Hold on!' Both Slayers screamed in unison 'NO!' as the door started to open. They were too late, as both Wicca's walked in to find two very naked, squirming, hysterically laughing Slayers on the floor by the bed, where they had ended up in their fight to be the 'Tickle Champion'.

Both Willow and Tara turned the same shade red as Willow's hair, their eyes wide with horror and embarrassment and their mouths hanging open. They practically knocked each other over in their rush to get back out the door. One or both of them mumbled something about they would be in their room and Faith could come to their room to get what they were dropping off.

Both Slayers just started laughing even harder and Faith just gave up the fight, collapsed on top of Buffy exhausted and still laughing. When they finished laughing and caught their breath, Faith lifted her upper body off Buffy, supporting herself on her elbows.

Once again, their eyes locked and Buffy reached up and tucked a few stray strands of Faith's hair behind her ear, smiling as Faith once again leaned into her touch. She placed her hand on Faith's shoulder, and the other on Faith's upper arm. Without even knowing it, both Slayers were purring softly, enjoying the feel of their mate's warmth against their skin.

"Déjà vu..."

Faith's voice was that low husky timber that always made Buffy shudder and this time was no different. She smiled trustingly up at her mate, giving Faith utter and complete control over her, something she knew Faith needed to have right now. It mattered not to her what happened next, whether Faith got up or just held her in her arms.

This was the second baby step Faith had taken in giving back her trust and initiating any intimacy between them beyond a quick hug or kiss on the cheek over the last few weeks. And Buffy knew they still had a lot to talk about, still needed to get it all out, but she wasn't about to break this moment or do anything to frighten Faith off. So, she pushed down her own instinct to just pull Faith to her and waited for Faith, trusting in her.

Faith stared down into Buffy's hazel eyes, belatedly she realized they were both purring and it stirred up a multitude of feelings inside of her. She didn't miss the shudder that went through Buffy at the sound of her voice and it just made her purr a little stronger. The smile Buffy gave her told her so much.

That smile freed something inside of Faith, she couldn't pinpoint what it was, but it lifted the little bit of fear that had been coiling up in her stomach from being so intimately pressed up against Buffy. Right now, more than anything else in the world Faith wanted to kiss Buffy and instead of dwelling on it, instead of letting her fear grab hold of her; she just let herself go with it.

She kept their eyes locked as she slowly lowered her head towards Buffy. She saw Buffy catch her breath as she waited for her kiss. Buffy made no move to meet her halfway, and her hands still lay unmoving against her shoulder and arm.

Faith felt extremely nervous, as if this were the first time she was going to kiss anyone and in some ways it was for her. There was absolutely nothing that this woman below her didn't know about her, not her hopes, not her fears, not her past, not her dreams. So in a way it was, this would be her first kiss without any pretense, any shields, it was just her, who she truly was, all the good and all the bad.

She kissed Buffy almost tentatively at first, her lips merely a whisper against Buffy's.

It wasn't a passionate kiss, it wasn't hard, forceful or controlling, it wasn't hot or open, it was not a kiss for dominance.

It was a kiss of incredible softness, tenderness and devotion. It was a kiss of reaffirmation, of rediscovery. It was a delicate touch of mouths, a murmur of shared breath, an exquisite promise of love. It was a kiss between souls.

It was a kiss unlike any other the Slayers had ever had or ever shared, and it left them both trembling with joy, with hope, with too many separate emotions for them to ever hope to put into words when it was over.

It left them both crying softly, not in sorrow and not in pain, but in an ecstasy of a completely different kind.

Faith lowered herself down onto Buffy, rolling them both to their sides. They clung to each other, as they whispered how they missed the other, whispered of their commitment and love. They lay on the floor basking in the comfort, the love, the warmth of each other, and for the first time since they had returned to their own realm, both Slayers felt like they were truly home.

xxxxxxxxxx

They spent the late morning and early afternoon cuddling on the bed, sometimes whispering softly to each other, but mostly they lay in comfortable silence, enjoying the re-found intimacy between them that they had seemingly lost over the last six weeks. They had been so busy trying to protect each other emotionally from the aftermath of their abduction that they had started losing what they had found together.

Both Slayers' thoughts had been a rambling mass of disjointed images as they lay together. From the first time they had met each other in the back alley of the Bronze, to the sound of the other's laughter, to Buffy thinking about that little grunting sound Faith made when she staked a vamp.

To Faith thinking about how it felt to run her hands through Buffy's silky-smooth golden hair. To their first kiss, first touch, the first time they had made love. To them both listening contently to the resonating sound of the other purring deep in their chest as they lay curled up into each other.

To how marvelous it felt to have their legs entwined. To the little streaks of pleasure caused when one or the other softly ran a caressing foot over the other's calf. To the gently stroking thumb on a temple, a neck, a collarbone, just how wonderful, right, it felt to be together, quiet, peaceful and warm.

Neither wanted to move when it came time to get ready for the Joining ceremony, they hadn't lay like this together since the night of the slumber party.

xxxxxxxxxx

Faith was practically squirming in the chair, trying her best to keep still and her mind firmly away from how exotic, how sensual it felt to have Buffy putting her make-up on for her. It wasn't the make-up itself. It was just her, just Buffy.

It was the light touch of Buffy's hand, along her check and chin, as Buffy moved her face gently to see better. The softness of Buffy's other hand as the side of it brushed along her forehead and temple as she applied the eye-shadow. Buffy's breath, sweet and gentle caressing her face. The silk of the sleeve of Buffy's robe as it skimmed feather-like across her skin. The way that Buffy smelled, which was just uniquely her as it wrapped itself around Faith like a summer breeze.

It was the touch of Buffy's fingertip as she slid it around the outside of Faith's mouth holding her hand steady as she applied the lip-liner. Then that same fingertip as it ran over her mouth applying the clear gloss over her lips, that sent her heart to pounding, her mind to spiral out of control, and cause her breath to come in short, shallow pants.

If Buffy noticed she didn't say anything, though her voice was sultry when she told Faith, 'All done'. Faith would have laughed had she known that Buffy was reciting the alphabet in her head, followed by the 'Multiplication Tables' to keep her own thoughts from straying in the same direction as Faith's.

It didn't work too well though when she started equating a letter with a body part or what she wanted to do with and to Faith. Nor when she switched to the 'Multiplication Tables' and started thinking about how many times she wanted to do something in particular to a specific body part of Faith's, from the ABC's earlier. She still wasn't sure how she even managed to put on Faith's eye-shadow because her eyes had never left that pouty mouth below her that was just calling out to her to capture and kiss it with her own.

But she wasn't about to betray the trust that Faith was giving her, as she sat with her head tilted back, eyes closed, by slamming her mouth down and devouring that delectable mouth like she wanted, ached to. Before they had been taken by Glory she wouldn't have hesitated, but now she knew she had to wait for Faith to move them back into that part of their relationship. Even more so now after sharing Faith's echoes this morning.

She could wait, she would wait forever if that was what it took. For now, the intimacy they had shared just lazing around today was enough, and Buffy knew deep down in her soul, her heart, that if it never went beyond that ever again for the rest of their life together that it would still be enough.

Faith was out of the chair before Buffy even finished telling her she was done. She needed to move away a little, needed to calm her racing pulse, her breathing. God! She felt like she was in heat all of a sudden. They had spent the last few hours cuddling naked together and she hadn't felt like this, okay, well, maybe a little, but not even close to this.

Christ! Get a grip girl. Bad Faith! Get a grip! Get a grip, get a grip, get a grip. Faith, girl, get a grip!

Neither Slayer was listening to the almost silent echo of each other's desire that was humming low through them on a subconscious level. The primal Slayer that was a part of them was basking in it, rolling itself in it. Had been all day, ever since the water fight in the tub, to It that had been foreplay. It recognized Its mate in the other Slayer and It wanted Its mate.

Faith got dressed so fast that she made Buffy's head spin. "You have to tell me your secret, Faith." Buffy groaned internally at the sound of her own voice which had come out low, deep, throaty and right on the edge of being an out and out growl.

Yup! Subtle is your middle name Summers. Just call me Buffy Subtle Summers from now on!

"Huh?"

"The one, how you, who never wears them, can put on a pair of stocking and not run or rip them to shreds." Buffy looked dismally at the four pairs of stockings she already had managed to ruin. Slayer strength and stockings, for her at least, just didn't work.

Faith looked at the shredded stockings on the floor by Buffy's cute little bare-feet and had to suppress her smile of amusement. Well at least now, she knew the reason for the gazillion pairs of stockings Buffy had packed. She walked over and grabbed another pair of stockings out of the overnight bag, opened the package and pulled them out.

She caught and held Buffy's eyes, her own dancing with amusement and devilment. She started gathering up a leg of the stockings between her fingers, making a show of sliding her fingers slowly along the length of them, almost as if she were caressing them with her fingertips. She let her smile of amusement show as she saw Buffy's eyes lower to watch what she was doing. She waited until Buffy looked at her again and then gave her a wicked smile; her voice was deep and raspy when she finally spoke.

"Oh that secret... Well, you see, you have to think of the stockings as someone's skin." She paused for a second in her gathering and ran her thumbs in little circles over the satiny texture of the stockings. "A lovers, silky and smooth... Imagine that you are sliding your fingertips up you lover's leg, gently, softly, delicately as you gather the stocking into the palms of your hands."

She watched Buffy's eyes lowered again and the shudder her voice elicited, as her fingers imitated on the leg of the stockings her words. "Then... as you slip your foot into the stocking and start to pull it up your leg..." She began to slid the stocking up one of her arms as if it were her leg, her other hand mimicking her words again. "...Imagine that it's your lover's hot skin, sliding whispery soft, slowly against your own, as your fingertips follow along its path, stroking, smoothing, trailing lightly, softly after it..."

Buffy closed her eyes for a second and shuddered again, Faith voice eliciting the same response it always did, "Oh... ah... I... ah... can... I can do that..." Her mind's eye took off on its own fantasy flight, as she visualized doing just that to Faith, and Faith doing that to her, remembering the feel of those fingers, those lips, Faith's body sliding along her own.

Bad Buffy! Bad! Bad! Bad Buffy! Oh wanna be bad Buffy!

"...I know you can, B... I remember..." Faith growled low capturing Buffy's eyes with her own. She had no idea where all that came from, hell she had never thought of stockings that way! She felt a shudder of her own travel down her spine from the look Buffy was giving her. Buffy's eyes grew darker as they held her gaze, the gold flecks shining brightly within them and Faith just went with the moment, not questioning, just feeling.

The heat their gaze created between them was almost tangible. She moved towards Buffy, as the stockings fell forgotten from her hand. Buffy just sat on the bed watching and waiting for her, once again relinquishing all control to her, trusting in her, willing to go wherever she led them.

With each step towards Buffy and the bed, she started to feel it, slowly creeping its way out of her subconscious and then it was there. The cold memory of his touch crawled eerily over her skin, her steps faltered and she felt fear coil deep in the pit of her stomach. Something unclean stirred under her skin and she felt dirty again. She stopped moving and held her breath, her whole body rigid, tense and she had to fight down the urge to shower away the dirt she felt seeping through her muscles, her pores. The sound of her Mother's voice screaming at her from the past bouncing around the edges of her brain, reminding her she was nothing but a 'Cheap white-trash whore'.

She felt paralyzed, as she fought to force away the feeling of his remembered touch, force away the voice in her head. And then she was being enclosed in warm arms. Warm, strong arms that were holding her securely, a voice whispering soothing, loving nonsense in her ear, helping force away the voice reverberating through her head. She wrapped her arms around Buffy tightly, clinging to her and felt as Buffy's embrace forcefully pushed away the cold touch of his hands with the loving, cleansing touch of her own warm hands.

Then she was pulling away from Buffy, she felt dirty, embarrassed and ashamed because of what Johnny and all the others had done to her, and because of how much, how desperately she wanted to make love with Buffy not just two seconds ago, and even now.

How the hell could she be feeling both at the same time?

But Buffy wasn't going to let her just pull away, she placed her hand lightly, softly on Faith's arm, careful not to grab her, or try and force Faith not to move away. She had felt everything that Faith had felt in one of their echoes, knew it the second things had changed. She hadn't been really sure what to do for her mate so she had just followed her instincts and prayed silently to the Goddesses that they were right. For a brief moment, she had felt as Faith's demons left her and then she started to pull away, as other demons started pressing down on her. She almost sighed in relief when almost instantly Faith stopped pulling away, leaning unconsciously into her touch.

"Faith..." Buffy waited for Faith to look at her, finally she did. It killed her to see all those emotions running riot in Faith's eyes. She understood in a basic way why Faith was feeling them, but knew she could never truly know, she had never experienced what Faith had. But she'd be damned if she'd let Faith continue to feel this way, and Buffy didn't want Faith to think for one second that she thought she should.

"You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed by, you did nothing wrong. You are none of those things that she said you were and none of the things he said. You never were, you never will be. And you have nothing to feel dirty, embarrassed, or ashamed of, not any of it and certainly not how you feel, not with me you don't. I know this isn't the right time or place to talk about this.

"I know you're struggling to find the right words, how to say what it is you need to say. What it is that you need from me. I don't want you to be afraid to tell me anything, even if it's that you need to talk to someone else about this and not me. You don't have to say the right words just let them out when you're ready, let them come out anyway they want to. I'll be right here ready to listen, I'm not going anywhere.

"You, we, can get through this together. Whatever it takes, whatever you need I'm right here for you. All you have to do is tell me. I'm not going to love you any less, if anything I love you even more. Nothing you can say, feel or do is going to ever change that and certainly not what someone else did to you."

Faith searched Buffy's eyes and what she found once again was unconditional love, compassion and understanding. It was that same look in Buffy's eyes that had made her determined not to let Johnny destroy her that first night in Shedu, and she sure as fucking hell wasn't going to let him destroy her or what she had with Buffy from the grave.

"I don't want to talk to anyone else, B. I want... I need to talk to you, about all of it and not just what happened when Glory had us. Is that... is..."

"You can tell me anything, Faith. Anything at all..."

"You think we could go somewhere tomorrow? Maybe to the cottage by the lake the Fates said we could use if we wanted. I don't want to wait. I'm afraid to wait... I'm not ready to talk, don't know if I ever will be really. I'm just afraid that if I don't start, that I'll just slip back into how I was before. It's too easy and I already feel myself doing it. Feel myself pulling away from you and I know you've felt it too."

"Whatever you want, we can go wherever you want for as long as you need. Don't worry about anything I'll take care of it all. Okay?" Faith nodded and stepped back into Buffy's waiting arms. "We'll get through this together."

Faith squeezed Buffy to her tightly once more and then released her. "You better finish getting ready or we're going to be late. Thinkin' pissing off one of the Fates and The Devil on their wedding day is not a really good idea, B."

Faith sat on the bed and watched Buffy finish getting ready; she managed to rip two more pairs of stockings before she finally got the third pair on without incident.

This time Buffy had ripped the stockings on purpose, making a show of it, one pair she practically sliced into ribbons with her nails. Which they both had a good laugh at, and even though Buffy thought Faith didn't know, she did and she loved her even more for it.

They left their room together hand in hand, Faith mumbling under her breath something about 'getting Buffy steel tights' and 'having thought she had taught Buffy better than that', while Buffy mumbled back something about 'being out of practice' and 'being jealous of a pair of stockings'. Both Slayers' voices were light, teasing, as they squeezed each other's hand and made their way to the hanging garden out in the back of the Fates' home.

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To say the Joining ceremony was beautiful was an understatement. Luc and Atropos exchanged the same vows they had exchanged in the garden of the Mansion. They stood under the trellis with the hanging ivy and honeysuckle, surrounded by orchids, roses of every variety, lilies and other exotic flowers that those from the domain known as Earth had never seen before. The smell of lilac and jasmine, mixed with the musky scent of roses. Both Slayers silently decided that if, no when, they married each other that here was where they would want the ceremony to take place.

The ceremony was officially presided over by oddly enough a beautiful earthy woman named Lily. Who in the lore of the gods and Incarnates was known by the names 'The Green Mother' and 'Mother Nature'. Her hair was the color of burnt chestnuts; she had a wide generous mouth and laugh lines on her face. Her eyes were round and dark, dark, umber and fringed by obscenely long, thick, pitch-black eyelashes.

Her nose long and thin and on any other person would have probably given the face a pinched almost mean look. She had a matching set of dimples on either cheek. Her skin was the color of the earth a vibrant russet-brown. There was an aura of natural, earthy, sensuality about her. She was petite with a lithe body, maybe an inch shorter then Buffy and didn't look a day over nineteen.

If Lily exuded down to earth sensuality then the woman sitting across the aisle from Faith, Buffy, Willow and Tara exuded pure, raw, burning, sensuality. The only one among them that could have given her a run for her money was Faith and even Faith thought it would be a short run.

The woman who the four found out later was Lilith, bespoke of dark, smoldering passions. Her hair was thick, midnight black and hung down almost to her waist in waves. Her skin tone was olive, and looked satiny, silky, and creamy all at once. Her black thin, winged eyebrows sat over piercing slanted violet eyes, and her eyelashes put Lily's to shame.

Her cheekbones were high, narrow and had a decidedly chiseled look about them. She had a full mouth, the bottom lip jutted out slightly, tempting both men and women alike to catch it between their teeth and suckle upon it. She was tall, at least five-foot-eleven, soft, curvy but not overly so, her legs long, her waist small, her breasts high, proud.

She was the exact opposite of her lover Clotho, who was as light as Lilith was dark. With pure white hair, fine and long, which she always wore braided. Thin white eyebrows arched over her piercing cerulean eyes, a thin fine sculpted nose. Her mouth while not as generous as her lover's was ruby red adding color to her otherwise pale complexion.

She stood only five-seven and where her lover was soft and sensual, Clotho was lean, ripped, and taunt. Clotho and Lilith were in essence the 'Chosen Two' of the 'Immortals', because unlike Clotho, Lilith was not an Incarnate, but she was, like Clotho, an Immortal.

After the ceremony, Clotho joined the Slayers and the Wicca's. She brought both Lilith and a man with her, who could only be described as an undiluted version of an ancient Spartan. He was a pure warrior through and through, just looking at him you could see he was definitely in touch with the primal predator that lived within.

"Willow, Tara, Faith, Buffy, this is Lilith, my Chosen and Mars the Incarnate of War." Clotho smiled at their surprised expressions and both she and Buffy watched as one raven-haired beauty, checked out the other raven-haired beauty.

Luc and Atropos came over and joined them, smiling at the surprised looks on their guest's faces. They exchanged looks; their guests were in for a few more surprises, all good needless to say, before the day was over.

"Wow... Oh wow... this is like... Lilith I know that from somewhere, why do I know that? Ooooo, I know... this is like those Piers Anthony books about the Incarnates. You all are almost exactly like his 'Incarnates'. In fact, there was even a Lilith in the books... Unbelievable! Tara are you sure we aren't dreaming? Wouldn't Piers Anthony be surprised if he knew..." Willow trailed off when she noticed that Luc suddenly found his perfectly manicured nails extremely interesting and Mars was busy watching one of his shiny boots polish itself against the back of the calf of his other leg.

"Honey..." Tara said looking at Luc, mischief sparkling in her eyes. "I think there might be a reason for the similarities to the real Incarnates and to the Incarnates in Piers Anthony's series. Isn't that right Luc, Mars?"

"Well... um..." Luc paused and looked at his smiling wife. Wife! Damn that sounded good! "It was all Mars's fault."

"Was not..."

"Was too..."

"Was not... You're the one that wanted to go out in their realm that night, not me."

"Yes, but if I recall, Mars, it was your idea to start drinking shots of tequila, not mine! And certainly not for, four damn days straight. Nor was it my idea to start telling the young man next to us tales of your glorious battles!"

"Well how the hell was I supposed to know he was going to be a famous author some day?"

"Well it wouldn't have been so bad if you didn't start telling tales about the rest of us as well..."

"Yeah and you made it worse when you started telling..."

Mars and Luc kept telling their tale in their own bantering way of meeting a young man, whom both had found amusing while they were out on a four-day drinking binge. The young man had amused both Incarnates so much that they had dragged him along with them on their bender. They all listened amused, all except Faith and Lilith who were sizing each other up.

'Damn she's hot! Sexy, sultry, steaming! Shit!' Both Faith and Lilith thought to themselves as they checked out the other.

Neither the Slayer nor the Immortal would have been surprised that their thoughts were almost exactly the same. Both saw a sexy woman standing in front of them that was so in love with their mate, that Venus the Goddess of Love could be standing in front of them and both would have thought she couldn't hold a candle to their respective mate.

Lilith and Faith were a lot alike in both their temperaments and the wild streaks that had gotten them in so much trouble, the good kind of trouble, not the bad kind. Each had a slightly wicked sense of humor. Both exuded a raw, primal sensuality. Both woman's 'Bad Girl', 'Sex-bomb' image hid a gentle heart, a fierce loyalty to those they loved, and once they found their mates, a monogamous nature. When they mated, they mated for life. Though, neither would ever admit any of it publicly. And both still had a hard time believing that their blond counterparts had picked them for their mates.

They saw in each other a kindred spirit and someone they could call friend. They felt instantly comfortable around each other, a new experience for both of them. They each were already plotting what kind of new experience, trouble they could drag their respective mate's into.

I'm gonna have some wicked fun hangin' out with her! Bet she knows where to get the best leather from too! Thinking we're a lot alike and both of us are whipped by the blond goddesses standing next to us!

Buffy watched as Lilith and Faith exchanged knowing smiles. She felt a flash of jealousy shoot through her and she had only caught the first part of Faith's thoughts in an echo because as the 'Green-Eyed-Monster' reared its ugly head in her brain it had started tap dancing in it.

Faith heard the low hiss a second before she got an elbow in the side, then Buffy pulled her slightly away from the crowd that had gathered to listen to the rest of Mars and Luc's tale. "What was that for?"

"Echoes Faith, remember... I saw what you were thinking about her..." Buffy mumbled low for Faith's slayer hearing only.

"What B... she is hot..." Faith felt rather than saw the insecurity and jealousy rush through Buffy, and immediately regretted her words, which had come out totally wrong. She had a feeling Buffy hadn't gotten all of it in the echo, otherwise she would have known that there was nothing to feel insecure or jealous about.

She took Buffy's hand into hers, "B..." She waited for Buffy to look up and when she didn't, Faith gently took a hold of her chin and turned her face up towards her. "B... Buffy she doesn't even come close to you... couldn't even on her best day. You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, known or know. I love you and I'm still gonna think you are the most beautiful woman in the world when you're old and gray and all your teeth have fallen out. You know why?" Buffy just shook her head 'no', her eyes large, trying to see the truth in Faith's.

"It's like this really smart woman told me once." Faith closed her eyes for just one second and thought back to the night that Buffy had made, or rather bought them dinner at the Mansion. The same night that she and Buffy had truly made love for the first time and from memory, she repeated back to Buffy the words Buffy had spoken to her that night, "You are beautiful. I don't just mean on the outside. You are beautiful where it truly counts. Here..." Faith placed her hand over Buffy's heart.

"Don't let anyone, not yourself, not me, ever tell you any differently." Then she added her own words, "The beauty that is you shines so bright from inside of you. There is nowhere else I ever want to be but with you in that light. I love you B and no matter what happens I will always love you. I will love you for all eternity..." With that said Faith turned beat red, the blush crept up her neck and over her face. As ridiculous as it was after all they had been through together, all the things they still had to work through, Faith suddenly felt extremely shy.

Buffy wondered if anyone had noticed that she had melted into a puddle on the ground. For once it was Buffy who said to Faith, "You don't play fair, you know that Faith." Faith just gave her that lopsided grin she loved so much and it took every ounce of Buffy's willpower not to pull a Cave-Buffy and throw Faith over her shoulder and take her somewhere and make love with her until they both passed out. The primal part of her was jumping up in down in ecstasy just at the thought alone.

"What can I say B... You taught me well."

"And I so will never have gray hair or lose my teeth Faith." She peeked up at Faith through her lashes, "But it's good to know you'll love me anyway, because I love you too." This time it was Buffy who blushed.

Faith took Buffy's hand and led her back to the group; she squeezed Buffy's hand and jerked her head in the direction of Lilith and Clotho. Seems she wasn't the only one who got misread. "Blondes..." Faith mumbled, chuckling under her breath and thinking, 'Oh we are so whipped. Yup whipped here and damn proud of it too!'

"Hey... Slayer hearing here."

"I didn't mean you B... 'cause you know you're not rea..."

"Faith!"

Smart much Faith?! Dig that there hole just a little bit deeper why don't you? Insert foot in mouth here with a big old arrow pointing right at my big old mouth!

So Faith did the only thing she could think of to bail herself out, she kissed Buffy. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Lilith grab Clotho and kiss her.

Wicked fun we are all going to have hanging out together...oh yeah, this is good... B...B...B,B,B...

That was the last coherent thought Faith had for the next few minutes, in fact pretty much all four of them ceased to think at all for the next few minutes especially since feeling was oh so much better.

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The rest of the afternoon and early evening was wonderful. All of the Earth domain contingency spent most of the day wondering if they were dreaming, or on some type of fantasy trip as they met one mythical being after another. Why they were so amazed, considering there were two Slayers, a mystical Key, four Wicca's, and two Vampires with souls amongst their numbers had even them shaking their heads in wonder.

During the ceremony, it hadn't escaped either Faith or Buffy's notice that Dawn had spent most of her time, sneaking glances at the sandy-haired young man sitting next to Lachesis. Nor did it escape either Slayers notice that he too was sneaking glances at Dawn. Much to Dawn's delight and the Slayers terror at the thought that Dawn had discovered boys, the young man made his way over to Dawn, and whisked her away before either of the Slayers could stop them.

When they couldn't find them, Faith had cornered Lachesis and demanded to know who the boy was and where the hell he had taken her sister! Lachesis had merely told her not to worry that Dawn was quite safe with Crow and they were 'hanging out' with the other young people.

It wasn't until after Luc and Mars or 'Candy-man', which Faith had nicknamed the Incarnate of War and actually had the balls to call him to his face, finished telling their tale, that Dawn and Crow had reappeared. She dragged the young man over to meet her sisters and the Wicca's.

"Crow, this is Willow and her girlfriend Tara, and Buffy, my sister and her soul-mate Faith, my sister if not by blood then by the heart. Everyone this is Crow. Although I believe that Willow and Tara have sort of met you before."

All four young women gave the boy the once over. He appeared to be between sixteen and seventeen. He had shoulder length sandy-brown hair. His face was strong and masculine, his eyes the lightest hazel-green any of them had ever seen, they seemed to dance with life and laughter. He was tall, at least six feet, and had the lean, toned body of youth.

All of them got the impression that he was someone who liked to laugh and for some odd reason while he might have a wild streak, which they could all see in his eyes, they also got the impression he was someone who was loyal and responsible.

"Pleased to meet you all." His voice was low, deep and seemed to rumble out of his chest. He also sounded much older then he looked.

"What!" Both Slayers yelled at Willow and Tara, when they saw the impish glint in both Crow and Dawn's eyes and the two Wicca's mouths drop open. "What!" They yelled again.

"Oh... Did I forget to tell you that Crow is a nickname... His real name is..."

"Oh my goddess! You're 'Father Time'! No way... so no way... you're all youngie and a kid... and young..."

"I am afraid it is true, little tree..." To which Crow, Dawn and Tara all giggled while Willow kept on sputtering, and the Slayers kept on yelling 'What the hell is going on?!'.

"He's Chronos. Like in 'Father Time'!" Willow squeaked at the Slayers, "He's an Incarnate like the others. Hey, you're supposed to be old! Real old, white hair, long beard kinda old!"

"How old are you?" Both Slayers asked together, more like snarled together. Buffy thinking to herself she sure as hell didn't want her sister dating someone centuries old; completely letting herself forget that her first love when she was seventeen was over two-hundred-years old and a souled vampire to boot.

"I'll be seventeen in three months." He smiled at them showing strong, white teeth.

"Is that seventeen in mortal years or in Incarnate years?" Buffy was still snarling, she couldn't help it. And damn if she just didn't get a flash echo of Faith thinking how cute she looked when she snarled. She filed that information away for another time.

"It is seventeen in your mortal earth years. I grew up with a Mother, a Father, a brother and a sister on Earth. Up until three months ago Earth time, my Father was 'Father Time'. He retired and I, so to speak, took over the family business, just as mine an... a... my oldest son will someday."

Tara looked speculatively at Crow. He had almost said something else, then she remembered what he had said to Willow the day they had left to go rescue the Slayers:

It doesn't work that way, little tree...I don't have the power to change what happens, I can only set the clock back... besides I already know I didn't do that so it is not an option...

He had known ahead of time something he had done, or rather had not done in the future. Tara looked between Dawn and Crow; she had a sneaky suspicion of exactly what he almost said. She looked at the two snarling Slayers, saw the concern on their faces, and smiled; they were acting like any other parent would with a teenaged daughter who had just discovered boys. She decided to keep her suspicions to herself, because despite what Crow knew or didn't know, Tara knew that the future was not written in stone, the Fates had proven that.

She turned her attention away from her internal musing and listened instead with amusement as the Chosen Two played twenty-questions with Crow. He caught her eyes with his and gave her a slight nod in silent thanks. He continued to answer all of their questions, including Willow's, whose questions started leading in the direction of parallel time-lines and realities.

Tara wanted to ask him about the spell as well, because both Willow and she had discussed afterwards how the spell had seemed to be tailor-made for them, but she didn't want to bring up that or Glory in front of the Slayers or Dawn.

Crow was polite, very patience, funny, cute, and showed a keen intelligence as he answered their questions. Tara's generous heart warmed to him almost immediately. She sighed in relief with both he and Dawn, when Mars, Lilith and Clotho came and almost physically dragged away not just the Slayers, but Willow and herself.

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They were leaning up against the bar laughing hysterically at another of Mars outrageous battle tales. Luc and Atropos had stolen away to an unknown destination to start their honeymoon. After all the other Joining guests had left, Mars had faded them all to his home. No one was surprised to see that he had a room that for all intent and purposes was a bar in his house.

It was just the Earth contingency, Mars, Lilith, Clotho, Lily, Lachesis, and Crow left. Dawn and Crow were off in Mars's arcade room, playing games, he had pinball machines, a mechanical bronco, a freestanding basketball machine, a pool table, and a Playstation hooked up to the biggest wide screen TV Faith had ever seen and every single game ever made for it. She couldn't wait to play a game on that screen.

Angel had disappeared a while ago to who knows where. Buffy and Cordy had gone off to find a bathroom and Faith hadn't seen either of them in a while. Everyone else was standing around the bar.

"Canby-mlan hats about as trufe as my laying, um... slay...in in the newd..." Faith shook her head a little harder than she wanted, her hair whipped around and almost took out one of Mars's eyes. Maybe she shouldn't have had that last shot of tequila or the one before that or the one before that or... But she liked Jose', she just hoped he liked her in the morning. "Juner u see Bleeee any plates?"

Spike looked at Faith; he closed one eye and squinted at her with the other. "Hats fetter. Only... floor of u now." Spike liked it here, more than he would ever admit. He and Angel could walk in the sun without spontaneously combusting. They had no need for blood and they could eat and drink without getting sick from the food.

He felt warm inside and out for the first time since he had been turned, he had forgotten how wonderful it felt. None of them knew, well maybe the Slayers did, how much bloody alcohol it took for him to get this drunk. Here, however, it obviously didn't take quite as much, he wished someone would have told him that.

Ah who cared, 'cause he bloody well liked it here anyway and he had taken quite a fancy to Lachesis too, and that was definitely the best bonus. He rather thought she took quite a fancy to him as well. He hoped, though he would never tell anyone, that he was invited back again.

"Ober tear...Fl... Bluffy is ober tear..." Lilith pointed at the other end of the room. She blinked her eyes rapidly, trying to bring everything back into focus, or at least get it to stop spinning.

She knew better or she should have, then to let Mars talk them into doing shots and especially of Jose Cuervo Especial. She couldn't get out of bed for two days after the last time. Not that she had really minded, Clotho had taken very good care of her those two days. She smiled a cat-that-ate-the-canary smile. Where was her mate anyway?

She looked blearily around for her lover, who tapped her on the shoulder. She spun around and almost fell, she had forgotten Clotho had come over a few minutes ago and was standing on the other side of her. "Tear u r... lub u..." She wrapped her arms around her mate's neck and planted a wet sloppy kiss on her mouth.

Clotho chuckled at her very drunk mate after she finished bathing her face. "Mars..." She growled, "I am so gonna whip your butt!"

Clotho really couldn't complain too much, she had done a few shots herself. The only difference between her and her mate was she had stopped doing them when she started feeling drunk. Mars knew exactly how to push Lilith's buttons to get her to keep on doing the shots, and apparently by the looks of the others, vampire, Slayer, Incarnates and humans alike he knew how to push theirs as well. She had a feeling after all that had happened in the last few months to all of her new family members a night of drunken revelry was in order.

"Whaaaa?" Mars gave her his innocent look and shrugged his shoulders. "Hits hot liek I florced dem..."

Clotho got distracted as Lilith's hand slid down her back and grabbed her ass. She reached behind her to grab her mate's wandering hand and left her front exposed. Lilith grabbed her breast quickly; belying how drunk she was, then again, Lilith could be on the verge of passing out or comatose and her hands, mouth... Clotho pushed her thoughts away from there and concentrated on capturing her mate's hands.

The two Immortals started playing what Clotho affectionately called, 'Lilith's Drunken Hand Chase'. The game was simple, Lilith would keep grabbing, touching, teasing body parts of Clotho that should not be receiving attention in public until Clotho could capture both of Lilith's hands. Sometimes, more often than not, Clotho just gave up, hauled her lover over her shoulder and pulled a Cave-Clotho on Lilith.

Faith started giggling as she watched them. "Wears Bleee? I wanha plaaay foo!" She started giggling harder at the two Immortals, then her giggles turned into hiccups, which only made her giggle harder. Mars started laughing with the Dark Slayer. "I canned st...hop... hickclubbin..."

Buffy was going to kill her, she couldn't believe how drunk she was, at least she wasn't the only one. Mars, Lilith, Spike, Gunn, Lily, Giles, Wesley, Fred, Xander, Anya and even Lachesis were shit-faced too. One more shot and Willow, Tara, Gary and James would be right there on the shit-faced boat with them.

Faith hadn't thought the Watcher and the ex-Watcher had it in them, but they had proven her wrong. They were the only ones so far who were even close to keeping up with Mars, whom it seemed had a cement stomach. Belatedly Faith thought, maybe she should have learned something from the four-day drinking binge story of Mars and Luc's.

"Hear... twill ghet rib of te hiphops..." Mars handed Faith a glass, had she been less drunk she would have thought twice about drinking it, especially since he had a sly smile on his face.

She peered into the glass, it looked safe, it wasn't amber so it couldn't be Jose'. Faith chugged it down and started choking. Mars almost knocked her over as he pounded on her back. Fuck! Tequila! Clear Tequila! FUCK! She was going to kill Mars, as soon as she figured out which one of the ten of him was the real him. "I'm gon kilt u Pandy-mlan..."

"Me?" This time he tried out his innocent look on Faith, he chuckled when he saw it wasn't working. Ah hell, only one thing left to do. "Knot me Wesleeve n Biles... dem..."

Faith leaned around Mars trying to see Wesley and Giles, it was a good thing that she was holding onto the bar or she would have tipped over. Wesley just gave her a drunken proud smile. Giles took off his glasses and pretended he couldn't see her, which was the truth, with or without the glasses right now.

"Gonno kilt u Engleash n Gee-mlan..." She tried to snarl threateningly at them but it just came out as a drunken slur. "...and choo two Clandy-mlan. N Blee's gonno kilt me... "

She looked around for Buffy again; she was taking an awful long time going to the bathroom. Faith wondered if she was all right, Buffy had indulged in a few shots with them, but not nearly as many as the rest of them. Buffy was still a little leery about drinking after the whole Bad-Beer episode. Leery or not Faith knew Buffy had a good little buzz going on too. She finally spotted Buffy on the other side of the room talking to Angel, she smiled happily, she was glad they were friends.

She wouldn't have gotten as far as she had if it wasn't for Angel believing in her when she hadn't believed in herself. She knew deep down if it wasn't for Angel she would more than likely be dead by now. It would have made things hard on her if she had lost him because of being with Buffy. Faith honestly didn't know if she would have been able to deal with the guilt if he had still been in love with Buffy.

Her eyes shining with love for them both, Faith leaned against the bar and watched them.

xxxxxxxxxx

...Watched them with a smile as they laughed together.

...Watched as Buffy playfully pushed Angel away from her.

...Watched as her smile started turning into a frown.

...Watched as a low hissing growl started in her chest and her happy thoughts of a few minutes ago started to get dark.

...Watched as the growl started rumbling louder in her chest as Buffy reached for Angel again.

...Watched as Buffy's hand ran up the length of Angel's arm.

...Watched as the growl escaped from her almost silently.

...Watched as Buffy reached up and cupped Angel's face between her own two small hands.

...Watched as Angel gently tilted Buffy's face up towards him.

...Watched and saw the tears streaking down Buffy's face.

...Watched as Angel pulled her mate to him in a hug.

...Watched as her mate clung to Angel.

...Watched them as the images from the echo she was getting from Buffy played in her head the whole time she had been watching them.

...Watched them as her Mother's voice started to scream in her head telling her once again, 'Who would want you, you're nothing but a fucking little whore'.

...Watched them as the part of her that knew with absolute certainty that Buffy was her soul-mate and that she was Buffy's, yelled over and over, 'MINE, MINE, MINE', clearly, loudly in her head, trying to drown out all the other voices and obliterate the images from the echo.

...Watched as she stood frozen in place.

...Watched as she felt herself become stone cold sober.

...Watched as she felt herself become just plain old cold all over.

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"Are you kidding me? You're over two-hundred-years old. Angel you can do this!"

"I can't, Buffy, I don't know how."

"Oh come on, you're acting like a teenage boy who's never done it before." She playfully pushed him, her hand resting briefly against his chest, smiling at him. She pulled her hand back and felt something strange, her brows furrowed as she concentrated, her smile faded into a frown.

Warm, he felt warm. No! That wasn't possible! There was something picking at the edges of her brain, trying to worm its way out. She remembered this feeling.

Angel watched her, his own smile faded being replaced by a look of concern. She raised her hand and ran it up his arm.

Warm! Warm! The memory was coming to her, it was blurry, she didn't want to see it! She didn't want to know! She cupped his face between her hands, it too was warm! She dropped her eyes from his as they filled up with tears; she felt his warm hand tilt her head back up towards him.

She looked at him wide-eyed; the tears streaming down her face, as he gently pulled her to him. She clung to him as the memories came back with a vicious clarity, ripping through her at the speed of light.

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She had been sitting on the park bench in the late afternoon; the sun wouldn't be going down for another few hours. Her mind going round and round in circles, why did they keep torturing each other like this? They could never be together again. So why? She heard a noise, looked up, and saw him standing in the shade of the trees. She watched as he started to move towards her.

Watched as Angel stepped out of the shade and into the bright afternoon sun.

Watched him move towards her until he sweep her up, his lips closing over hers as they kissed like there was no tomorrow.

"Right, you spoke to the Oracles and they said you were cured for good. But how do we know for sure they speak for the powers? They could be pranksters."

"Or there could be another loophole."

"Exactly. And then the two of us would be in even deeper and it's 'grr' all over again."

"It would be smart to wait a while. See if this mortal thing takes."

"Exactly. And even if it does, it's still complicated."

"You're still the Slayer. And I'm not sure what I am now. I don't know what my purpose is. I can't just wedge myself into your life back in Sunnydale. It wouldn't be good for either of us. Not to mention the fact that you just started college. And what about slaying. I mean, if you had me to worry about, you might not be as focused."

"Are you going to pull out a pie chart on me now? Because I get it, it's not necessary."

"I'm not saying I don't want you. You know how much... I'm just saying it's worth the wait to be sure this is right. I need to be sure you won't get hurt again."

"You know it's a good thing I didn't fantasize about you turning human only about 10 zillion times, because today would have been a real let down. - So how does the mature plan go? You call me? I call you? What?"

"We stay in touch - just not..."

"Literally. - Funny." She stated, then got up and walked right past him. "Okay, I'd better..."

He watched her retreating back, "Right. Remove the temptation."

She spun around to face him, "So, we'll - talk soon."

She put her hand down on the counter and touched his by accident. Touched his warm hand! He looked down at his hand touching hers, as she looked down at her hand touching his. He couldn't do it, he couldn't be good, mature, responsible, even if he was over two-hundred-years-old. He loved her, he wanted her, he grabbed her hand and pulled her to him, slamming his mouth down on hers with brutal force.

They stumbled back against the refrigerator; she jumped up wrapping her legs tightly around his waist. She wanted him, needed him, loved him with a passion that she hadn't known existed. He stumbled over to the kitchen table whipping everything off it with a sweep of his arm, while she rained kisses all over his face. He lay her gently down on the table, following her down.

He hit the ground hard; he groaned in pain, there were salt crystals all over the room. He scrambled away from the Mohra demon. It was taking all he had to remain alive, he had forgotten he was no longer a vampire, forgotten what it was like to be human, how easily humans could break. He climbed up on the lid of the salt silo, the demon jumped on him they both crashed through it.

The demon stood towering over him, holding him down, its foot on his throat. The demon raised his sword over his head, ready to plunge it into him.

"Yours is a sacred death ushering in the beginning of a sacred time. The End of Days has begun and cannot be stopped. For any one of us who falls, ten shall rise..."

She jumped down on top of the demon cutting off his words, knocking it off her lover. She grabbed the sword from the demon, "You hurt my boyfriend."

"A great darkness is coming." The Mohra told her.

"You got that right." She told the demon before they began to fight. She knocked the demon into the wall then taunted him, "Come on, this is the great warrior of darkness?"

They started to fight again; the demon threw her into a wall and then picked her up by the throat. "Together you were powerful." The demon told them, "Alone, you are dead. What do you think of the great warrior now?"

He looked at the demon that was holding his love, his Slayer by the throat; he picked up a handful of salt from the ground. "Little bland." He threw the salt at the demon, hitting him in the eye. "Needs salt."

She started to fight the demon again, her lover too hurt to help her now that he was just human.

"The light of a thousand eyes.., The jewel in its forehead! You have to smash the jewel." He yelled to her.

She picked up the other weapon the Mohra demon had and slammed him solidly in the jewel that was in the center of its forehead. The jewel broke and in a flash of bright light, the demon was gone. She rushed over to her lover, pulling him to her. She cradled Angel's head in her lap.

"Buffy, are you all..."

"Shh, you're all right. That's all that matters. Shh, you're all right." She leaned down and kissed the top of Angel's head. Her love, her life, her soul-mate. "And it's over. And we're together."

"I went to see the Oracles. I asked them to turn me back."

"What? - Why?"

"Because more than ever I know how much I love you."

She backed away from him in horror when she realized what he was telling her. "No. No, you didn't."

Angel followed after her, "And if I stayed mortal one of us would wind up dead, maybe both of us. You heard what Mohra said."

"Mohra is dead. We killed him."

"He said others would come."

"They always come. And they always will. But that's my problem now, not yours, remember?"

"No, I won't just stand by and let you fight, maybe die, alone."

"Then we fight together."

"You saw what happened last night. If anything, I'm a liability to you. You take chances to protect me, and that's not just bad for you, it's bad for the people we were meant to help."

"So what? You just took a whole 24 hours to weigh the ups and downs of being a regular Joe and decided it was more fun being a superhero?"

"You know that's not it. How can we be together if the cost is your life, or the lives of others?" He looked down into her eyes, then took her into his arms, holding her close, holding her tightly. "I know. I couldn't tell you. I wasn't sure - if I could do it if I woke up with you one more morning."

She was trying so hard to hold back the tears, trying to understand. "I understand. - So, what happens now?'"

"The Oracles are giving us back the day, turning back time, so I can kill Mohra before his blood makes me mortal."

"When?"

"Another minute."

She started crying, this wasn't right. It wasn't right! They were meant to be together. She knew it! "A minute? No. No, it's not enough time!"

"We don't have a choice. It's done."

"How am I supposed to go on with my life knowing what we had? What we could have had?"

"You won't. No one will know but me."

"Everything we did."

"It never happened."

She shook her head in denial at him, "It did. It did. I know it did!" She put her hand over his heart. "I felt your heart beat."

"Buffy..." He leaned down and kissed her softly, gently, pouring all his love for her into the tender kiss.

She looked at the clock the minute was almost over, "No! Oh God. It's not enough time." She watched him as the tears fell from his eyes.

"Shh, please. Please."

They clung tightly, desperately to each other, basking in the warmth, hearing each other's hearts pounding furiously as they cried.

"Please, please." He whispered hoarsely.

"No. I'll never forget. I'll never forget. I'll never forget. I'll never forget." She insisted, she told him, told herself.

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But she did forget... She looked up at Angel and knew that it was only she that had forgotten. The Powers, the Oracles had only taken the memory away from her, not him. 'How could he?' her mind screamed at her. Her heart was breaking, she dropped her eyes from him again, she couldn't look at him. Her heart broke a little more, she didn't want to break his heart any more than it already was, but...

She felt his hand on her chin raising her face once more up to his.

"Angel, I... I..."

"I know Buffy... I knew even before you did..."

She searched his eyes, trying to find the truth, trying to see the truth in them. And she found it.

"We have to talk about this..."

"We will Buffy, but now is not the time..."

"I..." Then she was hit with an echo from Faith that was so pain filled that it made her knee's buckle. She would have fallen to the ground if Angel hadn't caught her. She looked at him again and he gave her a tender, gentle, understanding smile.

The kind of smile, that made her remember why she had fallen in love with him in the first place.

The kind of smile, that made her remember why she loved him still.

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She was shattering into a million tiny pieces in the same way as the bar crumbled to pieces beneath her grasping hand. She had seen it all and knew it wasn't a fantasy, knew it was a memory. How could he have done it? How? God how could she fight him for Buffy now? Fight him knowing what he had done for Buffy and humanity, knowing what he had given up, knowing what they could have had? Knowing that they, Angel and Buffy could have that now, now that his soul was permanent. Fight him after all he had done for her. She stood frozen, staring sightlessly across the room.

She felt the cold creeping through all of her, her blood, her skin, through every cell. She was dying inside. Dying because she knew she couldn't stand in their way. She would leave, they belonged together, she wouldn't get in their way, it was the right thing to do, the only thing she could do.

Both of them had given her so much, they had showed her all that life had to offer, all that was there just for the asking.

She made her decision, but still she remained frozen, her own voice in her head still screaming, 'Mine'.

She felt cold, so cold, she had never felt this cold.

Then a warm body was pressing up against her. Warm hands were sliding up her arms, one gently grasping her hand pulling it away from the bar. Then the warm hands were sliding up around and behind her neck, pulling her head down.

She stared down into golden-hazel eyes and then a warm mouth was pressing up against hers, whispering one word over and over to her against her lips, 'Yours'.

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Clotho was still trying to capture her lover's deliciously wandering hands; she was just about to the point where she was ready to throw Lilith over her shoulder and fade them home, right into the bedroom to be exact. She glanced up and saw Faith out of the corner of her eye. The look on Faith's face sent a shudder through her. She tried to move away from Lilith and over to Faith, but Lilith captured her and planted a very wet kiss on her neck.

"Lilith!"

Lilith jerked her head back from her mate's neck; something in Clotho's tone instantly sobering her up. She looked at her lover and then followed her gaze to Faith. Lilith knew that look on Faith's face intimately, had seen it reflected back at her in the mirror a long time ago when she thought she had lost Clotho.

Clotho knew that look as well, she had seen it on Lilith's face all those years ago. What the hell had happened? Before either of the Immortals could make a move towards Faith, Buffy was there, pressing herself against Faith. Pulling Faith's hand away from the shattered piece of the bar she was gripping tightly. Wrapping her arms around Faith's neck, pulling her head, her mouth down to her own.

One word came to Lilith and Clotho over and over again softly, 'Yours'. Without saying a word, Clotho waved her hand and faded the Slayers to the cottage by the lake.

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Neither noticed that they were no longer at Mars' home. All Buffy noticed was how cold Faith's skin felt under her hands, how Faith was trembling against her, the soft growling rumbling out of Faith's chest, the taste of both her and Faith's tears upon her whispering lips.

What she noticed most of all though was that Faith had made no move to embrace her back and from the moment she had touched her, Faith had totally closed down the connection between them. The only thing Buffy felt coming from Faith was empty coldness, as if Faith had retreated so far that there was nothing left.

She felt Faith's cold hands sliding up the length of her arms and her heart leapt and a whimper of joy escaped in the gaps between her repeated word. It quickly turned to an anguished sob that she tried to stifle as she felt those same cold hands grasp hers, pulling them away and off of an equally cold neck, as Faith stepped back and out of her reach.

"No. Not yours. Not mine. His." There was no hate, no anguish, nothing but a finality in Faith's tone. Faith wondered as she said the words if this... this coldness, emptiness was how it felt when you were dead. How it felt when you were dead inside.

"You're wrong. I am yours and you are mine. I am not his and I don't think I ever was. And I don't want to be his. I am right where I want to be, right where I will always want to be, where I belong. With you."

"It's okay. You don't have to pretend. I felt everything you felt, I felt it when you remembered why you fell in love with Angel, why you're still in love with him."

"You're right. About all of it, except the last part. After I remembered it all, I felt my heart break for what he had done for me, for what he had given up. And then I felt even worse, felt my heart break for him even more because... because even knowing what he did... knowing that his soul is permanent now... That it isn't him I want.

"And when he smiled at me, I knew that I didn't have to say anything. Knew that he already knew and that he was okay with it. And yes I was reminded of why I fell in love with him and why I still love him. Why I love him still Faith, not why I'm still IN love with him. Just love him as a friend. The only person I am in love with is you. Not him. You, just you!"

"Maybe. But if he had stayed human we wouldn't be here right now. You two would be together like you should be."

"No, Faith, I don't think so. I don't think we would have still been together. I don't believe that Angel and I were meant to be together. I think that you and I would still be here, still be together. I think if I wasn't so scared, so in denial of what it was I was feeling for you all those years ago that you and I would be celebrating our third anniversary right now. You and I are where we're supposed to be, how we're supposed to be. And even more importantly where I want to be. With you, only you."

"It's not that I don't believe you Buffy. But you said it yourself, you are the 'Queen of Denial'. I think that is exactly what you're in right now Buffy, denial. So I'm going to do the right thing. I'm taking the choice away from you. I owe you and Angel that much. I owe you both so much more than even that. I owe it to both of you to walk away. Let you both have the chance that you've been denied twice now. You know I'm right Buffy. It's the right thing. You and Angel belong together. Don't blow it, take the chance, you'll see I'm right Buffy. You know deep down in your heart, in your soul, I'm right about this Buffy."

With every 'Buffy' that Faith uttered, she felt like a stake was being driven into her heart. She knew that she was Faith's 'B', not 'Buffy'. And Faith, using her full name, struck terror in her, deep down to her soul. Buffy couldn't believe what she was hearing, couldn't believe that Faith was saying this. Saying it with absolutely no emotion, her voice hollow as if it were some recording that was unable to capture the nuances of tones and feelings.

She looked into Faith's pitch-black eyes, and saw nothing there. No life, no love, no nothing. They weren't even lifeless, lifeless at least would have been an indication that there was something, some kind of feeling, they were just bottomless and empty.

Faith had retreated so deep and so far away that Buffy was terrified that she wouldn't be able to reach her. This wasn't the Faith she knew, wasn't any Faith she had ever known. The Faith she knew was passionate, alive, vibrant, no matter what emotional state she was in, the woman standing in front of her speaking with dead, unemotional, almost robotic calmness wasn't any Faith she had ever known.

Faith moved stiffly towards her bag on the floor of wherever the hell they were. She had no idea how they had gotten here, she didn't care, nothing mattered to her. She was just cold, empty, and nothing seemed real to her anymore.

All of it, all she was feeling, all of her was securely locked away behind the steel wall in her mind. It was all too much, all the feelings, all that she, they, had gone through in the last seven months, and what was happening now. So she had retreated, further than ever before into that safe, numb place in her mind. No one could touch her there, it was cold there, so cold, but she had been cold before, in time she knew she would get used to it again.

This was the right thing to do she owed it to them. She owed it to Buffy and Angel to do this for them. Once again, like she had for most of her life, the Dark Slayer left herself, her own needs, her own feelings out of the equation.

"This is not your choice to make Faith." Buffy's voice was hard but loving. She waited for Faith to turn around and face her but she didn't. "Did you hear me Faith? This is not your choice. Have you heard anything at all that I said to you? Anything?"

"I heard you Buffy. I heard and understood everything you said."

"Then, I don't understand. What is it? Don't you believe me? Don't you believe I love you? That I'm in love with you. I don't understand. Faith, I don't understand..."

Faith kept her back to Buffy, she wanted to turn around, Buffy sounded so small, so sad, so hurt, so scared. She couldn't though, her body refused to listen to her heart. She was doing the right thing. She had to be strong. "I believe that is what you believe Buffy. I believe you're doing this because you don't want to hurt me. Because of what happened with Glory and J-Jon... with him. So I am making the choice to walk away, because I know you won't." Faith continued to walk towards what she could see was the bathroom.

"What are you doing? Where are you going? You can't just walk away from this; we're not done talking about this Faith!" Buffy was panicking. She didn't' understand what was happening. Mentally she was banging up against the blocks that Faith had put up, trying to force her to open the connection between them.

"I'm cold. I'm going to change. And we are done talking." She stopped at the door to the bathroom, she took a deep breath, but she didn't turn around. "It's over Buffy. We are over."

Buffy flew across the room, her arms going around Faith from behind. She pulled Faith's stiff, cold body back against her, tears streaming down her face, dripping from her chin onto Faith's bare shoulder.

Faith felt each and every single teardrop fall onto her shoulder. They burned her, scorched her to her soul. Still though, they could not dispel the emptiness, the coldness inside of her.

"It's...it's...not... It's..." She stopped, pulling in a ragged breath; she was choking on her tears, unable to get her voice above a hoarse whisper. "It's not over! Do you hear me Faith?! It's not! I won't let it be over! This isn't your choice. I am in love with you. You are in love with me. It is not over! There is no way I will believe this is over. It will never be over between us Faith, ever.

"Open yourself up, let yourself look inside of me and you'll know that I am not lying, not in denial. For the first time in my life, I know exactly what I want. Who I want. I have no doubts, no second thoughts, no regrets. I am exactly where I want to be, with exactly who I want to be with. Open yourself back up to me baby please, open yourself up and see there is no one else I want to be with."

She was doing the right thing, she was, she knew she was. But why was she so cold, so empty then? "I can't Buffy. I can't open myself back up to you because I didn't shut myself off from you. Our connection broke right after you remembered and you touched me. So you see I am right. It is Angel you belong with not me."

She pulled out of Buffy's embrace and stepped into the bathroom. She turned around and faced Buffy, steeling herself against Buffy's crying eyes, steeling herself against her mate's pain. "It's over between us Buffy. It's over."

She turned around and softly closed and locked the door to the bathroom and on her soul. She moved away from the door hoping that the distance would block out the sound of Buffy's almost silent sobs. She changed into black jeans and a t-shirt quickly. It exhausted her, she felt lost and so very alone, so very cold.

The broken connection was what had finally convinced her that what she was doing was right. She turned back around, bracing herself to leave the bathroom, to leave Buffy forever; she took half a step towards the door, which seemed miles away and...

She crumbled to the floor, drawing her knees up tightly to her chest and started to rock in pain and denial. 'B, YOUR MINE, I'M YOURS', her voice in her head kept screaming, throwing itself up against the steel barrier she had erected trying to break free, trying to be heard, trying to open the connection between itself and its mate. The tears ran down her face and felt like hail as they splashed down onto her bare arms.

Cold.

It was so cold here.

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...Ever and always ~ Give me ever and always ~ Body and soul ~ Yesterday ~ Today ~ Tomorrow ~ Body and soul ~ Give me ever the years you wept inside when cold ~ All the sins and secrets never cried ~ All the dreams you kept and the tears you sold ~ Give me ~ Give me ever and always ~ Ever and always ~ Body and soul – Sisters of Mercy

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