Complement

by Michele D

This is the first fanfiction I wrote. I began it in 2000 & completed it in 2002. I will mark it complete once all chapters are up. I'll be posting a few chapters at a time. Just a heads up, it is long. Starts in the future that only lives in my head (Prologue). Takes place right before & during Judgment (Part I).

30. XXIX - Crown of Scars

XXIX - Crown of Scars

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Forget about the fight to wear the crown of scars ~ Cause you've already won ~ Forget the pain and leave tears behind you ~ Bury underneath your feet the remains ~ Of what's been left behind ~ Cause you have got a long, a long way to run ~ But now you dance the rest of the way ~ And you don't look back ~ Can you hear the angel singing ~ As you rise ~ Now you fly away ~ And you don't look down ~ And you laugh till you can't laugh any longer ~ As you watch your chains fall to the ground ~ Will you fall against the wall that you have built with your own hands ~ When you trip upon the thorns that you have tied your legs together with ~ When you walk upon thin ice that you know you should not be walking ~ Why do you wonder why that you fell through...

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Buffy remained motionless, arms out in front of her like Faith was still within them as she listened to the sound of the door close and lock. What happened? How did this happen?

HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN?

She had the irrational thought to find Angel and just stake his undead ass for doing this to them, as if this were all his fault. She knew it wasn't his fault, it wasn't anyone's fault.

She didn't understand any of it and she wanted to know where the hell her Faith was because the woman who had walked through that door wasn't her Faith. Wasn't the Faith she knew now, wasn't any Faith she had ever known.

The Faith she knew was passionate, alive, vibrant, whether she was happy, sad, angry, psychotic or sane. Her Faith now and even three years ago would have gone into some sort of tirade, whether it had been mumbling under her breath, throwing her hands up in the air and pacing or even throwing punches taking her anger out on something or someone. She might have even run away scared, afraid to fight for what she wanted, but any of 'her Faith's' would not have stood in front of her speaking with dead calmness like the stranger that had gone into the bathroom.

That woman wasn't even the young girl she met three years ago who had hid her pain behind a wall of indifference. The young girl who had flirted outrageously with her, who had made her laugh and cry. Who had admonished her to 'find the fun'. Wasn't the young confused, lonely, scared girl who had sided with the Mayor, wasn't the young girl, she had stabbed or had switched their bodies. Wasn't the young girl with a death-wish who had tried to get Angel to kill her. At least that young girl had been alive, had some fire in her eyes, in her soul.

The woman in the bathroom wasn't the woman who had come back to Sunnydale even knowing she might get her ass beaten or even killed. Who was looking to make up for the past, to find redemption. Wasn't the woman who had set, who still set, Buffy's own senses on fire. Wasn't the woman who had stayed even though Buffy had treated her like shit for months, had treated her like the whore Johnny and her Mother had brainwashed and abused her into believing she was.

Wasn't the woman who had sacrificed her own wants, desires and was willing to let Buffy hate her, even kill her, in order to force Buffy back on the path to healing, to opening herself back up to the world so that Buffy didn't go down the same road she had gone down. At least that woman had done it with a passionate voice, tears in her eyes, with some life to her.

And that woman in the bathroom certainly wasn't the woman Buffy had fallen in love with. Wasn't the woman who she knew had an innocence she hid under the Bad Girl exterior. Wasn't the woman who could be both shy and brazen at the same time. Wasn't the woman who was willing to sacrifice her own soul for any one of their large extended family.

Wasn't the same woman who made her laugh, made her cry, smile, feel things she had never thought possible.

Wasn't the same woman who made her heart flutter and her breath catch with just a look. Wasn't the same woman who had handed herself over to the cruelties of both Johnny and Glory in order to protect her.

Wasn't the woman whose sheer strength of will had let her survive not only her childhood, but their trip to Glory's Slayer Hell. A strength of will and determination that had enable them both to survive their trip to hell.

And she sure as shit wasn't the woman Buffy had spent the morning having a water fight, then a tickle fight with. Not the woman she had spent hours cuddling with today, whispering, sharing, getting to know again, starting to heal with and heal from, their seven-month ordeal in hell.

Wasn't the woman that Buffy knew didn't know the meaning of never or couldn't, would never just throw up a white flag and surrender without some kind of fight. Wasn't the woman who had made such a beautiful declaration of love to Buffy at the Joining reception. Wasn't the woman that Buffy was learning could bring out the absolute best in her there was.

And she sure as fuck wasn't the woman who had kissed Buffy this morning with her own soul as Buffy had kissed her back with her own soul as well.

The woman Buffy knew had retreated further than she ever had before, past the wall of indifference into a sort of nothingness. On some level, Buffy understood it, after all that had happened to Faith, happened to them, all the fears that she was struggling with, all the fears and emotions Faith had felt when she stood staring at herself in the mirror that morning. Then everything she had gotten from Buffy when she had remembered the day Angel had become human. She knew that Faith had just assumed that it all still held true now and had misinterpreted what Buffy had felt after she remembered.

It had just escalated all the other fears, it had overloaded her, it had been the final straw that had sent her spiraling down that long tunnel into the nothingness, much like Buffy had when Glory had taken Dawn. And somehow, down in that black hole Faith had lost touch with the bond they shared as more than Slayers, the bond they shared as eternal soul-mates.

Without even realizing she had done it, Buffy had changed into jeans and a t-shirt while the thoughts had been thundering through her head. She caught sight of herself in the wall mirror, her mascara was streaked down her face, the tears were still falling and she let them.

But it was her eyes that captured her attention, they were almost glowing, the gold flecks in them flashing at her with determination. It was as if they knew a secret that had yet to surface in her own consciousness. She looked back at the door as if she could see through it to her mate on the other side.

She moved to stand right in front of the bathroom door; she closed her eyes and tried to see her mate with more than just her eyes. She saw the light, the thread that still shone there, luminous and beautiful just like her mate. It still connected them; the thread that Atropos had told them could never be severed. The one that bound them throughout eternity, it called to her and she followed.

She saw the woman wearing Faith's face sitting on the floor crying and rocking. Then she followed the thread further and forced her way through and felt her mate slamming against something, trying to break free, screaming the same thing over and over...

And even if Buffy hadn't found the thread, even if she hadn't followed it into Faith's mind, into her heart, into her soul, she knew.

Knew for the first time in her life, exactly what she wanted, who she wanted, where she wanted to be and who she always wanted to be there with her forever and she knew with every part of who, what she was, that Faith wanted to be right there with her, right there beside her.

And it was why Buffy didn't believe for a minute a goddamn word Faith had just said to her.

She reached out and placed her hand lightly on the door...

"Faith, I am yours and you are mine..." she whispered and knew Faith, her Faith, heard her with more than just her ears.

And then she broke down the mother-fucking door.

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Faith didn't move as Buffy crashed through the door, it was like she was encased in ice. She saw an array of emotions all blazing out of Buffy's flashing golden eyes. Pain, sorrow, regret, hurt, anguish, fear, loss and once again, the strongest of them all, fierce, unconditional, eternal, love. They burned their way to her, into her, scorching her, blazing a path straight down into her soul, melting the ice on their way to free her from her self-imposed prison.

Then as if she were on autopilot she felt her mouth begin to move, the words coming from only the gods knew where, they weren't her words, weren't the words she wanted to say. "Buffy what the fuck do you think you're doing? Get the fuck out of here Buffy! IT IS OVER BUFFY! DO YOU HEAR ME? DO YOU BUFFY?"

Buffy just stood with her hands on her hips, looking down at her with the same 'and-another-thing' look she had given her this morning. The look that told Faith, Buffy was going to tell her something that was for her own good.

At any other time she would have been looking back at Buffy incredulously, considering what was happening right now, instead she stared back at Buffy with an emptiness that she saw Buffy physically flinch back from. The voice in her head started screaming louder, throwing itself more forcefully against the steel barrier keeping it confined and separated from its hurting mate.

"Oh I heard you Faith. I heard you loud and clear. It's not me who isn't listening, it's you. I broke down one door to get to you and now it's time to break down the wall, so that you can hear and feel the same things, I hear and feel."

Faith never saw Buffy move, one second she was standing in front of her and the next she was being held in those strong arms, wrapped in Buffy's warm, comforting, but steely embrace. She really didn't have the energy to try to escape, she was exhausted, and still so very cold, she made a feeble attempt anyway. Hoarsely she whispered, "Buffy wh..."

"Be quiet and just listen, just feel. And Faith... stop fucking calling me Buffy!" Buffy tightened her arms around Faith and leaned her forehead against Faith's, following after her when Faith tried to lean back away from her. She locked her eyes with Faith's, compelling Faith against her will not to break the stare, Buffy's eyes started to glow almost gold.

With ease, with surety and confidence born out of the knowledge that it was meant to be there, that it was right to be there and that it had always been there, she found the thread within her that bound, connected them and followed it to her mate.

She felt Faith shivering in her arms and her skin still felt so cold, and she tightened her embrace. She felt Faith jump slightly when she slipped into her mind, slipped into the place between their conscious and subconscious minds, where they had spent almost seven months together sharing their dreams, building a place where they had both felt safe. It was there she found her mate, separated from her and trapped by the steel barrier that had gone up to protect her when the world came crashing down upon her today.

They stood staring at each other in the dreamscape. It was nothing like the place they had built for themselves in Glory's hell. This place was stark, dim, barren, devoid of sound, of warmth, dead. It was cold and sterile and it frightened Buffy down to the depths of her soul that her mate, her Faith was trapped within the confines of this place.

It frightened her but it did not stop her from letting everything she was, all that she felt, from completely opening her mind, her soul; she hid absolutely nothing. No, it did not stop her from letting it all flow from her to Faith.

She could not break the steel barrier, could not banish the shadows or the fears that dwelled within this place. The only one who could do that was Faith. She held her hand out to Faith in silent supplication, letting her know she was not alone, letting her know that she would wait, wait forever, would stay here with her if she chose not to leave, letting her know that it didn't matter where they were as long as they were together.

Both Slayers let out an anguished, relief-filled sob when the Faith in the dreamscape reached right through the steel barrier with a hand trembling with fear, and a soul full of love and clutched onto the hand being held out to her and let her mate lead her out of the cold, barren, pain-filled landscape of her self-imposed exile.

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She pulled the shivering Dark Slayer closer to her, her hands rubbing Faith's arms and back, trying to get some warmth back into her. Christ, Faith's lips were even blue from the coldness of that barren place she had exiled herself into. Buffy had a moment of panic when Faith seemed to be pulling away from her and then she felt her mate's arms surround her, holding her so tightly, she thought her ribs were going to break.

"Oh god I'm sorry," her voice was hoarse and shaky. "Oh god I'm so sorry. I don't know..." She moved herself a little out of Buffy's embrace so she could see her. She looked into Buffy's hazel eyes and was stunned once again and she had a feeling that she would always be stunned by the love that blazed in them for her.

She lifted a trembling hand and gently caught some of the still falling tears from her mate's eyes. She started shivering almost violently, she felt Buffy pull her more tightly to her and she buried her head into the crook of Buffy's neck. Then the tears started again, great wracking sobs and she couldn't get them to stop. Words slipped out from between the sobs only this time they were her words. They were disjointed and jumbled but they were hers.

"I don't know. It, the world... everything... it all came crashing down on me. It was too much. It was already too much. When I... when I saw what happened... felt how you felt. I thought. I got scared. I felt like I had lost you. After everything, it was too much. I couldn't feel you inside anymore. Couldn't feel the, feel our bond and I... I wouldn't have survived Glory and him without you. Wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for you. And I don't know if I can get past it now without you.

"When I, when I thought I lost you... I shut down, I hid... I'm such a coward. I went back in my head to that place I lived in when I was a kid. It's so cold there, so lonely and I couldn't get back out. I tried, but I couldn't get back out. All that stuff, all I said, I didn't mean it, I don't want it to be over. I don't want to lose you, not even to Angel." She was clutching at Buffy's shirt, her whole body trembling. "I'm not going to lose you, am I? Please... please don't leave me..."

Buffy felt Faith's hot tears cascading down her neck, her collarbone, soaking her shirt, she just held her more tightly to her, her own body shaking. Afraid to let her go, afraid if she did, Faith might slip back into that safe place again and this time she might not be able to get her to come back out again.

More than ever, Buffy knew they had to talk about all of it, Glory, Johnny, Faith's childhood and now that lost time from her own past with Angel. Right now though, she needed to reassure her mate, get her warm, and get her to sleep. She could feel the exhaustion coming off Faith, felt it in her own bones deep down. They were both exhausted physically and emotionally, today had been one long bumpy ride.

"No baby you're not going to lose me." She picked Faith up and carried her out to the bedroom. "I love you, I'm not going anywhere. I promise." She put Faith down on the bed, knelt down in front of her and captured her eyes and her hands with her own.

"I'm in love with you. I don't want to be with anyone else. And I'm going to keep on telling you that until you finally believe it. I don't care about what happened, what might have happened, what could have happened. You and I are forever Faith, and that's just the way I want it to be."

Buffy spoke with more than just her words, she spoke to Faith through their bond too, pouring all the feelings behind what she was saying into Faith, and for the first time since this had all begun Faith started to feel warm again.

"I think I'm starting to truly believe that. Starting to finally trust in you, in me, in us. I... I love you too."

Buffy smiled tenderly at Faith and rose from the floor; she gave her a quick hug. "I'm going to see if there is anything warm for you to sleep in. You're still shivering."

She made a quick search of the drawers in the dresser and found a matching pair of flannel pajamas. She couldn't help the smirk that formed on her face because she knew there was no way in hell that Faith would put the pajamas on. Damn Fates had a warped sense of humor they surely did. "Found something."

She walked back over to the bed, handed one set of pajamas to Faith and then started to strip out of her clothes. She risked peeking at Faith from under her lashes when she noticed that Faith had made no move to put on the pajamas. In fact, Faith was sitting on the bed staring at the pajamas with a look of horror on her face. She just couldn't resist the temptation to tease Faith about it.

"What's the matter baby?"

"They're... they're... they're Barney pajamas... No way am I putting these on. I'd rather sleep in my clothes." Faith threw the offending pajamas from her like they were a Slime Demon.

Buffy couldn't help laugh when Faith actually wiped her hand on her jeans as if it had gotten dirty by touching the pajamas.

"And you aren't sleeping in this bed with them on either!"

"Really?"

"Really. That purple thing gives me the creeps and if you're going to sleep in this bed with me you ain't wearing those, B... an..." Faith trailed off when Buffy gave her a smile that was so brilliant that she felt blinded by it. "What? What's that smile for?"

"You said my name!"

"Huh? I always say your name." Faith looked at Buffy in confusion.

"B! You said B, not Buffy, but B!" She saw the confusion still on Faith's face; she probably hadn't even realized she had been calling her Buffy and not B. "Before... when... when you were telling me it was over... You kept calling me Buffy and..." The tears Buffy had been holding back started to fall, "...and every time you said Buffy instead of B it was like someone was driving a knife through my heart."

This time it was Faith who was holding Buffy within her warm, strong embrace. She ran a soothing hand over Buffy's hair. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was doing it. I'm sorry B."

She picked Buffy up, carried her back over to the bed and softly lay her down. She crawled up onto the bed next to her and pulled her back into her arms. She felt Buffy shiver in her arms, "We should get under the covers and where the hell are we anyway?" She thought to herself that she should be scared. She had no idea where they were or how they had gotten here, but for some odd reason she wasn't.

The sound of a piece of paper fluttering came to them, Faith turned her head towards the sound and saw an ordinary piece of white notebook paper on the nightstand on Buffy's side of the bed. She half crawled on top of Buffy and reached for the paper.

She picked it up and read it aloud to Buffy. "B and Grasshopper, you looked like you could use some privacy so I faded you to the cottage by the lake. Lilith and I will stop by in the morning and show you around. Everything has been arranged and your belongings are there. Sleep well my sisters, Clotho and Lilith."

Buffy laughed a little at Faith's growling of her nickname. Faith gave her a quizzical look and Buffy smiled up at her, she wrapped her arms around Faith and unconsciously started rubbing her thumbs in small circles on her back. "You look so cute when you growl." For a brief second her eyes flashed gold, and the emerald green flecks in Faith's eyes flashed back at her.

Buffy's smile grew a little larger when she felt and heard the half-growling purr rumbling in Faith's chest, her own rumbling purr answering her mate.

Faith smiled down softly at the sound of Buffy purring underneath her. Her smile faded as she wondered if she were pushing things, acting like nothing out of the ordinary had happened in the past few hours. She sat up abruptly and didn't miss the fear that flickered across Buffy's face at her actions. She sat back on her calves and ran a shaky hand through her hair. "B... are we... are we all right? I mean are..."

Buffy sat up immediately and scooted down next to Faith, she took her hands into her own. "Yes, Faith, we're all right. I know everything isn't perfect. There is a lot we have to work out, a lot we need to talk about. But we'll do it together, we'll get through it together.

"I want you… me and you to feel comfortable with each other again like we were earlier today. No matter what happened or happens, I don't ever want either of us to feel like we can't hold or be near each other." She smiled a little, "Knowing us if it's not what either of us wants we'll let the other know."

She reached up, and what seemed to be becoming a habit of late she tucked a few stray locks of Faith's tresses behind her ear. "I can feel how exhausted you are and I know I'm tired. I think though the best thing for us now would be to sleep. Unless you want to talk, cause if you do, we can. Whatever you want baby."

"I want to talk but I'm tired and I can feel how tired you are." A shit-eating grin that went from ear to ear spread across her face when she realized how good it was to feel Buffy through their bond again.

"What?"

"I can't even tell you how wonderful it feels to feel you again here." She put her hand over her heart and couldn't stop the smile from growing even larger, then fade as she got serious. "I felt like the best part of me was missing when I couldn't feel you anymore, I felt so empty, like a piece of me was missing. I never want to feel like that again ever B."

Buffy didn't say anything, instead she leaned forward and kissed Faith so softly, so lovingly that both Slayers didn't breathe for a good minute after it was over. Faith was staring at her with that wide-eyed amazed look she got sometimes and Buffy had a feeling she was staring back at her with the same look. She shivered, from both the look and the chill in the air. "Damn it's cold in here. I wonder if the Fates ever heard of heat?"

"I'll make a fire..."

Buffy shivered again, only this time it was from the low husky timber of Faith's voice. God, she loved the sound of her voice when it was like that. "You want me to see if there is something else for you to sleep in?" Buffy asked Faith her voice just as low and husky, as she reached for the ugly Barney pajamas for herself.

"B..." Faith began hesitantly as she peeked at Buffy through the curtain of her hair; she tossed a log into the fireplace. "B... do you... um, you think we, well that maybe."

Buffy smiled encouragingly at her, waiting for Faith to sort out what she wanted to say. She already knew, had gotten an image in her mind from an echo. But she waited giving Faith the chance to ask for what she wanted.

"I well, I, the only thing I want to sleep in or next to, is just you and ah nothing else. Just you B..." She was flustered, why the fuck was this so hard and now she felt stupid on top of everything else. "Ah fuck that didn't come out right." She dropped her eyes to the floor and concentrated on starting the fire.

No sooner had she gotten the fire started when a very naked golden-haired Slayer was lifting her up. She was deposited on the bed and gently pulled up into a sitting position. Buffy leaned down and lightly kissed her on the mouth, then she reached down and grabbed the bottom of Faith's shirt.

"B... what ah..." She couldn't stop the tremor of fear in her voice or her whole body from stiffening. She wasn't, that wasn't what she had meant, and she felt the cold ghost of his touch starting to crawl over her skin.

Buffy's hands stilled the second she felt it, she pulled Faith into her arms and softly stroked her hair. "I'm sorry Faith... Oh god I didn't... I mean... I wasn't going to... I know you're not ready for that... I was just so happy... cause I like sleeping like that too and we always did whether we were gonna or not and we haven't in, and I miss it, miss your warmth. Shit, I'm not making any sense am I... I'm sorry... I..."

Faith relaxed in Buffy's embrace, she felt the truth of Buffy's words flow over her, the echo of what Buffy had felt when she had asked her if they could sleep without any pajamas. The fear had snuck up on her and it was the only thing she had felt, it had drowned out everything else.

"B, it's okay... It kinda just sneaked up on me. I know you would never... I just... You don't have to apologize. Today's been just one big emotional roller-coaster ride for us both. It's okay really... And I still want to sleep that way, cause I... I miss sleeping like that too." Faith pulled back and gave Buffy a lopsided grin to let her know that she meant what she said.

Buffy smiled back, she jumped up on the bed and got under the covers, thinking that maybe it would be best if Faith undressed herself. Faith stripped herself of her clothes in record time; she crawled under the covers and without the slightest hesitation curled right up and into Buffy.

She tucked her head under Buffy's chin, her breath caressing the skin across Buffy's chest. She draped one arm over Buffy's stomach, her thumb lightly tracing circles. The whole length of her body pressed into Buffy's side intimately, one leg thrown over both of Buffy's.

She started purring contently as she felt Buffy's arm come around her shoulders, her hand gently stroking her hair. Buffy's other hand tracing patterns along the length of her arm, her cheek resting on the top of her head, and Faith could hear the answering purr coming from deep inside of her mate.

The word slipped from her without conscious thought, "Mine."

Buffy lifted her hand from Faith's arm, and gently tipped her face up towards her. She gazed down at her for a second, her eyes once again glowed gold, "Yours." She dipped her head down at the emerald glow that flashed back at her, and once again, softly and lovingly kissed her mate. "Mine," she growled low when their lips parted.

"Yours," Faith growled low back. She rested her head once again down under Buffy's chin and heard the purring in Buffy's chest get a little louder, and she answered in kind.

They let the sound of each other's comforting purring lull them to sleep.

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She was in the place between wakefulness and sleep listening to the sound of soft purring and the steady and even heartbeat beneath her ear, which let her know, her mate was still deeply asleep. She let the scent that was uniquely her mate's wrap itself around her senses, as she stayed steadfast in this in-between place.

Her hand slid gently, lightly of its own volition over a hard, flat stomach, up to the underside of one softly rounded breast, caressing her way over the slope of it, to stop and lightly tease a nipple, which woke to greet her fingertips and the palm of her hand.

She smiled sleepily when she heard the heartbeat and the breathing of her mate quicken. Her hand continued it's meandering to trace along her mate's collarbone, along the length of her neck, fingertips remembering, tingling with the joy of touching familiar, silky smooth skin.

She paused for a second or two, to rub the satiny strands of golden hair between her fingers before moving to trace along her mate's jawbone, her fingertips sweeping up to touch high cheekbones, then finally down to soft lips. She let her fingertips outline them, and smiled again sleepily when they parted at her touch.

Without conscious thought and still in that in-between place, she slid up and over her mate, hovering over her, looking at the beautiful, peaceful face below her with eyes heavy with sleep. She slowly lowered her head and replaced her fingertips with her mouth.

She kissed the corners of her mate's mouth with light kisses, then completely covered her mate's mouth with her own. She kissed her delicately, with reverence, and love. Her mouth gently caressing her mate's as she silently asked for her to join her in this in-between place.

She smiled against her mate's mouth, when she felt hands come up and around her. She increased the pressure of her kiss slightly as she felt her mate's hands sliding, moving lightly on her back, smoothing, making delightful patterns with her fingertips.

She let her tongue sneak out to taste, and relearn the texture of her mate's lips. Thinking to herself once again, as she had the very first time they had shared a morning kiss, that her mate tasted sweeter than even the sweetest wine.

She felt her mate's hands run up her back to come to tangle in her hair, the fingers tenderly massaging her scalp. She deepened her kiss, her tongue seeking entrance to the velvety softness of her mate's mouth. She felt her mate yield to her request, drawing her in, her mate's tongue sliding, dancing with her own. A thrill rippled under her skin and through her when her mate moaned her name into the kiss.

She felt her mate completely surrender herself to her kiss and to her, giving to her total control, and unwavering trust, letting her lead them to wherever she wanted them to go. She felt herself succumb to the seductive lure of her mate, it freed her, and awed her, the trust that her mate placed in her after all they had been through in the past eight months and just yesterday.

She deepened their kiss even further, moaning her mate's name back. Her thumb stroking along her mate's pulse point and that was when she felt the shadow of the same touch upon her own pulse point. It was erotic and strange all at once this new echo they now shared through their bond. Then the dawning realization came to her that if she could feel the ghost-touches on her own skin as she touched her mate then so could her mate feel the same ghost-touches upon her own skin when she was touched.

She pulled back from the kiss and started teasingly running her tongue along her mate's soft delectable lips as she tried to remember when these new ghost or shadow-like echoes had started. It was with horror she realized that she already knew the answer. She had shoved it down with the rest of the feelings, the memories from that place, from the hell they had endured for seven long months.

She briefly tried to fool herself into believing that it had only started when they had spent the ten day respite at the Fates' domain, but that lasted only a moment. And she knew then that up until this second that she had let herself forget. Had needed to forget in order to keep on surviving.

Which meant she hadn't been able to completely protect her mate from knowing his touch, because she knew that there had been times when she had been unable to keep the block up, effectively cutting off her mate from feeling what she had been feeling. Her mate had felt the shadow-like cold touch of him on her skin, much in the same way that she now felt his touch.

Without having to be told, Faith knew that Buffy was being haunted by his touch now as well. In her own mind, there was little difference between feeling it secondhand and feeling it first-hand because Buffy had also been forced to watch it all too.

Belatedly, Faith realized that at some point she had stopped kissing Buffy and had lifted up slightly to rest upon her elbows, while Buffy was lightly massaging her tense shoulders. She slowly opened her eyes and saw Buffy staring up at her with concern, love, want, desire and need.

"You felt it when it was happening didn't you? Felt his touch too, didn't you?" Her voice trembled with suppressed emotions.

"Yes, but you blocked it most of the time. And even when you couldn't block it anymore, you dulled it somehow. It felt like there were twenty layers between the echo and me. I know you dulled it because now, when someone touches you, it's clearer, less muffled."

"I'm sorry. I guess I didn't protect you as well as I thought I did..." Faith felt the guilt pressing down on her once again, making it hard to breath.

"Don't! Don't ever say that again. You did everything possible, including sacrificing yourself. So I never want to hear you say that again. Faith, yesterday we promised each other to stop blaming ourselves for what happened there. None of it was your fault, including this."

"I never wanted you to know what that was like. No one should ever know what it's like."

"I don't, not really. I can never know, feeling this second hand, it's not the same thing as it really happening to you. It's not like what he did to you. I will never know what that is like and that's because of you. Because... because you stopped that from happening. I don't know how to say this without it sounding weird or selfish or fucked up somehow, but I am grateful to you for doing that and I can never hope to ever repay you for what you did for me ever. And that just sounded so fucked up..."

"No it didn't. There wasn't any way I would let that happen to you. I already survived him. There was nothing that he..." Faith eyes started to glow a feral emerald green, and anyone else probably would have ran from her in fright, but Buffy wasn't afraid at all. She imagined that her own eyes were glowing an answering feral gold. "There was just no way B! No way I was ever going to let you know what it feels like, what it does... what it..." She felt it start to crawl under her skin again, the feeling that herald the ghost of his touch. She couldn't talk about this right now, she felt like she was starting to overload again.

"No I don't know, but you can talk to me. Tell me, when you're ready."

"I will... I just can't right now. It's just too much. Can we... can we just forget about it for today? Can we just have... I don't know... just not talk about it today, can we do that B?"

"Whatever you want... I am all yours... your wish is my command, whatever you want..."

There was a soft knock on the front door, and neither Slayer moved, they continued to stare into each other's eyes. Faith slowly lowered her head again and she kissed Buffy's forehead. She lifted herself up and stared into Buffy's eyes, her own once again a deep, dark, chocolate brown. She started to rise and stopped when Buffy lightly touched her arm, there was hesitation in Buffy's eyes when she looked at her.

"Faith, would you... would you just hold me for a second or two before we get up?"

"I'd hold you forever if that's what you wanted." Faith told her and then swept Buffy back into her arms. They lay holding each other until the soft knocking turned to insistent pounding and they heard Lilith say, maybe they should break down the door.

"NO!" Both Slayers yelled out together and then started laughing, the last thing they both wanted was to get caught au natural a second day in a row.

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They quickly put on the jeans and t-shirts that were tossed about the room from last night. Faith half ran to the door in her bare feet yelling, "All right, already," when the knocking started again. "Jeez, give a girl a chance to get dressed; you two are worst then mother hens..." She said as she swung the door open, then gave them a sheepish grin when she saw the concern on both Immortals' faces. "Come in..."

She stood back from the door to let them in. She took a good look around the cottage. It was one big room, made of wood and stone, almost like a warehouse loft. There were large exposed support beams in the ceiling and two round, telephone pole-like columns that went from the floor to the ceiling on opposite sides of the room.

The floor was hardwood with at least five scattered oriental rugs. The large four-poster brass bed was off to the right on the other side of the room. There was a fireplace in the wall by the bed, made out of stone and the size of a small closet. Another stone fireplace was on the opposite side of the room a little bit larger with a deep, dark, thick blue rug in front of it.

An extra-long, extra wide chaise lounge, bigger than the one at the Mansion and could easily hold two people comfortably, stood by the fireplace. A double black leather recliner sat opposite of the chaise lounge and Faith made a mental note to herself to find out about getting one of those for the Mansion.

There was a stereo cabinet with a state of the art CD player, tuner, and surround sound. A good hundred or so CD's were in the little wooden slots that were built right into the cabinet.

On the other side of the room was a floor-to-ceiling, in-the-wall bookcase that took up the entire wall. Books, hardcover, paperbacks, oversized were stuffed into every single available space; it would take a few lifetimes to read all the books there. There was even a few piles of books on the floor. Two high back leather chairs faced the bookshelves and each chair had its own reading floor lamp and a small mahogany side table.

A wide, low mahogany coffee table was in front of, but between, the two leather chairs. Not a TV or Playstation was in sight. The room was done in shades of dark blues, and with the exception of the kick ass stereo was very rustic.

There was a swinging door over by the chaise lounge, which Faith could only assume, led off to the kitchen, and then there was the bathroom door, or what was left of it anyway. The bathroom door was hanging haphazardly off its hinges and was splintered from the force of a certain golden-eyed Slayer slamming into it.

Maybe they won't notice. Right, Faith good one!

Faith closed the front door and made her way back over to stand by Buffy, she reached her hand out and took Buffy's into hers. After yesterday, she needed the reassurance of Buffy's touch, she felt Buffy squeeze her hand silently letting her know that she understood and felt the same way. The four of them stood in awkward silence staring at each other.

Lilith broke the silence because just like her kindred sister Faith, patience was not one of her many virtues. "I don't know about the three of you but I could use some coffee." She started making her way towards the door that Faith had been correct in assuming was to the kitchen. Right before she pushed the door open she asked the Slayers over her shoulder, "What the hell happened to the bathroom door?"

Tact wasn't one of her many virtues either. Then again, she and Clotho had talked in length about Buffy and Faith this morning. Lilith and Clotho had been through something very similar many years ago and they had decided that maybe a little push would help to open the channels of communication between the Slayers. The fact they had been standing there holding hands was a good sign, but the broken bathroom door also showed that something major had happened here last night.

Over the last six weeks, Clotho had told Lilith that the Slayers seemed to be alternating between an almost friend-type relationship, to an almost completely strangers-type relationship. All three Fates, as well as Luc, were worried and had collectively decided that Clotho would lend a helping hand if it were needed. Lilith was recruited to help as well, as if she could ever say no to her mate. She was still a little amazed that the Fates, Luc and now Mars, Lily and Chronos, had put aside all of the rules for the Slayers and their extended family of friends.

"Um... the door was like that when we got here?" Buffy shot Faith a look, she couldn't believe Faith had actually said that as they trailed into the kitchen after the Immortals.

"Really?" Lilith shot back as she put on a pot of coffee. The sarcasm was so thick in her tone that a chainsaw wouldn't have been able to slice it.

"No... I was being an ass last night and... I'll pay for the door to get fixed."

"No I'll pay for it; I'm the one who broke it, not you..."

"Yeah but if I..." Faith stopped and turned towards Buffy she took both of her hands into hers, she lowered her voice a little below a whisper. Clotho and Lilith busied themselves getting food out of the refrigerator trying to give them as much privacy as possible.

"You shouldn't have had to break down the door. After all this time I should have believed and trusted in what you said, in you, in me, and what we have together. But I won't ever doubt or disbelieve you or in us ever again, not after last night. No one has ever done what you've done for me. No one B. No one has ever come after me and you've done it more than once. You came for me in LA..."

"You wouldn't have been in LA in the first place if it hadn't been for me Faith. If I hadn't been such an asshole."

"Yeah you were an ass..." She stopped and smiled taking the sting out her words. "In the long run it doesn't matter, because you came after me. You didn't have to, you knew I would come back because I was in love with you. But you came after me anyway. Then you forgave me for everything that happened in the past.

"You gave me a second chance, a real second chance. You told me you wanted me in your life, as more than a friend. You didn't push for anything I wasn't ready for because you knew you had hurt me. And you knew you could of and knew I wouldn't have said no to you. But you didn't. You just let me know you would be there for me when I was ready. You waited for me and no one has ever given me a choice when it came to that." She stopped for a second trying to gather her thoughts, not sure, if she was making sense.

"... And then you waited again, waited to tell me you loved me, because you knew I was scared to tell you, scared of love. Knew that for me love had always been something ugly and hurtful. And again you didn't push me to tell you anything, you just let me know when I was ready you would be there to listen.

"When we were there, when they had us you did everything in your power to protect me. No one's ever protected me, no one's ever even tried. You didn't turn away in disgust, you didn't judge me, you were my strength and to my amazement you loved me even more, even after you knew everything, even after everything you saw..." She stopped again and gently stroked the side of Buffy's face.

"...And then last night after everything I said, after I told you it was over, tried to push you away. You didn't leave, you refused to give up, you still fought for me. You refused to let me go, you refused to let me run away, to turn my back on you, on me, on us. You never lost faith in us." She paused and smiled, and saw Buffy's answering smile on her play of her name.

"You came after me, you didn't let me go. Nobody B, not one person has ever fought for me, including myself. You've been right there for me catching me when I fall, helping me to learn how to stand on my own two feet. You taught me what love is, given me the first place I could ever call home, given me the first real family I've ever had.

"You've given your love to me unconditionally, without reservation and it's the most beautiful thing anyone has ever done for me. I promise you right here, right now that I will never doubt your love for me, or what we have together ever again." It was a promise that for the rest of her life Faith never once broke.

"I will always come after you Faith, always fight for you, for us, for what we have together. I would have torn the house down, piece by piece with my bare hands to get to you if that was what it would have taken to get you back.

"With you, by your side, is where I want to be. I believe in you, in us and I trust you not with just with my heart, my soul, but with my life, with my sister's life, with everything and everyone I hold dear."

Faith leaned down and kissed Buffy softly, trying to express in that kiss all that she had just said, all that she felt for the golden-haired Slayer. Buffy thought she was going to start crying; the kiss was so tender, so loving, so soft, and so the gentle, the innocent side of Faith that she rarely let anyone see, but who Buffy was getting to know more each day.

Faith pulled Buffy into her tightly and was just about to kiss her again with a little more passion when a discreet clearing of a throat reminded her they weren't alone. They turned to face the Immortals.

"Eggs okay and ba... you're blushing! I don't believe you're blushing! Clotho, hurry get a camera! Nobody will ever believe that Faith blushes... Hurry..."

"Why was it that nobody friggin bothered to tell me that trying to find redemption included blushing...?" Faith griped under her breath and turned even redder.

Buffy leaned in close to Faith and whispered in her ear, "I like it when you blush; you look all cute and hot at the same time... Takes all my will power not to just drag you off somewhere and ea..." Now Buffy blushed and she couldn't believe what had almost come out of her mouth.

She wasn't sure how Faith would react, she waited in agony to see if the fear would find a home in her mate again. Instead, she heard the soft half growl, half purr rumbling low in Faith's chest.

"I should blush more often then," Faith whispered back low and husky.

"Oh now the other one is blushing. They're so cute aren't they?" Lilith poked Clotho in the side, "Come on aren't they cute. Like a couple of frisky cubs..." Both Slayers growled at Lilith.

"Keep it up Lil and I'll tell them what makes you blush..." Clotho threatened, only her tone was so silky and sultry it left no doubt in either Slayers' minds what might make Lilith blush. Then all three started laughing when Lilith actually started blushing. "Works every time," Clotho laughed then gave her blushing mate a soft kiss on the mouth.

Lilith turned her head away from her lover her nose in the air, and was rewarded by Clotho grabbing her up and kissing her so hard, so hot, so passionately that the even the Slayers started to sweat.

"B, I'm thinkin' those two might need a cold shower."

"Huh... What about the power?" Buffy was alternating between watching Lilith and Clotho kissing and Faith's mouth and hadn't heard a word that she said. She couldn't help thinking they look so good, so hot kissing, Clotho's all light, innocent, pressing against, into Lilith who was all dark and fiery.

She wondered if she and Faith looked like that when they kissed, because it sure felt like they should. Then she drifted off thinking about the way Faith had been kissing her this morning when they were both half asleep, she felt a familiar tingle of desire course through her.

"B?" Faith watched Buffy drag her eyes away from the Immortals and even without their echoes she would have been able to read what she was thinking.

It took Buffy another second or two to drag her eyes up to Faith's. Buffy's eyes were flashing gold at her, only they weren't feral, more like primal in their desire-filled look. She wondered if hers were flashing emerald, it seemed their merging with the mystical energy that made them Slayers had done more than just increase their 'Slaying Powers'.

She felt the half growl, half purring start in her chest, and gave Buffy a wicked smile when she heard an answering one from her. She realized that Buffy had probably never seen two women kissing quite like that before.

She remembered the first time she had seen two women kissing passionately, she had thought it was the hottest thing she ever had seen in her life and she imagined Buffy was thinking the same thing. It certainly helped that both Immortals were very hot in their own way.

"They look pretty hot don't they B?" Buffy just nodded to her and Faith watched as Buffy's eyes lowered again to her mouth.

Buffy's tongue peeked out and wet her upper lip, then she captured her bottom lip between her teeth. She looked up at Faith again, their eyes locked and the heat in the kitchen went up a few more degrees. More than anything, she wanted to kiss Faith but she made no move towards her, she relinquished control once again over to Faith.

She felt Buffy's desire come to her in an echo and she heard an answering response in herself. For a second or two, it felt good then she started to get scared. What if she freaked out like she had this morning? No, if she kept on thinking like this she would. And she did want to kiss Buffy, with more than just a soft tender kiss, she remembered how good, wonderful it had felt kissing her this morning when she was still in that in-between place before her memories came back to haunt her.

It suddenly dawned on her that while she had been staring into Buffy's eyes this whole time, that even though Buffy wanted to kiss her, she had made no move to do so. Like she had yesterday and this morning Buffy had given control over to her, trusting her to lead them where she willed.

Buffy would not force her to do anything she wasn't comfortable with, or ready for and she already knew that Buffy would stop the second she asked her to. Somehow having total control over this gave Faith the comfort zone she needed and freed her from all the thoughts playing havoc in her head, all but one. She wanted to kiss Buffy as much as Buffy wanted to kiss her.

She stepped in close to Buffy and put her hands on her waist, then slowly started to back her out of the kitchen, preferring privacy. The minute they cleared the door, she turned Buffy and kept walking her backwards until she was flush up against the wall.

She planted a hand on either side of Buffy's head; she slowly started to lower just her upper body down towards Buffy, like she was doing a push up. She watched with heavy-lidded eyes as Buffy's eyes fluttered close, Buffy's soft sigh of her name the second before her mouth covered Buffy's sent desire whipping through her.

Faith's mouth came down so softly on hers, it was as if they were kissing for the first time and Buffy had to restrain herself from wrapping her arms around Faith and pulling her tightly to her. She left her hands at her sides and concentrated on the soft lips pressing down on hers, the only part of their bodies that were touching.

She felt as Faith started to naturally deepen the kiss, then pull back to run teasingly light kisses over her lips. Until finally her mouth captured Buffy's bottom lip, which she held captive with her teeth for just a second, before pulling it in and suckling, nibbling on it, Buffy felt her knees go weak.

Her knees grew weaker still when she felt those soft lips trail over her jawbone. She leaned her head back against the wall, her breathing shallow from just these slow sensual kisses Faith was bestowing on her. Faith could make a living out of doing this she thought, and then quickly tossed that thought right out the window; she didn't want Faith kissing anybody else but her. EVER! Then she lost her train of thought as Faith slid her mouth over her neck and every part of her woke up at the lips that felt like a hot summer breeze trailing along her sensitive neck.

"God you smell so good. You taste even better..." She captured Buffy's earlobe with her teeth and traced its edge with her tongue. "I've missed kissing you, being near you, touching you, missed just you..."

"I've misse..." Buffy never got to finish as Faith captured her mouth once again and gave her a kiss that, had she been a vampire, would've turned her to ash.

Her hands curled into balls at her side as Faith teased her lips with her tongue and Buffy couldn't stifle her moan as Faith's tongue began a slow erotic dance with her own. She just melted into Faith as she let her dominate this lavish ballet of the most sensuous kiss Buffy ever had in her life. And if it were possible Buffy would have sworn that her mouth was climaxing. She felt the kiss with every single cell in her body, her blood was surely boiling and she didn't think her heart was capable of beating any faster.

Faith was in heaven. This felt so good, she had forgotten how incredible, how beyond incredible it felt, how special it felt, how special it made her feel, to kiss Buffy. Every part of her was alive with joy, alive with want, with need, with love.

She felt Buffy's desire for her coursing through her, Buffy's love blanketing and holding her in its embrace. Buffy's mouth on her own was slowly erasing the memory of his. She stepped in closer to Buffy until the whole length of her was lightly leaning on the whole length of Buffy.

She ran her hands down over Buffy's neck her fingertips once again tingling with joy at the feel of the silky smooth skin beneath them. She continued down over Buffy's collarbone, shoulders, down her arms, until she clasped each one of Buffy's hands in each of her own. Then Faith just let herself go and got lost in Buffy, lost in their kiss, moaning Buffy's name.

She was in fear that her knees would buckle when Buffy's tongue came out to play with her own. When they parted for just the briefest of seconds to breathe and Buffy once again moaned her name in that low throaty way that sent ripples of desire running riot over all of her and her legs began to shake.

She could feel Buffy trembling against her and realized that she was trembling too. They continued to kiss, both lost in the feel of the other against them and what they made each other feel, until finally after the fifth time what Clotho was yelling from the kitchen sunk in.

"I don't think I can walk..." It came out more like a caress then a simple fact and the look that Faith gave her almost made her knees buckle. The kiss that Faith swooped down and gave her did make her knees buckle.

She reached up and grabbed a hold of Faith's shoulders before she melted into a puddle on the floor. She looked up at Faith after she had finished ravishing her mouth and this time Buffy swore her mouth had multiple orgasms. "Now I know I can't walk."

The smile Faith gave her was radiant and Buffy gave her one that was just as bright in return. Then Faith swept her up into her arms and planted tiny little happy kisses all over her face as she carried her into the kitchen on her own none to steady legs.

The four of them took one look at each other's kiss swollen lips and burst out laughing before they sat down to Lilith's surprisingly kick ass breakfast.

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They all watched Faith with amazement as she ate more food than the three of them combined. It amused Clotho and Buffy to no end that the two 'Bad Girls' drank their sugar and cream with a little coffee, for which both blondes received threatening growls from their raven-haired counterparts. Their response was to laugh harder.

When Faith had finished eating every single last crumb on the table she turned and gave Buffy a wide grin, and Buffy couldn't help but give her one back and think that Faith looked absolutely fucking adorable. There was a little dollop of jelly in the corner of her mouth, without thinking twice, Buffy leaned forward and gently kissed Faith, her tongue sneaking out to lick off the jelly.

"You missed a spot," she whispered before she leaned back in her chair.

Much to Lilith's delight Faith blushed again, "Oh my god she's blushing again!"

Faith just shot Lilith a look but didn't say anything. She started piling up the dishes on the table with Buffy's help. "We'll clean up since you two cooked," Buffy said to the room in general.

"Oh don't worry about it; I'll take care of it."

"No you cooked Lilith we'll take care of it."

"Nah..." Lilith waved her hand and the dishes, pots and pans were cleaned, dried, and put away in the blink of an eye. She shrugged her shoulders, "Gave up doing the whole mundane housewife thing when I left Adam in the Garden."

Adam? Garden? Why is that familiar? Like Professor Walsh's Adam? First man. Garden! No, no way that would...

"Not Adam, Adam... Like Adam and Eve. That Adam? The Garden of Eden, that Garden?" Buffy sputtered then her mouth dropped open when Lilith and Clotho both nodded yes. "But there wasn't any Lilith in the Garden of Eden." Buffy protested.

Faith started laughing, "I knew you were older than me but I didn't figure you were old enough to be my Great Grandmother times a zillion, 'Grandma'. Yup, Gran it is from now on. So 'Grannnn' what's it feel like to be made from someone's rib?"

"Considering that men wrote the story of the Garden of Eden and Adam and Eve do you find it surprising that I'm not in it? After all, I did leave his sorry ass." She waved her hand at the Slayers to stave off their questions.

"To make a long story short. First off, I was not created from Adam's rib that was Eve. I was created from the same things he was, and I was there first, not Eve. Only mister I-am-the-King-of-the-Garden, tried to do a 'Me Tarzan you Jane' deal and I wasn't going for it. As far as I was concerned we were equals, but Mr. Anti-feminist didn't see it that way. He thought just because the Creator, created him first that he got to be my master. So I left him.

"Didn't really like men that way too much even way back then. I am part of the Hebrew Myths, which is probably why Willow recognized my name. I am also referred to in the Bible in Isaiah 34:14. I've been accused of being a succubus. I've also been accused of killing infants..." Her voice changed to one of repulsion at just the thought alone.

"Supposedly I kill the children that don't have a certain amulet over their cribs. That rumor in particular I find repulsive and it pisses me right the fuck off because I would never, ever, hurt a child. It is also told that I bore a hundred children a day by the Red Sea, does this body look like it bore a hundred children?

"What the simple truth is, Adam and I were in the Garden together, the Creator intended for us to be mates, it didn't work out and I left. Considering that women were men's property back then, it's not so surprising that I was removed from the story and portrayed in, shall we say, an unflattering light. And that was a very long time ago, and since I left the Garden before Adam and Eve's fall from grace I retained my immortality."

Clotho and Lilith couldn't help laugh at the two openmouthed gaping Slayers. "Okay, kiddies, time to get showered, we've got a long day ahead of us! So move it. I'm sure Gran," Clotho received a light punch on the arm from Lilith for her use of Faith's new nickname for her mate.

"As I was saying, I'm sure we can find something to occupy ourselves with while you two get ready. Jeans, t-shirts, boots and a light sweater or jacket will do. And the bathroom door is fixed by the way."

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Lilith waited until the Slayers had left the kitchen before she spoke. "So what do you think, you think everything is okay? Well as okay as it could be considering all they've been through."

She and Clotho had been up almost the whole night worrying about the Slayers after Clotho had faded them to the cottage last night. Neither one of them had missed that Faith had not responded to Buffy at all before Clotho had sent them here.

Clotho had been surprised at how quickly Lilith had taken to both Slayers, but not nearly as surprised as Lilith herself. For the most part Lilith was, while sociable and knew probably more 'beings' then Clotho, she had few that she called friend and even fewer still that she called family. Already Clotho could tell Lilith considered not only the Slayers family but the rest of the Slayers family of friends, her family as well.

"I think they are getting better. I was worried at first when I saw the shattered door, but they seem closer than they've been in weeks. I think whatever happened yesterday between them forced them to stop trying to hide what they're feeling from each other, from blocking their bond. We both know what trying to keep the bond blocked all the time does.

"Sometimes it's hard to remember that they are so young they've both been through so much. And I can't even begin to comprehend what Faith must be going through, but I think with Buffy's help they will get through it together. They had a solid, strong relationship before all of this and their commitment to each other just grew stronger when they were being held. I think they need just to be kids or just twenty-year-olds for a little while, instead of Slayers who are twenty-year-olds.

"So, as Faith would say, we are going to help them find the fun again. They remind me of us, I think we're all a lot alike and I really enjoy their company."

"Find the fun eh, as if we ever lost it. And I think you're right, they're a lot like us, which means they are both stubborn, hardheaded, hot tempered, passionate, gentle, loving, and mated for eternity. And I think that Faith is more like me, while Buffy is more like you and this definitely should be fun. I'll finally have someone who will understand my humor..."

"I don't think even Faith will be able to understand your warped humor..."

"Care to wager on that. Either case, it's strange, because you know I don't take to people or Immortals, demons, well you know what I mean. I don't take to anyone quickly or easily but with these two it's like I've always known them and it's not just them, but all of them.

"Sort of freaked me a little at first, not to mention that you or rather the 'Fates' broke their absolute golden rule of not interfering, hell not just you three, but Lucifer, Crow and now it looks like Lily and Mars have jumped on the bandwagon too, which means the rest of the 'Incarnates' will soon follow. It just feels right somehow, which in and of itself should scare the living shit out of me..."

"Yes it does feel right, doesn't it... They're so cute together, actually a beautiful sight and I haven't seen a bond as strong as theirs in eons. It funny, being around them makes me feel twenty all over again."

"So I noticed..." Clotho just arched an eyebrow at Lilith's cryptic comment. "The kiss you gave me this morning." Lilith told her, her eyes grew darker just thinking about it.

"What? We agreed that we would act normally around them. That it would be good for Faith, for both of them to see, to remember, what it is like to be affectionate with their mate..."

Lilith couldn't help laugh at the innocent look Clotho tried to give her. "Clo... while that kiss was most definitely affectionate, it was a far cry from a just-because-I-love-you kiss."

Clotho got up from her chair and walked over to lean against the counter. "I don't know what you mean."

Lilith stood up and slowly walked closer to her lover, whom she knew was definitely playing with her now. "You know exactly what I mean. That kiss was more of a, and pardon me for being crude, it was a, I-want-to-fu...mmm..."

She never got to finish because Clotho reached out and pulled her to her by the waistband of her leather pants.

Clotho leaned up and into Lilith and gave her another 'affectionate' kiss that sent Lilith's senses reeling. She pulled back gasping for air after a minute or two, then gasped again as she felt Clotho's hand slip into the front of her leather pants, of which all the buttons had been miraculously undone without her knowing.

"You wouldn't dare..." She mumbled into Clotho's neck, and a second later, she found out that her mate could, and would dare.

"You were saying..." Clotho's husked to Lilith, not giving her a chance to answer as her mouth captured both her mate's mouth and her moan.

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They grabbed clean clothes from the drawers, because their bags had apparently been magically unpacked. Much like they assumed how the bathroom door had been fixed, with a simple wave of the hand of Clotho or Lilith. An awkward silence had settled around them out of nowhere. They both headed for the bathroom at the same time, they stopped and faced each other in front of the door.

While Faith felt like she would be comfortable taking a bath with Buffy or even now sleeping with nothing on, she wasn't comfortable, in fact she was terrified at the thought of taking a shower with Buffy. She couldn't recall a time that they had showered together when they hadn't ended up making love in the shower or dragging the other out into the bedroom. They had not once ever been able to shower together without ravishing each other.

She knew that Buffy wouldn't try anything unless she initiated it, but just the thought alone of showering together was causing the knots to start coiling in her stomach. It confused the hell out of her, especially after the kisses they had shared first thing this morning, and then the ones that had left her shaking while Lilith had made breakfast.

She wasn't sure how to tell Buffy and she didn't want to hurt her feelings by making her think she didn't trust her or making her feel rejected. Things had been going so good, she felt good, she desperately wanted it to stay that way and she was just afraid that showering together would change that and more than anything she just wanted to take a break from the roller-coaster of suppressed emotions today.

Buffy watched Faith as everything she was thinking played across her face. She got it all in an echo as well, because Faith had completely dropped all of her blocks, all of her shields. It was like both their feet were glued to the floor and Buffy decided to take the lead this time, to follow her instincts and hope they were right. "Faith, it's okay. I understand... We don't have to shower together."

"B, it's not that I don't trust you... it's just, for some reason this is...I don't know how to explain it. It felt so good to kiss you before, and I just want to keep that feeling for now. For some reason showering together, it's just making my stomach knot up. I just, I don't want you to think it's you. Am I making any sense?" As she was saying it, she felt to her surprise, the knots in her stomach start to loosen some, as if expressing her fear was taking away its power, his power over her. They weren't completely gone, even though she wasn't ready for them to shower together, the idea didn't terrify her anymore either.

"Yes, you're making sense and I do understand. You don't have to be afraid to tell me anything at all, even if you think it might hurt my feelings. I know you love me. When it comes to this part of our relationship, I'm going to follow your lead. I trust you completely. Just tell me what you need, what you want, and I'll do everything in my power to give it to you. And when you're ready to talk, I'll be right here waiting for you, ready to listen."

Faith moved closer to Buffy, pulled her into her arms, holding her tight and smiled when she felt Buffy return her embrace. "I know you will B... and I'm so glad I have you to help me through this, cause I don't think I could make it alone this time."

They just held each other quietly for a time, then they both started giggling when they heard a gasp, followed by a low moan come from the kitchen.

"They so wouldn't be doing what it sounds like they're doing in our kitchen. Would they?" Buffy whispered between giggles to Faith.

Faith never got a chance to answer, Lilith unknowingly answered Buffy, when she moaned Clotho's name, followed by a 'Yes there!' Buffy collapsed into Faith muffling her giggles in her shirt, mumbling, "Oh my god! I don't believe them! Do you believe this...?"

Faith couldn't answer her right away she was too busy stifling her own giggles in the crook of Buffy's neck. "No. But since I think they're a lot like us, I'm not surprised. One of us better get in the shower."

"You go first. I hope there's headphones for the stereo, or maybe I can put my fingers in my ears."

"Or maybe you could come in and talk to me while I'm showering. Keep me company." Faith got a huge echo of joy from Buffy at her request. She didn't wait for Buffy to answer her instead she said, "I'll take that as a yes."

They practically ran over each other in their haste to get into the bathroom, they almost broke the bathroom door slamming it closed when they heard another, even louder moan from the kitchen.

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Neither Slayer had noticed last night that the bathroom was actually two rooms. The first room only had a marble-topped double sink with a mirror the length of the counter. The main part of the bathroom was off through a doorway on the right. Both Slayers stopped in awe, their mouths hanging open when they got a good look at the room.

The sun streaming in through the skylight that was almost the size of the entire ceiling brightly lit the bathroom. There was a Jacuzzi tub exactly like the one in their bedroom at the Fates' home; only this one was the size of a small swimming pool. The glass shower stall that could have easily fit five grown men comfortably had two massage showerhead jets on each of its four sides. There was another door off to the side, Buffy peeked her head in and saw that there was a toilet and a sink, affording the user a little more privacy. The whole room, the floor and the walls were done in black and white marble, and was gorgeous.

There was a shelf lined with all different types of bath oils, soaps, shampoos, lotions, just about anything and everything either Slayer could dream up. Big fluffy, soft looking towels and washcloths were on the shelf next to the other bathroom toiletries.

With delight, both Slayers saw that their amber and black silk robes from home were hanging side by side on a hook on the wall.

"I can't wait to take a bath in that tub. A bath at night. When the moon is out, the stars shining, and all those bath oils. Not an alone bath, you know. Not a by-myself bath, but a bath with you, Faith." Buffy groaned in her head, babble mode had kicked in and she was extremely nervous, she could never remember ever being this nervous.

"Me either B," Faith walked over and looked at the shelf with all the bathroom toiletries, she was never going to be able to pick one. Buffy walked up behind her, reached over her shoulder, grabbed a bar of lavender musk soap and handed it to her.

"I like the way this smells on you..." She grabbed shampoo and lotion and handed those to Faith as well.

"Okay... I'm ah, gonna jump in the shower now." Faith suddenly felt awkward and shy, wondering if this was such a good idea after all.

Buffy made a big show of inspecting everything on the shelf, trying to give Faith a little space. She fiddled with the bottles, acutely aware of Faith undressing behind her. She waited until Faith was in the shower for a minute or two before she turned around.

She stood frozen as she watched Faith, head tipped back, eyes closed, hands in her hair pushing it back off her face, as the water ran down in rivulets over her body. Buffy slowly moved forward on shaky legs, she slid down to the floor by the shower and rested her back against the wall. She tried to calm her breathing, which was shallow as she just stared at the unconscious beauty that was Faith.

Faith had felt Buffy eyes on her and at first she had felt uncomfortable feeling the lust coming from Buffy, until she realized through her own fear that it was wrapped up in so many other emotions, the strongest of them once again, love. When she opened her eyes, she saw how Buffy quickly averted her own and then Buffy started a babble that would put Willow's best babble to shame.

Buffy looked away quickly when Faith moved out of the direct spray of the jets and opened her eyes. "You think we can get one of these showers at the Mansion or even the tub? Cause then..."

Buffy was babbling about everything and anything, her eyes looking everywhere but at her, and Faith thought she was absolutely adorable. She was sitting on the floor, fiddling with the hem of her shirt and every once in a while Faith would catch Buffy sneaking a peak at her. Buffy was so cute, so endearing right then, trying so hard to put her at ease, make her feel comfortable that Faith could only think of one thing to do.

She opened the shower door and leaned her head out, "B." Buffy just kept on babbling, Faith wasn't sure if she actually heard her, she tried again. "B!" She waited again and finally Buffy stopped babbling and looked at her. "B, I can't hear you too well..."

"Oh... I'll, ah... I could speak louder then..."

"I could hear you a lot better if you got in here with me B."

"Really?"

"Really, B."

"Are you sure Faith?"

"Yes," and Buffy gave her another one of those smiles that blinded Faith for a minute it was so beautiful. Then Faith started laughing when Buffy took her clothes off at the speed of light, and was in the shower with her so fast that had she blinked she would have never seen her move. "Eager much B?"

Buffy blushed, her eyes peeked up at Faith through her lashes shyly, "Always where you're concerned Faith."

Then Faith gave Buffy one of those smiles that blinded Buffy for a minute it was so beautiful.

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Faith couldn't help it, she teased the shit out of the Immortals for the entire day as they showed them around. Neither Clotho nor Lilith really minded, they were just happy to see the two Slayers smiling, laughing and acting like twenty-year-olds should act.

The immortals found themselves acting like kids too, especially Clotho. Which Lilith didn't mind at all, especially after what happened this morning in the kitchen.

They took them out to the lake first, which was a short distance from the cottage. They explained to them how the lake and cottages, which each of the Incarnates had around the fifteen-mile lake were surround by a magical protection and privacy spell. There were boundaries set up for the land and the lake that belonged to each of the cottages that ensured privacy; no one could cross the boundaries without permission first. Nor could anyone see into the area surrounding the cottage and lake the spell surrounded.

There was approximately twenty feet of in-between space between each cottage's boundaries. The spell that surrounded the cottage and the lake for where the Slayers were staying had been set up to allow Lilith and Clotho to enter this one time without permission. After today, anyone wishing to gain entrance had to basically ring the magical bell and get permission from one of the Slayers to step onto the property or use the part of the lake that belonged to the Slayers' cottage.

"So if you want you could run around naked anywhere on the property, in fact, do whatever you want and no one would be able to stumble upon you or see you." Lilith told them slyly, planting the seeds of all the possibilities in both Slayers' minds.

"And you will never see a sunset or sunrise in any realm, anywhere that can compete with the one here. The lake itself glows with all the colors, and I am not even going to try to describe it. Describing it would just fail miserably." Clotho volunteered, remembering seeing in the Tapestry of Life how the Slayers used to rise every morning to watch the sunrise together and what it meant to both Slayers.

She had no idea whether or not they had watched the sunrise together since their return from Glory's hell. Once the Fates had decided to include, and throw out the rulebook where it concerned the Slayers and their extended family, they had stopped watching their lives vicariously within the Tapestry.

Like the other Life Threads that belong to the rest of the Incarnates and the others the Fates considered family the Fates turned blind eyes to the weaving of the threads on a personal level, affording all their family members privacy. The Tapestry would alert them if need be to any impending mortal danger or if a prophesy was involved with any of their family members. Clotho explained this to the Slayers as they walked the short distance to their next destination, the stables.

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No one was surprised to see Faith walk directly over to the pure black stallion at the far end of the stable. The stallion, Obsidian, and Faith stared at each other, both recognizing the wild nature and proud spirit of the other. No one ever had been able to tame or ride the stallion, including Lilith, Mars and Lily, who had a way with all things belonging within her sphere of power as The Green Mother.

Obsidian moved forward in his stall at a speed that only an Immortal or a Slayer could see. He had been known to knock people on their asses or bite those who had gotten within his reach more than once. The warning both Immortals started to shout at Faith died in their throats, they watched with amazement as Obsidian nudged then nuzzled his nose in Faith's shoulder trying to get her attention. The light peel of laughter from Faith delighted them all.

Faith nuzzled the black stallion back, loving the silken texture of his mane; she could feel the mischievous spirit of the stallion. "We're a lot alike aren't we? I'm a 'Bad Girl' and you're a 'Bad Boy'. You want to meet my mate?" Faith whispered to the stallion, who neighed in response. "B, come on over here and meet..."

"Obsidian," Clotho supplied for her.

They all watched amused as Buffy hesitantly made her way over to the huge stallion, keeping a leery eye on the horse. The horse brayed softly at Buffy when she moved to stand closely a little behind Faith, unconsciously reaching out to grip Faith's hand as she peeked at the stallion over Faith's shoulder.

Faith gently stroked the long snout of the horse, "You're going to be nice and let my mate pet you, aren't you Sid?" Obsidian snorted and tossed his head at the raven-haired Slayer.

Faith didn't know why but she was drawn to the spirited stallion, it felt like she knew him, just another odd thing to add to her list of odd things that had happened since she had become a Slayer. Faith gently brought Buffy's hand up to stroke Obsidian, her head close to both Buffy and the horse as she whispered softly to them.

The Immortals watched them with indulgent smiles on their faces. They were being given a rare glimpse into a side of Faith very few people were ever graced to see besides Buffy. There was such an innate gentleness to the way Faith was speaking so softly to Buffy and yes, even Obsidian, calming, gentling, both the stallion and the golden-haired Slayer. The way she was ensnaring them with her words and soft touches, for which neither of the Immortals had to be mind-readers to know made both Buffy and the horse feel special, loved and cared for.

A soft braying came from behind the Immortals and they turned around to see Obsidian's mate, Sol, pushing against the bottom half of the stall trying to get free. Clotho waved her hand and the stall door opened, the large albino mare exited the stall and made her way towards the Slayers and her mate. She nuzzled her nose into Buffy's hair, and the Immortals heard the sound of soft laughter as both Slayers laughed when Buffy almost jumped into Faith's arms at Sol's affectionate nuzzling.

Sol, gently nudged Buffy aside so she could get to her mate. Obsidian tossed his head, his mane flying, preening for his mate. They slid the sides of their faces together in greeting, nickering softly to each other. The Immortals watched as the two horses and the two Slayers snuggled into each other. Buffy's hand reached out of its own volition to gently stroke the pure white mare's long nose, feeling drawn to the mare in the same way Faith had been drawn to the stallion.

Lilith snuggled into her own mate, feeling a peacefulness and a sense of serenity surround all of them, animals included. She hadn't felt this way in a long time, young, carefree and with a feeling in her heart that everything and anything was possible. She felt her mate tighten her arm around her waist and the same feeling came to her from Clotho through their bond.

They watched the Slayers and in particular Faith, whom they could see was beginning to feel comfortable not only with Buffy but within her own skin once again. They could see no trace of the 'Bad Girl'. She was nowhere in sight. In her stead, was a big-hearted, gentle, loving woman. And next to her stood her mate another, big-hearted, gentle, loving woman. They were each other's compliment, and Lilith finally got to see first-hand why Clotho, why they all thought the two Slayers were a beautiful sight together. And she couldn't help but to agree wholeheartedly.

The spell was broken when Faith opened the stall at Obsidian's gentle nudge, she understood what he wanted, understood his need to be close to his mate. The white mare wasted no time in entering the stall; the horses leaned into each other, their heads resting lightly, gently against the other's.

"They're beautiful aren't they B? Light and dark..."

"Yes... just like us, light and dark. Beautiful just like you..." Faith felt herself start to blush from Buffy's words.

"She's..."

"So do you two ride?" Clotho asked the Slayers quickly, cutting off Lilith before she could start teasing Faith about blushing again. They both shook their heads no. "Would you like to learn?" They both nodded their heads yes quickly, both of their eyes shining with excitement. "Okay! Then Lilith and I will start teaching you tomorrow. You'll find what you need at the cottage! Are you ready for our next stop? I think Obsidian and Sol want to be alone!"

Faith and Buffy laughed when they saw that what Clotho said was true. Obsidian was getting frisky with his mate, who was playfully pushing him away, and both Slayers swore that Sol was peeking up at Obsidian with playful, flirtatious eyes.

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Their next stop was at a large barn-like structure that was out behind the cottage. Both Slayers started bouncing with glee like five-year-olds who had just been set loose in Disneyland. It was the biggest training room either had ever seen. There was an arsenal of weapons, from stakes to crossbows, all of which both Slayers were sure Clotho was extremely versed at using.

The Incarnate told them, if they would like, during their stay, she as well as Lilith and Mars would resume their hand-to-hand and weapons training. Faith and Buffy both said yes so loudly that the Immortals were sure that the humans back on Earth surely heard them.

There was also weight-lifting equipment, machines and free weights. Both Slayers were again delighted. Buffy had started lifting weights with Faith over the last six weeks since their escape from Glory's domain, right now both Slayers were a little obsessed with being in the best possible physical and combat shape. It was a natural reaction to what had happened to them, and one that both Immortals understood.

They left the barn deciding that they would work out the details for the training over dinner and began a leisurely stroll around the fifteen-mile lake. Clotho had permission from all the others around the lake to enter their domains without having to knock first. They ended the tour at Lilith and Clotho's cottage which as it turned out was right next door to the cottage the Slayers were staying in, just in time for dinner, they just had taken the longest way possible to get there.

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The Immortals cottage was exactly the same as the Slayers in structure, the only difference was the furniture and it was done in dark yellows, and browns.

"Why don't you two make yourselves comfortable while Lilith and I prepare dinner. Would you like something to drink? We have some nice sun-tea."

Faith couldn't help herself, "Are you going to make dinner like you cleaned up this morning?" She was rewarded by a poke in the side from Buffy.

Lilith who was too much like Faith for both their own good, answered her. "It's a distinct possibility; maybe you should put some music on just in case." For which she was rewarded with a poke to her side from her mate. The two raven-haired women shared a smile.

"So then, did you want something to drink?" Clotho asked determined to get away from this particular conversation, still not believing what she had initiated, nay, done in the cottage this morning with the Slayers in the other room. Just thinking about it was making her flush with desire all over again.

"That would be nice," Buffy said following the Immortals into the kitchen to get the drinks.

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When Buffy returned to the main room with the drinks, she found Faith sprawled out on the brown leather double recliner that was exactly like the one in their cottage. She was tapping her foot in time to the sultry blues that was coming out of the stereo a little louder than necessary.

"Just in case..." Faith told Buffy at her questioning look at the stereo.

Buffy handed Faith her glass of sun-tea, which Faith promptly put down on the table next to her, she took Buffy's glass of sun-tea from her and it joined the other on the table. She reached out quickly and pulled Buffy down onto the recliner next to her, with a backwards press of her shoulders; the recliner went all the way back.

They were for all intent and purposes lying down, with just a slight incline of the raised back of the chair. Faith leaned up supporting herself on one elbow and propped her head in her hand. She gazed at Buffy. Her hand glided over Buffy's collarbone to the other side and her thumb started lightly stroking Buffy's pulse point. She felt once again as Buffy gave all control over to her.

Buffy lay on her side, her head resting on her arm, her other arm resting against her side. She returned Faith's stare, she was listening to the internal bond they shared and what she felt sent her heart leaping with joy. All she felt coming from Faith was complete relaxation, love, a hint of desire and absolutely no fear.

Faith's eyes were glowing a little green; they had an impish and slightly wicked glint to them. Then she felt the overwhelming need Faith had to kiss her in an extremely strong echo and she just held her breath waiting for the kiss.

Faith continued to gaze at Buffy, her hand trailing now over Buffy's neck and jaw line, feeling those odd shadow-like touches on her own skin. Deep in the recesses of her mind a need rose in her to eradicate the second-hand shadow-like touches Buffy had felt of Johnny's through her.

The need was overwhelming Faith on a level that she wasn't even conscious of. A part of her maybe hoping if she could erase them from Buffy's skin then she would finally be able to begin to erase the ghost of his touches from hers too. The thoughts never rose up to the surface of her mind though; they were just an unconscious push, creating in her a need to kiss Buffy, to feel that soft mouth on her own. She hadn't felt this relaxed, this comfortable in such a long time and it just made her want to be even closer to Buffy.

Buffy's whole body tingled at the first touch of Faith's warm mouth on her own. Then Faith started kissing her so softly, so tenderly, but with so much passion in that soft kiss and tongue that came out to trace along her lips that Buffy was clutching desperately at her own jeans trying to keep her hand where it was.

Her heart started beating franticly as Faith deepened the kiss, her tongue begging entrance, which Buffy gladly gave her. Then Faith began a slow erotic dance with her tongue and with just the deepening of her kiss, Faith slowly eased Buffy onto her back.

Faith was drowning in the velvety softness of Buffy's mouth. She moved herself partially on top of Buffy, her one hand still tracing along Buffy's neck, her jawbone, up to the side of her face. Her leg moved naturally to slip between Buffy's, the lower half of her body snug up against Buffy's hip. She continued to make slow passionate love to Buffy's mouth with her own, with only one thought in mind, to please Buffy.

Every part of her was feeling the kiss; once again, Buffy found her hands had curled up into balls at her side. Tentatively she placed one hand on Faith's bicep, the need to touch Faith overwhelming her as Faith's kiss slowly drove her insane with desire.

It was strange, exotic, sensual and a little frustrating giving up her control and being a follower rather than an active participant. It was a completely new experience for her. A part of her needed the reassurance from Faith that she still wanted her. And like Faith, the same thoughts were running around in the deep recesses of her mind: that Faith could eradicate the second-hand feel of Johnny's touch upon her skin.

She ran her hand up over Faith's shoulder when she felt only joy come from Faith at her touch, it found its way into Faith's hair getting tangled there.

Buffy's whole body started quivering as Faith slid her mouth away from hers to trail her tongue and her lips down her neck, then back up to her ear. Her breath warm against her skin as her teeth nipped at Buffy's sensitive neck. Faith was snaring her in a web of desire that was more seductive than anything Buffy had ever felt before and the echo she was getting from Faith was fueling its flame higher.

She could feel Faith's own desire in the echo but it was secondary to her need to fuel Buffy's into a burning white-hot flame. Buffy couldn't stop the loud deep moan that came from her as Faith shifted to run her mouth along her throat and Faith's thigh pressed up into her. Her other hand came up to circle Faith's back, her fingers running random patterns over it.

Faith lifted her mouth from Buffy's throat at her loud moan. She felt Buffy's heat burning through her jeans into her thigh. She looked down at the beauty below her, Buffy's neck and face were flushed, her eyes when she slowly opened them were glazed over with passion and need.

She knew Buffy wanted to pull her down into her, but despite what she wanted; Buffy was still letting her lead them and for that, Faith was grateful beyond words. She continued to gaze into Buffy's eyes, she wanted more, she needed more, but she knew she wasn't ready to either give or receive more.

"I... I want to B... But... but... I'm not ready." Faith started to tremble with fear as she spoke each word. She was unable to stop it from holding her in its firm grip.

She gazed down at the face below her and it was no longer just Buffy she was seeing. She waited for the anger, waited for the blows, waited to feel strong hands forcing her down onto her back, forcing her against her will. It was a knee jerk reaction, it was irrational, she knew that, but it had been ingrained into her psyche for nine years and then again over the last seven months. It would have been how Johnny would have reacted to her words, not how Buffy would ever react and even though she knew that, she still couldn't stop the fear.

Buffy hands stilled the second she felt the fear, heard it slipping into Faith's voice. She caught the images from Faith, and stamped down her own rage at that mother-fucking bastard before it even had a chance to rise up. She willed her desire, her arousal away, and just let her love for Faith flow out. She moved her hands carefully and slowly to rest upon Faith's forearms and felt Faith flinch anyway.

"Faith..." she whispered softly, watching Faith's eyes waiting for the slightly far-away look to leave her. "It's okay, Faith. It's just me...just me. We're not going to do anything you don't want to. I'm not mad Faith. I would never try to make you do anything you didn't want to do. I love you, Faith. I would never hurt you, ever."

Faith blinked rapidly, trying to focus her eyes again, she heard Buffy's words and felt them inside of her at the same time. Her vision started to clear and when she gazed down at the face below her it was only Buffy's she saw this time. The fear slowly started to recede, but she couldn't stop the trembling.

She felt Buffy's hands motionless against her arms and remembered flinching from her gentle touch. Right now, more than anything she wanted to feel those strong safe arms around her. Silently she asked if Buffy would hold her through their bond, afraid to trust her own voice.

Buffy's arms came up around her, a soft sigh coming from her as Faith lowered herself down to let her hold her, her own arms coming round to hold Buffy back. Faith drifted into that in-between place as Buffy softly whispered to her, her hands running soothingly over her back.

Slowly, over time, her trembling stopped and Faith found her way back to the relaxed, comfortable place she had been in all day with her mate. Neither Slayer noticed that it had taken the Immortals over two hours to make dinner when they finally called to them from the kitchen that dinner was ready.

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They half carried, half leaned on each other as they made their way into the cottage. Faith was limping slightly, her ankle hurting from where Johnny had nearly sliced completely through her tendons. Buffy was holding her left arm stiffly by her side; she thought it might be sprained.

Faith had a few cuts on her face, and Buffy was going to have a nice shiner for a day or two. They stopped in the middle of the room when they caught their reflection in the mirror on the wall and they both burst out laughing.

"There we are in all our glory, the big bad Slayers!" Faith said pointing at them in the mirror. "The Chosen Two who just got their asses kicked by two of Mars' dwarves. During training no less."

"Well it's all your fault they kicked our butts, calling them 'Munchkins' and then singing that dumb 'We represent the Lollipop Guild' or whatever the hell the words are from that damn song from the 'Wizard of Oz'..."

"How the hell was I supposed to know they'd know that damn movie and be offended by it? Fuck, I always thought the 'Munchkins' were cute, B." Faith grumbled out then batted her eyes at Buffy flirtatiously, "You still love me don't ya, Gizmo?"

Buffy just giggled at her, she looked silly blinking her eyes like that, especially with her mascara down around her cheeks. "I'll love you a lot more if you go run the bath and turn the shower on so we can rinse the dirt off first." Buffy threw Faith an air kiss, which Faith caught and ate.

"Okay, you going to get us something to drink? Maybe that sun-tea, Kiddo and Gran brought over the other day!" At Buffy's nod, Faith turned around and limped towards the bathroom. "Oh and don't forget the book!" She yelled over her shoulder and walked into the bathroom mumbling under her breath something about getting some flying monkeys to take out the dwarves.

Buffy made her way to the kitchen slowly; every muscle ached, but it was a good ache. They had been training three hours a day for the past eight days with Mars, Lilith, Clotho and some of Mars' Men-At-Arms, which included the dwarves. They had learned so much over the last few days they still hadn't processed it all and Mars was an excellent teacher, not to mention funny as all hell. She got the two glasses of sun-tea and then grabbed the book, 'On a Pale Horse' off the table by the leather reading chairs.

The third night they were here, much too both Slayers' delight, they had discovered the series by Piers Anthony about the Incarnates on one of the bookshelves. Every night since then Buffy had been reading it aloud to them in the bath they had also started to take together again each night.

They were only on the first book, which was about the Incarnate of Death, Zane, whom they had not yet had the pleasure of meeting. They were going to meet him at a little gathering at Lily's in three days. Lilith and Clotho both assured the Slayers that Zane would not be attending the gathering in an official capacity.

They both showered the dirt and sweat from themselves. Buffy couldn't help but stare like she always did seeing Faith without out any makeup on, she looked so unbelievably young and innocent. Faith sunk down into the tub first, groaning at the aches and the stiffness in her muscles, she felt the massaging jets begin to work almost immediately.

Buffy climbed in once Faith got comfortable. After a minute or two of grumbling and trying to find a way to snuggle into each other they finally settled down. Buffy, with her back resting against Faith's front, started to read.

Faith ran her fingers through Buffy's hair as she read and relaxed into the water and the warmth of her mate surrounding her. After listening to Buffy read for ten minutes or so, Faith noticed how tense and stiff Buffy's shoulders looked. She started to gently massage Buffy's neck and shoulders, her fingers working out the knots; she smiled softly at the slight tremors she felt running through Buffy. She kept up her massage until she felt all the tension drain out of Buffy.

She eased the pressure of her fingers on Buffy's skin and began a massage of a more sensual kind. She watched as the goose-bumps rose on Buffy's skin trailing after her fingers. She ran her fingertips down each side of Buffy's neck, letting them linger. Her thumbs pressing in a little more making small circles, before moving on to run her fingertips along Buffy's collarbone, over her shoulders, down the upper part of Buffy's arms and then begin to retrace their path. She fell into the sound of Buffy's voice while it grew throatier as her hands and fingers roamed as Buffy continued to read.

It took all of Buffy's strength of will to continue reading as Faith's hands moved over her skin. She had been living in a hazy state of desire, arousal, want, need and love for days now as Faith became more comfortable touching her and being touched.

Faith had been seducing her with gentle touches, with her laughter, soft tender kisses, passionate deep soul searching kisses, with just herself, for the last eight days and Buffy felt herself falling deeper in love with Faith every second she spent with her. Over the past week Faith had completely let her guard down, she had opened up to Buffy in a way that Buffy didn't think anyone ever had in her life, and in a way that she knew Faith never had to anyone ever, and Buffy did the same in return.

Six days ago, they had spent one whole day out by the lake talking and Faith had told her all about her childhood. It came out disjointed, not in order, but it all came out. All about her father who had left right before she had turned six. How her Mother had started to drink more every day after he had left.

The blame her Mother had placed on the frail six-year-old child's shoulders for her Father leaving. Faith didn't really remember him, she only had a few fragmented memories of him, his deep laugh, the way he smiled, his twinkling chocolate brown eyes that were just like her own.

What she remembered the most, was feeling safe with him. She told Buffy how her Mother's words had hurt more than her blows and how she had grown up believing all the lies her Mother told her. How she had lived up to her Mother's expectations of her.

Then she told Buffy about when Johnny had first come into the picture eight months after her Father had left. How for that first year she had called him JJ because that was what he asked her to call him. He had protected her for the first year. From her Mother's vicious words and hands, and Faith had felt safe again for a little while. And her love for the angelic looking man she called JJ knew no bounds that first year. Then both her Mother and Johnny had turned from alcohol to drugs and everything had changed.

Johnny had continued to protect her sometimes from her Mother but he began to abuse her all on his own. At first, he had only hit her and then gradually over time his abuse had started to include that of a sexual nature.

She had tried to tell her Mother but her Mother had once again put the blame on her shoulders, telling her she must have deserved it for Johnny to treat her that way. Told her to just shut up and take it like a good little girl. By the time she was twelve, both her Mother and Johnny had started trading her for the drugs their bodies were now addicted to. At some point Johnny had adopted her, so when her Mother had died from an overdose four months before Faith's sixteenth birthday, she had fallen under the sole care and guardianship of Johnny.

The hardest thing for Faith to talk about was the horror of the summer she had spent locked in the cage at the cabin for three months while the cops were out looking for her because Johnny had told them she had run away. She had thought she was going to die there that summer and might have if Johnny hadn't gotten careless and passed out before locking her in the cage one night.

She had grown up alone, terrified, blaming herself for all that had happened to her and even to her Mother. She believed she was nothing but a whore and evil, and had only one thing to offer to anyone, sex. She trusted no one but herself and couldn't remember ever knowing what it was like to be loved or not have her love rejected.

She had closed herself off to everyone and made herself suppress almost all that had been done to her over the years. She lashed out before anyone could lash out at her and she had started running from the time she was sixteen and hadn't stopped until that night in the alley with Angel.

Buffy had held Faith for long hours that day, crying with her, raging with her, letting her know she was none of those things. Had never been, never would be. Letting her know she was no longer alone, never would be again, letting her know how loved she was.

Since that day, Buffy had gotten to know who Faith really was, who she had always been beneath all the protective layers, the mask of indifference, the Bad Girl image, and Buffy didn't think she could love Faith any more than she already did but with each passing second she spent with her she did.

"Hey... where'd you go?"

Buffy shook herself out of own thoughts, realizing she had stopped reading as she had thought back on that day by the lake. She turned so she was sitting sideways on Faith's lap, she wanted, needed to see her. She put the book down on the ledge of the tub and gently stroked the side of Faith's face, then just let her hand rest there. Loving the feel of Faith's warm skin beneath her hand, the way Faith leaned unconsciously into her touch.

Suddenly she feared that this was all a dream and that they were in that place they had created for each other when they were stuck in Glory's domain.

Faith's arms went around Buffy immediately, pulling her tightly, closely to her the second she felt the fear. Buffy trembled in her arms and Faith could feel the fear overwhelming and taking control of her. "What's wrong? What's got you so scared B?"

"This is real. Right Faith? We're not dreaming this right? It's real. Please, tell me it's real!" Her voice was shaking; the tears started rolling down her face. 'Oh god please let it be real!' she thought to herself.

"Yes it's real. I'm real, you're real. We're not dreaming. I swear it's all real!" She knew where the fear was coming from now, she still had moments like this during her waking hours and in her nightmares.

Buffy had been trying so hard to be strong for her that she had been suppressing her own fears and it was partially Faith's own fault. There was still so much they had yet to talk about, so much they still needed to say and Buffy had been waiting for her to talk, trying so hard not to push that she had been neglecting her own needs.

"B, look at me." She waited for Buffy to look at her, "It's real. We aren't there anymore. It was different when we were in that dream place we created for each other there. This is real. I swear to you. Feel me, feel my arms around you, feel my warmth."

Buffy ran her hands over Faith, feeling her warmth, the creamy texture of her skin. Felt her chest rise up and down underneath her hand with each breath. Could feel the gentle caress of each exhale on her own face. The panic and fear started to subside and she felt herself begin to relax again, feeling a little ashamed of herself for reacting like this.

"No, don't feel ashamed... You were hurt just as much as I was when we were there. This affected you as much as it did me. You need to talk about it as much as I do. I know you've been holding it all in because of me, because you've been trying to be strong for me. You don't have to be strong all the time, I want to be here for you too. Whatever you need from me, I am here ready to give it to you. Ready to listen, to help you in any way I can. I love you B, let me help you, let me be there for you too. Talk to me B; tell me what you're feeling."

Buffy lay her head down on Faith's shoulder, leaning into her strength and let it all out. Her fear of Johnny, of Glory. The fear she had lived in each day that they were there, that they would never get back home. Her hatred of them both, what they had done to her, to Faith. The rage she felt, the almost overwhelming need sometimes to take it out on something, anything. The helplessness she felt at being unable to protect, prevent any of what had been done to either of them. The way it had felt like her heart, her soul had been ripped out each time she had to watch what Johnny had done to Faith. Her feelings of having failed Faith once again.

The absolute terror she had felt when she thought Faith was going to die after they had finally gotten free of Glory and Johnny's abuse. How she could still remember living in pain every day for seven months. How it tore her up inside to feel what Johnny's abuse was doing to Faith.

How she could still remember his touch upon her own skin from those shadow-like echoes from Faith. How she wanted, needed to erase those ghost touches of Johnny's that she knew Faith was still feeling. How she would never have survived there, survive even now without Faith. She spoke of her need for Faith, of her love.

Buffy continued to talk as Faith held onto her tightly, stroking her hair, her hands running soothingly over her hair, arms and back. As Faith whispered to her calming, comforting words, of her need for her too, of her love. Buffy spoke until it all came out and she was exhausted. When she was done a sort of cleansing feeling came over both of them.

Faith held Buffy until she fell asleep, then continued to hold her. She was beginning to feel whole again and she knew there were still things they needed to talk about. She was still finding it hard to find the words to tell Buffy about how Johnny's abuse made her feel inside. And the closer they had become, the more intimate sexually over the past week the more she needed to talk about it.

She carefully picked Buffy up trying not to wake her as she got out of the tub. She placed Buffy on the ledge like she did all those weeks ago the first night they had spent at the Fates' home. She grabbed a towel and started to gently dry off the golden-haired Slayer who was leaning against her still sleeping. She wrapped Buffy in a dry towel and still sopping wet herself, since she had been unable to figure out how to dry herself off without losing her hold on Buffy she carried her out to the bed.

She held her cradled in her arms like a newborn, and silently thanked whomever for the gift of the loving woman in her arms. She managed to pull the covers down without dropping Buffy. She gently lay her down on the bed, pulling the covers back up over her. She used the towel she had wrapped Buffy in to dry herself off and lit a fire. She crawled into bed, smiling softly when her mate curled up into her purring. Before she drifted off to sleep, her mate woke briefly to tell her that she loved her.

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Faith was training one-on-one with Mars at his training facility instead of the one at their cottage. She was having a little trouble with the new moves he had taught both Slayers today. He had offered to help her after their regular training session was over if she wanted to stay.

His facility was at least five times the size as the barn at their cottage. She had been distracted all day, trying to find the words to talk to Buffy about Johnny. It had been in the back of her mind and it was only her strength of will that had kept the cold ghost-like touches of him at bay all day.

Ever since the night in the tub when Buffy had finally talked to her about her own fears, her own feelings about the second hand touches, Faith had been finding it increasingly harder to keep everything buried. She was afraid again and he had been haunting all of her waking and sleeping hours since. She needed to find the courage to talk about it, needed to get it all out.

After assuring Buffy that she would be fine here with Mars, Buffy had left with Clotho and Lilith. She was going back to the cottage to shower and then Faith was going to meet her at the Immortals for dinner. They had been trying to teach Buffy how to cook, well Lilith had. Clotho was just about useless in the kitchen.

Faith was sorry she was going to miss the cooking lesson; Buffy always looked so cute when she was in the kitchen. Her brows squished together, her bottom lip caught between her teeth as she tried to concentrate and understand what Lilith was trying to teach her. So far, in the past week, everything Buffy had tried to cook turned to ash. Both Slayers had to wonder if the ash thing wasn't some kind of Vampire Slayer thing, hell, even the Immortals were wondering that.

"Oh, little Grasshopper, pay attention and stop thinking about Gizmo!" Mars yelled a second before he threw a punch at Faith's head, which she blocked with graceful ease and speed that surprised Mars.

They had become incredibly stronger and faster since they had merged with the mystical energy that made them Slayers. Neither of them was used to it yet and it had made them clumsy in how they moved and reacted, often overshooting their targets and tripping over their own two feet. It was a lot like being a two-year-old who was just learning how to walk. They both were improving quickly with the help of Mars, Clotho and Lilith though. Faith kept referring to it as 'like learning to ride a bike it was something you never forget how to do'.

"Very good, Grasshopper!"

"Fuck you Candy-Man!" Faith threw counter punches, followed by a leg sweep. All of which Mars easily avoided.

Mars and Faith began to trade blows and kicks. Falling into an easy but fast-paced rhythm, both were graceful in their own way, both in touch with the predator inside of them. In its own way, it looked like they were performing some kind of beautiful, elegant ballet as they circled each other, trading blows, blocking, kicking and performing tumbles and jumps.

As they continued to train, Faith saw someone enter Mars' training room out of the corner of her eye. She moved to circle around Mars to see who had entered and because she didn't want to have her back to an unknown. Mars had pulled sneak attacks more than once on them.

She couldn't really see the person, the sun was shining too brightly around him and all she could see was a yellow glow around him and that he was big, at least six-feet. He moved a little further inside and Faith got her first glimpse of his shadowy face and felt her blood start to turn cold. She automatically blocked her and Buffy's connection. She continued to block Mars' blows and kicks on autopilot as she felt the familiar cold start to creep along her skin.

'Dead he's dead!' she kept repeating to herself.

Her breathing became a little erratic and fear started to creep over her, she could taste it strong, bitter, and remembered in the back of her throat. The man stepped a little further into the room, out of the shadows just a bit and she saw the pitch-black hair first. Her stomach started churning. Then he smiled and she saw white teeth surrounded by a thin mouth and she felt the panic start to overtake her.

Mars' flying roundhouse caught her at full strength, dead on, right between her abdomen and chest, lifting her off her feet and sending her flying a good ten feet or more. She hit the ground hard, her breath lodged in her chest, the fear in the back of her throat choking her. Pain radiating up from her stomach and chest.

"What the FUCK?!" Mars snarled pissed, there was no way she should have missed blocking that kick. "Faith for Christ's sake I could have really hurt you. You fucking have to pay attention! Stop daydreaming about Buffy! FAITH!" He yelled even louder, pissed at himself for not realizing her head wasn't in the game, and pissed at her for daydreaming.

Faith wasn't hearing him, all she heard was the anger, the rage in his voice. Her eyes were glued to the man by the door as he stepped a little further out of the shadows and then the panic and fear grabbed her in a strangle hold. Piercing gray eyes glowed at her, the man with the face of an angel who had haunted her real life and her nightmares for years stepped out of the shadows looking like he did the year she had turned seven.

The waking nightmare ensnared her completely within its grasp and she no longer saw Mars, instead she saw one of Johnny's perverted friends and in the shadows the man who had been the star of all her nightmares.

She felt the cold ghost touches of him on her skin and knew if she didn't get out of here that she would be feeling them for real again. She started scrambling backwards trying to get up, get away from him and, oh god, he had another friend with him in the shadows. Her back hit the wall of the training room her eyes wild, she had to get away!

"Faith," Mars said softly as he cautiously approached the frightened Slayer. What the hell was going on? She was terrified. His Man-At-Arms, Lee, came and stood next to him. Mars cautioned him to stay where he was. He took a hesitant step forward and tried again, "Faith?"

Her eyes flickered madly back and forth between Johnny and his friend. She was trembling so hard she was afraid her legs would collapse out from under her. She felt dizzy and couldn't catch her breath.

If she did what they wanted, it wouldn't hurt so much and maybe, just maybe, Johnny wouldn't hurt her afterwards or hurt B. Where was B? What had they done to B? She had to find B! Had to make sure she was safe! She opened the connection between her and Buffy just enough to reach out to her. Relief rushed through her when she felt that Buffy was safe and then she locked down the connection again.

She slid her back along the wall watching them watch her, her hand felt something. She glanced down, a Claymore! She grabbed the sword and rushed the man closest to her, ready to kill him if necessary.

She was a blur as she came towards him and before Mars even had a chance to react, she swung and sliced through his abdomen from left to right, the sword sinking in at least a good inch. Her arm started to come back around to slice him again, this time aiming for his throat, as he fell to his knees in pain and shock. She never finished her swing as Lee tackled her from the side.

They went down in a tangle of arms and legs, the sword flying from her hand. She started flailing violently as she felt Johnny's weight come down on top of her. She connected with one hard punch to his jaw and then both of her hands were captured and held up over her head. Her skin started to crawl when she felt his warmth pressing down on her and his cold ghost-like touches running riot over her body.

"Please don't... please Johnny... PLEASE!" She pleaded with him as she continued to struggle to get loose.

Mars felt like he had been struck in the head with a two-by-four when he finally realized what the hell was going on. He painfully got back up to his feet. He had seen that look in too many women's eyes over the eons in the villages and the towns that had been invaded. And whoever this fucking scumbag Johnny was, he better hide because when Mars got his hands on him he was going to peel his skin from him inch by inch and that would just be to start. NO ONE EVER TOUCHED ONE OF HIS FAMILY! EVER!

"Get off her Lee! NOW!" When Lee was too slow to act, he grabbed the back of Lee's shirt and hauled him off Faith.

Faith got out from under Johnny before his friend had even finished pulling him off her. She didn't know why he was helping her, she didn't care, she just had to escape. She took off running, hearing the friend calling to her to stop. She couldn't, she didn't know what game Johnny and his friend were playing but she knew whatever it was she was the one who would lose. She would be the one who got held down and hurt and she didn't want to play.

In the blink of an eye, Mars went into full warrior mode. The pain was forgotten, it wasn't even a dull ache and he took off running after Faith. He chased her across his property, through the surrounding woods out into the spell-free space that was between the cottages. She was still a good ten feet in front of him, when she headed into the woods again and he kept chasing her until he ran full force right into the magical barrier that protected the cottage the Slayers were staying in.

"FAITH!" He yelled! Buffy! He needed to find Buffy! "BUFFY!" He heard the answer and Mars faded himself to Clotho and Lilith's cottage.

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"What's up Mars, what did Fai..." Buffy trailed off as she turned around when she felt Mars fade into the kitchen behind them. They had all been staring at another of her 'ash' cakes. He was covered in blood and she could see the gash that ran from side to side across his stomach. "What hap... Are you... WHERE'S FAITH?"

"Took off. She panicked, I don't know what happened. Who the fuck is Johnny?" Mars wasn't sure he was making sense.

"Johnny. Oh my God! Johnny was here! Johnny's dead he can't he..." Buffy felt her own panic overtake her. She reached out to Faith through their connection and all she felt was silence. Faith was blocking her!

"Mars where did Faith go? Is she hurt?" Clotho put a calming hand on Buffy's shoulder, as did Lilith.

"Not hurt. She ran onto the property for their cottage, I couldn't follow because of that fucking spell."

"How the hell... I'm... it's too big... I've got to find her now... She's blocking me... Clotho help me please." Buffy turned pleading eyes to the Incarnate.

"We can't use our magic like that. But you can find her using your bond."

"I just told you she was fucking blocking me." Buffy snarled at Clotho, then immediately felt bad. "I'm sor..."

"No don't apologize, I understand. You can find her using the part of your bond that neither of you can ever block. Atropos told you about that. First you need to calm down and listen to me."

Buffy nodded her head; she closed her eyes for the briefest of seconds and found her center, calming her mind, knowing she would be unable to help Faith if she was in a panic. When she was calm, she looked to Clotho.

"First..." Clotho began to instruct her, teaching her the method that Atropos had used to find Luc in Glory's domain.

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Faith ran blindly. These woods weren't familiar and she could hear Johnny's friend hot on her heels, could practically feel his breath on the back of her neck.

Where was she?

She hadn't been at the cabin. Was this a new game of Johnny and Glory's, her Mother's? Or had it only just been Johnny's game all along, had any of it ever been real or had she always been a prisoner?

Where was she?

Her feet seemed to know where they wanted to go. She kept running until she saw a cottage, she headed towards it maybe someone there could help her. She burst through the front door.

She skidded to a halt on the hardwood floor as the room came into focus and reality crashed into her, knocking her to her knees.

OH GOD! OHGOD! WHAT HAVE I DONE? OHGOD! MARS! OHGODOHGODOHGOD!

It all slammed into her with tremendous force, all of it, all at once. All the suppressed emotions, all the things she thought she had been feeling and more, things she didn't even want to admit to herself. Then she felt it start to crawl under her skin, felt the coldness and then it was like he was really there surrounding her in his cold embrace.

She had to shower! Had to get it off! Make it go away! She frantically started tearing at her clothes, shredding, ripping her shirt, her bra in an effort to get out of them. She got up and pulled at her jeans, popping the buttons, ripping each leg down the seams. She tore the laces right off her boots, the need to shower overwhelming her.

She ran for the bathroom, she yanked open the shower door and turned all eight jets to scalding. She climbed into the shower not even noticing the boiling water, grabbed the rough coral sponge from the soap dish, the soap and began to scrub herself without mercy.

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Buffy blinked once or twice bringing the main room of the cottage into focus. The second she had found Faith through their 'Soul Thread' which Clotho had told her it was called, Clotho faded her here. Fear and panic collided with each other as she saw Faith's torn and shredded clothes on the floor.

"FAITH!... FAITH!" The sound of the shower running finally came to her through the roaring panic in her ears. She ran into the bathroom and her heart broke at the sight that greeted her.

Faith was huddled in the middle of the shower on the floor, her knees drawn up to her chest, her arms wrapped tightly around them, her head resting on them as she rocked and cried.

The hard pulse of the eight showerheads beat a cruel tempo down on her back, burning her with the scalding hot water. Her skin was bright red, blistered; she had cuts from the coral sponge from scrubbing herself with such punishing force over every part of her body. And she didn't want to think it, Buffy thought Faith might have also tried to claw away her own skin.

Buffy practically tore the shower door off its hinges to get to Faith. She stepped into the shower and didn't even notice the boiling hot water as it burned her. She squatted down to pick Faith up, but Faith pushed herself backwards and away from her reaching hands.

"Don't... don't touch me... I'm... I'm... not clean... I can't..." Faith couldn't finish what she wanted to say as the sobs wracked her body, she felt herself shattering, falling apart at the seams.

"Ssh baby... You're not dirty." Buffy reached out and quickly picked up Faith, wincing with her when Faith flinched as her shirt rubbed across her blistered skin.

Faith wrapped her arms around Buffy's neck and buried her head there as she continued to cry. She sat Faith down on the ledge of the tub. She grabbed a towel and as gently as possibly began to dry her off. She looked at the shelf with all the toiletries and gave a little sigh when she saw burn cream.

"Faith... baby I'm going to put this on you... I... ah... it might hurt..."

"It's okay B... I'm okay now... You don't have to..." She tried to make her voice calm, but she wasn't calm, inside she was a mess and she didn't want to dump it all on Buffy. But she desperately needed to talk and Buffy was the only one she wanted to talk to. Deep down she was afraid, her old insecurities had her in their thrall.

"Yes, I do. Even with your Slayer healing, this will help more... That didn't make sense... And you're not okay... If you were, you wouldn't be blocking me like you are." She started applying the cream as she talked.

"You told me the other night I didn't have to be strong all the time. You don't have to be either. I want to be here for you too. Let me help you Faith. You need to talk about this and now. If you want to talk to someone else about it that's fine, but you need to get it out now. You were raped Faith, not once, not twice, but for nine years when you were a child and then again for seven months when those fucking deranged lunatics held us. You need to talk about it."

Buffy reached up and grabbed the black silk robe off the wall and helped Faith put it on. She picked her up once again. "And I know it's not going to be easy but I am not going to stand idly by anymore and watch you tear yourself up inside or hurt yourself like you did tonight. Faith, please baby either talk to me or tell me who you want to talk to. Please."

She put Faith in the recliner and covered her with a blanket. She lit a fire, then changed quickly into dry sweatpants and a t-shirt. She stood hovering by the recliner unsure what to do next.

Faith was in turmoil. She wanted to talk, needed to. She looked up into Buffy's concerned, caring, love-filled eyes and felt the dam inside of her break. She held out her hand to Buffy, silently asking her to join her on the recliner. Buffy climbed onto the recliner and covered them both with the blanket. Faith curled up into and onto Buffy, tucking her head under Buffy's chin.

She lay there for a long minutes listening to the sound of Buffy's strong heartbeat under her ear. Letting herself be surrounded and blanketed in Buffy's love for her. She tried to make sense of her own jumbled thoughts and then gave up the fight.

She started to whisper to Buffy about what Johnny, her Mother, and the others had done to her, how it, they made her feel. What it did inside to her soul, how it made her feel dirty. Made her want to claw away, scrub away the dirt from under her skin, until only muscle and bone was left, until every piece of her that they, that he had touched was sucked down the drain with the dirty bath water.

It was the parts on the inside that he, that they, corrupted with their, with his touches that made her skin itch nonstop, that didn't wash away in the drain that kept her awake at night afraid to sleep because she knew she would just relive it all in her nightmares.

Things that couldn't be washed away with soup and water, things that scarred her soul, scars that she would carry with her forever. The feelings which would have destroyed her completely over the last days, weeks, months, and especially when they were still being held captive there if it hadn't have been for Buffy.

If it hadn't been for Buffy who cried with her, bathed her when she was too weak to stand. Who by the simple act of holding her in her arms, gently stroking her hair made her feel clean. Whose strong arms and loving touch washed away, obliterated his touch for the time that she was in them.

She told Buffy how she had been blocking her from knowing that the only time she ever felt clean now was when she was in her arms. Even that though wasn't enough because deep inside again she felt like she was the 'dirty-disgusting-little-whore', that her mother and he had called her for years, and he had forced her to become again.

She had done things over the time they had been there to stop him from hurting Buffy more, when Buffy had been unconscious. She was afraid if she told her what she had done without being forced that Buffy would stop loving her. She had been afraid to talk about it because she had convinced herself that now that there was no more threat of the pain of him hurting either of them that Buffy would see those things she had done for what they were. Things that filled her once again with self-loathing, self-disgust, all consuming shame, and self-hate. Because she had done them of her own free will.

She told Buffy how, even now despite everything that had happened, she still wanted Buffy. Wanted to touch her, be with her, kiss her, make love with her. Wanted Buffy to touch her, make love with her and didn't that just make her a whore after all? But she was afraid because she could still feel him on her skin, feel his cold touch and there were times when it made her freeze up, frightened her.

She was afraid to have Buffy touch her, she didn't want Buffy to think she was rejecting her, when it was not her, but him, them, she was feeling. How, sometimes, just the thought alone of anyone touching her made her skin crawl and stomach churn. She told Buffy of her overwhelming need to remove his second-hand touch from Buffy, how she felt if she could remove it from Buffy's skin that she might be able to begin to remove it from her own.

She told Buffy of her unequivocal love for her, her need for her, her want, how she was her everything and then she fell silent and at the same time with a vengeance she squashed down the knee-jerk reaction of expecting to be rejected after all she said.

Buffy was silent for a second, her tears choking her. She was unsure of what to say, what could she say, she wished... and instead she too just let her guard down and just spoke from her heart.

"Faith..." Buffy gently tipped Faith's face up towards her so she could look at her. "I wish I had magical words that could take all this away from you. Wish I knew the right thing to say. I don't know if I could have survived what you did for all those years, and then again. You are the strongest person I've ever known.

"You have nothing to feel dirty about and I know that sounds lame and I know saying it isn't going to make it just magically go away. You did nothing wrong, you never did. You sacrificed yourself first for a Mother who didn't deserve it and then for me. And don't ever think for a second that you did any of it of your own free will, you were forced with either fists or threats. And you have nothing to feel ashamed of.

"I feel honored to know you, I admire your strength, you survived, you beat them all. And I am awed that it's me that you love, want to be with. I love you more than I can ever tell or show you." Buffy paused for a second catching her breath.

"Nothing you've done, nothing you could ever do or tell me will ever change that. And you have no reason to feel that way about yourself because you still want to make love. There is nothing wrong with feeling that way. I want to make love with you again when you are ready and I don't care how long it takes, a day, a week, years it doesn't matter... And even if we never make love again I don't care, with you, by your side is where I want to spend my life. The first time I woke you up by making love to you while you were asleep I got embarrassed. Do you remember?"

A slight smile found its way out as Faith looked at Buffy, "Yeah B, I remember."

"You told me," and Buffy closed her eyes and let herself remember the words Faith had said to her. Then she did a pretty good imitation of Faith's husky voice. "This isn't about 'Getting some, and getting gone', or who gets off the most or first. It's about us being together, about what we feel when we are together, how we make each other feel. Just a look from you is all I need, you make me feel things I never even dreamed were possible. Even if we never made love again, just being able to hold you every night would be enough for me for the rest of my life.

"And Faith, just like you told me, and I believed you, I am telling you the same thing, using your own words. Those same things hold true for me too. Just being with you, however you want us to be is all I'll ever need. I love you and that's not going to change."

"I love you Buffy 'B' 'Gizmo' Summers."

"I love you Faith 'Grasshopper' Liam."

They curled into each other and lay listening to the other purring. All the ghosts weren't laid to rest that night but they were all out in the open and they knew that together they could defeat them.

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...Now you fly away ~ And you don't look down ~ And you laugh till you can't laugh any longer ~ As you watch your chains fall to the ground ~ I know you laugh ~ And show tears ~ Smile down at your fears ~ From where you are ~ From way up here ~ You know nothing's ever looked so good ~ Nothing ever looked so good ~ But now you dance the rest of the way ~ You don't look back ~ Can you hear that angel singing ~ As you rise ~ Now you fly away ~ And you don't look down ~ And you laugh till you can't laugh any longer ~ As you watch your chains fall to the ground - Lifehouse

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to be continued...