Chapter 2B: Non semper ea sunt quae videntur
It was the fourth time that week that Doctor McCoy had glanced at the table inhabited by Nyota and Spock. The first time the doctor was alone and Spock had thought he wanted to join them for lunch, but since he was always antagonized by the Vulcan, he refrained himself. The second time he was accompanied by Commander Kirk. Kirk kept kicking the doctor under their shared table, and McCoy just scowled at him. Nevertheless the doctor continued to scrutinize Spock's table. The third time Nyota was the one who noticed the glances, and told Spock she was going to ask McCoy 'what his problem is'.
This time the doctor kept looking at Spock's table, even now that Nyota was no longer sitting with him as she was needed by Ensign Chekov. McCoy had several expressions on his face that ranged from curiosity to anger. Spock tried to remember if he had done something to the doctor to gain this unwanted attention from him, but he had not had dinner with McCoy and Kirk together in three point two weeks. It was perplexing to felt this exposed. Spock was not used to attracting attention, at least not that he was aware of. Nyota often told him he was observed because he was aesthetically pleasing but Spock hardly noticed people watching him. Maybe they were more discreet than McCoy, given that Spock was having a difficult time ignoring the doctor's stare.
In the evening, during one of the games that Spock had with Kirk, Spock decided it was best to just ask to the person who knew the doctor the best about his strange behavior. If McCoy had a problem with Spock, it was certain that Kirk would be informed.
"Doctor McCoy has been observing my shared meals with Nyota quite often this past week." Spock felt confident of his statement. He had told with clarity what he meant, giving Kirk the opportunity to explain with detail about McCoy's actions. Spock found that when he asked a question that could be labelled as imprudent, Kirk offered longer explanations that had nothing to do with what Spock had asked, and when Spock was indirect, the Commander tended to go even further from the subject, losing the main topic. Spock was learning which way to approach the Commander was the best to obtain what he did want to know without vague references or jokes or sexual innuendo.
Kirk blushed, which confused Spock even more. Apparently Kirk was more than informed about McCoy's reasoning. He was likely directly involved.
"He is the most indiscreet person I know." Kirk sounded bothered. "Sorry about that."
Spock watched the Commander with patience. He still had not explained why McCoy was observing him and what his involvement was. Kirk gave up on concentrating on the game, and put the chess piece he was holding on the table. He looked affronted, which put Spock in a wary state.
"I have a confession to make." Kirk sounded defeated and barely spoke loud enough for Spock to hear. Perhaps if he was human he would not be able to listen what Kirk said. "I kind of told Bones about you and Uhura."
Spock frowned lightly. It should not bother him that Kirk had shared this information with McCoy, they were close friends and the Commander trusted the doctor. Still, Spock felt a small pang of disappointment about this event. Spock did not like to be the center of any scrutiny and Doctor McCoy watching him in the past week like he was a mystery to unravel had been uncomfortable and troublesome.
"I'll tell him to stop it, don't worry," Kirk tried to reassure him, nevertheless Spock felt nothing but his relaxation evaporating. He no longer felt comfortable around the Commander, and suddenly needed to just go to his own quarters and meditate about this subject.
"It would be best if I retire for the night," said Spock finally. "It is getting late."
"It's 21:10, Spock. We stayed until 03:00 once. You're upset, right?" Kirk's voice hinted anxiety. "Look, I didn't mean to, and Bones is not going to say anything, I swear, I just – "
"I am not 'upset'," interrupted Spock. "I am in need of meditation. I will see you tomorrow on our shift."
Fortunately the Commander did not say anything else and just watched Spock leave, this time using the hallway instead of their shared bathroom. Spock had not done that since the mission on Tersu. Somehow he wanted to put a distance between him and Kirk. Perhaps the meditation would help with those emotions.
Spock was pissed. Jim had noticed as much when the Vulcan fled from his room last night. He was giving him the silent treatment now that Jim was trying to make conversation with him. Spock's answers were short and tight, making everyone on the Bridge a little uncomfortable. Not even the first day they embarked on the mission had they felt this kind of tension.
Jim needed to blow off some steam and he asked Sulu to train with him.
"Well, what did you do to the Captain now?" Sulu dodged a punch from Jim.
"Why is it always my fault?" Jim tried to attack Sulu, but he just kept dodging.
"Is it?" Sulu kicked Jim who barely blocked it.
"Yeah." Jim threw a blow that was batted away. "Fuck, you're fast."
"And you're distracted." Sulu managed to tackle Jim down. "Yield, and maybe you won't be too embarrassed about losing to someone who's not on the security team."
"It's not much of a win when I'm not entirely in the fight," said Jim breathlessly. "Okay, on a scale of one to ten, one being almost hell and ten being not that bad, how was the tension around gamma shift on the Bridge?"
"I would say a solid 5, but I found your babbling amusing. I think Chekov would grade it lower. He hates it when the parents fight."
"Okay, I'm done adopting children," complained Jim. "Get off me, I need to shower; I have a hot date."
"I thought the Captain wasn't speaking to you. Are you going to cheat on him?" Sulu smiled gleefully, standing up and extending his hand to help Jim.
"Very funny, you know you're not supposed to make jokes about him, right?" Jim took the offered hand, feeling the strong pull.
"It doesn't cause any harm if he doesn't hear."
"Just make sure he really doesn't. I don't need him to get more pissed at me because of your gossiping."
"Oh, you don't need my help for that," said Sulu.
If only Spock were as easy as the rest of the crew. Jim even knew how to make Cupcake stop being annoyed at him. With Spock he was at loss. If he did something and it was the wrong thing, he could make the tension go further. If he didn't do anything, and let things settle, chances were this would blow over eventually, but Jim didn't know if it would happen before he requested his promotion. Knowing Spock, he could be done with trying to understand humans and just be all professional again. Jim felt almost angry at himself for throwing away months of efforts for his big mouth. And he felt even madder at Bones because he was a damn nosy friend.
After a quick shower, Jim headed to the mess hall, looking around for someone. He finally located his date; she just didn't know it yet.
With his most charming smile, Jim sat across Uhura in her table, noticing how she frowned at seeing him.
"Hi, beautiful."
"What do you want?" Uhura sounded resigned.
"Look, I know I'm not your favorite person right now… or ever; but I need your help." Jim tried his best puppy eyes, the ones that always made Bones cave into anything.
"That's okay, the parenthood made you more tolerable." Uhura actually smiled sincerely and not with sarcasm. It was the first time Jim had felt grateful for the jokes.
"Great!" Jim was more enthusiastic about the upcoming chat. "Where's Spock?"
"In lab 3, he's giving the lecture on safe procedures to the Science department."
"Is he? I didn't know he had it tonight." Jim tried to sound innocent.
"Oh, come on, you fake ignorance better than that. Besides, you programmed those lectures, how do you expect for me to believe you don't remember it? You obviously wanted to talk to me alone. Stop the act and get to the point." Uhura didn't look angry, she was more condescending.
"Fine, Spock is pissed at me, I want to fix things. I just don't know how and I was expecting you could help me." Jim decided honesty would do the trick with Uhura more than his fake bravado and flirting.
"I noticed the pleading looks you threw to the Captain's chair from time to time. You even made Chekov join your crusade. And let me tell you, puppy eyes from Chekov should be a registered weapon," Uhura laughed.
"He just wanted to help his commanding officer, leave him be." Although Jim agreed with the statement, and if Spock wasn't Vulcan he would have already caved from those looks.
"Look Kirk, before I decide if I help you or not, I want you to answer me something truthfully."
"I'm single," said Jim quickly.
"Not interested," replied Uhura. "What I want to know is why you are so worked up about this."
"What do you mean?"
"You kept talking on the Bridge even when Spock was clearly ignoring you. Lately you got closer to him, playing chess and having dinners. Spock even told me you two talked about nightmares and childhood experiences. I know you have your best friend in Leonard, and your drinking buddy in Scotty… what are you trying to do with Spock? You could easily just do the job right and pass up the social contact; particularly because Spock is Vulcan and he would not be offended by that. I want to know why you are trying so hard."
Jim didn't know what to answer at first, because he sometimes wondered the same thing. He'd decided to be efficient and resourceful; he hadn't expected to form some sort of friendship with Spock. He'd gone with the flow, and now he wanted to restore the almost friendship he'd formed with the Vulcan. He could justify his motives with ship business. He could say he wanted to create a harmonious environment for the crew. He could say that it was almost mandatory for the commanding officers to get along for the missions' sake. He could say a lot of things and it would be valid.
And yet, Uhura had asked for the truth. Jim owed her that much since she was only concerned for her boyfriend.
"I can't give you a straight answer because I don't even know. I'm not a loner, Uhura. I'm not used to it. I knew Spock was going to be difficult to deal with, but I had Bones and Scotty with me, I didn't care. I gave it a try and I started to see that Spock and I weren't that different. Amanda helped us to understand each other, and I know a Captain's job is solitary. Pike told me. My mom told me. The First Officer is the key to connect to the crew. I just didn't expect to go this far. I mean, I practically consider him my friend, even when I know he's just patronizing me most of the time. It feels wrong to lose what we built because I can't keep my mouth shut." Jim hoped he didn't sound as cheesy as he felt right now.
Uhura seemed almost surprised by Jim's explanation and looked contemplative.
"All right, it's enough for now. What did you do?"
"What? Really? You're not making me write an essay about how I should play nice? Or putting me on a lie detector?" Jim was shocked. He didn't expect for Uhura to just accept his arguments.
"Don't give me ideas, Kirk. So, what did you do?"
"Well… I blabbed about your relationship to Bones" Jim waited for the yelling. Uhura just looked at him expectantly.
"And?" said she finally.
"That's it. That's why Bones kept looking at you two in the most obvious way he could find."
"Yeah, that was weird. So… are you telling me Spock is angry with you because you told McCoy he and I were a couple?"
"I think so. Although if you say to him that he's angry, he'll just deny it. I know you're more laid back than him, and you probably don't care who knows about your relationship with Spock, but he's the Captain and all… I get why he's upset. You know Bones won't tell, right?"
Uhura lifted her eyebrows, looking genuinely lost about Jim's affirmation.
"I know Leonard is not going to gossip about it, yes. What I don't get is what the problem is."
"You're his girlfriend! Hasn't he told you by now why he's giving me the silent treatment?"
Apparently Uhura just understood what Jim was saying, as her features changed and she started to smile tenderly. Jim repeated mentally exactly what he'd said to see if he realized it too. He got nothing.
"Okay, now I get it." Uhura was almost beaming. "Here is what you will do. You are… going to leave Spock alone."
From all the potential solutions Jim had in mind, none of them involved leaving Spock alone. Somehow it went against his nature.
"Come again?" Jim expected for Uhura to be joking.
"Leave Spock alone," she repeated patiently. "You act professional, stop begging for attention like a lost puppy."
"I didn't beg! That's an exaggeration."
"Call it what you like, you still have to stop if you want to Spock to be your… friend again."
Jim noted the sarcastic tone on the word friend, but he remained silent. He even had problems accepting that he considered Spock a friend now. Not a close one, of course, but that would just be a matter of time. If Spock talked to him again.
"So you are saying I should just give him some space."
"Yes, you answer when he asks something, like he did today on the Bridge."
"For how long?" Jim still wasn't convinced about this course of action.
"As long as it takes."
"And exactly how would I know when to break the ice again?"
"You can be insufferable to him again when he starts a conversation. Not with a question to be answered, but with a random comment."
Jim frowned, still not convinced about Uhura's suggestion. But then, he'd gone to her because she was the one who knew Spock the best. And maybe letting the Vulcan cool off wasn't that crazy. If Jim wasn't so pushy, he could have done that without Uhura's advice.
"You're the expert," conceded Jim "but if in ten months he still doesn't speak to me, I'm going to blame you."
Jim knew he'd said too much (again), but if Uhura connected the dots between the amount of time Jim gave and the events that could unfold, she didn't show it. She just kept smiling.
"Fine, but you're not that bad, Kirk. I think it will take less than ten months if you can keep your mouth closed."
"Thanks, you're not too bad yourself. You can call me Jim, after all if I'm asking you for advice on how to deal with your boyfriend, it's the less you can do."
"I'll call you Jim if you stop being obnoxious to me every time you speak."
"And can I call you Nyota then?"
"No."
"How about 'gorgeous'? Spock doesn't look like the jealous type."
"Again: No. I just told you to stop doing that."
"Sorry, sorry. At least we can finish our dinner, don't you think? And please give me points for not calling it 'date'." Jim smiled widely.
"You need to do it on regular basis," she grumbled, but still kept eating.
"So, small talk… you honestly think Chekov should become our secret weapon?"
Talking to Uhura was easier since they'd taken care of Amanda. But after that Jim hardly had anything in common with her. Perhaps this incident with Spock was going to bring something good after all.
Jim followed Uhura's instructions, still skeptical. He only answered when Spock asked something directly, and he talked mostly with Sulu and Chekov during the shifts. Jim tried not to look constantly at Spock to see if his plan was working, but he found himself glancing at Uhura's station. A few times she returned the look with some annoyance, although she smiled.
With all his free time, Jim decided to make Bones pay for getting him in this mess. He stalked his friend at every chance he had.
"What are you doing here?" McCoy glared at Jim. "We already had lunch. I'm busy."
"We're having all our meals together. You're the one who chased away my other dinner companion," said Jim.
"Look, I know you're moping again because you lost your elf, but it wasn't my fault. I didn't even say anything!" McCoy sounded defensive.
"You didn't need to! You kept staring at them! You think Spock is blind?"
"I was just trying to see if they acted like a couple. If you hadn't told me, I would have never guessed. Those two probably broke up or something."
"Don't be like that, Bones. If you're that interested in Uhura, she calls you 'Leonard' already. I think that's as far as you'll get with her."
"Don't be an idiot. I'm not interested in Uhura. I was curious, that's all. But I'm truly sorry; I didn't mean to mess up your strange sort of friendship with Spock. In my defense, I tried to be discreet."
"You can't be discreet; you're the worst secret keeper I've ever met. I'll forgive you if you keep me company until I patch things up with Spock."
"I guess that's fair, actions have consequences. It could have been worst. But I'm not braiding your hair, and no toe-nail painting."
"You'd look good in pink," said Jim.
Jim was glad he didn't have to eat alone. He hated that. He knew he needed to overcome that fear eventually, and Bones frequently told him he was rather clingy with every person he met. Maybe that was what had happened with Spock too. He got attached to the guy, and now he missed him. It wasn't like he wouldn't survive if Spock decided not to speak to Jim any more, but the prospect of Spock no longer saying that he was illogical and he must control his overbearing emotions… it was difficult to even imagine it.
Bones kept insisting that Spock and Uhura were no longer a couple, and honestly Jim didn't know why his friend was bringing the subject up every chance he got. It was almost like he wanted to convince Jim of something, but he had not idea of what.
Spock was aware that he was acting rather illogically with the Commander. He meditated about what bothered him, and he concluded that he felt what humans called 'betrayal', even though that was an exaggeration. Kirk had said he would not tell anyone about Spock and Nyota. Yet he told McCoy, who felt he could intrude and stare to either see if it was true or criticize them both for breaking regulations. Kirk insisted McCoy was not judgmental, however Spock had heard the colorful comments the doctor made and he was always condemning people for bad habits or stupidity. It was logical to assume he also made negative comments about the relationship, even if he only told Kirk about them.
It was best to put everything in perspective.
Fact: Kirk told McCoy something that could be considered confidential.
Fact: McCoy had not told anyone else, since the rest of the crew was acting disconcerted by the change of dynamics on the Bridge. If they knew, they would understand why the event was happening.
Fact: McCoy was Kirk's best friend. The Commander was bound to share some details of his conversations with Spock with him.
Fact: That McCoy was aware of his past relationship status had no consequences. His scrutiny had stopped, probably Kirk's doing, and no longer had an impact in the present.
Fact: Spock had to work with Kirk. It would be illogical to damage the working relationship because of an unfortunate event that occurred off-duty.
Fact: Spock had a crew who sympathized with emotions. Negative feelings would have a negative effect on efficiency.
Fact: Humans made mistakes. It was unreasonable to blame Kirk for something in his nature. He did it in something that had not affected an important task, as Spock though it would be when they started the mission.
Spock would have continued with his mental notes on the facts when he saw McCoy entering the turbolift, apparently going to Sickbay. He looked uncomfortable as soon as he was aware of who was already there.
"Just when I need Jim he never sticks around," muttered McCoy.
"Good morning, doctor McCoy." Spock was calmer after his meditation, and it would be impolite to just ignore the doctor.
"Morning, Captain," said McCoy dryly.
Spock watched how the doctor kept fidgeting anxiously.
"Permission to speak freely, sir?" McCoy looked directly into Spock's eyes. The Vulcan tried not to show his surprise. It is the first time McCoy had approached him so submissively.
"Permission granted," said Spock. He was intrigued about what the doctor had to say.
"Look, I'm an ass." Spock lifted an eyebrow. He had expected McCoy to say something that the Vulcan was not already aware of. "Jim didn't mean to tell me about your thing with Uhura. It slipped out because I was bugging him. It's not his fault. He's my best friend, sometimes I forget he's loyal to everyone, and not just me. I pushed him, and believe me, you don't want to know what started that particular conversation. I guess I just want you to know I'm to blame, not Jim; if you want to put a reprimand for inappropriate behavior on my record, I understand, and I'll stop staring. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I'm just human, the curiosity got the best of me, but it won't happen again."
McCoy looked deflated. It must have been difficult for the doctor to admit his mistake. More importantly, he must really value Kirk's friendship to be willing to accept a formal reprimand on his so far clean record. Humans only made these kind of gestures when they thought the other person deserved it. And that McCoy felt that for Kirk confirmed the Commander's worthiness.
"I am aware that curiosity is one of the more frequent human weaknesses and is one of the hardest to control. You are right to point out your need to manage it." Kirk was not the only one who could hassle the doctor.
McCoy's face grew darker; nevertheless he kept his lips tightly closed. He must have been having a hard time trying to just ignore what Spock said and not answer with a sarcastic and rude remark. This was important for McCoy.
"I'll do it, sir." Even when he said 'sir', Spock knew it was almost like a curse. He did not mind.
"Very well."
They did not say anything else for the rest of their shared ride, and when McCoy left the turbolift he said a polite 'Captain' at Spock.
Spock noted that Commander Kirk seemed more reserved with him. Perhaps he was upset by the way Spock had treated him for the past two days. He was efficient, and he answered politely if Spock needed a data or questioned him. But he hardly looked at him, and he made small talk to Helmsman Sulu and Ensign Chekov, when before he had usually done it with Spock.
It was he first time Spock had felt left out on the bridge since he had attacked the man who was now his second in command.
Spock was expecting Nyota for dinner when he noticed Ensign Chekov approaching his table. Spock looked around, searching for Lieutenant Sulu like he had done when the Lieutenant had lunch with him three point two weeks ago.
"Good evening, Captain. May I speak with you?" The Ensign seemed extremely nervous and afraid to even speak.
"Of course Ensign. Please, sit down." Spock kept his voice neutral.
"I really like Commander Kirk, sir," said Chekov after a prolonged silence.
Spock was aware of the Ensign's inclination towards Kirk. Nyota said Chekov admired Kirk and considered him some sort of role model. Spock agreed after seeing how the Ensign beamed when the Commander directed his attention to him. It was not surprising that Chekov would defend Kirk without even knowing what action of his needed to be defended.
"He is efficient," said Spock.
"And… well sir, I like you too."
Spock was at loss for a response to this apparent confession.
"It's just hard seeing two people you like being mad at each other," the Ensign said, looking shyly at Spock "but that doesn't mean you stop liking them."
"Chekov," Nyota interrupted the Ensign "Sulu is waiting for you in the Training room."
Spock had not even noticed Nyota standing next to him. Chekov stood up, smiling nervously.
"Good night, Captain." Chekov looked at Nyota. "Lieutenant."
"No need for formalities, Pavel," Nyota smiled warmly. "Nyota will do."
"Oh, Commander Kirk would freak if he heard this," Chekov chuckled.
"That's the point." Nyota winked.
Nyota occupied the chair the Ensign had vacated, and looked at Spock with curiosity. Spock was serious when he told McCoy earlier that curiosity was one of the most frequent human weaknesses.
"So, how was your day?" Nyota asked.
"You shared gamma shift with me." Spock sometimes wished he could sigh when Nyota asked him illogical questions.
"You're still angry at Kirk for telling Leonard about us?"
Spock stopped the spoon that was about to reach his mouth at hearing Nyota's question. It was the first time she had brought the subject up, and he did not share the reason for his discomfort.
"Kirk told me. And before you get angrier at him for doing it, he had to. I'm directly involved and I'm the only one closer to you on the ship."
"I am not angry," affirmed Spock.
"You barely spoke to Kirk on our shifts and you chess games have stopped. If you're not angry, then why are you pushing away the most insistent person aboard?"
"The Commander is free to share whatever information he feels necessary with whoever he wants. I am not 'pushing him away' as you assert."
Spock knew Nyota would not let this go. She looked firmly affronted by Spock's evasions.
"Spock, sometimes people make mistakes. Friends mess things up. That doesn't mean you just cut all the ties. You can't expect others to act like you want them to."
"I know that other beings have individual characteristics," said Spock.
"And you have to accept those characteristics," Nyota added gently "particularly with Kirk. He is the most infuriating human you will encounter."
Spock found he could not disagree with Nyota. Kirk was indeed infuriating. And yet Spock did not see that as a flaw.
Spock remembered one time when he confided in his mother about his discomfort with his father's behavior. She told his father about it, and Spock felt angry for the second time in his life. He ceased interacting with her for an entire week, and then he forgave her. His trust in her was stronger after that; he knew she did it because she cared. Because she loved him.
This situation was entirely different, the sentiment was not similar, and Kirk was merely a work partner. But the reaction was, in essence, the same: protecting himself from harm.
On the other hand, Kirk would not harm Spock on purpose, of that the Vulcan was sure. Just like his mother was only trying to help and not trying to harm him. The truth was that if they beamed down right now on a difficult mission, Spock trusted Kirk to 'have his back', as humans were fond of saying.
He trusted Kirk with his life, and he had lost perspective over a small event. He was in need of meditation.
"I bet you already made your list of facts about this, Spock," Nyota sounded amused, "but you have to bear in mind that Kirk is actually trying to be a good First Officer. You should give him a break."
"I give him plenty of 'breaks'," Spock stated "the most common is for lunch."
"You know what I meant. You should stop making those lists, honestly."
"Listing the facts makes the decision making easier and more efficient," defended Spock.
"Doing what feels right does that too. Kirk proved that. If you return to your previous status with him, you'll see how Kirk gets infuriating in no time."
They kept eating on silence, but Spock reflected on Nyota's words. Leaving aside the fact that she had defended Kirk, which was perplexing, she had valid observations. Kirk was indeed doing an excellent job, and the Commander had made the effort to get close to Spock after the Narada incident. Humans were proud and fragile beings. For Kirk to overcome his insecurities and accept a job that was not what he had expected was worthy of appreciation.
Spock knew there was a profound reason for his discomfort over Kirk sharing information with McCoy. At first Spock thought it was about trust, but after his talk to Nyota he understood that he trusted Kirk anyway. He could not find another apparent reason for his wariness, but he concluded that it was illogical to just keep searching for something he probably would not find and, though he was reluctant to admit it, he wanted things like they were before.
Yet the facts were solid. He would not find the reason for his previous discomfort and he wanted things like they were before.
When Spock entered the mess hall, it was surprising to see Nyota sharing a table with Commander Kirk. She had stated previously that she would choose to sit with a Romulan before sharing a meal with Kirk.
Spock hesitated for a moment, and then he approached the table. Nyota looked up expectantly, but the Commander kept his eyes on his meal.
"May I join you?" said Spock politely.
"Sure," Nyota smiled.
"Yeah, I was just leaving." Kirk stood up rather quickly, almost like he wanted to evaporate.
Nyota gave Spock a nod in Kirk's direction. The message was clear: 'Your turn.'
"Commander, if you are not busy, I would like your opinion on the updates Mister Scott is proposing to the Engineering department."
Kirk looked taken aback. He seemed to search for some other Commander behind him.
"You're talking to me?" said Kirk, disbelieving.
"I do not see another Commander, and you are the one who handed me Mister Scott's proposal." Spock's voice was flat, but he lifted his eyebrow in amusement, sitting next to Nyota.
Kirk sat back enthusiastically and talked about warp factor until Doctor McCoy entered the mess hall too, and sat next to Kirk.
"You left crumbs on my desk," complained McCoy.
"You insisted on eating there," shrugged Kirk.
"Honestly, you're like a chicken."
"Please, don't feed his ego," Nyota pleaded.
"It wasn't a compliment," scowled McCoy.
"I take everything as a compliment, Bones, you should know that." Kirk looked smug.
They kept teasing for five point three minutes until Kirk stated that he needed to be in the Security department and McCoy excused himself to Sickbay.
"All right, I'll see you two on beta shift." Kirk smiled at Nyota. "Spock, chess tonight?"
Spock was aware of everyone's eyes on him, like his answer would define the course of action for everyone.
"That would be agreeable."
The Commander's smile was bigger than Spock remembered. Yet he felt something warm in his chest at seeing him and knowing he had provoked that reaction.
Somehow, Spock thought things were not going to be the same as before… they were going to be better.
Jim was almost exploding with happiness. He owed Uhura big time. Spock had acted normally during beta shift, and now during their chess game he even talked about how illogical it was for Scotty to experiment on Archer's dog.
Still, Jim kept thinking about what Bones said concerning Spock and Uhura. It was none of his business, Jim knew, and he'd just got Spock talking to him again. He was not going to mess things up because Bones had put crazy ideas in his head.
Maybe if he brought up the subject with delicacy he could obtain an answer.
"So, are you and Uhura still a couple or what?" So much for delicacy.
Spock didn't even bother with an answer; he just looked at Jim blankly.
"Because… you know… if you two are no longer an item that would suck. But if you are, then everything is okay and I'll shut up."
"May I inquire why you have selected this topic in particular?" Jim couldn't help notice that Spock was not denying anything.
"Well… Bones said that he hasn't seen you two very close like a couple should be, and that if I hadn't told him about you two he wouldn't have guessed. And you spend most of your time either here, you know, before the ice treatment, or in the lab, or on the Bridge. That hardly says 'happy couple', but maybe you two are more mature that I give you credit for." Jim was aware that he was babbling. Somehow he was starting to get nervous, like this was something that affected him directly. Maybe it was because if Spock is unhappy, everyone is unhappy. And because he'd just patched things up with the Vulcan. Why had he kept pressing Spock to confide in him? The guy had a right to privacy.
"Is it common for the doctor to observe things that do not concern him in any way?"
"He says it's useful when people lie about their health. I think he just likes gossiping too much."
Spock moved a piece on the board, without adding anything else for a while. Jim started thinking about how bring up another subject before Spock decided to just give him the silent treatment again, when the Vulcan spoke again.
"The Lieutenant and I decided to terminate our liaison three point four weeks ago. We reached an understanding and we decided to remain 'friends'."
So Bones was right. Damn bastard.
"Oh. Sorry about that. Wait, if you broke up with her, why did you get mad at me for telling Bones?"
"I did not get mad. I was disconcerted that my personal affairs were discussed when you knew that I am a private person," Spock stated matter-of-factly.
Jim felt like a jerk. Spock was right, even when they were no longer a couple he had no right to tell Bones about it. The point wasn't if Spock and Uhura were or had been a couple, but that Jim had told something private when he shouldn't have. Still, Jim felt a small annoyance at Spock and Uhura that neither had told him about the breakup.
"I'm sorry for telling Bones. It won't happen again," promised Jim.
"You have already assured me of that, and I believe that indeed it will not happen again." Spock's tone was neutral.
Jim felt a small thrill at hearing how secure Spock sounded about Jim's promise.
"So… Are you okay?" Jim observed Spock carefully and the Vulcan looked exactly the same. Perhaps he was broken on the inside?
"I find myself disconcerted by your erratic movements in the game. Otherwise, I do not feel any discomfort."
"No, I meant… you know, with the Uhura thing."
"Why would I not be 'okay'? It was natural for the relationship to reach an ending."
Spock looked truly intrigued as to why he should be devastated about the breakup. Jim wondered if his father was by any chance a descendent of some Vulcan, since Jim was the same. Sure, breaking up was a bitch, and you felt bad for a while, but it wasn't like you weren't going to find some other girl who'd help you cope. He never understood why people got all depressed, everything had an end. Relationships were not the exception.
Seeing that Spock was expecting an answer, Jim tried to think what to say without sounding too tacky.
"Well, she's a hottie." That summed things up.
"I do not believe the Lieutenant is hotter than the average human, without counting the ones with fever."
"Damn. No, not in a literal sense. She is… what's the way you said it? Oh, yeah, she's 'aesthetically pleasing'. Besides she is smart, funny and she can kick ass. She has a lot of good things to get all worked up about if you're no longer together."
"Is this your subtle manner of requesting my authorization to proceed in courting her?"
Jim was surprised to hear Spock's cold tone, and the glare that accompanied the sentence couldn't be good. Sure, Jim often didn't care about who the ex was, but he was not interested in Uhura, and if he was, he would never do anything about it. Bros before hos. Even though Spock didn't know he was a 'bro' yet.
"Nah, I'm not interested in her, Spock. Also, you were her last boyfriend. Can you imagine Uhura settling down with me? She needs to do better, not worse." Jim tried to joke but he knew his words were more sincere than what he would have liked.
"Fascinating. You think the Lieutenant will compare us in order to decide if she desires to involve herself with you. I believe that would not be the case, since you have many qualities that overshadow me."
"Yeah, right." Jim snorted. Vulcan pity was the worst kind.
"You are human. You are aesthetically pleasing. You are intelligent, strong-minded and loyal. You have –"
"All right, all right, I don't need the ego boost," cut in Jim, trying hard not to blush. "But still Spock, she seemed like 'the one' for you. If you're in a relationship thinking it will end eventually, that kills off the romance." Why in seven hells was Jim trying to convince Spock to get back together with Uhura?
"Everything ends eventually; I see no logic in your statement."
"Well, yeah, but you don't spend your time thinking that, you enjoy the moment. That's the point of relationships. Take my brother Sam; he's the most helplessly romantic guy I've ever met. Whenever he started a relationship, he always thought of that girl as 'the one'. When he was fourteen, he stole my mother's wedding ring and gave it to some random chick; he was so in love, he proposed to her. Of course the girl said 'no', but she kept the ring and my mother went ballistic on his ass. And it was like that with every girlfriend he had. He never thought of his relationships as having a limit. He thought they were going to be eternal. It was dumb, but at least he wasn't cynical like me. Then he met Aurelan, and he fell for her. She hated his guts, but my brother never gave up. They're married now and I have a niece and a nephew. That's the thing with relationships. You have to believe they'll last."
Spock looked lost in thought, and Jim felt like an idiot for trying to encourage Spock to be more romantic and give it another chance with Uhura. The guy was a Vulcan; he must think everything Jim said was 'illogical'.
"Are all humans in agreement on this rule?" questioned Spock.
"Firstly, it's not a rule. Secondly, that depends on the human. Most girls are like that. It's different for guys, but my brother is like that."
"Are you?"
This was leading down a dangerous path, but Jim didn't seem able to just change the subject.
"No. I'm different. My mom and my brother are helpless romantics, I'm the opposite. My mother said that I protect myself from getting hurt, and that when I found the right person, I would understand and I'd do everything in my power to make it last. So far, nothing." Jim smiled, but when he recalled the chat with his mother, it came to his attention that his mom had never said 'girl', she always said 'person', as in: 'maybe you are gay and too skeptical to see it'.
Of course Jim had been involved with guys, but mostly for fun and curiosity. Girls were more trustful.
"But you never know," added Jim, sensing that this was becoming far too personal. "Perhaps my mom is right and I haven't met the right one, like my brother, or like you."
Spock looked troubled by Jim's words. His face was still expressionless, but his eyes always gave him away.
"I beg to differ. I believe we are in the same predicament. While I admire the qualities of the Lieutenant, after hearing you I am convinced we made the right decision."
"Well, Uhura is almost perfect by your Vulcan standards. Either you marry her, or marry a Vulcan girl." Jim was surprised by how bitter he sounded, without even knowing why.
"I supposed you will assume what those standards would be, but I must remind you of a colloquial Terran phrase commonly used to describe individual preferences: Love is blind."
"So, you are saying I have no clue about what you like in a girl and I need to shut up?"
"You are an intelligent being. You do not need to question the meaning of my statement. Checkmate."
Watching the board, Jim noticed how they kept playing, but he wasn't actually paying any attention to the game. Looking up to Spock, Jim saw himself with his arms around the Vulcan's waist, whispering something that seemed far too intimate. Spock was wearing blue instead of gold, and Jim looked different, with a gold shirt, and his eyes were a different color.
Blinking furiously, Jim saw Spock looking at him with curiosity. He was in his gold shirt and had his eyebrow lifted. What was that about?
"Are you well, Commander?" Spock's brows were frowning very subtly.
"Yeah, I just… Hey, it's getting late. I bet you have a lot of things to do. So… good night!"
Jim didn't know who was more surprised by his outburst, him or Spock. However, the Vulcan got the dismissal loud and clear, and stood up quickly.
"Good night, Commander." Spock inclined his head almost like he was expecting for Jim to say or do something. When Jim remained silent, Spock quietly left through their shared bathroom. Well, at least he was using that again.
As he watched the Vulcan disappear, Jim saw another image. Spock was touching his cheek gently, almost lovingly. And he said a word in Vulcan that Jim had never heard before. It was a whisper, and Jim didn't hear clearly, but it was enough to freak him out.