Chapter 3C: "Stultum est timere quod vitare non potes"

Bones waited until they both were at the coffee place, and until he'd chastised Jim for ordering a slice of pie.

"So, what's eating you? You didn't say goodbye to the hobgoblin. Hell, you didn't explain why Mitchell was inspecting your mouth. Did he lose something there?" Bones smirked.

"Funny. I don't have to explain myself. Spock is the Captain, not the owner of my entire life."

"Really? Lately it seemed like he was both." Bones sighed. "I thought you said you weren't sleeping with Mitchell."

"I'm not. I didn't sleep with him, he just kissed me because… well, can you really blame him? Look at me." Jim tried to look at this with a sense of humor.

"Yeah, we all have problems resisting your charm," Bones said sarcastically. "You looked like we caught you cheating. What, you and Spock have a fidelity pact?"

"I don't know why I reacted that way, okay? I just felt…" Like I was betraying Spock, Jim thought. "Weird."

"Well, in your defence, I saw you push Mitchell," mused Bones.

"That was because he forced me. He caught me off guard. There wasn't even tongue, and let me tell you, that sucks. I think the last woman who kissed me like that was Gaila. Shit, I haven't even kissed anyone since her."

"I'm sure you'll find someone who can French kiss you."

"Are you volunteering?" Jim winked.

"I don't want anything to do with that tongue of yours. God knows where it's been."

"Gary said he did it to show Spock I have someone to 'protect' me. Can you believe that guy?"

"I can. He told me once he didn't like the way I treated you and he hated the fact that you trusted me with everything. I think he has issues."

Jim wasn't aware of that. Why did Gary feel it was his duty to go around and scare the people who were close to Jim?

"Why didn't you tell me?" asked Jim.

"Because I don't give a fuck. He could complain all he wanted, I was hardly going to listen. You haven't answered… Why did you care that the elf saw you exchanging saliva with Mitchell?"

"I don't know. I guess I don't want him to think that I'm a man whore like the others." Jim sighed.

"He's Vulcan Jim. He can't think that kind of words. He'll probably think you're a promiscuous human who can't keep it in his pants, that's all."

"Thanks, that's much better," Jim sneered. "I guess I want respect, Bones. I fought hard to be here, I don't want Spock believing I slept my way up." It was a sound argument; Jim knew the rumors about him and pretty much every Admiral. Even Komack, with all the 'hate sex' they were supposed to have had back in the Academy. Spock wasn't deaf. He must have heard some of those comments at least once, and judging from the way he looked at Jim, it was positive that he was thinking about Jim like everyone else did: Just a dumb fuck who used his body to get anything he wanted.

"I know what you're thinking, Jim." Bones interrupted his train of thought. "You should really stop the pity parties, don't you think? Spock knows you deserve the post, hell, he thinks you deserve the Captaincy too."

"What?" Jim looked at Bones with surprise.

"Dammit. I wasn't supposed to say that out loud. You don't know this, and if Spock finds out somehow I'm denying everything. Nyota told me he told her about he thought you deserved the Captaincy more than he does."

"You gossip with Uhura now?" Jim smirked. "You are one step away from becoming a woman."

"I was bored, and that's none of your business. If the elf thought you were sleeping with Mitchell, then he's a moron. You two looked almost like you were forced to kiss. I guess in your case it was true."

"Then why did you ask me if I was sleeping with him?"

"It wouldn't be the first time you slept with someone and then the awkward goodbye was a cold, forced kiss."

Well, that was true. Bones should know, he'd shared a room with Jim for three years. Knowing that Spock thought he deserved the Captaincy made Jim feel better about everything. Since he'd started serving on the Enterprise, he'd tried to do his best. He and Spock had different views on things, and often argued about them. Yet Jim respected he was the Captain, and he must obey orders.

The only decision Jim had disapproved of so far was Spock beaming down on dangerous missions. Spock listened and made an effort to understand Jim's reasons. Before the Narada incident, Jim had thought he'd be serving under Pike's command. Pike was badass and he didn't take crap from anyone. Jim thought he would enjoy serving with him. Then Spock came along, and Jim expected that the combination of the Vulcan in command and his resentment that he didn't get the ship would eventually explode. Surprisingly, Jim felt comfortable enough with Spock. Besides, this was shore leave, he could do anything he wanted to as long it wasn't detrimental to Starfleet. This was no different than when people said he was sleeping with Bones. He never cared about rumors before, he should let this pass too.

Except he kept thinking about it, and he had no idea what to do to feel better about this, or at least to stop attaching so much importance to what had happened. When he noticed Spock on the Observation deck, Jim called Bones and told him that he couldn't meet him for dinner. He tried to subdue the small pang of guilt he felt for cancelling on his friend since he was trying to compensate Bones, but he could make it up later.

Spock seemed oblivious to his presence, and Jim stood very still, wondering what to do now. Maybe he should make small talk to see if Spock was angry, although if Spock was angry, then Jim would be angry as well since the Vulcan had no right to be mad. Then he would probably do something to screw things up.

"Commander, is there anything you needed?" Spock said, which made Jim jump, startled.

"Oh, well…" Jim was at loss for what to say. Why hadn't he gone with Bones? "Are you beaming down?" That was a stupid question; they both knew that Spock wouldn't beam down unless someone was doing something dumb or anyone was at risk.

"No."

Short answer. Crap.

"Why? Come on, it would be fun, I bet Uhura's expecting you." Jim was surprised by what he'd just said. Why did he involve Uhura in this? Sometimes his mouth had life of its own.

"I believe you are mistaken. The Lieutenant has plans that do not involve me in any way."

"Oh. How about we grab dinner then? My treat."

Spock finally looked at him and Jim felt he'd made progress when he saw the 'you are weird' eyebrow up.

"I do not need nourishment at this moment."

Even when Spock seemed his normal cold and distant self, Jim felt something odd. He was exactly the same, this was not like when Spock applied the silent treatment, yet Jim knew something was up. If he asked about Spock and his feelings, he would get nowhere. He had to ask this in a way that the Vulcan couldn't refute.

"What did you think about Riley?" Jim was a genius. He'd not only apparently changed the subject; he'd also given Spock a good opportunity to share his impression of Kevin.

"He seems efficient, he has a recommendation letter from Admiral Pike and his grades are exceptional. I believe that even Captain Mitchell said positive things about his character."

"Yeah, but if it's coming from Mitchell it doesn't mean that much to you, right?" Jim smiled, knowing that he was getting to the point he wanted.

"Indeed, he does not seem like a reliable source." Jim guessed that if Spock was human, he would have snorted. He took the no eyebrow up thing as such.

"He's a jerk, that's for sure, diplomacy is not his thing. But if Riley has a clean record and has Pike's fondness, then Gary is probably correct this time." Spock seemed thoughtful about what Jim had just said. Hopefully he hadn't pissed the Vulcan off.

"Then you agree with him," Spock said dryly. "Not unexpected when romantic partners are involved. If you do not mind if I ask, is that the reason why you suggested that Mister Riley transferred to the Enterprise?"

"Okay, let's be clear about two things." Finally they got to what Jim was interested in. "First, I know Riley from the Academy, and he was always outstanding. I also knew him for a while when we were children, let's not go into details, but the thing is I know him pretty well and I know we are lucky to have him here." This was starting to backfire in ways Jim hadn't expected. He wanted Riley out of there, and now he had probably convinced Spock to let him finish the internship with them. Jim didn't focus on that thought, he had bigger fish to fry here. "And second, I'm not involved with Mitchell. And if I was, I wouldn't be so unprofessional as to let that cloud my judgement and approve someone who could be detrimental on the ship. Contrary to your belief, I do care for the Enterprise and I do care for –" You was about to leave Jim's lips, but he stopped himself in time. "The crew," he said instead.

Jim noticed that Spock was very rigid next to him. He'd babbled too much, he knew it. He couldn't stop once he started; apparently he had a lot to say even when he told himself he was only making his points clear and nothing more.

"I know you would not do anything detrimental to the Enterprise, Commander Kirk." Okay, Commander Kirk never cued something good. "I did not know you were previously acquainted with Mister Riley."

"Yeah, long story, boring too. Whatever, the thing is that I'm not involved with Mitchell." Jim wasn't letting Spock change the subject, that sneaky Vulcan had more knowledge of human behavior than he let on.

"I believe that your personal affairs are entirely your own," said Spock.

"Well, I just wanted to make sure… I mean, we aren't involved in any way. You and Uhura back together or what?" Dammit, that wasn't supposed to be said out loud.

To his credit, Spock only tilted his head, blinking.

"No," he answered, and he took his sweet time doing it, Jim was about to speak and say that it didn't matter. The worst part was that Jim felt it did matter, although he didn't know exactly why. He'd prepared himself to hear 'Yes, we are together and we are planning the wedding. We'll have tons of children and live happily ever after', though of course that would be phrased in a very Vulcan way. When he heard the 'no', Jim felt something in his stomach finally settle.

"All right then. You aren't with Uhura, I'm not with Mitchell, we are both single and available." Jim hoped he didn't say that last part out loud, he'd meant to stop after saying 'Mitchell'. He noticed he hadn't when Spock looked at him with his Vulcan frown. "Just saying, to make things clear."

"Indeed." Spock was surely just patronizing him. "I do not see the need for clarification, however those seem to be the facts."

Spock believed him when he said he wasn't with Gary? That was a first. Jim wasn't used to people just believing what he said. They often demanded that he prove things, and in their defence, Jim lied a lot. Particularly to Bones, who kept nagging him about injuries and his sleeping habits. For Spock to just say that it was okay… well, this was new. What was he supposed to say? He'd expected a lot of squabble here, perhaps Spock saying that friends don't kiss or how illogical that would be. Jim was ready to argue (as much as one can argue with Spock) about this until one of them (probably Jim) started shouting and said something stupid.

It seemed that Spock accepted what Jim said as true even though the Vulcan had witnessed how Jim lied to Bones. Or maybe Spock just didn't want to discuss the subject further and that was fine by him. He would go with the 'Spock trusts me' thing just for his peace of mind.

"Great! Awesome… So… if we are both single, I guess we don't need permission to play chess, right? Would you like to have a match?"

"I do not see how we would need 'permission' from our respective partners to play a game even if we were romantically involved; nonetheless, I am not opposed to the idea."

He said yes, Jim needed to stop acting like an idiot now. He made it his personal goal to make Spock enjoy their next shore leave.

Spock had had expectations about the shore leave. None of them were fulfilled though, since the intrusion of Captain Mitchell put several things Spock had not considered into perspective. It had not occurred to him that perhaps Mister Kirk had other plans, as Captain Mitchell told him. Fortunately he had rejected the offer, although if someone offered something more rewarding than his current position, the Commander could abandon the ship, and Spock would have to consider his next course of action. Kirk was irreplaceable, whoever he made his second in command in the case of Mister Kirk's departure would lack many of the Commander's abilities. The only logical course of action was to make the Enterprise a 'second home', as humans said, for Kirk and that way he would stay as long as Spock was Captain.

He was not worried about the alleged 'relationship' between the Commander and Captain Mitchell. He was surprised when he beamed down with Doctor McCoy because he did not expect to see such physical demonstrations of affection. Spock had not known that they were involved. Kirk had been with McCoy the night before, and the Commander was quite hostile to Mitchell in the meeting. He had been honest when he told the Commander that his personal affairs were his concern and not Spock's; still, he was not prepared to witness those affairs. He knew the reputation the Commander had carried since the Academy. Yet he had not involved himself in any personal relationships in the time they had served together. If Kirk and Mitchell were together, the Commander would surely have mentioned it. And if they started the relationship on their shared shore leave, then it had ended quickly judging from the way Kirk acted around Mitchell and the coldness he had seen between them as they kissed.

Above all, Spock did not feel any affection from the Commander regarding Mitchell. Although Spock had shields to prevent him from reading the emotions of others, it was sometimes inevitable with the Commander given the closeness they shared. When Kirk said he was not involved with Mitchell, Spock felt his conviction and he believed him, although Kirk seemed surprised that he did. Spock just dismissed the subject as unimportant and started planning his strategy to make the Enterprise a good place for Kirk. Having McCoy aboard suddenly felt like an excellent choice.

Following his tactics, Spock remained silent when he observed how irrational Mister Kirk became when Cadet Riley was involved. At the moment he was chastising Lieutenant Cravers because he trained with Mister Riley. The Commander cursed at the Lieutenant because he was not 'careful enough' with the Cadet.

"He wants to be a member of the department, Commander!" Cravers shouted. "He has to learn to deal with this!"

"Oh, please, don't be an ass. When Giotto told you to go easy on Edwards, you almost put pillows on the floor," the Commander said coldly. "He's a Cadet, Cravers, stop pushing him."

"Stop protecting him," muttered Cravers.

"What was that?" Kirk looked murderous.

"Nothing, sir." Cravers looked down.

"Damn right. Now, McCoy needs help in the medical ward, I'm putting you under his command for as long as he thinks is necessary. Go report to him."

"But sir –"

"Would you like to help Scotty too?"

"No sir." Cravers clenched his fists.

"Good. Dismissed, go with McCoy."

Doctor McCoy had requested a member from the Security team to help him move the equipment in Sickbay because 'they are muscles without brains'; he and Mister Kirk had agreed to discuss which member they were sending, since it would be seen as a punishment for whomever they choose. Apparently Kirk had made the decision by himself, and Spock was hesitant as to whether he should intervene. This did not undermine his authority since the Commander was the head of the Security department; he was at liberty to select the best choice. Kirk knew how to handle his department; Spock should let him do it freely.

"Hello, Captain, do you need something?" Mister Kirk finally noticed his presence in the Training room.

Kirk was angry. Spock could tell because he called him 'Captain' and acted politely. When Kirk did that it was because he was making a strenuous effort to pretend he was not upset.

"I wanted to inquire about the selection to cover the request of Doctor McCoy. I see you already chose a member from the Security staff." Spock decided the best course of action was acting normally.

"He volunteered himself," said the Commander. Spock was about to argue with that but he thought better of it.

"I see. Very well; Commander, I have noticed your close relationship with Cadet Riley."

"Yeah, so?" Kirk got defensive as soon as he heard what Spock said. This was not good.

"I just wanted to make sure you keep in mind that the Cadet is seeking experience, if he wanted protection, he would have stayed on the USS Archimedes." Spock hoped the Commander would not take his comment as a criticism and could be reasonable. Although Spock had learned that 'Commander Kirk' and 'reasonable' were opposite concepts.

"The Captain is right, stop babysitting the kid."

They both turned around and saw Doctor McCoy entering the room.

"What do you know?" spat Kirk. "You don't let M'Benga do things either."

"Because I'm a controlling bastard, not because I don't trust him. Stop being an ass, Jim. If Cravers keeps moving my delicate equipment like that, he's going to break something and then I'll pester the Captain into getting me new shiny things. You know I hate asking the hobgoblin for anything."

Spock blinked, not taking offence at the insult. Sometimes the doctor acted like he was not there listening, and to be honest, Spock often blocked out the doctor's voice, as he rarely had an interesting argument.

"I don't tell you how to run your Sickbay, so don't lecture me about how I deal with my department." Kirk turned around, walking away from them. "Good day doctor, Captain."

It was the first time Spock had heard Mister Kirk use the doctor's title. He must be really upset, and Spock did not know the reason. It could not be only because Mister Cravers trained with Mister Riley.

"Stubborn bastard," McCoy whispered, and Spock did not know if he was referring to him or to Commander Kirk.

Given that McCoy was the best source for understanding the Commander's attitude, Spock needed to ask him. He prepared himself for the crude comments that this would lead to.

"May I ask why the Commander is angry?"

"So, you noticed too," McCoy sighed. "Look Captain, I can't tell you much, but Jim is really close to Riley. He thinks it's his personal responsibility to ensure his wellbeing. He's going to be an idiot until Riley is safe in the Academy again."

"Nevertheless, Mister Riley is a member of Starfleet. Has the Commander not considered that his field of work is dangerous? He can hardly protect Mister Riley at all times."

"Yeah, you and I know that. Jim… he likes to be oblivious about it. Just don't let him act stupidly and it's going to be okay."

Spock did not know what 'acting stupidly' involved, but he would have to observe the Commander carefully to make certain he did not get emotionally involved and let that affect his command.

When Mister Giotto was scheduled to return, they received a communication from Starfleet. Admiral Pike explained that Giotto was needed on the USS Archimedes since they had had another casualty on their return to Earth. Spock wondered how a cargo ship could have two officers injured when they did nothing dangerous. Spock suspected that Captain Mitchell had planned this since the beginning, although he did not share his thoughts.

"I need Giotto here, Pike." Mister Kirk was in a foul mood.

"We all need Giotto on the Archimedes, Jim. Komack trusts him, and he doesn't trust Mitchell. Do the math."

"We have to suffer because Komack wants Mitchell under surveillance?"

"You have Riley, he is an excellent crewman."

"Yeah, and a Cadet too. We can't rely on him."

"You can. He's almost graduated anyway, take him and stop whining."

"I don't whine, you are being an as…"

"Commander," Spock interrupted.

"Right, well, you know what I meant." Kirk glared at Pike.

"Kirk, sometimes I wonder who the Captain is. You are the one who keeps complaining about everything even though you don't have the authority to override any decisions."

Spock noticed the Commander going rigid next to him, almost like the Admiral had hit him. It was vicious to remind Mister Kirk about his limitations in Command. The man was proud. Spock knew the Admiral had a somewhat justified reason for what he did but Spock did not agree with how he had said it. He could not reassure Kirk of his importance to the Command, however, since it would look unprofessional. He kept silent.

"You know? You are right, Pike. I'm nothing but a puppet here. I wonder why the Captain keeps calling me to witness these exciting communications, after all it doesn't make a difference if I'm present or not. If you excuse me Admiral, I'm needed elsewhere. Permission to retire?"

Kirk and Pike looked at each other challengingly, and Spock was confused about what his course of action should be.

"Permission granted," Spock said neutrally. He would talk with Kirk later.

"Thank you, Captain. Admiral." Kirk stood up and bolted from the Conference room.

Pike sighed, like he was resigned.

"Admiral, although we respect your authority, I would appreciate if you stopped chastising my personnel," Spock said, trying to sound polite. "I am the one in command; I should be the one reprimanding my officers."

"I'm sorry Spock, it's just that Kirk and I have a complicated relationship. You're right, I was out of line. Still, Riley stays on the Enterprise and Giotto is going to be transferred to the Archimedes."

"For how long?" Spock knew that he could not dispute this decision; the Admirals had already settled on having Giotto on the Archimedes.

"Four months. As soon as the chief of Security from the Archimedes gets his approval to serve again, Giotto returns to the Enterprise."

"Understood."

"I hope Jim understands this too, Spock. For his own good."

Spock did not understand what the Admiral was referring to; clearly Admiral Pike was also informed about the connection between Cadet Riley and Commander Kirk that the doctor kept saying was private. Spock knew he could not force the Commander to share exactly why he felt responsible for Cadet Riley, however if he did tell him, it would make easier to comprehend his reasoning.

He expected Kirk to just acknowledge this and be professional about it. He could protest all he wanted, this was still happening and he had to accept it.

Jim was furious. Pike was an ass, and Mitchell a colossal jerk. He knew, he knew Riley was staying and he manipulated him into accepting him on the Enterprise. Sneaky bastard, he planned it all along and Jim was dumb enough to fall for the charade. And to think he felt bad for him, that asshole.

He spent the entire afternoon in the Training room, good thing Cravers offered to train with him. Cravers wanted to get his revenge because he was stuck in Sickbay and Jim wanted to unleash his frustration on someone. It worked well for both of them.

After he finally got beaten, and Cravers was limping to Sickbay, Jim felt a lot better. Okay, he wasn't in charge; Pike, although he was an ass, was right. Riley was there, Jim had no authority to override it; hence his next course of action should be protecting the kid. As long as Riley was under his watch, he wouldn't beam down on any dangerous missions. He'd fight to get this from Spock no matter what.

He ate his dinner alone because he was still moody and he didn't want to fight with Bones again. And he didn't want to see Spock either. When he got frustrated, he kept seeing things from the other reality and it didn't help much. If he was Captain like that Kirk, he would have sent Riley back a long time ago. If he hadn't been a failure, he would have the Enterprise by now. He would be Captain like that Kirk.

He hated feeling like this. Insecure; with no control. He always had to prove himself, and now being First Officer was the hardest task for him. Perhaps being the Captain was less challenging than being First Officer. After all, as First Officer you had to put everything in perspective and it could help build character and discipline. Jim smiled bitterly, who was he kidding? He wanted to be Captain badly. This was just frustrating, and if he was the quitter type, he would have resigned his post a long time ago.

Good thing he was proud and stubborn. He'd made a commitment and he would follow through. It was only for five more months, then he would get his ship and Mitchell and Pike could kiss his ass.

Jim was surprised to see Spock outside his room when he finished his dinner.

"Captain, is something wrong?" Jim asked.

"I was wondering if we could converse about the events that unfolded this afternoon."

Of course. Jim acted like an idiot. Why was he trying to look like an incompetent jerk in front of Spock every time he got the chance?

"Yeah, sure. Come in." Jim opened his door, stepping aside.

Spock stood next to his bed, probably waiting for Jim to sit. He did so behind the small desk and invited Spock to sit whenever he wanted. Spock chose the chair in front of him.

"Mister Riley is going to be considered as a member of the Security department," said Spock "and we have orders to stop considering him a Cadet."

"I figured as much," Jim said, trying to calm himself. Spock wasn't at fault here; in fact, he was the only one who was without blame in this mess. "He's still new, we can't rely on him much."

"Mister Cravers said he was rather efficient. Even more than Mister Edwards."

"Well, yeah, compared with Edwards, even a monkey would be more efficient," Jim spat, and then breathed. He was getting angry again.

"I do not believe an animal would be a good choice for any department, however I agree that the animal could be trained well enough to perform certain duties," Spock said, deadpan.

Jim laughed. He couldn't help it, Spock was funny even when he wasn't trying to be. Jim felt better immediately. It was like Spock could make him forget about his frustrations when he showed him how stupid they were.

"The Admiral was out of line this afternoon, Commander," said Spock, surprising Jim.

"Sorry?"

"When he said that you had no authority. You are second in command, you have authority to even override me if you believe it necessary. The Admiral was attempting to elicit an emotional response from you."

Jim knew that, he didn't need Spock reassuring him. After all, one of his motivations for taking the job was making Spock 'emotionally compromised' and then taking command of the Enterprise. It was nice to hear it, though.

"Yeah, Pike knew how to push me, don't worry, I know what you think."

"Do you?" Spock blinked.

"Yes. You said we share the command. Then you trust me with the decisions I make, you know I do things for a reason even when it's not clear for you. I trust you as well, so Pike can go fuck himself for all I care."

Spock lifted an eyebrow and tilted his head.

"Although I agree with your reasoning, I would prefer it if you do not refer to the Admiralty in general in a demeaning manner. Since this is off the record, I shall not take action; nevertheless, I must ask that you control your emotions."

"Yeah, I won't call him an asshole to his face, don't worry."

They kept talking about Riley, and Jim agreed to stop 'babysitting' him, but that didn't mean he would stop protecting him. Riley wasn't getting in any danger; he would make sure of that.

Jim should have known that fate was a bitch. He craved exciting missions, and now that they got one, he didn't want it. They got a distress call from the USS Pegasus. They were on a nearby planet where several crewmembers had gotten trapped in a mine. The Pegasus was assigned to that place because they were researching minerals fields. As soon as Spock ordered them to change the course to respond the call, Jim understood why, besides being the nearest ship, they requested the Enterprise. Pegasus was mostly a research and scientific ship, it lacked of tactical or security personnel, and from the sound of the briefing, the Captain was dumb enough to let almost the entire crew go to the mines. When Jim got the ship he was changing the procedures. Still, the Enterprise would have to use every Security member on this, including Riley.

Jim was trying to convince Spock to let Riley stay with Bones on the medical team.

"Bones needs a Security member; you don't know what could happen."

"Commander, this is a rescue mission. I do not see how Doctor McCoy could be at risk. He will be at a safe distance from the disaster; he is not in any danger."

Jim knew Spock was right. They needed every member of the team, that shouldn't be up for discussion, and yet he refused to accept this. There must be a way to keep Riley safe. Unfortunately he couldn't think anything else that would let Riley stay with Bones. He was sure that if he presented Spock with a reasonable argument he would concede, but he could only think of 'I don't want Riley on the rescue team, because I said so'. Spock hardly would cave for that.

He tried to convince Bones to request him for something. He failed there as well.

"For the tenth time, Jim, I'm not asking Riley onto my team. I need medical crew, not a Security officer. If he could patch people up, then I could request him, but he has zero medical training, therefore I'm not taking him. Stop being annoying, I have to prepare my equipment."

"He could help you carry your equipment," Jim suggested "you aren't getting any younger, and you could hurt yourself with all that heavy equipment. Riley could assist you with that."

"Calling me old and weak doesn't help your case, Jim," Bones glared. "And I said no. The answer will be 'no' no matter how many times you ask. And if you go to the hobgoblin and lie about it, I'm telling him why you are this annoying when it comes to Riley."

That silenced Jim instantly. He'd lost; Bones would do it if he kept pushing. That meant… Riley was going down with the rescue team whether he liked or not. Kevin looking excited and happy about it did nothing to improve his mood, but if he forbade Kevin to beam down, he would go to Spock and then Jim's authority would be overridden by the Captain.

And he had nothing else up his sleeve, Riley was efficient and, as Cravers said, he was even better than Edwards. They needed him. Jim then thought that even when he couldn't stop Riley from being on the rescue team, he could limit his actions; he was his superior, and Spock said he was in charge of the team. That would work in his favor.

When they beamed down, the Pegasus' Captain was already waiting for them, looking rather pale and scared. His First Officer didn't look any better. According to them, the problem was that they had blown up too many devices at the same time, which made the ground unstable and then the inner walls collapsed around the caves.

"Aren't you experts on this?" asked Jim with a frown. "You should have known that the ground was unsteady before you tried to blow up the walls."

"We didn't have enough data," said the First Officer. "We thought that they were safe. We even did the soil test and it came out okay, we didn't know."

"The mine's entrance got covered with rocks," added the Captain.

"The communicators were damaged, but we have every member's life signal, we don't have any casualties."

"So far." muttered Jim.

As usual, scientists forgot security measures; they thought that because they were on peaceful research missions they didn't need experts on Security. Jim hoped he could change that when he requested his promotion. And seeing how the Captain looked frankly inept, Jim knew he was getting the Pegasus without a problem.

"There's a small crack under this rock, Commander," Cravers said when Jim sent the team to explore the ground.

"We could make a small opening if we make the crack wider. We could use some explosives; the laser gun would take longer."

"That would be dangerous, Commander," intercepted the Pegasus' Captain. "We don't know how unstable the ground is, even the small explosion could cause another collapse and we would risk my crew."

Jim was about to tell this idiot that it was his fault that his crew was in danger in the first place when Spock spoke.

"I am afraid we do not have another choice, Captain Sullivan." Jim was surprised to hear the coldness in Spock's voice. "The rescue team cannot go into to the cave if they do not make another entrance. Do you suggest that my Security team start to dig and see if they can reach your crew in time? This is already a precarious situation, and I understand your frustration, although it was not our fault that you did not research the ground before you decided to detonate the devices. We shall do what we believe appropriate; after all, the Enterprise is in charge of this rescue."

Jim tried very had not to laugh. Spock was on a roll, first Gary and now Sullivan. Jim suspected that the Vulcan took a guilty pleasure from bitch-slapping any Captain that crossed his path.

The plan was simple. They would make a small entrance; Cravers, Jonnes, Benson, Riley and Jim were going in. Spock looked like he was thinking about volunteering himself when Jim told him that they needed him outside to help the members who were rescued to the medical campground that Bones had put together a few meters back. He also was his contact outside. It appeared that while whatever mineral they were looking for allowed the identification of life signals, but they couldn't beam out the crew. Perhaps Spock and Scotty could figure out a way to recalibrate the transporter so Scotty could beam out the crew. Until then, the mission was to find the crew and take them out. Uhura was checking the life signals. Twenty people were trapped; the goal was to get all of them out alive.

Spock was not nervous. He told himself that because it seemed that every time Commander Kirk was involved in a difficult mission, he got this small pang on his stomach. He was trying to work with Mister Scott, who was talking fast and trying to change the wiring in the communicator device to see if it blocked the effect of the minerals on the cave. Spock took note of the time as the rescue team entered the cave.

Half hour later Lieutenant Cravers was walking out slowly, carrying a badly injured woman. Spock helped her to the medical camp to let Cravers go back inside. On this kind of mission time was imperative. Spock wanted to go as well, as with his Vulcan resistance and strength he could be a major advantage to the team, but at this moment he was more useful helping Mister Scott, and Kirk would have quoted regulations against it if he suggested it. In this case the team did not need the Captain, and his task was to supervise the Security team. Going inside would have been detrimental to the parameters Starfleet had established for this particular mission and he wanted to show Kirk that he trusted him as well.

Seeing only Cravers, Jonnes and Benson coming out frequently made Spock question if he had made the right decision. Kirk had not come out once, and Cravers informed him that Kirk and Riley had gone further into the mine to get the last crewmember and ordered the rest of them to get back. It was a man who was trapped under a pile of rocks. Three hours had already passed, the more time elapsed the more difficult the rescue would become. The fact that Mister Kirk had dismissed the team made Spock wary.

When Spock and Mister Scott agreed on the new course of action, Mister Scott beamed up again and Spock tried the communicator, recalibrating the channel to contact Kirk.

"Commander Kirk, do you hear me?"

After a few minutes, Spock was about to try again when he heard some white noise from the communicator.

"Mister Kirk?" Spock repeated loudly, and he knew it was illogical. The volume of his voice had no effect on the success of the communication device.

"Captain." Spock heard Kirk coughing and he could have let out a sigh of relief. He would justify this later in a logical way, but right now he had more important things to be concerned about.

"Mister Kirk, where are you?"

"Wait, don't!" Kirk was clearly not talking to Spock. A loud crash echoed through the communicator and then white noise again.

Jim had a loud buzzing in his ears. He tried to get up, and everything in his body ached. Remembering what just happened, he felt the adrenaline flow through his body and stood up, wincing at the pain in his right leg. He blinked to clear his vision and walked towards where Riley was trying to help the trapped man. They had noticed how if they caused a small explosion at the base of the rock formation it could help make them smaller and easier to remove. Jim wasn't sure about this course of action, especially with Kevin being insubordinate and stubbornly staying when Jim ordered him to get out with the rest of the team, but they didn't have another choice.

Now Jim noticed that Kevin was lying down and the man whom they were supposed to rescue was unconscious, he cursed. It was a bad idea, and he could hear Spock saying so in his head.

"Kevin?" Jim got close to Kevin, trying not to move him.

"Jim… I mean, Commander," Kevin whispered, like it took an enormous effort just to talk.

"Screw formalities, Kevin, we're trapped here."

"Look familiar to you?" Kevin smiled weakly.

"We survived that; we'll survive this too, okay? Just stay with me, can you get up?" Jim was feeling anxious about this. They were far from the entrance and he had no way to communicate with Spock. Kevin tried to stand and failed; his legs weren't responding.

"Matthew?" Kevin asked.

Kevin and the trapped guy were chatting while Jim was setting the explosive device. He said his name was Matthew Green; he was an expert in stones and minerals and had been serving for ten years. Everything would have worked out nicely if Matthew hadn't gotten nervous and taken the detonator from Kevin's hand. It barely gave Jim time to jump and try to cover himself before the explosion.

"Let me check." Jim smiled reassuringly.

Jim got closer to the man, and saw that he wasn't breathing. He was dead. Jim also noticed how the explosion had caused more collapses, making it impossible to get out like he'd planned to. If he detonated another device, they could be buried entirely. He couldn't risk Kevin.

His only hope now was Spock and Scotty.

"He's dead, right?" Kevin asked.

No point in lying, he didn't do it when they were children, he wasn't starting now.

"Yes. But we aren't, and we're used to being trapped, right?" Jim felt like he was in a nightmare. This was like living Tarsus all over again. Alone, without anyone who could help them, Kevin depending on him and him being powerless. This wasn't the time to get negative. He could do it. He'd managed on Tarsus, he would manage here too.

"Right," said Kevin.

Jim decided to modify his communicator. It was jammed after the explosion, but if he could change the wires perhaps he could make contact with Spock.

"Jim, do you think we are going to die here?" Kevin asked. Jim thought he was scared, but he sounded calm and oddly resigned. This was familiar enough that Jim couldn't help but return to the memories from Tarsus again.

"Jim, do you think we are going to die here?"

"No. We can't die; we have to see the world, Kevin."

"But you defied Kodos. He said he'll kill you."

"Yeah, he said you were dead and he was wrong. We can do this, Kevin."

"What for? I don't have a family. They're dead… and I want to be dead too, I want to be with them."

"Don't say that. Your mom gave everything so you could live."

"I'm alone. I'm all alone."

"You aren't alone. You have me, and my mom and brother will be happy to have you in our family."

"Promise Jim; promise you'll never leave me alone."

"Either we make it together or we die together, Kevin."

And they made it together. Now it seemed they would die together as well.

Spock was at loss as to what happened last time he established contact with the Commander. According to Captain Sullivan, the ground shook in the cave, probably from an explosion. That much Spock had already figured out, what he did not know was the reason for the explosion whether the Commander and Mister Riley were all right. Only two persons were alive in the cave, and he was apprehensive that the Commander could be the one who had just died. No, it could not be, Kirk was smart and strong. Spock should have gone to the cave. He should have followed his instincts, illogical as they were.

When Spock and the rest of the team felt the ground under them shaking, he realized that the last movement had made everything unstable. The walls of the mine were falling and could bury the two people in there, killing them. They needed to act faster.

"And your first kiss?" Jim asked, mostly to keep Kevin conscious.

"When I was fifteen. When we were on Tarsus, I thought I was dying without my first kiss."

"I told you I could kiss you if you wanted," Jim smirked, tiredly. He was about to finish the device, but he knew the ground around them was about to collapse. If he didn't hurry, they would soon be dead.

"Yeah, you said," Kevin chuckled faintly. "I wasn't delirious enough back then. Why did you enlist, Jim? You hated Starfleet; I remember the fights with your mom about it."

"Honestly, I can't tell you why. Pike used my father to bait me, and it worked. I still don't know how."

"You're a hero, like him. You deserve to be in Starfleet."

"I'm not a hero, Kevin. I'm a screw up who got lucky."

"It's sad that you don't see the great things you've done. You saved me… you saved Earth… and you're fighting to save me again. You're my hero, Jim."

"Trust me Kevin, there are better role models for you than me," Jim tried to joke. He didn't want the conversation to get too personal.

"If I die, promise me you are going to fight and live, okay?"

"Stop it. I hate when you get all negative. We are both getting out together," Jim assured him, although he didn't believe it. They were dying there.

"Jim, I'm tired, and I'll lose consciousness soon. Leave me here and go, okay? Once I die, you can get the rest of the devices detonated and make your way out."

"First, I'm not leaving you. You disobeyed me when I ordered you out, now I'm staying. Second, we've only got two devices left, so it's not enough and it would make the walls collapse entirely. They're about to fall down anyway. You need to hold on a little bit, I'm about to finish this. Spock can get us out as soon as I make contact with him, you'll see."

"Captain Spock must be angry," Kevin said. "Mostly at you."

"He doesn't get angry, he's a Vulcan. He's probably already given us up for dead and started looking for the replacements," Jim joked, even though deep down he felt he was being entirely serious.

"You don't really believe that, right? Captain Spock cares about you a lot."

"Really? How do you know?"

"I just do. I can tell. He must be very worried about you."

"I think he's more worried for you, Kevin. Now don't get all corny with me, we are getting out, and you are going to get back to the Academy without any discussion and you are graduating with honors, is that understood?"

"Yes, Commander." Kevin smiled. "I'm glad I get to die with you by my side, Jim. I always felt that if I was dying, you would make the process fun."

"I live to serve," Jim spat "and stop being so melodramatic. Honestly, you're worse than Bones."

"You gave me a second chance, Jim, and I took advantage of that every moment I lived after Tarsus. Don't forget it."

Jim didn't answer. He had to make contact; he had to recalibrate the signal. They weren't dying there, Kevin deserved another chance. He was the only one who truly was worthy of it.

After five hours they still had not succeeded in locating the two people trapped in the mine. Spock, with the help of Mister Scott, had created an entire new communicator and started calibrating it to the Commander's channel.

Spock felt a jolt in his stomach when he heard something.

"Ca…in."

"Commander Kirk?" Spock would recognize Kirk's voice anywhere.

"…trapped."

"Commander, I cannot hear you clearly, please recalibrate the channel," Spock said, expecting Kirk to hear him.

"Do you copy me now?" Kirk said after two minutes.

"Yes Commander, maintain that channel." Spock asked for a second communicator in order to interact with Mister Scott. Spock heard a loud noise on Kirk's channel.

"Commander Kirk, are you well?" Spock asked, concerned.

"The walls are falling, we're about to get buried here, so if you can beam us out, this would be a good moment."

"Who is with you?"

"Riley, but he's injured badly, he lost consciousness, like, five minutes ago."

"Mister Scott," Spock said quickly "can you locate Commander Kirk's signal?"

"I got him!" Spock heard the man screaming. "I can beam him out if he doesn't move!"

Before Spock could make the order, Kirk changed the channel and Mister Scott lost the signal again.

"Mister Kirk? Do you hear me?"

"Yes, ask Scotty if he can beam us out now. I think I got the right coordinates."

"I can't, Captain, I only got the Commander's signal. Do I beam him out?"

"No! Wait, Spock!" Kirk shouted. "Please, give me five minutes, I can get the signal right, then we're both out. Please!"

"The walls are collapsing entirely, Captain Spock," Captain Sullivan said apprehensively. "He doesn't have five minutes."

"Please, Spock, trust me, I need five minutes, please!" Mister Kirk sounded desperate, and Spock hesitated for the first time about what he should do. The logical course of action would be to beam Mister Kirk out, but he was so convinced he could achieve his goal… Spock truly did not know what the right choice was.

"He'll die there, Captain, you have to beam him out," Cravers insisted.

"What do I do, Captain?" Mister Scott did not help either.

Hearing something collapse through the communicator, Spock made his decision.

"Beam out Commander Kirk immediately, Mister Scott."

"No, Spock, wait!"

"Now, Mister Scott."

"Yes, Captain."

They waited a few moments that felt were like hours to Spock. He did not understood the concept of relief until he saw the Commander appear in front of them, severely injured, but alive. He was holding his communicator tightly and looked shocked.

Then Spock felt something in his stomach twisting. Almost like he knew everything would change irremediably. They noticed the ground shaking for the last time.

"No life signals from the mine, Captain," reported Lieutenant Uhura.

They all knew what that meant. Mister Riley was dead. It was the first time since Spock was made Captain that he lost a member of the crew. It was painful enough without seeing the sadness that crossed Mister Kirk's features. He looked devastated; it almost broke Spock entirely, but then he remembered that he needed to maintain his composure. Why he was so affected by this event was something he would need to consider in the future, right now he had a mission to complete.

The Commander clenched his fists and Spock knew he was angry. He was preparing himself for the Commander to start shouting. He would probably insult Spock too, reminding him of painful things from his past, like his mother. He was ready. This time he would not lose control. This time he would be strong and let Kirk grieve in his own way, no matter how illogical it may be. He knew Kirk cared deeply for Mister Riley, he was probably blaming him for his death, and Spock could handle it. Once Kirk unloaded all his emotions, he would feel better and he would understand that the decision Spock had made was correct.

Kirk only looked at him with a coldness Spock did not know he could posses.

"I request permission to go to Sickbay, Captain," Kirk said in a tight voice.

"Commander Kirk, if you feel the necessity of grieving –"

"Rule ten, subsection four, paragraph two establishes that any member of the crew who needs medical attention is entitled to get it when he or she requests it. May I go to Sickbay, Captain?"

Even when the words were polite, Kirk's voice was distant, like a strong wall had formed between them in the moment Spock ordered Mister Scott to beam the Commander out.

Spock only nodded, since the words would not come out of his mouth. He was not used to feeling this kind of sadness; it felt almost like he had lost something important. When his mother died, there was a void in Spock. He knew he had to live with it, however, and when he embarked on the five year mission, he thought that this could somehow compensate for the emptiness. As he became close to the Commander, Spock felt the void changing. It was there, and it probably would be there always, but it felt less oppressing, and he was once again able to enjoy small things like games of chess or discussions about cultural differences with Kirk.

When he saw Kirk limping away, refusing to let anyone to help him, Spock knew everything would be different now. He noticed Doctor McCoy heading towards Mister Kirk and hugging him tightly. As McCoy spoke into his communicator, Spock saw that the Commander was crying. He felt the small pang in his stomach again, and when they disappeared, Spock knew for sure.

Their forming friendship was at risk because Spock had made the right decision.

A/N: Action sequences aren't my thing (as you could see), so I apologize for any inconsistencies, I tried very hard that they were minimal. I hope you still enjoyed this chapter, and thank you all for reading; I really appreciate your comments!