The rain cleared up and Rachel decided that they should eat outside. Quinn was happy about Santana's thick sweater as she ate her lasagna in the chilly evening air. She actually felt herself relax a little bit as Sam told some story from his modeling days (evidently, he had quit now) and everyone laughed with him. Maybe it was her third glass of wine. Maybe it was the fact that Puck sat far away from her and the table was big. She barely even heard his voice all dinner.
"I can't believe it's been ten years" Tina sighed.
"I can't believe it hasn't been more" Kurt replied.
Quinn laughed. Yes, it was the wine. It had been a long time since she had been properly drunk, not since college. A glass of wine to Friday night dinner was a tradition, but not having her glass continuously refilled to the brim.
"How old is your kid?" she asked Mike.
Mike had always been kind to her. And they had never dated, never almost gotten married, never had had a baby together. He was safe.
"Three" he replied. "Can't believe it. This is the longest we've ever been away from her."
"I bet" she smiled.
She tried to picture his and Tina's life in Lima, married with a child. That life could have been hers. She could have married Finn if things hadn't played out like they had. Maybe he wouldn't have died then… No, she wouldn't think that. Or she could have married Puck, gotten a job as a secretary somewhere and raised their baby.
"And your kid is twelve" Mike said as if he was reading her mind.
"Not really my kid" she said.
"No, but still" he insisted. "Twelve. Wow."
"I know" Quinn said. "Only four years younger than I was when I had her."
In college she had thought a lot about Beth. It had been Henry's fault. He had poked and prodded that soft spot for years and it had helped. Of course, Henry's professional advice had always been to have joint sessions in therapy with Puck. Quinn had always refused and he dropped it after a while.
"Do you ever see her?" Mike asked.
"No" she replied. "Not really."
"Does he?" Mike went on, meaning Puck.
Quinn angled her face so that she could see Puck in the darkness. He was drinking beer and laughing at something that Artie was saying.
"I don't know" she said honestly.
"Probably not, right?" Mike said. "He wouldn't do it without you."
Quinn smiled sadly.
"We don't have that kind of obligations towards each other" she said. "He can do whatever he wants."
…
They ended up hammered. At least most of them. The guys and Brittany decided to go skinny dipping in the lake. Quinn was glad no one carried her into the water this time. Instead she poured herself yet another glass of wine and leaned back in her chair. Mercedes was telling some story about a guy she had dated. Santana was smoking cigarette after cigarette, making Rachel whine about it affecting her vocal folds. In some ways, it was all the same. And in other ways, it wasn't.
"I should call my mother and ask how Penny is doing" Tina said.
"She's fine" Santana drawled. "Sit down!"
"You don't know what it's like to have a child" Tina argued, but sat down again all the same.
"No, and thank god" Santana exhaled. "Picture me with a kid? Ha!"
"Santana and I are both too dedicated to our work to even think about starting families" Rachel said.
"Yeah, but I make time for dating. You should try it" Santana replied.
"I don't like to see my face all over the tabloids just because I've been to dinner with some celebrity" Rachel pouted.
"Well, we all have different ways of climbing to the top, Berry."
It had been a long time since Rachel and Santana had had a real fight. Now all they did was squabble about who was most famous, a Broadway actress with a limited fan base or an actress whose best merits was that she had once dated Lindsey Lohan for publicit.
"Anyway, I can't believe the monogamy thing" Santana drawled on. "Married, Chang? Jesus. And Quinn, you're no better."
"You say it like it's a sin" Quinn sighed. "It's not a bad thing to want to share your life with someone."
"No, but what about drinking rum on a Wednesday and puking in ttub? What about partying and dating and having one night stands with boys you don't even know the name of?" Santana asked, leaning closer to Quinn, as if this was an interview and Santana was interrogating her.
"I had my crazy teens" Quinn replied. "Remember? Had a baby? Got kicked out? Was depressed? Colored my hair pink? Rings any bells?"
She was drunk. God, she hated talking about those times and now she was doing it as if it didn't matter.
"Yeah, fine" Santana admitted. "But why do you have to be with a man twice your age?"
Quinn sighed loudly. When would people get over Henry?
"I don't know, San. Maybe daddy issues?"
Mercedes laughed. Rachel giggled. Santana smiled and lit another cigarette.
"You were the one who said it" she grinned.
"And you were all thinking it" Quinn said.
"The past messus up all of us" Rachel said, her voice blank again, no smile in her eyes.
Quinn didn't want to think about Finn. She looked out over the water instead. She could see the other's clothes scattered over the beach. She heard laughter.
"I'm going to join them" Santana announced.
"There's easier ways to get naked with Brittany" Quinn said boldly. "Just ask her."
"Fuck off" Santana snapped. "If you didn't have so much pride, you would go with me."
"No, I wouldn't" Quinn snapped back.
"There's easier ways to be with him than fighting" Santana said. "Just talk to him."
…
"Let's swim across the lake" Brittany suggested, jumping up and down in the water to keep warm.
"Nah" he said, crossing his arms across his chest and looked back towards the house.
"I'm sure she's still there" Brittany said, tugging on his arm. "Come on."
"What? Who? Quinn?"
She nodded happily, innocently. Her hair was darkened by the water and the night.
"She'll be there when you come back too. Promise!"
"I wasn't looking for her."
She shrugged and tugged his arm again.
"Let's swim" she begged.
"Aren't you cold?" he asked.
"Yes, that's why we should move around!"
He was shivering. It was cold as hell. Maybe skinny dipping had been a bad idea. The cold water had cleared his head; cleared the beer out of his mind. They both heard a splash and turned around. Santana was wading into the water, making small moans of pain on contact with its coldness.
"Hi!" Brittany called, waving.
"Idiots, it's freezing" Santana yelled.
"You get used to it" Puck lied.
Brittany was still holding on to his arm. He saw Santana eye them suspiciously. As if they had been secretly making out in the lake. Jesus.
"We're going to swim to the other side of the lake. Want to join?" he asked.
"Are you crazy? We'll drown."
"No, we won't" Brittany grinned. "I promise."
Santana rolled her eyes.
"Fine. But if I die, neither of you will inherit anything!"
They began to swim. Shit. It was too cold. Maybe he was too sober to try this. The lake was huge.
"Isn't this your heaven, Puckerman?" Santana drawled. "Alone with two naked girls?"
"I can't believe you're even thinking about that when it's this cold" he muttered back.
"Maybe it's the wrong naked girls?" she asked, feigning innocence.
"Shut up, San."
"Quinn's sadly still too stiff to strip in the lake. But she's on her like tenth glass of wine so who knows."
"Do you want to ask her if she wants to come?" Brittany asked. "We can wait for you."
"No" he replied. "Don't listen to Santana. I want nothing to do with Quinn."
They swam in silence for a while. Puck's legs were cramping with the cold. His arms too. It had been a long time since he had really been swimming. His muscles were unused to the movements.
"It was nice how you went back for her" Brittany told him. "I wouldn't want to be alone in the woods in the rain."
"Me neither" he agreed. "Anyone would have done it."
"The Changs didn't" Santana remarked, panting slightly.
"Well, they're the idiots then" he muttered.
He looked back towards the shore. The light from the house looked ever so inviting. They could hear laughing.
"Fuck. It's too cold. Let's go back" he said.
"We're almost halfway across" Brittany said. "Let's just keep going."
So they kept on. Puck longed to sit on the deck and drink beer. It had been stupid to attempt this swim. Strangely, neither Brittany nor Santana seemed to share this view. Santana wasn't even complaining anymore. They were talking quietly, giggling.
"I can stand on the bottom now!" Brittany announced.
Puck tried. He could too. His chest rose above the water as he stood up. Sadly, the night air felt just as cold as the water. And he had no clothes to put on.
"Shy, Puck?" Santana grinned.
"I've just been in a freezing lake for twenty minutes" he said. "I have a right to be shy."
"Come on" Brittany said, standing on the shore, unashamed of her nakedness. "It's dark. No one will see anything."
"And it's nothing we haven't seen before" Santana added.
The wind was chilly on their wet skin. And they had to go through the woods to get back. Why had he agreed to this? It was the stupidest idea ever.
"I'm beginning to regret this" he said.
Santana and Brittany didn't respond. They were giggling again. He thought that he should give them some privacy but he didn't want to get lost in the dark. Santana and Brittany could kick Quinn out of their bed later if they wanted to make out.
…
The other guys came back, shivering and laughing. Puck, Santana and Brittany didn't. Quinn peered towards the lake. They weren't in the shallow water. She couldn't hear their voices.
"Where's Santana and Brittany?" she asked.
"And Puck" Rachel added.
"I thought they were here with you guys" Sam said, shrugging.
Quinn leaned back against her chair. She wasn't going to worry about them drowning. They were healthy adults. But still, they had been drunk. And the water was cold.
"Go back and look for them" she said to Sam. "Please?"
"They are probably making out somewhere" Artie said. "They've been staring at each other all night."
"What about Puck then?" she said, hating saying his name, hating the look on Rachel's face when she did.
"Maybe he joined them" Kurt said as a joke.
Some laughed. Quinn did not. She poured herself another glass of wine. She begged for someone else to react, to be worried, to search for them. She wasn't going to.
"Maybe Quinn's right" Rachel said, as if she was reading her mind. "Maybe something happened to them."
"Don't worry" Mike said. "I'm sure they're okay. I saw them… getting intimate in the water. I'm sure they are enjoying themselves somewhere."
Quinn swallowed her wine in one gulp. She felt sick. Sick from too much lasagna and too much wine and sick of the image of Brittany, Santana and Puck in a threesome on some sandy beach. She was sick of all of them. Why did they act like they were stuck in High School? Why were they acting like horny teenagers?
"Cheer up, Quinn" Sam said. "I'll kiss you if you want to make him jealous when he comes back."
He smiled sweetly at her. She sighed.
"I have boyfriend, remember?" she said. "I don't need to make anyone jealous."
"A man friend" Rachel giggled.
Quinn rolled her eyes.
"It's cold. Let's go inside" she said, picking up her own plate and stacking Rachel's onto it.
"Are you not worried anymore?" Rachel asked, winking at her.
"They can take responsibility for their own actions."
She craned her neck one more time to look out over the lake. This time she saw them, Santana, Puck and Brittany, stark naked running towards them. She shook her head.
"Guess they didn't die" she said before going inside to wash the dishes.
…
"Hey" he said. "Hey."
Quinn looked up from the kitchen sink where she was washing the plates from dinner. She was still wearing his thick sweater without knowing that it was his. He longed for it. Even though he had showered and dressed, he still felt shivery.
"Hello" she said dispassionately.
"That's my sweater."
She looked down onto her own chest, as if she had forgotten what she was wearing.
"No, it's Santana's."
"Actually, she stole it from me. It's mine."
"Fine. You want it back?"
She dried her hands on a kitchen towel and started to tug at the sleeves in an aggressive way.
"Whatever" he muttered.
"No, wait" she said sarcastically. "Let me give you your ever so important sweater."
She pulled it over her head. He could see five inches of pale skin as she stretched her hands towards the ceiling. He had seen Brittany and Santana totally naked mere minutes earlier but the image of Quinn's lower stomach affected him more.
"Keep it."
"No" she said, shoving it into his chest. "Take it."
"Disgusted with it now that you know it's mine, right?"
"Shut up" she snapped, sticking her hands back into the water to keep washing the stack of plates.
He turned to leave her alone. No one was forcing her to clean dishes in the middle of the night. It could wait until tomorrow. He could have done it. Anyone could have. But no, she had to act the martyr.
"You're a bad friend" she said and he froze.
"What?"
"They've been flirting all day. They could have- I don't know- gotten back together, finally. But no, you have to interfere and turn it all into some gross threesome thing."
Her face had turned pink. She was still the kind of person that got embarrassed when forced to talk explicitly about sex.
"What are you talking about?" he sighed, leaning against the cupboards.
"Brittany and Santana."
"What about them?"
"Mike saw you. He saw you doing… Whatever, it doesn't matter. I just thought you wanted the best for them. I was stupid enough to think that you were going to be considerate and let them figure out their relationship. But instead, you make it even more confusing."
She was talking fast, sounding more and more hysterical for every word. The brush in her hand scrubbed the plates more and more frantically.
"Mike saw nothing" he said calmly. "We had no 'gross, threesome thing'."
"You just hung out with them? Naked?"
"You make it sound like it would be impossible for me to control myself."
"Well…" she said pointedly.
"I don't like them in that way. Jesus. You're fucking paranoid."
She shook her head.
"I wasn't the only one who thought it. We all did. Mike said-"
"You were the only one who got pissed" he interrupted her.
"I'm the only one who cares about Santana."
"Yeah right" he said, shrugging. "You sound jealous to me."
"Fuck off" she snarled.
He grinned, just to piss her off even more.
"Fine. You don't have to curse at me."
He approached her and pressed the shirt back into her wet hands which she automatically pulled out of the dishwater. She glared at him. He glared back. He thought of their unfinished argument under the pine. He thought of the last time he had seen her, eight years ago. Or nine. They had fought then too. He was sick of fighting.
"Go to bed, Quinn" he sighed.
…
She did go to bed and crawled under the comforter on the left side of the double bed she shared with Santana and Brittany. She had almost fallen asleep when she heard them giggle. She heard the sounds of mouths meeting, of teeth clattering together, of hands making their way inside clothes. Immediately, she jumped to her feet. Santana turned her head to look at her. Her face was flushed.
"Were we disturbing you, Q? she asked breathily.
"Please, do carry on" Quinn muttered, leaving the room.
Sure, she had wanted them to rekindle their flame, but did they have to do with her sleeping right next to them? They could have ditched Puck in that lake for all she cared. Silently, Quinn opened the door to the room where Rachel, Mercedes and Tina were sleeping. They were sleeping three in a double bed and there was no room for her. She closed the door again. She had no other choice then to step into the third bedroom in which Puck, Mike and Sam slept. Sam was on a tiny, inflatable mattress. There was absolutely no room for her there.
"Mike" she hissed. "Mike?"
His bed was a little bit wider and he was thin. They could fit onto it and it would be safe. Mike was married. It would mean nothing.
"What?" he mumbled, opening his eyes.
"Can I share your bed?"
He sat up and squinted at her. He wasn't wearing a shirt. Why did guys always insist on sleeping shirtless? She was in a big Yale t-shirt and a pair of soft shorts.
"It's a pretty narrow bed, Quinn" he said kindly.
"I have nowhere else to go" she whined. "Santana and Brittany are making out all over our bed."
"Look, Quinn-"he continued.
"His wife wouldn't like it" Puck said from the twin bed next to Mike's. "He's just too polite to tell you that."
"Fine. I'll sleep on the couch" she muttered.
"Don't be an idiot" Puck told her.
His voice was raspy even though he hadn't slept for more than an hour at most. He sat up in his bed too. The bed linen was pink with white roses. There was probably no pattern in world that suited him less but he didn't seem to care. He scooted over and held up the comforter.
"Don't touch me" she warned him.
"I'll do my best" he swore.
The bed was warm and for the first time all night, she felt her muscles relax. She immediately clenched them again. She had sworn to avoid him. This was not avoiding.
"What's happenin'?" Sam asked, stretching his arms out. "Is it morning?"
"Nah, Sammy" Puck said. "Quinn's just going to sleep here with us."
She could feel his warm breath on the back of her neck when he spoke. He was that close. Why didn't the Berrys have more double beds?
"Nice bed linen" she muttered.
"I know" he said. "I picked this bed specifically for the pattern. You know how much I love roses."
"Very manly" she noted.
"I'm secure enough about my manhood."
She lay on the very edge of the bed. One more inch to the left and she would fall out of it. And one more inch to the right and her whole body would be touching his.
"Been a long time since you two slept together, huh?" Sam asked.
Quinn couldn't see his face but she would bet her life on that he had raised one eyebrow and was grinning stupidly.
"In both senses of the word, yes" Puck said.
He was acting very cavalier about this. Why didn't he feel the need to tighten every muscle in his body? Quinn worried what would happen when she fell asleep.
"Hey. What are you all doing?" Tina asked from the door way. "You woke me up."
"Quinn needed somewhere to sleep" Mike explained. "Sorry."
"It's fine" she smiled, coming into the room. "I didn't sleep well anyway. I'm not used to not sleeping next to you."
She leaned down and kissed her husband's mouth. Quinn closed her eyes. She didn't feel like looking at their perfect love. She thought of the fact that she hadn't even thought about if it would be difficult to sleep without Henry. She had spent almost every night during college alone in her dorm room and even when they began to live together, she had gone to bed much later than Henry almost every night since she had been in law school and the hours of the day had always seemed too few.
"You won't be able to fall asleep if you're that tense" Puck said quietly.
The others were talking about something else. He was speaking only to her.
"I'll be fine" she replied.
"I know this is weird-"
"It's not" she said, too quickly. "We're friends, right?"
"No, not really" he said.
"I guess not."
The both fell silent and listened to the others talking. Mercedes and Rachel had woken up too and came into the room to talk. They all sat in their underwear or pajamas and laughed and talked. Quinn lay silently with Puck's breath on her neck.
…
Rachel was telling some story from Broadway again. Puck had had a hard time listening. He was trying so hard not to seem bothered by the fact that Quinn was in his bed, mere inches from him. He could touch her by just extending a hand or shifting a leg. But she hadn't wanted him to. She had explicitly told him so. She smelled nice. He wondered how he smelled. Like lake water? Like sweat? Like toothpaste?
"Won't your girlfriend be bothered by this?" Quinn asked him.
She had her back against him so he couldn't see her face.
"Not as bothered as she would have been as if I would have had that threesome with the lesbian couple" she replied.
She snorted and rolled over onto her other side. Now she was facing him. She didn't look sleepy at all. It was three in the morning and she looked as awake as ever. He was too, he realized.
"I didn't really think that" she said.
"Right."
Sam was standing on top of his bed now, playing air guitar and singing loudly to the new Miley Cyrus song. Quinn giggled at it.
"She's not my girlfriend though" Puck said and she turned her face back to him. "I guess that was what you wanted me to say."
"It wasn't. I was just asking."
"Won't Henry mind?"
"He's not the jealous type."
"What if you told him that you spent the night with the father of your only child?"
She smiled sweetly.
"He would probably ask us to go to therapy together to work out our teenage trauma."
"And if you told him that you were sleeping next to the guy who had a picture of you in his uniform in his pocket, day and night, during the time he served?"
She blinked.
"Did you?"
"Of course I did. What if Henry knew that you were this close to the guy that you would probably still be with if he hadn't gone back into the air force and you hadn't been so damn stubborn?"
She blinked again. He realized he had forgotten to breathe. Mercedes had joined Sam on his bed. They were singing a duet. Everyone was clapping their hands and cheering. Everyone but Santana and Brittany who were still in their bedroom. And everyone but Quinn and Puck.
"He trusts me" she replied finally.
"Alright" he said. "Alright."
"We wouldn't still be together even if none of that had happened."
"Why would we have broken up?" he asked.
He stared into her eyes. She said nothing. He said nothing. Mercedes did a song from her first album for old time's sake. Rachel joined in because she was Rachel and nothing could stop her from performing. Puck looked at Quinn and waited for her excuse but nothing came. She was quiet and stayed that way until both of them finally fell asleep.
…