She made a vow to stay away from him during lunch. They needed space to cool down, to reconsider their motives, to calm down. Therefore, she chose a place between Mercedes and Tina at the table. She ordered food and tried to converse with them about normal things. But she was always listening for his voice. She could hear it through the noise of clanking plates and high pitched laughing. It was like he spoke at a frequency she could always hear.

"Hey" Mercedes said, tapping her shoulder lightly. "Are you okay?"

Quinn looked down at her untouched meal. She was impossibly exhausted.

"Tired" she replied. "I'm going to wash my face."

She stood up and walked into the bathroom. Her reflection was almost startlingly pale. She had a hickey on her neck and covered it with her hand. She hoped no one had seen it and released her hair from her pony tail in order to hide it. She was going mad. It was the only explanation. And she did what she always did when she doubting her own sanity, she called Henry.

"Hello?"
"You picked up" she said.

"Yes" Henry said smoothly. "I guess I did."

She felt a feeling of relief at the sound of his voice. He was so important to her. He was safety and kindness and companionship. He was her anchor. How could she have done this to him?
"How are you?"
"Are you calling to ask me how I am?"
She leaned her head against the bathroom door. Through it, she could still hear her friends laughing. She hoped that none of them needed to use the toilet.

"Is that a bad thing?" she asked.

"I told you not to call me" he said. "I said that we should talk when you get home."
"What if that is too late?" she asked quietly.

He was quiet for a few seconds. She could hear his breathing and held her own breath as she waited.

"It's nothing shameful in being confused" he said finally.

"What if I do something stupid?"
She didn't say that she already had.

"You're only human" Henry told her. "You're… young. You need to be able to forgive yourself."
"Will you be able to forgive me?" she asked.

He was quiet again.

"If I don't know what you are doing, I won't have anything to forgive" he said.

She wanted to tell him that he had nothing to worry about, but she couldn't. She couldn't lie to him about that. And her heart beat hard in her chest.

"You and I…" she began. "We are special."

"I know" he said and finally his voice was a little softer. "I know."

"I'm confused… I think that… When I get home, things will go back to normal."
He chuckled.

"I'm counting on that" he told her. "I'm counting on our life to proceed as before."
"It will" she swore. "It's just-"
"Don't tell me" Henry interrupted her. "I don't want to know."

Someone knocked on the bathroom door.

"Quinn? Are you okay?" Mercedes asked.

"Yes" she called back.

"You should get back to your friends" Henry said.

"Yes" Quinn said again. "I'll see you soon. Okay?"

"Okay" he echoed before she hung up.

…

He could tell that she was staying away from him so he did the same. She had always been like this, hot and cold, in a way that wasn't designed to drive him mad, but still did. He should be used to it, but he wasn't. It was like he was experiencing her as for the first time. He never learned and she never changed.

"Let it go" Santana said.

They sat in his car again, listening to the only radio station that was stable enough out here. Santana had her feet on the dashboard. Puck had titled his seat back as far as he could.

"I will never be able to understand how she can kiss me like that one minute and the next…"

"She's Quinn Fabray" Santana said simply. "We should all try to accept it."

"I guess she feels guilty, even though she said that didn't."
"Probably."
The radio was playing a soft rock song that Puck couldn't remember the name of but reminded him of High School. Then again, everything here reminded him of High School.

"What does he have that I don't?" he asked.

Santana groaned loudly.

"You didn't just say that…"

"I guess I did" Puck said, shrugging.

"You are everything that he is, don't you get it?" Santana told him. "He is safe and boring and whatever. She knows what she gets with him, thirty more years in that apartment before he dies. You, however, with you, she has no idea what she will get."
"Yes, she does" he said sardonically. "Heart break."

"You don't have the best track record."
"No" he agreed. "We don't."

"So you're saying that you love her now?" Santana challenged him.

"No" he said quickly. "I'm not saying that."

"But you do?"
He scratched the back of his neck even though he had no itch. He just had to do something with his hands.

"I didn't leave for the Air Force because I didn't love her."
"I never said that you did."

"She does."
Santana mockingly put her hands in front of her mouth.

"Am I finally getting the reason for your fight? You leaving after Finn died?"
"Yeah."

"And why are you pissed at her?" Santana asked before correcting herself. "Sorry, was pissed at her."

He gave her a look.

"I came back to her and she was already with him."
"Henry?"
"Yeah."

"You thought that she would chastely wait for you?"

"I did for her."
Santana laughed.

"You were in the army, Puck. You had no choice."
He clenched his teeth. He wanted to tell her about how much he thought of Quinn that year. How she had been the only thing that kept him going when things were rough or boring or exhausting. The other guys had mocked him for it, for her, how he kept her picture close at all times. But he didn't tell Santana that. It was too personal.

"Be realistic" Santana said, almost kindly. "She is never going to leave her little life for you."
"I know" he said and he knew.

"And would you drop your entire life for her?"
"Maybe not."

"Just let it go, okay? It's only a few days left until you both go home. You can go back to Candy or whatever-"

"Cindy."

"What?"
"Her name is Cindy."

Santana rolled her eyes.

"Fine. You can go back to Cindy and live out your life."

Puck nodded. The song was ending. He wondered what Quinn was doing. He didn't want to wonder but he did. He tried to think of Cindy but couldn't even force himself into doing so.

"Yeah" he said. "But what kind of life is that?"

…

He was making it easy to ignore him by ignoring her back but she wasn't feeling thankful. Instead, she clamped her jaw shut and didn't really talk to anyone. Luckily, she had her exhaustion to blame for it in front of the others. She shook her head when the others took a few beers in the afternoon sun. She stayed on the deck when they took a swim. The air was hot and she was sweaty but she didn't feel like joining in. Not because she felt like they were acting like children, but because she wished that she did. It had been simpler when she had been New York Quinn through and through. Henry's Quinn. Even though she wasn't the kind of person who called herself someone's property.

"Come on, Quinn" Sam called from the water. "Do I have to come and throw you in again?"
She shook her head.

"If you do, I will kill you."

He just grinned. She thought of what Puck had said about Sam loving her. It wasn't terribly hard to believe. He looked at her too often and smiled at her and wanted her attention. She felt annoyed with him. He didn't love her, not really. She could bet all her savings on that he hadn't even thought about her until they reunited. He liked the image of her. Of whom she had used to be. Of how she looked. He was sweet, she wasn't. They had always been a terrible couple.

"I need you on my team" he called at her.

They were playing that ridiculous wrestling again. Brittany was already perched on Puck's shoulders. Something tasted bad in Quinn's mouth as she watched them. She wasn't like Sam. She wasn't a puppy love kind of person. She was realistic. She knew that things weren't like the movies, the hand-holding and staring into each other's eyes and flutters in the stomach even after ten years. Love was hard work. Love was respect and… Her thoughts were interrupted by a scream and every muscle in her body tensed. Puck's scream.

"Shit" she heard Sam shout. "It's his shoulder."

Puck didn't scream again. He held his shoulder but it was too far away for her to see what had happened. She stood up. The others had gathered around him. She couldn't see him anymore. He was standing up. It couldn't be that bad. It wasn't like he was dying. After a minute or two, he walked up the sandy bank, supported by Sam and Mike. She had never seen him that pale. It scared her more than the shout of pain.

"What's going on?" she asked and hated how much her voice shook.

"It's his shoulder" Brittany said. "It looks…"

And Quinn saw. Puck's shoulder looked wrong. Dislocated. She had been a cheerleader for enough years to recognize one when she saw it. Shit. Idiots.

"We have to go to the emergency room" she said, wondering why no one else had already said it.

They were all standing around him, quiet and scared.

"We can take my car" Puck said.

His voice was low and constricted. Pain. Pain was another sign of a dislocated shoulder.

"Where's the hospital?" Sam asked. "Is it far away?"

"An hour" Rachel said.

Quinn could see Puck close his eyes, as if to gather strength.

"Go now" she said.

"We've all been drinking" Tina interjected.

It was Quinn's turn to close her eyes.

"I haven't" she said. "I'll drive. But someone has to read me the map."

"I'll come" Sam volunteered.

She nodded, hoping it had nothing to do with his hypothetical crush on her.

"Come on" Quinn said. "We're leaving now."

Someone handed him the keys to Puck's car. She hadn't driven a car in a long time, not since she had moved to Yale. And she hadn't driven a stick shift car since she had driven Puck's old car back in High School. But she didn't feel scared now. Or tired. She felt alert.

"Don't pass out" she told Puck.

He smiled a smile that so tiny that she could barely see it.

"It's just an hour, right?" he said.

"Forty-five minutes" she promised.

But it took longer than she had hoped. At every bend and every curve, she could hear him wincing in the back seat. She had to be careful and shift softly. When she looked in the rearview mirror, she could see him growing paler and paler.

"Puck" she said when his eyes looked like they were glancing over. "Still with us?"

"Mm."
"Only a few minutes left, okay?"

"You're just saying that."

She was but she what else was she supposed to say?

"We're close, right, Sam?" she urged.

Sam swallowed too loudly.

"Sure" he said.

He had always been a terrible liar.

…

She dropped them off outside the entrance to emergency room. Sam was supporting most of Puck's body weight as she drove off to find a parking space. Her head was pounding and she realized that she had clenched her teeth tightly together. Her neck was tense too. She tried to exhale but the breath was caught in her throat. It wasn't like he was going to die, she told herself. He had just been stupid enough to play that idiotic game and hurt his shoulder. He was in pain, sure, but it wasn't that serious. She tried to exhale again and this time it worked better. Her hands weren't even shaking that much as she locked the car and headed for entrance.

"Where is he?" she asked Sam who sat on a plastic chair, texting on his phone.

"He was taken in by a nurse" he replied.

"And you didn't go with him?"
"He's a big boy, Quinn."

She sat down next to him. She could see over his shoulder that he was texting Mike that they were at the hospital. She hadn't even thought of the others.

"What did the nurse say?" she asked.

Sam looked up at her.

"I don't know. She saw that he was pale and asked if he was in pain and then led him away."

She wanted to ask again why Sam hadn't followed but then again, maybe you weren't supposed to do that? Maybe only close family were allowed.

"So now we wait?" she asked.

"I guess."

She picked up her phone from her purse. Her boss had called once. She didn't feel like getting yelled at right now so she didn't call him back. That was a first for her.

"Lucky that you didn't drink any beer" Sam told her.

"Yeah."

She thought of the fact that he loved her. No, that he thought that he did and again felt annoyance towards him. It wasn't his fault but still.

"How do you feel about going back to New York?" he asked.

How could he think about normal things right now?

"Feels like I've been away for ages" she said. "How about you? How do you feel about returning to your real life?"

He shrugged.

"I guess it'll feel lonely after spending all this time together with you guys."
She nodded. And New York would probably feel stuffy after days and days by the lake. But she also longed for peace and quiet. For normalcy. For being able to control her own emotions.

"We shouldn't wait for our twentieth High School reunion to meet up again" he said.

"No, we shouldn't."

"I mean, I've been meaning to go back to New York for ages…"

He trailed off as a nurse came up to them. He smiled soothingly as Quinn's hands clenched together.

"Noah's asking for you" he said.

"Both of us?" Quinn asked.

"He asked for Quinn."
Quinn could hear Sam sigh and chuckle joylessly next to her. She smiled like it didn't mean anything.

"Okay" she said. "Where should I go?"

…

The pain was ebbing away as the morphine (or whatever it was) was pumped into his bloodstream. The world stopped spinning. And she came into his room, followed by the nurse and the doctor who would be the one to pull his shoulder back to its original positon.

"Hi" he said.

"Hi" she replied. "How are you?"

"Better now."

"Good."
She stood close to him but didn't touch him. She had made it perfectly clear that she felt bad or regretted the kisses and still she stood by his side. That must mean something.

"They're going to make it hurt even more" he said, gesturing towards the doctor and the nurse with his good arm.

"I guessed as much" she said. "But then it'll be better."

"A little pain for the greater good, you mean?" he asked.

She actually smiled. God, she was beautiful. It wasn't just the drugs making him think that. It wasn't just the painkillers that made him heart ache for her. Was it love? No, he wouldn't go that far. Not even now.

"You have to sit still" the doctor told him.

"Okay" he said. "Will I scream?"

"Possibly" the doctor replied.

"You can leave if you want" Puck told Quinn. "You can come back later."
She shook her hand.

"I think I screamed a bit during labor and you stayed the entire time."

"That was different."
"Yeah" she agreed. "But still. I'll even hold your hand if you want."

She held out hers like it was the most normal thing in the world. He took it. Her hand was tiny and dry and they had never been the hand-holding type but this felt nice.

"Ready?" the doctor asked, placing his hands on Puck's arm.

"Sure."
And he pulled. And Puck did scream. And Quinn squeezed his hand. But then the pain was over and he was allowed to lie down again.

"More morphine, please?" he asked the nurse who only smiled.

"More and you'll regret the things you'll say to this lovely lady."

He left the room and they were the only ones left. His eyelids felt heavier now. The adrenaline seemed to have left with most of the pain.

"You shouldn't have played that stupid game" she said.

"It was fun."
"Yeah, well. Things can't always be fun."
"Why not?"

He was still holding her hand. She wasn't pulling it away but she wasn't really looking at him anymore either.

"Does it hurt now?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Why can't things always be fun, Quinn? Why can't you just follow your gut and do what you feel like?"

She swallowed. He wanted to declare his love her, there and then, but even in this state, he knew that would make her leave. And he desperately wanted her to stay. Forever.

"Remember when we did something that was fun and careless?" she asked. "Remember when nine months later I had to scream much worse than you just did when I give birth to Beth?"

"Yeah, but we had fun making her."
She rolled her eyes at him.

"Be serious."

"I can't, I'm high."
She sat down on the edge of his bed. There was no chair in the room so it was basically the only place to sit. But still. Everything was like that with them right now. But still.

"Do you know what my gut tells me?" he asked her.

"No" she replied.

"That you and I should be together. For real. Like buy a house and get married and love each other for all eternity"

"You're right" she said. "You are high."
She pulled her hand away. He was too weak to hold on.

"Can you honestly that the thought hasn't crossed your mind?"

"Puck, we haven't spoken in ten years."

"I'm not saying that we should go to the courthouse tomorrow. I just mean… I just don't want to you to go back to him."

His voice broke on the last syllable. He felt exhausted and sleepy but tried to hold on to reality for few more minutes.

"I love him" she said.

"But don't you love me too?"
She leaned in and kissed him. It wasn't really an answer but felt like one anyway.

…

She watched him sleep for a long time before she realized that she probably go back and tell Sam what was going on. Sam was dozing too, his head tilted against the white wall and his mouth open. She shook his shoulder carefully and he opened his eyes.

"Hey" she said. "He's asleep now. Drugged."

Sam rubbed his eyes.

"He's staying the night?"
"I guess so. I don't think anyone would be able to wake him up at this point."

Sam checked his phone.

"Mike and Rachel are on their way."

"Tell them to go back" Quinn said. "There's nothing they can do right now."

"They're almost here."

Quinn sat down on the plastic chair again. She should let Rachel take charge of this situation. She would find Puck's doctor and talk about physical therapy and recovery rates and everything. But Quinn didn't want her to. She didn't want Mike or Rachel to join them. And she didn't really know why.

"You should go back with them" she told Sam.

"And you'll stay with him?"
She opened his mouth to answer as Mike and Rachel entered the emergency room waiting room. She waved at them.

"He's asleep" she told them.

"You've seen him?" Mike asked.

"Yeah" she replied. "They had to pull his shoulder back into position and it seemed to hurt like hell, but they pumped him full of painkillers and now he's out."
"Quinn thinks that we should go home and leave her here" Sam said.

His voice was hard. Annoyed. He got the reaction he wanted when Rachel stared at Quinn with wide eyes.

"I thought you two were fighting" she said.

"Well, not anymore, it seems" Sam said.

"It's pointless for all of us to be here when he's asleep anyway" Quinn said, pleading for Mike and his rationality.

But Mike said nothing. He looked at Rachel as waiting for her judgment.

"Why can't Mike stay?" she asked. "Or Sam? Or me?"
In contrast to Sam, her voice wasn't hard. It was smooth and soft and coaxing. She smiled. Quinn shook her head.

"He asked for me" she said simply.

"You didn't get much sleep last night, Quinn" Mike said. "Isn't it better that you go home and sleep for a few hours?"
They were all watching her now. Sam looked accusing, Mike calm and Rachel excited. She hated all of their reactions equally.

"Just let me stay, okay?" she said, mostly to Rachel. "I just… need to."
Rachel nodded.

"Okay. But I'll stay with you. The boys can go home."
Quinn nodded too.

"Okay."

Sam looked like was going to protest but Rachel interrupted him.

"Mike only had like two beers so he can drive. Don't worry about that, Sam" she said and smiled sweetly, like she had actually thought that he was worried about drunk driving.

"Whatever" Sam said.

They left.

"Go back to him" Rachel said. "You know you want to."

"What about you?"
"I'll read a magazine or something."
"You sure?"
"Yes" Rachel nodded. "One hundred percent."

Quinn left the waiting room and walked back to Puck's room. He was still asleep. The room was dark now, someone had turned off the lights. She looked for the eighth time for some kind of chair to sit in but there wasn't one. The exhaustion from earlier was coming back and sleeping looked so good. In the end, she lay down next to him on the narrow hospital bed and fell asleep to the sound of his breathing.

…

"You're still here" he said, waking her up.

Her body felt stiff after cramming on the little part of the bed that wasn't filled by him and avoiding his bad shoulder.

"Yeah" she said. "I was tired."
"Me too."
"How are you feeling now?" she asked, sitting up.

"Less pain and less drugged."
"Good."

The clock on the wall told her that it was five in the morning. They had been asleep for hours. Poor Rachel. And still, Quinn didn't go out to see how she was doing. She stayed on the bed next to him.

"The last thing I remember from last night is you kissing me."
"That must have been a drug induced fantasy" she said.

"Are you sure?" he asked, raising one of his eyebrows. "I can remember the feel of your lips against mine so clearly."
She rolled her eyes.

"Maybe I felt sorry for you."
"Maybe" he said.

"Or maybe, I was just trying to make you shut up."

"Also a possibility."
She helped him sit up.

"Are you hungry?" she asked. "I'll find you some food."
As she stood up, he grabbed her wrist.

"No, stay."

"I'm coming back" she promised.

"Alright."

She found Rachel, awake and listening to music on her iPod. She pulled out the earphones as she spotted Quinn.

"How is he?" she asked.

"Better, I think" Quinn replied. "Have you been awake all night?"
"Mostly."

"You should go home. Take the car and come back for us later."
"I can't drive Puck's car, Quinn. I've never driven stick in my life."
Quinn smiled.

"You can and see him if you like" she said. "He's in B23."

"Where are you going?"

"To get him some breakfast."

"Okay. I'll see you back there."
Quinn went through some corridors until she found a nurses' station where she asked for some food for Noah Puckerman. The nurse nodded and promised to bring it out as soon as they got the breakfast delivered. When Quinn came to the B23, Puck was asleep again and Rachel sat on the foot of his bed.

"He wasn't awake long" she noted.

Rachel grinned.

"Must be all those drugs."

"Yeah."

Quinn sat down on the floor. She didn't want to cram another person onto that tiny bed and this was a hospital right? Everything had to be sterile.

"You can stop grinning now, Rachel" she said. "This doesn't mean that I will marry him or anything."

"I didn't say anything" Rachel said, innocently, but kept grinning smugly.

"I'm still with Henry and-"
"Are you trying to convince yourself or me?"

Quinn rolled her eyes. It was both too early and too late for Therapy With Rachel Berry.

"Why do you even want us to be together?" she asked. "Why him?"

"Well, you have all this history" Rachel began.

"I have history with a lot of people. With Sam. And even more with Henry."

"I'm not done" Rachel continued. "I just think… I just think that you are good together. That you are at your best when you're with each other. The funniest and the nicest and the happiest."

"I was miserable for most of the time we were together in High School."
"No, you weren't. Not all the time."

"We fought so much."

"Did you? I remember all those times when you two sat in the back of the choir room and just were silent and calm and I wished to have what you had."

Quinn moved her gaze from Rachel to Puck. He was wearing hospital clothes in the softest material possible. He hadn't shaved in a few days and his skin was tan against the stark white sheets. She could remember the good times too. When she had considered keeping the baby because being with him just felt so right. And she remembered senior year when he had managed to pass his final test and hugged her so tight it almost hurt but only almost. She remembered holding his hand and crying when Finn died, kissing away his salty tears even though she at the same time was dampening his face with her own. But he had left. And she had moved on.

"Maybe if things had been different" she said.

"Maybe if you had been braver" Rachel responded.

Quinn gave her a look.

"It's not brave to be stupid" she said.

"Would it really be stupid to be with him?" Rachel countered.

Luckily they were interrupted by a nurse who had brought breakfast for the man who was fast asleep.