After a few hours they were finally allowed to leave. Puck had a small box of pills and a set of rehab exercises with him as he clambered into the passenger seat of his own car. He didn't even remember Quinn dropping him and Sam off less than 24 hours ago. It was all a blur. Quinn was in the driver's seat again since his arm wasn't really functional and Rachel refused to drive.

"What have we learned from all this?" Quinn asked, as she reversed out of the parking spot.

"That one person should always remain sober?" he guessed jovially.

"No, that you're too old to play stupid games."

He grinned at her.

"Did I scare you, Q?" he asked. "Did you stand over my lifeless body and realize that you have loved me all along?"

Rachel made some kind of noise from the backseat. A yelp of glee, maybe.

"It wasn't a heart attack, Puck" Quinn replied. "It wasn't like you were hovering between life and death."

"What about that kiss then?"

Rachel yelped again. Quinn gave him a look. Not an ashamed look or an angry look, more like a "do we have to do this in front of her?"-look. He kept grinning. Talking about their feelings for each other in front of others made it all seem more real and less dramatic. Like it was almost a joke, but not really. Or not at all.

"I told you. That was all in your own head. The drugs probably" she said nonchalantly.

"Still, you stayed the night. Even though I have never seen a more exhausted person in my life."

"Thanks" she said sourly.

"You kind of said that you loved me" he reminded her. "Remember? I asked you and you kissed me in response."
"I love a lot of people" she shrugged. "I love you, Rachel. And I love Santana. And Sam…"
"Don't" Puck interrupted her. "Don't say that."
It was her turn to grin at him. He pretended like it hurt when she talked about Sam. Really, it didn't. Sam wasn't really the problem, but it was easier to pretend that he was instead of bringing up Henry.

"You're just going to go back to before?" he asked. "You hating me for leaving? Me hating you for hooking up with someone else?"

She pretended to think it over.

"Nah" she said. "I think I've forgiven you."

"Really?"

"Sure. What about you?"
He shrugged, as if he hadn't thought it over. However cryptic and pointless this little game was, he liked it.

"Fine. I'll forgive you too."

"Friends, then?" she asked.

He nodded. And she gave him a look. A look that was more cryptic than their game and still more honest than anything she had said all day. He was sure of it now. She wanted him too. That look was so full of… feelings. He tried not to smile and instead think of how she could turn cold again within a minute. But he was terrible at being a realist.

"You two are acting ridiculous" Rachel said from the backseat.

"What did you say?" Puck said, pretending that he hadn't heard her.

"The love that you share, it's real and-"
Quinn raised the volume on the radio. Pink or whoever it was screamed something out of the speaker and drowned Rachel out. He could hear muttering something else about childish but then all he heard was angry pop music and it filled him and the road was bare in front of them and he wished that he could stay in this car forever and ever.

…

He stood and watched her sleeping figure. He was supposed to wake her up from her afternoon nap and tell her that dinner was going to be ready in half an hour, but he just stood there and watched her. God, he was in bad. Again. It had been easier to hate her. It would have been easier if he would have been able to hate her.

"Quinn" he said softly. "Quinn, wake up."

She stirred in her sleep. He sat down on the edge of the bed and shook her lightly. He could see the mark of a kiss on her neck. One of his marks.

"Wake up" he repeated.

Her eyes opened an inch. She seemed to take him in as she squinted through heavy eyelids.

"Five more minutes?" she asked.

"Yeah, sure" he said. "But dinner's in a little while."
"Okay."

He stood up again, but she extended a hand and took hold of his wrist.

"Puck."

He turned to look down at her again. Her hair was tousled all over the pillow. He wanted to smell it, to take in the scent of her, so that he could remember it when they again were parted. She sat up in bed and dragged him down too. They sat closely together. He wanted to touch her, feel her, but sat stiffly next to her. She kissed him, a soft and tender kiss.

"Let's forget about the world for a little while" she said. "Let's forget about distance and factors and-"
"Partners" he filled in.

"Yes" she said. "Can we please forget about that? We only have two days left. Two days of denial. That's not too bad, right?"
He could never say no to her. He didn't want to. He wanted to be with her, even if it only was for two days, forty-eight hours. And he knew that leaving her again would hurt like hell, worse than a dislocated shoulder, if he let himself be with her but right now it was worth it.

"But you have to tell me one thing first" he said.

"Okay."
"Tell me that you love me."
"Puck-"
"I know that you love him too. I don't care. I just want you to say it. Once."
She swallowed but looked calm. Maybe it was the sleepiness.

"Of course I love you" she whispered. "You know that."

"I can never be sure with you" he said honestly.

"Yes, you can" she whispered.

She kissed him again. He cupped the back of head in one hand and placed the other on her hip. He could tell that she hadn't shouldered for a while but he liked the smell of sweat and sleep on her skin. He liked the way she looked like she didn't care how she looked. He liked how that contrasted to the Quinn in a pencil skirt and high heels.

"Can't we sleep for a few more minutes?" she asked.

"Rachel will kill you."

"Just a few."

She lay down again and he followed, lying down next to her, as close as he could, with her back against his stomach, resting his weight on his good side. He was tired too but the thought of him falling asleep was absurd. Not now. He didn't want to waste any of the precious time they had left. He wanted to talk to her and kiss her and take long walks with her and hell, have sex with her. But she wanted to sleep so he let her. For a few minutes, at least.

…

She ate dinner with his hand on her knee. It was like he couldn't bear not to touch her, even for a minute. It moved her and scared her. Passion was a dangerous thing. Her own feelings were one thing; his were another. She could hurt herself, she was used to that, but hurting him felt unbearable. But still, she covered his hand with her own, holding it fast and making herself eat with only one hand.

"Should we talk about the elephant in the room?" Tina asked.

She looked at them with the disdain that only a happily married woman could. Quinn averted her eyes but didn't let go of his hand.

"Let's not."
"I don't think it's fair to your partner…"

"Leave it, Tina" Santana said.

"As a wife-"

"Please" Quinn said.

"No, listen to her" Sam said. "She has a point."
Quinn crossed her arms. It was her most defensive pose.

"I'm not going to sit here and watch you two hold hands when I know that at least one of you is in a committed relationship" Tina said.

The sun was setting and Quinn felt cold. She shuddered. It wasn't like she hadn't been thinking the same thing. She was a realistic person. She just, had chosen to ignore it for a little while. She had just wanted to be careless for 48 hours.

"It's their lives" Santana said. "Let them handle it."
"If your girlfriend, Santana, had been holding hands with someone who wasn't you. Wouldn't you have wanted someone to intervene?"
"We're all grownups here. Let them deal with it. Okay?"
Quinn should have felt grateful towards Santana but all she felt was shame. She hated shame. It reminded her for being pregnant, of feeling the looks of disdain as she walked down the hallway.

"Let's change the subject" Mike suggested carefully.

Tina stood up hastily.

"You're acting like children" she told them. "And we're not anymore. We're adults. The things we do have consequences."

"We know" Puck said calmly, much more calmly than Quinn felt.

"You two… You two should know this. You should know that passion and thoughtlessness can bring. You two if anyone."
There it was again, the shame. It had been years, more than a decade, and still Quinn felt it. She could never escape it. One mistake and it still burned.

"I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable, Tina" Puck said softly. "I'm sorry. But this has nothing to do with you or your marriage. I swear."

All through this, his hand was still on her knee. She had removed her hand and everyone was looking at him, but he wouldn't budge.

"I'm ashamed of you" Tina blurted out and stormed off.

Mike stood up, looking uncomfortable and followed her. Everyone else sat, immobile and looked at each other.

"Well, it wouldn't have been a reunion without a fight, right?" Puck said, lightly.

"Or without two people making out even though they shouldn't" Santana agreed.

Quinn wanted to be able to laugh it off too, but she couldn't. She cared too much. That had always been her problem.

…

He pressed his lips against her ear. She angled her face so that the next kiss ended up on her lips. Every kiss seemed to mend her, to chase away the feeling of raw shame.

"They're right, you know" she said.

"Yes, I know."

"You do?"

"Yes, I just don't care right now."
She kissed him again. The kisses should make her feel worse but made her feel better. Everything was upside down here.

"I don't want to feel bad about being with you" she said.

"Then don't."
"Thanks" she said tersely.

"It's two days, Quinn. Even less now."

"I'm not going to sleep with you."
"Okay."

"Okay?"

"I don't want you to feel bad either."
She let him kiss her. Her mouth and her cheeks and her collarbone. They sat on the sandy bank as the others did the dishes or played the guitar or fought with their spouse.

"I like to think that this is the entire world" she said. "This tiny stretch of land. You and me and the others. That nothing exists outside."

"What you do mean?" he grinned. "Are there other people in the world?"
"Not right now."

She leaned her head against his good shoulder. His injured one was in an ugly sling. She wondered how he would be able to drive the whole way home but she didn't want to talk about going home.

"Do you think our lives would be different if Finn hadn't died?" she asked.

"Yes" he said.

"What do you think would have happened?"
"I think-" he began. "I think that we would have gotten married just out of high school. You would have dropped out of Yale and had three more of our kids. By now, we would have divorced out of boredom."
She laughed.

"Out of boredom? We have a lot of faults, but boring?"
"We would have become Tina and Mike."
"I thought that you said that you would have stopped me from becoming like her?"
He shrugged which seemed to hurt. He grimaced. She kissed him, as if her kisses would cure his pain as much as his saved her from the feelings of shame. He kissed her back, hungrily, just like the other night when they had almost had sex. It was soothing in the light of everything how much he wanted her.

"I'm not going to feel bad about this tomorrow" she vowed.

"Good."

"How come she didn't get to you?" she asked. "Tina, I mean."

"I don't think I can feel bad right now" he replied. "I think it's impossible."
"Because of the pain pills?"

"No, because of you."

They sat on the beach until it got too cold and her shoulders shook with shivers. She slept in his bed that night, as close to him she could without touching his bad shoulder. No one said anything about it. No jokes or comments. Quinn was thankful for it.

…

Puck wasn't being deluded. He knew that he loved her more than she loved him. He knew that he was willing to give up everything for her and that she wasn't ready to the same for him. He hadn't forgotten about Henry, about their past failures, about the distance between their homes. He knew that this would last two more days and then they would go back to their normal lives. But when she slept next to him, it was difficult to keep his mind straight. If she woke up right now, he would tell her his plan to move to New York and be with her. He would tell her about their future wedding, their future children, of them dying next to each other in some retirement home. It was lucky that she slept or he would ruin their last two days.

"Puck" someone hissed from the door. "Puck!"
He recognized Santana's voice and contemplated faking sleep, but she had already made her way over to his bed and tapped his shoulder.

"What?" he hissed.

"I need to talk to you."
"I'm sleeping."
"No, you're not. Come on."

He untangled himself from Quinn, found his ugly shoulder brace under the bed and followed Santana down the stairs. It was early, maybe six or seven in the morning. He strayed off to the coffee maker and turned it on.

"Puck-" she began.

"Don't" he interrupted her. "Don't. Please."

"I'm just trying to help you."
"I thought you approved" he sighed, finding two clean coffee cups in the top cupboard. "You told Tina to mind her own business and all that."
"I'm your friend" Santana huffed. "I wasn't going to let her shame you."
"So you're going to do it instead?"

She was still in her pajamas, a very short t-shirt that brushed the top of her thighs. He thought of Brittany upstairs in the bed they had shared.

"She's not going to leave him, Puck" she said softly.

"And Brittany's not going to leave her dance studio."
She swallowed. He could see parts of her face shutting off. They were alike in that way, neither of them really liked talking about hard stuff. But who did?

"Brittany and I-" she began. "Brittany and I, we're just having sex. We're enjoying our time together."

"So are we. Except the sex part."
"You don't get it" Santana insisted. "We are both aware of the situation. And so is Quinn. But I'm afraid that you are not."

"Believe me, I am."
"I'm worried that some part of you still thinks that she'll follow you tomorrow."

The coffee was ready. He poured them each a cup.

"She's going to break your heart again" Santana said, watching him intently as he took a sip of coffee.

It was too hot and burned his lips. He kept drinking it anyway; he didn't want to show any weakness right now.

"Santana, I'll be fine."
"Don't you remember the feeling when you saw her with Henry? All those years ago?"

"Of course I do" he replied tersely.

It was one of those memories that were stuck in his brain. She had worn a blue dress. Her hair was been tied up in a bun. Henry had had a brown blazer. It had been raining all day but had just cleared up. He could even remember the smell of trees at Yale.

"That feeling" she said. "You'll feel that feeling again."
"I know" he said. "But this time I'm prepared for it."
"Are you?"
"As prepared as a man can be."
She tilted her head to one side. She only wanted the best for him. He knew that. And he knew that he would miss her terribly when this week was over.

"What are you going to do about that show?" he asked. "The one where you play a High School student and that Quinn says that you should say no to?"

She sighed and let him change the subject.

"I don't know yet" she said. "I'm sick of doing plays that no one goes to see."

"At least it's art, right?"
"I'm sick of art. I want recognition. I want to be famous. I want to get paid."
"So you're moving to LA?" he asked.

"What do you care?" she countered. "You're not thinking of joining us in New York, are you?"
"Not if you're leaving."
"You should go with me to LA" she said. "We could live together. Mend our hearts in the California sun."

"Yeah" he said. "Yeah, that sounds good."

And he wished that it was that simple. That he could just pack up and leave and go with her. That he would fall in love with someone else and get a job doing something he liked and that he would be happy, despite being without Quinn.

…

She was wearing his hoodie again. It was some kind of sign, he thought. She had worn it before she knew that it was his and now she wearing because it was his. He loved her in that sweater than in anything else. It meant that much to him.

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

She didn't kiss him, didn't even touch him and right now, it was probably for the best. Tina was standing just a few feet away, talking on the phone with her daughter. And, they weren't a couple. Kissing someone good morning was a thing that couples did.

"My future career in TV" Santana replied. "If I sign that contract, that is."
"I'll call them for you" she said.

"To negotiate?"

"Yeah."

"I always ask you to do that and you always say no."
"Well, I'm feeling lucky today."
Santana gave Quinn a quick hug.

"I'll do my best" Quinn said. "Can't promise anything."
"Of course."
Santana disappeared to find the number to producer or whoever it was that Quinn was going to call. Puck and Quinn were alone. Or, as alone as they could be with at least five other people in the kitchen. But no one else seemed to be paying attention to them.

"How did you sleep?" she asked.

"Like a baby."

"Powerful pills" she smiled.

She had perfect white teeth. And perfect lips. God, he loved her smile.

"Yeah" he grinned. "But I'm not going to take them anymore."
"Why not?"
"They make my brain slow. And sleepy."
"Sounds nice."

"I don't want to half-drugged right now."
She extended a hand and touched his cheek. It made him feel more than half-drugged.

"I don't want you to be in pain" she told him.

"Believe me, I'm not."
"Do you swear?"
"Yes, I swear."

He thought of the pain he had felt whilst driving home from New Haven eight or nine years ago. He remembered pulling over by the side of the road because he felt like he had to puke. He had been a wreck for months.

"Do you know something? I always wake up at six" she said. "Every day. But not now, you've messed up my routine."
He was prepared now. He knew that driving away from her tomorrow would be horrible. He knew it. He was older now too, less naïve. At least that was what he was telling himself.

"I like that" he told her. "I like messing you up a little."
She laughed and he just had to kiss her. It was their first kiss of the day and it tasted better than he remembered from yesterday.

"Breakfast?" she whispered against his mouth.

…

Every minute he spent with her made it more and more impossible for him to imagine how life would be without her. He had felt like that before. When Beth had been born life had changed forever and since that moment he couldn't remember how things had been during his first sixteen years. It was the worst and best feeling in his life. These moments with Quinn felt the same. The best and the worst.

"No" she said in a voice he didn't recognize. "That won't do."
It was her lawyer voice, he realized. It was imperious and serious and she both did and didn't sound like herself. For the first time, he could actually picture her as a lawyer. He could see her standing in front of judge and a jury, pleading the case of some poor kid that was being blamed for something that he or she hadn't done. He could see her in that pencil skirt and with her hair up, just like she had looked when she arrived to the lake house. And for the first time, he didn't hate that look.

"Ms. Lopez has many offers and if she chooses to be a part of your production, she will need insurance that it will pay off" she was saying.

Santana stood a few feet away, her head in her hands as she listened to Quinn's negotiation. The others were outside and enjoying the sunny morning. He could go outside too, sit on the deck and talk with someone he hadn't really had the time to talk to yet. Maybe Kurt. But he didn't want to. He wanted to listen to her lawyer voice for all eternity.

"If you call me on Monday with your new offer, we will reconsider it" she said.

Santana screamed as Quinn hung up.

"What did they say?" she said, slinging her arms around Quinn's shoulder in a clumsy hug.

"Calm down" Quinn said. "They just promised to look over the contract."
"My agent has never managed that."

"Your agent must really suck."

Santana planted a big kiss on Quinn's forehead and then a second one on Puck's, just for good measure.

"I don't even know why I'm doing this, San," Quinn said. "I don't want you to move to LA."

"Honestly, Q, it wouldn't change your life that drastically" Santana commented. "It's not like you make time for your friends in New York either."
"I know. I know but it's going to change."
"Really?"

"Yeah, I want to Rachel's show and your play and hang out in that horrible little apartment you share. All the time."
"You're just saying that" Santana said. "You still have the bar to pass."
"I promise" Quinn said. "Things will change. I will change."
"Good."

Santana ran outside to tell the others the good news and Quinn went over and sat down next to him on the couch. She smiled.

"That was fun" she said.

"Remind me to never commit a crime. If you use that voice on me, I'll admit to anything."

She rolled her eyes.

"Like Santana said," she said. "I still have to pass the bar."

"You will" he promised.

She leaned her head against his healthy shoulder. They both listened to Santana scream something about becoming the new Katie Holmes and laughed softly. He could imagine his life with her. It would be like this. Wild passion and calm comfort. Her stern lawyer voice and her soft whispers. All contrasts. All different sides of her. And he loved all parts of her.

"You're still firm on that no sex thing, right?" he teased, kissing her ear.

She laughed.

"Don't tempt me."

So he did. He tempted her all he could. He kissed all the exposed skin on her neck and slipped his hands down under her shirt. She pulled away, shaking her head at him.

"Let's go outside" she said.

"Okay" he said, unwilling but willing to do anything she said.

"It's for the best" she promised.

"Whatever you said" he replied and she must have heard the strain in his voice because she took his hand and led him out into the sunshine.

…

It was a relief to step into her professional role, to be a lawyer, to use the phrases she used all day at work. It had almost nothing to do with emotions. It was easier to feel but to hold his hand was better. Feeling his mouth against hers was better than getting into Yale, better than getting into Law School, better than getting her job. It scared her. It scared her that she hadn't studied for the bar a single time since she had arrived here. And it terrified her even more that she really couldn't muster up enough feelings to care. He had all her emotions. He could do what he wanted with them.

"How about we ask each other all the questions we've wanted to ask for ten years?" Rachel suggested.

They were eating lunch and had just listened to another anecdote from Mike and Tina's daughter's first years. For once, Quinn was relieved by Rachel's pre-planned events. Sometimes they were really handy.

"I can go first" Rachel said, tucking her hair behind her ears and leaning forward. "Sam, do you still get recognized for your underwear ads?"
Everyone snickered. Sam, who had seemed a little down this morning, smiled too.

"More often than you would think" he said.

"Does it get you laid?" Artie asked.

"Sadly, it's mostly men in their fifties who remember it."
It was nice to see him smile again. Quinn leaned back in her chair and held Puck's hand under the table.

"Your turn, Sam" Rachel said, pointing at him with a fork full of fettuccine.

"Okay" he said slowly. "Quinn, how did you start dating a man twice your age?"
The laughter was louder this time. Quinn felt her cheeks heating up. How could she feel shame both about Puck and Henry? It was some kind of cruel double punishment.

"I…" she began. "He asked me to stay after class one time."

The snickering continued. She didn't really want to talk about it, not because of her shame this time, but because she could feel Puck watching her. Henry wasn't supposed to exist for another thirty hours or so.

"It wasn't serious until I graduated" she concluded.

"What happened then?" Sam pressed on.

She sighed.

"He told me that he had left his wife and planned for us to live together in New York."

"Wow" Rachel said. "Had he discussed it with you?"
"Well, no" she replied. "But I was already going to move there for school and it was convenient for us to live together."
"What about his wife?" Tina asked.

Quinn turned to look at her.

"What about her?" she asked, harder than she had intended.

"What happened to her?"

"She's still in New Haven."

"Did they have kids?"

"Yeah, but they're in their twenties, so it's not like they're living in a broken home."
Tina opened her mouth again but Quinn had had enough. She didn't want to talk about herself anymore.

"Santana" she said instead. "How was Lindsay Lohan in bed?"

…

He pulled her away after dinner, longing to be able to kiss her unhindered. She giggled as they stood on the dewy grass and kissed and kissed. If he had been able to choose on his own, sneaking away to kiss her properly wouldn't have been his first choice, but he knew that she was uncomfortable in front of the others. And hiding was always exciting.

"Hey" she whispered. "Can I ask you a question that I've been wanting to ask you for a long time?"
"Yeah" he exhaled. "Anything."
"When you went back into the air force, where did you go? What happened?"
He stiffened just a little as he hadn't expected that kind of question.

"I went to an army base in Saudi Arabia" he replied. "And I never killed anyone, if that's what you're asking."
"I wasn't" she said, touching his cheek with her soft fingers, making him shiver. "I just… I was so scared when you were gone. I tried not to be, but I couldn't help it."
"It wasn't bad for me" he told her. "I was not really a very stable person when I went back, after Finn, and the others guys, they helped stabilize me. They didn't know him, didn't know you, didn't know anything about me, really. They teased me about normal things and we played XBOX and read the same magazines over and over."

"Sounds horrible" she remarked.

"Yeah" he said. "Yeah, but I guessed I needed it. The routines. The alarm clock ringing at 5:30 every morning. I was always tired, always slept like a baby."
She kissed him again. He cupped the back of her head and pulled her closer.

"I always knew that you came back okay" she said, pulling away again. "Santana told me. I didn't even have to ask. She knew that I wanted to know. But I was still so mad at you. Furious."
"I know" he said. "But you have forgiven me now, right?"
"Yes" she replied. "I understand why you had to leave. And I'm glad it helped you, even if it changed both our lives forever."
She leaned her head against his chest and he bent his face down to rest on the top of her head. Despite everything, she was still here with him. Behind a tree, in the wet grass, so close to him that he could hear her breathing.

"You can ask me something if you'd like" she said.

"I don't think I need to."
"Why not?"
"I just want to think about the now."
She laughed, straightening up and looking him in the eyes. If he squinted, she almost looked exactly like she had in high school. The hair was a little shorter and her face a bit more sculptured, but in the dark and if he squinted, they could be standing by the Lima Lake, hiding from Finn and the others.

"Hey, Puck" she said, tugging at his shirt sleeve.

"Yeah?"
"I'm glad that you didn't die."

"Yeah" he replied. "Me too."

..