Chapter 5A: "Amare est non tantum desit, est principaliter ad intelligere"
Spock was acting weird, weirder than usual. Jim had noticed it, but at first he thought the Vulcan was still adjusting to recent events. Almost a month had passed, however, and Spock was still weird; how much time did he need to adjust? It made Jim edgy, and whenever he approached the subject, Spock dismissed it as nothing (well, he mostly hinted that Jim was just imagining things). The point was, Jim was at loss as to why Spock was acting so strange. He kept staring at him with these weird eyes, and when Jim asked what he could do for Spock, he just blinked and said that he was in no need of anything at the moment. Just that, without the head tilting or the raised eyebrow. He never thought he would miss seeing Spock's eyebrow almost touching his forehead.
Jim knew that since Spock didn't want to share the reason he was acting bizarrely, hell would freeze over before he got something out of him. Even Uhura looked lost at this new attitude, which was saying something; if Spock were to share his thoughts, it would be surely with her. It shouldn't bother him this much, a lot of people had stared at him during his life (well, he was stare-worthy after all), but the way Spock looked at him unnerved him. His stare was way too familiar for Jim. He had seen that look many times; the memories flooded his mind at the most inconvenient moments. It was the look the other Spock sometimes got when he saw his Kirk, and unless he was mistaken, it was the 'I want to get some' look that was followed by that Spock pinning Kirk on the nearest available surface. Of course Spock (his Spock, Captain Spock, this Spock) didn't have anything like that in mind, but it disturbed him nonetheless. It made it hard to avoid the vivid images popping into his head. He wondered how much time he could endure before snapping and telling Spock to either stop staring like a crazy Vulcan, or just tell him what was bothering him.
Unfortunately, Bones snapped first.
"What are you staring at?" Bones said the fourth time he noticed Spock looking at their table.
"Bones!" Jim warned. At least this proved he wasn't imagining things.
"I apologize, Doctor McCoy; I did not realize you were upset by my presence," Spock said calmly.
"I don't care about you, but the way you stare at Jim is making me crazy. Do you have a problem or what?" Bones frowned at Spock.
"Not at all. If you excuse me, I need to read your briefing."
Spock was talking to Bones and ignoring Jim. What the hell was wrong with this guy? And why did Jim care?
"Run along, but you can't hide forever," Bones muttered. Jim was sure Spock heard him, as he stopped abruptly, but he kept walking away, probably choosing to ignore Bones. Ignoring him when he got annoying was what Spock did best; Jim was tempted to do the same.
"What was that about?" Jim asked. For some reason, it bothered him that Bones and Spock seemed to be more in tune than he and Spock. Stupid memories from other timelines, they were ruining his life, making him long for things he probably wouldn't even want if he didn't have previews of what it could be if he and Spock got to be friends playing in his head.
"Ask the hobgoblin," Bones said with a sigh.
"I'm asking you, Bones. Spock is angry at me? Did I do something?" He hated how insecure his voice sounded. Must he sound like a high school girl every time the Vulcan subject was brought up?
"Jim, would the elf stare at you if you did something wrong? He's just driving me crazy. Every time I eat lunch with you, he's there, undressing you with his eyes."
"What?" Jim gaped. Okay, maybe he wasn't so off in his assumptions if Bones could see it as well. "He doesn't look at me like that!" Denial had been Jim's best friend his entire life.
"Well, it's disturbing. If I wanted to be stared at while I eat, I'd share a table with the yeomen. Either you put a leash on your Vulcan, or we stop having lunch together."
"Man, you're grumpy; be patient, Spock's probably just adjusting to what happened. If you were turned into a child, you'd need some time to cope with the situation too." At least this was the justification Jim used whenever he wanted to yell at Spock for staring.
"First, he doesn't remember anything, and second, he didn't have to deal with a nine year old Vulcan, we did. If anyone needs time to cope with what happened, that's you and me… and maybe Uhura… oh, and Chekov, I think he was traumatized by the evil eye your kid Vulcan gave him whenever he came near you." Bones smirked. "Did I tell you he once hid behind Sulu when he crossed paths with tiny Spock in the hallway? It was hilarious."
"Yeah, the kid didn't seem too fond of Chekov, even though he's super lovable. I thought nobody could hate him. Still, Bones, I know you don't know the meaning of the word, but be patient with Spock. Go easy on him. If I don't get angry about the staring, I don't see why you should. Or are you jealous?" Jim smiled widely.
"Please," Bones scoffed, "you wish it was jealousy. You know I don't like people looking at me. If the hobgoblin is going to continue with his eye-harassment, then I think we should get different lunch-dates."
"What? And miss all this fun? Bones, we are lunch soul-mates," Jim mocked.
"Enough about the elf, I don't want to get an upset stomach. Things sure seem calm around here, no upcoming assignments yet?"
"Nope. Apparently the Admirals think Spock should adjust himself to the job again before we take any assignments." That had been a long discussion between Pike coddling Spock, Komack asking for proof of the 'child incident' (since Jim's word was void to Komack and therefore he didn't believe him when he explained why he was acting as Captain), Archer asking weird questions and the rest just staring at Spock, probably imagining him as a kid. Spock held his ground fine, and Jim was just there for moral support, he didn't say anything at all. The only reason he was present during the briefing was because Spock requested him, using the same 'you're second in command and assumed the leadership during my unfortunate absence' argument he had been using for the past month to involve Jim in boring procedures like paperwork and exciting calls to the Admiralty.
"I imagine Spock is thrilled," Bones said.
"Jumping in excitement," Jim smirked.
"Well, this is boring. If I wanted to play Scrabble with my medical staff, I would have stayed on Earth with my own practice. Chapel cheats, by the way, never play Scrabble with her. And M'Benga hides the letters when he's losing."
While Bones ranted about Scrabble matches, Jim imagined what his life could have been if he hadn't taken the bait when Pike recruited him. He'd never thought he was going to end up in Starfleet, but he also hadn't thought about what he was going to do with his life. Deep down he had this picture of being a working man; getting married and having kids, a house and a boring life. He had decided to be the opposite of what his parents had been, and see if that made him happy. Sam seemed happy with his boring life, but then again, Sam didn't think his life was boring. But honestly, if a guy spent two hours talking about how to boil an egg and sounding happy about it, all his arguments were invalid. Jim had always been the troublemaker in his family, boring wasn't something he could settle for. He had thought maybe love could make him change, but Gaila was as much of a hyperactive troublemaker as he was, and that had been the closest thing Jim had experienced to love.
At first he thought that having the boring life would give him some sort of purpose. When he had been obsessed with why he had been born and his father had died, he read about the balance in the universe. If his father had to die for him to be born, Jim's life had to have a purpose. It couldn't be to keep his mother sane, she pretty much went nuts after the Narada incident and he was sure her sanity was buried with George's body (metaphorically speaking, of course). It couldn't be to help his brother, either, since that was the other way around. He saw no purpose to his life, and that made him feel empty. The bar fights, sleeping around and challenging people had been labeled as 'ways to get attention from others' by all the shrinks Wynona sent him to (which was funny, since she never went to one and she was the one who needed her wires fixed). Nobody got his need to find a purpose, until Pike saw him and understood.
Pike gave him that sense of purpose; he just never expected to find it on Starfleet. Why were all Kirks insane? It must be in their genes.
"Are you even listening to me?" Bones asked, annoyed.
"Sure… Chapel cheats and M'Benga eats Scrabble letters."
"I stopped talking about Scrabble, moron. I was talking about my blood donation campaign."
"Let me guess, I'm your first volunteer."
"Of course," Bones sneered.
"Why am I always your first volunteer?"
"I don't have to ask you; I know you will do it because if you don't, I can make your life miserable," Bones smiled.
"Fine, I'll stop by when my shift ends."
"Make sure to spread the word around, and when you say you are going to donate blood, sound happy about it. I don't want to be convincing people like last time. I hate being nice and smiley to get my way, that's your specialty."
"I'll try to make being pinched with a needle by a sadistic doctor sound as pleasant as I can manage," Jim deadpanned.
Bones looked at Jim with a frown.
"What?"
"Have you noticed how with each passing day you act more like the hobgoblin?" Bones asked, sounding genuinely curious.
"I do not!" Jim snapped.
"See? You even talk properly sometimes. It's scary."
Jim was about to retort when he got this image of Spock holding Captain Kirk tightly. Dammit, why the hell had this popped up right now? He blinked and shook his head, but for some reason he could feel Spock's arms around him. This was a first. He usually never felt anything besides awkwardness when he saw those images, and now he actually felt someone hugging him. He felt the warm arms, the love and devotion, the need. God, the need, it was almost like it was burning him. He froze, trying to focus on something else, why it was taking so long to snap out of this? It was almost like his mind was rebelling against his will and wanted to torture him.
"Jim… Jim!" Bones shook him, returning him to the real world. He felt a sense of emptiness at the sight of Bones' worried face; like something was missing in this picture.
"Sorry… I…" He had no idea how he was going to explain this to his paranoid and extremist friend.
"You what? It looked like you were having some kind of attack; your arms were all rigid and your face was blank… are you sick? What's wrong?" Bones went into doctor mode.
"It's nothing Bones, don't worry." Jim tried to smile reassuringly.
"Don't try to fool me, idiot. I know you… let me guess, you saw one of those delightful images of Spock having his way with the other Kirk, am I right?"
"Sort of." Jim really didn't want to explain what he'd felt. He couldn't even understand what the hell that had been.
"Jim, you said you were handling it, but I'm worried about you. These memories or whatever are becoming more frequent. I talked with M'Benga, and he could try something to block the memories."
"You just want an excuse to poke into my brain. You've wanted to do that since the day you met me," Jim said gloomily.
"True, but I have the perfect excuse now. Jokes aside, Jim, this isn't normal, and it could affect your health. I'm worried, please, let me try something."
Bones sounded troubled and made Jim feel a small pang of guiltiness. He shouldn't make his friend this edgy, but he couldn't do anything about the floating memories, they appeared when he least expected it.
"It's fine, I promise. You will be worry-free soon."
"What do you mean?"
"Spock told me he probably could fix this … not our Spock, of course, the other Spock, Ambassador Spock."
"You mean old and sneaky Spock," Bones said scornfully, "and I've told you, this Spock isn't mine, you can keep him all for yourself."
To Jim's dismay, that comment felt completely right; he hoped this was also a transferred emotion from the other memories, because if this possessive need didn't stop after Spock fixed his head, then he was totally screwed.
Spock took a deep breath, trying to regain concentration once more. He had intended to meditate, but he had failed every time he tried to make his mind blank. He was feeling extremely restless today. Recent events kept making him think about things he had not been aware of before. The most pressing matter was Commander Kirk's sudden knowledge about Vulcan culture. Nyota said that Kirk had seemed extremely aware of what could make him uncomfortable as a child, and Spock's memories of the event were clear enough to corroborate that point. Even Captain Pike had problems adjusting to Spock's sense of personal space and particularities like his diet and his methodical procedures, but Mister Kirk seemed to adapt rather quickly, and usually understood what Spock meant or why he was doing certain things. He had just assumed that Kirk was one of those individuals who adjusted easily to others. Now it seemed more likely that Kirk knew more than he let on. This made Spock curious about exactly how Mister Kirk had obtained such knowledge, and why he had not said anything. Spock was trying to find the best way to approach the subject without sounding judgmental or defensive, but he had not yet thought of an approach that could bring the topic out.
Perhaps he had failed to be discreet, if McCoy's angry tirade was any indication. Commander Kirk had asked before about his behavior, but he seemed to accept Spock's evasive answers. McCoy, on the other hand, was rude and tactless. Being 'called out' in front of the Commander made Spock uneasy, however it had shown him that if he wanted answers, staring at Mister Kirk expecting him to just say what Spock needed to know was not the best way to obtain them.
Spock had to admit that a small part of him did not want to speak of this event again. As irrational as it was, he was afraid of upsetting Kirk and causing him to ask for his promotion before Spock could convince him to stay on the Enterprise. Something that kept lingering in Spock's mind was Kirk saying they were friends. Logically he knew Kirk had just said it to gain his younger self's trust, but he hoped that information was accurate to some extent. He grew up without forming friendships, and considered Nyota his first and only friend. Having Kirk as a friend changed things for him, as he had not realized when this development occurred, but he had to admit he sometimes preferred talking to the Commander to talking to Nyota. He was not lying when he said he had lost hope of being able to form social bonds, as he was rejected by both Humans and Vulcans. As a child, knowing he had managed to make a friend made him extremely happy; as an adult, with strong defenses against emotions, it was not the overwhelming joy he felt as a nine year old, but a small thrill of happiness was there. He did not want to risk that offending Kirk when he had been trying to be respectful of Spock's differences, and knowing the Commander, he had probably obtained the information in the first place in order to understand Spock better. He was not affronted by Kirk's knowledge, he was merely curious.
He had to decide if he would risk the strange balance he and Kirk had reached so far by bringing the subject up, or if he would just 'let it go' as Nyota suggested. This proved to be a particularly difficult decision; he lacked of the necessary social skills to make the right choice. In both scenarios, Spock felt he could lose more than he was willing to risk.
Fortunately for Spock, the Admirals decided to end the punishment they had inflicted on him. Of course, they argued that it was not a punishment, as it was good for Spock to wait until he adjusted to his role as Captain once more, as if being a child had made him somehow incompetent. Spock personally thought that even as a child he could be a more efficient Captain than the leaders some ships had at the moment, but arguing with humans, as always, proved to be futile. He was eager to receive a new assignment, and he could see Commander Kirk's keenness as well.
"I wonder why they invited me too," Kirk said in an excited tone. "You think they're giving us something interesting? It better be, a month just floating around space can make anyone crazy."
"I am sure the Admiralty will assign us something interesting enough for you, Mister Kirk," Spock said dryly.
"Oh, don't tell me you weren't going crazy with this; just because Komack is bored shouldn't mean we have to pay the price."
"I admit this measure seemed to be overly-cautious; however we did benefit from it."
"Really? Enlighten me then, Spock," Mister Kirk asked with a mocking tone.
"We finally updated the files you had been postponing for so long."
"Of course; I should have known you were going to bring that up eventually."
"I must remind you that you were the one to approach the subject," Spock stated calmly.
"Yeah, it's my fault, I never know when to shut up."
Spock blinked and Kirk smiled widely. Spock made the decision to just maintain this balance and ignore his incessant need to control everything around him. When they arrived to the Conference room, Kirk kept speculating about what the upcoming assignment could be, and Spock realized something else as they sat down waiting for Nyota to transfer the call. He felt at ease with Kirk, like they had known each other for a long time. He had never been this comfortable with another person, not even his mother. It was perplexing.
"Spock? Are you going to answer that anytime soon?" He was brought back to reality from his musings by Kirk's voice. "The light has been blinking for a while now."
"I apologize, my mind was elsewhere."
"I noticed that." Kirk winked at him, which unsettled him as he was not used to the gesture, at least not aimed at him. "You seem to be saying that a lot…"
Mister Kirk tilted his head, and Spock thought he was going to add something else, but he only shook his head and smiled.
"Shall we?" Kirk asked.
"Of course."
After exchanging pleasantries, Spock noticed that Admiral Pike was the only person present for this call. That was odd, given that Admiral Komack made it clear he wanted to know how Spock was 'adjusting to his role', and according to Mister Kirk, that meant he was going to 'watch him like a hawk'.
"Pike, where's your boyfriend?" Mister Kirk asked gleefully.
"Commander," Spock chastised. Although Kirk and Admiral Pike seemed to have an unusual relationship, the Commander knew hearing them talking like that made Spock uncomfortable.
"Right, right, but he deserves it!" Kirk complained. "Braiding Bones' hair isn't as fun as it used to be."
"For some reason Komack guessed you would be restless and annoying and preferred to let me handle you. Apparently I'm the one who has to tolerate your cheekiness," Admiral Pike said fondly. "I must say I expected a lot more noise from you, Kirk… one month of staring at space and not a word? You have to tell me how you accomplished that, Spock."
"I do not understand." That was Spock's standard answer whenever someone asked him how he tamed Kirk or how he managed to make him behave.
"This is fun," Commander Kirk interrupted before Admiral Pike could say anything else, "but I'm curious about why you summoned me, Pike. Stop the dramatic pauses and tell us what our next assignment is."
"How impatient. As you know, Komack it thought prudent to let the Enterprise wander around space for a while to let Spock adjust to the Captaincy again."
"I appreciated the thought, but as I expressed when it was first suggested, it was not necessary."
"Yeah, we know you were pissed, Spock. Vacations are a good thing, son. Anyway, this situation was planned to last two months…"
"Two months?" Mister Kirk interrupted again. "What the hell, Pike?"
"Let me finish," Admiral Pike said, smiling. "We have a little situation and we need the Enterprise to help. You are aware of the strained relationship we have with some planets after what happened. Particularly since we are giving our unconditional support to Vulcans; it's creating some small feuds and we are worried this could lead to other things… bloody things, if I may be crude. Fortunately Betazoid is also a wonderful ally. Have we expressed our gratitude for that, Kirk?"
"Not recently, but go on, I love to hear Admirals 'expressing gratitude'," Mister Kirk smiled.
"Yeah, good luck with that. We were thinking about the best way to explain the situation, when the Vulcans gave us a very logical solution."
Spock lifted his eyebrow. It was true that some planets were wary of the situation, however he did not expect to hear that Vulcans were willing to solve the situation as they usually preferred to keep a certain distance in diplomatic events. As long as their culture was respected, Vulcans did not involve themselves in pointless circumstances. Not even his decision to join Starfleet had changed that perspective; he wondered what motivated this turn of events.
"It was expected, right?" Kirk said, looking at Spock. "Vulcans are intelligent beings, adapting to the new situation requires accepting help. Most planets don't understand this, they can't understand how difficult it is for a race so reserved and guarded to lose everything, and most races don't like Vulcans because they think they're stuck-up assholes. They have to see the other perspective; appearances are deceiving."
Spock tried to subdue his surprise at hearing Mister Kirk so passionate about the topic. Of course he was right, Vulcans were often mislabeled as arrogant and selfish, and Spock had heard comments about how what happened to the planet was 'good riddance'. It made him feel angry, but of course ignorant people would always be petty. The way Mister Kirk seemed so affronted by the misconceptions about Vulcan culture caused a warmth in Spock's chest. Having someone there who could understand the situation without being judgmental made him feel less lonely.
"What?" Kirk said, noticing how Spock and Admiral Pike were staring at him. "I happen to read."
"Those comments don't come from a book, Kirk," Pike said doubtfully, "but it's good to see the Vulcans have a cheerleader. How nice of you. The suggestion came from the High Council, they recommended the negotiation be held on neutral ground, and Betazoid volunteer to host the reunion."
"The reunion?" Spock and Mister Kirk said at the same time.
"Look at you two, being all in sync and everything." Admiral Pike said in a very annoying tone. "Vulcan chose an Ambassador to go and convince them to support the Federation, and the Enterprise is the ship assigned to transport him and bring him safely to Betazoid. And before you say it, no Kirk, we didn't choose the Enterprise because it has a Vulcan Captain, we actually assigned it to you because of your daughter."
"Lilly?" Kirk frowned.
"No, the other one; the one who isn't green." Pike smiled. "It's good press, and the Betazoids want to see you and admire you a little more."
"Amanda isn't an advertizing tool," Mister Kirk said with a glare. Spock concurred. It seemed distasteful to use a toddler in diplomatic affairs.
"Save it, Kirk, you are assigned to get the Ambassador from Star Base 5 and get him safely to Betazoid. Are we clear?" Pike said.
"Are we expected to stay during the negotiations?" Spock asked, since as usual, Mister Kirk and Admiral Pike had forgotten he was standing there.
"No, we have enough security, but you're welcome to stay if you think you can help or if you perceive tension. If you don't, then go back to studying charts and visiting strange places, the Enterprise is officially on business again."
"How kind," Mister Kirk muttered.
"I heard that," Pike pointed out.
"May I ask who the chosen Ambassador is?" Spock asked. Few Vulcans wanted to be actively involved with the Federation, and even fewer would voluntarily travel to get involved in diplomatic issues.
"As a matter of fact, I have him on hold right now. I'll transfer the call to you, and you can get the details. You know what we expect from the Enterprise, so don't fuck it up. Pike out."
Spock blinked, waiting for the transferred call, wondering which Ambassador would volunteer to 'educate' other cultures, particularly by sharing such personal motives for Vulcans.
"Do you think it's your father?" Mister Kirk asked, sounding anxious.
"It certainly sounds likely, as he has been the connection between our two cultures and would be willing to contribute to strong diplomatic relations with other planets," Spock said neutrally. It was logical to assume his father would be the one volunteering for the task, but he knew he was still grieving… they all were still grieving.
"A Vulcan onboard, huh?" Mister Kirk kept talking. "I bet you're all excited."
"Can you tell?" Spock said dryly.
Mister Kirk laughed loudly and Spock realized what he just had said. He had not thought about his comment, it just felt natural to express it. His barriers often relaxed when he was in the Commander's presence.
"Point." Kirk kept chuckling. "I'll let you handle the Ambassador then, you know me, I probably would 'fuck it up' and Pike just forbade that. Besides, what better company for a Vulcan than another Vulcan?"
"On the contrary, Commander, I am sure the Ambassador, whoever it may be, will find your company… refreshing."
"Nah, you're better suited for this job. I'll just stand here and look pretty. Like a trophy wife."
Spock was about to retort, when they noticed the light blinking again. Very well, better carry on with the situation as best as he could manage. Deep down, he hoped it was not his father. The last time Sarek had witnessed Spock's leadership abilities… it was disappointing. And he was still insisting on Spock being modest and returning to help the Vulcans with the current situation. The last thing he needed was having him questioning his decision of stay with Starfleet.
When the image finally appeared, Spock blinked, disconcerted. It was not possible.
Jim had been curious about why exactly Pike had asked him to be with Spock when he called. After hearing him, he was torn between being pissed and relieved. Pissed, because two months of leave? What the fuck? Did Komack suffer a concussion or something? But a pressing matter came up before the punishment ended, so it wasn't that bad.
He'd expected Spock to be grumpier, but he was his normal cold self, and Jim was happy about that. After he returned to normal, Jim had problems adjusting from having a tiny Vulcan attached to his hip to having an adult Vulcan keeping a professional distance. He had to admit it had been disappointing, but then, he was the one who asked for the memories to be removed. It was logical that Spock hadn't changed or started acting differently. Jim had this weird dream where Spock would have stayed the same as he'd been as a kid, more emotional and caring, and mostly, Jim's friend. He missed that, calling Spock his friend. He had three months before he submitted his petition to take the Pegasus' Captaincy, and Jim had made it his personal goal to be Spock's friend by that time.
It had nothing to do with the other memories, he just felt that Spock could be a great friend, and a wonderful ally when he needed advice about Captaincy. This was a challenge for Jim; he'd never needed to struggle in friendships, he was a social person by nature and he had the necessary charm to get whatever he wanted. With Spock, of course, nothing worked but things he never thought using, such as weakness and sharing emotions. It took him three years to tell Bones about Tarsus, and just because he was nosy and Riley showed up; but he told Spock everything after knowing the guy for seven months. Sometimes it threw Jim off balance sharing with Spock personal stuff, but it also felt right, maybe because he didn't need to prove anything to Spock. The guy had seen him at his worst and still liked him… or as close as a Vulcan could get to 'liking'. Still, Jim knew he had work to do. Even though he and Spock had this easy, comfortable relationship, he wanted to take the next step. Usually this would involve a bed ... man, nine months without getting laid wasn't helping the cause.
Spock looked anxious about having another Vulcan onboard, so Jim tried to ease the situation with jokes. He had every intention of staying out of the way and just nodding along when Spock lifted the 'say yes' eyebrow. If Spock was anxious, things couldn't bode well for him if he intervened. Watching the other Kirk and Spock having sex in all the positions they could manage didn't exactly give him diplomatic training in how to deal with Vulcans. Unless that thing with the tongue he had seen the other Kirk doing was some sort of Vulcan hot spot. Okay, this train of thought wasn't helpful at all, and offering to be Spock's trophy wife was even less helpful.
When he saw the Ambassador who had volunteered to deal with the diplomatic situation, he almost had a heart attack.
"Hello Captain Spock… Commander Kirk."
Bones was right… this was an old and sneaky Vulcan. He tried to act normal and not smile like an idiot, but seeing the Ambassador's face was such a relief. Then it clicked … he said he would fix Jim soon, meaning he knew the Enterprise would be assigned to transport him. Wait… but he said that if Spock (young Spock, his Spock, Captain Spock) knew about the whole 'I'm you, but from another time-line' thing the Universe would implode or something, right? Maybe this was one of those situations where if Spock didn't know who the Ambassador was, everything would be fine. Yeah, that must be it, but Jim was so bemused at seeing both Spocks there, staring at each other, that he decided to leave the freak out for later. Wacky universe, as Bones would say.
"Ambassador," Spock said, and was Jim imagining things, or had Spock gotten ten degrees colder all of a sudden? "It is a pleasure to see you in good health."
What? Spock and old Spock had met before? What the hell? Jim glared at the Ambassador; he hoped old Spock could interpret the 'you better explain' look he was giving him. The Ambassador inclined his head towards Jim, so he probably got it.
"I take it you two know each other?" Jim asked to at least make some sense out of this.
"I am afraid we met in the most unfortunate circumstances. Commander Kirk, I hope you do not mind I address you in an informal manner, somehow you seem… very familiar to me." The Ambassador smiled kindly. Smiled, in front of Spock, this was so bizarre. And what was this crap? 'Very familiar' his ass, he was playing mind games. Oh, he was going to give an explanation, long and detailed, even if Jim had to kidnap him.
"I don't mind. For some reason, you seem very familiar as well," Jim smirked. Hey, he started it!
"I see." The Ambassador kept the smile. Well, this was comfy, Jim and two Spocks, probably the other Kirk's wildest fantasy.
"Ambassador, I apologize if I sound impolite, but we have some pressing matters to attend. If I understood correctly, you are currently on Star Base 5?"
Jim hoped his shock wasn't obvious; pressing matters? They had had nothing to do for a month, why was Spock being this brusque?
"That is correct. Admiral Pike informed me you were near, it should not take you long to reach my location." The Ambassador also changed his tone of voice. Jim felt he was missing something here.
"We probably can reach Star Base 5 in one day, at warp 8," Jim said to break the tension.
"Of course, the Ambassador understands that using that speed is only for emergency situations. Warp 5 will be our best choice," Spock said in a tone that clearly indicated Jim that it wasn't open to discussion. When Spock says 'will be' instead of 'would be' that meant that it was going to be like that and if you didn't agree, well, too bad. Jim didn't know why Spock was acting so mean to the Ambassador, but he knew he'd better keep his mouth shut.
"Then make it three days." Jim smiled apologetically.
"I do not mind the wait, Commander." Spock smiled again at him. "Patience is a virtue. Besides, I must make sure I am prepared to represent my culture. The Betazoid Ambassador was very kind in offering a neutral place for the meeting to take part."
"Yeah, it's the best option. We can't wait to have you aboard, Ambassador," Jim said cheerfully. He glanced at Spock to see if he had at least maintained his neutral expression, but he looked cold. Why was he pissed?
"I am sure it will be a wonderful experience," the Ambassador said.
When he heard that, Jim felt something weird… like those déjà vu things he had from time to time. This time, however he felt edgy and anxious, as if he had heard this before in a negative context. An image flashed into his mind, the other Kirk, saying goodbye to the Ambassador… thanking him for the wonderful experience. His heart felt so broken, he never thought suffering could be this intense.
"Commander, are you feeling well?" the Ambassador asked, sounding concerned.
"I –" Jim didn't know what to say. 'Well, you see old Spock, I'm not feeling well because you put your memories in my brain and I saw something so sad that it made me dizzy.' Probably not the best choice.
"Maybe –"
"Commander, perhaps it will be best to end this communication and seek Doctor McCoy's opinion," Spock interrupted the Ambassador, touching Jim's shoulder. Okay, this had become ten times freakier. Spock was touching him! In front of other people, sounding all territorial! If Jim wasn't feeling so disoriented he would probably laugh of how ridiculous this situation seemed.
"It's not necessary, Captain, I'm fine." Jim tried to regain control. He glanced at the screen, where he had a worried Ambassador staring at him, and when he glanced to his side, he had a worried Captain also staring at him and still touching him.
"I believe it is the best course of action, Commander," the Ambassador said. "I shall be waiting for your arrival, and my signal can be tracked by the Enterprise at any time. Live long and prosper, Captain Spock, Commander Kirk."
"See you soon." Jim smiled, trying to reassure old Spock.
"Live long and prosper, Ambassador," Spock added coldly, and without another word he shut down the communication. It was only then that he realized he was still touching Jim, and quickly let go of him.
"At least you know him, right?" Jim said after a few minutes of silence.
"Indeed," Spock said, sounding more normal. "Shall we, Commander?"
"Huh?"
"You need Doctor McCoy's advice about what happened. You are very pale."
"I told you, I'm fine," he croaked. Bad moment for his voice to betray him.
"Either you allow me to escort you to Sickbay, or if you are feeling too ill to walk, I can carry you there. Which one will it be?" Spock finally lifted his eyebrow, making him look like himself again.
"I'll walk," Jim muttered. He was tempted to challenge the Vulcan, but he knew by now that Spock would totally carry him around like a child just to prove his point.
The walk to sickbay was in complete silence, but it was a comfortable silence, like they both had too many things on their heads to make small talk.
"What?" Bones asked as soon as he saw them enter Sickbay.
"Commander Kirk was feeling ill," Spock announced.
"Jim?" Bones glanced quickly at him, looking worried. He was getting a lot of those looks lately.
"I'm fine, Bones." Jim flashed his best smile.
"Captain?" Bones ignored Jim and looked at Spock.
"He had an episode where his skin turned pale and he trembled; I had to touch his shoulder to support him since I feared he was going to lose conscience and hurt himself," Spock explained.
Jim hadn't notice the trembling, but now the whole touching thing made sense. And here he thought he was becoming irresistible to Spock, how naïve.
"Any other symptoms?" Bones poked Jim's sides.
"Not that I was aware of. He refused to come here at first, but I assume that is not a sign of any abnormality."
"Could you two stop talking like I'm not here?" Jim snapped. "I'm fine; maybe I have an upset stomach or something."
"You look a little pale, and your eyes are slightly red. I'm keeping you here for observation."
"What? No! I'm fine, I told you!"
"I think that is the best decision, Doctor McCoy. I leave this in your capable hands. Commander, I expect your full recovery. If you two excuse me, I have some business to take care of."
"Wait, Spock, he doesn't need to use –" Jim was trying to convince Spock to save him when he felt a strong pressure on his neck. "OUCH! That hurt, asshole!"
"Good. It's just vitamins, idiot. Now that the elf is gone, tell me the truth, what happened?"
He knew he couldn't keep anything from Bones, he'd better come clean. Besides, he was going to see the Ambassador soon enough, better prepare him for it.
"Our assignment is to transport a Vulcan Ambassador to Betazoid."
"Okay?" Bones crossed his arms, waiting.
"The Ambassador… is the other Spock, the one I met on Delta Vega."
Spock felt conflicted about the recent events. The Ambassador seemed to be oddly familiar with Commander Kirk, and for some reason that made him uncomfortable. Now that he was in the safety of his room, he could admit he had acted cold and distant with his other self. At the moment he felt like volunteering to act as a diplomatic messenger had been a huge breach into his personal and professional life. He was meddling here, when he had already lived his life; he had no business interfering in this time-line, and he should know his place.
He reflected on what was really bothering him. Perhaps the fact that he had been proving himself since he was little, and the last thing he needed to add competing with himself, as illogical as it sounded. But mostly, it made him uncomfortable to see Commander Kirk acting so welcoming towards him. Of course Mister Kirk was always warm and caring, but in this situation he seemed to have a connection with the Ambassador, and that perturbed Spock. If someone were to have a connection with Kirk, it should be him. They had spent nine months and four days together and they had reached a relationship beyond Captain-Commander. He trusted Kirk, and he was positive Kirk trusted him as well. It was implausible that the Ambassador, after just looking at Kirk, had a stronger connection than him. It was not fair.
Spock exhaled, trying to regain composure. Mister Kirk was not a possession, and he was a very dynamic being, it was expected for him to form bonds easily. Yet, as selfish and childish as it sounded, he did not want the Ambassador to be part of that. He did not want to share the bond he could form with Mister Kirk with him, he wanted it for himself. Friendship was seen by Vulcans as useless, and this would be the first time Spock formed a friendship bond this strong. Nyota was different, she was a friend, but with Mister Kirk… feelings of possession and need were overwhelming.
And he would not let the Ambassador take this friendship from him.
Jim decided to have lunch with Spock to show him he was better after two long hours in Sickbay (Bones took so many pictures of his brain that he could probably decorate his room with them). His friend wasn't thrilled about having old and sneaky Spock aboard, but at least he saw the bright side: He would fix Jim.
Now all he needed was an excuse to be alone with Spock without sounding like he was going to seduce him. Age aside, the guy was very attractive and he had this look of wisdom that Jim loved; and he was pretty flexible if the images in his head were any indication. He could still be a great lay – not that Jim was aiming for that, but it would be logical to assume that was what he wanted if he suggested spending time with the Ambassador, just the two of them.
Okay, he had to make it sound casual and breezy. Who the hell used the word breezy? Only him, because he was nervous, dammit.
"So, Spock… I thought I could help you with your dilemma," Jim said, biting his apple.
"I was not aware I had a 'dilemma'." Spock looked at his salad with apprehension. Right, it had olives.
"I told you I can reprogram the machine." Jim sighed. Spock was too wary sometimes. "Anyway, I noticed you aren't very fond of the Ambassador, so I have the perfect solution for you."
"I am not in need of a solution, Commander. My personal feelings do not interfere with my job."
"Yeah, whatever. I can help you avoid personal feelings interfering with your job."
"I just said –"
"I heard you, but let's assume it does interfere. I'll volunteer to be the Ambassadors aid while he's here. I can show him around while you stay on the bridge."
Spock glanced at Jim with uncertainty.
"I thought you said you preferred to be silent and just observe," Spock said, sounding annoyed.
"I changed my mind."
"May I ask why?" Spock lifted his 'don't give me bullshit' eyebrow.
"It would be a great experience, and besides, the Ambassador seemed nice. You always say I need to be more diplomatic and crap like that, this would be a great opportunity for that, don't you think?"
"It is true I often suggest that you become more diplomatic, however it is not necessary. I can help the Ambassador, and you can take my place on the bridge."
Wow, Spock making him take command while he showed the Ambassador around? Was this Freaky Friday or something?
"But I think…"
"Commander, while I appreciate your suggestion, there is no need. I will be in charge of settling the Ambassador on the Enterprise. Now if you excuse me, I need to talk with Mister Scott."
"Okay," Jim tried to sound cheerful, even though Spock had just cut him off. "Are we still on for chess tonight?"
"Of course. I will see you after our shift."
Spock stood up and walked away. He definitely didn't want Jim near the Ambassador, but Jim had no idea why. He was probably afraid Jim was going to mess things up. Being the control freak he was, Spock didn't want anything ruining this, particularly when a fellow Vulcan was involved. Well, Jim would have to think another way to be alone with the Ambassador without pissing off Spock.
Unfortunately, each suggestion was dismissed by Spock, who got really unpleasant as the day when the Ambassador finally came aboard drew closer. Jim hoped this was some sort of Vulcan PMS and Spock would stop being so snappish after the Ambassador arrived. Jim smiled. Having the Ambassador so near would be great; at least if he couldn't be friends with his Spock (yet), someone who liked him was enough. It wasn't the person he actually wanted to befriend, but it was close.
He knew this visit would be a wonderful experience.
N/A: I'm sorry this chapter took too long, busy times came along with 2012. Speaking of that, Happy belated New Year! I wish you all the best! (Even when we are in February already, 10 months of good wishes should count for something). And of course, I can't end my notes without thanking my amazing beta, Anbessette, who somehow manages to fix my sloppy mistakes (and I get creative with mistakes, so it's really a hard work).