Vincent's pov...
I allowed Cid his time alone, I wanted to follow him but that would only cause him to retreat further away from me and he might not come back to me...to the hotel. My mind kept telling me that what I had done wasn't fair and if I had really been serious about him, then I would have done something sooner.
I could have perhaps made my feelings known when he had been at his lowest or during the lighter moments of our travelling but the fun times had been far and few between. If I had kissed him earlier during the past month then I would not have had the chance to stay by his side tonight f he had rejected me. I wouldn't have been able to share a room and watch over him.
My friendship with him was obviously ruined and all I could do was to keep quiet when we returned back to the airship to continue on with our mission. Well, that was a big if he returned to the airship, I wasn't sure he would now. Sitting on the bed, I pulled out my rather battered looking wallet and took out a few of the rather insane pictures that had been taken during our travels.
Cid was always smiling in them, constantly upbeat until we had hit Corel. Then he had started to shy away from the camera, I wasn't sure if that was because we were number one bad guys on the Shinra hit list or because he didn't see the point of it. The last one I had one of him truly smiling was when we had just reclaimed the airship from the air dock in Junon and had just rescued Tifa and Barret from the execution the enemy had planned to sate the fear of the planet.
I had a rather private one of him though, one I didn't want to share with the rest of the group. That one was kept in my pocket. Aeris had taken it just before she had left us and she had pressed it into my hand as we had our last conversation. I didn't know why she had but it was a pretty damn good picture.
Our normally boisterous captain had been leaning against the wing of the Tiny Bronco, gazing into the setting sun. It was a very clichéd thing but he looked peaceful and contented. He didn't have his flight goggles or one of his horrid smokes in his mouth, arms crossed. His flight jacket was resting on the wing and he actually had his gloves off. His eyes were closed and it seemed that he was enjoying the fading warmth of the sun.
Tifa had kept on taking pictures after Aeris had gone, saying that she was going to show either her own kids when she had some about all the wondrous people and places that existed on the planet or Barret's little girl. The camera had then been passed onto Cait Sith when the young woman had taken her leave to look after Cloud.
I wanted to get my hands on the film that he had right now. He had been with Cloud and Cid when we needed to get the huge materia from the underwater dock in Junon. He kept hinting that he had taken a couple of rather interesting ones of our captain but refused to disclose what.
"...I should have gotten hold of the camera and took a couple of him when he was sleeping," I muttered to myself as I picked up the TV remote and switched the telly on.
That sounded creepy after I voiced it, he wouldn't take to kindly to that kind of intrusion to his privacy. Though I sure as hell would have gotten some pretty darn cute and adorable ones. Something that Tifa nor Cait Sith would be able to get.
There was nothing on, all the channels were reporting on Meteor and those that weren't doing so directly were having chat shows talking about how it would affect it and what insane ideas would stop the whole thing. Everything ranging from what had already been tried: launching a rocket at it to singing songs.
I found it laughable really that the only thing that was going to save us was literally the power of prayer. A prayer said by the last Ancient who had fallen at the hands of Sephiroth. The planet now waiting for us to help it, for us to defeat the man waiting at it's core.
Cid and I had once spoken about chat shows at great length, I had no idea as to why. It's not something I would normally discuss at all so it surprised me to have an entire conversation based on what would they call a show about us. We could fuel an entire series of those shows, starting from I'm a cross dresser right up to I slept with my boss's wife and he locked me away in a coffin for over thirty years.
At the moment, I had switched onto somebody talking about all the bad things she had done in her life. Cheating on her husband and pimping out her body to get money, usual boring stuff. Part of me was glad that if the world ended, then it would stop this stupid need to air dirty laundry on public television.
I closed my eyes, trying to ignore how quiet the room was without my usual companion. Even if we didn't talk, my heightened senses would pick up his breathing and silent laughing when we watched some cheesy comedy. All I could do right now was to get some rest and hope that the morning brought some kind of miracle. I leant back and settled into the bed, not bothering to pull my covers over me.
The door to the room opened slowly and it took all my will power not to crack an eye open to see if it was Cid. I wanted too, more than anything on the planet but I didn't want to start a fight with him. We only had a king size bed and that was going to be a problem tonight if he was still seething over the kiss.
"I know you're awake," he said softly, "Come on, we have to go and catch the boat back to the airship."
So he was going to act like nothing happened? Fair enough, at least he didn't sound like he was going to kick my ass anytime soon though he was quieter than he had ever been and that made me uneasy.
I got off the bed and switched the TV off manually, "...yeah. Time for us to go back."
Cid it seemed had caught sight of the pictures on the bed and picked up the one that I usually kept in my breast pocket. The one of him looking nostalgic and he looked at me with the same look he had given me earlier right after I had kissed him.
"...you're fucking weird," he cursed but none of the anger he had earlier was in it.
A smile flickered on his lips before he turned and left the room. I quickly gathered the rest of the pictures and picked up on the fact that Cid still had the one that Aeris had given me. What was he going to do with it? It filled me with concern that he was going to destroy it or bin it.
He was already walking down the stairs when I left the room and I wondered if he would even engage in any kind of conversation with me. Shera had once told me that a calm and reasonable Cid Highwind is far more volatile and unpredictable creature than a ranting and raving one. At least with the angry Cid, you knew he was just blowing off steam.
"You found the reason why you want to battle Sephiroth?" I asked as I caught up with him.
Cid stopped and leaned against the wall in the stairwell, "Not yet but I ain't going to let my friends down by not showing up."
I was ready for shaking him, did he not hear what Cloud had said? We can't fight without a reason and if we didn't come back, it would be okay. I rubbed my forehead and suppressed a sigh.
"You need to have a reason," I said softly but somehow I knew that he was lying. He did have a reason but he couldn't or wouldn't admit to it.
"What are you fighting for?" Cid poked me in the chest, staying calm seemed to be a new trick he was doing really well.
I smiled, "Friendship. You guys are kinda like my first real friends and I don't wanna lose that."
The pilot nodded before making his move again down the stairs but like before, he stopped after a few steps. He wasn't acting like himself and it was throwing me off. I think I preferred him being angry to this new and calm version of him. I could handle the furious energy of the chief, that was easy.
"Though you're pretty damn willing to fuck up our friendship," he shook his head but he still had that calmness to himself, "You're lying. Why are you fighting?"
"Honestly?" I wanted to add, 'you won't hit me?' if I confessed but I knew that I would be pushing it.
"Yep."
How do I express words that would not be welcomed? I shrugged, a really small part of me wanting to turn back time and not kiss him. Another part wanted to plant a kiss on his lips and to take him right there. If I couldn't tell him, then I would show him but again, I'd probably be spending my last few days alive in traction.
"I want to think of you as more than just a friend but it's clear you don't want me to," I offered.
Nothing from him but he elegantly jumped the rest of the four steps out of the hotel. If I didn't know better, I'd say he was toying with me failing that...maybe he was stoned. I hated not knowing what was going on in his head, normally I would be able to with the greatest of ease but right now?
I shook my head but followed him out, half expecting him to ambush me and kick the crap out of me. I was tempted to call Shera to find out more about this new Cid I was encountering but I refrained. Calling Shera might cause Cid to really strike out at me.
No ambush or attack came as I felt the softness of the wind on my face, Cid didn't seem to say anything as he waited for me to catch up with him. He pulled out a smoke but looked at it with a second thought. The last one he had, he had let burn. Maybe it was his last one and perhaps he was going to save it for the last battle.
"Cid...are...are you alright? I mean, really?" frustratingly, he turned round and started over to the small dock. Now he was completely ignoring my questions.
"You coming or what?" Cid called over his shoulder, walking slowly over to the steps that lead the way to the dock.
The more I watched him, the more I was convinced that my friend had taken some kind of drug to change his attitude. No fire, passion or energy seemed to come from him and it was like he was walking around with his soul numb. What had I done?
It took us a few moments to get to the waiting boat, the loyal crewmen looked at us with mild interest but nothing else. As long as we paid our hundred gil to cross the water, then they didn't care. Not that I really cared either, they stayed out of our way if we agreed to help move some cargo as well when asked.
Cid paid our fare, he didn't even look back at me but he muttered something under his breath. He made a small gesture with his hand which I assumed was his version of 'i'm-going-to-my-room' and I let him go. At least for the moment so I could gather some courage to tackle him again.
Cid's pov
It took me a while to decide that I had to get back to the hotel room. I didn't want to face Vincent but I couldn't leave things the way they were. The guy had pretty much opened himself up for me and I had ran a flipping mile for his troubles.
I hadn't meant to, not really anyhow. I was just surprised as to how he felt about me, damn crazy son of a bitch thought I was cute. Last time I was cute was when I was a damn cranky little baby, dressed in the bog standard baby gear. How come Cloud and Barret get 'look how handsome those men are' or Vincent usually gets hauntingly beautiful and I'm stuck with cute?
The beach resort was practically empty and I had the entire shore to myself. I used that to my advantage, I kicked, screamed and shouted. Random insults to myself, Cloud, Vincent, Hojo, Sephiroth and the rest of AVALANCHE. Many different rants and languages slipped over my tongue as Cloud's and Hojo's and Sephiroth's mothers were a target of my rage for a good few minutes.
My throat was dry and hurt like hell by the time I had finished my insane rants, missing how Shera would usually creep into my room with a cup of tea after one of my many hissy fits at her. God...Shera...that poor woman I had tormented over the past couple of years, waiting patiently for either salvation or damnation from the one man who had wrongly cursed her life.
Somehow, don't ask me how though, I felt myself going and dialling my home in Rocket Town on my cell phone. Part of me hoping that I wouldn't need to speak to her but another desperately seeking to hear a voice of warm and calm reason. We had sorted out our differences after Palmer had launched the rocket a few weeks back, agreeing that while we couldn't go back in time and change it, we could at least build a stronger friendship from the charred remains of a once close and intimate relationship.
The phone was doing it's forth ring and I considered hanging up, she might be at her mother's or something. I had told her to get the hell outta Rocket Town, wanting her to be with her family if the shit really hit the fan.
"Hello?" a rough gentle voice emerged from the plastic I held in my hands, I must have woke her up.
"...hey. Did I wake ya?" I asked in a tone that I wasn't exactly known for.
"A little," Shera responded, I could hear her yawn.
I realised that she should have been with her mother or somebody right now. I had told her to go off and stay with someone, I didn't want her to die all alone in the house if we got our arses kicked and handed back to us from Sephiroth. Maybe I should have went home to make sure she went off somewhere.
"Thought I told ya to head over to your mum's," I scolded but only mildly, "I don't want you to be alone when...well, I just don't like the idea of you being alone."
"I'm alright," those two words crashed through my skull like sledgehammers.
I'm alright. Alright. Nothing was alright right now. Everything was not alright. Meteor, that flower girl dying, Cloud going nuts, the fall of the blasted Shinra and numerous different other things that had occurred and I was now faced with Shera. She claimed to be always alright, no matter what was happening.
"Are you alright?" Shera actually sounded concerned for me, not the quiet little mumble she would ask whenever I was in a really pissy mood because I couldn't do something because I was either to stoned or drunk to care.
"...Shera...I...you're a good person, ya know that right?" I stumbled, unsure what was going to tumble out from my mouth, "I don't deserve a friend like you but I needed you. You stopped me from going over..."
Thank god she stopped me from sounding like an idiot, "Stop that. Captain, as much as I like talking to the new and sensitive you, we've said all we had to in the escape pod."
Ouch, that fucking hurt but was this her way of trying to kick me out of her life ever so gently? We had spoken together when the town was celebrating the unconventional success of the rocket launch set by the human butterball that was fatman Palmer. I apologised as best I could, she had saved my worthless life and I would never doubt the girl's mechanical skills ever again for as long as I drew breath.
I still couldn't believe that I had the stupidity to question her when I asked about the status of the escape pod and if it was safe to use. I had felt the imaginary smack of the piece of wood against my skull as the words fell from my mouth and I had at least managed to look and sound apologetic for even thinking it.
"Listen Shera," I swallowed, my throat hurting like hell, "I need your advice on something."
She must have looked stunned as I asked that, it was rare for me to admit that I needed help on anything or to even want some advice from somebody that wasn't my own overblown ego. Maybe she would have an answer for me about how to deal with my current 6 foot problem.
"Go on..." thankfully she seemed curious though how would she react to me saying that I was thinking about a sexual relationship with a rather scary bloke?
"Someone made a...made a pass at me," I admitted expecting her to laugh out loud at that, "and I ran a mile."
I heard her ah ha softly, "Okay...do you like this person? Find them attractive?"
Did I find Vincent attractive? Did I even really like him as a person? I wouldn't have known if he had been alive if it hadn't been for AVALANCHE waltzing into town with the idea of stealing the Tiny Bronco. He was one hell of an attractive looking guy but I still didn't get why he had called me cute.
"...they called me cute," I replied softly, almost whining like a little girl "you believe that?"
Shera laughed lightly at that, "You can be. When you don't smoke or curse at some innocent little soul. Cid, I want you to be happy. That's all, maybe this person wants the same thing too."
After everything we had been through, she still thought I was cute? Dammit! Vincent wants to be happy, Shera wants to be happy and I want to be happy but Shera and Vincent both want me to be happy...did that damn woman know something about me that I didn't?
I looked at my watch, sighing mentally. Time for me to head back to the room and back to the damn boat. Little known fact, I hated travelling by water. Could fly over it no problem but when it came down to crossing or going underneath it, that was when the problems came. I get seasick. Badly but I sure as hell wasn't going to let that damn kleptomaniac who threw up on my airship know that.
Captain Cid Highwind was not known for throwing up on any mode of travel but I can't handle boats. Even just the thought of them sent shivers down my damn spine. Hell, I almost wound up in the corner of the damn Shinra sub that we stole, Cloud managed to get over his travel sickness once he was in the driver's seat but I couldn't relax until I was back up in the air. I still don't know why I felt so damn claustrophobic, but if men were meant to roam the ocean floor, we would have gills.
"Remind me to hide a spider in your closet when I get back," I teased tiredly, "I gotta go. Take care Shera."
No reply as I hung up but I didn't expect one. Doubted Shera would even expect me home within the next week, she was a bright girl. She knew the chances we were taking and what could happen if it went pear shaped.
Walking to the hotel felt like I was wading through mud. I felt tired, sore and my body was complaining about me not resting well at all these past few weeks. I had vowed to sleep after we saved the planet, a nice long hot bath with a cold beer right before fell into a nice comfy bed.
Didn't take long to reach the door and I could hear the television on from behind it. For a couple of seconds, I wondered if I had the right room. Vincent never watches TV, he doesn't like any of the programmes, not that I blame him. It is kinda crap but, I had taken a shining to the new Doctor Who series. That was kick ass.
Deliberately, I opened the door slowly. I wanted to make Vincent suffer for some reason, for anything really. I didn't really care why, I just felt like he had to be punished for something but I was just being petty. He had bared his soul and I had been scared. The former Turk was lying sleeping on the bed but I knew he wasn't. He was a very light sleeper and he seemed to be taking up most of the bed.
"I know you're awake," I said quietly not wanting to ruin the silence that had fallen, "Come on, we have to go and catch the boat back to the airship."
He seemed to pause for a long second before he opened his eyes, I don't know if he knew it but surprise flashed through them. The air between us however, became weird. The line of friendship we once had was still there though. Clinging for dear life.
Vincent with his usual grace got off the bed and he switched the telly off at the machine, "...yeah. Time for us to go back."
Seemed he had been looking at some pictures, they were all scattered across the bed. Loads of the group together but there was one that caught my attention. One had a fold across the middle, as though it had been placed in a wallet and was taken out on a regular basis. If he had this photo since Aeris had left, why hadn't he bothered to make his feelings clear then? Why now?
I had to say something but I knew I didn't mean it, "...you're fucking weird."
A smile tugged on my lips as I turned and left. I wasn't going to play easy and if he wanted a conversation, for once, he'd have to start one. My eyes kept looking at the picture I still had in my hands. The one Aeris had taken and I couldn't help but think about the brave little flower girl.
Strangely enough, I had began to feel calm. I could hear the light footsteps of Vincent quickly doing his best to catch up to me. I stayed a few steps in front of him, trying my best not to stop, fearing my own actions if I did.
"You found the reason why you want to battle Sephiroth?" he was slightly out of breath as he stayed a step behind.
I hadn't but I wasn't going to fully admit to it, not in a long month of Sundays. AVALANCHE needed all the insane bastards that it had managed to accumulate over the first few weeks of the real fight for the planet.
"Not yet but I ain't going to let my friends down by not showing up."
Vincent rubbed his head, was I annoying him? Had I said something to annoy the hell out of him? Oh good, that made me feel a little better about myself, knowing that I could still drive people up the fucking wall. Made me feel normal. Again, Vincent spoke in that quiet way he had.
"You need to have a reason," his tone made me think that I was simply lying to myself. That I did know.
Poking him in the chest, "What are you fighting for?"
A small part of me melted when he smiled so openly. It was a rare thing to see on the pale former Turk and I had to admit, he always looked better when he was smiling. He had the odd wrinkle in the corner of his eyes and it made him look normal when he showed emotions.
"Friendship. You guys are kinda like my first real friends and I don't wanna lose that," was his reply but was that a rehearsed answer?
That was his true reason though? Friendship? I don't think so...at least not really. I pondered the answer for a few more moments before I stopped at a couple of steps, did I really really wanna know the answer?
I couldn't bring myself to truly and utterly believe him, "Though you're pretty damn willing to fuck up our friendship. You're lying. Why are you fighting?"
The words 'but you'll hit me' seemed to scream after the one word answer he decided to give me, "Honestly?"
"Yep."
"I want to think of you as more than just a friend but it's clear that you don't want me to," Vincent had managed to find honesty might actually work and was keeping a respectful distance from me.
Still couldn't figure out why the hell he wanted to possibly be my first and last gay experience on the planet. Jumps and leaps were rather easy for me and I landed gracefully at the bottom of the stairs leading from the hotel. Vincent's body language screamed that he was confused as hell about my sudden actions and wanting to go back and change what he did. At least, I think he wants to change it.
If I couldn't determine what the hell I wanted, what made him sure that he knew what was best for me? For all I knew, I actually did want him to jump me and that I was scared as hell to make the first move.
I pulled out a smoke but decided against it. I was going to need to save a few of the white cancer sticks if I was planning on stubbing out a fag end on the mutilated corpse of that fucking idiot Sephiroth.
The dock wasn't that far from us and all I wanted was at least a couple hours sleep before I decided on what I would do with my remaining hours of freedom. Ignoring him probably wasn't the best thing as I had been the one to start this by telling him to take what he wants.
"Cid...are..." Vincent seemed to develop a stutter, "are you alright? I mean, really?"
Like hell I was but Highwinds weren't known for telling the truth when we were hurting, "You coming or what?"
There was silence after that. I even ignored the looks we for from the dock crew when I paid for the fare across the water but paying them meant that they didn't inform the Shinra that they had two of the most wanted people on the planet in the belly of the boat. Vincent helped with moving cargo during the trip but I spent more time in the room we shared, throwing up.
Once the fare was paid, I headed to the room. Ignoring my friend but I muttered about needing some sleep before I talked more openly. I motioned that I was heading to the room, really glad that Vincent had decided to stay behind for the moment.