Chapter Ten: Sanctuary
My mind was plagued with nightmares that I just couldn't seem to wake from. I felt as if I was stuck inside myself, unable to find the way out. I dreamt of Paulus and Ashur. They took turns attacking me, attempting to rape me in any way they could. Fighting back, every time I thought I got the upper hand they would force me down, beating me into submission. All the while I heard Varro's voice in my head, repeating 'I love you' over and over and over again. Soon all sound fell away except for his voice. Then there was searing pain, a sword in my stomach, and I now lay in the middle of a battlefield. Looking around I saw all my family and friends dead on the ground. The sound of fighting still raging around me. Blood ran freely from me, making me feel weak and afraid. Jumping as a body dropped next to me and I turned my head to see Varro. His eyes clouded as he looked at me with an endless stare, blood running from the corner of his mouth. Reaching out to him, I screamed my agony.
I was still screaming when my eyes shot open, the sound of it an echo in my head. Shaking racked my form. I was still in a ball, my side aching with a pain that was almost unbearable. Shifting, I suppressed a yell, managing to roll onto my back, stretching out. It hurt beyond measure but it was a pain that was pleasurable. Varro's arm lay across my abdomen, putting my hand on it before looking at him. He looked pale, the rims of his eyes red, his brows furrowed as he slept. Feeling weak, I slowly lifted my hand up, trailing the back of my fingers across his cheek. He slowly opened his eyes and met mine. Smiling at him, I ran my fingers across his lips, looking at them before meeting his eyes. The blueness of them seemed diminished. Sad. In the next second he was sobbing, making my heart break. Not caring about the pain, I rolled onto my side, wrapping my arms around him, pulling him against my chest. He wrapped me in his arms, holding me tightly as he sobbed into my neck. Running my hand down the back of his head, I silently cried with him, telling him that everything was going to be all right. Though it seemed my words brought a new wave of tears from him. The sound of him was heartbreaking. I had seen him cry but the sobs that were coming from him now were unbearable.
"I love you." I told him, gripping his hair. "I love you. Everything is going to be okay." His grip on me tightened. "Varro, my love, everything is okay." His sobs intensified. "Speak to me." I told him as my throat started to tighten with my own sobs.
His sobs slowed, his hands moving up and down my back, my neck slick with his tears. "I thought I was going to lose you." He told me with a shuddering breath.
"I'm right here." I smiled as I kissed his neck. "I'm right here, my love. I'm not going anywhere."
"You're sick." He whispered. "I was so afraid that you were going to slip away."
"You can't get rid of me so easily." I smiled trying to ease his pain, though my shaking took away from my words.
"You're everything to me." He said leaning away just far enough to meet my eyes.
"And you're everything to me." I smiled kissing him sweetly. "I'm going to be okay."
"Now that you're awake." He said running his hand down my hair. A sob escaped his throat as he stared at me.
"You're breaking my heart." I told him with furrowed brows as I wiped the tears from his cheeks. "Please don't cry."
He nodded, though more tears fell, "I love you."
Smiling, I kissed him deeply, "And I love you."
Resting my head against his chest, I couldn't help the exhaustion that came over me. I would be all right but there was still much resting that needed to be done. Shutting my eyes, I fell asleep to him running his hand down my hair, his fingers trailing up and down my spine.
The next time I woke I felt more alert and all shaking had subsided. I was drenched in sweat, meaning my fever had broken, and I finally felt warm. Varro's arms were still wrapped around me tightly. Unable to sleep any more, I put my hand against his face, kissing him deeply. It took only a moment for him to start to kiss me back, making me grin as I kissed him repeatedly.
"You seem better." He told me when I finally pulled away, resting my hand on his face, running my thumb across his bottom lip, smiling as I watched him speak. "Your shaking is gone and you no longer burn."
"Not with fever." I smiled at him. "I burn with my need for you."
He laughed; the sound music to my ears, "I think we should wait until you've fully recovered."
Sighing, I nodded and kissed him. "You're a smart man."
"I simply know you well." He smiled pulling me so I was flush against his body.
"Better than anyone." I smiled before placing a long kiss against his chest.
Placing one of his own against my forehead, I felt him relax, "Just as you know me."
For a moment I just looked at him, running my fingers through his hair, across his face, neck, chest and arms. Anywhere I could reach. But I knew there were things to discuss. There was no time to simply bask in his presence. Even though that was all I truly needed. Him.
"Now then, I think it is time you tell me what has happened in my absence." I told him gently. He furrowed his brows, kissing me gently and deeply before he nodded at me, running his fingers through my hair.
Taking the time to tell me what I'd missed, it was hard to hear that I'd been asleep for three days. Oenomaus was going to be fine and my family had been lining up to see me before I passed from this world. Varro had been adamant that no one enter without his permission. Mira and Spartacus, as well as Naevia and Crixus, were allowed in, no one else was granted entrance. He hadn't wanted anyone to see me in such a state. I thanked him for that. I woke up once and that was enough for me to know that I looked like I wasn't going to survive.
"But I'm all right." I told him when he finally stopped talking, running my fingers through his hair.
"For a time I did not think it so." He said sadly.
Sighing, I kissed him quickly when I noticed the tears returning to his eyes. "Feel that?" I asked with my lips against his. He made a soft noise, kissing me sweetly. "I am right here and I am well. I am never going to leave you." He nodded, kissing me again. "Do you believe me?"
"Yes." He said running his hand down my hair.
For a moment everything was right in the world, but then I remembered the reason that it I had not kissed him before the mines, how I did not lay at his side the night before, or how I thought I was going to die knowing that I hadn't made amends with him. "Please forgive me, Varro." I told him as tears filled my eyes.
"For what?" He frowned at me.
"For being angry with you." I replied with a pained expression.
Smiling, he ran his fingers down my face, shaking his head, "There is no need for forgiveness. It's already forgotten."
"It shouldn't be." I frowned.
"Why not?" He frowned harder with concern.
"I never asked you what you were feeling. I simply reacted defensively because of my memories of that place. You don't understand what it was like but I never asked you what you were feeling."
"Ask me now." He said gently.
"What are you feeling about everything that's happened?" I asked.
He sighed, taking a deep breath as ran his fingers across my arm. "I am jealous of Caius. He found you and saved you when it should have been me. I should have been there for you. I tried so hard to find you and he swooped in and took you in his arms right from under me. I'm afraid that he holds a part of you that is no longer mine. I'm afraid that after everything that's happened to you that you are different and I don't know what to say or do anymore." He said and paused. Kissing him sweetly, I stayed silent, waiting for him to go on. "I am constantly afraid that something is going to happen to you. I should be strong and be fighting along Spartacus but I have trouble leaving your side for even a moment. I want to be here for you in every way that I can. I have become more fragile than a newborn babe." He said with annoyance. "In the end I fear that it is I who has changed. I am the one who is no longer the same. I spent so much time lost in grief that I haven't been there for Spartacus like I should have been. I know I should be more present in the rebellion but my only concern is you. Keeping you alive and safe and with me." He said sitting up, a deep frown on his face. Slowly sitting up next to him, putting my weight on my arm, I put my hand on his thigh, meeting his eyes. "Now you are a leader of the people and I am the inferior one. There is so much to take in that I know not what to do. I support you and your decisions and yet follow Spartacus." He said with an air of confusion. "I am lost."
"You are not lost." I finally spoke. "Varro, I follow Spartacus just as you do. No decision I make is different from his. And you know how I feel about leading. I don't want it. But they do, which makes it difficult when it's thirty some to one." He smiled, taking my hand, our fingers playing with each other before they laced together. "As for the rest of it…you are no different now than you were under Batiatus. I am no different than I was then either. I am stronger then I used to be. I've experienced more and have grown with each experience, but I'm no different. The same can be said for you." I told him and slowly shifted myself so I was sitting in his lap, letting him support all my weight, the energy making me feel weak. "You hold all of me, Varro. No other person dead or alive holds more of me than you. Caius is nothing to me compared to you. None of them are. You too are my only concern. I have responsibilities now that I didn't before but they mean little to me in comparison to you. You must know this. You are most precious to me. I would die for you in an instant where any of them are dispensable in my eyes. I would be sad if I lost any but if I lost you I'd be following the moment after. You have no reason to feel jealous or not of worth. You are the most worthy man I have ever met. You deserve so much more than what this world has given you."
"Lies." He said with a frown, gaining one from me as well. "This world gave me you." Smiling, I kissed him deeply. "I will attempt to be more pleasant to your people."
"No." I told him with a shake of my head. "Simply be you."
"And you as well."
"No matter what happens, Varro. I am yours and only yours. Heart, body, and soul. Nothing you say or do will ever change that. We will argue, and not see eye to eye on everything, but even when I am the angriest at you I will still love you more than anyone else ever could." He nodded and kissed me passionately. "I love you."
"I love you." He said and kissed me again, gently rolling me onto my back, cradling me in his strong arms as we continued to kiss.
"Now, no more of this serious talk." I told him matter-of-factly when our lips finally parted. "It's time I get up and move around. I am also in need of food and water."
"Are you sure you're up to it?" He asked with furrowed brows.
"Help me up." I told him.
He did as he was told, steadying me as I threatened to fall back to the ground. "See? It's too soon to be up and moving." He told me sternly as he put his hands on my arms.
"It was but a moment of dizziness, nothing more." I smiled at him.
Sighing, he wrapped his arm tightly around my waist, keeping me steady, holding my hand in the other so I could transfer as much of my weight as I needed to him. Moving from the room, it was only moment before a wave of whispers filled the air as the news passed from person to person all through the temple. It took only a few minutes for running to be heard and Mira and Naevia appeared around a corner, Crixus and Spartacus close behind them. Tears sprung to my eyes as I beamed at them, opening my arms as they rushed to me. Varro only let go when their arms were around me, holding me in place as we laughed and hugged each other.
"You are well." Naevia said as she took my face in her hands.
"As are you." I replied doing the same. "We're together again."
"All of us." Mira said placing a quick kiss against both our cheeks. "Our family is whole again."
"Lea." Spartacus said softly.
My sisters released me, keeping me steady as the Bringer of Rain stepped up to me. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I couldn't hold back the tears that fell against his shoulder. Running my hand down the back of his head, I laughed, releasing him so I could meet his eyes.
"It is good to see you." I told him.
"You gave us quite a scare." He stated as he ran he hand down the side of my head.
"I hope it's the last."
"As do we all." Crixus said as he stepped up to me, putting his hand on my back.
"Crixus." I beamed, crying further as I wrapped my arms around him, sighing against his neck. His grip was tighter than the others, making my wounds start to pulse with pain. Ignoring it, I hugged him just as tightly, feeling more bonded with him after the days past. "Are you well?"
"I am." He smiled kissing my cheek as we released each other.
"Gratitude for everything you did for me." I smiled at him. "You kept me alive."
"We kept each other alive." He replied kissing my forehead before wrapping me in his arms again. Sighing against him, I felt safer than I ever had before.
Letting him go again, Varro was at my side, both men leading me to the courtyard where food and water would be found. Sitting me on the steps, Varro sat with me while Spartacus was kind enough to fetch me something to eat and drink. All the while I felt fingers against my shoulders as people greeted me. Most were my own and it seemed many came to settle in my vicinity. Caius, Antonia, and Felix were close by but it seemed they were keeping their distance for now. I felt a small amount of guilt for not being more involved with them but I couldn't help it. I was far more concerned with Varro and the others to give it more than a passing thought. Perhaps if I ignored them enough they'd release their hold on me, leaving me to be with my love and leading our group of rebels on their own. More now than ever, I did not want to lead these people. I was not fit to lead. If I left Caius in charge long enough perhaps they'd see that and simply follow him. I did not want it and would do what I had to do to make it so.
"I'm getting tired." I told Varro as I leaned against his side. My stomach was full and my thirst had been quenched. "All these eyes on me…" I said looking at everyone.
"Let's return to our room." He smiled at me. Nodding at him, he was about to help me up when Caius came forward. "She's not up for any more talk."
"I must break words with her." He told my love.
"What is it, Caius?" I asked him with a small voice. "I'm tired, so speak quickly."
"What do you plan on doing once you recover?" He asked.
"Whatever Spartacus needs me to do." I told him.
"You'll follow him blindly?" He asked with furrowed brows.
"I'll follow him to whatever end." I frowned as I got to my feet on my own, feeling horribly unstable but managing to keep my balance. "You knew my intentions the moment you rescued me. Take charge of your people and do what you think is best."
"Our people." He frowned harder.
"No." I told him. "I do not want to lead them. I am not fit to be a leader."
"They won't listen to me." He stated matter-of-factly.
"Make them." I told him coldly. "Varro." I said softly, looking at him, he was smiling up at me. Standing, he wrapped his arm around me, leading me back to our room. My mouth dropped slightly when I noticed a bed sitting in the middle of it. "What's this?"
"I don't know." He smiled.
"We wanted you to be comfortable." Naevia told me as she stepped into view.
"Gratitude." I beamed at her.
"Anything for you." She smiled kissing my cheek as she took my hands in hers.
"Gratitude." I repeated with heavy emotion.
"Rest. Everything will seem better tomorrow." She smiled, putting her hand on Varro's arm before taking her leave.
Looking at the bed, I stepped up to it, running my hand along it before smiling up at Varro. He kissed me deeply before crawling onto the bed, doing the same, lying on my good side, facing him with a broad smile. It was extremely comfortable, so much so that I felt twice as drowsy now that I was lying in it.
"You look happy." Varro commented.
"I am happy." I smiled. "I'm with you."
"Do you think Caius will be able to convince the others not to follow you?" He asked.
"I don't know." I said furrowing my brows. "I hope so. I do not wish to lead those people. My only wish it to remain at your side and help Spartacus fight the Romans. I do not want people looking to me for answers. I am no leader."
"I think you could lead them if you wanted to. You're capable enough."
"I'm not capable of anything. I've nearly died thrice since I've been with them. How am I to lead when I can hardly take care of myself?"
"You can take care of yourself. It's when you're protecting others that trouble finds you."
"I do not want to talk about this." I told him irritably.
"Okay." He nodded and kissed my forehead. "Rest."
Nodding with an exasperated sigh, I shut my eyes, nestling closer to his chest. I had hoped for a good night's sleep; however the same nightmares that had plagued me while I was burning with fever once again plagued my mind. Sitting, I turned and looked at Varro. He was sleeping soundly. Taking a deep shuddering breath, I tried to calm myself. Shaking racked my form, only this time it was a cold sweat that brought it on. Shutting my eyes, stray tears slid from their corners as I tilted my head back, taking a deep breath. Lying back down, I looked at Varro, resting my hand against his face. He had put so much time into taking care of me he hadn't been taking care of himself. He was exhausted. Smiling at I watched him sleep, I pressed a kiss against his forehead, gently running my fingers through his hair and down his chest. Closing my eyes, I attempted to fall back asleep but it was no use. Every time I shut my eyes I saw Paulus and Ashur and Varro's dead body. These dreams would do me in if I couldn't forget about them. I needed to put what happened to me in the past. But how was I supposed to do that? Frowning, I placed a gentle kiss against his lips, pulling our blanket further up his body to stave off any chill, before I stood up.
Moving from the room, I slowly walked through the temple, hearing crackling fires and hushed voices. When I reached the room Oenomaus was in, I saw Gannicus sleeping in a chair next to him. Stepping inside, I took Oenomaus's hand, squeezing it as I placed a gentle kiss against his forehead. Running my hand along the smoothness of his head, I placed another kiss before I moved from the room, gently touching Gannicus's shoulder in the process. Moving toward the entrance to the temple I saw Spartacus moving through the crowds of rebels, ever the sentinel. The sky was still dark, telling me that I hadn't slept as long as I had hoped.
Seeing me moving toward him, Spartacus smiled, opening his arms to me. "Lea."
"Spartacus." I smiled, wrapping my arms around him.
"You should be resting." He stated keeping one arm around me as we started to walk again.
"I've been having nightmares." I replied briefly resting my head against his shoulder.
"You're safe here." He told me, kissing my forehead. "You're home."
"I am." I smiled up at him. "And I am very happy to be home."
"Crixus told me about where you were. He said Ashur came for you." He said with a hard tone.
"He didn't hurt me. I wouldn't let him." I told him matter-of-factly.
"Good." He said squeezing me tighter. "Your road has not been easy. I'm happy you're recovering well. I would be lost without you."
"You would be fine." I told him with a raised brow. "It would have been more fuel for the hatred you have for Rome."
"That is true." He smirked at me. "But I don't need another reason to do what I am."
"I know." I nodded gently rubbing his back. "I want my death to hold meaning. I will not allow it to happen until that time comes."
"It will never come." He said placing a kiss into my hair. "You and Varro will survive to see the end of this war and you will make a home and a family. Most importantly, you will live to see old age and die happy after a lifetime of love that none can touch."
Smiling, I put my hand on his face, kissing his cheek. "You'll be there with us."
He didn't reply. He simply rubbed my arm, pulling me tighter against his side as we continued to walk. Taking my leave of him, I passed where Naevia and Crixus lay sleeping. His arms were wrapped around her in loving embrace, tight and possessive. I knew that nothing would ever harm her again. He would never allow it. Missing Varro after mere minutes apart from him, I returned to our room, smiling as looked at him. His hand rested on the spot where I had been laying. Returning to my place at his side, I gently moved against him, making him subconsciously wrap his arm around me. Smiling, I rested my head on his arm, staring at him. He was the most beautiful man I have ever seen. No one would ever be as beautiful as him. Resting my hand on his face, I kissed him gently, unable to help myself. For a moment I couldn't help but think of how fortunate I was to have a man that loved me as much as he did. Despite how we had started, there was no one I could love more in this life or in any other.
When morning came I found myself alone. The blanket now pulled up to my shoulders to stave off any chill in his absence. Though nothing was as warm as Varro's body against mine. Smiling, I ran my hand along the empty space that he had occupied. I wasn't sure how long I slept but this time I felt wonderful. My body was free of pain and my mind was quiet from all heavy thoughts. Sitting up, I listened to the sounds of the temple. Many voices could be heard, telling me that the house was awake. Standing, I kept the blanket wrapped around me as I made my way from the room, passing many as I went to find Varro, nodding as they did the same to me.
"Morning." Antonia said handing me a glass of water.
"Morning." I smiled at her.
"You look as if more sleep is needed." She commented.
"Nightmares came to me again last night." I told her.
"Paulus?" She asked. Still smiling, I nodded at her. "He's dead. We're safer than we have ever been."
"Yes. But can you honestly tell me that you never see his face when you close your eyes?" I asked her with furrowed brows.
"No." She said smiling as she took my hand. "But I choose to forget him and all he did. We have a better life than we ever hoped to have before."
"Yes we do." I smiled at her. "Come, let's get breakfast."
The remainder of the previous days kill was already being cooked over a fire. Platters of fruits and vegetables were set out, people lining up to take a portion. Doing the same, I spoke casually with Antonia and Vita, Felix joining us with another man introducing him to me as Aelius. Standing at the sidelines, eating and talking, I saw Caius across the courtyard talking to an enticing blond. Antonia told me her name was Chadara who was continuously seeking to elevate herself by laying with any high stationed gladiator in our ranks. Caius was a Roman of note who turned on his people. He still had much to give and a pretty face seeking him in ways that he craved would be very enticing to him.
"You almost look jealous." Vita grinned.
Scoffing, I shook my head at her, adding my plate to the stack that had already started to grow. Antonia laughed at her, "Then you've never seen her with Varro." She said nudging me. "She's madly in love with him it's almost unbearable."
"I cannot help it. I've found the one I'm meant to be with." I smiled though a burning blush filled my cheeks.
"Is he handsome?" A voice said from behind me.
Smiling, I turned to see Varro beaming down at me. "Very."
"Does he have a good sense of humor?"
"He thinks he does." I smirked at him.
"Then he must at least be good in bed." He said putting his hands on my hips.
"He makes me feel alive in ways that cannot be described." I told him softly, leaning against him. Taking my head in his hands he kissed me deeply, receiving a scoff from Vita.
Antonia laughed, "See? Almost unbearable."
Laughing with her, I wrapped my arm around Varro, "I simply can't help myself."
We all laughed, the sound foreign and yet wonderful to hear. There wasn't enough laughter in our lives. Something I hoped would change now that we were all together again. Sitting around a small fire, we all talked, learning more about each other than we had known before. Naevia and Mira joined us for a time before their men distracted them and they were soon on the move again. Varro was open to the people I'd brought with me, making a wave of relief flow through me. Sitting between his legs, leaning against his chest, I felt content. More content then I'd ever been. I had the love of my life and was surrounded by family and friends. Not one person could ask for a better life.
The only drawback was the fact that we were being hunted. The Romans would never leave us alone. They would always be searching for us. They would always be out for our blood just as much as we were out for theirs. Only we were smarter. We had the element of surprise. They had no idea where we were and finding out their next move was easier than they thought. They moved in mass numbers where we were few enough to slip away without a trace.
Happily running my fingers up and down Varro's arm that was wrapped around me, I smiled at my friends. Antonia was quick to tell them of my antics with Paulus, avoiding all the negative aspects, keeping it light. Though Varro's fingers started moving across my side every time Paulus's name was mentioned, telling me that he was still struggling with what happened. I was moving past it, he would be able to do the same, even if more time was needed. Distraction followed as I saw Gannicus appear at the top of the steps. He held a jug of wine in one hand, a frown on his face. Getting to my feet, I ran my hand down Varro's face before walking toward the famed gladiator.
"Hello." I smiled at him.
"Hello." He grinned back, wrapping his arm around me. "You look well."
"I feel well. How do you fare?" He simply nodded at me, taking a drink of the wine. "Gannicus." I said stepping in front of him, putting my hand on his chest. "Please tell me how you are. It's been a long time."
He looked at me for a long moment before he replied, "I am well."
"Are you certain?"
"Yes." He nodded.
"How is Oenomaus?"
"He will be fine." He replied.
"Yet he still hasn't woken?"
"He will soon." Nodding, I wanted to say something more to him but he was the first to break the silence. "Spartacus has asked that I stay."
"What answer did you give?" I asked with curiosity.
"I am a free man. This is not my fight." He stated.
"It can be." I told him with furrowed brows. "A man with your skill would be very coveted amongst us. You may be more skilled than Spartacus himself."
"No." He told me with a smile. "He is a very skilled gladiator. He will do right by all those who follow him."
"And you won't?"
"I am not a leader."
"Neither am I." I stated. "Yet I have those who refuse to follow anyone else."
"Apologies." He grinned.
Laughing lightly, I wrapped my arms around him. "I am happy you're here and would wish for you to stay."
"Lea." He frowned gently pulling me away from him. "I do not wish to start a war. I am free."
"We are all free." I frowned back at him.
"It's not the same." He said turning back inside the temple.
"Gannicus." I said with a hard tone but he continued to walk. "Gannicus!" I called louder but he simply ignored me.
"Is everything all right?" Caius asked as he stepped up to me.
"Why do you men have to be so difficult?" I frowned at him before walking into the temple, veering off in the opposite direction as Gannicus.
Pacing the halls, I came across Crixus sitting alone in his and Naevia's room. I was going to pass him by when I noticed the expression on his face. It was sad and distant. Stepping inside the room, I took tentative steps toward him.
"Crixus?" I said gently.
He didn't even look at me. "Lea."
Sitting on the edge of the bed next to him, I folded one leg underneath me so I could face him, and slowly took his hand. Smiling at him, I leaned forward, gently running my fingers through his hair. "Tell me what's wrong."
"It's nothing you need concern yourself with." He told me, still not meeting my eyes.
"Crixus, look at me." I said gently.
"No." He said with a hard tone.
"Look at me."
"If I do, all my secrets will slip out."
"Look. At. Me." Finally turning his head, his eyes met mine, a sadness in them that made my heart break. "Now then, tell me what is wrong."
"It's Naevia." He said softly.
"What of her? Is she all right? Did something happen?" I asked quickly.
"Her body is sound. It's her mind that carries the wound." He told me.
"In what way?" I frowned.
"She wasn't as strong as you."
"Speak plainly."
"She too was abused. Only it wasn't just by one man. She was moved from villa to villa, raped numerous times at each house. Her mind is broken. She can no longer find comfort in my affections. They've taken everything from her." He told me with despair.
Tears were in my eyes as I looked at him. Moving closer to him, I wrapped my arms around him, running my hand down the back of his head. He slowly wrapped his arms around me, burying his face in my neck. Soon I felt his tears fall against my skin. He loved her more than anything and now he had to suffer from the abuse she endured while apart from him. I knew what she felt. I knew what thoughts went through her mind. It was not an easy thing to overcome. It would take time for her to become the girl we knew before. That was if she still was that girl. It would be understandable for her to change after everything she had been through. It took all of me to hold on to who I was and she had been through much more than I had.
Holding him tightly, I put my hand on his neck, running my other up his arm and across his shoulders. He continued to cry, leaving me to whisper comforts in his ear in hopes that he would hear me. When his tears stopped, I continued to gently rub him comfortingly until he leaned away from me. Smiling, I took his face in my hands, wiping the tears from his cheeks.
"Gratitude." He told me with a quiet voice.
"Naevia will be all right. She just needs some time to adjust." I told him softly. He nodded at me. "I promise you that she will be the woman you love for she loves you above all others." He nodded again. "Tell me you believe me." I said with furrowed brows.
"I do." He told me with a small smile. "I do believe you."
"Good." I smiled and kissed his cheek. "I love you."
"And I love you." He smiled and kissed my forehead.
"Lea?" Naevia said coming into the room.
Standing, I stepped up to her, taking her hands in mine, "Walk with me."
Nodding, she hooked her arm through mine before we left the room. Walking to a quieter part of the temple, I tried to think of what I wanted to say to her. Unsure of how far to go and yet wanted to know everything she was thinking. I couldn't help her if I didn't know the whole story.
"Voice your thoughts." Naevia smiled at me.
"I was going to ask that of you."
"I am all right, Lea." She told me with a smile that didn't reach her eyes.
"I do not believe you." I told her with furrowed brows. "Naevia, tell me what you are feeling. The people who love you are worried for you."
"I can't." She told me without her smile faltering. "It would be as if I were reliving it if I say it out loud." Understanding moved across my face. "I've been told that you experienced something similar. Don't make me tell you everything I've been through."
"Then simply tell me what I can do to help you. Crixus is concerned and so am I." I replied gently.
"There is nothing neither you nor Crixus can do." She smiled as she gently shook her head.
"There must be something." I said squeezing her hands.
"Time." She stated. "Time is what I need. Time will heal the wounds I've suffered. And in time I will be able to be a whole person again. Though I fear I will never be that same girl that you grew up with."
"I don't need you to be that girl." I smiled as I gently shook my head. "All I need is for you to be alive and well. Everything else can wait. You know I am here for you for whatever you need no matter what it may be."
"I do know that." She nodded returning my smile, this time it reached her eyes.
"All right then." I smiled, embracing her. "I love you, sister. I could not be happier to have you once again at my side."
"I love you too." She said, her embrace tightening into a vice grip, making a small noise escape me. "Apologies." She said releasing me.
"None needed." I told her, linking our arms again, once again on the move.
Walking in silence, I let her work through whatever thoughts were in her mind, hoping that she would finally speak. I wanted her to be able to tell me anything, no matter what it was. I would support her and would never judge her for anything she had to do since we were parted. None of that mattered anymore. All that mattered was that we were all together again. We were nearly back to her room when she started to speak, making me turn down a different hall, ready to take another long walk around the temple.
"How did you overcome what happened to you?" She asked.
Taking a moment to think about her question, knowing there was only one answer, I gently rubbed her arm, "Varro." She looked at me expecting me to say more. "I wish I could say more but I cannot. The memories of Varro and what we have kept me alive. Despite the things that were being done to me, I managed to find a place in my mind where I could make it just me and Varro. It was always just me and him. Even when I felt my body failing, when Paulus would come calling after only a small reprieve, I would think of Varro and for a moment everything would be as it should be."
"You can't hold on to an illusion like that forever." She stated.
"No." I said shaking my head. "I couldn't keep the illusion. I was going to give up and let myself die. I'd rather have died then endure one more rape from Paulus. But it never came. Caius saved me before he could come to me again. I was swept up and put into a fine home with fine healers and given all the fine things that Rome has to offer." I told her and paused. "But I never felt at home. I never felt like I belonged. I missed Varro. I missed you and Crixus, Spartacus and Mira, even Agron. I missed my family. So I set myself to the task of finding you. It took me longer than I had anticipated but I found my family. I found you." I smiled gently moving a strand of hair from her face. "And now we will make our stand with Spartacus. We will hurt the Romans as much as they have hurt us over the years. We will come out triumphant and then we will make a life with our men. We will marry them and start a family. We can build houses side by side and raise our children together. Spartacus and Mira as well. We will live full and happy lives."
She smiled at me though there was sadness in her eyes. "I fear you may dream too big."
"No, I dream just big enough."