Chapter Eleven: Difference of Opinion
Commotion had taken over the temple. Spartacus had put himself and those most experienced in charge of training all those who had joined us and wished to learn. If any wished to fight for the cause Spartacus had started then they needed to know how to defend themselves and the brothers and sisters that fought next to them. We would get nowhere if we weren't able to defend the people who gave up everything to join us. Everyone understood this and was eager to take instruction. Even Antonia picked up a sword and learned to fight. Felix as well. Everyone I cared about was learning to fight, learning to be of use. Then there was me, sitting on the sidelines unable to walk around more than ten minutes without feeling drained. It would be impossible for me to lift a sword let alone be able to swing it.
"Stop pouting." Varro smirked with his arm firmly around my waist as we walked around the courtyard watching the training.
"I cannot help it." I frowned as I watched Spartacus coach Felix on his form. "I want to be out there with them. I want to learn and to become someone of worth."
Putting his hand on my arms he turned me so I looked at him, seeing a deep frown on his face. "I don't ever want to hear you say you're not of worth." He told me angrily. "You've risked your life for me more times than anyone should. You risk all for those you care about and are still standing. You are more worthy than anyone else here. Do not belittle yourself by thinking you're not as good as those around us. For you are better than them. You're better than me and Spartacus and Crixus. You are more worthy than all of us combined. Do you understand me?"
Smiling, I nodded at him, "Yes, Varro. I understand."
"Good." He said taking a deep breath.
"I also believe that you are biased toward me so your opinion has no weight to it." I grinned, wrapping my arm around him as we kept walking.
"I speak the truth." He stated matter-of-factly.
Laughing, I leaned up and kissed him. "There is but one who is more worthy than me. You hold my heart and there for all of me. You are the more worthy one."
Scoffing, he kissed me again. "Nice try."
Laughing again, we walked one more lap about the courtyard before retiring to our room. Small uses of energy were allowed but I tired easily. I was still healing from my ordeal and Varro was set on seeing that I fully recover before I was allowed to participate in any of the physical happenings of the temple. Any meetings, however, were not held until I was present. I was grateful to be included in something of the groups' dealings. Knowing our next move was important and I appreciated being included in that. My voice held meaning and, despite not being able to train, there was little that could have made me feel more of an asset to the cause.
Waking alone, I hugged my pillow tighter to myself, taking a moment to enjoy the quiet. It was a rarity of late and it sounded wonderful. Shutting my eyes, I drifted back to sleep, unable to get enough of it. Though I was subtly woken by the bed shifting as someone lay next to me. My back was facing them but I knew who it was by the sound of his breathing.
"Hello, old friend." I smiled with my eyes still shut. "How are you faring?"
"Spartacus is attempting to convince Gannicus to stay." Oenomaus told me.
"And is that such a bad thing?" I asked unmoving.
"I don't want him here." He replied coldly.
Rolling over, still hugging the pillow, I looked at the man. "He's a gladiator just as you were. He has much knowledge in combat and would be an asset to our cause. I know you feel betrayed by him but you need to put it behind you."
"It's with good reason I feel betrayed." He frowned at me.
"I know." I smiled as I put my hand on his shoulder. "It is with very good reason. But she is gone. She loved you more than anything and if she cared for Gannicus as well then the love you both share for her should bond you together not tear you apart."
"She betrayed me." He said sadly.
"And she's paid the price for it." I frowned at him. "Melitta is dead, Oenomaus. You need to move past this."
"As Spartacus moves past Sura's death?" He countered.
"He moves to free the slaves of Rome. Anyone treated unfairly will feel his compassion and his protection." I told him with sureness.
"I know his is as brother to you but I am not so certain of his cause." He told me gently.
"You should be." I told him, sitting up.
"Apologies, Lea." He said doing the same. "My life was that ludus and Spartacus tore it down."
"With good reason." I frowned at him.
"You weren't there." He stated with a hard tone. "Do you know that he had good reason?" He asked. "Do you know what Batiatus did to deserve such a rebellion? Do you care so little about your former Domina?"
"She is not the same woman I knew." I told him. "I've seen her since I've been freed. She is diminished. As for Batiatus, I'm sure Spartacus had a good reason. He had made a life for himself despite his station of slave. He isn't as rash as one might think."
"It was Batiatus that ordered Sura's death." My friend told me.
"What?" I frowned.
"He ordered her death to procure Spartacus' loyalty. When Spartacus found out he was infuriated, seeking revenge."
"He has it then." I said airily. "Like I said, I'm sure he had a good reason."
"Spartacus started a rebellion in the memory of his dead wife. He is capable of anything."
"And is worth everything." I shot at him with a frown. "He is saving the repressed. He's a legend. More and more flow to him every day because they believe in his cause. If people who do not know him can put their trust in him why can't cherished friend?"
"Maybe they do because they do not know him."
"Enough." I said and stood. "You of all people should understand his motives. You've both lost wives and the hope of a future. All he wishes is to give the rest of us a chance to have what was taken from him. From you. Why can you not push past the fall of your house and simply see that what Spartacus is doing is for the good of all those under Roman rule. They are not all powerful. They do not deserve slaves and lavish things while the rest of us are denied everything that makes a person human. We cannot own property, we cannot speak freely, and we are forbidden to love. Spartacus moves to give us all that and more. He wishes for us to make lives for ourselves outside the treachery of Roman lands. We are to be truly free and that is in thanks to the man you can't seem to follow." Finally done, I stood in front of him breathing heavily. Standing, he stepped up to me, gently pulling me against his chest, wrapping me in his arms. "Not quite the response I was looking for." I told him even though I relaxed against him, wrapping my arms around him.
"Gratitude." He told me.
"For what?" I frowned as I released him.
"For simply being you." He smiled.
Scoffing, I shook my head as I rolled my eyes at him. "You've known me my whole life and you wait till now to thank me for that."
"Yes." He nodded.
"You were more enjoyable back then. You've become a very serious man." I smiled at him.
"I'll attempt to revert to my former self."
"That was when Melitta was alive. Does that mean you can finally lay her to rest and forgive all transgressions toward cherished brother?"
"I will try." He told me putting his hand on my face.
"Good." I smiled, leaning up and placing a kiss against his cheek. "Now return to bed. You are not supposed to be on your feet yet."
He bowed his head, making me laugh before slowly making his way back to his room. Sighing, I sat on the bed, alone for only a few moments before there were footfalls. Looking up, I saw my Lucius leaning against the doorway.
"Hello." I smiled at him.
"Hello." He smiled back. "Come, if you are up to it I will take up arms with you."
"Varro will not allow it." I frowned at him.
"How are you feeling today?" He asked.
"Stronger than yesterday." I told him.
"Then it's time that you start using your muscles. No more lying around." He said holding out his hand to me. Taking it, he pulled me to my feet, moving me toward the door. "Besides, Varro has left the temple with Spartacus to hunt. Without them here to stop us we can accomplish something before they return."
"He never leaves." I frowned.
"But you're much better. He no longer fears you'll die before he returns." He smiled.
"Yes, I am certain I'll be around for years to come." I smirked at him.
"I'll see to it."
Wrapping my arm around him we walked from the room, finding food and water before sitting in a quiet spot away from the others. There had been little time before for proper training so now that there was time he spoke of his old Doctore, telling me of forms and ways of using sword and shield. He told me that I needed to have proper knowledge of the weapon if I was to use it properly. Listening intently, we let our food settle before he brought forth two swords. Using wooden swords, we set ourselves to the task; taking in all that he had told me, hoping to bring it to life with practice.
Throughout the afternoon Lucius took me through the forms he taught the gladiators. First in slow motion and then we picked up speed. We stood side by side, moving in the same manner as I mirrored his every move. Others started to join in as he taught us all he knew. At first my muscles burned with the effort of such movements but after a while I found enjoyment in it. It felt good to exercise my body. I had been stagnant for far too long. My body was healed. Now I had to build myself back up to where I was before all of this had happened.
"Gratitude." I told Lucius when we had stopped.
"Your muscles are shaking." He commentated.
"I've been lying in a bed for days." I replied. "But it feels good." Looking around the group of people we had been training with, I did a double-take as I noticed Varro watching me, a hard look on his face. "And yet I still find myself in trouble." I sighed.
Lucius followed my line of sight, "He'll understand."
"Not as well as you'd like to think." I stated as I moved away from him. Moving to Varro, his frown looked set upon his face. "Don't be mad." I told him.
"What the fuck are you doing?" He asked me angrily.
"Lucius and I broke words and he offered to help me train. It's time my muscles are used again. I've rested long enough." I replied calmly.
Gripping my arm he led me back into the temple and to our small room. Instead of speaking he started to pace. I could see the tenseness of his muscles as I watched him. I could feel the worry flowing off him.
"I appreciate your concern, Varro. But I need to stay active or I will only diminish further." I told him.
"No!" He yelled making me jump.
"Varro." I said with a small voice.
"I have not kept you alive thus far only to have you take up arms and be stricken from this world." He shot at me.
"No one is dying." I frowned as I stepped up to him. "And I know that I've been unwell but I am not about to stand aside and watch everyone else fight for a cause that I hold as close to heart as the rest of us. I believe in what Spartacus is doing. I want to bring down as many Romans as I can and I want to do it at your side. At Spartacus'. At Crixus'. Mira and Naevia will not hold back when the fighting starts. They will fight side by side with their men. I wish to do the same."
"I will not let you get hurt again." He said swiftly gripping my arms. "I will not lose you. I will never lose you again."
"You are right. You won't." I stated. "Because you will be at my side. You will be fighting with me and together we will bring down the Roman filth that wishes to part us from this world. We will be together. We will fight together." He looked at me with pain and sadness, fighting with the thoughts in his head. "You cannot protect me from everything, my love. I will never be without you and if that means fighting at your side then I shall do it. Would it not be better that I am prepared for when the time comes?"
He looked at me for a long moment before he nodded, "Yes."
"Then do not be angry with me for this." I frowned at him.
"There is no point. You will simply do it behind my back if I refuse you." He stated with a sad tone and left the room.
"Varro." I called after him only to watch him quicken his pace in the hall before he was out of sight.
Sighing, I sat on our bed, moving my hand across his side. I understood why he was angry. He didn't think I was ready. He didn't want me to push myself. But in his eyes I would never be ready. I would simply be the one to lead the others from harm's way. I would be the one looking out for those who cannot fight. I didn't want to be that person. I wanted to be at his side. Fighting with him for the cause our brother started. We are supposed to be partners and yet his fear of something happening to me clouded all other thoughts from his mind. Though it was with good reason, I hadn't done a very good job at proving myself capable. However, if Varro would teach me then we could be together and he would know I was safe.
"Are you all right?" Mira asked as she came in, sitting on the bed next to me. Nodding, I didn't say anything. "Varro will move past it."
"Do you even know what he's upset about?" I asked her.
"He confronted Lucius in a rage about teaching you the sword." She replied. "They fought briefly before Spartacus tore them apart."
"He cannot protect me from everything. I came here to help Spartacus fight for his cause. I will fight. Varro cannot stop me." I told her with certainty.
"He can try." She smiled at me.
"He'll only put himself at risk if he does." I told her with a hard tone. "I've already proven twice that I'll willingly give up my life for his. If he lets me distract him then he increases the chances that I die. The moment he's at risk I will put myself between him and whatever is about to harm him. I will die before he does because I will make sure I die protecting him. Seeing him die will be a death sentence for me. I know the same is for him but as long as I have air in my lungs I will fight to keep him alive."
"Have you broken such words with Varro?" She asked.
"She just did." Varro's voice said from the doorway.
Both our heads shot up at the sound of him. Mira smiled, putting her hand on my knee, kissing my cheek before she took her leave. Varro smiled at her as she passed him, the smile disappearing as soon as she was gone, looking at me with furrowed brows, the corners of his mouth turned down. Averting my eyes, I let the silence linger. It seemed ages before he stepped forward, sitting next to me.
"I know what you're going to say and I don't want to hear it." I told him with a hard tone. "You cannot stop me from fighting alongside you. You can help train me, preparing me for what we will be facing, or you can be angry with me and attempt to protect me from anything happening to me. The latter will get me killed much faster."
"Fine." He said softly.
"Fine?" I frowned finally looking at him.
"I will train you." He said meeting my eyes though his tone was hard.
"Don't sound so pleased about it." I frowned and stood pacing away from him.
"Do you honestly think I take pleasure in thinking about you fighting Romans, risking your life again and again?" He yelled as he stood. "Do you think I want to see your flesh cut, your blood spilling, and possibly your life lost to the cause that our brother started? I can't stand the thought!"
"Do you not think the same is for me?!" I yelled back, moving closer to him. "I do not want to fight. I want to be with you and build a life with you. But we cannot do that until we are free from Roman bondage."
"I know this!" He yelled even though my voice had evened out.
"Stop yelling at me." I told him with a small voice. "There is nothing you can do to make me safe. No matter where we go we will have to fight for any safety we can find. You will fight with Spartacus. I will fight with you. You cannot stop me from this."
"I can try." He said with a hard tone though he had lowered his voice.
Fighting back tears, I nodded at him. "I am not a porcelain doll. I will not break. I will learn to fight with the others. Mira fights with Spartacus. Naevia with Crixus. I fight with you. It is the way it should be."
"So we can die together?" He frowned at me.
"I'd rather we die together than to have either of us live without the other. We both know that neither of us will survive the pain from the loss." I replied. He met my eyes, a glistening in them I knew far too well. Stepping closer to him I wrapped my arms around his waist, even though he kept his arms at his sides. "I have a reason to fight. I have a reason to learn how to protect myself and those around me. It's a reason more powerful than any other of this world." Pausing, he simply looked at me. "Love, Varro. I love you more than anyone will ever love another again." His hands finally moved to my arms, running them up and down them as he sighed. "I fight for the love I want to keep. I fight for the life I want to have. I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you and in order to do that we need to move from these lands, fighting our way to the borders until we are free. I know you want the same thing, Varro. Now all we have to do is prepare me so we can have the life we want. I'm stronger than you think I am. I am strong enough to do what is necessary. I am strong enough to stand with you and fight to protect you." Putting my hand against his face I lifted myself onto the tips of my toes, my lips hovering next to his. "I am strongest when I am with you. With you I can do anything."
In the next moment he had my head in his hands, kissing me passionately. Throwing me onto the bed, he moved over me, gripping my hands in his as he pressed his body against mine. Pushing him onto his back, I straddled him, kissing him, sucking on his lip before my tongue met his as he invaded my mouth. Rolling me underneath him, he ran his body up and down mine, feeling him harden as I dripped with wanting for him.
"I love you." I whispered to him with our lips still touching.
"And I love you." He told me. "More than anything in this life or the next."
Smiling, he returned it before his lips were against mine again. Fucking as if it were the first and last time, we moaned, rocked, and kissed late into the night. When we finally stopped, lying in each other's arms, I ran my fingers back and forth across his chest, unable to remove the smile from my face.
"Well, after that I cannot deny that you have healed well." Varro smirked and looked at me.
Laughing, I placed a kiss against his neck before nuzzling against him. "See, I am fully healed and ready to stand with you. As well as Spartacus and Crixus and Agron."
"Tomorrow we will start training." He said kissing my hair.
"Gratitude." I said leaning up and kissing him deeply. "To bed then?"
"No." He grinned. Smiling at him, I laughed as he rolled over me, taking me again.