Chapter Thirteen: The Shadow of a Leader
The sun had barely risen and the camp was alive with activity. Old Lucius had been eager to teach the skill of the bow to all those who were willing. Many had come far, Mira among them. She and I, along with Lucius, walked behind the line of Rebels, correcting stances and giving words of encouragement or comment. Some were quick to learn, others needed a constant reminder of how to stand to hold the bow. It was a simple skill to learn. One that I hoped would help us save lives in the future.
"You never came to bed last night." Varro stated as he came up behind me whilst practicing the bow in the woods, our training with the others having ended just minutes ago.
Releasing my cocked arrow, I watched it hit the center of the target in front of me. "I couldn't sleep."
"Gannicus on your mind?" He asked gently, though I could hear the jealous tone lying underneath his words. He was always jealous even though he knew there was no founding for it.
"I have a lot of things on my mind." I told him with a flat tone.
"You're exhausted. You should come to bed now while you still can. The camp hasn't fully woken yet."
"It's woken enough to make sleep impossible. Besides, Spartacus and the others have already left for Neapolis. It falls on Crixus and me to tend to the people in his absence." I replied letting loose another arrow.
"You push yourself too hard, as always." He told me with annoyance.
"And perhaps you do not push yourself enough." I frowned at him, picking a fight without fully meaning to. "All you do is watch over me and try to keep me contained. I survived in your absence and I will continue to survive now. I push myself because I have those who look to me for food, shelter, and advice. No one is looking to you. You can do whatever you please. You've helped train the Rebels, yes, and I'm grateful for it, but you still are free to do whatever you like because you hold no responsibilities. Spartacus did not name you leader. You are simply the brother that stands at his side, loyal to the end. I have an entire group of people looking to me and there are days where sleep just won't come. Others where my mind is riddled with nightmares. Others where I actually find a small amount of comfort in the small amount of sleep I get. All the while the duties that have been forced upon me keep repeating over and over again no matter what I'm doing. I do not wish to fail. Not after they worked so hard to make me lead them."
"You're tired." He replied with a hard frown on his face.
"Yes. Very." I stated and walked away from him.
"You can say whatever you'd like to me. I'm not going anywhere." He said as he fell in step next to me, kindness back in his voice.
"Perhaps that's why all my antagonism comes out while you're around." I shot at him.
"Lea." He said gripping my arm, turning me as he pressed me against a tree. "You need to come back to me."
"I don't know what you're talking about." I told him without meeting his eyes.
Taking my head in his hands he lowered his head to meet my eyes. "You do. You need to take a step back and come back to me."
"They expect me to be a leader. I'm simply trying to fulfill that expectation."
"You can fulfill it without killing yourself to achieve it." He replied.
"Varro." I frowned, taking his hands from my head.
"Come." He said taking my hand and leading me back to the temple, inside, and back to our room.
"Varro." I repeated. He took my arms and threw me onto the bed. "Stop." I frowned at him. Moving over me, he kissed me passionately only to have me turn my head away from him. "Don't."
"What is the matter?" He asked angrily as he got off of me, pacing at the end of the bed.
"I don't know." I told him. "I haven't been feeling myself and I am not sure why."
"Break words and tell me what thoughts fill your mind." He said sitting in front of me, wringing my hand in his.
"I do not know what to say." I told him frustrated, knowing that I was frustrating him. He was worried and I did not wish to see him in such a state. Sighing, I attempted to ease his mind. "I'm simply irritable and I can't stomach food as of late and have been nauseous nearly constantly. I've been to the healers when I couldn't remedy the problem myself and they have a ridiculous explanation for it that is simply impossible."
"Lea." He said kneeling in front of me. "Are you?"
"They think so." I told him with a shrug.
"You need to say it." He said taking my hands, a broad smile on his face.
"Varro, I am with child." I said with a smile. "You're going to be a father again."
Without knowing how, his smile grew, wrapping his arms around me, lifting me into the air and spun me around. "Is this even possible?"
"I was told it would be very difficult to conceive but apparently they were wrong." I told him and laughed.
"We're having a baby!" He exclaimed and kissed me. I laughed though my smile faltered. "What is it?" He asked.
"This is not the time or place to be raising a child. I have responsibilities that require time and energy that I can't afford anymore. I am growing a child. If there was ever a time for selfishness then this would be it."
He bent down and kissed my still flat stomach. "We will be as selfish as we can be." He told me pressing his hand over the baby.
Smiling, I kissed him deeply. "This is what I've always wanted. A man that I love and creating a family with him. I hope it comes out as blond and blue eyed as its father."
"No." He beamed, taking my head in his hands. "Brown haired and blue eyed. It needs something from its mother too."
"Words will be my gift." I grinned as I wrapped my arms around him.
Laughing together happily, we laid on the bed, all the while Varro talked to my stomach. The baby wouldn't even be recognizable as human but he didn't care. He kept touching my stomach, talking to it in between kissing me, smiling at me with such a broad smile; I couldn't help but be ecstatic with him. I hadn't thought it possible, but saying it out loud made real for me. Made it real for both of us. I knew he would be happy. I was happy. But we had a rebellion to lead and there was no time to have a child.
It seemed my mind was plagued with all the negative aspects of my condition. Standing on the top of the steps, I watched everyone train, wash, sew, and perform any other tasks needed in camp. Despite being fugitives, we had made a decent life for ourselves. Something we were probably too comfortable with. It was only a matter of time before the Romans discovered us and we would be forced to fight again. I was terrified for that day to come. I was now taking care of not only myself and Varro but our unborn child. My hand found my stomach and for a moment I was overcome with dread for the safety of my child. Wanting to be able to carry, give birth, and raise it someplace safe. Not in the woods or in some captured temple. I wanted a home. I wanted to marry Varro. There were so many things that I wanted and I feared we would see none of them.
"Lea." Mira said gently, bringing me back from my thoughts.
"Mira." I said breathlessly as I realized there were tears in my eyes and a hard expression on my face. Erasing both, I smiled at her. "Apologies."
"You are with child." She smiled at me. "This is good news."
"Varro has already gone to you." I stated, laughing lightly.
"He was so excited." She smiled. "He was raving about you and your child as if it were already born. He couldn't be happier than he is right now. In fact I think he's gone to find Naevia and Crixus."
"I'm sure he is. And I know." I smiled with both hands on my stomach. "I'm barely with child and he thinks it can already hear his voice and feel his touch. He can't keep his hands off of my stomach. He's so happy."
"Then what is it?" She asked.
"This is no time to have a child. We are rebelling and there is months of fighting ahead of us. I cannot bring a child into a world such as this."
"A child is a blessing." She beamed putting her hands over mine. "You need to embrace the gift the gods have seen to bestow upon you. They would not have given it to you if you could not handle it."
Smiling, I wrapped my arms around her, feeling comforted. "Gratitude."
Staying close to my side, she followed me throughout the remainder of the day, keeping tabs on me, helping me more than most had been as of late. When the sun set, the fires were lit and Mira was sitting next to me, both of us with a plate of meat, potatoes, and vegetables. It was a much better meal then we'd had in a week. Thanks to the raid the men had done before they left we would go to bed with full stomachs tonight. Soon Naevia appeared at my other side, a blanket being put over my shoulders while Crixus sat behind me, offering himself as support.
"Varro put you up to this didn't he?" I asked looking at all of them in turn, unable to help but smile.
"How do you feel?" Crixus asked moving closer behind me, giving me no choice but to lean back against him.
Sighing, I took his hand, turning to meet his eyes. "I am fine, Crixus." I smiled. Placing a kiss against my forehead, he wrapped his arms around me. "You are ridiculous."
"A child." Naevia whispered moving closer to my side.
"We cannot bring so much attention to me. People will know something is amiss and I will be heavily questioned about it." I told them though I couldn't help but laugh lightly.
"I am so happy for you." She said pulling my arm against her with a broad smile on her face.
Her smile alone made all my negativity melt away. She had been having such a hard time being back and me being with child seemed to bring some life back into her. Laughing together, I looked up to see Varro across the courtyard, smiling at me. Beaming back at me, I mouthed 'I love you' to him, getting an even bigger smile from him as he bowed his head. He knew what I needed before I did. He knew that I couldn't truly be happy without the love and support of our family. Despite what our future held, I couldn't have been more happy to be carrying his child. The hope of the rebellion.
It was the middle of the night when I was woken, my stomach turning, bile rising in my throat. Swiftly getting up, I made it to our chamber pot before emptying my stomach into it. There wasn't much left, making the bile pain my throat as it came up last. Rinsing my mouth, I sat next to the pot, waiting for it to happen again.
Taking a deep breath, I put my hand against my stomach, "All right, little one. Give your mother a rest. She needs to get some sleep."
"Lea?" Varro's groggy voice said from bed, propping himself up on his elbow.
"It's all right, my love." I smiled at him. "Go back to sleep."
Getting from bed, he sat next to me, wrapping his arm around me. "I can't sleep without you by my side." He said gently, kissing me sweetly.
"Then I'm afraid we're sleeping on the floor." I told him before quickly turning, vomiting into the pot.
"Oh, love." He said wiping the hair from my face, gently pulling me against him, lying me down in his lap. "Try and sleep." He whispered as he traced circles against my stomach.
"Mm." I said closing my eyes, hugging his arm as I rested my head in the crook of it. "I love you."
"I love you." He said and kissed my temple, making me sigh with contentment.
Morning came and I went about my daily routine. I sought to the people, making sure that they were taken care of. Varro had insisted that I stay in bed but I wasn't ill, I was simply with child. The nausea had passed for now and I was fine to continue my usual day. Though there was always someone close by. Mira, Naevia, or Crixus was always nearby when Varro wasn't. Though he understood me like the others didn't. I didn't want to be coddled. I was with child, I was not dying.
"Can I help you with anything?" Mira asked me with her hand on my back.
"No." I smiled at her. "I'm' fine." Only just as the words were out of my mouth I felt a wave of nausea. Putting my hand on my stomach, she wrapped her arm around me. "I'm fine." I repeated.
"Come." She said leading me back toward the temple.
"Lea." Otho's voice stopped me.
"Otho." I smiled at him. "What can I do for you?"
"It's what I can do for you." He told me. Frowning questioningly, I folded my hands in front of me, giving him a small shrug. "Come." He said holding his hand out to me.
Taking it, he wrapped an arm around me, leading me from the temple and a short distance into the wood. Leading me to a stream, he sat me on a rock, sitting next to me with a smile. Picking up something that was already at the stream, he handed me a hot cup of tea with mint leaves floating in it. Then he opened a cloth of peapods, looking at me with a broad smile on his face.
"What is this?" I smiled at him.
"When my wife was with child these were two things that helped her most when she was feeling sick." He told me with the biggest smile I'd ever seen on him.
"How did you know?" I asked him.
"I am the father of four." He told me with raised brow. "The birth of each one the proudest day of my life." Tears came and fell faster than I thought possible. He looked at me and laughed, wrapping an arm around me. "Just one more blessing from the child inside of you."
"Apologies." I said wiping the tears away.
"None needed." He said rubbing my arm.
"Where are they?" I asked as I sipped the tea. The effects of it were almost instantaneous. "If you don't mind me asking."
"They are home." He replied. "Awaiting their father's return."
"And their mother?"
"She is with them."
Looking at him, I saw him in a whole new light. "I will get you back to them, Otho."
"Do not worry about my family." He told me sternly. "It's my job to worry about you. Not the other way around."
"I do worry about you." I told him. "I worry about everyone who thinks I have what it takes to lead them."
"You are doing well." He nodded at me.
"Gratitude for your help." I smiled, wrapping my arm around his shoulder, placing a kiss against his cheek.
A blush rose in his cheeks and he looked away from me. "Eat. Drink."
Sitting in silence, I finished the tea and most of the peapods before he helped me to my feet, leading Mira and I back to the temple. Spending the remainder of the day preparing for however many men Spartacus and the others were going to bring back with them. This was the break we were all waiting for. If we were lucky we'd build our forces by at least half.
"Did you gather all the blankets we could spare?" I asked Antonia.
"Yes." She told me. "And Felix is already combining as many tents as we can to accommodate those that join Spartacus."
"Good." I told her, pulling as many spare clothes as I could.
"Do you think we have enough?" Antonia asked as she handed me another small stack of clothes.
"I hope so." I smiled. She smiled back though she seemed to be holding something back. "What is it?" I asked her.
"Are you feeling all right?" She asked gently.
"Yes, why do you ask?"
"It seems extra eyes are constantly watching you."
Smiling, I took a moment to think of a response. "I don't think they will ever look at me without a sense of worry." I told her, though it was only partially true.
"The mines seemed to have affected many." Stopping, I frowned at her. "Apologies." She added quickly. "It is none of my business."
Sighing, I stepped up to her, "The mines put in motion events that cost many their lives. It nearly cost me mine, and Crixus'. It was a taste of what we will have to face in the future and many aren't willing to accept that yet." She nodded at me. "You're a part of the Rebellion. It is your business."
She smiled and nodded at me again. People were wondering what we were planning on doing. What to expect from us. I feared I didn't hold the answers they sought. Something that weighed heavily on my mind. Walking around the courtyard, I watched the training that was going on, my eyes lingering on Crixus and Naevia who were the most fervent. Taking pause to watch them further, I handed the clothes I was holding to the first who offered to take them, smiling and letting them add them to the growing pile for our new recruits. Wrapping my arms around myself, I watched the squabble, seeing Crixus' affections for my sister when he would best her, only to have her rage shine through, demanding that they go again.
"Do you want to have a go?" Varro asked as he stepped up behind me.
"No." I told him. "I'm perfectly content with watching."
"Are you?" He said unconvinced as he wrapped his arms around me, his hands resting on my stomach. "Do not let our child stop you. He will thirst for Roman blood as much as we do. He will want his mother fit and safe."
"What if he is a she?" I beamed at him over my shoulder.
"My words will still hold true."
Nodding, I stepped away from him, turning I launched myself at Crixus, taking him by surprise. Rolling onto my feet, I grinned at him. Looking at me with a frown, it soon melted away and he laughed at me, nodding. Varro and I were tossed swords and soon we paired off against Crixus and Naevia. Circling each other, it was Varro that made first move. He danced to the right of Crixus, attempting to make contact against his side. Mirroring him, I went for Naevia, only she countered my attack quickly. Soon the sand was on fire with crashing blows, our bodies rolling across the sand, leaping, and darting as the fight continued. It was all in fun until Naevia hit me hard in the mouth, splitting my lip and sending blood pooling in my mouth. The men stopped and looked at me. Even Naevia looked at me trying to gage what I was going to do. Frowning at her, I spit the blood on the ground before charging her. Swinging the sword as hard as I could, I knocked hers from her hands, punching her across her jaw. She fell to the ground and I stood over her with my sword at her throat.
"Well done."
Straightening, I turned to see Spartacus beaming at me. "Brother." I grinned and rushed to him, throwing my arms around his neck. Laughing, he wrapped me in his arms, holding me tightly. "You were successful." I commented as I watched Agron and a hoard of men start to swarm the courtyard, several women among them as well.
"Our numbers doubled in one day." He smiled at me.
"Spartacus." Mira said stepping forward and embracing him. He wrapped his arm around her, kissing her sweetly.
"You finally return." Varro said taking his brother's arm. "Bringing plenty of ripe smelling men with you."
They shared a laugh before we all took in the men that surrounded us. "German." I said as I listened to them.
"All of them." Spartacus stated with an air of concern.
"Lea!" Agron said with open arms, taking my head in his hands and pressing a hard kiss to my lips.
"You are in good spirits." I commented.
"I have found people from my homeland. It has lifted me." He smiled.
"Congratulations." I told him though I wasn't sure if I was as happy as he. Watching him begin celebrating with his kin, I saw Otho embracing one of the Germans. "It seems they are known to each other." I stated.
"He is still yours." Varro smirked at me.
"I wasn't concerned." I smiled at him.
Removing ourselves from the courtyard, Varro, Naevia, Crixus and I stood and watched the Germans' flood the temple grounds. Varro wrapped his arm around me possessively, watching with a slight frown on his face. Looking at Crixus, even he had a frown on his face.
"The men carry such heavy expressions." I commented to Naevia.
"Even I cannot help but be concerned." She replied.
"With what?" I frowned. "Our numbers are doubled. How can you not thank the gods for such a gift?"
"They are a gift to Agron." Varro stated.
"Look at Spartacus." Crixus added. "Even he senses that something is off."
"They may surprise you." I told them.
"One can hope." Crixus replied putting his hand on my shoulder.
"While you three question the gift that was given to us, I am going to go do what I intended on doing." I told them.
"Lea." Crixus said gripping my hip tightly.
"What?" I asked turning to him.
"Be careful." He said kissing my cheek.
"You're a good man." I smiled at him, kissing his in return. "Are you coming?" I asked Varro. He just frowned at me. "I love you." I smiled, kissing him deeply. "Stay here and ponder what we should do about all these Germans."
"Be careful." He replied, pulling me against him, one hand around my waist while the other pressed against my stomach.
"You are going to be an amazing father." I said kissing him again. "You already are an amazing father."
"And you are going to be an amazing mother." He told me.
Smiling, I leaned up, kissing him slowly, letting it last until we were both out of breath. "I love you more than anything." I whispered with my lips still against his.
"The same way that I love you." He whispered back.
"You two disgust me." Crixus' gruff voice interrupted though he held a smile on his face.
We both laughed, Varro blushing as I wrapped an arm around him. Nodding at him, I kissed Varro once more before going and introducing myself to any German I met. They were new to our group and they would need to be shown what our life here was like. I offered bed space, clothes, and anything else that they were in need of. Though I found them far more abrasive than I had thought they would be. They were joyful and aggressive. Something that I had never dealt with before. Not to mention that very few spoke English and ones that did spoke a very chopped version of it.
After only a few hours my family's concerns started to become my own. But I held my head high and put on a smile as I assisted them. Showing the others that we were welcoming them. Hoping that they would welcome them into our home if I did as well. If Spartacus and Crixus did. Agron's excitement was contagious and it seemed like there would be little to worry about. But Agron was also the only one who helped lead us that shared an enthusiasm to match the Germans. They were far more boisterous than I had anticipated, making being around them feel almost dangerous.
"Gratitude." Agron said stepping up to me as I watched the celebration continue.
"None needed." I told him. "I'm happy to help."
"It is much appreciated." He added wrapping his arm around me.
Smiling, I looked at him, commenting, "They do appear to be drunk with freedom."
Laughing, he nodded, hugging me tightly before he rushed off to join his men. When the sun set, I made my way to my quarters, happy to see Varro lying in our bed, smiling at me. Suddenly filled with the same excitement that the Germans had been exhibiting all day, I rushed to the bed, throwing myself on top of it, landing on Varro. He laughed and enveloped me in his arms, his lips finding mine in a passionate kiss.
"I missed you today." He told me.
"You didn't have to if you'd simply helped me." I smiled at him, running my fingers across his collarbone. Kissing his chest, I looked up to see a distant look in his eyes, a frown upon his brow. "What is it? Do they concern you that much?"
"Agron concerns me." He confided, his fingers trailing up and down my back. "He seems to be more interested in his own people than what is good for the whole. He already fights Spartacus and the decisions he has made."
"Spartacus will work it out with him. He's a smart man." I told him.
"Mm." He said frowning as he looked at the ceiling.
Sighing, I straddled his waist, leaning over him so he would meet my eyes. "Stop worrying." I told him, kissing him, keeping my eyes on his. "Everything will work itself out." He nodded but his frown remained. "Love." I said gently running my hand down his face, my thumb across his bottom lip. "Come back to me." I whispered before I was kissing him again.
Finally getting the reaction I wanted, I smiled as I kissed him, loving the feel of his hands as he ran them up and down my body. Untying the sides of my dress, I pulled it over my head, gently rocking against him as he took in my nudeness. Taking his hand in mine, I placed a kiss against his palm before placing it against my breast, gently moaning as he started to message it. Rocking harder, I reached my other hand down, taking his cock, massaging it until it was hard. Lifting myself just far enough to guide him in, I rocked, loving the feeling of his cock as it rubbed inside of me. Grinning, I tilted my head back, moaning with pleasure. His other hand mirrored his first, sending another wave of pleasure through me. Then his lips were against my flesh, sucking each nipple before the space between them, his tongue trailing up my chest to my neck, sucking where my pulse raced with pleasure. Wrapping our arms around each other, our fingers digging into each other's flesh, I leaned back, moaning as the climax came, Varro's lips once again between my breasts, trailing kisses up to my neck as I leaned forward again. Taking his head in my hands, I pressed my lips to his, my tongue tasting his, gently taking it between my teeth before I leaned away from him, running both hands through his hair as my rocking slowed. Smiling, I placed a gentle kiss against his nose, another against his forehead as I pressed myself against his chest. His cock was still inside of me, unready to have him leave me just yet. We were still one in this moment.
"You're so beautiful." He whispered to me.
Beaming at him, I kissed him again. "Almost as beautiful as you." I said and gently nipped at his neck.
Laughing, he wrapped his arms around me, his hands moving up and down my back. Rolling me to the side, there was a moment's pleasure as his cock slipped from inside of me, followed by another as his lips met mine, and another as his hand ran along my side before resting against my stomach. Remaining silent, we simply looked at each other, content with just being together, falling asleep still wrapped in each other's embrace.