Chapter 6: Home Again
As Jules was helping Adele with the discharge procedure at the hospital, Spike had arrived home and was preparing the house for Adele's return.
He quickly cleaned house, clearing the rooms of clutter and making sure there was nothing left on the floors that Adele could trip on. He placed her car keys on a hook next to the front door, not that she would be driving anytime soon. He turned the lights on low in every room and made sure there was no way for Adele to lock herself in any rooms. He also left the doors in every room ajar.
Spike went into the bathroom and organized her medications into a pill organizer and placed his and her razors and her tweezers in a cabinet and locked it. He didn't think she should be allowed to use them until he was certain she would not harm herself or was feeling suicidal.
Finally, he went into the guest bedroom and readied it for himself. He wanted Adele to be able to sleep in their bedroom, where she would be most comfortable and perhaps, where memories would resurface; however, he had no idea when she would be ready to be intimate again and even sleep in the same bed. He wasn't going to push her; the last thing he wanted was her to fear him.
As he exited the bedroom, his cell phone rang. It was Adele's mother.
"Hey, Stella, what's up?" Spike greeted her. "Yeah, Adele's on her way home... Um, well, I'm not sure she'll be up for visitors just yet... She's feeling pretty shitty... I'll let you know... No, we'll be alright... you're busy enough with the kids and that's a huge help... But thank you... Come over anytime you need anything for them, though, alright? Absolutely, I'll call you as things move along... She just needs time to adjust... Thanks for calling. Okay, bye."
Spike hung up and sat in the kitchen and waited for Jules and Adele to arrive.
A few minutes later, the sound of tires on pavement signaled the arrival. Spike took a deep breath, stood up, and went outside to meet them at the car.
"Hi, welcome home," he said to Adele. He so badly wanted to move forward and hug her, but he knew he had to let her come to him.
Slowly, painstakingly, Adele stepped toward the house and entered it. Spike stayed close by, but not too close, always taking care to remain in her line of vision, so as not to startle her with his presence if she failed to recognize him again.
Adele looked around the entryway, confused. "I live here?" she asked.
"Yes, Adele," said Spike. "We live here. We've lived here for about two and a half years."
"I... I don't remember," Adele said softly, tears welling up in her eyes, a frightened expression on her face.
"Shhh, it's alright," said Spike calmly, placing a gentle hand on her arm. Every fiber in his being screamed at him to take her into his arms and to hold her close, to comfort her, but he couldn't. "Don't get upset. Take a deep breath."
"I'm sorry," Adele said, wiping her eyes.
"Don't apologize, hon, it's just fine. I understand how scary this must be for you. You're alright," said Spike. "Would you like to walk around the house with me for a bit?"
"Um... sure," said Adele. Spike took her hospital bag from Jules and set it on the bench in the entryway.
"Jules, are you staying?" Spike asked.
"Do you want me to, Spike?" Jules asked. "I can."
"Um... we should be okay," said Spike. "I'll call you if I need you, okay?"
"Copy that," said Jules. She smiled at Adele. "You'll be okay. It'll come."
Adele nodded and looked at Spike, as Jules left, closing the door behind her. "Okay, what now?" she asked.
"Are you ready for a tour of the house, or do you want to rest?" Spike asked.
"A tour," said Adele. "I'll rest after."
"Okay," said Spike. "How's your head?"
"Okay right now," Adele responded. "They gave me another pain pill before I left."
"Good," said Spike.
They walked around the house together, Spike answering questions Adele had. First, he showed her their bedroom, where the bed was made and he had laid out a set of clean clothes for her to change into when she got home. He stepped out of the room to let her change in private, then reappeared in the doorway.
In the living room, Adele paused at the bookshelf, which had photos on it.
"These are our kids?" she asked.
"Yes," said Spike, smiling at the photo. "Our daughter is Kanya and our son is Lewis."
"How old are they?" Adele asked, gazing down at the family photo.
"15 months," said Spike.
Adele stared at the photo, then looked away, blinking rapidly. "It's like the memory is there, it's just so foggy," she said.
"Well, the doctor said that's normal," said Spike. "You don't have to remember everything in one day, Adele. Cut yourself some slack."
Adele nodded.
"Are you hungry?" Spike asked.
"Yeah, I could eat something," said Adele.
"Got anything in mind?" Spike asked.
"Scrambled egg sandwiches?" Adele suggested, salivating at the thought.
"You got it," Spike said, smiling at her.
"You like to cook?" Adele asked, as she followed him into the kitchen and he began to prepare lunch.
"I love to cook. I'm Italian. Food is the answer to everything," said Spike, smiling. Adele smiled back.
As they ate in awkward silence, Spike left his thoughts drift. He knew not to take all these strange questions coming from Adele as personally, but the experience of repeating himself and reeducating her about him, his life, her life, their life, felt wrong to him somehow. It was going to take some getting used to. It was exhausting. His primary concern, however, was helping her not to panic and be afraid. As she became more comfortable and more trusting and her brain continued to heal, he hoped the memories would return.
After they finished eating, Spike could see Adele was getting tired and another headache was beginning to present itself. She swallowed down two pain pills with some milk, then Spike walked her to the bedroom. She paused in the doorway and looked at him.
"Are you going to...?" she began, looking from him to the bed. "I mean, later?"
"Nope," Spike said, shaking his head. "Not until you remember."
Adele looked up at him, then to the side. Not meeting his gaze, she asked, "Spike... Are you upset with me?"
Spike was caught off-guard with the question. "No, sweetie, not at all," he said firmly, to mask his alarm. "I'm sorry if I caused you to think that. I just don't want to be intimate with you until you're ready. That includes just sleeping in the same bed."
Adele nodded. "Oh, okay," she said. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," said Spike. "Call for me if you need me, okay? I'll be in the living room."
"Okay," said Adele. She lay down on the bed and pulled the covers up to her shoulders. "Spike?"
"Yes, Adele?"
"Will you stay here until I fall asleep?" Adele asked.
"Do you want me to?" Spike asked.
"I do."
"Then I will," Spike said, smiling reassuringly at her.
Adele smiled and sank against her pillows and let the painkillers pull her down to sleep.
Though Spike checked on her every few hours, Adele didn't wake until almost 1pm the next day. Unfortunately, the full night's sleep didn't look it had done her much good. She had dark circles under her eyes and looked pale and wan.
"Headache?" he asked, as she sat down at the kitchen table.
"Yeah," said Adele, squeezing her eyes shut against the light.
"You should eat something first," said Spike, handing her the pain pill. "Painkillers aren't good on an empty stomach."
Spike got up from the table and made them some lunch. When they started eating, Spike handed her a pain pill, which she swallowed down quickly with some orange juice.
"You've got more scans this afternoon, at two," said Spike. "Are you ready for it?"
"Just not the damn elevator," Adele muttered, frowning.
Spike smiled. "Don't beat yourself up for the elevator making you sick," said Spike. "It's nothing to be embarrassed about."
"Really, Spike? Apparently forgetting that you're married and have two kids and a steady job— or at least I did, before this— that's nothing to be embarrassed about?" Adele snapped.
Spike shook his head. "Adele, you didn't plant those bombs," he said. "This, all of this, it is not your fault. Don't for one second think that it is."
Adele buried her face in her hands. "I just want to remember, Spike," she sighed. "I want to be able to drive again. I want to be able to work again."
"All in good time, sweetie," said Spike gently, "all in good time."
That afternoon, nurses wheeled Adele back into her hospital room, where she slept off the effects of the antiemetic pill. Craven entered the room when she awoke, an hour or so later.
"Adele, your scans don't show any change," said Craven. "But as you're not getting any worse, I'd like to reduce your scans to once a week."
"I can handle it, Doc," Adele muttered.
"I understand how you feel, but I simply must insist that it's in your best interest to not be subject to all the discomfort the transport and the scans bring you," said Craven. "How are the headaches?"
"Pain seems to be worse at night," Adele admitted.
"That's to be expected," said Craven. "These headaches are frequently brought on and exacerbated by stress and fatigue. How are things at home?"
"I still don't remember anything."
"Not to worry," said Craven. "There's no time limit on remembering. Go home, continue taking your medications, get sleep, and I will reschedule Thursday's appointment for same time next week."
Recognizing that it would be pointless to argue, Adele sighed, then nodded. With Jules' assistance, she got dressed and walked out of the hospital with Jules and Spike.
Upon arriving home, Adele face-planted on their bed and was fast asleep in seconds. Spike gently pulled the covers up to her shoulders, smiling sadly to himself, then left the room.
The resounding crash had the bomb tech out of bed and running across the hall to the bathroom before he was even fully awake. He managed not to crash into the bathroom doorway in the dark.
"Adele?" As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, Spike could see Adele leaning heavily against the sink, broken glass surrounding her feet. "Don't move, there's glass all over the floor."
"Dropped the freaking glass," Adele muttered.
"Headache?"
"Yeah."
"Let me get the light," said Spike.
"No, please," Adele said quickly, pleadingly. "The light hurts."
Spike felt a rush of pity at Adele's words. "Okay, sweetie, let's get you into the bedroom," he said. "I'll clean up while the pill takes effect."
"Okay, thank you," said Adele.
Holding onto his arm for help balancing, Adele walked into the bedroom with Spike. She sat down on the edge of the bed and he handed her a plastic cup of water and a pain pill. Pulling the bedroom door to block the light, but leaving it ajar, Spike reentered the bathroom, turned on the light, and cleaned up the glass. Only when he was absolutely certain he had found every shard did he return to the bedroom.
"Pain any better?" Spike asked, from the doorway.
"Getting there," Adele murmured sleepily, the effects of the painkiller already apparent.
"Tomorrow, Adele, would you like to take a short drive and go somewhere that might jog your memory?" Spike asked.
"Sure," Adele murmured. "Where?"
"Well, I was thinking..." Spike began. "Well, I have a few places in mind."
"Where?" Adele repeated.
Spike sighed. On one hand, at least in regards to the bridge, he didn't want to tell Adele ahead of time, in case she couldn't handle it. On the other, he knew "surprising" her would not be a good idea, since if she was frightened or overwhelmed, she would shut down.
"I was thinking," Spike said, "the picnic area where we had our first date; where we were married. And... the bridge."
"The bridge?" Adele asked.
"Adele, can I ask you if you're feeling depressed or suicidal right now?" Spike asked. He knew that, while her medications likely were still working, her emotional side could be a different story.
"Nope," said Adele. "I'm just..."
"Scared?"
"Yeah."
"Well, don't be," Spike assured her. "I'm with you."
Adele smiled. "I'm not, Spike. I'm with you."
Personally, so far, this was my favorite chapter to write. As an author, I too have to be patient with Adele, regarding when her memory returns. Characters have a way of writing the story themselves, in a way. Amnesia is a slow, painstaking process. Nothing usually comes from just telling the amnesiac stories, from what I've researched.
If you read it, please review. I can see folks have been reading, but haven't reviewed. I'd really like to hear what you thought of it so far. Thanks.