A/N: I'm not even going to apologize...I can feel your daggers, I assure you. Life has been awesome and crazy, though, so I've not had much time for fanfiction, unfortunately. My book Line of Kavanagh is in the process of being formatted as I write this, but getting those last edits out was nothing short of painful.
Enough about me, though! Fair warning, this chapter is a lot of doom and gloom. I've not been looking forward to it because it's just so freaking sad to me. Moria is a rather gloomy place, after all. I had planned to go further and finish Moria, but the point at which I stopped just really seemed to fit before the big change of pace in the next chapter. I hope you like it! ***WARNING*** There are minor spoilers for those of you who haven't read the book The Hobbit. ((Shame, shame if you haven't. haha!))
The song Shadow sings in this chapter is Ed Sheeran's "I See Fire". You might recognize it from the ending of The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. It's a beautiful song, and as always, I encourage you to listen to it while you read that part. I don't own it in any capacity, but it fit so perfectly with the tone and content of this chapter that I couldn't resist borrowing it.
On to the story!
~#*ITS*#~
When the morning dawned...at least they guessed it was morning from the single ray of light that broke through the rocky ceiling that vaulted overhead, the Fellowship was a fair bit more cheery than they had been in days. Here, in a grand, open hall, it had been deemed safe to risk some light, and this single change brightened the entire outlook of the journey. They might make it out of this cave yet. Merry and Pippin chattered quietly to themselves. Gimli, relishing the chance to see and show the grandeur of his people, was chanting the story of Moria as the others listened intently. Even Gandalf sat by smiling contentedly as he observed the surroundings.
Only Shadow remained alone. He sat against a wall, just outside of the light's reach, staring off blankly into the darkness. His mind was consumed with thoughts as dark as the dusty air around him: thoughts of the past, thoughts of the current situation, and thoughts of the not so distant future. Much had been lost for the sake of this god-forsaken place, and much more would be lost today.
Are you alright, Shadow?
Sam's innocent thoughts entered the Jedi's mind like that tiny ray of sunlight above them. With a grim smile, Shadow closed away his dark musings and turned his attention to the sandy haired hobbit who was stealing glances in his direction as Gimli's chant went on.
"Yes, Sam," Shadow thought back, "I'm alright."
Pardon my sayin' so...but it doesn't feel like you're alright.
Shadow released a breathy, mirthless laugh at Sam's perceptiveness. Their bond was stronger than he'd originally thought.
"I'm going to have to try harder to get things past you anymore, aren't I?"
I'm sorry.
Shadow could hear the embarrassment in Sam's thoughts.
"Don't be sorry," Shadow thought, pouring warmth into the bond between the two. "Just don't worry about me. Enjoy this time with your companions."
Shadow watched as Sam's blonde head bobbed slightly up and down in a nod. It seemed to go in rhythm with Gimli's chant, but Shadow knew that the motion was meant for him.
"Today's the day, isn't it?" Gandalf planted himself next to the sulking Jedi. Shadow was silent. "I've known you long enough to see when you're waiting for disaster."
Shadow remained silent for a moment before speaking.
"I-" He stopped, sighing heavily, "I wish I could save you."
"You cannot save everyone, you know," Gandalf smiled sorrowfully. "I would have thought all of your years would have taught you that much."
Shadow's eyes flicked to Frodo.
"I guess knowledge and acceptance are two very different things," he muttered.
"Yes, well, you said so yourself that I'll return," Gandalf stretched out his long legs.
"Yes, but-" Shadow's words were cut off by a motion from the wizard's slender hand.
"None of that," Gandalf shook his head. "Death is but a transition from one state to another...a minor nuisance."
He looked hard at Shadow. The Jedi's hood remained trained on the Fellowship still sitting in the lighted circle. His eyes softened, and he smiled grimly.
"My dear child," Shadow's hood swiveled to look on Gandalf's aged face. "That heart of yours must be a terrible burden, indeed."
Shadow was silent, and Gandalf stood with a groan.
"Ugh," he muttered, "perhaps a tune up on this old man wouldn't be such a bad thing." Before returning to the group, Gandalf looked over his shoulder to Shadow's forlorn position. "Let me tell you what I've heard someone I respect and admire say on so many hopeless occasions..."
Shadow lifted his head.
"'Everything will be alright'," Gandalf repeated his own words back to him. "How about you let an old man make everything alright for once?"
Silently, Shadow nodded, watching Gandalf's retreating back.
~#*ITS*#~
After breakfast, it was time to decide on a direction.
"We are high up on the eastern side of the mountain," Gandalf said matter-of-factly.
"We should travel through the eastern arch then?" Boromir suggested quietly. Gandalf nodded.
"It is likely that we are a good distance north of the Gates, but it would help if I had a more exact sense of our current location. The eastern gate seems the most promising, though."
"I shall be glad to be in the light of day again," Gimli interjected with a curt nod. "I am happy to have looked on Moria, but it is not the place of our people anymore. It is doubtful that Balin was here at all."
"Gimli," Shadow stood and spoke for the first time that morning. Merry and Pippin jumped, having forgotten that he was still behind them. "There is yet one more thing you need to see."
With nothing but sorrow and regret in every step he plodded forward, Shadow led the Fellowship through the northern archway of the hall and into a smaller, square chamber. The light that could be seen in the great hall had originated from a shaft in the ceiling of this room. It fell squarely on a large, flat slab of stone in the center of the chamber. Shadow motioned for Gimli to go to the stone. Dwarvish runes were carved into the top, but they were a text so old, few could now read it.
"Balin, son of Fundin, Lord of Moria," Gandalf's deep baritone gave the words a sense of finality.
With an agonized cry, Gimli fell to his knees before the tomb. His companions crowded around, unsure of how to comfort him, while Shadow fought behind them to hold in his own grief.
Slowly, the Jedi, looking like someone truly in mourning in his black garb, went to the side of the beautiful tomb and began singing with a voice that wrenched the hearts of everyone looking on.
"Oh, Misty eye of the Mountain below...
Keep careful watch of my brother's soul...
And should the sky be filled with...fire and smoke,
Keep watching over Durin's sons..."
He stopped, leaving the last word to echo through the large chamber. Chills ran over Legolas's skin as the sound faded into emptiness.
"Keep going, Mister Shadow," Merry urged him softly.
Shadow sat silently for a moment before taking a deep breath and continuing.
"If this is to end in fire, then we shall all burn together.
Watch the flames climb high into the night.
Calling out, Father, oh, stand by and we will
Watch the flames burn auburn on
The mountain side."
Sam could have sworn he began hearing more than one voice singing as well as soft instruments playing along. He guessed that Shadow was allowing him to hear the song as it should be heard. The sound of it was both beautiful and heartbreaking.
"And if we should die tonight-"
Shadow's voice broke, choked with emotion. Suddenly, though, he found a hand around his clenched fist.
"Then we should all die together," Gimli spoke the lyrics to him, his expression knowingly thankful. Before he could continue, Shadow regained his composure.
"Raise a glass of wine for the last time.
Calling out, Father, oh, prepare as we will
Watch the flames burn auburn on
The mountain side.
Desolation comes upon the sky.
Now I see fire
Inside the mountain.
I see fire
Burning the trees.
And I see fire
Hollowing souls.
I see fire
Blood in the breeze.
And I hope that you'll remember me."
As Shadow continued singing, in Sam's mind's eye, he could see scenes of terrible destruction. Fire covered the entire landscape. He saw the Dwarf Gloin, Gimli's father, fighting in battle. He saw a group of mourners. He then began to see faces of those lost. Though he had never seen them, he knew them, and he grieved. Fili, Kili, Thorin, and so many others... The faces changed from those seen in Middle Earth to faces from galaxies unknown. Sam knew them as well. Qui-gon Jinn, Mace Windu, Kit Fisto, Master Yoda, Obi-wan Kenobi. Shadow had been witness to all of their deaths, and he grieved. His grief was such that the hobbit had never before experienced.
The scene changed again, back to Middle Earth. Sam recognized two faces he'd seen before in his childhood. They were the faces of Frodo's parents. Before he had time to react, however, the ghostly images changed again to the face of Boromir, and last, to Gandalf. Sam realized that not all of the deaths he'd seen had yet occurred. Shadow not only carried the weight of those he had not been able to save, but also the burden of those he knew he would not be able to save in the future. Sam had never pondered what life must be like for one who knows the future. He remembered how violently Shadow had struggled thus far to ensure that each of them remained safe. Without his intervention, they might have failed the quest already, but it seemed that there were some things that knowledge couldn't change. What a terrible fate it must be to know how life is supposed to end for each of his companions and to be powerless against it. Try as he might, sometimes Shadow failed...and that failure weighed heavily on his soul.
Sam was shaken from his thoughts when Frodo touched his arm. He was sobbing. His cheeks were wet with tears he didn't know he'd been shedding. While he'd been lost in Shadow's mind, the Jedi had continued his song, and had carefully cleaned away all the dirt and debris on Balin's tomb as he did so. The song was almost over when Sam began listening again.
"And if the night is burning, I will cover my eyes
For if the dark returns then my brothers will die.
And as the sky is falling down
Crashed into this lonely town,
and with that shadow on the ground
I hear my people screaming out,
And I see fire
Inside the mountain.
I see fire
Burning the trees.
And I see fire
Hollowing souls.
I see fire
Blood in the breeze.
...And I see fire burn auburn on the mountain side..."
When the Jedi's song was finished, the Fellowship dispersed to explore the room for indications of what had transpired there. Shadow stood, saluted his old friend in the dwarvish manner, and turned away.
"Shadow," Gimli spoke gruffly, hiding most of his emotion. "Thank you. My father and Balin sang that song every year on the anniversary of the Battle of the Five Armies. I knew it was not a song of the Dwarves, but they would never tell me where they learned it...It seems that the Dwarves of Erebor owe you much."
"No," Shadow replied, "I only wish I could have been of more help to them...then perhaps we wouldn't be here now."
"Sometimes fate will be fate regardless of our best intentions," Gimli smoothed his mouth into a thin line. "What's important is that you try anyway."
Shadow nodded, allowing the words to sink in.
"I promise to always try," he swore quietly, looking again to Balin's tomb.
~#*ITS*#~
A/N: Well that was delightfully depressing. The next chapter won't be any better...sorry...at least it will be more exciting! I'll try to have it out quickly since my muse is actually doing her job at the moment. You know what to do!