Debwood-1999, that's quite alright, I appreciate when you do. I hope it's not anti-climatic, we'll just have to wait & see, lol. plebs, thank you! takers dark lover, Phil knew he couldn't take it all the way in the first go.. & thank you. M.j's place, (giggles) I stopped looking at popsicles innocently long ago. Thanks. LadyDragonsblood, came back to disappear.. it's been a bad winter. Ugh, Punk.. I read this & went 'do I even want to know?' & pretty much decided I didn't. I still don't know. & he usually acts like a child. I giggled at 'something will slip' out cuz I'm a perv, but yeah, he's putting a lot of trust in it. Gerard really don't want to get taken from his new family. Thanks, hun. Guest, thank you so much. Cerucci, Adam probably does expect it, lol. Philly has a soft spot where Gerard's concerned.. & a hard spot. Thank you, I'm trying to get sucked back in.

The Darkest Corners;
Chapter eighteen/ 'Nagging Guilt'
Rated; M/ L (adult situations)

Adam's feet were killing him. He had been all over the halls, getting supplies, checking on patients, putting in an IV.. he even assisted in a delivery. And watching a woman give birth was still one the scariest things he's ever seen. He's not even sure how it's a possible thing. Well, he knows how medically.. but it just doesn't seem like it could be physically. He got to clean off the screaming, squirmy, pink newborn and bundle her up before handing her to her mommy. The mother was also crying, but happy tears- and probably a few tears of relief that it was over- as the proud father beamed from the side of the bed. Adam watched the woman smile, holding her new baby, both parents cooing to it. He ignored that pang he felt in his chest and told them he had to check out after that.

He had forgotten how stressful this job was.. but sometimes he did miss it. For the past few months he'd stuck to the institute and Gerard. He had been considering seeing if he could come back to work- but he didn't think he could do it every day, or for many hours. Between the hospital and Gerard, it would be too much.. and he wasn't giving up his boy. He wondered if maybe he could come in maybe two or three days out of the week to help out, just for a couple hours a day, or just maybe on the weekends. He could get someone to watch Gerard for that much time.. even if it had to be Phil. If he did weekends Chris would be there to watch him and he wouldn't have to worry about Phil..

But even so, Adam wasn't sure he was ready to come back. Sure, he missed it, but today had been so hard and it hadn't even been for very long. Plus, he was starting to like staying at home, taking care of Gerard and not having to be called in at strange hours.. Maybe he was getting too comfortable in it.. But maybe he needed the break from it as well. Maybe he needed to wait on going back for any length of time.. at least until Gerard got a little more better. Adam hated to think of ruining his progress with this, making him feel abandoned every day like he did every night when he left him at Gateway. Gerard hated that, he'd scream and cry at first, but he learned to accept it and expect it. Adam just wanted to make it clear that he'd always come back to him. No matter what.

Adam figured he'd talk to Chris about it later and stop dwelling on it now. He wanted to get home soon. He had just realized with a growing panic that he had left Phil Brooks alone in his house with Gerard.

-xx-

After getting his pajamas on, Gerard returned to the living room to lay on the couch with his head on Phil's thigh. The TV was on a cartoon he didn't much care for, but he wasn't watching it anyway, even though his eyes were on it, he wasn't paying attention to the jokes or what the characters were really up to. He just stared at the colors, tired and thinking. It wasn't that he felt bad for what he and Phil did.. he felt bad for having to lie to Adam about it.

It wasn't really lying, he just had to keep it secret. He understood perfectly well that it was one of those things that was supposed to be kept private and was okay with that. But the thought of it coming out worried him. Apparently Mama would not be happy with it and Mama didn't always get along with Phil anyhow and would make Phil stay away if he found out. He didn't want Phil to stay away. He didn't want to not be able to play with him again.. he didn't want to not be able to do that again. He wasn't sure that Mama would believe that he really really liked it. It was something new and exciting.. something special that he just shared with Phil.

He felt Phil's fingers absently stroking his hair and it relaxed him. He nuzzled Phil's thigh like it were a pillow, dozing off into an actual peaceful slumber.

Phil looked at his phone for the time. It had been a few minutes since Gerard fell asleep. Somehow his thumb had found his mouth in that time and he sighed contently around it, lips quirking almost into a smile. Phil watched him for a second, wondering if he had given him any pleasant dreams and feeling proud about the thought that he had. He had walked in before on one of Gerard's nightmares and it never failed to scare the shit out of him. Once an orderly got clocked with a bedpan that Gerard managed to get his hands on before Adam could successfully wake him up. Gerard always seemed to be fighting off his attacker in his dreams since he never had a chance to even try in real life. Phil wondered if maybe one day he'd get him and end the nightmares at least.

The TV's volume was turned down low and the silence unnerved him, left him with his thoughts and he hated that. He supposed he should be feeling guilty about taking advantage of him. After all, Gerard hadn't really knew what he was doing.. but he had understood when Phil explained it. Maybe he was shy at first, but he liked it, got in to it.. So Phil wasn't going to let himself feel guilty about playing with his boyfriend. He decided to stop feeling sorry for himself and take his boyfriend back the only way he could. He knew he could've messed him up more- or at least thanks to Adam he knew it- but he didn't mess him up.

Least, he hoped it didn't mess him up.

No, he wouldn't mess him up. Gerard was still very bright, he could understand if given enough patience. He had to know that Phil would never hurt him.. not anymore, not ever again.. not on purpose. Not like that day. And then someone else had hurt him that day and it made Phil angry for so many reasons. For taking his boyfriend from him, for destroying someone who didn't ever deserve it, for getting away with it. For hurting him before Phil could make things right. He hated them, whoever they were. He hated that he couldn't do anything about it, that he couldn't get his hands on them. He'd kill them for what they cost him, the both of them.

He had driven around awhile after leaving Gerard at his parents that day, he had calmed down after a long while and a lot of thought. He had planned to pick Gerard up later, apologize, fix it.

But when he got back to the house, there were police sirens everywhere. The ambulance had already left with Gerard, the police were working the fucking crime scene just like it was like every other one in the world. He had heard that someone anonymously called in the murders, no one knew who or if they had any information to help with the case.

-xx-

When Adam got home he found Phil channel surfing the muted television on the couch, Gerard asleep on his side beside him, sucking his thumb. Phil glanced at him briefly, seeing it was just Adam and nodded. "Hey. How was work?"

"Stressful as always." It was a hospital, after all. "How was he?" He noted Gerard was in clean pajamas.

"Fine. Messy."

"Why has he been changed?"

"He got sticky."

"Do I even wanna ask how?" Adam wasn't sure he really wanted to know.

"He had ice cream." Phil said matter-of-fact. Because, well, that really wasn't a lie.. even if it wasn't the whole truth.

Adam nodded, letting his mind to stop wandering. Gerard looked okay, the living room looked okay, the house hadn't been destroyed by natural causes or by the two mischief makers. "How long's he been out?"

Phil clicked off the television. "Oh, about a few minutes."

"Any nightmares then?"

Phil shook his head. "Nope. Not so far."

"He worry about me? Cry?"

Phil's lips quirked. "Nah, I kept him distracted, Ma. He was a good boy."

"Good. Thank you." Adam peeled his jacket off and laid it across the back of the chair before crouching down in front of Gerard, stroking his hair back gently and pulling his hand away from his mouth. "Hey, Mama's home.. gonna wake up for me, sleepy-head?"

Gerard's eyelids fluttered a bit. "Hm..? Mama..?" His eyes opened at the first bleary glimpse of Adam, he smiled contently and raised up to wrap his arms around Adam's neck. "Mama, hi."

Adam smiled and lifted the still sleepy boy up. "Hi there. Phil said you were a good boy. Was Phil a good boy?"

Gerard nodded, yawning.

"I'm always good. That insults me, Copeland." Phil stood and stretched.

"Um-hm, I bet." Adam snuggled his boy tighter. Work had been fun, but he was glad to be back home with Gerard. "Told you I'd be home before Daddy."

Phil had gotten his jacket on and went over to give Gerard a kiss. "I have to go now, Gee. Take care of Mama."

"Kay, bye, Philly." The drowsy boy managed.

"Bye." Phil kissed him again before taking his leave.

Adam sat Gerard down for the boy to yawn and rub his eyes. He was more awake now. "So.. have fun today with Phil?"

"Uh-huh. We pwayed." Gerard plopped down beside Adam as he sat on the couch, cuddling up against his side.

"Played, huh..?"

"Uh-huh. You have fun at work?" Gerard reached up to play with Mama's hair, twirling a strand around his finger. Adam's hair was so soft and pretty.

"I did. But I missed you." He nibbled Gerard's cheek, growling playfully to make him giggle. Gerard seemed perfectly fine and happy, so nothing he feared could have possibly happened.

"I missed you too, Mama."

-xx-

Adam was starting to get paranoid. He had been brushing things off like the creepy phone calls.. but now he was starting to feel like they were being watched. Of course just him and Gerard.. Chris didn't believe it. He just thought Adam was being his usual worry-wart self.. but this was different. He had Gerard now, out of the institute.. what if the attacker knew he was out and was watching..? Adam couldn't bear to think it could be true. He told himself he was imagining it..

But those damn 'what ifs' still plagued him.

One day he had taken Gerard to the grocery store and he swore he felt like he was being watched. The problem was, he never saw anybody suspicious, he'd look around and all he ever saw was regular people doing their shopping, paying no attention to him because they were too busy with their own errands. It was just this nagging feeling he had. An anxiety he had never really dealt with before.. like he was just waiting for danger to strike.

Adam was holding his leash, but that seemed unnecessary since his boy was clinging to his arm, edging just behind him. The boy was still uneasy about being in public. And it didn't matter if Adam was "just being a worry-wart," he was going to keep Gerard close anyway.

Adam tossed a box of cereal into the buggy he was pushing. "Gee.. you wanna push the buggy for awhile?"

Gerard merely peeked over his shoulder and shook his head.

Adam sighed and picked up a box of Boo Berry cereal, shaking it at him to get his attention. "You want this?" Chris had gotten him hooked on what Adam called seasonal crack. The damn cereal was only around for Halloween and after October 31st it would be gone until next year.

Gerard's eyes lit up as Adam suspected and he grabbed the box, holding it close to him. "Mine."

"Daddy'll make you share." Adam smiled.

"He can get his own." Gerard said, admiring the box. It had a professionally done comic strip on the back this year. He'd make someone read it to him, or help him read it tonight. Thanks to aunt Heath he was starting to understand some of the bigger words he didn't get in the institute.

Back home later Adam sat down tiredly on the couch next to Chris. "Clothes are in the dryer.. you can get them out, I'm done with them."

Chris snickered. "Towels misbehaving again?"

"They're evil and out to get me." He nodded down to Gerard, who sat in the floor, box of cereal in his lap, eyes glued to the movie Casper. "He's eating it out of the box. He's picked up some of your habits." Adam nudged his lover playfully.

"I've taught him well." Chris patted his stomach, it was about time to go put on dinner and he was letting the boy spoil his appetite. He looked over at Adam as the blonde chewed on his lip. "Something bothering you, babe?" He asked, walking his fingers up Adam's thigh, blowing a dry raspberry with his lips as his hand was swatted away.

"Just that thing that's been nagging me. I don't know what the hell it is.. I don't see anyone following us, but it's like I can feel eyes watching me.."

"I don't think anyone's watching you." He didn't want to say that that was just what he was supposed to say. He really hoped it was just Adam's imagination. "I think you're just worked up over these stupid phone calls. If I find out who it is, I'm gonna pound the shit out of them."

"What if it's a kid?" Adam said with such an adorable pout that Chris couldn't help but kiss him.

"Then I'll pound their parents instead. Don't worry."

Adam smiled, nuzzling Chris and watching the movie. Last time he had started bawling at this point and didn't stop until the end. Damn kid's movies. And joking aside, he really hoped the calls were just a kid pranking him.

-xx-

The next Sunday just happened to be Phil's birthday and he just had to be over for Walking Dead that night. He just had to visit Gerard for his birthday because that was more important than anything else he could be doing. Plus AJ and Mike tried to throw him a party earlier and Mike threatened renting Fandango for the evening. Phil suspected he was secretly into the guy.

Somehow Gerard had remembered Phil's birthday and made him a card, which he gave to him during a commercial break. Gerard really wasn't into this episode anyway, Daryl was barely in it and he wasn't sure of what was going on. "Mama and aunt Heaf helped wiff it. I t'olored it and drawed it and they helped me wiff the words."

It amused Phil when Gerard tried to spit out everything at once, messing up his words since he was so nervous.. like Phil wouldn't like it. "Oh, they did, did they?" Phil smiled, reading that the card said 'Happy Birthday, Philly' and 'I Love You' and Gerard had signed his name.

"Uh-huh, aunt Heaf's been helping me wiff w'ite-writing."

"He's getting better." Heath said, startling Phil since the redhead had been extra quiet watching this episode. No one was used to a quiet Heath during The Walking Dead..

"He is. Thanks for that." Phil used to help at the institute, but hadn't in awhile. Adam wanted Gerard taught some basic things. It's not like he had to go to school. Phil wasn't sure if he could exactly go to school. He'd never have to worry about working at any rate and got a check for his disability to help Adam out with his basic needs and wants. But a little fucking knowledge never hurt anybody.

Gerard then pushed a small Batman car in his hand. "Want you to have this. I couldn't get you nuffin' yet."

"Oh no, Gee, this is yours. I couldn't.."

"I 'ave two of 'em, you can." Gerard then snuggled up in his lap, nuzzling his neck and the issue was over.

Phil clutched the car in his hand and hugged the smaller male. "Thank you."

I'd had wanted to have more fun with the holidays, Halloween & then Christmas.. but in real-life, when the weather got bad, so did my pain, making sitting at my desk chair really hard. I was (am) really into this fic, & am proud of it, & just wanted to have fun with it. I feel guilty that the build-up to the bad guy isn't impressive, but I'll get to it.. eventually.. the next chapter hopefully won't be far behind.. & there's sexy time.