Another fic written as a response to the One Hour Challenge at Destiny's Gateway Romantic Fan Fiction Archive. The original challenge was: #104 "I don't know, it tastes kind of funny." I don't usually do crack fics, in fact I love writing humor but I avoid writing crack fics because they can go terribly wrong very fast. However I saw this prompt, and I fought so hard not to make it naughty…maybe I should have, but it was fun to write this piece. Reviews would be lovely~
Dracula looked at the full chalice with an austere look upon his handsome face. Whatever the red liquid was rippling in the metal, it wasn't what he was used to. In fact it tasted appalling. Van Helsing sighed as the Count clearly didn't want anymore to drink…that must have been a first.
"What's wrong?" he asked hoping to get Dracula to do something other than stare down into his ornate wine glass.
"I don't know, it tastes kind of funny," he said, his Romanian accent making his modern vernacular seem strange on his tongue.
"What do you mean funny?" Van Helsing asked.
"I know its blood—any fool could see that—but…it doesn't taste like it should," the black haired man replied slowly. Van Helsing's curiosity was peeked so he sat down in the empty seat next to the count.
"What does blood usually taste like for you?" he asked seriously. Dracula's blue eyes fixed on his hazel ones confused.
"You really want to know?" he smirked. Van Helsing swallowed uneasily before he nodded confidently. Dracula relaxed in his seat and swirled the liquid in its container.
"It's all different," he began, "Each person has a unique taste. A virgin's blood is crisp and clear…a loving wife's blood is sweet. Too sweet for my taste actually but my brides enjoy it." Van Helsing nearly grimaced at the mention of Dracula's immortal companions. "And then there's people like you," he said, the Count's tone taking on a seductive quality, "I've never been able to savor the blood of a man as strong as you Gabriel. Won't you let me sometime?" Pearl white fangs began to show from Dracula's supple lips.
However, Van Helsing was not eager to take the vampire up on his offer. He had the feeling the immortal wouldn't turn him into the undead, but for Dracula biting and having sex were one in the same. That was a territory he didn't ever want to venture into.
"Wouldn't you rather know what you're drinking there?" Van Helsing gestured towards the chalice in Dracula's hand. The black haired man looked down as if he'd almost forgotten he'd been holding something.
"Ah, yes…this. What is this?" He sniffed the contents then brought some into his mouth trying to discern the flavor.
Van Helsing gave a smirk of his own. "It's red wine…with Cardinal Jinette's blood."
The ancient vampire froze. His stunning blue eyes met Van Helsing's in disbelief before giving the best reaction the monster slayer could have hoped for.
He whipped his head to the side, his pulled back ebony hair swishing with the movement, then promptly spat the liquid in his mouth all over his marble floor. As Van Helsing laughed so hard his face turned red, Dracula threw his cup to the far side of the room and began wiping his mouth on his sleeve. For the first time in four centuries, Vladislaus Dracula wanted to vomit.