Chapter 17
Elrohir woke up.
His eyesight was blurry and he had to blink several times. He thought he must have overslept because of all the morning sunshine that was entering through his room. He rubbed his eyes a bit letting them stretch open, clearing themselves from the foggy view. Handcombing his long forehead hair backwards, he went and reached down to grab a random shirt to wear when he noticed something.
He wasn't in his room.
He bolted upwards, sitting up when his hands touched something liquid-like and squinted around his surroundings. However, he immediately leaned back as he almost fell forward from the wobbling floating wood plank he had been lying in.
"Whoa," he said relief he hadn't fallen forward and he looked around. He was in the middle of a large lake and he believed he had been lying down on that plank the entire night. Wet morning dew had clung to his plank and was making it a bit slippery to be in. Surrounding the lake, were a few reed plants and hills but beyond that were some forests.
"Ugh, this was Arwen's doing, that evil little twit," he grunted scanning around looking for some stick to use as a row. Oh, Elrohir simply loved his situation right now. Sitting in a plank wearing a nightgown in the middle of a lake in who knows where! He was in the middle of nowhere and...who knew how far Imladris was from here? First he had to get out of this freaking lake.
But wait-what about Elladan?
"Dan!" he shouted cupping his hands. "Dan!"
He found Elladan a few feet to his south, still sleeping peacefully and snoring. Even if Daeradar and Daernaneth had accused him of being a ham addict (something he admitted but would never tell his siblings), they were right about something: Elladan was a thick sleeper. And his snores..ugh. Elrohir needed some cotton for he feared his absolutely beautiful ears were breaking.
He hand-rowed himself slowly a bit closer to him. "Dan! DAN!"
Elladan remained asleep, turning face-first. Then he muttered something barely inaudible but that was good...it meant he was slightly awake.
Elrohir tried again. "DAN! DAN WAKE UP!"
"Please take me away Chompy," Elladan muttered in his sleep, probably dazed and dreaming, "take me away in your unicorn wings and we shall travel to Barbieland to eat tacos!"
Elrohir frowned. And they thought being a ham addict was strange? Elladan in his dreams was stranger! He was just confused on how he could be so intelligent and how Elladan could be so stupid even if they were both twins! And what were unicorns? And where was this 'Barbieland?' And were these so-called taco things really edible? Whatever. Why was he thinking this? They had more important issues to solve...like, I dunno, GETTING OUT?
"Dan, I'm serious. This is not a drill, we are in an uncomfortable prank war situation," exclaimed Elrohir. "SERIOUSLY BROTHER! Wake up!"
"I like goats Chompy," whispered Elladan dreamily. "Can we take goats too? Goats are pretty! We can dress them up with dresses and play with them like Barbies! Yay! Oh, and can we eat some peanut butter sandwiches on the way to Barbieland? Peanut butter is good...I like peanut butter."
'Holy Valar,' thought Elrohir incredulously. In normal circumstances he would be laughing at his twin and running around Imladris getting people to witness this but...let's say he wasn't in that mood anymore. 'My brother is mad.'
"ELLADAN!" said Elrohir using his entire name which meant big trouble. "ELLADAN, ELLADAN, ELLADAN, FOR BLOODY ARDA WAKE UP!"
However, Elladan continued dreaming. "Is Barbieland in a cheese universe? I like cheese...cheesy weesy squeezy easy cheesy cheese! Oh cheese! I love cheese! Can I marry some cheese in Barbieland Chompy? Plllleeeaaassseee? I love cheese! Cheese! Cheesy cheese cheese! I absolutely love cheese!"
Elrohir was at the top. He couldn't bare it anymore. He put his hands in the cool water of the lake and he splashed Elladan. A LOT OF TIMES. He splashed him about seven times before Elladan was cut from his strange dream and woke sitting up with a scowl. Soaked wet, he glared at Elrohir before noticing where they were. "What the-? Whoa...where in Arda are we, Ro?"
"I was going to ask you that Dan," snapped back Elrohir angrily. "But apparently you were too busy talking to Chompy the Unicorn about going to Barbieland with a bunch of goats while eating tacos and marrying a blob of cheese!"
Elladan frowned at him, looking for a split second genuinely worried. "Uh...are you all right Ro? Are you sure you're not drunk?"
Elrohir sighed in exasperation. Sometimes life was so tiring. Okay...his brother was tiring. "Nevermind. Anyways, when I awoke we were here in the middle of this lake. We don't need to guess to know who did this to us."
"Arwen and her evil minions!" growled Elrohir. "Damnation, they're getting good."
"Arwen does have our genes, we have the same parents you know."
"Still!" said Elladan waving dramatically. "We have to get them back...but in the right place and the right time. We need something big, funny and elaborate! Something Imladris will never forget!"
"I know we will Dan," sighed Elrohir. "But we've got a bigger problem right now."
"Oh...yes," said Elladan suddenly noticing where they were. "But wait! Wouldn't swimming just be a lot easier, Ro?"
"It's a long way Dan," replied Elrohir. "Besides, I don't want to get my night robes wet."
"You're such a prissy Ro."
"Am not!"
"Are!"
"Am not!"
"Are!"
"Am not!"
"Are!"
"Am not!"
"Are!"
"Am not!"
"Am not!"
"Are argh, I FELL!" growled Elrohir annoyed as Elladan laughed. "All right...we need to focus. How are we going to get out of here?"
"Since you're such a prissy and swimming is out of the picture," said Elladan rolling his eyes, "maybe we should both be in one of these planks and we should both row to the shore."
"Not a bad idea, I guess. Your plank is closest to shore, I'll jump to yours." stated Elrohir.
"WHOA! This was my idea, why can't I jump to yours?" snapped back Elladan. "Besides, you're so pudgy, that if you jump to my plank, you're probably going to make both of us sink!"
"Liar!" growled Elrohir. "I'm not pudgy at all! It's just baby fat! The point is that I'm not fat and I am not a ham addict!"
"Yes you are!"
"No I am not!"
"Yes!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"No!"
"No!"
"Haha Dan!" laughed Elrohir. "I'm not falling into that one anymore. Or didn't they tell you? Once you do a joke, you can't do it again! So old Dan."
"Aw," said Elladan and the brothers chuckled.
Although not for long.
Swirling next to them, came a few creatures. They had murky green scales and slithered through the water with an increasing agility. They were sly and their tails curled against the glistening clear water, as if they were marking their territory, dominating it. They weren't orc bodies...nope, they were something else. And perhaps Elladan and Elrohir didn't pay much attention to their biology lessons much because they were too busy making paper storks and whispering behind the tutor's back but they certainly knew what these were.
Crocodiles.
They looked at each other. "Uh oh."
Radagast felt afraid.
Well...there really wasn't much of a difference since he was scared most of the time. Living in the outskirts of Mirkwood wasn't as peaceful as say, Rivendell. He had know idea how he tolerated the haunting shadow that lay in that place. He felt terribly sorry for the trees as well...oh, the poor things!
However...stopping his rabbit sleigh as he edged closer to the village, there was a small sense of nausea that raised up his lungs.
It was a horrible stench. It was a smell far more horrid than rotten onions, spider piss, rat intestines and the vomit from a sick man. It hung strong upon the air, like an unwanted perfume and a lasting imprint. As Radagast hopped down from his sleigh, ushering his restlessly scared rabbits quiet, he hobbled over to investigate, squinting his burning eyes and wrinkling his rather pudgy nose as the smell came to place.
He had been headed to the South when he'd seen a village. He'd estimated that about three hundred people might live there and he figured out that at least one of those people would be willing to be interviewed by him. However, he'd found it queer when he'd found the village so quiet as he had neared it. And then that horrid smell had caught his nose and well...curiosity had got the best of him.
The village gate was open, half-melted and half-broken, the steel twisted awfully uncomfortable angles. That meant...that something or someone had intruded into the place. Radagast's fingers wriggled through the injured iron bars and pushed them as he creeped inside. "Who could have done this?" he whispered to himself.
Pewie was getting incredibly anxious inside his hat. She chirped uncomfortably inside his hat, ruffling his dirt-smudged hair and he took off his hat, gently letting her out. Putting it back on, he watched as she chirped and flew down to his hands. Chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp chirp, chirp, chirp!
"Oh I know Pewie," said Radagast sighing. "You think I like this too? I just need to investigate this scene for a while and then we'll leave. The smell isn't the most flattering you know."
Chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp-chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, CHIRP!
"HEY! That was insulting Pewie!" exclaimed Radagast as they headed further into the village. "And, NO...I do not smell worse than your grandmother's poop."
Radagast's feet bounced through the cobblestone roads of the village. The scent was getting harder and thicker but as disgusted as he was, he was still curious about it. A ringing silence hung when suddenly, he saw the marks and clues.
Blood.
It trickled through the cobblestones, making them damp and sticky. The red substance hung throughout the village and sprinkled over the village like snow on a winter's day. He gulped as he kneeled down and poked the blood with his finger. The blood was fresh.
And then...he saw it. The source of all of the blood and that horrid smell. The bodies. Radagast had never seen something more awful. The bodies only increased as he walked on, the muscles torn apart and the bones fractured. They were twisted painfully and were crumbled on the floor carelessly.
"Oh dear, oh dear," muttered Radagast. If only he could revive people like he could revive animals...oh, how wonderful that would be. Shuddering, he looked around. There was only one being that could cause so much damage...orcs.
He quickly turned back and was starting to head back to his rabbit sleigh. He needed to report this to Gandalf! He had to warn him about these orc attacks! All their predictions were slowly turning right and now there was some proof.
But suddenly, another thing raised in his mind and he stopped in his tracks.
The blood had been fresh. The bodies had been clean and gleaming, meaning that they had been recently killed. The village's furniture and things had been thrown out and had crashed upon the street's cobblestones but they had been in a relatively decent state, meaning it had been recently plundered. And soon, he realized, that whoever had done this...
Was still here.
A noise. A step. A growl. A laugh. A gag.
And soon, Radagast had no idea of what was happening. He heard a small squeak from Pewie at his left and there was darkness and he knew no more.
"Where are Elladan and Elrohir?"
Lady Celebrian looked at all of them frantically as she asked them the question again. It was ten in the morning and all of them were already half-way through their breakfasts but there was no sign of the twins anywhere. Their seats stood hauntingly empty, letting out a queer silence.
Arwen sighed, rolling her eyes. "They're probably plotting their 'revenge prank' against me Nana. You know how excited they can get in a prank war."
"It's true dearie, but Elrohir wouldn't miss breakfast," said Celebrian. "He is too fond of ham for that."
"And besides," said Lord Elrond entering the room. "Elladan oversleeps but he does not oversleep that much."
"Elrond!" exclaimed Celebrian frantically, turning to her husband. "Did you talk to the servants? How is everything? The twins?"
Elrond shook his head somberly. "They weren't in bed."
"WHAT?" asked Celebrian and her motherly instincts turned on. The warmth fostered for her sons bloomed and worry rose up her chest. "Butwhatiftheygotkidnappedorsomebodyisharmingthem? Whatiftheyarenotevenalive!Whatiftheyaredeadormylittlebabiesareabandonnedandinjuredinsomecreepyplacealoneandstarving?"
"I could lead a patrol to go find them," offered Gandalf understanding Celebrian's worries.
"Oh no mellon," said Elrond. "There is no need for you to do so. We would not want you to be involved in this inconvenience."
"Ada, Nana, Uncle Mith..." started Arwen shyly, noticing how much trouble she had caused because of her 'small' prank. "I think I might want to confess something-"
"OH NO YOU DON'T YOU LITTLE BRATTY PEST!"
Suddenly, all heads turned to the door which was now opened. Some servants had escorted and left Elladan and Elrohir inside the Dining Hall. They were both wrapped in towels but were both still cold and trembling. They were wet, water dripping down every single piece of clothing they wore and they were both in a layer of mud, twigs, plants and tiny pebbles. And the smell...ugh, it smelled like pig dung.
But still, everybody could see the glare in their blue eyes as they pierced into Arwen's.
However, before they could speak, Legolas looked at them. "You two look terrible. And you're soaking wet. What happened to you?"
Fuming and too angry to talk, Elrohir sat down in his seat and grabbed a piece of ham while starting to nibble on it. Elladan sitting in his usual seat as well, settled down in his chair and turned to look at Legolas irritably and then at everybody.
"What happened to us? Oh I'LL tell you what happened!"
AN: Hello there! Sorry for the one month delay...I feel terrible about it but life has been horrible and well, stuff happens. Still, I'm happy to say I won the school poetry contest! I won 1st place for my grade AND for my school section! I'm pretty proud about that! But seriously...I AM truly sorry for my terrible hiatus. I shouldn't have made you guys waited so long and I appreciate how awesome you guys are! :) I'll post Ch. 18 in a couple of days in order to compensate you guys. And yes, yes...I know, this was kind of fluffy but the plot will get thicker. Especially since you guys already have an idea of who the bad guy is.
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
-Thorin Oakenshield, "The Hobbit."
-Badass Archer Daughter
P.S: By the way...HOLY VALAR! Does anybody just want to PM me about how AWESOME the trailer was? I am just fangirling SO HARD! Feel free to tell me what you thought about it, guys!