Killian manages to convince Emma to give him a chance and she gathers the courage to take a big leap of faith, without knowing that she's going to have to actually leap before the day is done. Thank you for all the lovely reviews you've left me so far and I hope you enjoy!
Emma expects Killian to show up at her door the same evening, her fingers gently touching the dry flowers as she listens to the TV, but he never shows. Days pass slowly and Friday morning dawns without any word from him; her phone is silent too, but even though Emma misses him, she tells herself that it's better this way.
She doesn't need more complications in her life.
The day drags on and on and Walsh seems pissed because Emma canceled her standing coffee order and Elsa did too, the two of them taking the elevator to the third floor and getting their coffees from the machine.
"What if he doesn't try to contact you again?" Elsa asks and Emma slouches in her chair, her head tipped back and her eyes on the ceiling she can't see.
"Then I'll know that I was wrong about him and that it's good that I didn't trust him", Emma says, her tone discouraging Elsa from the subject.
"I don't think you should give up hope yet", Elsa says and Emma frowns, but doesn't ask her what she means. "What are you doing this weekend?"
"I don't know beyond laundry. Listening to audio books", Emma says listlessly, then perks up a little at Elsa's suggestion to do some Christmas shopping with her on Sunday morning.
"Already?"
"You know how it is when there's a big crowd", Elsa says and Emma tells her that she'll come, keeping the fact that she doesn't have anybody to buy presents for to herself.
It starts raining when Emma is a few doors from Killian's shop, but she doesn't duck in to borrow an umbrella, ending up completely drenched by the time she reaches her building.
She's unlocking her door when her hand encounters an envelope sticking out next to the doorknob, her brow furrowing because she gets all her bills via e-mail and nobody had ever sent her a letter before.
Emma wipes her damp hands on her thighs and opens the door, holding the envelope so it doesn't fall, and when she slides her fingertips over it, she encounters the raised bumps of Braille that spell just one word.
Her name.
There is no doubt in Emma's mind that the letter must be from Killian and she carries it to the living room, putting it down on the coffee table while she gets out of her wet clothes and takes a quick shower, then lets the anticipation build further as she makes herself tea.
Just the fact that Killian had gone to so much trouble to write her a letter that she can actually read is enough to show her how serious he is about her, but only when she opens the envelope and takes out both the letter and a slightly squished flower bud which she identifies as a lily by its scent does she realize that Killian is much more than a simple florist.
He is also something of a poet, his words flowing around her like a gentle river, alleviating the fear that she's going to end up let down and heartbroken unbearably easily.
Killian tells her that he had been alone for a long time.
He promises her that he had learned his lesson and that he will never go back to the life of crime he used to lead.
He admits that being with her makes him feel alive and perfectly content for the first time in years.
He hopes that she will forgive him for the things he had kept from her and assures her that it was not because he wanted to pull the proverbial wool over her eyes; he was just afraid that she would run away before they could even begin getting to know each other better.
Emma reads the letter one more time, smiling to herself because she still doesn't have a lot of cold, hard facts about Killian Jones and his life before he had moved to the States, but she knows the most important thing; he is a man of honor, and even though nobody can say what tomorrow will bring, she is finally convinced that she can trust him.
She can take a leap of faith and be rest assured that he will do everything in his power to catch her, and that is more than most people can count on when embarking on an emotional journey.
Still, she is still afraid, still so nervous when she finds Killian's name in her phone book and dials his number, her fingers smoothing over the letter and feeling the bumps while she waits for him to pick up.
"Swan", Killian says, his voice low and silky in her ear, a pleasant chill rushing down her spine because nobody had ever said her name the way he does.
As if she's precious, somebody who matters more than anybody or anything else.
"I read your letter", she tells him and brushes her hair behind her ear, trying to picture his face, dark hair and cornflower blue eyes and scruff that would make a sound if she ran her fingers along his jaw.
"I wasn't sure if you would."
"Where did you print it out?" She asks, deliberately avoiding to talk about the contents of the letter.
"Your friend Elsa took pity on me and helped me out", Killian says and Emma shakes her head, remembering Elsa's comment about hope earlier today and deciding to buy her something nice for Christmas.
"Lucky me."
"No, Swan, lucky me", Killian tells her and she closes her eyes wishing he were here so that she can have his hand enveloping hers again.
"If you say so", Emma says, wondering at the breathy quality of her voice and lying down on the couch hugging the throw pillow to her chest.
"I know so", he tells her and plunges on before she can say anything else. "Which is why I would like to show you my hothouses tomorrow."
"Killian-"
"Before you remind me again that you don't like cars, I'm going to tell you that there's a train that will let us off near my house, and all we need to do is walk across a field to reach it", Killian tells her and her stomach squeezes because even though she's tempted, she's also scared.
"I don't know."
"I'd come pick you up in the morning and escort you home in the afternoon", he says, and the temptation grows, her grip on her phone tightening.
"Come on, love. Take a leap of faith", he coaxes and Emma has a sudden vision of the two of them digging around in the dirt standing side by side juxtapositioned against the image of her sitting alone in her apartment folding laundry.
"Alright", she says and listens to his plans, his enthusiasm warming her up deep inside where there was nothing but a dark hole since Neal's betrayal.
Killian knocks on Emma's door and fidgets until she answers it, still half-expecting her to have changed her mind, but she seems eager to come, already wearing her coat and holding her folded up cane in her hand.
"Elsa knows where I'm going and if I don't text her every hour she's going to send the cops after you", Emma says and Killian chuckles because the very idea of harming her is as alien to him as walking on the moon.
"I will make sure you stick to that schedule", Killian tells her and waits until she locks her door, then bumps her hand with his, acutely aware of the slide of her fingers up his arm until they reach his elbow and wrap around it.
They exit her building glued to each other and Killian leads the way to the subway station, their tickets already at the ready.
"I haven't taken the subway in a decade", Emma tells him, her grip tightening with apprehension and he wonders briefly if she just walks everywhere she goes, but he doesn't have time to dwell on it as he tries to figure out how to get her through the barrier in the easiest and gentlest way possible.
"I'll go first, and as soon as you hear a beep that signalizes that I've checked your card you reach out your hand and I'll pull you through", Killian says and Emma bites her lip, then takes a deep breath as if to steel herself and abruptly lets go of his arm.
The machine beeps and Killian goes through, giving Emma a reassuring smile and telling her to get ready; he slips the card between the fingers of his fake hand and grasps Emma's reaching fingers with his real ones, pulling her forward quickly when the barrier slides aside.
She stumbles and they end up pressed together, chest to chest and breaths mingling, his bad arm wrapped around her waist because he didn't have time to check himself and reacted on instinct.
"Sorry", she mumbles and he has to make a conscious effort to release her, perfectly aware of the way her heart slams against his ribs like a trapped bird.
"It's alright, Swan. Just… if at any time you wish me to take you home, don't be afraid to say so", he tells her and she nods, then takes his arm and boldly lifts her chin.
"Let's get a move on before we miss our train."
The ride to the train station is short and they pass through the barrier with much more grace this time, but Emma looks panicky every time her hand isn't touching his arm.
"It must be frightening", he muses, then feels like an insensitive jerk for saying the words out loud as they ascend the stairs leading to the platform where their train is already waiting.
"Being blind?"
"Going down the unfamiliar path", Killian clarifies and watches her face as she contemplates her answer.
"It is, but at the same time I feel freer than I have in a while", Emma says, then grips his arm tightly and forbids him from going anywhere without her.
"I wouldn't dream of it" he reassures her with a chuckle and describes the steep steps into the train, leading her hand to the rail that she uses to pull herself up.
It's easy to find an empty compartment and Emma sits before Killian hangs their coats and joins her, relaxing into his seat and fighting the urge to ask her if she's okay.
"How long is the ride?"
"A little less than an hour", he tells her and decides that this is the best time to tell her how they get off. "My house is right between the last two stations, so we're going to have to jump off when the train slows down."
"What?!" Emma squeaks, half-standing from her seat before he apologizes profusely and takes her hand, telling her that it sounds crazy but it's really not.
"The train slows down to a crawl because of the curve up ahead, and both the engine-man and the conductor are well aware of me doing it", Killian reassures her and her grip on his fingers eases a little. "It's perfectly safe."
"If you say so."
"We can still get off here and do something in the city."
"I trust you, Killian."
He wants to kiss her so badly he can practically taste her already, the fruity smell of her hair filling his nose and making it even harder to keep his urges under control.
"Sometimes I think that you're not even aware of the fact that I'm blind", Emma says wistfully and Killian arches his eyebrow, asking her if that's a bad thing. "It's really not because you still have everything figured out in advance."
"I'm good at finding a way around things", he blurts before he can stop himself and Emma looks confused, but he's saved from explaining when a shrill whistle sounds from outside the train and they lurch into motion.
Emma squeezes Killian's hand and he caresses her knuckles until she relaxes and stops gripping the opposite armrest, the train picking up speed and gently rocking on the tracks as they make their way out of the city.
"Since you expect me to jump off a moving train with you later, I think it's time you answered a few of my questions", Emma says and entwines their fingers, his heart aching because her hand fits so well in his and because he still hasn't figured out a way to tell her that it's the only one he has.
"What do you want to know?"
"How long since you left England?"
"About seven years", Killian says even though he knows how long it's been almost to the day.
"What about your parents and siblings?"
"I don't have either", he says and Emma looks startled, her mouth turning down at the corners.
"Me neither. I might have siblings, though. I never met my parents, so I can't know for sure", she tells him, then bites her lip as if she's afraid she'd said too much.
"My father left my mother when I was still young, and she died when I was fifteen. I had a brother, but…", he trails off, but finds it impossible to go on, his chest suddenly feeling too tight.
"What was his name?" Emma asks him softly, her free hand coming to rest on his forearm, her thumb caressing the exposed skin at the edge of his sweater.
"Liam."
She repeats the name but doesn't say she's sorry, and it's somehow comforting that she understands pain as well as he does.
"We're both all alone", she says wistfully, and he realizes that he'd known all along that she must be an orphan too.
She's got the same look in her eyes that he sees in the mirror every time he dares looking at it.
The one you get when you've been left alone.
After that, Emma keeps the conversation light until it's time for them to get their coats on again, but Killian feels closer to her than he ever did to Milah, and he would be lying if he said it didn't frighten the living daylights out of him.
He realizes then that Emma isn't the only one who's going to have to take a leap of faith before the day is through.
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