Thank you so much for going on this journey with me, and I hope you'll enjoy this chapter; there's angst, but cuteness too. On with the story!
Emma wishes Killian had waited to tell her the truth until Friday because even though his deceit would go on longer, she would have two more days of memories and the weekend to try and get over him.
The worst thing is, she is fairly sure she'd forgive him if he would just text her or leave her voice messages trying to apologize, but her phone remains stubbornly quiet and her face keeps crumpling because she misses his arms and his kisses and the sweet nothings he whispers in her ear when she's upset.
She's upset now and he's nowhere to be found.
Last time Emma had had her heart broken she had other things to focus on, like the fact that she was going to spend the rest of her life in the dark, and even though Neal's betrayal had hurt, she had managed to convince herself that she was better off without him anyway.
This time she doesn't have that luxury because even a blind man would see how much better her life became with Killian at her side; he challenged her and encouraged her to step out of the same three blocks she'd been circling for the past few years, and as a result she'd ridden in subways and trains and even in a car, finally facing her fears.
The possibility that it's all over makes her chest feel too tight.
Sometimes when she's in a new and unfamiliar space Emma feels like she's adrift at sea, lost in the endless blue without a harbor in sight, but she had never experienced that sensation while sitting on her couch until now.
She wants Killian's hand to hold and she doesn't care if it's his real or fake one.
When her alarm clock wakes her in the morning Emma's eyes feel puffy and she can only guess how red they must look, but there is finally a text from Killian and she listens to it eagerly even though she vows that she won't be forgiving him easily.
"I am so sorry, love. I was selfish and I acted like a coward, but I never intended to hurt you. P.S. I left you a bouquet on the doormat, but I will understand if you step on it and throw it in the trash", the monotone voice reads the text but Emma hears Killian's accent shape words in her head and it's quite a task trying to hold onto her anger.
She doesn't text back but she takes the flowers in her arms and inhales the pleasant fragrance, recognizing zinnias and wondering which color did he pick, but then quickly coming to the conclusion that it doesn't really matter.
He was here last night and he hadn't given up on her despite the things she had yelled at him yesterday, and it makes her feel slightly better.
Still, she goes to work the long way around so she doesn't have to pass by his shop because she's nowhere near ready to talk to him, much less to forgive him.
"You're late", Elsa announces as soon as Emma comes in and adds in a teasing voice, "because Killian kept you up last night?"
"He did, but not the way you think", Emma tells her with a sigh and drops in her chair, busying herself with turning on her computer and arranging her things on the desk.
"You sound tired."
"It's all messed up and I didn't sleep well."
"Did you break up with him?" Elsa asks and Emma's heart squeezes in her chest because she guesses she did, but she's not ready to admit it.
"Why do you think I would be the one breaking up with him?" Emma huffs and types in her username and password with a little too much force. "He could've been the one to break up with me."
"He is smitten with you. I could hear it in his voice when he came to ask for my help with your letter", Elsa says gently and Emma feels annoyed that her friend seems to be taking his side. "What did he do?"
"He lied to me."
"About?"
"What does it matter? I don't need romance and lovey-dovey stuff if he can't be honest with me."
"I doubt he's got a girl on the side and he had already told you about his past, so I can't imagine what could be so bad that you would break up with him over it", Elsa says and Emma realizes that the reason why she doesn't want to tell Elsa what Killian's transgression was is that she's afraid Elsa is going to rationalize it and make Emma look silly for overreacting.
"He's got just one hand", Emma finally whispers and braces herself for Elsa's reaction.
"What? Where's the other one?"
"I don't know how he lost it; I just know that he'd made damn sure I wouldn't find out. He made a fool of me and it feels awful."
"How did you figure it out, then? I can't believe it took you so long."
"I didn't."
"You didn't what?"
"I didn't figure it out. Dumb little blind girl didn't realize that her boyfriend's left hand was fake. God I'm such an idiot."
"So he told you?" Elsa asks and Emma doesn't like how this conversation is progressing at all.
"Yeah, he did, after a month of knowing me and a week of dating me. Don't you think it's a little too late?" Emma shoots back and Elsa takes forever to answer. "Who knows what else he's hiding."
"What if you could've fooled him into thinking you could see? Wouldn't you take the opportunity?"
"I knew you would be on his side."
"I'm not on his side. I want you to be happy, and he made you happy", Elsa says wistfully and as if to prove her point, Emma's phone signals another text form Killian.
"It wasn't real."
"Because you didn't have all the facts? I doubt you told him all your secrets either", Elsa says and leaves the office to give Emma some privacy with her phone, leaving her wondering if she had overreacted.
She decides that she hadn't and doesn't listen to Killian's text.
Emma doesn't pass by Killian's shop on her way to work and Killian feels equal amounts guilty and uneasy, his mind torturing him with images of Emma walking into oncoming traffic even though he knows her hearing is too sharp for that and her sense of orientation is better than his own.
He texts her a few more times and calls during her lunch break when she doesn't even open his texts, but the call goes to voicemail and he gets progressively more worried as the time passes.
When he goes by her apartment to leave her a bouquet of hyacinths, he discovers that she had taken in the zinnias, and knocking on her door proves that she'd gone to work because while she might not answer the door knowing it's most likely Killian on the other side, the perfect silence of an empty apartment can't be faked.
That hit-by-a-car scenario is starting to look less and less farfetched and at 3:30 Killian can't take it anymore, so he closes the shop and waits in front of the Hall, telling himself that he won't even talk to her, that he will walk away as soon as he makes sure that she's alright.
By the time she comes out of the building a couple of minutes past 4:15, Killian had already worked himself into a full blown panic and he can't stop himself from saying her name, the two syllables coming out sounding raw and broken.
To his surprise, Emma walks across the few feet separating them and throws her arms around him, clinging to him wordlessly and shaking like a leaf, her breathing ragged even though - as far as he can tell with her face pressed against his shoulder - she's not crying.
"Swan, what happened?" He asks because he doesn't doubt that she's still mad at him and that this doesn't mean he's been forgiven.
"My mom called me", she mumbles and burrows closer against him.
"Your foster mom?"
"No, my real mom", she says and his eyes widen, his fingers slowly combing through her hair.
"You don't have to see her if you don't want to, love", he murmurs and for some reason that comment makes Emma go from dry eyes to sobbing. "Shhh, it's alright."
"She didn't give me up for adoption", Emma hiccups, her words jumbling together, and Killian is at a complete loss as to what he should do.
"Shhh, calm down, sweetheart. It will be alright, I promise you", he murmurs and kisses the top of her head, brushing her tears away when she pulls away a little, her arms still wrapped around his waist. "Would you like me to walk you home so you can tell me the whole story?"
The world seems to be holding its breath while Emma tries to decide what to do, and Killian would thank her mother's timing if it wasn't for the fact that her reappearance had clearly brought Emma more heartache.
"Okay. But I'm still mad at you", she says and hugs him once more, her ribcage expanding when she breathes in deeply, and he wonders if she's just trying to keep her tears at bay or inhale his scent because she had missed him as much as he had missed her.
"I know, lass", he tells her and deliberately presses his fake hand against the small of her back, refusing to hide from her anymore.
They walk past Killian's store without touching aside from their fingers occasionally brushing together, and he keeps glancing at her face, wishing he could wipe away the traces of sadness that he had undoubtedly grooved into the shadows beneath her eyes which her mother only deepened today.
Once they reach Emma's door he bends to pick up the bouquet and Emma tilts her head to the side as she inhales, reaching out her hand wordlessly and caressing the pretty colorful blooms with a sad half-smile pulling at her lips without reaching her eyes.
"What happens when you run out of flowers to give me?" She asks and he only wishes he would get the opportunity to run out of them because it would mean they have been together for a long, long time.
"I'll start over in a different order", he assures her and his answer seems to satisfy her because for the first time since they've met, he's admitted into her apartment.
"Would you like some tea?"
"You don't have to trouble yourself with-"
"Killian", Emma says sharply and snatches the flowers from his hand. "I'm making you tea."
"Alright", he concedes and takes off his jacket, hanging it on a hook in the hallway and following Emma into her kitchen.
Emma puts the flowers in a vase first, then turns on the electric kettle and drops her bag on a chair before draping her coat over it, her hands smoothing it over before she tells Killian that he can wait for her in the living room.
He feels out of place in this barely-used kitchen so he obeys, sitting on the further side of the couch and thinking idly how his business is going to go under soon if he keeps closing the shop in the middle of the day.
Five minutes later Emma carries in a tray with two mugs of tea and a bowl of sugar, and his hand hovers in the air as she lowers it onto the coffee table in case she fumbles it, but she's confident and not a drop gets spilled.
"Two sugars, right?" She asks and he frowns because he can't recall ever telling her that.
"Yes."
They sip their tea quietly because he's waiting for her to be ready, but she seems to pull further into herself the longer nobody speaks, so Killian realizes it's up to him to break the silence.
"Are you going to meet your mother?"
"I don't think so", Emma says without a moment's contemplation and sets her mug down with a resonating clink.
"Because it took her so long to contact you?"
"She'd been searching for me all this time", Emma says slowly as if she still can't wrap her mind around that fact.
"What do you mean?"
"Her stepmother took me from her and by the time my mother recovered I was lost in the system", Emma says and Killian doesn't hesitate in taking her hand in his, prepared to deal with her rejection if it comes.
Emma squeezes his fingers and sighs as if the weight of the entire world is resting on her shoulders.
"She never gave up hope that she would find me."
"In a way, you're still her baby. Of course she couldn't stop searching for you", Killian tells her and Emma nods, but she still looks utterly miserable. "You really don't want to meet her?"
"I want it more than anything."
"But?" Killian prompts gently and Emma lifts her face in his direction, her chin trembling when she speaks.
"I didn't tell her I was blind", she says and collapses forward, her head nestling into the crook of his neck and her arm wrapping around his waist.
He feels a stab right through his heart because the two of them are more alike than he had ever imagined.
"She is going to be so disappointed."
"Love, no. She's going to be a little sad but you could never be a disappointment to your mother", Killian tells her softly and refrains from comparing their lies.
"I can't have her walk away too, Killian. I'm not strong enough to take it", she whispers and he wraps both arms around her and drags her on his lap.
"She won't leave, Emma, not after searching for you for so long."
"I thought the same about Neal, about the guy who said he loved me right before he wrapped us around a tree, but when I woke up in the hospital alone and afraid, waiting for him to come, he never did. He never even called or wrote a freaking letter, but the message was loud and clear."
Killian doesn't know what to say to that because he can't imagine abandoning Emma no matter the circumstances, so he just holds her, rubbing her back and telling her that she doesn't have to decide anything right now.
There's no doubt that the woman who had waited for twenty-eight years to see her daughter is going to be able to wait a while more.
Review?