Thank you for all your reviews, and I hope you enjoy a little more angst; there are just one more chapter and the epilogue left before the happy ending.
It's been two weeks since Emma had moved in with Killian and aside from the fact that Killian keeps forgetting not to move things around (general things like the remote control, never those belonging to Emma), living with somebody is easier than he had expected it would be after a lifetime of being alone. They divide house chores evenly, but more than once he ends up helping her because he honestly doesn't mind as long as they spend time together, and in return she assists him with some of the trickier bouquets.
Daisy is ecstatic with the new development and Emma's parents are too, moving into her apartment on the same weekend she takes the rest of her things to Killian's house.
"Killian, phone!" Emma yells from the living room and he shakes his head, wiping his hand on a dish rag before he jogs to the living room to find Emma scratching Daisy under her chin with a serene look on her face; he complains half-heartedly that this is her home too and therefore she doesn't have to let him answer every call. "But mostly it's for you."
"This time it's not", Killian tells her after he picks up and taps her shoulder with the phone, wondering what had gotten Elsa so excited.
"Hello?"
Emma listens to her friend for a moment, a frown wrinkling her forehead, and Killian doesn't go back to washing dishes, sitting down on the couch next to Emma instead and laying his hand on her knee.
"Are you okay? Did something happen?" Emma asks and leans her shoulder against Killian's, gently pushing Daisy away to stop her from trying to lick her face.
Killian watches Emma steadily, his thumb rubbing a pattern into her jeans as he waits for her to finish the call.
"See you soon, then", Emma says and sets the phone on the coffee table, then slides her fingers between Killian's and turns her head to face him. "Will and Elsa are on their way here."
"I hope they are bringing a housewarming present", Killian jokes but Emma doesn't seem too enthusiastic about the unexpected visit, which surprises him because she never misses a chance to spend time with Elsa even though they are together every day at work.
Half an hour later Will and Elsa are settled on the couch in the living room and Emma closes Daisy in the bedroom to stop Elsa's sneezing fit; Killian is about to go make coffee and tea when Elsa announces that she'll take tea like Will and Killian had never before seen his friend grin like this; he's practically bouncing in his seat, looking like an overgrown four-year old.
"You seem frighteningly jittery, mate. What's got you so excited?" Killian asks and glances Emma's way to find her sitting quietly in her favorite armchair, her face too pal, her smile somehow off.
"Elsa is having a baby!" Will exclaims and quickly hastens to add that they are having a baby.
"We wanted you to be the first to know because we're going to elope and I want Emma to be my maid of honor."
"And if you'd consider being my best man, I'd appreciate it", Will tells Killian, but he's too busy watching Emma sway in her seat, looking like she might faint, her eyes wide and focused in Elsa's general direction.
"Of course I'll be your best man", Killian says and claps Will on the back, trying to figure out what's gotten into Emma because Elsa looks stricken, an uncertain smile hovering on her lips.
"Emma? It's okay if you don't want to be my maid of honor", Elsa says, her voice piercing the room and quieting Will's exuberance.
"I was just a little surprised; of course I'll be your maid of honor", Emma says, but the slight upward tilt of her lips does nothing to reassure Killian, and it finally hits him why is Emma so devastated.
Elsa is going to have a baby and Emma had given up hers before it was even born.
"Swan", Killian murmurs but Emma shakes her head, wordlessly telling him to stay away and let her deal with this on her own, so Killian doesn't go to her, watching her make her way to the couch, her hands finding Elsa's shoulders and pulling her up into a tight embrace.
"You're my best friend", Emma whispers and Elsa returns the hug, squeezing her tightly and rocking her from side to side, hopefully understanding that Emma's weird behavior isn't personal. "Congratulations."
"Let's have a drink. In the kitchen", Killian says and leads Will away to give Emma and Elsa some privacy, casting one last look at his Swan as she holds Elsa close, her eyes closed and her lips pressed together against the pain.
"What was that all about?" Will asks as Killian pours him a shot of rum, then distracts him with a toast because he doesn't have any intention to share Emma's devastating secret with anybody without talking to her about it first.
He hopes Emma is telling Elsa everything, though, and pours Will another shot, letting him talk about their plans to his heart's content, but he's unable to stop himself from imagining what his and Emma's child would look like.
It's a while later that Emma and Elsa join them again and Killian now knows more about the woes of fathers-to-be than he had ever expected to learn from Will, and he gladly focuses his attention on Emma, handing her a shot of rum she downs without asking what it is, then leans against the kitchen island next to him and wraps her fingers against his arm, her face pressing against his shoulder.
"You alright, love?" Killian murmurs against the top of her head and she shrugs, wordlessly holding out her glass for more rum.
It's painfully clear that she's not at all alright.
Killian knows that alcohol is going to make her feel even worse later, but after she nudges his hand impatiently, he grits his teeth and pours her another round.
Emma is tipsy by the time Will and Elsa leave, and Killian trails after her when she staggers toward their bedroom to let Daisy out because he's afraid she's going to run into a wall or the doorway in her present inebriated state.
"Why are you following me?" She snaps at him as she searches for the knob on the wrong side of the door and Killian opens it for her, telling her that he's just looking out for her.
The words are barely out of his mouth before he realizes his mistake and Emma whirls on him, stabbing the air with her finger and telling him to stop.
"I was fine on my own before you showed up and I don't appreciate you treating me like an invalid", she says and gets into the room, slamming the door in his face, leaving him standing in the hallway with his mouth open and his hand in the air where he had planned to reach for her.
He hears her murmuring something to Daisy and decides that it would be the best if he made himself scarce, so he goes back to the kitchen to finally finish washing the dishes; once that's sorted he retreats to the garden and just walks aimlessly around before he remembers that he still hadn't given Emma a flower today, which prompts him to choose one and return to the house just as the sky starts darkening.
"Killian?" Emma asks as soon as he opens the door and he greets her wearily, the bouquet of peonies he'd picked getting squished between them when she throws her arms around his waist and buries her face against his chest. "I thought you'd left me."
"Swan, no. I was just out in the garden."
"I'm so sorry", she apologizes, her voice muffled and her arms squeezing him tighter. "I ruined the flowers."
"You didn't ruin anything, lass", he tells her and carefully brushes her hair behind her shoulder with his fake hand because his real one is still trapped between them.
"I don't want kids", Emma says quickly and pulls away, turning her back on him before he recovers sufficiently enough to speak. "I should've told you that right away but I never knew how because I wanted more time with you."
"I don't understand."
"I can't be a mother. I just can't."
"Wait, wait, Swan", he says when she starts walking away, the flowers landing on the couch so that he can catch her arm and halt her progress. "Where are you going?"
"I heard you with Will and Elsa. You want to be a father someday, and that means I'm just wasting your time", Emma says and he is too stunned to find the right words, but he doesn't let her pull away.
"Emma, please."
"Let me go, Killian. I won't change my mind."
"Nobody's asking you to change your mind!" Killian exclaims, his stomach clenching because Emma looks so listless, her gaze locked somewhere around his shoulder and her face too pale aside from two spots of red high on her cheeks.
He realizes in that moment that he loves her too much to be apart from her even if they never have children.
"So suddenly you don't want kids?" Emma asks him, and she sounds so calm, so resigned that he wants to shake her a little to make her see reason.
"I want you, Swan. I want a life with you, and that's what I have", he tells her and her eyes widen with surprise, her hands rising to cup his cheeks.
"Even if you have to give up fatherhood?" She asks him softly, her voice a mere whisper and her fingers gently smoothing over his cheeks as if she's trying to see him one last time.
"Rather than giving you up? Of course", he tells her because he can't imagine a life without her anymore, and it's easier to give up an idea of something than the person you love most in this world.
"I would love to have babies with you someday, but I would never force you into something you don't want."
"I'm just not fit to be a mother", Emma says and there's so much pain written on her face that he doesn't care about anything but putting a smile on it again.
"I think you would be a wonderful mother, love, and you would have all the support you'd need from me and your parents", he tells her and pulls her closer with his bad arm before he lifts her chin with his fingers.
"But I would never see my child. I wouldn't be able to protect them and help them with homework and God knows how many other things. I would miss out on so much, and what's worse, they would too", Emma says, her sad eyes meeting his and making him feel so hopeless because he knows that in a way, she's right.
"I don't think our child would feel like they were missing something because you can't see, or because I only have one hand as long as we loved them, and I have no doubt that we would be pretty successful in doing that", Killian says and Emma blinks fast, looking like she might cry, so he pulls her in for a hug and tells her that they can start raising puppies first and see how that goes.
"I'm not going to change my mind", Emma sighs, ignoring his joke and lifting her eyes in an attempt to meet his, his knuckles wiping away the tears that roll down her smooth cheek.
"I won't love you any less if you don't", Killian says and loosens his embrace a little because he doesn't want to hold her back if she decides to put some distance between them.
Emma doesn't run this time, the corner of her mouth lifting in a half-smile as she traces her thumb over his scruff, then stands on tiptoes and kisses him.
She doesn't tell him she loves him too, but he can taste it in her kiss, read it on her lips even though they don't utter a word.
Killian pushes the image of an adorable blonde girl with pigtails into the back of his mind and focuses all his attention on kissing Emma before he picks her up and carries her to their room, spending the rest of the evening spelling love over every inch of her flushed skin.
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