A/N: So I've been away for a while for tons of reasons but I'm not going to bore you all with that so I'm just going to say Hi and it's great to be back again.
Here's Chapter 8. I don't think a lot of you liked the last chapter so I hope this one will make up for it. *crossedfingers
Sorry for the errors here and there and thanks for all the good reviews.
I will not spoil anymore so enjoy reading and I hope you all like it :)
Disclaimer: I do not own anything.
"Oh my God!" Rachel cried out as she came for the third time. She then pulled me up for a kiss before we both snuggled on the couch.
We decided to meet up at our secret place right after she went out with Santana. She instantly grabbed me once I went inside her father's old office and crashed her lips with mine. That kiss meant different to me, like really. It's like I can feel everything that she's feeling at that time. She missed me, like the way I'm feeling right now. Good thing that I decided to went through the sites where the videos that I wanted can be found so I actually know a lot about girl's reproductive part and what to do with it. And yes, I admit, I did take care of myself, several times.
At first she was shocked when she realized what I'm about to do to her when I made her sit on the couch and kneeled between her legs. She was surprised actually when I do it all without hesitation at all. I just really want to return her everything that she did for me. To make her feel what she made me feel during our alone times together. And in the end, I'm pretty sure I did a great job at it. I noticed it all by the way she moaned, groaned and screamed earlier. I'm just thankful that no one can really hear her.
"I didn't know you can do that," she said, catching her breath as we snuggled on the couch after our intense sexual activities. "You said you don't know how to do any of that."
"Well, I've done a little research about it," I shrugged, feeling a little shy admitting it to her.
"Oh, really?" she asked, amused. "When?"
"Earlier, before I came here to meet you." I admitted shyly, feeling my face heated a bit.
"Oh." She grinned. "How was your research then? Is it fun?" she asked, teasing me a little.
"Well, at first I'm a bit scared because someone may catch me but then I felt a bit turned on while watching it." I tore my eyes away as I told everything.
"A little?" she asked.
"Okay, it wasn't just a little." I blurted out. "It's intense but educating at the same time."
"What did you do after?"
"What?" I asked, confused.
"Did you jerk off? Take care of yourself?"
"Um, yeah." I mumbled. My cheeks started to really heat up and I can't help but glance at her to see her expression.
"How many times?" she sat up.
"Um, uh, f-four." I bit my lip. God, why am I so embarrassed? We did a lot of things already. How come I feel like this is the most shameful thing that I've ever done?
"Four?" her eyes widened. "Wow, that's – that's plenty enough for just watching porn."
I shrugged shyly. "I can't help it when I'm thinking about you" I blurted out. Okay, don't really need her to hear that.
"You're thinking of me when you jerked off?" she asked, quite amused again. "Were you imagining yourself licking me like the ones on the videos you've seen, Finn?"
I blinked for a few times then nodded, surprised that her voice started to be husky and full of lust in a just seconds. Damn, this girl is so sexy, I can combust anytime just by hearing her saying those words.
"Were you thinking of me when you jerked off?"
I nodded again. It's definitely getting hot in here again. I licked my lips uncontrollably and slowly sat up when her hand travels from knee up to my inner thigh. She crawled up to me until her face is only inches from mine. She stared at my lips as she licked her lips and I can't help but to do the same thing once again. My pants are starting to form a tent and grow tight. Her hand finally reaches my crotch and started to rub me oh so slowly.
"I'm going to return the pleasure now, Finn, and we're going to do longer this time. Are you ready?" she whispered. Her hands started to unbuckled my belt and opened my fly until it was discarded and thrown to the floor. All I can do is stared at her and gasped when she closed her fist on me and started pumping up and down.
"You didn't answer me, Finn. I said are you ready?"
"Y-yeah," I croaked. "Yeah."
She grinned then closed the distance between us and kissed me softly and slowly. She took her time kissing me and pumping me. It was a torture to be honest because it's the first time she did this. But the fact that it was so arousing and intimate makes me want to think again that she's feeling the same way for me the way I feel about her. The feeling is so, so great and I can't help but to close my eyes when she tore her lips away from me and sink down to capture my manhood in her mouth.
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We lay out once again on the couch after Rachel giving me 4 great orgasms that she insisted on giving to beat me from what I did to her earlier. I never thought that she was so competitive but I love that about her. Well, I love everything about her so I think you probably get the point now.
"Finn?" she said, playing with the hair on my arms as she laid her head on my chest. It's her favorite thing to do whenever we're just laying around and just having a good comfortable silence while we, or maybe just me, tries to remember this kind of times with her. I glanced down at her when I heard her say my name and I found her eyes already staring at me.
"What is it?" I asked, smiling.
"I'm sorry," she smiled sadly.
I frowned. "What for?" I asked.
"Just know that I'm really sorry, okay?" she said.
"Okay," I said slowly. But then it hit me. That maybe she's talking about what happened between us last night, which she's sorry about what happened.
"Rach, if this is about last night then I – "
"I don't wanna talk about it anymore, Finn," she cuts me. "I just – just know that I'm sorry, okay?"
I looked at her and nodded. "Okay."
But now that she brought it up now, I can't help but think about it again. And I just want to ask things to her but I know that she may not answer them or even agreed to talk about it. Still, I can't shake out the feeling that maybe I can make her talk about it. She looks like she's in a good mood and maybe I can just ask her this one time.
"Rach?" I asked cautiously.
"Yeah?" she looks up on me.
"Can I ask you a question?" I asked slowly, hoping that she would agree.
She seems to realize what I'm about to ask because she sighed and sat up then starts playing with the hem of her short navy blue skirt. "I don't know, Finn. I don't want to make this day for us to end in such a bad way, again."
"Just one question," I insisted. "After that, I promise to not talk to you about it ever again."
I heard her sighed once again and then she looked at me as if deciding whether she would let me or not. Finally she nodded and I sat up, clasping her hands with mine.
"I know that it will take you longer to start dating again, but if you do and we're still close to each other, do you think I have a chance with you when I ask you out at that time?"
Her eyebrows rose up and she looked at me as she thought about what I just asked her. I know it's kind of desperate of me but if you're feeling the same way I'm feeling about someone, you'll understand it. I want to be with her even if I really have to wait.
"Of course," she finally answered. "But you won't have to ask me out on a date, Finn because if I ever start dating again and we both are still like this, I will wanna make you my boyfriend instantly." She smiled but then it falters after a few seconds, like she thought of something bad.
"What is it?" Is there something wrong with what she said? Is there a coming 'but' after that?
"You know that I'm not going to wanna make you wait that long right?"
"Why not? I can wait for you, Rachel. If that would make me yours then I would wait even if it takes me forever."
"Finn," she licked her lips. "You have to understand that I have my own personal reasons why I'm not committing myself to anyone right now and it's going to take me some time to finally let myself be in a relationship. But I can't make you wait and expect that someday we will be a couple because I can't let us be a couple. I just can't let that happen, Finn." She looked down on her lap.
"But why?" I asked, feeling a bit hurt already. I can't understand why she can't. Is there something wrong with me? Am I really not her type at all?
She looks up. "Because you're not really the type of guy I would really want to be in a relationship with."
I heard a crash and I realized it's just my heart breaking into pieces. Did I really hear that right? She just said that I'm not the boyfriend-type for her. I think I just went dead. Seriously, I feel like I can move.
"You don't have feelings for me?" I whispered but I know she heard it.
"I can never have feelings for you, Finn. Even if I wanted to, I just really can't."
I closed my eyes as her words stab deeper in my heart. Maybe I'm a masochist after all, because I've been hurt by one Ms. Rachel Berry and I'm still here waiting for more to come.
"So you never really wanted me to be your boyfriend in the first place?" I opened my eyes and look at her, noticing that my eyes started to mist.
"Finn, I'm sorry. I never thought that something like this would happen between us. I never planned to any of this to happen."
"Yeah, I know that." I chuckled sadly. "I just thought that maybe you would eventually realize that you have feelings for me, too."
I stood up and sighed. I need to get out of here right now. I don't want to do this anymore. I can't do this anymore knowing that all of this will lead to nowhere at all. Rachel doesn't want me and I need to drill that to my head.
"Finn, I'm sorry." She said again. Now I'm starting to really that phrase. Because every time I heard it, it made me feel like shit.
"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry too. But I – I can't do this anymore, Rach. I thought that I could but I guess I can't," I laugh even though there's nothing funny. Yeah, I've gone crazy because of her.
"Finn, I – "
"Take care of yourself, and whatever that's been holding you back from finding someone you love, I hope it works out for you, because you're easy to love, Rachel. You don't have to push everyone away from you." I turned around.
"Where are you going?" she asked when I started to leave.
"I just really need to be away from you starting right now. I'm sorry." And with that I left her dad's old office.
I feel numb as I walk out of the abandoned building also known as our secret place. I'm actually forcing myself right now just to make myself be on my truck. I need to cry or maybe even drink right now. Yeah, I should drink. They say that it helps with this kind of problems so maybe I should try it.
I pull out my phone from my pocket and called my best friend's number.
"Hey Chris! What's up?" she answered.
"Can we meet? I just need someone to talk to right now." I said.
"Okay, I'm at my house. Is everything okay?" she asked, her voice lacing with concern.
"I'll tell you later." I hang up and climbed inside my truck, starting the engine immediately so I can leave this place that just made me felt depress for being in love for the first time.
I arrived few minutes later at Quinn's house. Her mom opened the front door and we did a little chat before I finally went upstairs to Quinn's bedroom. She was on her bed, waiting for me, and holding a plate of sandwich.
"My favorite?" I asked her. She just smiled and nodded and I can't help but to return the gesture. She always prepare peanut butter and jelly sandwich whenever I'm not okay or something. It's my thing since I was a kid and she never stops doing it.
She tapped the space beside her as she put the plate on her nightstand. I came closer and sat, already grabbing the sandwich to take my first bite.
"It didn't work out?" she asked. I stopped from chewing before nodding and then went back to eating once again.
How come this sandwich doesn't have the same effect to me as before? It used to make me feel better even just for a first bite and now, I'm almost done with the first half but still I'm not feeling any better.
"Wanna tell me what happened?" and so I did. I told her everything from the moment Rachel apologized to me earlier until I walked out of that building alone and feeling heartbroken.
"Wow," she muttered.
"You can start with your gloating now," I chuckled sadly. "Tell me that you told me so or something so that I can actually think that it's not a really big deal."
"But it is." She said softly, putting her hand on my back. "I'm sorry, Finn."
"Yeah, she said that too." I breathed out loudly, wanting to make the pain inside me leave my body entirely.
"It hurts so bad right now, Quinn," my voice broke. Damn, I'm starting to cry now. But it's okay though. It's not like it's the first Quinn had seen me like this before.
"Hey," she rubs my back. "It's okay. Just let it out okay? I'm here."
And I don't know what made me do it. Maybe because she said it or maybe because I can't contain it any much longer, but I finally started crying.
I remember crying so hard like this when I was a kid, when I found out my dad just died. I was only 7 back then and I was playing the drums that he bought and installed for me when my mom received a phone call. I stopped banging the drums when I heard my mom sniffed. I stood up from my chair and ran to her, asking her what's wrong and then she told me. I guess we were both shocked by the news that our cries are the only ones that can be heard around the house. It was painful to hear really. I'm not just crying just because I lost my dad. I'm crying because my mom lost her love, her husband, her equal partner in life.
I guess that feeling of pain is what I'm feeling right now. Yeah, I know it's a bit too much, crying over someone I knew would hurt me. But what will you do exactly when you're in my position. I never fell in love before. I never knew what it could bring me. There's no guideline or instructions or whatever. It's just that maybe loving someone really hurts this bad that you have nothing else to do when you're hurt but cry. Cry as if the pain will be gone when there are no more tears left to cry.
I did calm though. I don't know how long Quinn soothed me or how long I sobbed to her but I did stop. And you know the first thing I did? I laugh. Seriously. I'm sorry if this seems like it's crazy or whatever but I just find it amusing. Want to know why? It's because for the first time in my life, I cry over someone that I've fallen in love with. Isn't that just amusing?
Quinn laughs as well though. She didn't have to ask why because she already knows the reason. I'm laughing because I'm crying over the thing that I thought would be absurd before.
"So," she said when the laughter died down. "What now?"
"I don't know. I have no idea where to go from here." I shrugged and the feeling of hurt came back to me. I guess I need to get used to that feeling once again whenever I think about her now.
"Do you want my advice?" she asked.
"Of course."
"I think you should start seeing someone else now. Not to make her a rebound or something. I just, you know, I never saw you really ask someone out before so maybe you can start from that."
"How will I know that it is just not a rebound then? You know it's gonna be hard to date someone when I just got dumped by Rachel."
"Well, maybe you should start slow, then. Get to know each other more before getting serious and all that."
"I don't know if that's a good idea, Quinn." I sighed.
"I know. But take your time, Chris. You don't need to rush into things. I just really want you to be happy because a guy like you deserves it." she smiled softly before she leans her head on my shoulder, making our conversation end.
She has a point though, but I still don't think that it's a great idea. Maybe in few days it will be but for now, I just want to focus on everything but relationships. It's my first time after all and all I did received was a heartache and humiliation. I think I do deserve it though. I expected too much out of someone who I know since the beginning that she can't give me something that I want.
After a few more hours with Quinn, I decided I should go and see Mike and Sam too. I said hugged her goodbye, promising her that I will let her know what my plan will be then finally left her house.
I called Sam and Mike, telling them to meet me and they said yes instantly. I think they know that something's wrong just by hearing my voice. Oh well, at least I don't have to explain further about it.
We all meet up at Sam's house, went to his room and played Xbox once again. It took us two games of Call of Duty before I finally break the silence and spill the beans. They were actually surprised by the news, asking me what happened and why it happened. And then I told them what I told Quinn earlier. The Xbox were ignored after that and instead, Sam took beers from downstairs as they try to even make me feel a bit better. And they did actually. They made me forget about her while they try to remember our freshmen year.
Twelve empty bottles of beer later, I decided to go home and left the two while they sleep on the floor. I don't even know why I'm still awake. Maybe I have a high tolerance in alcohol or maybe alcohol is just on my side for today. I started to walk my way home then just to make sure that my mom and Burt won't find out that I drank.
I took out my phone from my pocket and realize that I have 3 messages, and all of them were from Rachel.
Hey.
Can we talk about this?
I don't want to end this. I can't. Please talk to me Finn.
I snorted and put my phone back to my pocket and continue to walk. I'm just going to ignore her just for the day. Maybe that will help me get over her sooner.
Few days passed and I still get a lot of texts from Rachel and all I did was ignore every single one because I can't talk to her still and also because Quinn advised me to just ignore them. She said it would help me somehow. It actually made me confuse because I don't know how can that help me from getting over her? Shouldn't I be like talk to her or something? Just so I can get a closure from her so I can go on with my life.
"Hey, Chris!" Quinn came up to me on the hallway while I was on my way to Biology.
"Hey, what's up?"
"Have you seen her yet?"
"No," I said, trying my best not to feel something about it because frankly, I kind of miss her. But our paths never crossed in school since we last saw each other.
"Oh," she said. "Hey, how's that girl from your Biology?" she asked, suddenly changing the topic.
"Which girl?" I frowned.
"Your experiment partner. What's her name again?"
I rolled my eyes. "Marley. Why are you asking about her?"
"Well, I think she likes you."
"What?" I asked, confused. "Are you crazy?"
"No, I'm serious, Chris. I caught her staring at you at the cafeteria the other day. And she looks very smitten." She grinned.
"You're crazy and always make stuff up. I'm going to class and you should too." I dismissed her as I finally arrived at my classroom.
"No, I'm not. See she's staring at you again." she look behind me and I follow her gaze and found Marley, already sitting at out assigned table, waving at me and I can't help but to smile in return.
"Told you she likes you." Quinn said. I turned to face her again and rolled my eyes, again, at her.
"Whatever." Ignoring her completely.
"Go and try to ask her out. I'll meet you after school to know what happened. See you." she said, already walking away before I can say anything back.
I walk my way where Marley is at and sat on next to her. She looks at me and smiled before saying, "Hey."
"Hi!" I greeted back. Marley's nice and all and sometimes I kind of thinking that Quinn is right with her assumptions about her liking me but I still can't expect that all of that is true. I'm usually not the type of guy who assumes something about a girl so I settle on ignoring everything Quinn says and somehow hoping that they are actually true. I mean just look at Marley. You can't help but like her.
"I saw your project last year in Science and I thought that it was so awesome." She said, turning on her side to face me. "I heard someone actually bought it."
"Yeah," I agreed. "I don't know who is it though but thanks to him, or maybe her, I earned a lot of money because of that." I shrugged.
"I love science, you know." She said, changing the subject. "It made me excited every time I found out that I have a Science class every year. Maybe that's the reason why I also love SciFi movies," she stopped when she noticed that I'm not talking. "I'm sorry if I'm being too talkative. I just get excited every time about Science so," she trailed off.
"It's okay," I can't help but smiled. "I um, I love Science too, and SciFi movies as well."
It actually felt nice to know someone who likes the things that I like. Quinn's likes Math and romcom movies, Sam and Mike like the whole actions and stuff so I don't really have anyone I can relate to when it comes to Science. It made me feel better for a bit that Marley and I had something in common even for just this.
"I just bought a DVD of Catching Fire actually. I've seen it in movies before but it's one of my favorites and I want to watch it again."
"I like that movie, too." I said before Mr. McGuire, our Science teacher, entered our class and made our conversation done.
I glance at Marley for a few times and can't help but think that maybe, just maybe, Quinn is quite right about her. I don't really need to ask her straight away but maybe I can befriend her somehow and take things slow or something. She seems like a nice girl and I would be wasting an opportunity if I didn't get closer to her.
So when we're just about to prepare for an experiment once again, I've made my decision.
"Hey, Marley?" I muttered.
"Yeah?" she turned to me.
"I would really like to watch Catching Fire again, too. So I was um, thinking if, you know – "
"We can watch it in my house, if you'd like?" she suggested, cutting me from my ramblings. "Tomorrow, I guess?" she smiled.
"Y-yeah, sure. Absolutely." I smiled back and then went back to our assigned task for the day.
I sighed in relief. It's my first asking a girl like that although it's not actually a date. And for the first time, I haven't thought about Rachel for the rest of the day.
A/N: So, how was that? :)
Don't worry about Marley like I said before. You will know why in the next chapter and I promised to update soon. Maybe this weekend. :)
Next Chapter: "now i'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking." I think you are really familiar with this song :D
Thanks for reading. Hoping for you guys to leave reviews :)