Total Drama: Revenge of the Film Set

Episode 6: Christopia

The Screaming Gaffers 2.0: Gwen, Mike, Sky

The Killer Grips 2.0: Duncan, Jasmine, Max, Owen, Zoey

Previously Eliminated: Shawn, Scott, Heather, Courtney, Dave, Sugar

Keith stood in front of the camera and said, "Welcome back to Total Drama! We took a bit of a hiatus because we know that fans love to wait months between episodes. Now, let's check up on our contestants, shall we?"

The eight remaining contestants awoke inside a dark, cold mine shaft, lit only by a few lanterns lining the interior. They were all wearing Chris MacLean's signature outfit.

Gwen grunted as she rubbed her head. "Ow, what happened?"

A screen lowered from the ceiling, displaying Chris MacLean. "Good morning, slaves," Chris said. A large, jeweled crown rested upon his head.

"Um, excuse me?" Jasmine said.

Chris ignored the unfortunate implications and continued, "Yes, today's challenge is based on Dystopian movies. You are all owned by me, King Chris, and are slaves to the kingdom of Christopia. As you can see, you are all required to wear the same clothes as your lord and master. Currently, you're job is to mine for gold so you can build a gold statue of yours truly. Aaaand I have robot guards all over the place to make sure you can't escape. But maybe, just maybe, one of you can sneak past the guards and break into my castle so you can overthrow me. Whoever gets this crown off my head first wins for their team."

Gwen's Confessional:

Gwen rolled her eyes. "Of course Chris would use this challenge to live out his lifelong dream. Christopia? Yep, the dream of a true narcissist."

Max's Confessional:

"Chris can live out his make-believe Christopia fantasy all he wants, but once I win the million dollars by eliminating everyone with my eeeeviiil strategy, I shall rule the world! And unlike Christopia, Maxtopia shall be real." He threw his head back and gave a booming, maniacal laugh.

"Also," Chris said. "Just to add even more drama, we're doing another team swap. Sky, you're now on the Grips, and Jasmine, you're a Gaffer again."

The Screaming Gaffers 2.0: Gwen, Jasmine, Mike,

The Killer Grips 2.0: Duncan, Max, Owen, Sky Zoey

Several metal orbs started flying toward the contestants. "And you better watch out," Chris added. "Those robot guards will be watching your every move."

"Pick up your pickaxes, slaves," one of the robots said. "Obey. Obey!"

"Zoey Zoey!" Mike said, using his superhuman abilities to throw a pickaxe like a boomerang. His ax spun through the air, destroying every last robot with just one throw, and then the ax came back to him, allowing him to catch it in his hand.

"Alright, go Zoey!" Owen cheered before farting.

He nodded confidently at Zoey.

Zoey's eyes were bloodshot, her hair messed up as she held a Mike puppet up in her hand. She sang the tune of "rockabye baby", replacing every word with Mike's name, in a creepy, whispery voice, like she had gone insane.

"Mike Mike Mike Mikey,

Mike Mike Mike Mike

Mike Mike Mike Miike, Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike," Zoey sang.

Mike gave Jasmine a confused look.

"You never noticed that she had a Mike puppet?" Jasmine said. "She's had that thing since Revenge of the Island, but she only talked to it when you weren't around."

Mike gasped. "Zoey Zoey Zoey..."

Jasmine tapped her chin. "Huh. You're right; now that she's not on your team anymore, you may as well not be around. Poor girl needs that Mike puppet just to feel safe without you."

Zoey was too busy making out with the Mike puppet to hear any of this.

"Alright, time to dethrone King Chris," Duncan said, running down the mine shaft.

Gwen's Confessional:

"Okay, is it just me, or is Zoey reeeeaaally obsessed with Mike?"

Gwen, Jasmine and Mike walked down one end of the mine shaft. Luckily, Mike had a flashlight in his pocket, so thanks to him, his team could see.

"Wow, nice job, Mike!" Jasmine said. "You're so resourceful and perfect. No wonder you're a fan favorite!"

Mike, being the humble and perfect character he is, just shrugged nonchalantly.

"So, Gwen," Jasmine began, awkwardly rubbing the back of her head. "You and Duncan are over, right?"

Gwen cocked her eyebrow. "Why do you care?"

Jasmine shrugged. "Just wondering."

Gwen sighed. "Well, Courtney's jerkitude made me realize I should've stuck with Duncan. In fact, Courtney's name should be Courtmean, although Courtneyzoid works, too."

"Did you two get back together?" Jasmine gave a wide, nervous smile, laughing nervously.

"Wait, do you like Duncan, too?" Gwen said, pointing at Jasmine accusingly.

"I thought every girl on this show liked Duncan?" Jasmine said.

"Well hands off, he's mine!"

"Not unless I claim him first!" Jasmine said.

"We'll just see about that." Gwen ran down the mine shaft, calling for Duncan. "Oh Duncaaaan!"

"I shall have the Duncan!" Jasmine chased after Gwen and kicked her feet out, tripping Gwen. Gwen flew out of a conveniently placed window and fell two stories into a tub of toxic waste.

"What's with the toxic waste?" Jasmine said.

Chris' voice came out of a set of speakers on the ceiling. "The Total Drama fans LOVE to see contestants get turned into feral monsters and mutants. They LOVE it! So, I decided to put toxic waste everywhere in hopes that somebody will go bald and then get mutated from the radiation. YOU KNOW, FOR THE FANS!"

Meanwhile, Owen was farting and as he put his arm around Zoey. Zoey's hair was even more messed up than before, and her eyes were bloodshot with dark circles around them. "Come on, Zoey," Owen said. "Sure you and Mike aren't on the same team, but at least you're on a team with your friends, right? Unless you don't think I'm your friend…" Owen farted nervously.

Zoey glanced over at him, then dropped to her hands and knees. She curled up into a fetal position, hugging her knees to her chest and rocked back and forth. "MIIIIIIKE!" she cried out.

Owen's Confessional:

"Man, I really need to find some baked beans for poor Zoey. Whenever I'm feeling down, I just rip out a huge fart, and then I feel better."

Gwen crawled out of the tub of toxic waste. She was bald and glowing green. "Oh no…" Gwen said. "Why must girls who want to steal my Duncan from me ruin my life? First Courtney, and now Jasmine! Gosh, why can't I just date my Duncan in peace?" Finally, her body expanded and morphed into a walrus, tusks and all. It was over. Gwen couldn't even talk anymore. She had gone full walrus.

Chris was sitting in his throne, watching the footage on the TV. He spat out the lemonade he was drinking and burst out laughing. "Now THAT is what I call 'great for ratings!'" He then pointed to the camera. "You like that, Total Drama fans? Man, that is awesome! It's a good thing Gwen doesn't have any fans left since she's a super evil person who deserves to die! I mean, throughout her Total Drama career she broke up with Trent, stole Duncan from Courtney, broke up with Duncan, then hurt poor Courtney's feelings by refusing to be her friend and getting poooor Courtney eliminated, and then she tried to get back with Duncan again. Man, Gwen is a vile and disgusting person, isn't she? Yep, she deserves what came to her, and I'm sure all the Total Drama fans are happy that this is how Gwen's story will end: That she turned into a walrus."

Chris' voice came over the speakers again. "Attention contestants: Gwen fell in some radioactive goo and turned into a walrus. We're gonna sell her to a circus freakshow, so it looks like Gwen is out of the game. Screaming Gaffers 2.0, you are now down another member. But, the show must go on, and the losing team will still eliminate someone tonight."

Duncan and Jasmine were walking together as they overheard this. "Huh," Duncan said. "Well, that sucks. Oh well, too bad I'm a totally cool and awesome badass! I'm so cool and badass that I don't even care what happens to Gwen. I've moved on from pasty to…" He winked at Jasmine. "Hot chocolate." He reached over and smacked Jasmine's butt, then leaned in for a kiss.

Jasmine blushed and kissed him back. Duncan squeezed Jasmine's butt harder.

Duncan's Confessional:

"Man, I love this show! I get to be a total player with no consequences whatsoever. And no matter what, Total Drama always treats me like the guy you want to root for. Yeah, go me! Duncan rocks!"

Sky ran after Mike and said, "Great, now we're a two-person team. This is awful."

Mike shrugged. "Zoey Zoey, Zoey?"

"Yeah, you're right." Sky looked around, tapping on her chin. "Is it just me, or do all of these corridors look the same? How are we ever getting out of this mine?"

"Zoey! Zoey!" Mike pointed to a conveniently placed door and kicked it open. Chris was sitting in his throne, waiting.

"Well, well, well," Chris said. "Looks like someone came here to win the challenge."

"Zoey ZOEY!" Mike screamed as he ran toward Chris.

Meanwhile, Max threw a rock at a robot guard, disabling it and causing it to crash to the ground. He clapped his hands together and giggled to himself. "Excellent." He pulled a conveniently placed screwdriver from his pocket and got to work on the robot guard. "This shall be an excellent way to use my eeeeevil mastermind self against the cretins on this show. Today, Total Drama. Tomorrow, the world!"

Max's Confessional:

"Pfft, I knew my alliance with Owen and Zoey - which I did in fact create despite it never being mentioned before - wouldn't last. Yep, I created an alliance with them but I was really deceiving them. Tonight, one of them goes home. It's all a part of my strategy!" He threw his head back and gave a maniacal laugh. "Also, being in a relationship with Scarlett last season taught me a thing or two about the dumb nerdy stuff she was always occupied with. I shall now turn that robot slave into my robot minion, and with it, I shall rue the day! Yes, YES! My complex and amazing strategy will finally come to pass, because I. AM. EEEEVIIIIL!"

Although Chef was firing his meatball cannon at Mike, Mike used his amazing gymnastic abilities to dodge every shot. Chris screamed like a girl as Mike leapt in front of him, and like the total badass, perfect character he is, all he needed to do was blow air at Chris' crown to knock it off his head.

Chris sighed. "Welp, I guess The Great and Powerful Mike won the Dystopian challenge." He pulled out a microphone and announced to the contestants, "Attention everyone. Mike won the challenge… again. So, I'll see the Killer Grips 2.0 at the elimination ceremony."

At the Gilded Chris Ceremony, Chris stood at his podium and said, "Alright, remember. Because Zoey is one of the best Total Drama contestants ever, and she's a huge fan favorite, she has automatic invincibility until the merge, so I better not see any votes against her. The following players are safe: Zoey, Owen, and Jasmine." He threw the Gilded Chris Awards to all three of them.

Zoey didn't catch her Gilded Chris, however, as she was too busy sewing a Mike doll together. She was silently giggling to herself as she sewed her Mike doll, but she was also twitching constantly. Her eyes were looking even crazier than ever. "Miiiiiiiiiiike…" she said in a low, psychotic voice.

"Max and Duncan," Chris said. "One of you is going home tonight. And the person who is safe iiiis… well, I ignored the votes. As if I'd let a fan favorite like Duncan go home this early in the competition. So, Duncan, here's your reward." He held out a Gilded Chris while Max stood up, his face red with fury.

"WHAT? How can you get rid of I, the most evil contestant in Total Drama history?" Max shouted. "Didn't you see me, Chris? I was creating that robot… I was working on my strategy to rule the game! I would have brought so many ratings for being so eeeevil! Why? WHY?"

Chris shrugged. "Actually, the Total Drama fans don't like it when contestants use strategy. See, over the past few years, Total Drama's target audience has lowered in age. Because we're trying to target younger viewers, we realized that when people use actual strategy, it's too much for our target audience's delicate little minds. So, we're gonna have to get rid of you, Max. You were becoming waaaay too interesting of a character."

"How dare you!" Max shouted. "I shall have my revenge!"

"Sorry, continuity is also bad for ratings," Chris said. "I'm afraid you shan't have revenge."

Chef grabbed Max by the collar and dragged him away.

"Owen, we need you to do the Fart of Shame."

The scene cut to the hill, where Owen bent over with his butt in the air. Chef jammed Max face-first deep into Owen's anus. Owen clenched his fist and strained his face, pushing hard until he finally ripped out a huge fart that sent Max flying into the air.

Meanwhile, as Duncan headed back to his trailer, someone poked him on the shoulder.

"Duncan, it's me," Sky said as Duncan turned around.

"Oh, 'sup babe?"

Sky rubbed her arm nervously. "I know you've been working Jasmine, but I just want to make sure: You still love me, right?"

Duncan wrapped his arms around her and smacked her butt. "Don't worry, Sky. We're the true couple in this game. I'm just distracting Jasmine by flirting with her, and then, when the time is right, and when she least expects it, I will get her eliminated. I love you Sky, I only want to be with you."

"That's all I needed to hear." Sky leaned over and kissed him, and then turned around to go back to the girls' trailer. "Good night."

Duncan turned around so Sky couldn't see that he was grinning deviously. "Yeah. Good night." His evil grin spread wider.