Disclaimer: I do not own NNT, its characters and/or its plot. I also do not own the cover image.

o1. What You Would Have Wanted

There was water dripping off his cheeks.

He wasn't inclined to find out if was the rain or actual tears. Either way, the drops were cold as ice. He was partially thankful for it for many reasons. But out of all those silly reasons, the truth was that it had him one step above insanity. Something about feelings, emotions and anything else that had to do with not being numb to the things around him. It was nice to say that he hadn't lost himself completely to the pain and shock, that he still had some sort of hold on the world.

He's been living in a monochromatic situation the hours before, see, one more tread into that place and he felt like he could puke from the suffering. They're probably looking for him, but he just couldn't turn back. He had to run the moment he was called to step beside her and give her words of farewell –a speech of mourning and loss.

But no words would describe the state of slow and painful crumbling he was going through. Even if they were inlaid, ready at hand as ink and paper, he still wouldn't have enough will to read it. Not with her stillness haunting him, not when her smile was plaster and her cheeks were colored in an unnatural shade of pink.

He can't. He just can't. Not when she's dead and he couldn't do anything to save her.

The boy stood motionless under a lamp post a corner away from the church. His black shirt was sticking to his body, and the demons inside him laughed at how it almost represented the weight of his sin. His head fell in disgust at the thought.

To think that his March, the one month that mattered, would end up in shambles. It was pulled up in flowers and garlands with his sister's name on it, it was white like the shade of her shroud, it smelled metallic and filled his eyes with the most unsightly mangle of red and blond and-

'STOP IT!'

The underside of his fist met the steel pole of the lamppost in the harshest manner that his strength could offer him. The pain tingled up his nerves in a way that was enough to keep his mind away from the jittery laughter in his brain. He hated losing things that mattered to him. If at all, the one thing he still had left to protect was his sanity. He punched the pole a few times more, and the light visibly wobbled from the violent motion. This time around though, the boy knew that it was his tears that slithered down his jaw.

They were warm. Unlike the rain, his tears were warm and bitter, and he was glad they were. It meant he still had a heart that would allow him to cry. In his mind, he wished that it'd rain on and on and on that night, wanting some sort of washable sorrow. He didn't have the bravery to pad down the street back to his seat near her gold coffin. That much was enough for him, admitting that he was done, really.

"I…don't have the strength to go back…" he whispered, watching his pathetic reflection from a nearby puddle. "E-Elaine…" the sharp of wrist met his eyes in an attempt to brush his tears away, "…I'm so sorry. I'm…a worthless brother…"

He was sure the rain would be an impending precursor of a storm. At least, that's what his tears told him. But a blue umbrella hiding him from the rain had the thought falling away shortly. The light from the lamppost was no longer a lonely type of comfort as it was filtered into a blue-ish hue under the umbrella that suddenly popped out from the shadows. The boy scowled under the shade as he spotted, from the corner of his eyes, two red eyes under sharp white hair strands lined by expensive gel.

"….Go away Ban, I don't need you here."

The taller male only shrugged at the unpleasant greeting.

"We both know that you shouldn't be here either."

The silence that followed was a batch of awkwardness and mutual understanding that came from how they lost one important person in their life that night. Two birds with one stone, truthfully, regardless of how morbid that sounded. Both of them admitted that they had no say in Elaine's death because they were both at fault.

Ban had a little bit more self-control, if he could ever call it that. He just knew when to show his remorse and when not to. "Elaine misses you, King." is what he manages to say, a warm breath against the icy air that the rain brought. "I've loved her long enough to know that you matter to her." He sluggishly placed his hand on the smaller male's head, being as gentle as he can be so as to not offend the poor lad. "And I still love her enough… to know that she wants to see you say goodbye…" The edge of his mouth dipped in a frustrated way as the boy didn't even move under his hand.

He would have been dead in Ban's eyes if he wasn't standing or breathing inconsistently beneath the dark blue umbrella. And if he wasn't Elaine's brother, he would have smashed that lost look on his face and he'd tell him to suck it up. But he didn't, simply because it was rude to do so at her funeral, of all the days. He might as well reserve that for later.

He settled for kicking puddle water high enough to touch the younger boy's face. "Oi oiiiii. You better get your ass back in there or I will drag you in the way she wanted me to drag you." The metal bar of the umbrella almost broke from how tightly his fingers wrapped around it in vain. "Do you want me to get Cap'n out here so we can both stick you to your seat?!"

Ban expected more than a disgruntled sigh and a casual face-wipe from him, maybe an outburst, like the usual days. But then again, today wasn't a regular day at all for all of them. King drew his breath in a raspy way like all the times he's done so far, it kept him calm, even for a little bit. "…I don't understand this." his fingers grew pale as they balled up at his sides, giving his right hand a bit of color contrast to show off the pumping red bruise at the edge of his palm. The pain seared into his nerves like tiny needles, yet he couldn't care less.

"I don't understand how you of all people get to be so horrifyingly calm when…" King inhaled sharply, glaring straight into Ban's unimpressed eyes, "…when….when Elaine's gone and you saw her get…!"

His jaw bone makes an unpleasant boney sound against Ban's knuckles when his fist meets his cheek, the impact had him staggering back first against the lamppost. If women had their dramatic slaps, men made their way through their punches, or as the taller male's mind suggested. He started losing his patience when King made it seem that he was the one at fault, that he was the coward, with all the daggers in his words and eyes. Ban circled his wrist in a menacing way, "Yeah, I'm calm. So what?" the way he spoke was barred by his frustration and gritted teeth, if Ban had been more lose with his words he might just have called his friend a bastard, a coward, amongst everything else that was negative about King at that moment. "Does it look like I'm not in pain? Does it look like I'm not suffering because I lost someone I love?! Do you even know how hard it is to keep my composure with her body sitting there?!" a small, snickering laugh started dropping from his lips as he spoke even more, "You don't hear me crying or wailing like a little kid at all….you know why? ...She won't be in peace if I cry. She hates it when I cry."

"It's all I can do for her now…the last thing she'd want me to do for her sake." Ban's hands burrowed themselves into the pockets of his pants, fearing that if he'd succumb even more to his emotions he'd hit King again, this time without holding back. "…I'm sure as hell that she doesn't want to see you acting like that either, b-r-o-t-h-e-r." he frowned at the lack of response to his bluntness. He didn't like it when King started ignoring him like that. "Tsh…you're wasting your tears your highness. Better cry when you're alone, not like this."

He scowled even more as he watched King merely rubbing his cheek gingerly, as if brushing the pain off as nothing. The shadows that hid his eyes were darker than ever now and the life in his face was completely sucked up by the tear stains and quivering lips. It was a tragic face, like everyone else at Elaine's funeral, except him sadly. "Khh…you keep talking about me, of all people. That's all I hear from that mouth of yours. But I don't hear you talking how you, the brother, is cowardly shunning himself from his responsibilities." the umbrella was no longer above King's head; it was discarded to the puddles when Ban's fist flared in his annoyance.

"Do your sister a favor and man up." His tone was slightly lower this time, a bit of sympathy leaking through his usual harshness. "You know what to do, King. You always know what to do…" his head bowed under the pale light of the lamp, "…that's…what she told me, one day before she grew wings and flew off on her own."

King tilted his head a bit, eyes focused on Ban who had his back turned and his lonesome gaze staring at the church's lights glowing yellow, just down the street. He didn't have the voice to go up against everything he had said. The truth was merciless and unforgiving just as life was. And at that moment life wanted him to realize how he failed to protect his sister Elaine, it made him want to quit and crawl into a hole and rot himself to death.

But Ban sent out a tsunami stronger than the rain. It might just have washed away his sorrow….might, if only temporarily. It was more than enough to have King a tad bit braver than he previously was when he ran away. It's just the push he needed.

"…You're right, Ban." a corner of his mouth tipped up with a hesitant breath, "I should go…for my sister. It's the best thing I could do for her now." King picked up the umbrella immediately, noticing how it slowly became a makeshift puddle as the rain threatened to fill it up. He shagged the water out and brought it up to his head, saving the last of his dryness and dignity for his mourning speech.

"I'll go. Thanks for….convincing me."

His mind wanted to ask Ban if he had an intention to follow, but the taller man's head was tilted down in a way that said 'don't bother me, you go ahead.' King didn't want to dwell on how he looked as lost as he was moments before, so his steps went over the puddles in a hasty manner. He didn't look back, nor did he plan to keep himself glued to the past.

He clung to the umbrella with a determined and new-found will sprouting sparks inside him, and all the words he wanted to say to her started rushing into his mind. When he abandoned that corner of the street, he began to understand what it meant to move on, at least even for a tiny measure that would keep him living without Elaine.

The rain stopped when he entered the church, everyone's eyes glowing like beads of light as the sun shone from the distance. If they hadn't known any better, the sun behind the young man's back made him look angelic in a sense. It put their hearts at ease.

"I'm…sorry for running out like that, everyone," he smiled, and it was the most sincere smile he made in the last few hours, "I won't run away anymore, starting now."

That's what Elaine would have wanted, for him to move on. But if King took the time to turn his head to the streets behind him, he might have noticed the gentleman in a black suit, silver tears lining the rims around his cold scarlet eyes.

Ban blew his nose against the material of his sleeves, '….It was soiled anyway.' he thought, shivering in the sunlight.

End notes:

[1] Even if this was marked as o1, I consider it more of a prologue. The main story starts next chapter, if you can call it that. XD

[2] Thank you to those who reviewed! It takes me a two or three days at best to finish one chapter. I'll post a delay notice whenever something comes up and the next chapter wouldn't be posted until later on. :)

[3] If anyone was wondering whether Mel/ Eli would be mentioned in the story, then yes, they will be. I did say this would include various other pairings :D.

[4] I had fun writing this chapter. I like writing emotional chapters, expect more to come! Cheers~