"Well, umm, wow." Takamatsu mumbled. "It looks like, I found a fic, that isn't insulting.
"Is it erotic?" Yuusa asked immediately, everyone looked at her funnily and Yuusa looked away blushing.
"Noo . . ." Takamatsu replied slowly. "It's safe, for the most part, some questionable things here and there, but otherwise, it's safe.
"Define questionable" Yuri insisted as everyone inched their way to the newest fic.
"Well, some of us act a bit out of character." Takamatsu explained. Yuri nodded.
"Soo, it's not that bad right?" Ooyama said hopefully.
"It not being insulting would be a huge plus." Matsushita added.
"Alright then, begin reading Takamatsu." Yuri requested.
"Here it goes." Takamatsu mumbled.
Beyond the Hell of Salvation
By: TheInternetBeginsWithYou!
"It looks like it could be good, interesting, deep, and meaningful." Otonashi said sarcastically
"No! Just, No!" Yui yelled from across the room as she rocked in a corner, biting her thumb.
"I swear, this better not be another persons' attempt at, I don't even know, whatever the hell that pseudo "deep" scar-fetish-therapy melodramatic soap opera porn shit that last story was!" Hisako snarled from the other corner.
"What happened to not taking these stories seriously you two?" Iwasawa asked calmly from Hisako's side.
"Screw that!" they both yelled.
"Calm down you guys." Takamatsu flicked his glasses. "I made absolute sure this story was not that bad. I'm the one getting the most humiliation out of all of you, if I do say so myself." he squirmed a bit uncomfortably in his chair, sighed and began reading.
Summary: All of the Angel Beats characters have been reincarnated
"Because that tends to go SOOOO well." Yuri muttered.
They eventually remember each other. What seems like the recipe for a fairy tail
"We're a guild now?" Noda asked.
"WE REMEMBER EACH OTHER MATSUSHITA" TK yelled whoops as the others chat excitedly until Yuri yells at them to shut up.
quickly turns into a lethal spiral down to the depths of despair.
""It started with a road trip didn't it?" Naoi asked. Everyone sighed.
"My life, sucks. It's fucking boring as horse shit.
"What?" Ooyama let out an exasperated laugh. "I'm sure speak for anyone in saying if the biggest problem of my life was that it was boring, I'd take that in a heart beat over the real horse shit I dealt with in my life. "
"Yup."
"Mhmm"
"Baby Got Back!"
Hell yeah."
"YEAH NYAN!"
"Just let me keep my guitar and voice and I'd be OK."
"Amen!"
"Fuck just let me keep my siblings!"
"LET'S GLOMP ONEE CHAN GUYS SHE'S CRYING!"
"Ooof"
Oh wait, my therapist, who insists on being called Christ-
"I went from being an amazing hacker who could even hack the networks of the after life with ease, into a Mexican job-exported IT specialist, into a therapist for whiny unmotivated teenagers. Reincarnation is a bitch."
Insists that I replace my cuss words with the phrase "titty sprinkles" to not be so offensive.
"And a bad therapist at that." Fujimaki inserted, The snickers that had begun when Takeyama had become a therapist rose to fits of laughter , with most of the girls just looking at Takeyama funnily.
My grades are perfect, the teachers say I could go to any high school I wanted, school is too easy.
"I find it hard to believe anybody who would agree to use the term "titty sprinkles" is that smart. Hell being that smart is just plain impossibre!" Noda objected.
"I beg to differ." Iwasawa responded. "I was told the exact same thing, though, I turned that future down so I could leave that hell hole of a house.". Hisako wrapped an arm around her best friend. They looked at each other and smiled tenderly at each other.
I dunno what to do with my life. All of the choices sound boring as titty sprinkles."
"I'm putting money on this being Noda. That would be hilarious!" Fujimaki stated followed by some chuckles.
"Naaah, I'm sure it's this imbicle." Naoi replied thumbing everyone's favorite blue headed teen who smirked.
"Well, you can't call me an imbicle then, since in this story I would be super smart." Naoi face palmed
"Nobody who says titty sprinkles has the right to be considered smart!" he retorted.
These thoughts ran through the head of Machibachi Tsukasa as she nodded her head that had a purple pixel hair cut, while she used pencils to turn her desk into a set of drums.
"Shit." Miyuki cussed under her breath as everyone stared toward her direction.
"You mean "Titty sprinkles"?" Shiori asked. Miyuki silently bonked her friend in the head.
The board in front of the classroom read "Welcome back fucking filthy casuals"
"Oh lovely." Noda rolled his eyes "The teacher is a MAL elitist."
Suddenly a teen boy with sexy messy purple hair, swinging his halberd at his side.
"These people find Noda's hair sexy?" Takamatsu asked. Noda glared at him.
Appeared in front of Tsukasa with his school blazer slung over his shoulder, bag in non occupied hand, the top and bottom two buttons of his white uniform shirt undone revealing his toned totally sexy ass six pack abs
Noda gave a chuckle and a prideful grin.
"Someone's a Noda fan" Otonashi mumbled
"Tsukasa where's my tablet? Couldn't find it at home."
"Soo, my brother is Noda . . .?" Miyuki asked.
"Same place as your grades of course, up your ass."
Miyuki was quickly snatched up into Shiori's arms as her face became more and more of a tomato color
"You bastards dare degrade my best friend with your vile pseudo edgy personality?" she yelled. Yui jumped with kunai in hand she took from Shiina's desk toward the computer, but was stopped by the ninja.
The boy smirked. "Don't you mean "up my titty sprinkle"? he asked
Noda threw his head back yelling "Nooo!" as Fujimaki yelled "Yesss" and a roar of laughter errupted from the audience.
"You don't have tits Kaoru" Tsukasa said with an exasperated tone. "And Thank goodness you don't because you already rage more than a woman PMS-ing at the mall on Black Friday when you're in a good mood."
"Damn Miyuki, so much edge" Hisako said putting her hands in mid air while Miyuki shrunk her head deeper into the shoulder of her bassist friend.
Kaoru grunted and found his way to his seat and opened his bag to find his tablet and a bento. Kaoru smiled. Tsukasa had depression which explains why she is always in a sour mood-"
"If that isn't the biggest load of-" Yuri started.
"Depression doesn't give you any excuse to be a brat to anyone. Sure you get easily irritated, but the depression gives you no right to be full out mean to people." Iwasawa added.
"And what's with the bento? Are they implying Miyuki is a bro-con here?" Noda asked,
"Gross." Miyuki mumbled in Shiori's shoulder.
"Deep down though she really cares about her family, she just has a hard time keeping positive. I'd do anything to make her smile."
Miyuki rolled her eyes and Noda scratched his head while many others shook their heads.
"They're trying too hard." Kanade concluded.
Suddenly a pink loli jumped into the classroom
Yui glared wearingly at the computer awaiting her character's fate.
She hopped onto the desk of a girl with silver hair and amber eyes "Yo class president!" she yelled
"Hooray I can jump around!" Yui yelled," no paralysis."
The confronted teen crossed her arms "What you you want, obnoxious little girl?" she asked, with a distinct English accent.
"I am slightly saddened by this, image people seem to have of me being cruel in this dimension" Kanade said, Yuzuru put an arm around his girlfriend.
"Guess what nyan? My sister who was in a potentially fatal coma after being involved in an a horrible wreck woke up and will be coming to school today, I'm so excited~!" The class president stuck her feet up and took out a tea cup , poured tea from a thermous into it, then sipped it. "Why is this important , or even news? People survive such things all of the time." she took out a croissant and dipped it into the tea. "Meanwhile every three seconds, another person dies, that person could be a child mind you. So why should I be impressed, that one person managed to survive death, temporary might I add."
""How, charming" Yuusa mumbled
"So, horrible." Kanade mumbled.
"You're a bitch." the loli replied and walked off the desk to her seat.
"Well, it's better than thug lyfe Yui" Hinata commented, Yui agreed.
"Time to jam out to onee san's favorite songs to celebrate!" She pulled out her guitar and began playing a Sad Machine song.
Iwasawa and Hisako perked up with glittery eyes
"Sad Machine!" they exclaimed. Iwasawa hugged Yui all of a sudden.
"If that's the kind of music you play, I'd be happy to have you as my sister~" she gushed. Hisako snorted.
"Her rhythm sucks, if the time signature is a 4/4 prepare to hear it go from 4/4 to 3/4 to 3/2 in a matter of 3 measures." Yui glared at her senpai who shrugged in a helpless fashion.
"If we're sisters. I'll make sure she learns good rhythm! Especially for Sad Machine songs" Iwasawa promised, Yui let out a little yay and wag of her tail.
The door flew open and in swooped three rather feminine looking men in school idol uniforms. One had turqouise hair and glasses which he flicked
"Taka-" Fujimaki began as his breathing got shorter and he kept snorting, around him giggling began "-matsu" aaand half the group lost it, including the kiddies.
"I can't go on" Takamatsu whined as he threw his head in his hands, "Someone take over." he asked, Fujimaki jollily slapped his shoulder and rolled his computer chair to the computer.
On either side of Takauta Sekai was Karuto Nao, a blue hair lilac eye teen, and Sakabuchi Kyon, a red head red eyed male.
"Oh great" Hinata said as he face palmed. Otonashi shook his head
They held hands over Sekai's head. "Gayyyyy" a person in the class commented. The two schol idols had recently confirmed having a steady strong relationship going.
Both boys, along with Naoi groaned.
They proceeded to, with their super high pitched voices sing "Torch" by Lia while performing a choreographed dance.
"Lia's got range." Yui commented. "Even I can't hit a lot of the high notes in "Torch" easily. Imagining guys trying to do that in the original key f the song is borderline horrifying."
"But, Takamatsu as a school idol in a pretty pink dress!" Matushita laughed, "That imagery. And with how dramatic Takamatsu can be, all the more hilarious!" More laughter is heard in the room
"Hey! Hinata and Otonashi are in this too! Stop picking on just me!" Takamatsu argued.
"We all know Hinata is bi" Chaar chuckled with the blue hair teen objecting , "And Otonashi was never really that serious of a person anyway. You're the only serious guy in the group." Takamatsu placed his head back in his hands and groaned more.
Suddenly a sword flew over the heads of the three idols and out the window, causing Takamatsu to scream like a girl and run off.
""Humiliating . . ." Takamatsu mumbled as the laughter around him reach it's peak. "But at least my character won't be butchered anymore.
"You call that music you damn shit taste bafoons?"
"Here comes the MAL elitist." Noda mumbled.
The remaining two idols sat in desks, afraid to do more. In came a teen, wearing an open samurai uniform with a katana sword held behind his head.
"Soo I'm some tough samurai in this story? Well, that's not too bad I guess." Fujimaki stated.
Honestly! This is a school!" he then got in Kyon's face and yelled "Not a karaoke hooker club for desperate NEET casuals like you.
"Me? Desperate, please." Otonashi said sarcastically while making circles in the air with his finger..
"Fujimaki, " Noda wearily began, "You spend way too much time on the MAL boards." Fujimaki rolled his eyes.
The door once again swung open, so hard and fast that it hit the wall. A girl with long violet hair and aqua colored eyes entered.
"Se me hace tarde porque algunos perdedor estacionó su auto de una manera que me hizo incapaz de mover mi propio coche . Corrí a la parada de autobús , y el autobús estaba allí . Me despedí de mis manos frenéticamente , silbado y llegué al autobús puerta pero la señora cerrado la puerta a mí. Así que tuve que caminar todo el camino a la escuela en la lluvia. Esa perra . " Everyone looked at her funnily as she huffed and took her seat.
"Soo, can anyone translate that?/' Yuusa asked.
"Taquellama probably could." Shiori replied earning her some laughs with Takeyama raising a shaky fist.
The teacher got in the Spanish speaker's face. "English mother fucker, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!"
"No in fact, I suck at English too, My Japanese only is any good." Yuri said sarcastically.
You're the teacher. Shouldn't you encourage cultural awareness ? My name is Tamaguchi Anko for attendance records."
"Heh, looks like you got pwned Fujimaki." Takamatsu laughed, others giggled too.
"Yoo, does anyone have a smoke?" Nao asked.
" I never friggin smoked, why do these peple think I smoke?!" Hinata yelled.
"You have droopy eyes?" Char offered with Hinata giving a heavy sigh.
Sensei threw Nao a pipe. "Only filthy cheap casuals use cigarettes. True men use cigars."
"Thanks for driving me closer to lung cancer, Sensei" Hinata said with a grin and a thumb up to Fujimaki who rested his head on his hand and groaned.
"Whoa, so sensei is the cool kind of sensei who doesn't care about the rules?" the pink hiar loli gasped. "In that case," she began unbuttoning her blazer and dress shirt, revealing her D-cup breasts.
Most of the girls gawked at the imagery, Yui yelled protest to her action in the story, and Hinata's face exploded in red.
All of the boys faces turned red and they pumped their fists in the air and whooped
Yui groaned .
"You all are not true men!" Sensei yelled. "Just boys who are tall and have hair in weird places. I , though I was born in the same year as you, can control my urges and keep my body pure. I have way more discipline than any of you plebs!" he yelled.
"You threw a sword out the window out of anger." Matsushita began. "And you claim to be a master of discipline?" there was laughter in the room.
The door then, for the umpteenth time that day, swung open. "Daaarrrrllliiinnnggg" a well tanned C cup brunette with sharp brown eyes sang as she flew into the room and wrapped her arms around Sensei's arm and her boobs rubbed up against him.
Fujimaki slowly looked back at the now shaking guitar player . He smirked
"It's , better than the last chapter." Hisako said in a shaky voice.
The girl looked at Sensei, tears genty fell from her eyes as she smiled. "Darling we did it. I'm pregnant with our child! We have a child on the way!"
"What were you saying about discipline?" Hinata asked as a fit of laughter errupted in the put his head down, Hisako put her head in her face with Iwasawa comforting her.
"We have an ultrasound appointment today! Ichigo, Tsukasa, Kaoru, you need to come too." The pink loli and the twins stood up. Anko rose too. "Better than staying here. " she mumbled,following.
"Uninvited." Yuri mumbled
The two idols, curious also followed outside.
"So everyone is going to see my ultrasound, I get , no privacy. "Hisako sighed.
"What the hell Kyou? We're both still virgins. I was having fun pushing those kids around!"
"Sadist." Otonashi mumbled.
"Listen to me." Kyou commanded in a hushed voice. "Charlotte, my best friend was kidnapped. Somebody sent a picture of her gagged and in a cell in the abandoned prison downtown." Kyou took her cell phone out and showed everyone a picutre of a blonde unconscious girl.
"Ha! My character isn't butchered!" Shiori yelled triumphantly , several sets of glaring eyes pointed at her.
"Alright then, Let's go save her! I'll be the lead protagonist in this mission" Kaoru yelled.
"He actually got something right about me." Noda mumbled. "This guy understands me, unlike the other authors."
They ran towards the prison. As they ran through the streets, Ichigo was being assaulted in the face by her breasts which had made their way out of her bra, since she hadn't closed herself up.
"Oh my gosh." Hisako said face palming hardly.
"That was, so stupid." Shiina commented.
Yui looked down and shook her head.
"Ichigo, check yourself before you wreck yourself." Kyou retorted.
That's the kind of lines I use? Come ON NOW!" Hisako yelled.
They stopped while Ichigo did this on the side walk in a cute moe fashion.
"God, please, help these people, help this, story, just, please." Miyuki prayed.
A bus passed by and Yuri stuck her middle finger at it yelling "biiiitttccchhh."
"Takamatsu." Yuri said slowly. 'I thought you said this , story was mostly devoid of out of character behaviour. Takamatsu waves his face around, as if considering.
"Some of us are totally out of character, however most of us in this story are just extreme versions of ourselves when we think about it. It may not be what we like, but I think that is all it is, a, slightly offending extreme version of our cast. Before any of you protest! Like I said, there are some exceptions where some of us are completely out of characterPlus, I assure you, you'll be surprised about how this story ends.." Everyone took a moment to absorb this
"Ok, OK. Fujimaki, please continue this, story."
They got to the prison, and Sensei and Kaoru barged in the front door yelling.
"We really have no stealth." Noda commented.
Everyone else, seeing as there was no point in staying secretive, ran in. The girls had their guitars, Anko had a bag full of "Spanish for Dummies" books.
"Of course."
The idols bore their bare fists, and Tsukasa had a bag full of text books. Suddenly the power went off. The room was dark. Everyone huddled "What are you guys doing?" a voice asked. "Onee chan!" Ichigo whispered happily, we're here to rescue someone! How'd you find us?" Ichigo asked. "I was on my way to school with all of my paperwork finally done when I saw Anko fipping the bird at the bus,
"Of course."
"All this dialouge ruins the tension." Otonashi commented.
"So I got off the bus-" a gun shot was heard in the dark. A few muttered "shits" were heard.
"This story is getting suspenseful, there's a first. " Ooyama commented.
Complete darkness, complete silence. Foot steps ripped this silence. They sounded at a constant, medium pace. Then a red light appears, then disappears. Darkness, silence returns heavy breathing.
"TSUKASA!"Kaoru yelled. Tsukasa then felt Kaoru embrace her as a gun sounded. Kaoru gasped, stuttered a bit, then was silent.
"Whoa!" TK yelled.
"Did they kill Noda?" Fujimaki asked
"He- He's" Tsukasa breathed, "limp . .. Is this really happening?" More gun shots. "Run!" Kyon yelled. That's what everyone did. They ran in different directions while an unknown number of shooters shot at them. It felt like no one got anywhere because the change of direction of the shooters running caused everyone to keep changing their own direction of running. As Nao kept running he caught a glimpse of Anko, a shot went off and Anko was falling to the ground
Some people were out of their seats now, very into the story
"That's the end of the chapter." Fujimaki said simply.
"Pull up chapter two!" The group yelled in unison. Fujimaki looked.
"There is no chapter two, just this one.
"Bull shit!" Noda yelled shoving the teen off the chair and looking around, before finally realizing he was right.
The story was discontinued.
"Despite, the insanity, this story looked like it was going to get, good, but there's, no more?" Ooyama asked in disbelief. Everyone looked solemnly at the screen.
Yuri smirked.
There's out proof though, that there are good stories out there! " she yelled. Now someone find us one that is a finished story!" she yelled.
Everyone now, with new found hope, went back to looknigh for stories.
Soo lovely patient, oh so very patient readers, your patience, has finally been rewarded, or atleast, you will hopefully feel it has been. Between school, work, laziness, and extreme writers block on deciding how to write this chapter, it is finally done, Glory be to God! I do apologize for your wait! Please review, tell me what you think.