Siren: The second chapter of our parody!

Muse: ...

Siren: Muse had to go home...(cries)

Muse: ...

Siren: I need a friend.

(poof) Yuan: Wha? Is this where Kratos went?

Siren: No, Kratos is currently in my basement, being raped repeatedly by me. (smiles insanely) Wanna join him?

Yuan: Oh...my...god...YES!!!

Siren: That's kind of creepy.

Yuan: Wait...do I get to have yaoi S&M with Kratos?

Siren: Sure, why not?

Yuan: THEN YES!!

Siren: Seriously, man, that's incredibly disturbing...

Yuan: (laughing maniacally as he runs into Siren's basement)

Kratos: (screams)

SFX: (whips cracking, branding irons sizzling, electricity crackling)

Siren: Hey, wait, you have to say the disclaimer!

Yuan: Sirens & Muses do not own Tales of Symphonia. Get back here, Kratos!

Kratos: Call the police! Please! Anything!! (screams)

Siren: I gotta go. Review please!

Our heroes continued their journey to the temple. As they left the town, they ran into…

"What the hell is that?!" Lloyd shouted, pointing at the large thing that was growling ahead of them.

"I think it's a blob," Genis said observantly.

"Oh, good deductive reasoning, Genis," Lloyd said angrily. "You're almost as good a detective as Light from Death Note. I mean, really. You find a notebook on the ground that says, 'DEATH NOTE' on the cover, and ask, 'What is this? A notebook of death?' NO, GENIUS, it's a notebook of newborn kittens, what do you think it is?!"

Lloyd looked around. "Uh, guys, where'd you go?"

"Oh," Colette called from ahead. "We stopped listening a while ago. You should really be more observant."

After Lloyd caught up to his friends, they arrived at the temple.

"Grandma!" Colette yelled.

"Run, Colette!" Phaidra yelled.

"Chosen One," a random dude called out," your life is mine!"

"Well," Lloyd said, "Colette, great times, but this random dude seems pretty serious, so, you know, I'd better get going home before he kills me."

"Desians? Hahahahaha!" A random 'Desian' laughed.

"…I think you missed what I just said…"

"Die at the hands of the Desians you hate so much," another guy said.

"Listen, you're missing the point…oh, never mind, I'll just kill you."

The battle engaged, in which Genis tried to cast magic, but ended up being beaten to a pulp. Colette, in an effort to help, accidently tripped over Genis and they both burst into flames. Lloyd sighed and killed the bad guys with absolutely no effort.

"And don't come back!" Genis yelled.

"You suck so bad, Genis," Lloyd said.

Suddenly, a huge guy with a hammer and flail appeared.

"Do not get in our way!"

Another battle ensued. Lloyd, in an effort to make thing easier, killed Colette and Genis.

"There we go, now I'll just kill this dude…"

Then, out of nowhere, Kratos appeared and held up his arm. Vidarr, upon seeing his foe's arm, was thrown back.

"Whoa," Genis said, magically alive, "that guy's arm is amazing!"

"I THOUGHT I KILLED YOU, GENIS!!" Lloyd yelled.

"Get out of the way," Kratos said.

"Make me," Lloyd answered, sticking his tongue out.

"I will."

"Tough words coming from a guy dressed in fucking PURPLE!"

Vidarr charged again and the battle went on. Kratos and Lloyd promptly kicked ass, while Genis and Colette continued to be more useless than a spool of thread in a plane crash.

"Keep working on it, okay?" Genis said.

"Who the hell are you talking to? He's dead." Lloyd shook his head. "And they say I'm retarded," he mumbled to his bag of crack.

"I never thought you'd show up," Botta said to Kratos. "Damn! Retreat for now."

"What the hell?! I kicked your sorry asses, too! Why aren't you running from me?!" Lloyd said.

"Because you can't get away with wearing purple, can you?" Botta said as he ran away like a scared bunny rabbit.

"Is everyone alright? No one seems to be hurt," Kratos said.

"What the hell kind of an arrogant asshole are you? Did you not see me kicking ass back there?"

"No."

"Well, FUCK YOU. Hey, is that an Exsphere that just sparkled conspicuously?"

"No, it was the product of a horrible quarry accident. My co-workers bet money that no one could weld a rock to a human hand. As it turns out, you can."

"How can I ever thank you for saving the Chosen?" Phaidra said, ignoring the conversation taking place between Lloyd and Kratos.

"You could let me make her my sex slave," Kratos mumbled.

"What?"

"Huh?"

"Hmm?"

"So, this girl is the Chosen?" he said, pointing to Genis.

"I'm not a girl!" Genis yelled.

Lloyd snorted. "Okay, Genis, we believe you," he said sarcastically.

"I'm the Chosen, random stranger! And I have to go accept the oracle." Colette turned to her grandmother. "I'm going to undergo the trial now."

"Dear, I told you, the magistrate dropped those charges-oh, you meant the other trial. Silly me."

"What trial?" Lloyd asked, being his usual dumb self and not knowing these things.

"The monsters, I assume," Kratos said, being his usual arrogant self and knowing these things.

"Well, you know what they say about assumptions. They make an ass outta you and me."

"The priests that were supposed to protect you are dead now," Phaidra said, moving things along.

"Ooh! Ooh! I'll protect her! Pick me!" Lloyd waved his hands wildly in the air.

"Lloyd? I would be uneasy with just you, what with all the drugs you sell on the street. Speaking of which, tell Pedro I'll be by on Friday for my usual."

"Will do."

"You sell drugs?" Kratos asked. "And your name is Lloyd?"

"Are you a cop?"

"No."

"Then, in that case, yes."

"I'll accept the task of guarding the Chosen," Kratos told Phaidra.

"What does that have to do with anything we were talking about?" Lloyd asked.

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing."

"Well," Phaidra said, "I guess you can, guy I just met two minutes and thirty-six seconds ago. Just a few background questions. Are you gay?"

"…Technically, no."

"Are you on drugs?"

"Not at this moment."

"Then I think we're good. Just try not to rape, beat, torture, or kill anyone while you're in there."

"Hey, can we go, too?" Lloyd asked.

"No, I hate you and hope you die in a fiery car wreck, like Shingleton," Kratos said.

"Mr. Kratos, can Lloyd come with us?" Colette piped up. "I feel nervous when he's not around. Lord only knows what would happen if I came down and he wasn't here with my emergency stash."

"Do as you wish." Kratos said, disgusted at losing an argument with a sixteen-year-old blonde girl.

"Thanks, Colette," Lloyd said as they walked inside.

"Don't flatter yourself, Lloyd, you're only here as my supplier."

"Did you guys forget about me?" Genis asked.

"God, I hate you so much, Genis. You're voice is so whiny, your hair makes you look like a fag, and your outfit is tacky," Colette said angrily. "Get the hell away from me!"

Genis cried. "Lloyd, you're my best friend, right?"

"Genis, in no parrallel universe would I ever be your friend."

"Kr-Kratos?" he sniffled hopefully.

"YOU ARE UNLOVED!" Kratos said abruptly.

The foursome continued into the temple, but the authors are tired, so that's as far we're getting in this chapter. Stay tuned for next time, when Lloyd discovers heroin, Kratos forgets to take his meds, child pornographers adopt Colette, and Genis is still unloved and useless!