Siren: We revised this because our buddy doesn't want his name posted all over cyperspace.

Muse: And because managed to completely screw up the format.

Siren: Disclaimer time!

(poof) Regal: Wha?

Siren: ARGH! I hate you! Pedo! (beats with laptop)

Regal: Sirens & Muses don't own ToS. (screams in pain)

Siren: Die, freak!

Last chapter, Lloyd was heading home after having stolen Genis' equipment.

"Hey, authors," Lloyd yelled to the sky, "why do you always summarize the last chapter at the beginning of the next one?"

The authors did not answer.

Lloyd walked up to his house. "Hi, Dad! Can you make me a Key Crest?"

"Why?" Dirk asked suspiciously. "Who needs a Key Crest?"

"Uh… there was this gay, two hundred pound, six and a half foot Mexican kid name Twitchy I met today. I just thought he might like to not get swine flu."

"Baloney. DWARVEN VOW #11: MEXICANS AREN'T NAMED TWITCHY!"

"…Who came up with that Dwarven Vow again?" Lloyd asked.

"Candy the stripper," Dirk said angrily. "Just ask her herself!" He pointed to the wall.

"Um…Dad, have you been in my stash recently?"

"Candy says to shut up! Who is the Key Crest really for?"

"I met someone at the ranch today," Lloyd admitted.

"YOU WENT TO THE RANCH?!" Dirk yelled as the camera flipped to the outside of the house.

"Why did it suddenly get dark outside?" Lloyd asked. "Did your sentence seriously take that long to say?"

Dirk went on a rant about something, which Lloyd ignored because he was still confused about Candy, the non-existent stripper, and why the sun had managed to set in less than three seconds. To shut his father up, Lloyd pointed and yelled, "Look! Candy just died!"

"What?" Dirk asked, staring at the wall. "NO!!!!!! CANDY!" Dirk punched Lloyd in the face. "YOU KILLED CANDY, YOU BASTARD!!!" He dropped to his knees and began to search the floor frantically. "Her ID…Oh my god! Someone call NCIS! She's a naval officer!" As Lloyd slowly backed out of the house, Dirk began to sing. "We've only just beguuun…To liiiiiiiiive…white lace and promiiises…a kiss for luck and theiiiiiiiir oooooooon theiiiiiiir waaaaaaaaaay…"

"Isn't that a wedding song?" Lloyd asked, confused. He backed up out of the house and into Kratos, who stabbed him with his sword.

"You suck, Lloyd."

Lloyd turned around. Colette, Genis, Raine, and Kratos were all standing there.

"Lloyd, I came to pass on a message. Pedro-you remember him, right?-says that if he doesn't get his money by the end of the week, he's going to break your spine right down the center," Colette said.

"That's pretty gruesome. Did you really need to bring everyone else who's relevant to the storyline with you?" Lloyd asked.

"Kratos wants to stare at your dead mother's grave, Raine is going to stand by the exit of the house, and Genis has to wander around dumbly."

"Oh." Lloyd glanced around. "Well, go about your business, then."

The group did as Colette described above, while Lloyd and his blonde friend went up on the terrace to tango and sing songs from 'RENT'.

"Is there a particular reason we're tangoing and singing songs from 'RENT'?" Lloyd asked. "Don't you want to do something else?"

"Well, I certainly don't want to talk about my journey tomorrow," Colette answered.

"That reminds me, I'm going with you. My mother was murdered by Desians, angst, angst, angst…" Lloyd went on explaining his angsty reasons for wanting to kill the Desians and go on the regeneration journey. Colette tuned him out by trying to get a good look at Kratos' ass from above. She pouted when she was unable to get the right angle.

"Hey, wait," she said suddenly. "How did you know your mother was killed by Desians? The authors skipped that part with Dirk."

"Oh, the voices told me." Lloyd massaged his temples. "They really need to stop arguing. One is a Colloyd fan, one is a Shelloyd fan, one's a Zelloyd fan, and one is envisioning Kratos and Yuan stripping to 'Sexyback'."

"I WANT INSIDE YOUR HEAD!" Colette screamed. "Anyway, we leave at noon tomorrow. Don't show up at, like, nine or any ridiculous time like that."

Raine and Genis spontaneously came from inside the house. "Hey, Lloyd, why is Dirk crying and calling for Leroy Jethro Gibbs?"

"Probably for the same reason the authors ripped off song lyrics, overused lines from South Park, and Twitchy, the gay Mexican." Lloyd shrugged. "We don't know."

Colette shrugged, and the group left. "Okay," Lloyd said, going into his room. "Time to make that necklace." He stopped when he spotted a Playboy under his bed. "Almost time to make that necklace," he corrected himself.

THE NEXT MORNING…

"It's all done!" Lloyd said, holding up the necklace, which looked like a four-year-old had glued elbow noodles onto a chunk of drywall and attached it to a piece of blue yarn.

Lloyd went downstairs and came upon Dirk sitting in front of Anna's grave.

"Here's the damned Key Crest," Dirk said, handing him the Key Crest.

"Sweet! Why'd you change your mind?" Lloyd asked.

"DWARVEN VOW #2: BECAUSE I CAN."

"Listen, about those Dwarven Vows…I don't really think they apply to everything in life…" Lloyd tried to explain.

Suddenly, Genis appeared out of nowhere. "Lloyd! Why are you still here?!"

"Aaaarrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhh!" Dirk screamed, going into a horrible frenzy upon seeing the boy. "YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE!!!" He pulled a machine gun out of his back pocket and began firing it at Genis in a rampage. As Lloyd and Genis dodged the bullets and ran off with Noishe, Lloyd yelled back, "Bye, Dad!"

"AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!" Dirk screamed back. "Bye, son!" He shot at Genis a couple more times.

"Lloyd!" Genis yelled. "Colette left already!"

"What?!" he shouted back. "She told me noon!"

They ran to the town and up to Colette's house.

"Hello, Lloyd," Phaidra said, glaring at Genis.

"Is it true that Colette already left?" Lloyd asked, alarmed.

"No, it was all a horrible lie that Genis told you."

"I knew it!" Lloyd stabbed Genis.

Phaidra laughed cruelly. "That was a lie. I just wanted you to stab him."

"So Colette's really gone?"

"Of course. She told me to give you this letter."

Dear Lloyd,

By the time you read this, I will have already posted that video on Youtube. You know, the one where you got drunk? Well, you may not remember that night, but the hidden camera does. And there's nothing you can do about it. Anyway, I lied to you because YOU SUCK. Did you get that, Lloyd? YOU SUCK. Not as much as Genis, but enough that I don't want you here. By the way, I'd like you to have all the drugs, booze, and gay porn hidden under the floorboards in my room. Do what you want with all the gay porn; give it to Genis for all I care. Yeah, do that. He'd like that.

Farewell, Colette.

"This sounds suspiciously like a will," Lloyd said. "Are you sure it's a letter and not a will?"

"It's a will. There's something we've hidden from the entire village." Phaidra took a ragged breath. "YOUR FATHER ISN'T FRANK! HE'S AN ANGEL, LLOYD!"

"Huh?" Lloyd said dumbly.

Phaidra glanced at the script. "Whoops. Wrong page. Here we go…"

Suddenly, there was a loud explosion, followed by maniacal laughter.

"What's that?!" Lloyd yelled. "Is it a leprechaun?!"

"Let's charge out the door to certain death!" Genis cried.

They dashed outside and saw…

"Gasp!" Lloyd said.

"Gasp!" Genis said.

"It's HIM!" Lloyd screamed.

And indeed it was. Who is HE, you ask? You shall never know.

HE was laughing maniacally and splashing gasoline all over the town. He then lit a match and dropped it, running away.

"YOU'LL NEVER STOP ME, CAPTAIN PLANET!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" HE screamed at the top of his lungs.

Lloyd and Genis ran to the entrance of town. HE was gone, but there were Desians standing there.

"Lloyd Irving! Come forth!" a Desian yelled.

Lloyd came forth, like the dumbass he is. Cute, but a dumbass.

Forcystus came forward and went into a long, boring introduction about himself, which Lloyd ignored by staring at his arm/gun-thing.

"Genis," he whispered. "What would you call that thing on his arm?"

"I'm not sure," Genis answered.

"Lloyd Irving! You, a human, have been found guilty of UPSETTING CONRAD THE GARDENER!" Forcystus yelled. As an afterthought, he added, "Oh, yeah, and let's not forget that you violated the non-aggression treaty by killing everyone with Queen Latifah."

The mayor stood in front of Lloyd, giving him a verbal ass-kicking. "What have you done? Haven't you been told enough times not to go to the ranch?"

Lloyd stared dumbly at him for a moment, before finally twitching a little bit and blurting it out. "Okay, let's get this straight. Is that thing on your head your hair, or is it a hat? Because I really can't figure it out. I mean, it blends in with the rest of your hair, but I've never seen such a gay hairstyle, ever. What the hell is it?"

Suddenly, a giant green globular monster thing that was, for some unknown reason, wearing a dress appeared out of nowhere and threw the Mayor halfway across town. The crowd cheered.

A battle against the strange green monster ensued. Genis failed at helping Lloyd in any way, so he died a grand total of about six seconds into the battle. Lloyd picked up his body and tossed it at the monster as a distraction.

"That's it, go fetch the loser, good girl," he told it as the monster came back with Genis in its mouth, panting and jumping around. Then he stabbed it.

"YOU HAVE AN EXSPHERE!!!" Forcystus cried. "I want it!"

"I want a yacht and a racehorse. Guess we both lose," Lloyd told him.

The big green monster thing grabbed onto Forcystus' neck just in time to blow up.

"Genis…Lloyd…run away…get the Doritos…Genis…you were like a granddaughter to me…goodbye…"

"GODDAMMIT!" Genis screamed. He picked up a glowing stone that fell away from the exploding monster.

"Ew, don't pick that up, who knows where its been," Lloyd said, making a face.

As the Desians ran off, Forcystus said, "Lloyd, wherever you go, I will follow you. I want that Exsphere. And Conrad will follow you, too, to avenge his grass." A Desian dropped to the ground next to him and whispered something into his ear. "Whoops. As it turns out, Conrad ran off to join art school with Justin. So I guess he won't be following you. It'll just be me."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Genis screamed into the sky as the Desians fled.

"Calm down, dude!" Lloyd yelled, slapping him. "It's not that dramatic!"

"Lloyd, you're responsible for destroying our village," the Mayor yelled, coming back.

"Listen, you should really do something about those raging fires behind you," Lloyd advised him. "Because, otherwise, there won't be a village, just charred sticks."

"Don't tell me what to do!"

"Fine. Not my house that's on fire, so what do I care?" Lloyd shrugged. "I'm outta here."

He dragged Genis away by the hair, while the Mayor yelled after him. "Good! Because you're banished!"

"Mayor," a woman who sounded suspiciosly like Raine said, "he's just a retarded kid."

"Do you know how many people died because of him?" another guy, who sounded a lot like badly-disguised Lloyd said.

"Man, Namco really needs to get some more voice actors," Genis said as he and Lloyd left the village.

"Shut up, Genis. The next chapter is all about you and me traveling through a desert, so guess who gets abused?!" Lloyd cackled madly as Genis cried about his upcoming abuse.

Join us next week, when we come to the exciting conclusion of 'Everybody Hates Genis!' and introduce out new sitcom, 'Fangirls Love Kratos!' Save tuned!