Siren: More randomness!

Muse: Can I pick someone to do the disclaimer for this chapter?

Siren: Go ahead, Muse.

(poof) Sheena: Wha? Why am I here?

Muse: Because...(drools)

Sheena: Are you staring at my boobs?! Perv!

Siren: Disclaimer, Sheena!

Sheena: Sirens & Muses don't own ToS, its characters, or anything else mentioned in this fic. (slaps Muse) Stop that!

Muse: (drools)

Siren: Review, please!!

When we last left our 'heroes' (and the authors use that term loosely) Lloyd and Genis were traveling through the Triet Desert. Genis was crawling in the sand behind Lloyd, who was walking in front of him, holding out a bottle of water inches away from his grasp.

"Come on, boy, you gotta beg for it. Come on," Lloyd taunted. "You know you want it." Genis collapsed from dehydration. Lloyd shrugged and chugged the water. "Man, it's hot here. Any idea why, Genis?"

Genis didn't answer, as he was too busy having his eyes pecked out by vultures. "I didn't think you'd have much of an opinion," Lloyd said, grabbing his arm and dragging his friend, vultures and all, to the city up ahead. Once there, they saw that there were four Desians hanging around.

"We're looking for this dude," one said, pointing to a wanted poster with a picture of a bald man with three eyes, a beanie cap, a spork growing out of his chin, and six distinct piercings.

"That's the guy you're looking for?" another Desian asked doubtfully.

"Yep! His name's Lloyd Irving."

"Is that seriously what he looks like?"

"Up-of corpse!" a third Desian said, slurring. "I draweded it mahself." He stumbled towards the inn, put the poster up, and collapsed, muttering for the bartender to bring him another drink.

"We need to hurry up and find Colette!" Genis shrieked, tears of terror running down his face.

"AH! CREEPER!" Lloyd beat Genis unconscious with a bag of cashews.

"Why a bag of cashews?!" Genis screamed as he fell to the ground.

After reviving Genis, sleeping for a while, buying supplies, and making a drug deal with 'The Dark Knight', a man in a black cape who insisted that he was not selling pot, but rather, he was selling 'justice leaves', the two boys went up to a Colette-shaped hole.

"Check it out, dudes!" a random dude said. "This is the shape of the Chosen of Reg-"

"Genis! Look! Cookies!" Lloyd squealed, chasing after an imaginary cookie vender named Jordan.

"What the hell?" Genis ran after Lloyd, yelling, "I told you to get off the pot!"

The intense chase of Jordan ended when she ran into the bushes, proclaiming, "I'll be back!"

"No! I can't let her get away!" He grabbed Genis. "She's my mortal enemy!"

"Hey, why don't we just…go into the fortune teller's tent?" he answered, gently leading Lloyd into said tent.

"Welcome to the House…OF FORTUNE!" the fortune teller said dramatically as they entered. "What would you like me to…DIVINE FOR YOU?!"

"Uh…can you tell us where Colette-er, the Chosen is?" Lloyd asked.

"Of…COURSE!" The fortune teller rubbed her temples and made strange moans and groans. Lloyd and Genis gave each other worried looks.

"You owe me…MONEY!" she said finally, taking their money.

"Okay, so where is she?" Lloyd asked impatiently.

"I am having…A VISION!"

"Listen, you're gonna have to stop that," Lloyd said.

"I can…SEE HER!" the fortune teller said, ignoring Lloyd's words. "She is headed for…THE CITY THAT IS SAID TO HAVE BEEN DESTROYED WHEN EFREET WENT OUT OF CONTROL!"

"Really?" Genis asked excitedly.

"The Chosen's companion…THE HOT RED-HEADED MAN SAID SO!"

"Listen, just between you and me," Lloyd said, "Am I hotter?"

"No, you are…NOT!"

"Hey," Genis said suddenly. "You're a fake! You cheated us out of our money!"

Genis tried to kill her, but the best he could do was to smack her with the dumb ball-in-a-cup thing he calls a weapon. She laughed at him. He cried.

"Lloyd, kill her for me!" he whined. Lloyd sighed.

"Fine, but you're not getting any cookies." He stabbed the fortune teller repeatedly while Genis stole all her money. They then proceeded to leave, because burglary/homicide is a felony. They had just reached the exit to town when there came a shout.

"NO, I WANT THE POLKA DOTTED ANAL PROBE!"

"What the hell?" Lloyd and Genis turned around just in time for Lloyd to be zapped with purple electricity.

As he fell to the ground, two Desians/Renegades approached them. Genis then started doing what he does best: crying like a baby with a wet diaper.

The Renegades/Desians brought Lloyd and Genis to the base in the middle of the desert. Once there, Genis cried, sobbed, bawled, yowled, whimpered, wailed, bemoaned, wept, lamented, sniveled, boohooed, blubbered, and shed tears.

"Oh, my god, shut up!" one of the Desians/Renegades shouted at him. "We'll let you go, just shut the hell up!"

"Are you sure that's okay?" the other asked.

"Of course," he replied. "What can a tiny little girl do?"

"THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THE AUTHORS RIPPING ON MY GENDER!" Genis pulled a Guns 'n' Roses CD out of his pocket and proceeded to maim, incapacitate, torture, kill, and hide the bodies of the Desians/Renegades with it.

"Whine!" Noishe called out to Genis.

"Noishe!" Genis shouted. "Good boy, let's go save Lloyd together!"

"Whiiiine," Noishe answered.

MEANWHILE, IN THE RENEGADE BASE…

Lloyd woke up just as the guards outside his cell began to tell bad puns from Laffy Taffy wrappers.

"Okay, okay, here's another one," said one guard, holding back giggles. "Why did the man take a hammer to his bed?"

"Why?"

"Because he wanted to hit the sack!"

Both guards laughed uproariously as Lloyd groaned. "God, that was bad. Hey, authors?" he called up to the heavens. "Is it all right if I kill these guys?"

There was no answer, so Lloyd took that as a yes. "Feel the power of my Sorcerer's Ri-"

Suddenly, the three random British kids from chapter two?-no, sorry, chapter three- busted down the wall behind the guards.

"Did you just say the-?"

"NO! GET BACK TO YOUR OVERRATED MOVIES AND BOOKS!" Lloyd screamed. The random kids moped away as the guards stared at them in utter confusion.

"As I was saying, feel the power of my Sorcerer's Ring!" Lloyd shot a tiny fireball at them, which…did nothing at all. The guards laughed hysterically.

"Oh, look out for the wittle fiwaball. It might buwn us."

Lloyd was just about to shoot at them again when Adam Sandler busted through the same wall as the British kids and beat their faces in with a Pepsi can.

"Whoa! Awesome!" Lloyd jumped up and down as the comedian/actor unlocked his cell. "Where did you come from?"

Adam laughed. "Why, I'm just a figment of your imagination, Lloyd. You shouldn't have smoked all that pot."

"So…can I leave?"

Adam laughed as he disintegrated into nothingness. Lloyd shook his head. "Hoo. I need some Advil and a cup of coffee."

On that note, Lloyd got his equipment and walked down a hall, straight into a Desian/Renegade who appeared out of nowhere.

"Who the hell are you?!"

"Uh…"Lloyd looked around shiftily. "I'm…Diego?"

"OOH!" the guard squealed. "Aren't you Dora's cousin?"

"Sure, let's go with that."

"My daughter loves Dora. Could you get me her number?"

Lloyd said the first number he could think of. "903-5768."

"Awesome!" While the guard was writing down the number, Lloyd snuck past him and into the next room.

Two more guards walked in from another door. "SHIT! We lost the kid in red!"

"We're so fucked! Our boss has that huge sword-thing…"

"And he can shoot purple lighting out of his hand…"

As the guards babbled on about their boss, Lloyd hid. The guards searched for him, and did a very poor job of it, as all Lloyd did to hide himself was put on a fake mustache.

"Hey, you, mustachioed man!" one called. "Have you seen a kid around who looks just like you without a mustache?"

"I haven't seen anyone," he said in a falsetto voice. "I'll keep my eyes peeled."

"I'm sorry, whenever anyone says that, I always think of stabbing someone's eye with a potato peeler."

"I'd get some therapy if I were you," Lloyd said in his falsetto voice.

"Good advice," the other said. "Okay, let's go through this door here."

"It's such a pain in the ass to open the door by punching in the phone number 867-5309, shouting 'Wilson', and feeding a Baby Ruth to Sloth." The guard glanced over at Lloyd. "Hey, Mr. Mustache, did you hear any of that?"

"Of course not. Deaf as a pomegranate. Can't hear a word you're saying."

"Well, that's good." The guards opened the door and left.

Lloyd walked over and unlocked the door. After doing so, he found himself in…another room.

"Jesus, how many rooms does this place have?" He looked over and saw a Gamecube in the middle of a hole in the floor. "What the hell? What's this piece of shit?! Super Nintendo was soooooooo much better!"

While the Gamecube cried, Lloyd began to try to figure out how to open the door.

"Let's see. A delicate piece of equipment…I'll probably have to be very careful." He then proceeded to smash the control panel. He stabbed it, Demon Fang'd it, slashed it, and finally managed to open the door.

"I am amazing," he said to himself. As he walked through the hallway, he saw more guards.

"Uh…uh…THIS LOOKS LIKE A SAFE PLACE TO HIDE!" He dashed into a random room. Inside, he saw…

"GASP!" Lloyd gasped.

What is in the room? Why is Lloyd so freaked out by it? Is Britney Spears secretly a man? Weren't there supposed to be Kratos fangirls in this chapter? Did the authors lie to you? Check out next week's exciting chapter, where we reveal the answers to these questions…and more.