Siren: (smacks head, mumbling to herself)

Muse: She's trying to find a way to incorporate a Twilight joke in here.

Siren: I WILL FIND A WAY!

Muse: Gotcha. So, on with the story. Disclaimer: Sirens & Muses don't own ToS. If we did, Regal and Genis would've been eaten by a bear, the sequel would be way better, and you would actually see Anna's face.

Siren: I HAVE IT! Quick, Muse, who's your least favorite Desian?

Muse: Uh...Magnius?

Siren: Really? I'd have pegged you for a Rodyle guy. Anyway, I have a Twilight joke!

Muse: Please review.

Last time, on Tales of Satirical Losers…

"GASP!" Lloyd gasped.

Horrified screams came from inside the room. There were sights that would haunt Lloyd's memory forever and plague him with nightmares. Burned into his brain was the terrifying imagery of experiencing something you simply want to forget. Awful feelings arouse in his heart; depression overcame him like an icy wave of- You know what? I'm done now.

Inside the room, there was a stage, with bright, colorful lights shining down. In front of said stage were Colette and a random dark-haired girl, both of whom were laughing and yelling, "Take it off!" and shoving money into the underwear of Yuan and Kratos. Who were both on the stage, stripping to the song, 'Sexyback'. Against their will.

"What the hell?!" Lloyd screamed. Then he ran towards a bucket that was randomly sitting there and vomited.

"DANCE, PUPPETS!" The random girl yelled sadistically. "DANCE!"

Suddenly, there was the sound of a record scratching. A voice from above called out.

"SIREN! Does this look like a self-insert to you?!"

"You're Siren?!" Kratos yelled, still being forced to strip. "You're the author?!"

"One of them!" the voice corrected. "Siren, get back up here!"

Grumbling, Siren vanished in a puff of smoke. "Bye!" Colette yelled. "Let's do this again sometime!"

Yuan and Kratos began gathering their clothing and re-dressing while Lloyd stopped vomiting and Colette grudgingly left to bring in Genis and Raine.

"Ah, haha, listen," Yuan said awkwardly, scratching his head. "Lloyd, Kratos…how about we never speak about this again?"

"I will never make eye contact with you guys again," Lloyd mumbled.

"Let's pretend this never happened," Yuan said. "How about you just fight my toadie and we'll get on with the story."

Kratos was crouching in terror, nervously glancing up at the sky, waiting for Siren's next horror. "…Please."

Colette, Genis, and Raine all came into the room just as Yuan left and Botta entered.

The fight against Botta ensued. Genis tried to cast fireball, but he missed and hit Lloyd instead, who was engulfed in the fire. In an effort to put the fire out, Colette ran up with what she thought was a glass of water, but turned out to be vodka. The pair immediately burst into flames, while Genis cried over his bad aim.

Kratos sighed and kicked everyone's asses. Everyone's. Lloyd, Genis, Botta, Colette, Raine, the random Renegades, Nate the Creeper, Candy, Jordan, Justin, Conrad, Dirk, the Mayor, Yuan, Mithos-

"I'M STILL ON FIRE!" Lloyd screamed.

Kratos sighed and stomped on Lloyd until the flames were gone. "Let's go," he muttered, dragging his group out.

Once they were outside and magically healed, Raine held up Botta's weapon. "Hey, is this ugly-ass thing an Exsphere?"

"Yeah," Kratos answered.

"How do they work?"

"You're the bitchy teacher, you figure it out!"

"…Thanks, Kratos. I appreciate the help."

Once back in Triet, they decided to go to the inn, where Raine began to ooze hearts from the top of her head.

"Can I use an Exsphere, too?" she asked excitedly.

"Well-" Lloyd began.

"That would be difficult," Kratos cut in. "Exspheres without a Key Crest are known to cause swine flu."

"Is there a Key Crest in here?" Raine asked, dumping out a bag of random shit onto the bed.

"A crown…a rock…a bloody knife…six shrunken heads…what's this?" Lloyd asked, picking up a brown package. Raine snatched it away.

"It's just a memento of one of my ex boyfriends," Raine said, hiding the package behind her back. "He cheated on me, so I may have…cut off a certain part of his body…"

Lloyd and Kratos both took a step back. A BIG step back. Kratos pointed to a glowing red thing.

"That's a Key Crest. But it's messed up. Would you mind putting that knife away?"

"Professor, I'll fix it!" Lloyd said triumphantly.

"Thank you!" Raine said as she packed up the rest of her things, much to the relief of everyone else in the room.

Later that night, after Lloyd had finished the Key Crest, he headed for Raine's room. However, he got sidetracked by voices in Colette's room. He cracked the door and peeked inside.

"Who's a pretty dolly?" Colette was at the mirror, applying lipstick all over her face. "That's right, you're a pretty dolly, and everyone loves you…good dolly, pretty dolly..."

Lloyd snuck away from her room, thoroughly freaked out, and proceeded to Raine and Genis' room.

"Hi, Professor, I fixed your Key Crest!" Lloyd stopped. "Uh…what are you doing?"

"Oh, just…stuff," she said, hastily hiding a bag of crack and wiping her nose off.

"…Okay. Whatever." He wondered over to Genis. "Let's see…what to do, what to do…oh, I know!"

He pulled an M-80 out of his pocket and tangled it in Genis' hair. "Ha!" he said triumphantly. "Let's see what happens at the Seal of Fire tomorrow!" He gave an evil laugh, then ran out of the room.

"Hey," he asked, seeing Kratos leaving. "Where's he going?" Lloyd paused to think about it. "Oh, I see. Kratos is secretly taking night bartending classes to pay for his porn habit, which started because when he worked as a male escort, that's all his roommate had to read." He smacked his forehead. "Duh! Why didn't I see it before?" He followed Kratos out.

Outside, instead of seeing fabulous bartending tricks being done by Kratos, Lloyd saw the older man talking to Noishe. He snuck up behind him.

"Stabby rip stab stab!" Kratos yelled, stabbing, ripping, and stabbing Lloyd. "Oh, it's you. Sorry 'bout that."

"Um, listen, my spleen is on the end of your sword…can I have it back?"

"No. I'm going to bronze it and put in on my mantle, next to your baby shoes."

"Why do you have my baby shoes bronzed and on your mantle?"

"Uh…" Kratos looked around shiftily for a distraction. "Oh, look! Noishe wants to say hello!"

"Oh, yeah, I forgot about him." Lloyd stood next to Kratos. "Say, do you like animals?"

"No," Kratos answered. "As a child, I lit bunnies on fire, though."

"Oh. That's creepy. Noishe seems to like you, though."

"I had a pet once, long ago," Kratos said randomly. "He looked suspiciously like Noishe, was the same species, and had the same name. I lost him at the same time I lost my son, who looks suspiciously like you and has the same name." He glanced over to see that Lloyd had fallen asleep. "Hey, dumbass, wake up!" he said, stabbing Lloyd again.

"Huh?!" Lloyd looked around wildly. "Why are you staring at me?"

"You suck at life," Kratos said, walking away.

"Gotcha…" Lloyd rubbed his eyes. "Man, I hate that dude. I hope there isn't a huge plot twist where I turn out to be his son or anything like that." He glanced around. "Hey, are the authors gonna end this chapter soon? I'm tired."

Yes. Yes, they are.