Siren: Good afternoon, people!

(Cricket chriping)

Siren: That's cliche. And I live in a city. There are no crickets here.

(Tire squeal and police sirens)

Siren: That's better. Anyway, Muse is on vacation. At Cedar Point. Lucky bastard gets to ride roller coasters. So, disclaimer!

(poof) Presea: What?

Siren: (squeal) You are my favorite girl character in ToS.

Presea: Uh...great?

Siren: Say the disclaimer!

Presea: Sirens & Muses don't own ToS.

Siren: Review!

The next morning, Lloyd awoke to find no one around. Panicking, he ran outside.

Kratos, Raine, Genis, and Colette were just leaving the city when Lloyd ran up to them.

"Hey, where are you guys going?"

The entire party glanced around shiftily. "Uh, to buy a Weird Al CD?" Genis suggested.

Lloyd frowned. "Without me? But I love Weird Al!"

Colette interjected. "But, um, we were buying it for you as an Easter present!"

"It's AUGUST, Colette."

"Which we didn't realize until we were halfway there," Raine said quickly. "So here we are, heading for the inn to wake you up!"

Lloyd rolled his eyes. "I may be borderline retarded, but I'm not that dumb. I don't buy that story for a minute. Kratos, what really happened?"

Kratos shrugged. "I'm not going to lie to you. We were ditching you when you conveniently woke up and found us leaving."

Lloyd began to cry. Kratos kicked him in the crotch. "THERE IS NO CRYING IN BASEBALL!"

With that random scene over, the group continued through the desert. It was an incredible adventure filled with danger, romance, and drama. Lloyd revealed that he slept with his twin brother's girlfriend's roommate's twin sister; Kratos fell into a coma after rescuing seventeen orphaned children and their blind bus driver from a burning school bus; Genis finally came out of the closet by buying a gay pride T-shirt and meeting a horny nineteen year old on a bondage website; and Colette tried to kill herself when she learned who Lloyd had slept with, because she was Lloyd's twin brother's girlfriend's roommate's twin sister's wanna-be emo lesbian lover.

However, no one really cares about 'Tales of Days of Our Lives', so we'll skip ahead to the Fire Seal.

At the entrance to the Seal, Lloyd groaned. "Man, it's hot."

Kratos slapped him. "Dumbass. It's a seal of fire. In the middle of a desert. What did you think it would be?"

"A chicken wing," Lloyd answered. Kratos stared at him before sighing and turning away.

"Noishe just appeared out of nowhere. And ran away again," Raine said.

"There are enemies about. They are going to attack…" Kratos checked a random watch. "…NOW!"

Lloyd snorted. "Yeah, Kratos, because you can predict the fut-AHHHHHH!"
A random floating ball of fire rock swooped down at Lloyd, lighting him on fire once again. Kratos pointed and laughed cruelly, then pulled out a marshmallow on a stick to roast over Lloyd. Raine cast first aid at Lloyd, which successfully wasted eight TP. Genis, determined not to screw up again, screwed up again by casting fireball. Colette was taken out of the group because…well, we can only have four people, and battles are more fun with Genis abuse in them.

Once Lloyd had ceased being a fantastic heat source for the group, he and Kratos kicked the rocks' asses. Or, rather, bottom hemispheres.

"We did it!" Genis cried. Lloyd and Kratos both stabbed him.

"YOU DID NOTHING!" Kratos roared. He cleared his throat. "Oh, and by the way, you guys suck so bad, I'm going to teach you how to produce a green ball of awesomeness. You guys need to learn to protect yourselves, because I am NOT saving your asses every time we fight someone." He somehow taught them a technique by making a pop-up speech bubble appear out of thin air.

"Uh…okay!" Lloyd yelled, swaying back and forth. "I feel stronger!"

"Hey, is this the seal? It has my family's crest on it," Colette said.

Everyone crowded around, checking the seal. It depicted a horseshoe, a whip, a tooth, and a monkey, all surrounding a bra.

"Oh! Look!" Raine squealed. "Rocks! On the ground!"

"That's…great, Professor," Colette said with fake interest.

Under the mistaken assumption that Colette actually cared, Raine continued. "Just feel the smooth texture! It's polycarbonate!"

"Isn't that just plastic?" Kratos questioned.

Raine ignored him. "Yes, it IS amazingly sexy!"

"Sexy?" everyone asked in confusion.

She wondered over to the stone pedestal. "Hmm, it says 'oracle stone'…"

"Oh, thanks," Kratos said. "Because, you know, without you here, we'd never be able read such a big word."

"Or-ora-orayclee stuhoonee." Lloyd grinned proudly. "I did it!"

"Put your hand here, Colette." Raine pointed.

Colette did as she was told. A random slab of rock revealed a staircase. Colette grinned. "Wow! I guess I really am the Chosen!"

"Why the hell would you think you weren't?" Genis asked. Before Colette could explain, Lloyd pointed to the staircase.

"Alright, let's move! I'm getting excited already!"

"The way you say that, it sounds like you've got a hot girl in your bed," Kratos said, rolling his eyes.

Lloyd's mind then did a remarkable thing. It thunk. From that sentence, he somehow said, "He's almost seventy." Here's how:

Hot girl = Taylor Swift.

Taylor Swift = Country music.

Country music = Achy Breaky Heart

Achy Breaky Heart = Billy Ray Cyrus

Billy Ray Cyrus = Miley Cyrus

Miley Cyrus = Hannah Montana

Hannah Montana = I hate her guts

I hate her guts = Chuck Norris should kill her

Chuck Norris should kill her = Chuck Norris is almost seventy.

However, no one else could hear his inner thoughts, so what they heard was:

"The way you say that, it sounds like you've got a hot girl in your bed," Kratos said, rolling his eyes.

"He's almost seventy," Lloyd said, staring into space.

After a brief awkward silence, everyone decided it would be a good idea to go inside the Seal. They went through it, solved a bunch of fairly easy riddles, and reached an altar room. Where the altar erupted.

"What the fuck?!" Genis screamed, running for the nearest corner. Kratos dragged him back.

"ROAR!" the Ktugach roared.

"We're gonna kill you, uh, Ku-no, wait, Ta-? Kratos, how do you pronounce that name?"

Kratos shrugged. "I dunno."

Lloyd turned back towards the Ktugach. "Fine. Your name is now Edmundo Leimberger. Got that?"

The Ktugach roared again and attacked. Genis was trying to cast icicle when a spurt of fire hit his hair. There was a loud 'pop' and suddenly, Genis' head was engulfed in flames.

"Sweet!" Lloyd cheered. "That M-80 worked!"

Colette started to throw her Frisbees at the Ktugach, but was distracted by a piece of tinfoil that was thrown through the air. "Ooh, pretty…"

Kratos sighed and ran towards the Ktugach, planning to kick its ass, but Lloyd shoved him aside.

"My turn to kill it!" he whined. Kratos shoved him back.

"No. You will screw it up."

The two swordsmen then proceeded to get into a shove-fight, which ended with Lloyd being speared on the end of Kratos' sword. Again.

Grumbling, Kratos beat the Ktugach. "Blame your fate."

Lloyd shoved him. "What if I don't wanna blame my fate, huh? What if I wanna blame you for all of my problems?"

"Shut up, Lloyd."

Suddenly, steam appeared from nowhere and hovered around them. A voice called down.

"Chosen One, offer your prayers at the altar."

Colette, who was still busy staring at the tinfoil, was booted forward by Kratos.

"Huh?" She looked around, confused as to how she'd gotten there.

"Pray to the Goddess!" Kratos hissed.

"Oh, right!" she exclaimed, smacking her head. "I forgot that I'm supposed to be saving the world." She kneeled by the altar.

"Oh, Goddess Martel, we all love you, and shit!"

After a few seconds of silence, the voice spoke again. "Close enough."

Remiel descended from the heavens, in his normal sleazeball fashion.

"Colette, my daughter, you have done well, my daughter, in reaching thus far, my daughter."

"Yeah, you're not overcompensating at all, are you?" Kratos mumbled to himself.

"You say something?" Lloyd asked him.

"Nope. Silent as a Milky Way."

"The first Seal has blah, blah, blah, blah," Remiel blahed on in his obnoxious voice of obnoxiousness.

Colette's eyes continually wondered over to where the ball of tinfoil was still lying. She was thinking of all the fun things she could do with it: stare at it, talk to it, braid its hair, go on an internet chat room and trick perverted old guys with it…

"We of Cruxis grant you the power of the angels!"

A tone-deaf chorus of angels began to vocalize as Colette spontaneously sprouted wings.

"Oh, cool!" Lloyd squealed. "TINFOIL!"

He leapt of the ball of shiny metal at the same time Colette did.

"MY SHINY!" she screamed as the two teens fought over it.

"Uh, I await you at the next seal, my daughter, Colette," Remiel said, leaving again.

Suddenly, Lloyd realized something. "Colette has wings!"

Everyone stared at him in awe of his idiocy, except for Colette, who was now stroking the tinfoil.

"There, there," she whispered. "You friend is here. That's right, I'm your only friend, and no one else can take you away…I love you, Shiny."

"Um…let's just go," Kratos said.

The group left the fire seal, but when they reached the exit, Colette collapsed. They continued on until they got halfway to Triet, when they realized they'd forgotten a main plot point. So they went back. Colette was lying on the ground, vomiting and twitching.

Raine sighed. "Well, I guess I better heal her."

Kratos yawned. "I'll set up camp so that we can stare into a fire for a while. Yeah, that seems like a good idea."

So, while Raine was healing Colette, Kratos was trying, and failing, to set up a tent, Genis was crying about a splinter, and Lloyd was trying to figure out how to chase his own tail, this chapter ended.