Siren: Oh my God, we're actually updating in the middle of the day.

Muse: It's the end of the world as we know it.

Siren: So, how about we got snowed in. No joke, we have 38 inches of snow outside our houses for one snowstorm. School's been canceled for, like, a week straight.

Muse: Disclaimer!

(poof) Cloud Strife: Sirens & Muses don't own ToS, FFVII, or anything else mentioned in this fic.

Siren: Now can I?

Muse: (sighs) Fine.

Siren:Yay! (glomps Cloud)

Cloud: Ah! Get her off me!

Siren: I love you! Review, please! (drags Cloud away)

We rejoin our heroes right after a scene reminiscent of the Mario castle-blow up scene. They then decided to head up to the Thoda Geyser.

"What do you mean, we have to pay?" Lloyd said angrily. "We're trying to save the world, and you guys are going to charge us?"

"Hey, the economy's pretty tight," the girl at the desk said. "It's not like we can just print more gald."

"Fine," Lloyd grumbled, shelling out the money.

Out on the dock, the group realizes that the boats are actually washtubs with the word 'boat' scribbled on the side with crayon.

"Well, this goes against several safety regulations," Lloyd said.

"THE WATER! IT BURNS!" Raine screamed.

"Suck it up, bitch," Colette said.

After chasing Raine down and knocking her out with an oar, they all managed to fit into one washtub. Don't ask how it works, it's the same in every RPG ever made.

"I'm on a boat. I'm on a boat. Everybody look at me, cause I'm sailing on a boat," Lloyd sang.

"We're not on a boat," Genis reminded him. Lloyd chucked him overboard.

"I'm on a washtub. I'm on a washtub. Everybody look at me, cause I'm sailing on a washtub." Lloyd pointed at Kratos. "Sing the T-Pain part, Kratos!"

"No."

"Come on," Lloyd whined. "All you have to say is 'Shawty' and a couple of random swearwords."

"Lloyd, do I look black?" Kratos asked.

"Well, now that you mention it," Lloyd said, squinting, "Yeah, I can kind of imagine it."

"You know what's weird? I don't think I've seen a black person in this entire game," Colette said as Kratos stabbed Lloyd repeatedly for imagining him as T-Pain. "I think Namco's racist."

"Everyone's a little bit racist," Genis said, somehow still on the boat despite being thrown overboard. "Alright!"

"Alright!" Colette said.

"Alright!" Lloyd said.

"Alright!" Genis repeated. "Bigotry has never been exclusively white."

"If we all could just admit, that we are racist a little bit," Colette sang.

"The internet is for porn!" Lloyd sang.

"Wrong song, dumbass," Kratos said, shoving him overboard. Then, for good measure and a laugh, he shoved Genis over again.

They reached Thoda Island just in time to prevent more bad singing. Once there, they marveled at the geyser, did some typical bad Namco foreshadowing, this time by Colette, and skipped over a side quest that would've been important in any other scenario of the game.

"Look, an oracle stone!" Raine cried. "Colette's obvious foreshadowing was correct!"

They went inside the…mountain? Cliff? Whatever. Seal of Water. As they went up, the only person in the crowd to notice that a bunch of rocks had fallen down, revealing an entrance and mystical bridge to said entrance just so happened to be everyone's favorite large-chested assassin, Sheena!

As the ninja assassin ran for the bridge, Noishe blocked the way. Sheena was unable to pass, despite the fact that Noishe is about as terrifying as a perfume bottle.

"Grr! I'll get you next time, my pretty," she said. "And your little dog, too!"

Inside the seal, Kratos stopped and stared into space, while everyone except Lloyd moved on.

"What's wrong, Kratos?" he asked. "Are your Spidey Senses tingling?"

"No, Lloyd, I'm not Spiderman," the eye candy said. "It looks like that girl didn't make it inside."

"What girl?" Lloyd asked.

"The one who's trying to kill us."

"…Kill who?"

Kratos sighed. "The one with the boobs, Lloyd. The one with the boobs."

"Oh, her!" he said, drooling. "I'm surprised I didn't notice her."

"Well, you're a dumbass, so it's kind of expected of you," Kratos said. "In fact, the group has a pool going on how you're going to die on this journey. My money's on you getting stoned, thinking you can fly, and leaping off a cliff."

"You mean I can't fly?" Lloyd asked. "And sorry I'm not as perfect as you."

"I'm not perfect," Emo!Kratos said. "Even I make mistakes. I made a terrible one…"

"Hey, Moron and Emo Man!" Raine called. "Stop being dumb, and get your asses over here! Genis is being eaten by a starfish, and you just gotta see it!"

"AHHHHH! HELP ME, SOMEBODY, PLEASE!!" Genis screamed.

"No one will help you, Genis!" Lloyd yelled. "Everyone hates you!"

After wondering around the seal of water and dying about four times, the group finally figured out the puzzle.

"Finally," Lloyd said. "I thought that wolf was going to tear me to shreds."

"Lloyd, that wasn't a wolf," Kratos said. "It was a squid."

"Same species," Lloyd said.

An evil water monster came down upon them. Genis screamed and hid behind Kratos, who immediately tossed him directly at the monster. Lloyd began singing the Sailor Moon theme song as he attempted to kick the boss monsters' collective asses.

"Fighting evil by moonlight, finding love by daylight, never running from a real fight, she is the one called Sailor Moon-Ow!" Lloyd was pummeled by the monsters.

After a few seconds for Lloyd to heal his wounds, he and Kratos continued with the monster-ass kicking. Colette hung back, watching as everyone else fought her battle for her.

After the monster was killed, Colette kneeled at the alter. "Oh, Goddess Martel, grant me thy strength! Oh, and while you're at it, can you bring some Cheese Doodles down? I'm getting kinda hungry…"

Remiel floated down. "You have done well, Chosen One."

"Thank you, Father," Colette said.

"…" Remiel …'d "Go to the next seal, my daughter."

"What's with the shitty attitude?" Colette demanded. "Do you have a problem?"

"It doesn't matter. Just hurry your ass up and save the world." Remiel disappeared.

"What a dickwad," Genis said. Raine slapped him.

"You were a mistake, Genis! You were the result of a failing marriage and a lot of wine! Apologize to Colette!" she said.

"It's okay," Colette said. "Pretty much everyone in this game is a dickwad."

"Stop complaining and let's get the fuck out of here," Kratos said.

"And you're biggest dickwad of them all," Genis said. This was probably the first thing he'd said that didn't result in some form of Genis-abuse.

While no one disagreed with this fact, the group headed out of the Seal of Water. After about forty seconds outside, though, Colette collapsed. Again.

"Hey," Lloyd said, kicking her gently. "I think she's dead."

"She's not dead," Raine said. "She's just sick. I'm going to call the disease Angel Toxicosis."

"Because that'll help," Lloyd said. "I named my pet hyena Melrose, but that didn't stop her from eating sixteen Iselia villagers, did it?"

"Actually, I'm not sick," Colette said. "I'm just a little drunk. I found Kratos' stash of booze in his bag."

Kratos gasped. "My Jack Daniels! That's the only thing that keeps me emo and depressed!"

"It also makes you a dickwad," Lloyd pointed out.

"But it's the reason I have fangirls!"

So, while Kratos tries to find some more whiskey, Lloyd tries, and fails, to set up camp, Genis tries to figure out if Sailor Pluto is still considered a Sailor, Colette tries not to pass out, and Raine tries to find out the easiest way to kill a twelve-year-old femboy without getting caught, the authors ended the chapter.