Disclaimer: I don't own CCS, Clamp does. But I do own this story.

Chapter Seven

"Grief"

"Boys? What are you doing?"

Grinning at her, Xiao Tian and Xiao Hai revealed the chocolate that was covering both their sets of teeth.

"And where did you get that?" Sakura asked with a raised brow.

"Syaoran bought a bar of chocolate each for us…"

"…it really is tasty, do you want some mom?"

Shaking her head, she smiled hopelessly at them, trying not to giggle at the state they were in. Both boys had so much chocolate on their faces, it was a wonder they even got to eat any of it.

"Now, now, you can finish that tomorrow. You two clean up and brush your teeth. No more sweets for today," she said in a firm tone although still smiling.

The twin boys saluted before jumping off the chairs from the dining table and dashing to the bathroom.

Sakura looked around and found their guest not in the kitchen with them. Walking back into the living room, she found him. And her breath was caught.

She never took notice of him the other day due to her mental turmoil and neither did she notice him earlier due to the large packages they had to haul and the exhaustion that came after it, but it was only now that she actually looked at him.

He really looked nothing like he did five years ago. He's grown taller, she would probably stand at the height of his now broad shoulders. His complexion was slightly tanned, his entire build has certainly been developed over the past years and it can be proven with his muscular arms and- although he was sitting down –flat stomach.

Snapping out of it, Sakura shook her head and spoke from the doorway.

"I'm sorry about the interruption earlier," she said unsurely.

Syaoran also shook his head from his thoughts before turning towards her. He has decided. He wants answers, and he wants them today. Now.

"I'm happy to hear you're still fond of singing," he pointed out bluntly.

As soon as the words left his lips, Sakura looked down, her face already red from embarrassment and guilt. He heard her. And the song.

Eyeing her carefully, Syaoran walked over to her and stopped right in front of her.

"We have a lot to talk about Sakura," he said in a serious tone.

Sakura breathed in and out a couple of times before finally raising her gaze towards him. "W-What about?"

Just as she said this, Sakura found herself pinned to the wall behind her.

"Don't play dumb with me Sakura," Syaoran hissed, his face close to hers. "I heard you sing to that brat of yours. That was the poem I wrote for you five years ago," he said almost achingly but still sounding very bitter. "At first I assumed you got amnesia or something when you acted like we only just met for the first time at the theme park. But that's an impossibility now in this case. Now talk!"

After a short pause, Sakura nodded. "I-I remember everything."

"Then why the hell did you pretend like you didn't know me?"

"I…I don't know," she confessed honestly, her eyes starting to water for the second time that night.

Cursing, Syaoran glared at her. "Then tell me this," he said in a deadly whisper. "Are Xiao Tian and Xiao Hai my sons?"

Sakura nodded yet again, this time, without saying another word.

His first conclusion was right.

"Is Mei Hua your youngest child?" he asked, trying to keep his cool.

Sakura nodded yet again.

"Did you r-" Syaoran stopped when a loud ringing came from his pants pocket.

Cursing loudly with a scowl on his handsome face, he took out his cell.

"What is it?" he barked, making Sakura jump. "Sorry, no…yeah…I'll be back in a while…yeah, don't worry…sure, bye." Pocketing his cell he turned back to Sakura. "Now what was I s-"

"Mom?"

Taking the opportunity, Sakura side stepped away from Syaoran and walked towards the doorway, poking her head through, just as the boys came running in.

"We're done cleaning up!" they both exclaimed, grinning up at her, showing them their now perfectly white teeth.

Sakura bent down to their level and rumpled their unruly hair. "Well done. Now, how about you boys get ready for bed? It's almost 8:30 in the evening already. Get changed into your pajamas and say your prayers. I'll be right in to sing you guys a song if you like."

The two nodded before turning to Syaoran.

"Thanks for today Syaoran…"

"…we really had a lot of fun!"

Syaoran bent to their level and hugged the two boys with a smile.

"I had fun too. I'll see you boys again next week alright? I'm sure your mother wouldn't mind. If your father were around, I'm sure he wouldn't have minded either," he said, now with an inconspicuous glare aimed at Sakura who saw it and now looked as guilty as ever.

"Can we really mom?" they asked when they let go of Syaoran.

Sakura glanced at Syaoran who was looking at her pointedly, daring her to say otherwise.

"O-Of course. Why not?" she replied, rumpling their hairs again and shooing them out of the living room.

After hearing their room door shut to a close, Syaoran began again.

"What happened to you five years ago?" he asked immediately, now already forgotten to ask if she had actually married that man from yesterday or not, like he intended to before they were interrupted by Erika's phone call.

Syaoran saw her stiffen the moment the question left his lips.

"What happened five years ago?" he asked yet again, seeing as she didn't look like she would answer any time soon.

"You know what happened five years ago," she said softly. "W-We both went our separate ways. That's pretty much it. Y-You just didn't know I was pregnant at the time that's all."

Still glaring hard at her, Syaoran could feel his patience snap, but he didn't show it. "Perhaps you didn't clearly understand my question," he said in unnerving calm. "I know what happened five years ago Sakura. I know you left without a word. And now I know you left without telling me that you were pregnant with my children. My main point here is, why?"

"I-I didn't know I was pregnant when I left you."

"Cut the bullshit Sakura!" he barked, now holding on to the sides of her arms in a firm grasp.

"Y-You're hurting me!" Sakura said, wincing at his touch, trying to get him to let go.

"If you answer me any sooner and any clearer, I'll make it less painful for you then!" he shouted, now getting even angrier.

"Mom? Syaoran?"

The two adults whipped their heads to the side at the new voices.

Xiao Tian and Xiao Hai watched them with a frowns on their faces, already dressed in their identical pajamas.

"What are you two doing?" Xiao Tian asked, eyeing Syaoran unsurely.

"Are you two okay?" Xiao Hai asked, looking at their mother.

Syaoran slowly let go of his hold on Sakura and took a deep breath in and out. He couldn't believe he actually lost his temper, and in front of his own sons too.

"Nothing, your mommy and I were just…playing," Syaoran finished lamely.

Thankfully enough, Sakura nodded with a smile on her face.

"Did we scare you?" she asked.

The boys shook their heads.

"We were just waiting for you…"

"…but then we heard loud voices. What were you talking about?"

"Nothing at all. Like what Syaoran said, we were just playing around. Sorry to worry you." Sakura turned to Syaoran, her face pleasant but he could see the hurt she felt in her glassy emerald eyes. "I think you better go. If you still plan to take the boys out next week, you can come at the same time next Saturday or Sunday," she said before walking out of the living room.

Smiling at the boys one last time and rumpling their hair, Syaoran followed her.

"Please don't ever act like that in front of the kids again," Sakura said in barely a whisper as she held on to the front door. She didn't know the kids were even their until they spoke, she didn't care if they were caught arguing, so long as they didn't hear what they were arguing about.

Syaoran looked at her and sighed irately. "I'm sorry about that," he said, really regretting that the boys saw their mother being held in that position by him. "But we still need to talk," he added in a more serious tone.

Sakura nodded. "I-I know."

With one final nod, Syaoran walked out the front door and out the gate.

Seeing his car drive past the gate, Sakura closed the door and latched it close. "I'm so sorry Syaoran…my little wolf," she whispered brokenly, her forehead on the door and tears now falling freely from her eyes.

"CUT!" the director shouted exasperatedly before rubbing his temples.

"Again!" Syaoran demanded, slightly panting.

Everyone looked at the director before turning to Syaoran with worried expressions on their faces. They've been at this scene all day. The fight scene for this movie was one of the most crucial and it had to be shot to perfection, but unfortunately Syaoran wasn't at the top of his game like he usually was.

In fact, this wasn't the first time. It's already Friday, and ever since they started shooting for the week on Monday, he's been out of it. Screwing up scenes and delaying their plans due to reshoots they had to constantly do.

"Are you sure you don't want a break Syaoran? We can take this again this afternoon," suggested the director, in a disappointed tone that he didn't bother covering up.

"No, let's do it again. Now!" Syaoran ordered, trying to keep his temper down.

He knew why he was acting like this. It was Sakura. Every day since he had that 'talk' with her, he hadn't felt right at all. The thought of her hiding the fact that they had children, two children! Two twin children! It infuriated him.

But it wasn't just that. Not by a long shot. Although he would never admit it, just remembering that little girl who looked the spitting image of her mother also pissed him off greatly. He knew he couldn't blame the child, but the thought of how she came to be was what made him hate the kid too.

Syaoran growled, just thinking of Sakura and that Shizuki guy having the time of their life banging away at each other and ending up having a daughter made his blood boil. He swore he would explode if he pondered on that thought. But he can't help it. Knowing she's been having her fun for the past five years and getting herself pregnant with another man while he's been working his ass off in movies and TV shows and locking his heart away ever since they broke up made him just want to punch something or someone, whatever was in closest range.

"Hey squirts!" Shizuki greeted with a grin when two identical faces opened the front door for him.

"Hey Shizuki! Come in!" Xiao Tian and Xiao Hai said before dashing back into the house and towards the living room.

Whistling to himself, Shizuki followed them and stopped by the doorway of where the kids were apparently playing with a mountain of new stuff.

"Wow!" he said, clearly surprised. "Did Sakura hit the jackpot or something?" he asked jokingly.

"I wish," Sakura replied from behind him, carrying a tray filled with snacks.

Shizuki grinned back at her as she placed the tray on the coffee table beside the kids. Xiao Tian and Xiao Hai were playing a video game, with Mei Hua holding on to a stuffed elephant cheering for them.

"You lost!" Xiao Tian exclaimed with a proud grin at his brother. "Your turn Mei Hua!"

Xiao Hai grumbled before handing the controller to his sister. "Make sure you beat him," he told her with a grin and wiggling his brows at her.

Mei Hua giggled and nodded.

Shizuki watched them with a smile on his face before following Sakura out the living room and into the kitchen.

"So, mind explaining how you managed to get all the new stuff?" he asked casually before sitting down at the dining table.

Sighing, Sakura ran her hand through her hair. "It was a gift."

"Mind elaborating on that?"

"It's a gift for Xiao Tian and Xiao Hai…from their dad," she said in a very regretful tone.

"The bastard who left you is back?" Shizuki asked with furrowed brows.

"H-He's not a bastard!" Sakura defended, making the man scowl slightly.

"Fine, the legitimate asshole who left you," he corrected indifferently.

Sakura can't help but smile at this but she shook her head regardless. "I told you before, it's not his fault. It was mine."

"Yeah but he still left," he pointed out. "It's still partly his fault."

"And I can't blame him."

Shizuki looked at the tired look on her face before waving her over to sit down beside him, which she did.

"Tell me what's wrong Sakura," he told her with a worried look on his face. He held her hand and looked at her straight in the eye, only when he did this did he notice how pale she looks. "You know you can trust me right?"

She smiled back a little smile at him and nodded.

"I know I can trust you, I've trusted you for the past five years haven't I? Heck, you're one of the few people I completely trust as much as I trust my own kids," she confessed. "But, well…this is something I have to deal with by myself. I got myself into this and I'd rather solve it by myself too. You get it right?"

Nodding, Shizuki smiled at her, albeit it was a small and unsure one. "Okay, but if you do need anything, anything at all, tell me alright?"

"But of course," she said, managing to grin back at him but Shizuki knew all too well it was fake.

"Syaoran?"

Syaoran looked away from the mirror of his dressing room at the main studio and turned to the door where Erika poked her head through.

"Yeah?"

"You don't mind me coming in right?"

"Of course not," he said, waving her over.

Erika walked over towards him and leaned her hip onto the side of the vanity's desk in front of him.

"Okay, tell me what's up?"

"The ceiling," he replied curtly with a serious look on his face albeit his joking remark.

Erika rolled her eyes at this and tipped his chin up to face her.

"Seriously, what's up? You haven't been yourself all week."

"I just have a lot on my mind that's all," he answered truthfully, which earned him a nod from her, urging him to go on. "It's a problem I'd rather face myself Erika."

She was disappointed at this and Syaoran saw it.

"Look, how about we have dinner tonight?" he suggested with a small smile, immediately brightening up her mood. "I did tell you I'd give us a chance after all," he added with a smirk.

The look on his face only made her grin. This was the Syaoran she knew and loved. Although his smirk was something that annoyed the hell out of her at times, it was still him and its one of the things that attracted her to him too.

"I'm glad you remembered," she replied with a wink.

'If Sakura's been having her own fun, there's no way I'm depriving myself anymore,' he thought with a vengeance. He's been thinking of what he'll do since he left Sakura's house last Sunday, and came to this conclusion. Sakura's been having the time of her life with that guy, so it's only right for him to do the same. He has his needs too. Although he's had sex with several- in fact, even more than he can count or even remember –women for the past few years since he and Sakura went their separate ways, he's never got emotionally attached with anyone. All he did was satisfy his sexual appetite like every other human male but his emotions he's locked up deep within himself making sex something more of a temporary enjoyment rather than a pleasure for him. He had either ignored women completely or used them like toys in bed and got rid of them soon after, but not anymore.

"How about we catch a movie too?" Syaoran suggested before looking thoughtful. "It's been a long time since I actually watched a movie for the fun of it at theaters. And we shouldn't watch something that I'm in either."

Erika thought she'd cry just listening to him make plans for them that she can't help herself anymore.

"Erika?" he asked, seeing the blank yet happy look on her face. "Are you o-"

Syaoran could literally feel his eyes bug out when Erika flung her arms around his neck and landed her lips on his in a tight lip-lock. She kissed him with so much passion that Syaoran felt it was somewhat foreign to him. He's kissed a lot of women before but all of which were full of eagerness, desire, and pure lust, never like this.

Erika felt him relax under her and when he started kissing her back softly, she sighed and gave a little moan before pulling back and straightening herself.

"I…sorry about that," she said, clearing her throat before pulling down the blazer she was wearing.

He raised a brow at her. "You're apologizing because you kissed me?" he confirmed with a cocky smirk on his face.

A blush crept up to her cheeks at the look he was giving her and he glared back at him lightly before sticking her nose in the air.

"I'll see you back in the set in ten minutes!" she said curtly before leaving the dressing room.

She heard him chuckle from behind her and she can't help the smile from forming on her lips as she closed the door behind her.

"Mom?"

Sakura bent down and hugged Xiao Tian and Xiao Hai before taking off her coat and putting it on the rack by the front door.

"Hey you two, what's up?"

"Where's Mei Hua?" Xiao Tian asked, not seeing their sister come through with her.

Smiling sadly at the boys, Sakura shook her head. "She has to stay at the hospital for the night. I just came by to get a few things and I'll be going back shortly."

The boys looked at the other worriedly after hearing this.

Sakura rumpled their hair.

"She'll be fine, she just gets more rest at the hospital and Shizuki can watch her better from there that's all. Where's Mona?"

"In the kitchen…"

"…she's making dinner."

"Alright, she'll be staying over with you tonight. Don't stay up too late okay?"

"Good night," Syaoran said as she kissed her on the forehead, a smile on his face.

Erika smiled brightly at him before snaking her hands around his waist and hugging him tightly. "Thanks for tonight Syaoran. I had a great time."

As they pulled back, Syaoran winked at him before taking his leave towards his room in their hotel suite.

It's been three weeks since his almost-confrontation with Sakura, it's been three weeks since he's started going out with Erika for dinner once or twice a week. It's become a sort of ritual for him, although he didn't know how it even started. All he knew now was that this time of his 'ritual' to make a call to his sons. He's been meeting with the twins every Saturday for ice cream and every Sunday for their little outings and every Friday- which was today –he would call them and just talk to them over the phone. He's attempted talking to Sakura, and asking her all his still-unanswered questions but it was useless. Unless he can actually get her out alone, he can never have a decent conversation with her. Every time he brings it up, it's either the twins would interrupt them, or Mona, or Erika, or Shizuki. It frustrated him but he didn't have a choice but to stop.

"Hello?"

"Syaoran?"

Syaoran grinned as one of the boys said his name and knowing it was him even without him saying.

"Yep, it's me. How are you boys doing this week?"

"We're good. We've been trying to finish that game we started only last week. You know, that hard Mario game, the latest one you bought us?"

"Didn't I tell you that wasn't supposed to be for kids your age?" Syaoran asked with a raised brow, even though they couldn't see him.

One of the boys snorted at this. "We'll show you! When you come by this Sunday, you'll see that we already beat the 1st level!"

Somehow, Syaoran felt the twins were smirking through the phone right now. He can't help but laugh.

"What're you laughing at? Don't believe us don't you? You'll see!"

"Yeah, yeah. I believe you. If a 5 year old can actually beat that game, I bet it'll be both of you."

"Thanks! So, where are we going this Sunday?"

"I dunno, where do you guys feel like going?"

"How about the water park?"

"That sounds good to me. But you have to ask your mother first," personally, Syaoran would've taken the boys with him even if Sakura said no, but it's only appropriate for her to know where they were going. She is, after all, still their mother. "If Sakura says its fine, then we can go."

"Alright, we'll ask her when she gets back tomorrow!" the boys replied ecstatically.

Syaoran frowned at this. "What do you mean when she gets back tomorrow? Where is she?"

"She won't be back until tomorrow. She's out with Mei Hua and Shizuki."

As their words sunk into him, Syaoran could swear he heard the phone crack under his tight hold. He gritted his teeth, not saying a word, in fear he might end up shouting profanities to his own sons.

"Syaoran?"

He tried breathing calmly, and after a minute or so, he spoke in deadly indifference. "Who's there with you?"

"Mona. She's sleeping here with us tonight."

"I see. I'll be right over."

"What?"

"I'm coming over…to play. I'll be there in ten minutes, okay?"

"Alright!"

Syaoran smiled slightly as he heard the boys' cheers before slamming the phone hard onto the cradle that was on his night stand by his bed. His smile didn't last long, he was dead furious at Sakura for leaving their children, his children at home at night with the nanny while she goes out with her other child and her husband, completely neglecting the twins.

Sakura was neglecting the boys, just because she has a new family and that pissed him off greatly. He's never been so pissed off in his whole life. If Sakura's not going to take care of the boys properly, then he might as well take them from her.

'That's exactly what I'm going to do.'

"But I-"

Sakura immediately shut her mouth as the person in front of her sent her a deadly glare.

"You're bringing him down. This opportunity doesn't come to everyone Sakura!"

"I know but-"

"If you really love him, you'll let him be!"

"I do! But-"

"How can you be so selfish?"

"I'm not!" Sakura reasoned hysterically. "I-"

"You're selfish! You really are selfish."

Sakura fell to the floor in tears as the words echoed around her in different voices.

"Selfish!"

"Selfish."

"Very selfish!"

"Sakura you're selfish!"

"Sakura…"

"Selfish…"

"Sakura!"

Sakura jerked her head up, her eyes snapping to an open in alarm.

"Sakura?"

Looking wildly around her, blinking furiously, calm started to overwhelm her and she started breathing slowly.

"Sh-Shizuki. Sorry, I-I…bad dream. I c-can't believe I fell asleep!" she stuttered, mentally slapping herself for actually dozing off in the hospital waiting room. "I'm the worst! I was just out here to buy some coffee and I fell asleep sitting down waiting for the others to finish buying from the vending machine and I-"

Shizuki looked down at her worriedly. "Calm down Sakura, you didn't do anything wrong. I was just checking in with Mei Hua- she's asleep by the way –and I was just wondering where you were."

"I was supposed to be watching her and I actually fell asleep!" she cried out desperately. "I'm the worst mother!" she added before getting up and walking down the hallway towards her daughter's room without a backwards glance at Shizuki.

"Sakura!"

She stopped as a firm hand held her by the wrist and another on her shoulder.

"Talk to me. There's something wrong. And don't lie."

That said, Sakura's shoulders started to shake. Shizuki's brows furrowed in worry, and he turned the young woman to face him.

"Talk to me," he urged her yet again, as he watched Sakura cry with her palms on her face.

"I-I-" Sakura sniffed, trying to keep her tears down and steady her voice.

Shizuki pulled her in and started rubbing her back, trying to calm her down and comfort her.

After a few minutes and more tears, she finally did. She pulled back away from his hold and can't help but laugh lightly, pointing at Shizuki's soaked shirt front.

"Sorry, I got your shirt wet," she said, now wiping her tears with the back of her hand.

Grinning, Shizuki merely shrugged. "It happens all the time. My patients' families have the habit of soaking me wet," he said jokingly, making her giggle. "Now are you willing to talk?"

Sighing, Sakura inhaled deeply and nodded.

Just as promised, Syaoran showed up in their front door exactly ten minutes later. This of course, surprised Mona because she didn't even know he would be arriving but she didn't mind by the least. In fact, she was glad someone came over to play around with the boys. They've been slightly deflated ever since Sakura came over earlier that night to tell them that Mei Hua won't be back for the night.

"Alright! You win! You win!" Syaoran shouted in between howls of laughter as the boys sat on him, poking and wiggling their fingers in the most sensitive areas, making the large man beneath them laugh uncontrollably.

Xiao Tian and Xiao Hai, with smug looks on their faces, got off him with their arms crossed in front of them.

"Now you owe us three times as much ice cream!" they declared, holding up three of their little fingers each.

Syaoran sat up straight on the carpeted floor of the living room with his hands raised in defeat.

The twins high fived before setting themselves in front of the TV yet again, resuming their game.

"You know, too much TV and video games is bad for you," Syaoran pointed out.

"We'll stop after this level…"

"…promise!"

He grinned at his sons from behind. The more time he spent with them, the more fatherly he treated them and he can't help but feel like they're treating him the same too.

"I'm getting a drink of water, I'll be back," he said before rumpling the kids' hair, earning a 'Hey!' and identical frowns from them.

As he stepped into the kitchen, Mona, who was sitting quietly at the dining table, looked up from her sewing and smiled at him.

"Having fun Mr. Li?"

Syaoran grinned at her. "What're you doing?" he asked as he took a glass and helped himself to water.

Mona raised the small slightly faded blue dress up. "This is Mei Hua's. I'm just stitching up a hole."

A small frown immediately crossed his features before he, just as quickly, replaced it with a forced smile. But Mona caught it.

"Is something the matter?" she asked in pure curiosity.

Syaoran shook his head, earning a raised brow from the older woman.

"From the look on your face, I can tell something's on your mind."

A lot of things were in his mind. But he didn't think it was appropriate to ask of those from the nanny. Although there were some things Syaoran did want to know, that he was sure wouldn't hurt if he did ask.

"How long have you been the kids' nanny?"

A fond smile appeared on Mona's face as he asked this. "Ever since they were born. Fujitaka, Sakura's father was a dear friend of mine, and ever since Sakura moved to Tokyo and had her kids, he asked me to help her out. The poor dear had no one else to turn to when she first came here."

Syaoran got the feeling this was going to be a long story, so he sat himself on the chair across from her and listened intently.

Author's Note:

So I'm back to re-uploading this story regularly!

I'll upload the next chapter sometime this week. Just saying.

That's it for now. Ja ne!

Raeny