Siren: Howdy, ya'll. So, do you know what I just realized?

Muse: What?

Siren: Taylor Laudner, the guy who play Jacob in the Twilight movies, is Sharkboy in 'Sharkboy And Lavagirl.'

Muse: ...Do you even care?

Siren: Not in the slightest! More interesting than that?

Muse: What?

Siren: Wierd Al was a member of a club in high school called The Volcano Worshippers' Club.

Muse: ...That is interesting. Disclaimer!

(poof) Chef Gordan Ramsey: Donkeys! Sirens & Muses don't own ToS!

Siren: (drools) You're so cute...

Muse: Did you really cheat on your wife?

Chef Ramsey: ...No comment.

Muse: That means yes.

Siren: We'll love you forever if you review! And if you don't, we'll set up voodoo doll shrines and curse you for all eternity!

The adventure continues as our heroes come upon the Asgard Ranch to sneak in.

"So, here's the plan," Kratos stage-whispered. "Lloyd and Colette will tie Genis up and feed him to some wolves in the forest, while the rest of us kill some guards and steal their clothes."

"Hey, wait, I don't like this-AHHHH!" Genis screamed as Lloyd and Colette tossed him out to a herd of drooling wolves.

"Wolves don't come in herds," Lloyd said. He was then crushed with a falling refrigerator.

"Yes, yes, moving on," Raine said. "While you were arguing with the imaginary voices in your head again, we killed some Desians and stole their uniforms."

The group went back to Luin to discuss their plan further.

"Hey, question?" Genis asked. "If we're in Luin, why is Nova's Caravan here?"

"Hey, answer? Fuck off, Genis." Lloyd threw a flaming stick at him.

"Only one of the Desian uniforms can be worn," Raine said tiredly.

"Me! Me! Pick me!" Lloyd waved his hand around wildly. "Me! Oh, me!"

"This isn't a game," Kratos said.

"You mean we're not playing Duck, Duck, Rabbit?" Colette asked.

"…Rabbit? I thought it was Duck, Duck, Kamodo Dragon." Lloyd scratched his head. "Whoa! Professor, when did you change clothes? And why do the Desian uniforms have assless chaps?"

"I changed right in front of you, Lloyd," she said, completely ignoring the second question. "In fact, you were staring at me creepily the entire time."

"Oh, yeah. Why do you get to be the Desian?"

"Because you, Kratos, and Genis are men, and Colette hasn't hit puberty yet."

The group went onward to the Asgard Ranch, pretending to be prisoners. No one seemed to notice that one Desian had managed to capture four other people and was restraining them without any real method at all.

"Stop!" Desian 1 shouted.

"We've done it!" Raine said.

"…Done what?" Desian 2 asked.

"We captured Lloyd Irving! And I even caught him alive, for Lord Kvar's torturing pleasure!"

"Good job!" Desian 1 said.

"Hey, I was going to say that!" Desian 2 said, insulted.

"…I'm sorry, I didn't know it was that important to you…"

"Well, it is!" Desian 2 bursted into tears. "You never have any idea what's important to me! You don't even say my name right! I'm not just some piece of tail you caught in a bar, you know!"

While Desian 2 tried to work out his very strange issues, our group went inside.

"Hark how the bells, sweet silver bells, all seem to say, throw cares away," Lloyd sang.

"Why exactly are you singing Carol of the Bells?" Kratos asked.

"Um, because…look, a distraction!" Lloyd pointed at the wall. Kratos slapped him.

After wondering around for a couple hours, the group found their way to the control room.

"Hey, look!" Lloyd cried, going over to the TV and pressing buttons. "Kvar has DVR. Hmm, porn, porn, bad '90s sitcoms, Hispanic porn, 'The Misadventures of Flapjack'? What the fuck is up with that? Delete!"

"Stop pressing stuff!" Raine snapped, grabbing the remote. "Look, this place is an Exsphere manufacturing plant."

"Why do I get the feeling that we're about to learn something disturbing that we should've figured out before?" Sheena said.

"Whoa! You're still here?" Lloyd blinked. "Freaky."

"Everyone, shut your traps!" Colette said. "I hear voices…"

"Didn't we get her medication for that?" Kratos asked.

"I DO NOT HEAR ANYTHING, COLETTE!" Genis screamed at the top of his lungs.

"ME EITHER! YOU MUST BE CRAZY!" Lloyd shouted.

Colette then did a dainty run-walk thing to the doorway, with Lloyd following behind in a not-so-dainty way. Botta and a few random Renegades came out of the doorway.

"Everyone, gasp!" Lloyd shouted. "It's the Desians!"

"What the…? Haven't you read the Wikipedia article on this game yet?" Botta said. "We're not Desians! Geez, get your act together."

They ran away like scared bunnies. Again.

Suddenly, Colette and Kratos felt the urge to stand in front of Lloyd. Which isn't weird. At all.

The door opened, revealing three Desians, who did a fifty-minute pole dance before shooting fireballs at our heroes. Kratos, being awesome like that, brought up his sphere of awesomeness to block it. Colette was protected by the super-special-awesome dumbass-ness that is her brain function. Or something like that.

"Colette! Kratos! Rachel Ray!" Lloyd shouted.

"I'm okay," Colette said.

"There's no time to be okay!" Kratos said. "Look behind you!"

"Look, an asshole!" Sheena shouted, pointing epic-ly.

"Something insulting, involving rats," Kvar said.

"I SHALL MURDER YOU!" Kratos shouted. "But not until later, after I've had my Red Bull."

"Just out of curiosity," Lloyd asked, "Who are you, and where are your eyes? I mean, you look like Brock from Pokemon."

"You charge into my ranch, make my guards cry-"

"I messed with your DVR, too," Lloyd added.

"…Douchebag." Kvar cleared his throat. "Yes. And demand my name?"

"Kind of, yeah," Lloyd said.

Kvar blinked. Mentally. "Well. Don't know what to say to that."

"He's Kvar, the biggest fuckstick of all time," Kratos said, with the most emotion he's shown in the entire game.

"Bigger than you?" Lloyd questioned.

"Much bigger," Kratos said.

"Ahahahahahahahaha…ha," Kvar laughed. "I see some of you know me. Wait, aren't you that guy who gouged out my eyes with a spoon and used them as wedding rings?"

"…Maybe."

"Okay, lets hurry it up here," Sheena grumbled. "I need to get home. I left the oven on, the water running, and my cat in the microwave. I just hope he didn't figure out how to turn it on."

"Gimme your Exsphere!" Kvar cried.

"Oh, wait, let me see…" Lloyd pretended to ponder. "How about…no, you haiku-writing motherfucker?"

"I love haiku," Colette said. Then she pulled her Frisbees from the Ninth Dimension of Weapon Storage and threw them at Kvar.

The group ran into the next room, being chased directly into a deadend by Kvar. But not before learning the truth behind Exspheres.

"Holy shit!" Lloyd cried. "Soylent Green is people!"

"This part is so depressing, I can't even smack you," Kratos said.

"I will now have a Q & A session about the Exspheres and the Desian organization," Kvar said. "Even though it endangers my entire plan."

After the group had learned everything about making Exspheres, they had a lovely chat about Lloyd's mom.

"Your daddy killed her," Kvar said. "They were both pathetic."

"Liar!" Lloyd shouted.

"Do not speak ill of my wife-I mean, of the dead," Kratos said.

"Once again, bad foreshadowing," Genis muttered.

Kvar and his men advanced upon the group, threatening to shove them over the cliff. Why there was a cliff there, no one knows.

"Ooh! I get to save us!" Sheena cried. "Okay, uh, smoke bomb things go whoosh!"

A giant bird appeared, saving them and ending the chapter in one bright, blinding, white flash.