Siren: Dearest readers, we apologize for the late updates. Computers have not been our friends recently.

Muse: Neither has school or work.

Siren: That aside, we shall try to update sooner.

Muse: Disclaimer!

(poof) Sephiroth: Sirens & Muses don't own ToS. And I am going to bring about the end of this forsaken world.

Siren: Here you go. (shows fanfiction)

Sephiroth: What...? Ahhh! No! I'm not gay!

Siren: You haven't even seen who your lover is.

Sephiroth: ...AHHHH! Rufus? Who the fuck wrote this?

Siren: This is why you should never read M-rated fanfiction at two in the morning. It's disturbing.

Muse: (rocks back and forth) God help me...

Sephiroth: What's this about crotchless lace panties? Ugh...I feel sick. (poof)

Siren: Review, please!

We rejoin our heroes after they have escaped the eyeless clutches of Kvar, thanks to the help of Sheena's ninja-ness. They then decided to go to Luin to go straight into the blind lion's den again.

"I can't believe Exspheres are made from human lives," Sheena said, as the camera panned to reveal everyone except Kratos and Colette staring at their radioactive hands.

"This is Marble's life," Genis said. "I wonder what will happen if I poke it."

"Lloyd, I suck at a lot of things, and cheering you up is one of them," Colette said. "So, instead of even trying, I'm going to let Kratos do it."

"Are you kidding?" Kratos said. "Hello! Emo!"

"These things make a mockery of human life!" Lloyd said dramatically.

"Those people didn't become victims because they wanted to," Kratos said.

"No crap," Genis said. "That's kind of the definition of the word 'victim'."

"…Would you cheer up if I punch Genis in the face?" Kratos asked.

"A little," Lloyd admitted.

After a minor Genis-abuse incident and some sleep, the group headed for Hima to see Pietro, Mario's second cousin three times removed who escaped from the ranch. Once at the inn, though, they found a strange woman blocking the staircase.

"THERE'S NOTHING UP HERE!" she screamed.

"Hi, Sophia. How's Pietro?" Sheena asked.

"He passed away, and I'm completely not lying to you. I would never do that. What gave you that idea?" Sophia looked around suspiciously.

"Yeah, yeah," Raine said impatiently. "Where's all his shit?"

"Do you loot all the dead guys you run into?" Sheena asked.

"It's not like they need any of their stuff anymore."

"He didn't have any belongings," Sophia said. "His grave is precariously perched on the edge of the mountain, where landslides could easily send it down the cliff. Please don't dig it up."

"Whoa!" Lloyd said. "Where did that come from? What makes you think we'd dig up someone's grave?"

"That guy behind you has a shovel." Sophia pointed to Kratos, who shifted to hide the shovel.

"This? This is for, uh, digging for treasure. Yeah."

They went up to Pietro's grave. "So, let's pray," Colette said. "Maybe he'll come back to life and help us."

"So, let me get this straight," Kratos said. "I dragged this shovel four and a half miles uphill, with no one else's help, and we're not digging anyone's dead body up? This is bullshit." He hit Genis with the shovel, sending the munchkin off the cliff.

Suddenly, a random guy came up and started spouting nonsense at Lloyd. Little did he know, this was Lloyd.

"Chosen…Mana…die…," he said.

"Frog," Lloyd said.

"Boulder…big….Chosen…die…," Random Guy said.

"Um…frog."

"Jewel…Mana…Chosen…"

"Ooh, tricky." Lloyd thought. "Frog."

"Pietro!" Sheena said.

"There you are, Pietro, who I told everyone was dead!" Sophia said, running up to herd him away.

"You lied to us," Raine said.

"No, I didn't!" Sophia said.

"Yeah, you did."

"No one can talk to him!" she shouted. "I must protect him, even though there really isn't a point in doing so, since he's kind of catatonic anyway."

"So, you're not going to tell us how he got out?" Lloyd said.

"Nope! What are you guys going to do about it?" Sophia taunted.

"…We could bury you alive," Kratos suggested. "I've got the shovel ready."

"All right, all right!" Sophia cried. "He said he blocked the exit with a giant, conspicuous boulder. Take his shit with you. It's using up grave space, and a couple old ladies have died recently. We've been storing them in the inn. By the way, heal Pietro." Sophia and Pietro left.

"Bitch," Lloyd mumbled. He then dug up the grave and stole the Desian orb, as well as a losing lottery ticket, six banana peels, and The Biggest Loser Yoga DVD.

The group set out for the misleadingly named Asgard Ranch. Once there, Lloyd tried to push a giant boulder out of the way, only to have his masculinity questioned for what will not be the last time in this game. Instead, Raine used her kickassedness to hold up the Desian orb and move the rock, making Lloyd look like a pre-pubescent girl/Genis.

They then materialized into the ranch, in front of a bunch of Desians.

"Who the hell are you?" a Desian said.

"Sir Elton John, who do you think I am?" Lloyd asked before killing them.

"Okay," Raine said, "Let me just stroke my imaginary beard, thereby magically bringing up a convenient ranch-wide map."

"Why would he put a map of his entire ranch here, with virtually no protection?" Lloyd asked. "I mean, isn't that asking for people to invade?"

"I should've drowned you at birth," Kratos mumbled. "I almost had your mother convinced, too, but then she saw that cute onesie that said 'Mommy & Daddy + martini = Me', and made me pull you out of the bathtub."

"Kratos," Colette called. "We've moved on. Who's in which group?"

"I'm murdering Kvar," Lloyd said.

"So am I," Sheena said.

"Kratos smash!" Kratos yelled.

"I wanna go!" Genis whined.

"Okay, well, look," Lloyd said. "It's come down to the point where it's either staring at Sheena's chest or Genis abuse. I mean, really, has anyone ever said, 'let's not have Kratos in our party'?"

Dramatic music cued to enhance Lloyd's decision-making. Unfortunately, the DJ was run over by a truck, so the song was actually 'Face Up, Face Down' from the Yu-Gi-Oh Music To Duel By CD stolen from Siren's nephew's closet.

"Come on, Lloyd! Decide!" Genis yelled.

"Don't rush me! It takes time." Lloyd inhaled and exhaled. "Okay, I've chosen. I choose...eh, what the hell. Genis, you amuse me."

"Yay!" Genis threw flowers around. "I get to go!"

"Sorry, floating chesticles," Lloyd said, patting Sheena's shoulder. "I hope this doesn't come between us."

"…You're an asshole, Lloyd. Major asshole."

With that, the groups went their separate ways, which for now leads to the end of the chapter.