Siren: Well, we published a fanfiction for something other than ToS.

Muse: Not as fun. Disclaimer!

(poof) Santa: Where the hell were you a month ago?

Siren: Busy. Doing stuff. Like playing a new video game.

Santa: Sirens & Muses don't own ToS. And they are never getting another Christmas present again. (poof)

Muse: Review?

We rejoin our heroes as they split up to eliminate Kvar. Unfortunately, no one seemed to have any idea where the hell they were going.

"Lloyd, we've already been here," Kratos said.

"Shut up. We're going the right way."

"We're going in circles. In fact, we're just circling Raine, Colette, and Sheena."

"Oh." Lloyd stopped circling and went into a random room, with Kratos and Genis following him.

Inside the room were the Exsphere containers and a shutoff switch. Lloyd, instead of being intelligent and pressing, say, the stop button, beat it with Genis until it stopped.

"Perfect!" he said. They then went to another random room, which had conveyer belts.

"Okay, so really, shouldn't there be an emergency kill switch or something?" Genis asked. "I mean, what if someone gets caught in the machine and dies?"

"That's a fabulous idea!" Lloyd yelled. He then threw Genis onto the conveyor belt. "Why aren't you dead yet?"

"…Shut up, Lloyd," Kratos said, dragging him onto the belt. "Shoot those things. Yes, those things."

Lloyd lifted the Sorcerer's ring. "BAM! Kick it up a knotch."

"Shut the hell up. And you spelled 'notch' wrong." Kratos kicked him in the head.

"Oww…" Once Lloyd's headache was gone and he'd stopped the belt, the team continued on to dodge laser beams and eventually end up at a teleporter that conveniently led straight to Kvar.

"Get ready, Kvar!" Lloyd yelled, expecting a climatic exit. Not so. They failed to go anywhere at all, so being the epic heroes they were, they…stood there and waited.

The other team did something important, but it wasn't important enough. All it did was open the teleporter to allow Lloyd and co. to beat Kvar's ass with no help from the other team.

…Is that how you spell 'teleporter'?

Moving on, we rejoin Lloyd's slightly cooler group, minus Genis, as they face Kvar.

"I found you, Kvar. Now you'll pay!" Lloyd raised his swords.

"Just a moment," Kvar said. "I'm on the phone, can't you see my Bluetooth?"

Lloyd tapped his foot. "God, I hate people like you. What, your life is too busy to pick up the phone? Really? What a douchebag."

"So, this is Lloyd? He does bare a resemblance," ? said. She licked her lips and made the 'call me' motion at Lloyd.

"A resemblance to who?" Lloyd asked, not fully aware of the situation, probably because he was focused on not doing something stupid. Kratos sneezed.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't change the subject to your obvious obsession with Kratos and his offspring, Pronyma!" Kvar snapped. That's right: SNAPPED. "It's clear you've been stealing research data from my Angelus Project."

"Yo, Kvar, I'm really happy for you, and Imma let you finish, but you say 'research' weird," Lloyd said.

"Yeah, you only made that joke a year and a half fucking late," Genis said. He was immediately crushed with Kanye West.

"Yo, Genis, I'm really happy for you, and Imma let you finish, but you deserve to be bitchslapped. Just sayin'." Kayne made himself comfortable on Genis' back.

"I'm sick of this, Kvar. I didn't steal your stuff. Except for that crack. That crack was mine, I tell you, MINE!" Pronyma then disappeared in a puff of white smoke.

"So my crack addiction is no longer a secret," Kvar said.

"It never was a secret," Lloyd answered. "You always have white powder under your nose."

"That's, um…my mustache?"

"You carry a bag of white powder and a razorblade with you at all times," Kratos added helpfully.

"That's my other mustache."

"You're snorting some now!" Genis said. Kanye bitchslapped him.

Kvar shoved his bag of crack into his pocket. "That is none of your concern. Your concern should my mocking your mother-slash-wife-slash…" He stopped. "I'm sorry, who are you again?" he asked Genis.

"I'm Genis Sage, and I'm Lloyd's best friend." Kanye and Lloyd both bitchslapped him.

"As I was saying, your wife was a whore and something else bad." Kvar then attacked them.

Unfortunately, the authors can't describe the fight scene that takes place here, solely because it is too bloody, gory, and disturbingly twisted that to describe it would be ensuring certain insanity. Or at least a few years of therapy.

However, let's say Kratos got his revenge. And then some.

"Feel the pain of those inferior beings as you burn in hell!" He glanced down. "Why is this fangirl humping my leg?"

"They do that occasionally," Raine said, appearing from nowhere. "It must be mating season."

"If you'd stop saying awesome quotes, you wouldn't have this problem," Lloyd said.

"OW MY FACE!" Kvar screamed. Kratos kicked him.

"Colette, your wound," Raine said. Kanye bitchslapped Genis.

"How'd she get that?" Lloyd asked, staring at the gaping hole in Colette's back.

"Oh, I fell in on myself and broke myself," she said happily, bleeding all over the floor. Kvar just had it waxed, too.

"OW MY KIDNEYS!" Kvar screamed. Kratos stabbed him.

"Shut the hell up before I stab you."

"OW MY NEWLY OPENED STAB WOUND!"

"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," Llody said. "By Genis." Kanye bitchslapped Genis. "Colette can't feel anything! She can't eat, sleep, something else important, laugh, cry, smile…"

"Lloyd, she can still do some of those things," Kratos pointed out.

"…read, count, play video games, navigate a map…"

"She can do all those things, Lloyd."

"…corn, wheat, pigs, cows, tractors…"

"Those are all thing you find on a farm, Lloyd."

"…Yeah, so let's do something productive!" Lloyd finished.

"Well, I could always blow up the ranch," Raine suggested.

"Yeah!" everyone agreed.

"OW MY EYE!" Kvar screamed.

"You have no eyes!" Kratos yelled back.

"PHANTOM LIMB SYNDROME!"

"Your eyes aren't limbs!" Kratos dumped nitric acid on Kvar. "Isn't chemistry fun, Kvar?"

"Yeah, we blow you up now," Sheena said. They all left.

Suddenly, another ? character showed up on Kvar's Bluetooth, because he apparently doesn't have caller ID.

"Lord Kvar, thanks to you, my crack collection is almost complete. Soon I'll have enough crack to keep me high for the rest of my life! Ha-ha-ha! Oh, and something about the Mana Cannon, or something."

"Hang on guys, I just forgot Genis' purse," Lloyd called. He stepped into the room and froze. "Um…hi there. You know he's dead, right?"

"…He's just sleeping," ? said.

"No, I'm pretty sure he's dead. I'm just gonna…leave now." Lloyd picked up Genis' fabulously purple sequin decorated purse and crept out of the room.

"…I'm hanging up now."

The heroes ended up outside, after watching the Asgard human ranch explode in pretty colors. They then decided to head off to town to do whatever they do, which in this case involved ending the chapter.