Siren: We're back, baby!

Muse: (snores)

Siren: Well, I'M back at any rate.

Muse: (snores)

Siren: (pokes)

Muse: (rolls over)

Siren: Okay, then. So, here we go. Disclaimer!

Tommy Lee Jones: ...Why am I here?

Siren: To say our disclaimer. And to be awesome.

Muse: (twitches)

Tommy Lee Jones: And who is he?

Siren: He's asleep, and therefore unimportant.

Tommy Lee Jones: Sirens & Muses don't own ToS or me.

Siren: ...I just bought you on eBay.

Tommy Lee Jones: Okay, then. Go see Captain America. (poof)

Siren: It's superspecialawesome.

Muse: (snorts) What happened? What did I miss? Have we updated yet?

We rejoin our heroes as they sit around chatting about Colette's terrible, horrific, excruciatingly painful, appendage-producing illness, brought on by a futile journey.

"Was it really necessary to say all that?" Lloyd asked. "I mean, the readers have obviously played the game, watched the anime, read the manga, or any combination of the three. They all know Colette's bull crap."

"Don't make me beat you," Kratos threatened, pulling out a stick.

"Yeah, so Colette's gonna die or something?" Sheena asked, scratching her head.

"No, she's just slowly losing her humanity," Lloyd said, poking a sleeping Colette with the stick. "Then she'll die. In a fiery explosion. Just like Kanye."

Everyone glared death at Genis for a few solid minutes.

"What?" he asked. "He wouldn't stop slapping me!"

"You didn't have to blow him up!" Sheena sobbed. "All those fiery pieces. It was so beautiful, and yet so violent."

Raine shook her head sadly. "His last words were, 'Imma let you finish.'"

"Um,hello? You do know I'm awake, right?" Colette said. "So you can stop poking me with that stick."

"No, I don't think I will." Lloyd stabbed her a few more times.

Ten minutes later, having dragged Colette's lazy ass out of bed, the group arrived at a pond. Because, don't you know it, unicorns can survive underwater. Yeah.

"So, with the unicorn horn, we can save Colette, Pietro, Clara, and Dorr?" Lloyd asked.

"Lloyd, Dorr is dead," Raine said, facepalming.

"…How about my mom?"

"She's dead, too."

"My dad?"

"Your dad's a douchebag," Raine said.

"Hi there," Kratos said.

"My other dad?"

"Lawl," Genis said. "Lloyd has two daddies."

"He's a dwarf," Raine said.

"…Joshua, Rosa's jilted lover?"

"What the hell? There's nothing wrong with Joshua!" Raine snapped.

"We could heal his broken heart," Colette said sadly.

"Hey! I be tryin' to sleep down here!" the unicorn shouted. However, above the water, it just sounded like, "Blub blub blub bloop!"

"Wow, that unicorn is singing!" Lloyd said. The unicorn raised its middle finger, despite the fact that it didn't have fingers.

"What a pretty song!" Colette said.

"Yeah...so anyway, let's go find Undine," Sheena said. "You know, so that we can blah blah blah."

"Yay! Field trip!" Lloyd and Colette skipped away.

And so, for the seventeenth time, the group headed all the way across the fucking continent to the Thoda Geyser. Again.

"So, these boats," Sheena said nervously. "They're not boats."

"Listen, I'm trying to knock out Raine, so if you could just get in and start paddling, that'd be great," Kratos said, throwing random items at the Professor.

"NO! WATER BAD!" she screamed, dodging the Golden Girls 25th Anniversary Complete Box Set that was thrown at her.

After they'd finally knocked Raine out, they went over to the Thoda Geyser. After a long and uninteresting trip through a puzzle they already solved, they reached the altar.

That was when Genis and Colette started chanting.

"Pact! Pact!" Genis cried.

"Cactus! Jello!" Colette cried.

"Science! Science!" Raine cried.

"…! …!" Kratos cried.

Lloyd drooled. "Booobs. Boooobs."

"I'm gonna, um, head on over here," Sheena said. There was a blinding flash of light and the earth shook.

"What the-?" Undine rubbed her eyes. "Excuse me, I was asleep. I don't go around and wake your ass up to try and gain your power, do I?"

"Oh my god! More boobs!" Lloyd drooled more.

"And besides, I'm bound to Mithos." Undine pouted. "And let me tell you, it is creepy. He makes me give him sponge baths and go skinny dipping with him. Ugh."

"Mithos the Hero?" Lloyd said. "He could summon, too? Does anyone really care?"

"Not particularly," Kratos said, yawning. "Can we speed this up? I need to go mope for a while, followed by a few hours of being emo."

"Mithos is a common boy's name," Raine said. "Not like Genis, whose name was a cruel joke by our parents. It doesn't necessarily mean he's the hero."

"Then why haven't we have met anyone who's named Mithos?" Lloyd asked.

"For plot convenience later," Raine said.

"I am Sheena!" Sheena said.

"Good for you, sweetheart, but I really don't give a crap." Undine shrugged. "Sorry, can't form a pact."

"What now?" Sheena sweat-dropped. "They never told me about this when I was in ninja school."

"What should we do, Lloyd?" Colette asked.

"Well, how the fuck should I know? My age is higher than my IQ!" Lloyd said while trying to fit his hand into his ear. "I guess just try to cancel the old pact."

"How?" Sheena asked.

"I dunno, shoot him in the face?" Lloyd shrugged. "I ran out of ideas a while ago."

Kratos cleared his throat. "Weeeell, if this Mithos guy is dead or broke his pact, we should just be able to go ahead and do it."

"Yep," Undine said.

"Wow, really? And you neglected to mention this before because…?" Raine asked.

Undine shrugged. "You guys woke me up. Payback's a bitch, isn't it?"

"If the pact maker isn't dead yet and he's upheld the pact, there's nothing we can do," Kratos continued.

"Except shoot him in the face, right?" Lloyd said eagerly.

"Well, I'm cranky and PMSing. Let's fight," Undine said. She then proceeded to drown Genis. "That's for Kanye!"

"I will shoot you in the face!" Lloyd yelled, slashing her with his swords. "Roar!"

Undine punched him in the face. So Kratos sighed and stood there, defeating her with his sheer sexiness.

"You have bested me," Undine said. "And by the way, I'm free tomorrow night, so give me a call. What vow do you make?"

"What? Oh, well, I guess until death do us part." Sheena shrugged. "Some BS like that."

"…Try again."

"I vow to save people?" Sheena said. Undine nodded.

"That'll do. Mithos' vow was to always wear Spandex. Don't know why I agreed to that one, but there you are." In a bunch of floaty blue sparkles, Undine disappeared into a big blue rock.

"Wow, how pretty," Sheena said, picking up the three pound piece of blue raspberry rock candy.

"Do you think Undine will mind if I eat her?" Lloyd asked.

"Lloyd, there's no time for your vaguely sexual joke," Raine said.

"Vaguely? That wasn't vague," Kratos said.

"Kratos, you have a surprising breadth of knowledge," Raine commented.

"Why, thank you, I learned it all from a prostitute in-oh, you meant the summoning. Yeah, I knew an, um, 'acquaintance' who knew about Summon Spirits."

"So, by 'acquaintance', you mean gay lover, right?" Lloyd asked. Kratos kicked him repeatedly in the stomach, which is conveniently the key to ending the chapter.