On the way back to the prison I explained myself pretty thoroughly to Rick. He didn't say anything through my story, just listened to me. He seemed concerned about the possible scope sighting and didn't relax when I told him I didn't actually find anything. I then skimmed over the bit about how I started to really enjoy myself while killing the walkers, because, well, that's not socially acceptable. I just told him I was proud of myself for not shooting and drawing them to the prison; and that was my excuse; that's why I was all amped up after he brought me back inside. Still he didn't say anything so I don't even think he bought it, but at least he didn't press further.
He asked me to pack up the SUV for a run and said he was going to get Carol to join us. It took a while for him to come back. I started chewing on my fingernails, remembered that we had a rampant disease floating about, and immediately yanked my hand out my mouth.
I saw Maggie heading to the guard tower to pick up my shift. I waved to her; she waved back, if not half-heartedly. She was worried about Glenn. I opened the door to the sea foam colored Hyundai and plopped myself down in the passenger seat, wondered briefly if it would be rude to take shot gun away from Carol, but then immediately forgot because I had realized I'd started chewing on my nails again.
I was pawing through a CD case I had found in the glove compartment when Rick opened the driver's side door and Carol slid in the backseat and touched my shoulder in a kind greeting. He started the car and I waved a CD at him enthusiastically, complete with a pleading smile. He looked at me in a pretend exasperated way, then snagged the disc from my hand and popped it into the player.
"Well aren't you guys just completely adorable?" Carol smirked from the back, looking just as smug as Herschel always did.
I grinned a little embarrassedly, glancing at Rick. He smiled in a sad sort of way, like there was something serious on his mind.
Maggie and Carl waved to us from the sides of the gate as we headed out down the forest-lined road leading away from the prison. I'd never been down this road, as I had taken the road seriously less traveled by on my route here. I had idly wondered which direction we would be heading on this trip, but the chances of finding them seemed unlikely. In any case, I'd be much better armed this time and I'd even have a little back up. I felt completely sure Rick would step in and protect me if it came down to the worst.
I shouldn't be concerned though. The chances were so slim.
"Oh don't you two worry," Carol said pleasantly, turning to look out the window, "I'll just go ahead and keep it to myself for as long as you guys need. You know, we don't want everyone thinking anyone is actually happy nowadays, huh?" She grabbed my shoulder again in a joking way.
I wriggled around in my seat and threw a comical "you better!" look at Carol.
Turning back around to face front, smiling broadly as Carol laughed, I caught Rick's expression again. Why did he look so bummed? After a few minutes of persistent silence, (aside from the music that I was bobbing my head to joyfully) I decided to voice aloud one of my questions. "What're we out looking for today?"
Rick answered while focused on the road, "I figured we could come out here and look for any medical supplies that could help those people hang on long enough 'til the actual medicine gets back."
He was sure putting a lot of stock into the possibly nonexistent medicine. Realistically, the place could have already been searched. All those people at the prison could easily die. At least he is optimistic, I guess.
About half an hour later, we reached a quaint little town that, aside from the state of the lawns and the filthy cars, looked almost as it should have back in the old days. They were all cute little two story things, a bunch of tasteful colors on them. A green one; I'd always loved green houses. It's what I'd been hoping to end up with after I got my dream job. Glancing back to the small arsenal of guns we had in the car with us, I remembered, yet again, that it would never happen in my lifetime.
We parked behind a dusty old station wagon and got out of the car, Carol and I each grabbing a handgun apiece. Rick had his revolver. Carol tossed each of us duffel bag to carry supplies. Mine was bright orange, tinged with a bit of old blood. Gross.
As I took the bag gingerly by the handles, Rick shot a look towards Carol, (who was preoccupied on the other side of the car) then gently pushed me into the car and whispered, "Look, I hate to do this to you, but I gotta talk to Carol alone for a while. We are going to head into these houses, you try looking through these," He gestured, "I wouldn't be making you go alone if I didn't know you could handle yourself. I will need you after this trip is over. That's why I brought you and you'll understand it all when we go back. We will meet back here in two hours. Two hours," He repeated.
I shrugged at him and held up my wrist indicating my watch-less state. Rick unclasped his and pulled it off his wrist, handing it to me, "Please be careful, ok? Don't do anything reckless. Do you promise?"
Carol had come around to our side of the car, hoisting her black pack onto her shoulder. I nodded to Rick to show that I promised. I knew the unspoken part was really "don't go all crazy", but I appreciated him referring to it as "reckless".
He kissed me on the lips solemnly while Carol smiled and pointedly looked away.
I pointed at the two of them as Rick turned to go with Carol, "Y'all be careful too, now, you hear?" I said in my best tacky southern accent.
Carol rolled her eyes good naturedly, but Rick just looked grave.
Fine, I thought, don't make fun of his accent. Geez, mental note taken.
It looked like I was headed into my green house first. Holy southern living; it was like walking into a gaudy farmhouse explosion. Ceramic chickens lined surfaces and little paintings with cheesy sayings were featured around the house. The picture frames on tables were outdated and there seemed to be seasonal placemats set around the table. Twenty bucks says there a sign saying "kiss the cook" or something similar in the kitchen.
I held perfectly still for a minute, listening intently for noises upstairs. Seemed to be nothing. So, I picked up a particularly foul rooster statue and smashed it on the floor. Shattered pieces skittered across the hardwood. The noise was definitely loud enough. Now I wait.
Sure enough, a single walker came shambling into the living room from the kitchen, still wearing a flowery, if not filthy, apron. Stuffing my gun in my jeans, I snagged the metal poker from next to the fireplace and swung it at her head. Her brains became more decoration.
Just for fun, and because there wasn't any reason not to, I went on a mini rampage on the innocent chickens and even smashed the fine china cabinet in the dining room.
Feeling fairly satisfied, I moved into the kitchen, pawing through the cabinets. There wasn't much, one or two cans. I headed upstairs and banged on the walls with the poker and waited patiently. I heard thumping coming from a shut white door. The front of it had a sloppily written message in black marker: "Please let Tyler live".
Either the kid was still alive and locked in there, or I had some bad news for the parents. I decided to let Tyler be and headed into the bathrooms to search the medicine cabinets, then to the parents bedroom to look for anything useful. I found a few spare batteries and condoms. I checked the date on the condoms just to be sure. Maybe Glenn and Maggie would need them; that is if Glenn lived.
Thank god, I had already gotten one of those ten year birth controls stuck up there pre-apocalypse, but knowing my usual luck, I'd die in the zombie apocalypse from freaking syphilis or something. Whether divine intervention or a sheer miracle, I'd managed to stay unscathed thus far.
I bounced down the stairs and headed into my next house, fire poker in hand, scanning the street for Rick and Carol. I wondered what he so somberly wanted to talk to her about. Nothing good if I wasn't invited in on the conversation.
I thought seriously for a minute, and then my girl-brain went into overdrive. The only conclusion I could come up began to form. Carol was part of the council, she was one of Rick's most trusted advisors. What if he was telling her what a psycho I am? And now they're trying to decide what to do with me. What if they try to take off in the car and abandon me while I search the houses, totally unaware while they speed off. Abandon me all the way out here with no supplies and a goddamn fire poker and a handgun.
I stayed planted on the porch of my next house, refusing to budge out of fear, determined to catch them in the act of running to the Hyundai and taking off.
I glanced at my watch. OK I'd be standing here for like, ten minutes. I was probably just imagining things. It would be awkward to show up at the car with only four things in my bag and have to admit, "No, I ended up rooted on the street because I was positive you were deserting my ass in the middle of this cul de sac." Anyways, be realistic girl-brain: Rick wouldn't leave me. We had business to attend to together. We'd gotten close enough already, there's no way he'd pass up that opportunity.
On a one-eighty, I turned on my heel and creaked open the screen door to the next house. Wallpaper with flowers greeted me from every wall. This place was a disaster. It looked as though part of it had caught on fire, part had been turned over, and everything else broken.
I whacked the poker against the ceiling and heard, surprisingly, complete silence in response. The catastrophe inside had made me expect a zombie fight.
I jumped an accidental couch barricade into the kitchen and began my search. Holy crap, chocolate. That was so coming home with me. Tearing open the wrapper, I snapped off a chalky piece and popped it into my mouth. Even though it was slightly stale, I enjoyed the hell out of it.
After the chocolate discovery, I was a tad more thorough through the kitchen.
Upstairs I found a few pills that I'd never heard of, so I took them, but one that I had heard of: Viagra. I snickered to myself, but decided to not bring those puppies along with me. Hopefully Glenn didn't need those…
Checking my watch, I decided I had enough time to go through one more house.
The third had dried out flowers in dirty vases on every single table. And, oh my god, porcelain anthropomorphic pigs in various costumes set around the flowers. I actually laughed out loud. Did the same person decorate all these houses?
I grabbed a vase off the nearest coffee table and chucked it at a wall. The noise didnt bring anyone out. I was getting disappointed in the lack of zombie targets.
After the kitchen, I went upstairs. I found a decent size fish tank in the master bedroom. Opening up the creaky black cabinet under the tank, I actually found some fish penicillin and amoxicillin. I think that still counts as antibiotics even if the container has a fish on them.
The bathroom cabinets had more painkillers crammed into them than I'd ever seen in my life. I took a minute to absorb the sheer amount of them, then starting scooping them out with my arm into my bag. Vicki Rodgers from the Community Hospital of Macon must be seriously missing these if she's alive.
Checking Rick's watch again, I was about out of time. I'd managed a decent haul; though not as much food as I was hoping for.
I flounced out through the house, my combat boots lightly hitting each stair, dust rising out of the carpet.
I opened the door and found an unexpected scene greeting me down the street. It looked as though the two of them had been by the car for a few minutes already. Carol was taking an old canvas shopping bag out of Rick's hands.
Carol seemed to be crying quietly. Oh no. I approached carefully, completely confused. Rick was handing her another bag from out of the back of our car.
He looked so upset. She had a slightly desperate face on, gazing at Rick unbelievingly. Looking between the two of them, I suddenly understood. The real reason we came out here. He was making her leave. They weren't abandoning me; we were abandoning her.
"Grey," she said quietly, moving to me so he wouldn't hear, "Please take care of Rick. We were all so happy when you showed up, the whole group wished he someone. He talked about you almost non-stop after he visited you in your cell that first day. He's had a hard life since this started and I owe him my life many times over, he really deserved someone like you." Carol said, wiping away a tear. And then she hugged me, in a genuinely motherly way. I hadn't been hugged like that in ages. I hadn't felt like I had a family in a long time. Feeling the warmth and caring in her, I put my arms around her too, feeling a weird sense of loss. I felt my throat get tight and hot tears well up in my eyes.
She released me when Rick came over. She nodded at me like she was trying to tell me silently that it was all okay. I felt a tear roll down my face. Carol had been there for me, she helped make me feel at home. I felt like she understood me without us ever talking in detail about our pasts. I didn't want to do this, she was more part of the group than I was. I felt like I didn't deserve to be here.
Carol took off her own heavy watch and offered it to Rick, "It was Ed's anyway, and you'll be needing a new one since yours looks much better on her." She smiled through her sadness at me. He took the watch from her, looking down at it and saying thank you.
Rick handed her a set of car keys. Carol gave Rick one more final tragic look, opened the door to the dusty station wagon, threw her pack inside, and climbed in herself.
And then, simply, as though it was the easiest thing in the world, she followed the roundabout in the street and drove away.
Rick and I stared after her. After a minute or two of us looking the distance together, I held out my hand to him and found his. We stood there for a long time, saying nothing, not looking at each other, just holding hands.
And maybe because something terrible had just happened and I could feel the weight of it hanging in the air around him, I moved in to face him and snuggled into his chest, hugging him in the most comforting way I could imagine to. He nuzzled into my hair, holding me tightly back.
We drove back in utter silence, the air feeling thick. The lump in my throat still there. I wanted to ask Rick why he did it, but it wasn't the time yet. I noticed him glancing in the rear view mirror. Jesus, he wanted to see if she was following us. There was something about watching him look hopefully to that mirror that broke my heart. I watched him, watching the mirror, with tears rolling down my face. Rick had just lost someone else. He looked at me in a heartrending way and put his hand on top of mine. He checked the mirror again. But Carol wasn't back there. She was gone.
A/N: I dont know if you guys listen to music while you read, but I had Fascinoma's "I'm Walking This Road Because You Stole My Car (Dont Go)" on when I wrote that last Carol scene. It was actually pretty damn sad. So then I re-read it with Dustin O'halloran's "Opus 36" on and almost made myself cry :/