CHAPTER TWO: HONESTLY WHAT THE FUCK

Henry is a gift to world. Everyone knows that. Boy has a stomach so fragile that frog dissections for biology were a complete nope for him, and here he is helping them chop up deer brain into their chow mein.

"Just go crazy with the hot sauce," Emma instructs from the kitchen island, sitting on a stool next to Zelena.

"Got it, boss," Henry replies, super nasal because he's got a clothespin pinching his nose.

They feast greedily on their plates, and Henry kind of like, stares in absolute horror.

But it's a horror that comes with fascination, so he's also like, "whoa." How often is it that you get to watch zombies eat without also being a target for dessert?

"You're very calm about this whole thing," Zelena says when she finally minds her fucking manners, taking a napkin to wipe around her mouth. "Don't tell me Storybrooke has seen zombies before."

Henry shrugs. "There was that one time with Daniel, though I'm not sure if he ate people. He just sort of tore off Whale's arm."

"Christ."

"I'm sorry about some of your classmates, kid," Emma offers sympathetically.

"Don't be," he says. "Soon Mom's going to find a way to turn everyone back to normal."

Zelena and Emma stop eating and exchange a glance. Oh no. Regina, why. Why would you not tell your kid about this.

"What?"

"Kiddo," Emma begins shakily. "Your mom likely said that at the meeting for crowd control. There is no known cure for this. We're dead."

It takes a while for Henry to process, and then his face scrunches up, and he looks at Emma like he's seen her in a coffin at a wake. Because even if they're here now, even if they can still talk like normal and play video games and go out for burgers and milkshakes, it won't be that way in the end. You can't live a normal life as a goddamn zombie forever.

Emma rises from her stool and hugs him, sobbing with no tears coming out, and they both look so vulnerable in each other's arms that Zelena has to look away.

Henry is a gift to humanity. They are no longer a part of that.

[-]

Zelena hates herself. She used to do that a lot anyway, before she learned that Regina was everything, but now it's like, tenfold. Like ten U-hauls full of crates of self-loathing arrived in Zelena's driveway.

She cost Regina half her god damn family. She could have just been chill the night Emma found her with medulla all over her face, she could have spared Emma the grief of never getting fucked again or never sparring with her son with a sword again. She could have spared Emma the sorrow of having eaten Hook. Yeah she's never really liked him, but she ate the man. She ate him and when she sees Smee she wants to hurl because unlike their past sources of brain, they are both seeing the mourning happening.

She should have ran when she found out about herself. She should run now, while she still can.

With a backpack and rolling luggage, Zelena heads for the town line. It's better this way. She'll never have to worry about panicking and ripping open anyone she loves, or hates, or is lukewarm about.

But obviously she's not leaving just yet. The next day she'll still be here, helping with the damage and grieving her own dead heart out. So what changes her mind?

Seeing Mulan, pale like a marble statue and covered in deep red, standing there at the town line.

Instead of trying to justify herself like Zelena had tried to do when Emma had found her this exact way, Mulan's shoulders sag and she falls to her knees.

"I had to eat," she cries tearlessly, "I had to eat."

Zelena barely knows her but she drops her things and comes down to hug Mulan. She hugs her because damn, when she had her first real kill, she could have used one of these, too.

[-]

"Deer brain's not cutting it, sis," Zelena says, pointing a sharp finger down at Regina's desk where she sits. "It's not kosher."

"And eating human brains is?" Regina counters.

"If you think crowding a bunch of starving zombies in one house is going to do anything for your containment strategy for much longer, you're asking for a real zombie apocalypse. What happens when herd mentality kicks in? No one is safe."

"What do you want me to do, then?"

Zelena swallows. "You need to find a way to put us all in different realm. Grow a magic bean. Write another curse, but make it undead-specific."

Regina rises, and there's real hurt in her eyes. Her shoulders are tense and honestly Zelena how the fuck dare you even suggest this. "If I do that, you and Emma stay."

"Not gonna happen," she says tersely. It's heartbreaking. It really is. But Zelena just spent last night cleaning the blood of Mulan's body and giving her new clothes all the while she shook and experienced the memories of the bro she ate. If she and Emma stay, people are still at risk, and this will all be a disgusting red, pink, and white cycle.

Regina cries. Oh how Zelena wishes she could still cry.

Then Blue runs in, out of breath, legs and arms shaking underneath her black dress. "We have an emergency. At the farmhouse."

Blue never comes to Regina for anything, mind this. And Blue is the kind of asshole that, given her way, these zombies wouldn't be seeing the light of day. They'd have been gotten rid of days ago, for the "greater good." But no, this time she's got to think of her own. Among them are Astrid and Tink, after all.

When they get to the farmhouse, Zelena really, really wishes she could still cry. Firemen are still putting out a flames at the back of the house. Paramedics are at the center of a small crowd, though, heh, what are you going to do, resuscitate zombies?

Zelena makes a count of the zombies she can see outside. Fifteen. Three, where the meds are, are covered in white sheets, stains of red concentrated in the head area.

Emma is by the non-zombie crowd, holding Granny back as she wails inconsolably.

Regina walks slowly to the bodies, not daring to lift the sheets but instead has one of the meds whisper to her. Her face goes from merely serious to silent horror, and when she's heard the names listed––Tink, Ruby, and Whale––she turns to both the zombie and human crowds.

"Who did this?" she asks, barely any breath in it. And when there is no answer, she lowers her head and clenches her fist and speaks louder, like the good ol' Evil Queen days. "Who did this?"

"They're not people," someone in the human crowd shouts back. They disperse to reveal Smee. "They were once but they're not anymore."

"They're not human anymore," Regina growls. "But they are people."

But Smee is not having it. Dude is so angry. And he should be; his best friend was killed, there's no body to mourn, and no one else seems to care. But he's going red in the face, shouting filth at Regina and Emma has to restrain him.

She makes the mistake of calling him "mate."

She doesn't even notice the way Smee goes ab-so-lute-ly fucking quiet, the way the anger turns from shock to revelation right back to fury, like one complete emotional orbit. Oh, but Zelena does. She sees him pull out a god damn knife before Emma can even look down.

So Zelena lunges. Topples Smee right over the grass. Hisses. Gurgles. Feels her vision go funny in the way it only does when her victims are struggling but then Regina shouts her name and she snaps out of it. She gazes below at the scared shitless Smee. She lifts her head and looks around at everyone, who back away slowly.

Fuck. She just had to take one for the flippin' team.

[-]

The townspeople are going wild in front of town hall.

How long was Zelena a zombie? Why did you not keep her in the farmhouse, too? Who are you protecting, Madam Mayor? Us or them? Are you using them? Are they a weapon? Are you going evil again?

Emma is behind the curtain, actually praying with a motherfucking rosary.

[-]

Emma is scared. Like, getting caught by the cops with a bag full of stolen watches that her shitty boyfriend left her with scared. Pregnant and in prison scared. Giving birth scared.

She hasn't been able to contact Zelena at all. They all dubbed her the most dangerous––she jumped the radar for the longest, she's the newest in town and therefore has less attachment and therefore has no qualms over killing people. Idiot went and took the fall for Hook, too. Moron.

She's running out of hair dye and foundation. Fuck fuck fuck. And she can't just swoop into the general store looking like this to restock, either, not when everyone has an open eye where they once had it shut. She needs to go to Regina's. But when she goes downstairs, Snow is there, looking up at her. She has baby Neal in her arms.

She's been crying. "Emma, sweetheart, we need to talk."

Emma swallows, holding her arms. "About what?"

When she gets to the bottom of the steps, Snow backs away. No, mom, please don't do that. Don't do that to me.

"Your eyes were green," she says. "They're not anymore."

Emma's face scrunches up. She wants a hug but she's not going to get that, and even if she did, it would be one hell of a bad move. She nods, sobbing. "I'm going to get out of here, Mom," Emma wobbles. "It's okay. I'll be gone."

"No," Snow protests. "You don't have to. We can find a way to make this work."

Emma cries, but it's all lumps in throats and muscle movements. She'll never get the satisfaction of tears running down her face. "Dad couldn't stay and neither could I."

Snow shakes her head, her own eyes welling up with tears and she still has Neal in her arms when she hugs Emma, puts her head right under Emma's nose.

"Mom, I haven't eaten for days," she warns, she cries.

"It's okay, Emma. I love you."

Emma feels her vision go blurry and a hole in her stomach begins to open. "Mom."

[-]

The last time Regina received a text from Emma going come to Snow's right now, it was for a surprise potluck party. Granny had brought in Regina's favorite shepherd's pie, Emma made tacos. Snow and Charming made her an ice cream cake, and Zelena, of course, provided the wine.

When Regina opens the door to Snow's apartment, well––it's a feast, all right.

Emma sits next to Snow's immobile body, rocking herself back and forth in a crazed daze while Neal cries frantically in his crib next to the couch. Emma had put a towel over Snow's head, to hide the damage.

"Emma," Regina whispers, and she legit does not know what in the world to feel. This is honestly Too. Much.

"She wouldn't listen to me," Emma says in a disturbingly high pitched voice, holding her head and rocking, rocking, the blood on her hands making bright streaks down her white cheeks. "She knew and she still couldn't help herself. Didn't anyone tell her not to hug hungry zombies? Why did we have to be zombies? Why couldn't we be like Octavia Butler vampires, with less death and more polyamorous sex?"

"I should have listened to Zelena," Regina says, shaking. She doesn't know why Snow would be the last straw of all things, but fuck, this is sick. And not like the hey-Regina-watch-me-skate-on-the-roof-of-the-B-and-B sick. "I should have sent you all somewhere else, somewhere safer."

Emma stops rocking. For a moment it's just Neal's shrill cries in the air until Emma looks up at Regina. "You can still fix this."

Regina is still fixated on the towel over Snow's head that she doesn't pay attention when Emma rises until she hears the click of a gun. Her head shoots in Emma's direction.

"What are you doing?" Regina demands as Emma places the gun in Regina's hands, leaving maroon stains on the back of her palms. Then she lifts her hands so that the end of the barrel meets Emma's forehead.

Regina loses all breathing capability. "No."

"You have to kill me," Emma says sadly, with finality, like it's the only god damn way.

"You just ate Snow White's self-righteous self-sacrificial brain, are you sure this is a good idea?"

Emma nods. "You have to do it, Regina. And after me you have to do it to Zelena, to David, to everyone." She smiles, and it's so fucking wrong. "Please."

Regina shakes her head, tries to pull her arms back but Emma's grip is killer. "I'm not going to kill you."

"I'm already dead, Regina."

"No, I'm not going to do it!" she cries, and fuck, it's Daniel all over again. This is the cruelest thing to happen to her to fucking date. "Don't make me do it, Emma, please."

Emma's face hardens, and her nails threaten to dig into Regina's fingers, and Regina almost yelps in terror. "Shoot me, Regina!" she shouts, angrily. "Pull the fucking trigger!"

"Emma, let me go!"

"Do it!" Emma's eyes go dark and her mouth is opening wider and wider and––"Or I'll fucking devour you––"

A loud bang later, Emma falls to the floor. Black and red substance flies off to splatter on Regina's face. It feels like mud. She screams, and screams, and screams.

"And that's how my dream last night went," Zelena concludes, taking a sip of her iced tea.

Regina and Emma are holding one another protectively at the other side of the booth, staring at Zelena with horrified eyes.

"The fuck is wrong with you?" says Emma.

"Whatever you ate before you went to bed, please don't eat it again," Regina mumbles.

"Oh come on," Zelena drawls. "It was only a dream. Zombies aren't a thing."

"That shit was so vivid it was probably a premonition," Emma counters.

"Alright, so I added some details for the sake of storytelling. Take a chill pill, Swan."

Emma sighs, and soon she and Regina disentangle to receive their meals from Ruby, who, thank gods, is not a zombie, and is not dead.

"I'll hand it to you, Zelena," Regina starts. "Your head comes up with very interesting nonsense.

"Doesn't it?" Zelena beams, satisfied, mouthful of chicken tender. "I should write a book about it, to be honest. Could someone pass the hot sauce?"

END