Chapter nine

Adam wandered out to the front room to find Kono on the couch reading a book. It wasn't often that Adam saw Kono taking time out to read, to be fair she didn't have much time with her job but since she was still on leave recovering she had started to do other things that brought her pleasure reading being one of them.

"Morning babe" Adam grinned as he bent to kiss Kono softly being careful to not startle her.

"Morning"

"You okay?" Adam asked with concern.

Kono fidgeted and stiffened knowing where Adam was going.

"Yes I'm fine" Kono replied.

"Babe you had two nightmares last night and numerous throughout the week. Every time you wake up in a panic petrified of me because you think it's him, you then try and stay awake and just avoid sleep so you don't have the nightmares or you get up and come and sleep on the couch so you don't keep waking me. I don't want my fiancé sleeping in another room and I know damn well you sit up and read to avoid the sleep when you're out here…how long have you been awake today? Since four o clock this morning?" Adam asked worriedly his tone harsh but with love.

"I don't know what you're trying to say Adam but I'm fine I can deal with the nightmares" Kono bit back.

"But you're not Kono because avoiding sleep doesn't solve the problem neither does hiding it from me. The other night when you had a nightmare early in the morning I know that you wet the bed and you told me to go make you breakfast so you could change the sheets…I don't care if that happens it part of the nightmare but you can't live your life like that." Adam said desperately.

Kono blushed hearing that Adam knew she had an accident. She hated the nightmares but she could deal with it she was dealing with it…so what if she lost a little sleep.

"Adam what are you trying to say?"

"I think you need to see someone…"

"No I'm not crazy Adam!" Kono snapped

"I never said you were babe but what you went through…it's not something you can forget…"

"You don't think I know that Adam I re-live what happened every night and I don't need to re-live it to some shrink!"

"Baby"

"Don't Adam…just don't" Kono said waving Adam off as she left the room.

Adam sighed in defeat and slumped on the couch. He didn't want to fight with Kono or pressure her into something but he also knew the nightmares wouldn't just disappear.

Adam and Kono walked into HQ bringing with them a frosty atmosphere which didn't go unnoticed by the team. Chin quirked an eyebrow as the couple entered noting how his cousin's small hands were not entwined with Adams. Of course they weren't inseparable but the gesture was something that Kono loved not that she would admit it.

"Hey guys how are you doing?" Danny asked cheerfully.

"Fine" Kono snapped before stalking off to the break room without addressing anyone else.

"What's wrong with her?" Chin asked worriedly.

"We had an argument this morning" Adam sighed despondently.

"What about?" Steve questioned.

"She keeps having nightmares really bad ones and she tried to avoid sleeping full stop because of them. So I tried to talk to her this morning about talking to someone about it but she bit my head of and stormed out. I had practically begged her to even come see you guys." Adam explained.

"Mate it's not your fault" Chin sighed patting Adam's back knowing the Japanese man would blame himself.

"Maybe I should have insisted she see someone the minute I found out" Adam said.

"No you wouldn't have known none of us did…if you think about it she kept the whole thing from all of us so it's understandable that she would want to keep it from a shrink" Chin pointed out.

"I know but I wish she wouldn't try and deal with it all herself. I know she has let her guard down with me a few times but her stubborn ways are still there"

"That's Kono Adam but I agree with you she needs to speak to someone and maybe someone that isn't you or me…she's too close to us" Chin sighed wishing he could comfort Kono but knowing it wouldn't help her.

Steve watched with intensity as his friends discussed Kono. He of course had no idea how she felt being sexually abused but he himself had been attacked on multiple occasions as well as dealing with PTSD and nightmares from his time in the Navy. He wasn't one for emotions but Ohana meant nobody was left behind and right now his young friend was being left behind from the others. Steve turned and looked towards the corner that led to the break room; before he knew it his feet were leading him there his hands waving off his friends who questioned his movements.

Steve hovered in the doorway looking at the back of Kono. She was sat with her knees to her chest eating a tub of ice-cream contently. Steve could see the tension residing in her shoulders from the way her body failed to relax when she let out a breath.

"Please don't hover Steve" Kono mumbled in between mouthfuls not even looking behind her to see who it was.

Steve smirked slightly and moved to sit next to her, keeping a comfortable distance.

"How did you know it was me?"

"My Spidey senses still work, besides I heard you walking up so I knew someone was coming and if it had been one of the others they would have walked straight in and try hugging me or something" Kono informed platonically.

"I'm impressed." Steve said as he snatched the ice-cream and spoon from Kono and helping himself to the chocolatey feast.

He didn't miss the way she flinched at his action and he mentally kicked himself for scaring her. He watched out of his peripheral vision as she hugged her knees closer and steadied her hitched breath.

"Sorry" He whispered.

"It's okay" She mumbled in embarrassment.

Steve could tell she was uncomfortable and forcing her to talk about what happened or how she was feeling would get him nowhere. He knew from experience how annoying it was to have someone focus on one bad thing that had happened. Kono needed someone to talk to her normally again not like she was about to break.

"You know I don't get how you manage to eat so much of this stuff don't you know what vegetables are?" Steve chuckled lightly.

"Well sugar is yummy I have a sweet tooth" Kono said with a hint of a smile.

"I'd hate to see your fridge"

"Adam doesn't let me buy food he says if he did it would all be sugar"

"He's a wise man"

Kono smiled briefly and tapped her knees. She was glad to talk about something else other than what happened or how she was feeling she hoped Steve wouldn't try and get through to her.

"Did the Adam send you in to talk to me?"

"Ahh no I had walked here before I even knew it" Steve said with a grin.

"Cheers!" Kono laughed actually laughed. "Are they talking about me?"

"Erm yes but only because their worried and love you we all do but I don't do emotional shit so we can discuss something else"

"So if I did want to talk you would leave me on my own because you couldn't handle the emotion?" Kono asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No your my friend if you needed me I would be there…do you want to talk about stuff?"

"No"

"Didn't think so" Steve looked to Kono and could already see her relaxing. "Want to grab a beer just us?"

"You asking me on a date McGarrett?" Kono mocked.

"You wish" Steve laughed as he stood up.

Steve lead the way through to the main room Kono following behind him her body less tense and strained. She smiled weakly at the others as Steve spoke.

"Were grabbing a beer…I'll drop Kono home later Adam" Steve stated simply before walking out Kono hot on his heels.

Kono laughed heartily as she enjoyed her beer in the evening breeze with Steve. They had been talking and catching up for a few hours already discussing good surfing spots, work and mocking their friends. Kono was actually enjoying herself for the first time in weeks and the smile on her face wasn't even fake. She had a feeling that Steve was trying to ease her before becoming serious but for now she would enjoy the mockery they were inflicting upon the guys.

"The hair though he has more product in it than me!" Kono laughed loudly.

"He's like a smurf and he's way too protective of his hair"

"Thank goodness Grace didn't inherit it!"

"Oh imagine…and what's with Chin and the aloha shirts!"

"He's been wearing them since before I was born"

"Nooo"

"Yes he would pick me up from school and wait in the playground…I swear you couldn't miss him!" Kono chuckled happy tears in her eyes.

"I think Adam's starting to give Danny a run for his money in the hair game though…there's never a hair out of place"

"Adam is not a vein man despite his good looks but if there's one thing with his appearance that he does fuss over it's his hair"

"It is perfect"

"I know he makes me look bad"

"Never!" Steve chuckled.

The laughter began to calm and the two polished of their beers. Kono's phone then began to ring and Adam's picture flashed across the screen. Kono sighed and ignored the call trying to avoid Steve's gaze.

"You know he loves you right" Steve stated casually.

"I know but his concern is overwhelming" Kono sighed.

"You're like me…"

"How's that?"

"Stubborn, independent, would rather contain your emotions and deal with it yourself" Steve pointed out simply as he waved the bartender for more beer.

"How come's they don't give you grief"

"I'm a MAN!" Steve called out comically.

"What's that supposed to mean McGarett!" Kono exclaimed in mock offence.

"Ohhh Kalakaua chill" Steve laughed as he nudged her leg gently.

Kono giggled at Steve knowing he was trying to break her walls down. The thing was it was starting to work. Maybe it was the beer.

"Look I don't want to force you to open up and tell me what's going on in your head but just hear me out okay" Steve asked softly as he took his new beer.

"Okay" Kono mumbled softly.

"When I was in the Navy I saw a lot…a lot of really hard stuff. Stuff that I wouldn't wish upon anyone to see and not that I would admit it then but it affected me but we were trained not to show emotion and so I apply that to everything and most of the time for me it works. I don't need to sit and tell someone what I'm thinking but on certain occasions when I have let my emotions show its hit me hard because I've kept it buried for so long." Steve explained.

"So you're saying I shouldn't keep everything bottled up and I should tell everyone what I'm thinking and feeling?" Kono asked knowingly.

"I'm saying that you don't have to be strong all the time and talking can help but you need to do so on your terms"

Kono looked to Steve with a questioning look.

"So you're on my side?"

"There aren't sides Kono but I understand what it's like to have someone try and get through to you and push you to talk as though it's the easiest thing in the world because they don't understand"

"I don't want to upset Adam and I hate that I keep snapping at him, but between him, Chin and Danny there driving me mad! I know it's out of love but it's too much. I just I don't know how to tell…or I…"

"You don't have to tell them everything about how you're feeling at once" Steve pointed out his tone light and casual so Kono didn't feel embarrassed.

"But they keep pushing"

"So use that stubborn streak and tell them it's too much. I know talking to Adam is probably the hardest but he really is the one you need to be talking to so tell Chin and Danny to back of then decide how much to tell Adam but make sure you give him something…it's small steps Kono."

"I don't know what to say to him sometimes…"

"Kono look at me" Steve instructed as he moved his chair closer to her and leaned in. "Adam's worried about the nightmares…tell him to drop it. You will get nightmares possibly for ever I still get them from my time in the Navy. There awful and scary and you do need to talk about them but that isn't your first priority"

"Then what is?"

Steve took a deep breath and held Kono's hand. He had met rape victims in the past and had some awareness on how they overcame it. He knew Kono was a strong woman but he needed to break her to help her recover.

"Do you blame yourself Kono?" Steve asked quietly as he waited for an answer giving Kono all the time she needed.

Kono choked on a sob at what Steve asked her. No one had questioned her on it yet and she had kept burying the idea that it was her fault. Part of her was screaming that she couldn't do anything about it she didn't encourage anything but most of her believed she was to blame somehow and as a result deserved to suffer with night terrors and the memories.

"Yes"

Steve dropped Kono home later that night making sure he walked her to the door. He knocked and waited for Adam to let them in since Kono didn't have a key. When Adam opened the door the only emotions on his face were love and concern. Steve looked him in the eye giving him a look that said 'just listen to her' and with that Steve left them to it.

Adam led Kono to the couch where they had sat and argued that morning. He didn't want to push her; something about Steve's look suggested he shouldn't so he didn't. He just waited, his hand laid out for Kono if she wanted it. Kono looked to his hand and closed her eyes. Somehow Steve had broken her walls and when she was better she was going to kick his arse but right now she was pleased. He hadn't pushed her and gave her every opportunity to back out but she didn't because he put her at ease.

Kono slipped her hand into Adam's and looked into his eyes. "I blame myself for being raped" she admitted quietly.

Adam wasn't sure how to react. He didn't want to smother her or make her back off but he also didn't want her every believing such a ridiculous idea. He brought a hand to Kono's neck and rested his forehead against hers.

"It wasn't your fault Kono it wasn't your fault" Adam repeated.

"If I hadn't gone undercover and worn them outfits, or if I hadn't let him drug me or fought harder…" Kono sobbed.

"No no…you couldn't prevent that and your fought so damn hard Kono…he was a disgusting being who had the sick idea that hurting you would be good revenge for him being caught. It was his fault Kono not yours…it…it was Carsons fault not yours" Adam stated sternly as Kono looked trustingly into his eyes. "Repeat it Kono"

"It…it was his…"

"Say his name"

"C…C…it was Carsons fault" Kono said as she leant into Adam a sense of relief washing over her.

"I will tell you every day Kono that it wasn't your fault if that's what you need" Adam reassured. "But I do think you should talk to someone…"

"Adam" Kono said as she placed a finger on his lips. "Your pushing me…I … I can't just tell your every little thing I feel. It's just too much…I can't deal with my feelings and the nightmares and the possibility of talking to someone. I know you're doing it out of love but it's too much and Chin and Danny won't stop ringing me asking me how I am and what I feel…"

"Okay" Adam simply said.

"Yeah?"

"I can't let you bury your feeling's but maybe I can let you come to me when you want to talk rather than me pushing you?"

"That sounds okay" Kono smiled.

"But if you don't talk…"

"I will I promise…Steve really broke down my walls"

"Oh what's the secret?" Adam asked lightly.

"He wasn't so close…I mean he's close but he's not family like Chin or hasn't seen me naked" Kono giggled.

"Hmmm he's missing out" Adam joked.

"This is what I need Adam us just being us…joking and not constantly thinking about what happened"

"Is that what Steve did?"

"Yeah then he told me a few things from his time in the Navy and how he still gets nightmares…he said I need to talk to someone but he said I can do it in my own time."

"Well I'll let you decide when the time is right"

"I didn't even think but I'll have to speak to a shrink if I want to return to work at some point so I guess putting it off won't help" Kono admitted.

"Hmmm but we don't have to rush"

"We?"

"Yeah I'll be by your side if you want me"

"I always want you"

"I can't blame you really have you seen my hair!"

Kono feel about laughing in hysterics her eyes watering in joy as Adam joined in tickling her sides and mucking about as though nothing bad had happened.