The Misadventures of the Chained Warden

Thirty seconds until minions spawn.

Thresh, the Chained Warden swung his chained scythe around in anticipation for the coming match as he sat in a bush near the red buff to help his team's jungler, Lee Sin, the Blind Monk.

"Hmm… I wonder how I should inflict pain this time?" he mused out loud.

Next to him, Vayne, the Night Hunter, shifted uncomfortably.

"Would you keep your blasted ideas to yourself?" she grumbled, "I'm having enough issues dealing with the fact that I'm going to be shooting… myself!"

Thresh chuckled darkly at his adc's misery (the tunes are so sweet wouldn't you agree?).

"All the better… hehehehehe…"

Vayne looked like she was about to retort, when suddenly out of nowhere a blast of purple energy shot through the trees… but missed both Vayne and Thresh by a wide arch.

"HEHEHEHE WHAT KIND OF SHOT WAS TH-."

Thresh didn't get to finish his sentence as the blast suddenly split into two directions, one of them slamming right into Thresh's face. The Chained Warden staggered back in surprise before shaking his head and glaring.

"WHO IN THE HELL DID THAT?!"

Vayne smirked at the undead warden's plight.

"It seems that the new guy's aim is pretty spot on… I think I'm beginning to like him… although he is from the void…" she said.

Thresh's retort was drowned out by the voice overhead.

Minions have spawned.

Thresh huffed and stomped down towards the bush closest to the red buff where he saw Lee Sin and Lulu, the Fae Sorceress laughing their butts off.

"Oh man that was gold!" cried Lulu in between laughs, her posture very similar to the laugh of the Loose Cannon.

Lee Sin simply continued to laugh. If Thresh had an eyebrow it would be twitching violently.

"STOP LAUGHING!" he roared in a very similar fashion of a certain Tiny Master of Evil…

"ACHOOO!"

…

…

…

"You're the Grand Master of 'Achoo'?" asked Teemo, the Swift Scout in confusion.

Next to him Rumble, the Mechanical Menace and Tristana, the Megling Gunner tried to hold back their laughter.

"You really don't seem too evil to me!" said Rumble.

The yordle in question in the over sized purple hat shook in anger.

"I AM EVIL!" shouted Veigar, "STOP LAUGHING!"

And then he glared at the sky.

"AND STOP STEALING MY LINES!"

Thresh huffed and turned to glare at the campfire at the red buff trying to ignore the snickers from his teammates. It was nearly time for the red buff to spawn when-

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" screamed Vayne as she came running like the devil himself was after her.

Well… it may very well have been the devil as a demonic looking jester came running right behind her with his usual insane smile. Thresh felt excitement build at the thought of an early fight as he swung his scythe to throw only to see the hulking form of Renekton, Butcher of the Sands following the jester closely, his angry eyes set on the retreating Night Hunter. Still, Thresh knew that it was two on four so he continued the process of throwing his hook making it hit it's mark, which happened to be Shaco, the Demon Jester. Shaco immediately stopped in favor of struggling to free himself from his shackles but with his demonic smile still in place… then again Thresh is no better. His head is a floating skull for crying out loud. But continuing with the story, Thresh's hook allowed Vayne a few precious seconds to escape to the safety of her team… only for them to find out that the rest of the other team was flanking from the opposite direction. Thresh spotted the other Vayne, Leona, the Radiant Dawn, and a… Thresh stared.

"A giant… freaking floating eyeball… with tentacles…" he said.

The said eyeball simply blinked at Thresh while it's tentacles twirled around. Vayne and Lulu eyed the tentacles while shivering a bit causing Thresh to groan.

"For the love of god this is NOT a freaking hentai-fic!" he roared.

Everybody stopped what they were doing in favor of staring at Thresh.

"Uh… what are you doing?" asked Lee Sin.

"I'M BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!" roared Thresh.

Suddenly a man wearing a red jumpsuit that covered his whole body with two katanas across his back appeared out of nowhere.

"Hey bro that's my job!" he said indignantly before looking around, "And by the way do you guys happen to have some chimichung-."

"WRONG F***ING FRANCHISE YOU IMBECILE!" roared Thresh before booting the man to kingdom come before turning to yell up at the sky, "AND WHY THE F*** ARE YOU BLEEPING MY CUSSING?! VAYNE JUST F*** CUSSED JUST A WHILE AGO YOU SH**HEAD!"

Leona blinked at this.

"Well… that was random…"

Everybody nodded in agreement… before continuing to kill each other. And for some reason the enemy team decided to focus Thresh first.

"OH F*** YOU!"

First Blood.

Things weren't looking too great, it was the middle of the game and the other team was at an advantage thanks to a successful heist of the red buff as well as a couple of kills… one of them being the Chained Warden.

"I'M STILL BITTER ABOUT THAT!"

"Who the hell are you yelling at?" asked Vayne in confusion.

"I'M YELLING A-," Thresh started to lament when suddenly he noticed something, "WAIT WHAT THE F*** YOU'RE THE OTHER TEAM'S VAYNE!"

The Vayne in question blinked before cocking her head.

"How'd you know?" she asked.

"BECAUSE MY VAYNE DIED A FEW SECONDS AGO! HOW THE HELL WERE YOU ABLE TO KILL YOUR OWN MINIONS?!"

"I didn't."

"…What?"

Suddenly the said minions jumped up from where they lay.

"SURPRISE MOTHA FUCKA!" they yelled at the same time.

"OH F*** ME!"

Thresh immediately hi-tailed it out of there with a bunch of minions and two enemy champions on his tail the whole while screaming at the top of his lungs:

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAX!"

You have been slain.

Thresh grumbled to himself as he stalked towards the middle lane.

"Stupid team, stupid adc, stupid hax stupid everything!" he cursed as he continued on.

His team had by some miracle not lost any towers even though they were down 20 – 0.

"Greedy a**holes," grumbled Thresh before sticking his middle finger up to the sky.

Thresh finally arrived at the middle lane to see that there was nobody else there.

Guess I can use this time to farm up a bit.

Thresh immediately started to clear the lane waiting for his mid laner to return. Suddenly a great ray of sunlight slammed down upon the Chained Warden.

"OH C'MON!"

Right afterwards, a sword of sunlight slashed into Thresh and Leona came flying out of the brush. She immediately slammed Thresh with her sun-powered shield-

"IT'S CALLED SOLAR POWER YOU IMBECILE!"

… Sun-powered. And Leona looked at Thresh like he was an idiot.

"F*** YOU!"

Suddenly the floating eyeball appeared before Thresh staring intently at him. Thresh stared back in his stunned state. Suddenly the eyeball began to talk-.

"HOW THE F*** DOES A FLOATING EYEBALL TALK?!" roared Thresh, "IT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A MOUTH!"

The eyeball stared at Thresh before speaking up again telepathically.

"Oh… that makes sense… what does he say?"

"DOCTOR OCTAGONAPUS," started the eyeball.

"OH SHI-," started Thresh.

"BWAAAAAAAAAAAH!" roared the eyeball as it shot a great purple laser at the Chained Warden.

"AAAAAARRRRGGH!"

You have been slain.

The match continued on, as Thresh looked frantically this way and that like a paranoid freak.

"Piss off I'm not in the mood," growled Thresh.

Thresh continued scouting the river near bottom turret. Lee Sin came walking down soon after. Suddenly the sound of an orchestra started to be heard.

"WTF?"

Lee Sin didn't seem to notice as he focused on chasing the eyeball. It was then that Thresh noticed Leona attempting to sneak behind the Blind Monk. Thresh immediately threw his hook and caught Leona, but when he did the sound of trumpets made him jump a bit.

"Why am I starting to get a bad feeling about this?"

Meanwhile the music started to get louder and more intense. Thresh tried to ignore it as he and Lee Sin continued to pummel Leona forcing her to flash away. Suddenly it clicked to Thresh.

"I know this song! It's the Superman Theme Song!" said Thresh as he threw his hook at Leona effectively grabbing her, "Why would… wait…"

Suddenly Thresh felt void energy build under him right when he pulled towards Leona.

"Oh… SH**!"

Right as the song hit it's climax note, Thresh was sent flying high in the air by the eyeball's knock-up ability.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

Thresh continued to fly high up in the air until he was a little spec in the sky. Everybody stopped and looked up to watch as the Chained Warden screamed like a little girl…

FI-

"OH F*** NO YOU'RE NOT FINISHING IT HALF-ASSED LIKE THIS!"

…Fine.

TO BE CONTINUED… MAYBE… HUE HUE HUE…