Chapter 5: A Remote Tower
The Enigma made his way back to the training hall with more than a spring in his step. He was practically skipping along (as best as he could with one leg anyway). As he crossed the bridge on the path between the palace and the musketeer training hall, he passed by Terry the turtle. The turtle was sitting on the railing on the bridge, but he immediately went into his shell when he saw the Enigma passing by. The Enigma's tail swished about and smacked the ground in frantic excitement.
"Oh no," said Terry from within his shell. He came out and said, "When the bad guy is that happy, it always, always means..." he pulled out a sousaphone from his shell, propped it on his shoulders, and finished his sentence with: "Bad guy song!" He put the mouthpiece on the instrument and blew a few deep, foreboding notes. The song began just as the Enigma made his way into his office.
"I was born to cheat and lie. I'm a mean, rotten guy! When you ask me why I'm nasty, here's my reason why..." He pointed to an intimidating picture of a stern female platypus. It was his former nurse. She was his primary influence when he was young. He often referred to her as his mother and she his son, but that doesn't mean their relationship was all that solid. "At that stork delivery, Mommy screamed: 'Woe is me! Such a dork! Hey, Mr. Stork, behold my misery! Enigma's ghastly, he's a blob! He's a nasty, naughty slob!' Can it, sister. I'm the mister who will get the job!" He had taken a ride down a secret chute into an underground tunnel system. The tunnel (beneath his chair) closed at the top as soon as he closed his end. Leaving his self-obsessed office behind, he continued on his way as the music continued.
The Enigma made his way to an old rail system. It used to transport coal. Now, it was a transport to an entirely different place. As he went down the rails in the old coal car, he continued, "So, I'm nasty, I'm no good, I'll be king! Knock on wood. I'll impress ya though I'm just a common, lowly hood! If you can't be loved, be feared. Don't get shoved, sheep get sheared. Be the king, pull the strings or else you might get smeared!" At this point, the rail ended at a stop block. The car harshly hit it, sending the platypus flying to a basket. This basket was attached to a pulley system. As he went down, the counterweight (a basket with bricks in it) went up.
The Enigma went on, "I'm so happy I could dance, seize my chance, I'll advance! Come and cheer me, love and fear me, Enigma's King of France!" He hit the bottom softly and safely. He held onto the rope and handed his hat to his assistant. She eagerly grabbed for it as he said, "Evening, trusted lieutenant, watch out for the bricks." It was true, as soon as he let go, the bricks were coming down with full force.
"What?" asked the Silver Viper. She hadn't paid attention enough to what he was saying. This was to a deficit to her, especially since the basket of bricks fell on her head.
The song went on, "Come and cheer me, love and fear me, Enigma's King of France!" He kept the last note going even as the music ended... and this didn't go unnoticed. "Why'd the music stop?" the Enigma asked, mood broken. His musketeer captain clothes had since been abandoned for his bad guy clothes (which were not very flattering, even for him).
Meanwhile, in "La Pit," the three goons were trying to ease their boredom. Dr. Diminutive was drawing in the clay with a stick, Dr. Bloodpudding was playing jacks, and Rodney was reading a book on what appeared to be Quantum Physics. As it happened, the picture Dr. Diminutive had drawn resembled the Enigma (and not in a flattering way). The Enigma came to the edge of the pit and looked in.
"Greetings, blokes," said the Enigma, his tone angry and sinister. It almost had a hint of amusement in it, but his expression betrayed otherwise. Once the three saw him, they each made haste to hide their slothful activities. Dr. Diminutive scribbled his crude drawing away, Dr. Bloodpudding thrust the jacks into his mouth, and Rodney ripped out a few pages of the book and stuffed them in his jacket for later. The rest of the book was mushed into the dirt. The Enigma rolled his eyes and leaned down close to them as best as he could without falling in. "Do you think you might have some spare time to go and snatch the princess?" he asked.
"Yeah, I think," said Dr. Diminutive, holding up a watch as he said this.
"Well, quit thinking and do it! The opera's tomorrow night!" said Enigma. Everyone looked to the poster on the other wall and the mysterious choir sung again. This time, the Enigma seemed vaguely aware of the singers. He blinked in confusion before continuing his line of conversation. "The job must be done by then, remember?" he steamed.
"How can we help?" asked Dr. Diminutive.
The Enigma rolled his eyes. Oh, the imbecility I must deal with... he thought. He spoke slowly and clearly. "I want you to grab her, find a remote tower somewhere and lock her away forever so that no one may ever find her again! Do you understand me, you goons?"
"Sure thing, boss," they all said, saluting the Enigma before climbing out of the pit and heading on their way.
Meanwhile, Perry, Pinky, and Doofy were on a carriage. Perry and Pinky were standing in the back and Doofy was driving, the reins for the horses in one hand and a book in the other. It was a guide to musketeering for the evil mind. It was a beautiful day for a carriage ride. Perry took a deep breath of the sweet air. "Isn't this musketeering stuff great?" he asked Pinky.
"You bet!" said Pinky.
In the carriage was none other than the princess herself: Penelope. Her lady-in-waiting, Isabella, was with her. "Isn't it romantic, Izzy? Being protected by three dashing musketeers?" She giggled childishly. "And the little one is so handsome."
The two girls were enjoying some food. Penelope had grubs in a container (a delicacy for platypuses) along with some grape juice and Isabella was having some lamb meat and grape juice. It was a fairly good deal, especially considering the fact that they were traveling.
Isabella said, "Yeah, he's kinda cute and all, but you're forgetting something. They're musketeers. Commoners. Non-college bound. You know what that means." Penelope had been trying to get a grub in her mouth after it began crawling up her arm, but she suddenly stopped short, tongue still sticking out.
"Our love is... forbidden?" asked Penelope.
Isabella tore off some meat from a leg with her teeth harshly before saying, "Bingo."
"A forbidden love! How romantic..." Penelope had that dreamy expression on her face before finally catching the grub in her fingers and eating it. As she chewed, she never lost that same dreamy expression.
As the carriage went down the road, the three musketeers failed to notice the three bad guys in the tree. They stood on a limb and, when the carriage was beneath them, they jumped onto it, swords drawn. Chaos ensued from there.
"Bad guys!" said Perry.
"Bad guys!" said Pinky.
"Bad guys?" asked Doofy. He hadn't seen anything. He was too distracted with his reading. The horses, however, got the point. They reared up with a whinnying and off they ran.
Dr. Bloodpudding made a slice for the two musketeers at the back. "Yikes!" said Perry. Pinky just shook violently and yipped. He rushed inside the carriage, to protection. This surprised the girls, but back outside, Perry was taking action. He stood atop the carriage and said, "Okay, you, en garde!" He drew his sword.
"En garde? French words make me mad!" He made slices at Perry's sword (a somewhat inferior sword since it broke apart with each slice). When Perry had no sword left, the bad guy sliced at his clothing. It fell apart, revealing nothing but his teal fur. He tipped his hat, a signature move (albeit out of context).
On the carriage went. Penelope and Isabella were inside, both trying to push the little Chihuahua, Pinky, back outside to fight. They pushed from either side of his little body, all the while, Isabella said, "Get out there and fight! You coward!"
Back outside, Rodney and Dr. Diminutive joined Doofy in the driver's seat (Rodney at Doofy's left and Dr. Diminutive at his right). "Hey, have you seen any bad guys around here?" asked Doofy, completely oblivious.
"Oh? How about this bad guy?" asked Rodney, taking out a jack-in-the-box and winding the crank. As the beautiful music played, Doofy became entranced and got closer to it. Soon, however, a boxing glove contraption popped out of the box. It punched Doofy off of the carriage and sent him tumbling down the hill.
"Doofy!" Perry called out desperately.
"Hit the road, tiny!" said Dr. Bloodpudding, shoving Perry into a suitcase and tossing him overboard.
"Perry!" called out Pinky. He had since come back outside and was now behind Dr. Bloodpudding. The bad guy turned around and looked at the small creature with an evil glint in his eye. Pinky drew his sword, but was very skittish in his approach.
"Boo!" said Dr. Bloodpudding, scaring Pinky. It scared the little guy so much that he put himself in a suitcase and launched himself overboard. Dr. Bloodpudding watched, amazed. Well, that was easy, he thought.
The three musketeers landed in a mud pond. The fall down the hill had beat them up pretty badly and now dirt was getting into the wounds. Poor Doofy was unfortunate enough to fall in first. (Unfortunate since Perry and Pinky fell on his head.)
"Princess!" called out Perry. The bad guys had made off with the carriage carrying the princess. Despite the fall and how sore and bloodied he was, he rushed up the slippery slope. He was able to get purchase with his hands on the edge. He looked on as the carriage went away into the distance. His expression drooped and so did he. He slipped back down the slope into the mud pond. He removed his hat just in time for the mud from the slope to slide onto him. Doofy and Pinky looked on at him, both were muddied, bloodied, and, seeing how glum their friend was, were glum as well. They had taken a good beating. Perry sighed, "Now how are we gonna protect the princess?"
"Protect the princess? Are you kidding?" Pinky put a hand up and wiped away most of the mud from his face as he said, "It's hopeless. We failed!"
"Hopeless? Failed?" Doofy grabbed his tunic, his face going soft with emotion. Pinky looked at him, regretting what he said since Doofy soon burst into tears. Doofy grabbed Pinky, trying to get comfort by hugging the small dog. Doofy soon put him down though.
"Aw, there, there, amigo. Here, blow," said Pinky, offering Doofy his own tunic as a hankie. Doofy looked at his tunic and did not hesitate to blow.
Perry still sat in the mud for a moment, but soon regained a look of determination. He slapped his fedora back on and said, "Well, I don't think we're hopeless!" He got up and went over to his friends. Doofy sat on a rock and Pinky stood by his side. Perry went on, "Listen, Captain Enigma has faith in us."
"He does?" asked Doofy. Then, "Oh, I mean he does!" Doofy stood, confidence back in his expression and tears long gone.
"Enigma made us musketeers, remember?" asked Perry to Pinky.
"Yeah! We're musketeers!" said Pinky.
"That's right! Just like we dreamed when we were kids!" Perry made his way up a rock and out of the mud pond. He went back to the edge and offered his hand to his friends. "So, what do you say? Are we a team?"
"Count me in, Perry!" said Doofy, slapping his hand into Perry's. With the little bit of support Perry gave and some help from the rock, Doofy was soon out and beside his friend. Pinky was at the edge of the pond too.
"Me too! Me too!" said Pinky as he was helped up. The three were on solid ground again.
"We're off to save the princess!" said Perry happily. He drew his sword (he managed to find an extra that had fallen off of one of the bad guys during the tussle). "No obstacle too big!"
"Yeah!" said Doofy, drawing his as well.
"No danger too great!" said Perry.
"You said it!" said Pinky, drawing his sword as well.
"Together we'll save the princess or die trying!" said Perry. He and Doofy ran off, mission in mind. Pinky, however, was hesitant.
"Die?" he asked. Perry and Doofy came back and dragged him along. "Die?" The word just... didn't settle well with Pinky. They had just barely gotten out of the scuffle with the bad guys alive, now they were going back into danger to possibly die? No way.
We are officially halfway through the movie! Aren't we all excited? I know I am :D I do not own the rights to the song "Petey's King of France." I did, however, modify it to fit this version better ;) Please keep reading and reviewing, thanks :)