I am leaving out the space between the Deliverer and Gabrielle's Hope as they occurred pretty much one right after the other
Xena woke up realising that she didn't hear Gabrielle breathing beside her. She spun around and sure enough the bard was gone. She sat up straining her ears. She could hear whispering in the distance, it was Gabrielle's voice. Xena knew sometimes Gabrielle went off on her own to pray to the gods. She knew of Xena's low opinion of them but still held faith with a few. Xena relaxed back into her bedroll staying alert. She didn't want to intrude on Gabrielle but she wanted to keep an ear out to make sure nothing else happened.
What Ares had said was fresh in her mind. Her hatred for Caesar had brought them to Britannia. Her need for vengeance had clouded Xena's judgement of Krafstar and his followers making her leave Gabrielle in their care. The guilt that surged in her was worse than the guilt following the death of Callisto. At least that time she had been able to justify herself and if Callisto hadn't been released from the underworld, no one would have gotten hurt but this... This was Gabrielle. Her blind fury had led to her best friend, the person she loved most in all the world being raped by an evil god and then having to kill her own child. Despite what Gabrielle had said about seeing that it was a monster Xena knew how much it was killing Gabrielle to have killed the child that she viewed as hers.
Xena's eyes began to water. She tried to imagine any situation in which she had kill Solan. She knew she wouldn't be able to do it no matter what she had done. She wasn't that strong. Xena realised that in what Gabrielle had done she was stronger than Xena could ever be. To birth a child, feed it, love it and then kill it. It was something that she would never be able to do. Even if Solan grew up to be a bloodthirsty warlord she would kill any that tried to hurt her son.
A breaking twig announced Gabrielle's return. Xena closed her eyes and pretended to be asleep. She figured Gabrielle would want the space. She had barely spoken to her since the cave with the rat. Not only had Xena pursued her intent on killing her child, she hadn't believed her when she had. Xena didn't blame Gabrielle for feeling betrayed which is why she was surprised when Gabrielle spoke to her.
"I know you're awake Xena." Xena cracked open her eye and looked up Gabrielle standing over her with her hands on her hips. She had finally gotten rid of the horrible sack that the banshees had dressed her in. There was no lingering sign of her pregnancy. Her stomach was once again flat and defined; it was as though it never happened. For a second Xena hoped that they could go back acting like it never happened but then she remembered the speech she had given Gabrielle after her near nuptials with Morpheus and knew that stone would be beneath the surface for as long as they lived.
"How'd you know that?" Xena sat back up on her blanket looking at Gabrielle amused.
"When you're really asleep you do this little twitchy thing with your nose every time you inhale." She paused for a moment before a tired half smile crossed her face. "It's kinda cute."
Xena struggled to return the half smile. Gabrielle sat down beside her and put her head on Gabrielle's shoulder.
"I'm exhausted." Xena was too but neither was ready to talk about why. The idea of hunting Gabrielle still made her sick to her stomach. The fact that Gabrielle was good at it helped a little. If anything happened to her she had no doubt Gabrielle would be able to run safely back home. "But I can't sleep. Xena this place, I have to leave. I feel like I can't spend another moment here."
"Well we're near the coast. There should be some fisherman with smaller boats. If need be I'll row us back. Hell, worse comes to worse I'll tie you to my back and swim across. Celtae isn't that far." Her tone was much more jovial than she actually was. Gabrielle stood up and began packing her bags.
"I'm serious Xena I can't stay here. I'm moving out now." Xena sighed. She had been hoping to get at least one good night of sleep. She began rolling up her bedroll and kicking dirt over the fire. "I know you're tired. You don't have to come. If you want you can catch up later." Xena stopped feeling like she had been shot in the heart.
"Do you want me to come Gabrielle?" The question hung there for a moment. The air seemed so thick Xena was sure she could cut it with her sword. She was sure her heart had paused and she knew she hadn't drawn a breath.
"Yes." It was hesitant and not at all convincing but Xena didn't really need to be convinced. She would have followed, albeit at a distance to make sure Gabrielle was safe. This made it easier to keep an eye on her.
"Then let's get moving, if we both ride we can be at the shore by sunrise." Tying the last water skin to the saddle she hoped up and offered her hand down to Gabrielle. Gabrielle ran her hand through her hair and then started rubbing her palms together. Xena knew this meant Gabrielle was nervous or unsure. She didn't push the point but kept her hand extended. Eventually Gabrielle grabbed it and hopped up behind her. Xena waited for the familiar feeling of her lover's arms around her but Gabrielle only slung one arm around her loosely. They had never been this reserved around each other. Not even the first time Gabrielle had climbed on top of Argo. She ignored the sinking feeling in her gut and turned the horse southeast, towards home.
It had been two weeks since Xena had managed to barter them passage on a boat to Carthage. It wasn't home but it was better than Britannia. Xena sat on the rail, leaning against the ropes tying down the mast. This voyage had been an exercise in patience. Considering their history on sea voyages this one was all together uneventful. Normally she would be walking the deck, teaching Gabrielle more about sailing, or sparing together. Gabrielle would spend the nights starring at the stars, making up stories about what she saw in them. This time was different. Gabrielle had barely left the cabin. Though they were alone in it she had taken the hammock furthest from the one Xena had first laid their things in. Taking the hint Xena spent her days on deck, talking with the crew, sparring on ever warier opponents and in general making sure she wasn't in the cabin until after she was sure Gabrielle was asleep.
She really wasn't sure what would happen when they finally got to shore. Xena had originally thought that they could go to Egypt. The markets of Alexandria had the greatest variety Xena had ever seen and Cleopatra had invited her to stay. She probably had intended Xena to come on her own but wouldn't begrudge Gabrielle being their once she got to know her. Or maybe island hoping home. Now that Gabrielle could control her sea sickness they could see all the islands of the Aegean, possibly even catch a Sappho reading in Lesbos.
She heard the men call land. Squinting in the distance she could make out the subtle change in the horizon. They would be there by nightfall. Xena felt a knot in her stomach. Even though they weren't spending time together, while on the ship Gabrielle was still there but once they hit land... Gabrielle could catch any ship back to Greece she wanted, with or without Xena. Taking a deep breath she tried to calm herself. They had been through some pretty rough times. Gabrielle just needed time, by the time they were back in Greece all this would be behind them. They would learn how to grow past it. She went below deck to pack up their belongs for whatever it was that North Africa held and to tell Gabrielle they were almost in port.
She knocked gently on the cabin door. "Come in." The bard was a little hoarse. Xena could tell she had been crying again. She opened the door slowly and saw Gabrielle sitting on a bench looking out the little porthole. To Xena's surprise all of their things were pack, together she noted feeling a bit more relieved.
"You really must be ready to get off this boat."
"Oh yea, just to get back on another one." Her shoulders were slumped and she looked a little green. Xena sat beside her and took Gabrielle's hand into her own. She flipped it over and applied pressure to the little bump in Gabrielle's wrist.
"Are you sure? We can take the long way around. Catch a ferry to Hispania or take the long way around through Egypt and Syria. Though I'm sure there are plenty of ships heading towards Greece from Carthage."
"I just want to go home Xena." To Xena's surprise Gabrielle relaxed into her chest. Her strong arms immediately came up to hold the bard close to her. She could feel Gabrielle relax further. She almost cried with relief. She hadn't touched Gabrielle since helping her down from the horse in Britannia weeks ago. This made her feel complete.
"Do you want to go back to Potidaea? The captain mentioned he has another ship leaving for Mende. That's less than a day south. Or we can go to Athens. I still have some dinars left from mother. We can just go somewhere and relax."
"I don't care as long as it's Greece and as long as I'm with you." Hearing the need in her voice a tear did escape from Xena. Had Gabrielle wanted her in the cabin these past weeks and Xena just misread the signs? "I'm sorry I've been distant Xena but I need time to think. I didn't know if I could keep travelling with you. I had to think if I'd still be able to fight, I don't want to put you in any danger."
Xena stroked Gabrielle's hair and kissed her forehead. "I don't care if you can't or won't fight. I'd keep you safe just like I did in the beginning. You don't have to fight to keep travelling with me Gabrielle, I'm just happy to have you here." She raised Gabrielle's face and looked into her eyes. She could see so much pain, but it was fading. Relief was seeping in that Xena would want her no matter what. Xena's calloused thumbs gently brushed away the tears from Gabrielle's face and she kissed her gently right between the eyes. They sat there just staring into each other's eyes till Xena felt a change in the motion of the ship. They had entered the harbour. She stood and offered a hand down to Gabrielle. "Let's go home." The two smiled their first genuine smiles in months.
It was another three weeks before they managed to land in Argos. The seas had been the last thing from calm and even the pressure points could not still Gabrielle's stomach. When they stepped off the dock and onto the sand Gabrielle feel to her knees and sunk her fingers deep into the earth. Home. They were 600 leagues from Britannia and for the first time Gabrielle thought she could put it behind her. She had been putting on an act for the last part of their voyage trying to make Xena believe that she was ok. She convinced herself she would be once she was home, so she wasn't sure if she really was feeling better or she had just tricked herself into believing it. Either way worked for her.
Xena stood behind her carrying all of their belonging over her shoulder. She was glad Gabrielle was happy to be home. Her mind drifted to Argo. She had told her to meet them back in Greece but she had no idea where. That was something they could worry about later. Right now she just wanted to be back into their routine. Travel by day, falling asleep in each other's arms by night. After a few moments she saw Gabrielle beginning to stand. Xena was there instantly to help her to her feet.
"It's weird isn't it? The idea that you have to get your land legs back. Everything just feels too still."
"Still is a good thing. My stomach appreciates still." She smirked then took a few shaky steps. "Ok this is hard, where's Argo?"
"I was just thinking that myself. I told her we'd meet her in Greece but I have no idea where."
"What you haven't taught her to spell out towns yet. Xena she's a horse. We may have to travel back to Celtae to find her."
"No. She understands me. She'll be around here somewhere. We'll find her eventually. So, where to next?"
"I was thinking of heading up towards Thessaly. Maybe swinging by for a visit to Amphipolis and Potidaea."
"You want to go to Potidaea?"
"I thought maybe you'd want to visit your family. It's been a while and it's almost festival time. By the time we get there it would be the spring festival, dancing, performing bards...food."
"Sounds good to me." She laughed a little. "You know the way to my heart. Good food and I'm there."
They stopped by a few shops in Argos to replenish some dwindling supplies. Xena needed a new whetstone and sharpening oil. Gabrielle picked up a few scrolls and some ink. Xena hadn't seen her write since they had set sail for Britannia but the fact she was starting again seemed like a good sign. She tried to surprise Gabrielle by buying her a new quill but she was caught in the act. Gabrielle really seemed to like it though. She kept running it through her fingers exclaiming that it had been too much and her old quill was perfectly fine but Xena just shook her off. She left Gabrielle in charge of buying some dried goods and replenishing their spices and ended up having to buy and extra pack just to carry it all in. It was late afternoon before they headed out of town but Gabrielle was insistent. They had been stuck inside the ship too long. Both craved the wide open sky and the smell of a campfire.
After walking for an hour everything seemed back to normal. Gabrielle was telling Xena the story of the runner and huntress Atlanta. She fell into the rhythm and then noticed why everything was so familiar. A faint sound of hooves walking along the road behind them. Xena stopped. Coming over the hill behind them was the golden palomino. Xena whistled and Argo started galloping towards them. She stopped just short of Xena and whinnied then pushed her head into Xena's chest. Xena laughed. Everything was right now. She scratched Argo on the forehead and offered her the rest of the apple she had been eating as they walked along. Gabrielle came over and gave Argo her whole untouched apple.
"I missed you girl. I'm so glad your back." Xena wrapped her arms wound the horse's neck and whispered in her ear, "I have so much to tell you." Gabrielle had already thrown her share of the gear across Argo's saddle.
"I'm glad you're back Argo. Xena started using me as a pack horse." Argo snorted at her and they all shared a genuine laugh. It felt good. Xena stood a little straighter and even Gabrielle had some of the sparkle return to her eyes.
"I am so carrying more stuff then you are." Xena put her load over the saddle too and rolled her shoulders, they cracked giving proof. "Which is why I'll be the first to admit I'm exhausted. There is a clearing not far from a fresh spring about half a candle mark up the road. Anyone else for calling an early day?" Gabrielle and Argo nodded in unison eliciting another laugh from Xena. "Right, let's go."
They set up camp in no time. Xena handed Gabrielle the sleeping rolls unsure. They had slept in adjacent hammocks from Carthage to Argos but hadn't shared an intimate moment since Gabrielle had asked to go home. She spread them out the way they had been for a long time. Side by side with Xena between Gabrielle and the fire. She was right. Greece made everything alright again.
She didn't need to hunt because they really had bought too much food and needed to eat it before it went bad. Instead she took the saddle and bridle off Argo and gave her a bath. Her poor horse had been wearing the tack for over a month. She swore next time she would cut her losses and just buy new ones. After an hour of rubbing all the sweat and dirt finally came out. Argo whinnied gratefully and walked off. "Don't go far girl. We leave at first light." Argo didn't acknowledge her but she knew she was understood. She sat on a nearby log and began cleaning the tack.
The sun had set by the time she was done. Gabrielle was sitting across the fire working on a scroll. Well, starting at the scroll with the quill in her mouth. Xena had been watching her out of the corner of her eye. The bard had been doing the same thing since she had set up camp, pausing only to have some jerky and bread for dinner. Xena set the tack aside and went to sit next to Gabrielle. She nudged her with her shoulder.
"You want to talk about it?"
"I don't know where to begin Xena. I don't know how to put into words what happened."
"Don't. Leave a gap. Gabrielle you're entitled to write or not write whatever you want."
"That's not how it works Xena. I'm your bard. Chronicling your deeds..."
"Our deeds Gabrielle. You do just as much as I do. Especially this time. I think this is your story and that's why you're stuck. You're used to writing about me. For the first time you seriously have to write about yourself."
"Ok, next time you do the sensitive talk. You've been holding back."
"I gotta leave you something to do." Gabrielle shoved Xena with her shoulder.
"You're right. I have to write this one differently. Let me sleep on it, I'll try again tomorrow night."
She got up and laid down on her bedroll. Xena went and patrolled their campsite one more time. She had a sinking feeling they weren't alone but she couldn't find any evidence anyone else was there and it didn't feel like Ares. She tried to shrug it off. She made her way back to the campsite and took off her armour, laying down next to Gabrielle. She was surprised when Gabrielle reached out and pulled Xena's hand over her.
"Hold me, Xena." Xena quickly wrapped herself around the bard. She offered her arm for Gabrielle to use as a pillow and Gabrielle pushed her back against Xena's chest. With her free hand Xena held the bard tight against her, falling asleep with her face buried in the back of Gabrielle's neck. When she woke in the middle of the night though Gabrielle was gone.