Welcome to the Jack the Ripper arc! To begin this author's note of usual uselessness…I am SOOOO sorry that I haven't updated over like…what?...3 months? Almost 5 months? I had a shiatsu load of AP work to do over the summer and then school started and I had more work to do so forgive me! And also I joined this group called buildON at my school and we do community service like…all the time so I have been swamped, plus on the days I do nothing I am either job hunting or relaxing from the long week…Anyhoo, I have been thinking a lot about the ending of this fanfic (which may be near or far: who knows? :P) and also whether or not I would do a sequel (aren't I evil?) I have configured everything that will occur and you guys are gonna like…freaking cry and laugh and punch a wall and like…DIE from the pure awesomeness that will spew from my fingertips. Anyway…I hope you enjoy the rest of the ride….and uh yeah…Felix MAY make an appearance soon! BYE!
Sebastian dropped a heavy stack of letters and invitations in front of a very irritated Ciel. "Young master, yet more letters for you have arrived today," he announced with a large smile on his face. "The season is nearly over, damned idlers." Ciel complained, tapping his finger impatiently on his desk. "Yet they're all in search of guests for their silly balls...nothing good happens in London," he continued rolling his visible eye. Ciel slowly undid the bow holding together the letters and tossed them to the floor as he read the names aloud. Sebastian wrote down all the declined invitations. (And there were a lot, by the way.) "Earl Warwick, Baron Bath, Countess Gartland." Ciel's eyes widened at the sight of a familiar seal.
"This is..."
Ciel cut the letter open with a small letter opener and quickly scanned over the letter. His eye widened at a certain point before he continued to read. Sebastian noticed and raised a single brow.
"Sir?" he asked in concern.
"Get the new maid."
"May I ask for what?"
"I believe she may be able to help us in this case..."
t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t
"Jack the Ripper?" I asked as Sebastian and I made our separate meals.
I decided it would be nice to make the other servants some pancakes and eggs. (Even though they are all completely useless.) Sebastian washed out the kettle before pouring in the Darjeeling mix.
"Yes. My Lord received information from the Queen about it. You do not seem as curious about it as I was expecting...Have you heard of it before?" he asked, rolling out the dough for scones and muffins.
"Well...yeah..." I said, pouring a pancake into a pot. "I-uh..." I was about to say that his identity was discovered not too long ago but then I remembered where I was. "I snuck out and read the paper before you got it for Ciel," I lied, giggling as I flipped the pancakes. Sebastian chuckled before pouring the hot water in the kettle. "I see..."
I stared down at my pancake, twirling my hair.
"Sebastian?"
Sebastian placed the scones and muffins in the oven. "Hm?" he hummed, turning to me with a bored expression.
"Why are you telling me about this?"
"Well, the young master believes that you could possibly be of some assistance in this case..." he answered, standing up straight and dusting off his hands.
"Hm..." was my only response. I dusted off my pink lace nightgown as I placed the last pancake on the platter.
"Also..." Sebastian began. I gazed up at him. "?"
"Seeing as how you are a woman and all, I advised the young master it would be best to warn you to take more care when going about the town." I smiled.
"Thanks...I'll keep that in mind..." Sebastian smiled back before taking out the scones and muffins and placing them on a silver platter. He then placed back on his tailcoat and put the tea kettle with the snacks. "Well, the young master has possibly fallen asleep at his desk." I chuckled as I cracked a few more eggs in the pot. "And he will probably awake hungry..."
"Well, I don't think it would be good to keep him waiting." Sebastian smiled, placing the silver platter on the cart. "The young master wishes to leave before noon. It would be best if you are dressed and waiting in the parlor before then," he announced with a closed-eyed grin before heading out the door. Sebastian paused in the doorway. "Ah yes...Miss Louis?" he called, turning back to look at me.
"Yeah?"
"I can see through your nightgown...And I must say the view is quite stunning..." he said with a seductive grin, his red eyes piercing into mine. My face turned bright red before covering my breasts.
"YOU FUCKING PERVERT! TO THINK I ACTUALLY THOUGHT THAT TODAY WOULD BE THE DAY THAT I WOULDN'T WANT TO STRANGLE THE LIFE OUT OF YOU! WHAT KIND OF BUTLER LOOKS AT A FELLOW EMPLOYEE LIKE THAT!?" I yelled. Sebastian chuckled before walking to Ciel's office.
"AND I SWEAR TO GOD IF THE NEXT WORDS OUT OF YOUR MOUTH ARE 'BECAUSE I'M ONE HELL OF A BUTLER' OR SOME SHIT, YOU CAN KISS YOUR MANHOOD GOODBYE!" I could hear Sebastian's bellowing chuckle as he walked down the hall. I crossed my arms over my chest and pouted as the eggs finished, totally annoyed. Suddenly, my head throbbed intensely, causing me to slide down to the floor.
"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow…" I whined as my head began to pulse constantly. I dug my nails into my head, hoping to channel the pain somewhere else, but it just got worse. My ears began to ring as if a police car was right next to me. All the blood began to rush to my face as I slumped against the tiled floor, cringed as I involuntarily curled up into a ball. Then it stopped…all at once…I slowly moved my hands away from my head as I gazed around the room. Pushing myself off the cold floor, I set the table to take my mind off of the pain. Just in time too 'cause the 3 stooges are up.
"Mmm, something smells yummy…" Finny said, walking into the kitchen with a glossy look in his eye and drool running down his chin. He was taken aback at the sight of me cooking. "Oh! Good morning! It smelt really good in here so I thought that Sebastian was in here…" he said with a faint blush across his nose, scratching his head sheepishly and looking at the floor. "You actually just missed him…" I said, setting the last plate on the table. "You made all this?" he asked, his face shining. "Yeah…" Tears began to form in his eyes. "THANK YOU SO MUCH!"
Mey-Rin walked past the kitchen carrying a large basket of Ciel's clothing. She sniffed the air and walked back. "Oh my, did you make breakfast, Miss?" she asked, setting her basket down. "Yeah, come join us…" I said, my veins pulsing. Why is everyone so fucking surprised that I made breakfast. What they tryin' to say: I can't fucking cook? They won't be saying that when I kick their goddamn temples off…Yes I know that was violent…
Bard slowly walked into the kitchen, half asleep, smoking, and his stomach growling. "Good morning…" he said to the room, blowing out a large puff of smoke. "?" his hungry eyes scanned over the table. "Did you make this…uh…um…hm…what's your name again, Miss?" I smiled sweetly as more of my veins began to pulse. "My name is Louis and yes I did make this…" I hissed.
"Alright, thanks Miss." Bard said, sitting and swallowing his food with the rest of the staff. Suddenly I felt dizzy and had to grip the counter to hold myself up.
"Are you alright?" Finny asked, pancakes and syrup all over his face.
I laughed to reassure him. "Don't worry I'm fine. Maybe just a little tired…" I smiled. "Well I have somewhere to be so enjoy guys…" I said before quickly leaving. When I got out into the hallway, it seemed like it got longer and windy. I held the wall for support as I struggled down the corridor, digging my nails into the wall for reinforcement.
Oh…My…God…I hope I haven't contracted some 19th century illness that won't have a cure available for the next…what…200 years!? Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Calm down Louis…you'll be fine…You haven't contracted the Bubonic plague or anything…I hope…
Finally reaching the bathroom, I pushed open the door and locked it behind me. I slipped off my silk robe and nightgown and stepped into the shower. I turned the water on and let the therapy begin. I leaned my aching head against the cool tiles of the bathtub I was standing in; yet my head was still pounding. My hand slowly reached for the dial and turned the water to the lowest temperature of like -1000. I sighed as the refreshing ice cold water beaded against my skin like crystals. I don't know what the hell was wrong with me. I am so not in the mood for anything today…
I felt something warm trickle down my leg before little droplets fell on my feet.
I lazily gazed down at my leg.
Blood.
Oh joy, I'm seeing my period in the 19th century! Isn't the life of a woman fan-fucking-tastic?! (Notice the dense cloud of sarcasm around this."
Hopefully today will be the day we do absolutely nothing.
t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t
Ciel tapped his foot irritably on the tile floor of the lobby, his knuckles on his hips and his face in a pout. "Sebastian where is she?" he asked, gritting his teeth in annoyance. Sebastian sighed. "I am not sure, young master. Shall I go fetch her?" he asked.
"Yes," Ciel said, his tapping becoming faster as he grinded his teeth together.
"As you wish, young master," Sebastian said, bowing before heading towards the stairs. Just as he started to come up, I came walking down in my maid's outfit, a pink trench coat with magenta buttons and outlines, a pink sailor-like cap with a magenta bow, and black knee high boots. I looked awesome but felt like something the cat WOULDN'T drag in. I walked down the stairs, avoiding eye contact with Sebastian, and stopped in front of Ciel. His face was twisted in a sour way. Behind my back, Sebastian sniffed the air discretely before smirking.
"You're late…" he said. No shit…I thought. "Sorry…" I actually said. Ciel's frown deepened.
"Come…we have somewhere to be…"
"Yes, young master…" Sebastian and I said.
t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t
The English summer is brief. The streets were littered with people and coaches.
May through August, when the weather is at its best, is known as "The Season"… Ciel's carriage slowed into a halt in front of an illustrious town house.
…And the aristocrats travel from their manors to their London town houses to socialize.
Well…that's what I was told…but we all know that Ciel won't do that. Sebastian hopped down from the front of the carriage to release the stairs and open the carriage door. "It has been a while since the young master last came to the town house," he said, gesturing his hand for Ciel to take.
"But this place is so pretty…" I mumbled to myself as I gazed out the window. Sebastian helped Ciel down while smiling. "It may be beautiful but you should know, Miss Louis, that our poor young master is too much of a wallflower to enjoy coming to the busy center of London." Sebastian informed, taking my hand and helping me down. I smiled at him on the outside but on the inside I was ripping my ovaries out. "Who are you calling 'poor'?" Ciel asked, glaring at Sebastian's head. "I wouldn't be here if not for 'that letter'…There are so many people, you can't even walk properly," he complained, placing back on his top hat.
"Sure…blame it on the people…You look like you're walking properly to me…" Ciel scowled at me. I could only giggle. Sebastian led us inside. "It may prove a nice respite for you to leave the manor sometimes. Those four are nowhere to be found here, so you will be able to spend your days in peace." Sebastian said with a smile.
"Hmm? Four?" I said, looking up at the giant chandelier and fancy furniture. "Why four? Tanaka doesn't do anything…" I said, vouching for him. Tanaka is really nice and doesn't ruin everything like the 3 stooges. Sebastian's expression went dark.
"Exactly my point…" he said coldly. I could feel a frigid chill entire the room. Okay so…Tanaka is a soft spot for Sebastian…We traveled up the stairs to the lounge for Ciel to debrief us in private but…APPARENTLY PRIVACY DOESN'T EXIST IN THE PHANTOMHIVE HOUSEHOLD!
"For goodness sake, where do they keep the tea in this house?" A woman in red from head to toe whined, throwing books and papers out of a cabinet. A Chinese man in a Tangzhuang squatted as he peered into a vase (which must be really hard if his eyes are closed…). "I don't see it anywhere." By the way…I am not cleaning this room up. The lady in red turned to the Chinese man and laughed. "You're not going to find it there, ah-ha-ha!" she laughed. The Chinese man laughed with her. "Now now, you never know!" Ciel began to turn pale and blue in disgust/astonishment while Sebastian only smiled as his words from before cracked into pieces. I only wanted to throw myself into a pool of chocolate.
"MADAM RED!? LAU!? WHY ARE YOU HERE!?" Ciel hollered. Madam Red and Lau noticed him. "Oh, you got here rather quickly," the woman in red said.
"I've come to see my lovely nephew, who told me he was making his way to London," the woman in red informed.
Sebastian leaned over and whispered in my ear. "The former Baroness Burnett; Angelina Dalles a.k.a. Madam Red. She is employed at the Royal London Hospital." I nodded.
The Chinese man grinned in amusement. "Why, hello, Lord Earl. I heard rumors that something of interest is afoot."
Sebastian leaned over again. "This is Mister Lau. He is the British Branch Manager of a Chinese trading Company called 'Kon Ron'. He does other shady work but it'd be best not to go in further detail." I raised my eyebrow at that. Sebastian straightened out his posture and smiled warmly with a hand over his "heart". "We apologize for not being able to greet our honorable guests." Ciel twitched behind him. A most troublesome pair has gone and showed up…he thought to himself. "I will have elevenses ready momentarily, so please wait a while. Come along, Miss Louis…" I clicked my teeth.
(Moments later…)
I set tea cups in front of everyone, avoiding eye contact. "What a lovely aroma. Especially when prepared correctly." Lau commented while Sebastian poured out the tea. "Today, the tea is Jackson's 'Earl Grey'." I noticed a timid butler standing behind Madam Red…He reminded me of someone…
"Earl Grey can taste this different!?" Madam Red exclaimed. She turned to the butler behind her. "Grell, you should follow his example." Grell lowered his head in sadness "Y-Yes…"
…
OH HELL TO THE NO! IS THAT GRELL AS IN "GRELL-GRELL"!? OOO THIS BOY IS SO LUCKY THAT I AM ON DUTY RIGHT NOW OR I WOULD FILL THIS ENTIRE HOUSE WITH BLOOD! AND NOT IN THE WAY YOU'RE THINKING PERV!
"In any case…" Madam Red grabbed Sebastian's butt firmly before rubbing it continuously. I leaned over and laughed silently, tears pouring out of my eyes.
"…YOU ARE A MOST HANDSOME FELLOW, NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I LOOK AT YOU! Why don't you come to my place instead of working at a manor house!?" Madam Red laughed perversely while Sebastian flinched and nearly dropped the tea. Ciel only stared with a "WTF" expression. He cleared his throat. "AHEM! Madam Red…"
"Ah sorry," she began, scratching her head sheepishly and drooling. "I couldn't help myself! He looked like he needed a physical! Just a doctor's habit~!" she sang. Sebastian smiled weakly before scurrying over to my side. I wore a cat-like grin and leaned close to his face. "I think she likes you…" I said. Sebastian glared at me. "So you call yourself 'One Hell of a Butler' but you can't even handle a woman groping you? My my, how the mighty have fallen…" Sebastian's glare deepened before he smacked me upside my head. "Ow!" I hollered, rubbing the back of my head. "That really hurt…" I said, looking up at him with puppy dog eyes. "Why did you do that?"
"So is this a new maid?" Lau asked. Ciel crossed his legs. "Yes." Lau's smile widened. "Come here…" he said, motioning me over with his hand. I slowly walked over to him and stood in perfect posture. Lau rose from the cushioned chair and circled me twice before stopping at my face.
"My, what a strong girl! I'm sure she'll be able to bear lots of children." My entire face turned red with a deep blush. "WHAT!?" I yelled in a high pitched voice. Lau leaned past me with a smile. "You better not let a girl like this get away Sebastian!" he said with a laugh. Sebastian smirked. "Certainly…"
"So, how old are you? Where are you from? Are you a virgin? Can I buy you? How much?" Lau asked.
Madam Red sighed as she rested her cheek on her knuckle. "Lau, stop antagonizing the poor girl. You're being rude…"Lau smirked and sat back down.
"I guess you're right…"
I scurried back over to Sebastian and hugged his arm for protection, tears in my eyes.
"I would like to go home now." I said.
He leaned down to my level with a cat-like grin. "I think he likes you…" he said. I stared daggers up at him. "So you call yourself a "woman" but you can't even handle a man's constant flirting and teasing? My my, how the mighty have fallen…" he teased. I stomped on his foot and twisted mine on his. His eye twitched. Dick wad…
Ciel crossed his leg over the knee. "Let's get right down to it…" he began. "A few days ago, a prostitute was killed in Whitechapel."
Madam Red smirked, which made me suspicious. "Ah, that incident the papers have been making a fuss over, yes? I know of it. But…there must be something more to it since you're here," she added. Ciel leaned back in his seat. "Yes, this is no simple murder. It is psychotic better yet, abnormal. That's what concerns 'her.'" Madam Red raised her eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
Ciel stabbed his fork into his cake while Sebastian stood to his right and me to his left. "The victim, Mary Ann Nichols…was ripped to shreds with some sort of specialized cutting instrument." Ciel placed a piece of cake in his mouth, leaving the fork there as he gazed into everyone's eyes. "The city police and the local prostitutes have dubbed the killer…'Jack the Ripper'. I too hurried to London to verify the situation." Lau chuckled.
"And I too am very curious…to see what the Queen's watchdog will sniff out…However…" Lau's grin grew wider. "…Have you the courage to gaze upon the scene of the crime?" I glared at Lau from the corner of my eye. Something was off about him…and I didn't like it.
"…What are you getting at?"
"The darkness and bestial odor that saturates the scene will eat away at those with the same karma." Lau began as he pushed himself up from his chair and crossed the room to Ciel. "You may be trapped in madness should you set foot there." Ciel stared into Lau's closed eyes. "Are you prepared …for that…Earl Phantomhive?" Lau asked, purring Ciel's name as he caressed his face. Sebastian gazed at him from the corner of his eye as well before gazing over at me. He could sense my uneasiness around Lau.
"I am here to eliminate the source of 'her' distress. Do NOT waste my time with your worthless questions." Ciel said sternly. Lau paused, pouting like a child, before smiling again.
"—Yes, lovely. Very lovely indeed, those eyes of yours," he said. I narrowed my eyes at Lau.
I smell a rat.
"Well, since that's now been decided, let's be off, Lord Earl!" Lau said with a great big, happy go lucky smile as he grabbed Ciel's wrist and began to pull him away.
I smell a very BIPOLAR rat.
"Now, wait!" Ciel yelled as he sloppily walked behind Lau. Madam Red sighed.
"Men have no patience! At least relax and finish your tea. Then I'll join you too." I raised my eyebrow at that. Why would she want them to relax when there is a woman killer on the loose? Wouldn't she want this murderer found? I put my knuckle to my chin in thought, nibbling on my lip.
"So where is this crime scene, Lau?" Madam asked. "Did you not know…Madam?" Lau asked, pausing. Madam Red raised her eyebrow at him.
"Well I never! Then I suppose we'll have to ask someone around here." Lau said, sighing with his sleeve covered hands on his hips.
"YOU WERE BABBLING ON WHEN YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOURSELF!?" Madam Red yelled, veins popping all over. Ciel was just dumbfounded before he simply sighed, exhausted. "Quiet down. No one said we were going to the crime scene."
"Eh?"
"We wouldn't be able to do much anyway because the place is already full of spectators. And the yard won't take kindly to me going there either."
"Then what do you plan to do?" asked Madam Red.
Something dawned on Lau. "My Lord…don't tell me…!"
"Yes, that's right. I'd like to avoid it myself, but that isn't an option. He is the most reliable source of information regarding crimes like this…Sebastian…" Ciel called.
"Yes, my Lord." Sebastian answered, grabbing his coat and top hat. He dressed Ciel swiftly before putting on his coat. Sebastian noticed that I was still in deep concentration and leaned close to my face, studying it.
"You are quite adorable with that face, Miss Louis," he said smiling. I blushed like a tomato before looking up at him. "Shut up."
I gazed over to see Madam Red glaring at me. I wonder why…
t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t
"—So…Where are we?" Lau asked, gazing up at the sign then Madam Red.
"WEREN'T YOU JUST ACTING LIKE YOU KNEW ALL ABOUT IT!?" Madam Red yelled. Grell tried to calm her down but was ignored of course. I took out my white gloves from my pocket and slip them on my hands and unconsciously leaning closer to Sebastian for warmth. Sebastian gazed down at me and smirked.
"So…the young master's acquaintance is an Undertaker?" I asked. "Yes," Sebastian answered. "Why doesn't he have any friends around his OWN age?" I asked. Ciel glared at me. "Shut up." I smiled. Sebastian opened the door for us and we walked inside.
"Are you in…Undertaker?" Ciel asked an empty room. The room was really…cool; like those haunted houses I use to go to with my Dad when I was little. There were cobwebs and barrel of who-knows-what, jars with body parts and organs, gothic candelabras, mirrors, and of course coffins.
"…Hee! Hee…I…have been expecting you…" laughed a creepy, perverse voice. I strolled around the room, touching things and peeking into coffins. I got to a coffin that was leaning against the wall; just a simple one: white with splotches of dirt and a golden cross on the front. I was about to open it when it creaked open itself…and there was a man inside…Okay…
"I bid ye welllllllcome, Lord Earl…" The Undertaker greeted. Madam Red, Lau, and Grell were shaking in terror, except Grell's legs gave out.
"Has your lordship finally decided to step into the coffin that I've made specially for you…!?" he asked, smirking with a glow in his eye. I tilted my head at the man whose face was an inch away. "Do you sleep in there or something?" I asked. Everyone in the room stared at me.
"Oh 'ello there, Miss. And who might you be?" he asked, stroking a lock of my hair. "I'm Louis Maylon, the young master's new maid." I answered with a smile. "Well aren't ye a pretty li'l thing? I may need to make a pretty coffin for you, one covered in lavender and lace…and perhaps pretty black roses. Hee hee!" he laughed, drooling a little. "Thanks…I think…"
Ciel rolled his eyes. "I think not. Today, I am…" Undertaker placed his long black nailed finger to Ciel's lips. "You don't need to put it in words. I understand veeeeery well…what milord wishes to say." Undertaker explained, drawing his hand from Ciel's lips. "She wasn't a 'client' in the 'ordinary folk' sense of the word. See. I cleaned her up riiiight nice and pretty." Undertaker explained, wiggling his fingers as he imagined the corpse.
Ciel's face became serious.
"…I want to hear about that."
"Then let's have a chat. I'll make some tea or something. Won't you just take a seat somewhere over there?"
The group looked around the room in confusion. There were only coffins to sit on and Lord knows if they were…occupied…I, on the other hand, happily sat down on a black coffin. Sebastian raised his eyebrow at me before sitting next to me.
"What?" I asked, noticing his stare. "You seem to not be as uncomfortable as the others…" "Is that bad?" "No…it is just…quite interesting…that's all…" "Um…okay…"
"—Now then." Undertaker began after sharing everyone tea, in beakers might I add. "You want to hear about Jack the Ripper, yessss? The yard's starting to get their knickers in a bunch about it now, but…" he said, opening a jar of biscuits shaped like dog bones. Madam Red and Grell looked down at the beakers in disgust, most likely wondering what use to be in them. "This isn't the first time I've had a client like that."
"!" Everyone in the room began to listen.
"Not the first time? What do you mean?" Madam Red asked, too calmly in my opinion.
"In the past, there've been a number of cases…involving murdered whores." Undertaker explained, biting into another biscuit. He offered some to Ciel, who immediately refused. I took a few out of his jar and nibbled on them. "…Taste like snicker doodles…"
"Snicker doodles?" asked Sebastian. "They're cinnamon and sugar cookies…" Sebastian leaned over and bit the cookie that was in my mouth. "Hm…you are right…" There's this great thing Sebastian called personal space and I think you need to be taught what that is.
"But their intensity and cruelty continues to escalate." Everyone looked up in the room at the Undertaker as he spoke.
"The yard failed to take notice because the murders weren't terribly bloody at the outset...but all the prostitutes killed in Whitechapel had a little something in common."
"Something in common?" Ciel asked. "Like what?" I asked.
Undertaker hugged his jar of biscuits closely. "Well, what could it be? Whatever could it be? Wouldn't you like to know?" Ciel's face sulked, probably because he knew what the Undertaker wanted. "I see. That's how it is. Being an Undertaker is only his façade for normal society. How much do you want for the information?" Lau asked. Undertaker perked up and froze, his sleeve near his mouth like a child sucking their thumb. "How much?" Undertaker asked.
In a flash, Undertaker was in front of Lau, their noses almost touching. "I do not desire a single one of the Queen's coins!" Undertaker yelled, smiling perversely. Lau paled at his space being invaded. Undertaker peered over at Ciel, causing him and me to flinch. "Now, milord…GIVE IT TO ME…" Undertaker begged, holding Ciel's face in his hands (well sleeves).
"BESTOW UPON ME THE GIFT OF TRUE LAUGHTER! JUST ONE JOKE AND ALL MY INFORMATION IS YOUR'S!" Undertaker yelled, laughing and drooling as if he were in ecstasy. My eyebrow slowly rose off my head. I leaned over to Sebastian and whispered, "Are there any mental asylums in London?" Sebastian smirked. "Possibly…"
"That creep…" Ciel complained as Undertaker hugged himself and wiggled his body around. "Lord Earl. Please allow me to handle this." Lau said, stepping forward.
"PEOPLE HAVE CALLED ME THE SLEEPING TIGER OF NEW YEAR'S PARTIES IN SHANG-HAI…AND NOW, I SHALL…DEMONSTRATE THAT IN FULL!" he shouted, confetti and Chinese flowers appearing around him.
"A fool on the futon," he said.
…
Wow…that joke was so bad that not even the crickets made a sound. At that joke, I covered my mouth to try to contain my hysteric laughter. Ciel gazed over at me. "You find that funny?" I snickered before wiping my tears. "No…ha-ha…it's just the fact that the joke was so bad that it was hilarious! Aha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" I laughed.
"…Oh?" Lau said as Undertaker neither snickered nor smiled. Madam Red rolled her eyes and walked over to Lau. "You'll never do, Lau…Very well…" She lowered her head before springing up, full of energy.
"MADAM RED, STAR OF SOCIAL CIRCLES…SHALL SHARE WITH YOU HER BEST TALE!" she shouted, Grell cheering in the background for her.
"His *bleep* was *bleep*!" Sebastian immediately covered Ciel's ears while my jaw hit the floor. "And his *bleep* was *bleep* too! Gah-ha-ha! And the *bleep* with the *bleep*and *kzzzt*!"
(An hour later…)
"Was she talking about a dil—?" I began.
"Yes…" Sebastian answered.
"…"
Undertaker smiled and linked his fingers together. "That leaves only you, milord. The last time, I was a bit generous if I do say so myself…but no specials this time." Ciel pouted and cursed under his breath. Sebastian stepped forward.
"It appears there is nothing for it."
"Sebastian!?" Ciel yelled. Undertaker tilted his head in amusement. "Ohhh…? Master Butler's having a go, now is he?"
"Everyone…please step outside if you would."
"Sebastian…" Ciel wondered.
"You must not under any condition peek inside…" Sebastian warned, glaring at everyone.
"That's right…because the joke I am about to tell is very inappropriate for a lady so leave!" I yelled, pushing everyone out the door. This whole Undertaker thing is going on for way too long and I need to make sure I didn't "overflow". "Please be patient and wait outside," I said with a sweet smile before slamming the door. Everyone sweat-dropped at the closed door.
I locked the door before turning to face the Undertaker, pulling off my gloves and throwing them on his candelabra. "Ah, so Miss Maid is the true payment…" he said, smirking as he rested his head against the desk. I slowly walked over to his desk and stretched my back like a lazy cat.
"There once was a lady from Que
Who filled her vagina with glue
She said with a grin
If they paid to get in
They'll pay to get out of it too.*" I finished with a bow. Undertaker perked his head up and blinked a few times.
"…"
Ciel stared at the shut door. "I wonder what's taking her so—?"
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH A!"
The group flinched in shock as the sign collapsed off the building and fell at the group's feet. I opened the door with a smile. "Please come in. He has agreed to speak to us." I announced, moving out of the way so they could pass through. Undertaker had his head down on the desk, twitching and chuckling to himself as if he had just…well…you know…finished.
"Hmm…it seems I have a worthy adversary…" Sebastian said, staring down at me. I smiled.
"Well…to get back to the matter at hand…Guh-fu!...I'll tell you anything you wish to know…Hee hee!" Madam Red, Lau, and Ciel sat on the coffins, waiting to hear the information.
"For a while now…I've occasionally had…clients who are…how shall I say, LACKING, you see?"
"Lacking?" Sebastian and I asked.
"Yes quire lacking…" he said, searching for his anatomy mannequin. "Their innards, that is." A chill ran over the entire room as I gripped my stomach as if to hold my organs in. "Before my clients can rest easy on their beds, I must get them nice and clean, yes? And examining them as I do my duty is a little hobby of mine, you see?" Madam Red, Lau and Grell stared down at their beakers of tea and pushed them away.
"So they were all lacking a kidney or somesuch? In that case, the killer is a loan shark or the like…"
I thought about a little mafia boss yelling at someone on the phone like: "Sell off yer kidney or liver…to make the money!" Ha-ha, I'm hilarious. Undertaker shook his head and sighed as he stroked his anatomy mannequin's head. "Chinese cellar rats think up the most disturbing things! That's not what I meant." Veins popped on Lau's head as he got annoyed. "It is something only a prostitute…a girl would possess."
My face became dark with a chill as I realized what he was saying. "You don't mean…" I lead on, gripping my jacket cloth over my stomach. Undertaker lifted up his anatomy mannequin, inspecting its innards. "This little one doesn't have it either…" he mumbled to himself before turning to us with a grin. "Each was missing…her uterus." I lowered my head, closed my eyes, and covered my ears in a flash. Sebastian and Ciel gazed over at me.
"Lately, I've been seeing a rise in such 'clientele' all of a sudden…and their crimson 'rouge' is becoming gaudier by the day. It's all keeping me very busy." Undertaker complained.
"Even with few passersby, committing murder on the street…moreover in the dead of night…would it not be difficult for an amateur to cut out the womb with the necessary precision?" Sebastian asked. Undertaker smiled at his question. "Quite the bright candle, aren't we, Master Butler? I have considered that myself."
"N-No amateur would be able to handle something so foul and not slip up…" I said, shaking.
"That be true, Miss Maid…" Undertaker said, watching me. "Well, let's see…first, I'd take something sharp…" he began, walking over to Ciel with all eyes on him. "…And slash the throat…then I'd cut riiiiight here…" he said, one hand at Ciel's throat and the other at his lower abdomen. "…And steal away the little precious," he finished, poking his long black nail into Ciel's cheek.
"The 'skill' involved…and…'the lack of hesitation' points to a professional as Miss Louis pointed out. And most likely someone of the 'Underworld,' at that." Sebastian concluded. I lowered my head and buttoned the top button of my coat. Sebastian watched me closely.
"And that is why I knew you would come here, milord." Undertaker hissed, twisting his nail in Ciel's cheek. "If there were a possibility that the killer belonged to the 'Underworld'…I expected you would be summoned here without fail." Undertaker leaned close to the Ciel's face in warning. "Heed my words…another will die. And so will the murders continue…until someone stops them." Ciel gazed up at Undertaker before standing, making Undertaker step back. "Can you stop the killer? Can you sniff him out? Like a good little guard dog…"
Sebastian helped Ciel with his coat. "The Underworld has its own rules. Its residents do not kill those on the other side without reason…and they do not invade polite society using the powers of the Underworld." Madam Red walked over to me and rubbed my back to comfort me. "Come along, dear. Everything will be alright," her sweet voice said, but when I looked up into her red eyes, all I could see was hatred towards me. Madam Red helped me up and walked me towards the door.
"By our family coat of arms…I vow to eliminate, without exception, all who defile the gardens of the Queen…by any means necessary." Ciel said, walking to the door. "Excuse our intrusion, Undertaker," Ciel said. Undertaker waved goodbye.
"Miss~ Maid~…" he called. I looked over my shoulder at him. "Do be careful…I'd hate to see your pretty face in a coffin sooner than expected…" he said in a foreboding way. My eyes widened in fear as my body began to shake with more vigor. Madam Red hustled me out the door of the shop. "Ignore him, dear. Nothing will happen to you…"
"I promise…"
t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t
The carriage quaked against the gravel streets as we made our way back to the townhouse. I sat in the corner of the carriage, silently looking out the window. My reflection showed a very pale face with puffy eyes and traces of tears on the cheeks. I hugged my stomach and looked at my feet.
I don't feel like myself.
"Based on our earlier conversation, we can now simplify our list of suspects." Ciel began, his gaze never leaving me. "Yes, quite…first, we have 'Someone well-versed in medical science and anatomy'. Among them, 'Someone with no alibi on the nights the murders." And as the perpetrator has absconded with the uterus of each victim, 'Someone involved with a secret society or cult of black magic' is also a possibility." Sebastian stated. "Wait, you call this 'simplified'?" Madam Red asked, her eyebrows raised in confusion.
"Just how many people do you think gather in London during the season!? Not only must on consider the doctors of London, but also the family physicians that aristocrats have brought from the countryside. Furthermore, medical school graduates who never became doctors. Not to mention Orientals like Lau who are skilled in the use of needles and are familiar with human anatomy. The season will be over in less than a week. And the family physicians will return to the countryside—!" Madam Red ranted. I gazed over at her.
Why did it seem like she was trying to push the investigation back or get rid of it completely? I'm watching you, Tomato lady…
"Then we need only investigate before the season ends." Sebastian said with a smile. I blinked in confusion. "Come again…?" Lau asked.
"We need only pay a call to each individual and verify his alibi prior to the season coming to a close." Sebastian explained. "Verify their alibis!? Even though we don't know their exact numbers yet!?" Madam Red shouted.
"Please leave it to us servants," Sebastian said with a warm smile. "Wait, us?" I asked. He must not realize that I am not in the mood. "Yes, us."
"I am the butler of the Phantomhive family as you are its maid. It goes without saying that we can manage something as trivial as this." Sebastian assured with a hand over his heart. Lau and Madam Red were stunned. Ciel smiled while I just rolled my eyes. Suddenly, Sebastian picked me up and tucked me under his arm as if I was luggage or something. "I shall make a list of suspects and call on each of them immediately." Ew, ew, the blood, it's running back up. Ew!
"Hey, you assfucker, put me down! Hey, ugh, hey! I'm talking to you! Hello~! You dill- weed! Ugh…this is so uncomfortable." I yelled, kicking my feet and punching Sebastian's leg."
"Eh, wai—!" Madam Red began. Sebastian threw open the door to the carriage, everyone paling inside except for Ciel.
"Wah!" Grell screamed, being frightened. "Whoa, Sebastian, what the hell do you think you're—!?"
"Mister Grell, was it not?" he said, raising his head to look at him. "Please drive safely back to the townhouse."
"Eh!? Ah! Yes!?"
"Now, if you will excuse me…" Sebastian said, before flying off the door. Ciel waved him off.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" I screamed.
Madam Red and Lau slammed their faces on the glass to look. "Hang on!? But the carriage is still moving!?" But Sebastian and I were already gone.
t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t
"No warning. Just do whatever you feel like, huh? Just an—inconsiderate jerk—that's all…Not like I'm not in enough pain—as it is…" I complained, dusting myself off as carriages and people walked past. Sebastian looked around. "Miss Louis?" he called. I looked up at him with my hands on my hips. "What?"
"A Phantomhive employee does not falter in front of the young master. It causes him to worry…" he said, walking away. I blinked in confusion before following him. "So what exactly is our game plan, Sebastian?" I asked. Sebastian continued to gaze around nonchalantly. "As stated before, we are to gain the suspects alibis."
"But that will take hours!"
"Which is why I will be handling the suspects. You are to do the grocery shopping," he instructed, handing me the grocery list. I scanned over the list. "Can I buy chocolate?" I asked.
"No…"
"Lollipops?"
"No…"
"Gumdrops?"
"No…"
"A doughnut?"
"Whose money do you think you're using? Your's?"
"Please?"
"Miss Louis…"
"But I wa~a~a~a~nt it!"
"Miss Louis, please act your age…"
"But Seba~a~a~a~astian! I want it!"
Sebastian sighed. "Fine, one bar of chocolate…"
"Yay! But I want a doughnut, too…"
Sebastian rolled his eyes and walked away, jumping onto a rooftop and disappearing into an alley.
"I'm gonna buy a box of doughnuts!" I shouted after him before walking off to the supermarket. As I was walking towards the supermarket, I saw a woman that stood out like a sore thumb. She had on a pure white dress, a pure white cloak, and her hair was really really red, like Irish 'Top of the Mornin' to ya' red. I didn't see her face but I'm sure she was really pretty. Something that she had clutched in her hand was dangling before it clattered to the floor.
"Ma'am!" I shouted after her, but she continued to walk off into the alley. I ran up to her and picked up the object on the ground. I tapped her on the shoulder. Her entire jolted before she turned around to look at her. "You dropped this," I said, holding out the object to her. I looked down and realized that it was a red collar, almost like the one I have on Celestial.
"Huh…that's weird…" I twirled my finger on the name tag till I saw 'Celestial' on it. "You know…I have a cat named Celestial." The woman slowly began to back away. "My brother thinks that it's a weird name that no one else would ever think of but, I guess he was wrong." I said with a smile. The woman quickly looked back into the alley before looking back at me. I flipped the name tag over.
"Hey…that's…that's my address…wait a second."
The woman began to back up more.
"Who are you?" The woman quickly dashed into the alley, me not too far behind.
"Wait, stop!" I shouted after her. She quickly turned a few corners and knocked a few trashcans over to block the path. I picked up speed and jumped over the trash cans. Thank you track conditioning! On minute the woman was a foot ahead of me, now it's like 20. How did she get so far?
"Hey!" I shouted, pumping my arms harder to speed up. She accelerated and quickly turned a corner. What I heard was a very loud hiss and a scream of terror from the woman. I turned the corner to see Celestial with her back arched and a piece of the woman's cloak in her mouth, hissing into a very dark alley.
"Celestial!" Celestial perked up and trotted over to me and rubbed against my leg. I slipped her collar back on and hugged her close to me.
"Miss Louis?" that voice that ruins everyone's day called.
I slowly turned to see Sebastian right behind me, his hands on his hips and eyebrow raised in confusion. "What on earth are you doing back here?" he asked. "Did you finish your task?"
"OkaysoIwastryingtodoitbutthe nthisladyinawhitecloackcameo utofnowhereandwaswalkingarou ndwithmycat'scollarsoIwaslike'Whatthehell, lady?'Andshefreakedoutandranoffand thenIchasedafterherand—and—I—mmfff!" Sebastian covered my mouth, a sweat drop on his head.
"Do stop you mumbling. What you are pretty much saying is that you did not finish your task and therefore are incompetent. So I now have to help you with your task since I have already finished mine."
"Aaa ehh ma holate?" I muffled out. Sebastian sighed. "And get your chocolate…" I squealed and clapped excitedly. "Why did I ever convince the young master to hire you?" he said, shaking his head.
"Come along, Miss Louis…" he said, removing his hand and walking away. I looked down at Celestial before running up to catch him.
(Insert awkward silence here)
"Wanna hold Celestial?" I asked, offering her like in the Circle of Life. Sebastian rolled his amber eyes. "Not even a cat as beautiful as that one could ease my growing anger right now…"
"Um…okay…"
t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t
The carriage finally pulled up to the townhouse. The noblemen and woman stepped out with the assistance of Grell, all completely exhausted. "We've finally made it!" Lau said, patting his back and stretching. Ciel rolled his eyes and lazily walked to the front gate. "WE HAD TO TAKE THE LONG WAY 'ROUNG BECAUSE GRELL GOT LOST!!" Madam Red, her wrists on her hips. Grell paled and bowed his head a thousand times. "Beg pardon, beg pardon!" he shouted.
"Come come, Madam Red. Let us have a spot of afternoon tea and take a…" Lau began as he opened the door. "…Break…?" he finished, puzzled at the sight in front of him. At the door stood Sebastian bowing to them. I sat on the staircase with my bag of sweets (Thanks Sebastian's wallet!), munching away on a chocolate bar. My uterus is happy now.
"Welcome home. We have been waiting for you," he greeted. I waved. "Your afternoon tea is ready." Sebastian stated cheerfully with a smile, taking Ciel's hat. "Nn." Ciel answered. "Miss Louis and I prepared a cornmeal cake of pears and blackberries that will be accompanying it today." Sebastian glanced over at me.
"?"
"We also have a large amount of pastries and sweets if you would prefer that." I hugged my bag of goodies close to my body and glared at Sebastian.
"Wait…WHY ARE YOU TWO HERE!?" Madam Red shouted. Sebastian looked back at her will Ciel continued to walk towards the main lounge, whispering sweets under his breath in a chant.
"Hm? Ah, yes. We returned in advance because we had finished our assignments." Sebastian said with a holier-than-thou smile. I crumpled up my chocolate bar wrapper and opened the box of mini doughnuts.
"Our 'assignments'—so you already have a list!?" she shouted. Sebastian tapped his chin. "Not quite, you see."
"I simply compiled a list based on the characteristics we discussed earlier and paid each individual on that list a visit. That was all. However, it did take some time because I investigated the aristocracy's family physicians as well." Lau, Madam Red, and Grell stood stunned.
"Really, Sebastian…That's impossible even for you—" Madam Red said, doubtfully. I narrowed my eyes at her. Sebastian smirked. "Miss Louis, if you would…" I swallowed the doughy goodness before throwing the letter opener, cutting open the parcel.
"Earl Chamber's family doctor, Williams Somerset was attending a party sponsored by Earl Harwood when Mary Ann Nichols was killed. He has an alibi, and is not involved in secret societies…Has an alibi. Wale…was attending a meeting and has an alibi. Not involved in secret societies. Duke Bailey's family physician, Richard Oswal…spent time in the White Horse Pub with his comrades…has an alibi. Royal London Central Hospital…surgery…talking business and has an alibi…Not involved in secret societies…Inton's family physician, Josiah Condor…The day before… Cy Billow was killed. Was at the Ten Foxes Pub…Not involved in secret societies. Head of Baron Darsonton's family Dav…Surgeon at the hospital affiliated with London University. Simon E…Physician at Saint Thomas Hospital…O…Was dining with parents and has an alibi." Ciel and Lau smirked as Grell pretty much fell in love with Sebastian and Madam Red's hat slipped off as her brain rattled. "…Alibi…Not involved with secret societies…Burt's family physician, Nicholas Anthony…Bi. Is involved with secret societies. Physician at Royal London Central Hospital…Surgeon Adam Hayvitt. When Anna Harver was killed…had contact with a boy at Staple Inn and has an alibi…Wellington. When May Ann Nichols was killed…Not involved with secret societies. Duke Russells's family Physician J…Not involved in secret societies…" Sebastian and I said together.
"Based on these results…I have narrowed down the list of suspects to but one individual. Let us discuss the details after tea." Sebastian said with a smirk. "How in the world do you manage such a thing, Sebastian? Are you really only a butler? Are you sure you aren't O.H.M.S.S or something as well?" Madam Red asked, laughing nervously.
"…No. I am…" Sebastian placed his hand over his heart with a closed eye grin.
"…Merely…a butler."
I finally did it! I iz so happeh cuz I done did did it! Aren't you guys proud of me? So anyway I hope you guys enjoyed it! More to come and uh…comment or else…Doom to you all and…SEE YOU IN ANOTHER 5 MONTHS! :D