Interlude: Piece of instrumental music played between scenes in a play or opera.
Chapter Six: A Brief Interlude
It had been more than a few days since Harry had left. They had received his first letter, much to the joy of Dudley and the blossoming hope in Petunia. It had taken Lily two weeks to write to her when she had first left for Hogwarts. It was the amount of time between letters that had led her to write the desperate letter to that Headmaster as a child more than anything else that had occurred after sweet Lily, her precious baby sister, had left and seemingly forgotten her.
It seemed that while Harry had made new friends unlike his mother he had not forgotten the friends he had made here and would keep them in his heart. Even if they grew a part as they got older, Petunia was comforted by the fact that they were all making an honest effort. She wondered if her relationship with Lily would have been like if Lily's only other friend hadn't gone with to her new school but she pushed the thoughts away.
Thinking about Harry led to regret and bitter acceptance and Lily led to even more painful emotions. Petunia could easily look back at her reaction to Lily's child with clear eyes and she was horrified at what she found.
Finding him on the doorstep eleven years ago and reading that letter had enraged her for more than one reason. Lily had always been perfect in the eyes of her parents and after her letter had come, Petunia had fallen into the background. They were by no means a rich family but they were well off but Hogwarts cost more than a fair few pounds and the high pound to galleon transition fee caused by the war with that Dark Lord, it had wiped their family pockets quickly so that Petunia was unable to enter the educational programs she'd been planning on and had ended up attending a second rate college. Even worse was the fact that Lily, even while at school, got more attention from her parents than she had. With the help of the psychiatrist she was seeing the specialized in childhood trauma she could admit, if only to her doctor and herself, that she was emotionally abused and neglected as a child.
Being told that you're never good enough and that nothing you do will ever be as important as the accomplishments of your sibling was abuse and being forgotten in favor of that sibling was neglected at the best. It was these developing psychological problems that had morphed into her anger management issue, something that ran deep on her father's side of the family. That resentment and anger that had gone unchecked had rapidly taken control of her until she blamed the one person innocent of her suffering: Lily.
Her sister hadn't known what their parents were doing and if she had, Petunia could only imagine the war they would have when confronted with Lily's anger. However, her sister had never found out and their relationship had dwindled into nothing which left the innocent baby on her doorstep the only target left for her rage after the death of her parents. Petunia often wondered what would have happened to them all if things had been allowed to stay as they were; it was not a good thought.
She didn't love Harry. She couldn't, no matter how much she wanted to. Her past actions and the still lingering rage prevented that connection that she had with Dudley, the same as it prevented Vernon from attempting anything else besides affection. Harry was theirs but they'd never be able to love him like he deserved and they'd all come to terms with that.
Dudley was not restricted by such boundaries. He'd overcome his issues and as they were both small children, they'd moved passed the past grievances and had become closer than she and Lily had ever been and would never be. The best thing that she and Vernon could do was stay in the background and be polite and affectionate whenever Harry was involved but there would be not true love behind any of their actions.
Her last link to Lily was destroyed near completely by her actions and the actions of others. What she hadn't told those people was the fact that they'd all been to see professionals for their problems and it hurt, those group sessions. Harry had been so close, just a hairs length away, from becoming like her and that made her chest ache and Vernon wince at the thought. That resentment was buried deep under the surface of his thoughts and memories but they were told that it would never really go away and Harry would always be weary of adults because of it. A weariness of children had only been avoided by Dudley and their other friends and even that had been a close thing.
She was grateful that her nephew and could-have-been second son wouldn't be completely scarred by them but it was only a small comfort to what damage had really been done. Harry had developed a strong suspicion of strangers and authority figures and he'd shown a strong disregard for the rules due the extremity of the ones he'd been enforced under as a young child. It wasn't too late to instill in him a reason for rules but Lily had told her, when they still spoke, about the unreliability of teachers and staff in that school and Petunia knew that anything that she tried to teach him about rules would be thrown out as they were shown as feeble things once more. Experience would always outweigh taught values, in the long run, and Harry had little other than negative experience to build on.
There were exceptions to Harry's authority weariness and that was those that respected him in exchange for his own respect. She figured that those teachers that had come, Lily's old friend and the same teacher that had visited them once upon a time, would easily earn themselves Harry's respect but she was uncertain of the other teachers and that Headmaster. Petunia supposed that they would learn in time.
"Mom!" Dudley called from the living room. "Can I take Arctic to the park with Denis?"
"Of course, sweetheart! Be back in time for diner and invite Denis along to eat with us. Have him tell Deloris that it's fine with me and I'll bring him home myself!" She called back with a small smile. Dudley and Denis let out a cheer before taking the puppy out with them. Arctic, though magical, had quickly become part of the family and none of them would rather it be any other way.
Dudley had been a miracle, if Petunia was honest with herself. She and Vernon had been trying for years to have a child when she had finally fallen pregnant with Dudley. He was their little angel, a miracle from above and with the stress of giving birth to him having made it impossible for Petunia to conceive again, the first few years of his life had seen to him becoming increasingly spoiled. A bad decision on her part, one that she could now see, but then…then it had made perfect sense and part of her wondered if she wasn't compensating for the way that her parents had treated her.
It had spiraled out of control when Harry had arrived. At first, she was able to put aside her dislike for the baby boy but it had not last long as when he was a baby, Harry had been very active with accidental magic. The first time he cried and the china exploded was the last time she was able to ignore his differences and it was what officially began the cycle that had lasted until Harry was seven and a visit from a Primary School music teacher had changed the way anything worked.
Those changes had resulted in the vast improvements and realizations that she'd just been reflecting about however unlike her and Dudley, Vernon hadn't a real reason to act as he had and she knew that it bothered him.
Vernon was a gentle soul and he went out of his way to make sure no one knew it. He yelled at work, shouted when he was angry and generally mimicked his arsine sister, Marge. With her and Dudley, though, he was a soft as a kitten. What he'd agreed to do and let happen with Harry just seemed to bother him to no end. It was almost as if he wasn't himself and Petunia knew that Vernon didn't know why he'd acted that way.
She did. It was actually a simple answer and one that had plagued humanity since their beginning: fear. Vernon had been and probably still was afraid of Harry. As a baby, he could cry and break china, laugh and create wind, move objects just by wanting them. As a baby, he was more powerful than Vernon would ever be and it had scared him on a primary level were instinct out ruled logic. It was this same thing, spurred by the resentment and anger that had been festering in her from her parents' treatment of her that had led to her isolating both Lily and Harry without concern. She had reasoned that she didn't need them in her life and she had let that decision rule her actions towards them and now she'd never be able to take them back.
Vernon was similar. He had grown up in a deeply religious home and to have the basic facts of life as he knew them thrown out the door by a baby had probably shaken him on a deeper level than he had realized and Harry had become the image of the Devil in his eyes without him even realizing it. Petunia rather thought that he still held the same fear and that, too, was affecting him from ever being able to become close to his nephew.
They would never be able to fix what they had done to Harry and on some level, Dudley, but they could make sure that they never fell into the same patterns again and that the rest of the two children's lives were filled with happiness.
It was the least that Petunia could make sure they did and for her, it would never be enough.
A/N: So this isn't really a chapter but more of an interlude to see what's been happening since Harry left back at the Dursley's. Originally, I was going to wait a few chapters to have one of these put in but a review I received prompted an early posting.
I don't know who it came from as they either didn't have an account or were to lazy to sign in but it pissed me the hell off. They said this:
After reading the first 3 chapters I don't even need to check the writer name/gender. It's a fix-everything story written by a female(typically for that story case) which does not understand that a hero story needs the hero to struggle against the environment. There needs to be an antagonist personal or impersonal(unjust government). Without that the meta layer of the story does not work. But some people don't understand that and just think that poor Harry needs to live in a happy family as it's just so unfair. But how do you create tension and atmosphere in a happy happy world? Reflect on that...
Alright, yeah, I'm a girl. And if you even try to stereotype me, I will hate you forever so good job! And you only read three chapters? Well of course you did! If you didn't you wouldn't actually get a handle on the plot! There is an antagonist you moron! If you'd read more, you'd have realized that the very antagonist you wanted was themselves and their past! Petunia's parents scarred her for life by ignoring her in favor of Lily and when Lily became consumed in learning about the Wizarding World and lost touch with Petunia, her blame for her trouble's shifted to Lily and not her parents! Her childhood and resulting anger management problem was a result of her parents and unhealthily bottling her anger in for such a long time (she was in college when it first started becoming a true problem and not just a few mean words said to another child) and Vernon's own antagonist was his fear of the unknown and his religion which fed that fear in a vicious cycle.
And Harry hasn't lived a happy life. He was just a hairs length away from ending up like Petunia and developing life lasting problems. Even now he has a strong disregard for rules (as they are unjust from his experiences) and authority (as very few authority figures can be trusted from his perspective). This is going to cause more than a few problems later on in the story and it'll be something that he'll have to work hard to overcome! But you wouldn't know that because you only read THREE CHAPTERS!
He wasn't abused to the point where he was in the book but he was abused and no matter how long it lasted, there will always be long lasting effects! You can't just assume that I was going to completely forget the first years of his life when I made sure to mention it more than once! Real neglected and abuse (emotional and physical) doesn't rule everything that you do and every action that you make. Especially when you're abused at a young age. You don't think 'I'm doing this because so and so abused me and I don't know any better!' It' s natural and you don't even really consider or think upon your reactions because people just don't do that and their being abused doesn't change that! I have several friends that were abused or neglected as a child and I know from watching and talking with them how an abused or neglected person acts. It a subtle thing that you have to look for depending to the type and range of the abuse!
So GAH! I don't care if it's my story or someone else's people! Read more than THREE CHAPTERS (if there is more, if not well ignore this advice) before deciding how the plot is going to unfold! It's the author's job to be subtle and in three chapters, you're not going to automatically have a antagonist if it's a "from the beginning" fanfiction like mine or the beginning of a book series. It just depends on the author.
And if you dare declare that girls are the only ones to right the 'fix-everything' stories I will hunt you down and hurt you because hell no we aren't! I've seen more than one of those written by males! So :P to you!
Rant over. Sorry but I really needed to get that out there and the troll who left the review didn't leave their username (if they have one) so this was the only way to get out my frustration. And as for that reviewer to quote you: REFLECT ON THAT!