A/n: Hey everyone! Here is another chapter to 'Losing Myself' for you guys! I hope you liked the first three chapters! It was kind of hard to write the last chapter, I just wasn't feeling it last night but I got it finished anyway!
Have you guys heard of the song 'If I die young' by The Band Perry? If you haven't, well I totally suggest that you go and listen to it! Its soo painfully sad, but beautiful! It made me cry multiple times.. but that's besides the point!
Anyway,
Enjoy!
Third Person POV:
Magnus sighed as he finished getting dressed for the day. He looked at his reflection. It was him, obviously. But his face was covered in a layer of makeup and glitter. He never let anyone see him without it. It was like a protective mask that made him feel safer when he went to school. But then again, he was always taunted and bullied at school.
He laid down the bottle of electric blue liquid eyeliner and sighed again. It was funny how people could make him feel this bad about himself. His eyes started to tear up. They now had a glassy look to them. He tried to quell the tears. He didn't want to cry before school.
He picked his pink and black book bag from the floor and walked out of his room with his head bowed down. He didn't want his dad to see the makeup that he had on. After last night, he didn't really want to see his dad.
He walked out of his house and trudged down the road. On his way for another day in hell.
xx
School. Of course his parents would sign him up for school the very second he got to New York. And Hodge failed to tell him that he had school the next morning. So now he was running a little late because he had slept in a little.
He grimaced. Last night was one of the worst nights of his life. Besides that one night with Max. But that was besides the point. Hodge had found out about his self harm and threatened to tell his parents. But Alec doubted would tell them. He was a coward. And Hodge was also scared of his parents. Well, he was too. But he was their kid so he had to be.
Hodge had come in a few minutes ago and told him to get ready for school. He had gotten up quickly and rummaged through the clothing that was unpacked and picked out a plain shirt with dark jeans. He pulled on the clothes and a pair of socks and then his favorite pair of boots. He shoved the bottoms of his pants legs into the boots and grabbed a sweater.
He ran out of his room and down the stairs to find Hodge waiting for him with a brown bagged lunch. He raised an eyebrow and snorted. He felt so elementary. He took the lunch anyway. He ran out of the house and down the road.
Hodge had told him that the school was only down the road from where his house was to. So it shouldn't be too hard to find. He kept running until he came to the school.
It wasn't much, he decided. His school back in California was much larger and was a private school. But this was much smaller and was a public school. This was a new experience for him. He had never been to a public school before in his life.
Back at his old school every one had to wear uniforms. The uniforms weren't that bad. But the uniforms on other guys made Alec... a little uncomfortable. Okay, so maybe he liked a guy in a uniform. It was attractive. But at this new school, no one had to wear uniforms here. Which Alec was happy about.
He walked into the school and went to the main office. When he walked into the office, there was an old lady with pinkish hair behind a cherry wood desk. When he entered, she snapped her head up and smiled a friendly smile at him. He gave her a little wave.
"Can I help you?" She asked politely.
"Um yeah," He started. "I'm new here and I need a schedule."
Her eyes lit up with recognition and nodded. She rummaged around her desk until she found a piece of paper which Alec assumed was his schedule. She read the paper over and then handed it to him. His first class was English.
Which he was going to be late for.
"Um, I should be going now. Thanks" He muttered and then left the office.
He wandered around the hallways, looking for the right room. He wandered to the second floor and walked down the hall. He stopped when he found the right room. He knocked on the classroom door and waited.
A few minutes later a teacher opened the door. He looked at Alec with a quirked eyebrow.
"Yes?" The teacher asked.
"I'm Alec Lightwood. I'm new here" Alec said quietly.
"Ah yes, young Mister Lightwood. Come in" The teacher replied.
Alec stepped into the classroom and everyone stared at him. He looked around the classroom. The class had a very diverse group of people. There were girls who looked like cheerleaders and others that just looked snobby. There were guys who looked like jocks and others that were just bad ass he suppose. But there was one boy in particular that sat in the back. He had spiky hair.
The boy looked up from his paper and Alec resisted the urge to gasp. The boy was Magnus. The boy that he had met last night. What was the odds that he happened to go to this school? Alec saw that Magnus' eyes widened.
"Sir," Alec started. "Would I be able to sit next to him." Alec pointed to Magnus.
The teacher looked at him strangely. What was wrong with him?
"Wouldn't you rather sit next to Justin?" The teacher asked and pointed to a muscled jock.
Alec shook his head. "No thanks."
Whether he was allowed to sit next to Magnus or not, he walked down the isles of desks and took the empty seat next to him. Magnus' eyes were still wide. Alec gave him a small smile. Magnus shook his head and smiled timidly back at Alec. Alec's heart started to pick up pace a little.
"What are you doing here?" Magnus whispered.
"My parents enrolled me at this school. Small world, huh?" Alec replied.
"Yeah" Magnus smiled.
The teacher cleared his throat. They had been talking while the whole class was silent. Everyone were giving them weird looks.
"Okay class, I will now give you your assignment" The teacher said enthusiastically.
The class groaned and protested. Everyone, but Magnus and Alec. They actually liked English class. It was fun and easy and it was an easy A. That's if you actually paid attention.
"For your assignment, you must write your life story! Include all major details and special events that you cherish. It will be due in two months. And before you protest even more, I'm giving you a reasonable amount of time to work on it. You may chat quietly or start working on your projects for the rest of class" The teacher said and then started to correct old papers and tests.
Alec turned to Magnus. His bright blue eyes alight and a little happy to see his new friend. Maybe he wont be so lonely here. He smiled internally at that.
"So, would you want to sit with me at lunch?" Alec asked.
Magnus' eyes sparked with an unknown emotion. "Really?"
"Yeah. Why would you ask that?" Alec asked, confusion clear in his voice.
Magnus shrugged. "Not a lot of people want to sit with me. I'm a freak to everyone."
Alec smiled gently and brushed a stray piece of Magnus' hair out of his way. "Well, we can be freaks together."
Magnus laughed slightly at that. What was with this boy and making him laugh? He had never laughed so much before he came along. He always had a slight frown on his face and his eyes were downcast. He never felt like he belonged before Alec crashed into his life. It was new and exciting, but dangerous and terrifying as well.
"I think I'd like that" Magnus replied.
They spent the rest of the class talking about each other and themselves. Since they didn't know each other at all, they needed to spend a little time getting to know each other. Magnus learned that Alec had two other siblings, and a deceased little brother. Magnus felt his heart break for Alec. He looked so broken and sad. Alec had learned that Magnus had a fear of the dark and had issues with his body image and self esteem. Alec frowned while Magnus told him that. He told Magnus that he didn't need to worry about that. He was beautiful in his own way.
They didn't want to part ways when the bell for the next class rung. But they sighed and exchanged smiles and goodbyes before heading off for their next class.
xx
If Magnus said he wasn't surprised when Alec showed up in his first period English class, that would be a big fat lie. He was beyond surprised. He couldn't believe that the cute, gentle, and broken boy that he met the night before came to his school. It was thrilling.
As he walked down the hall to his second period math class, he wondered why Alec wanted to be his friend. Did he just feel pity for him? Or did Alec actually care enough to be his genuine friend? Either way he was happy that Alec wanted to be his friend.
He walked into the classroom and took his usual seat in the back of the room where not a lot of other people sat to. It was like he owned the back row and no one dared to sit in it. Afraid that they'll catch Magnus' weirdness. He didn't mind the slight air of solitude that he felt whenever he sat alone. He was very use to it. But he couldn't help but feel jealous of other people who had more friends then they could count and popularity and wealth.
But even though he felt a little jealous of others, he wouldn't trade his life for anything in the world. Some may say that was sick because of his disorder and orientation. But he was content with living with these things.
And maybe, now that he had Alec as a friend, that he could be even more content with his life.
xx
Alec felt restless in his European History class. The class itself was interesting, but he felt anxious to see Magnus at lunch time. He didn't understand why he was feeling this anxious to see one person. Maybe its because of the thrill of having a new friend. Or maybe it was just something different all together.
"Alec, what day, month, and year did the french take The Bastille, marking the real start of the French Revolution" His history teacher called on him.
Alec to think a little hard about this. He wasn't exactly paying attention to the class and he was sure that they covered this at the beginning of the class.
"Um, July 14th 1789?" Alec said this as a question.
The teacher beamed. "Great! That's exactly what is it."
He blushed and ducked his head. He didn't really like getting attention from others. Not even from his mother when he was a little kid. He guessed he just wasn't one to like attention and affection.
After another forty minutes of restlessness and not paying attention, the bell finally rang and Alec realized that he only had one more class before he got to see Magnus. With a groan he got up and went to art.
xx
It was finally lunch time and Magnus was actually excited to go to lunch. Not that he was going to eat or anything like that. But he was excited that he'll have someone to sit with. He hadn't had anyone sit next to him since fifth grade.
When he entered the lunchroom he saw Alec sitting at a table at the far corner of the room by himself. He had his head bowed down and he looked a little upset. He walked over to Alec. He sat down quietly next to Alec.
"If you're another person here to tell me what a freak I am. Too late, someone already beat you to it" Alec sadly sadly.
Magnus' heart broke for the sad boy. And who told him that he was a freak? Well, he did.. But he said it jokingly in English. Someone must have done damage to Alec to make him this upset.
"Why would I do that?" Magnus asked.
Alec snapped his head up. "Sorry, I thought you were someone coming to tell me that I have no right being here because I'm a freak."
Magnus furrowed his eyebrows. "Who told you that?"
"Some guy named Jace Wayland" Alec shrugged.
Magnus' blood boiled. Of course Wayland would tell that to the new student. He suddenly wanted to find him and punch him until he couldn't walk straight. He wanted to harm the boy so badly. But he fought it. Alec wouldn't want him to hurt someone else on his behalf. Or at least he thought so.
"Wayland said that?" He spat out.
"Yeah" Alec replied brokenly.
Magnus sighed. This wasn't suppose to happen. it was suppose to be a fun time and time to learn more about each other. Not deal with their issues because Wayland called Alec a freak and didn't belong here.
"Wheres your lunch to?" Alec asked suddenly.
Magnus cringed. "Alec.. I don't eat.. lunch."
"Even with your condition.. don't you think you should try to eat?" Alec asked, concern clear in his voice.
"I cant" Magnus said weakly.
Alec sighed. "Okay. I wont make you."
Magnus sighed in relief. He was afraid for a minute that Alec was going to make him eat something. He didn't think he would be able to do that without running to the bathroom to throw up.. again.
He remembered one time when he came to school without a lunch for two weeks, and when one of the teachers caught on she made him eat an apple and a juice box that she found in the teachers lounge. He remembered forcing the food down in front of her which almost made him have an anxiety attack. When he was done she let him go. But instead of going to the lunchroom, he spent the rest of the lunch hour in the boys bathroom throwing up. It was a horrible memory and he didn't want to relive anything like that. So that's why he tended to avoid eating around people/in school.
"Magnus.. if you keep this up, your going to get really really sick" Alec said quietly.
"I'm okay" He said at once.
Alec glared at him. "No your not! From what I can tell, you refuse to eat anything! And if you do eat you throw it back up! It scares me that my friend is doing this to themselves."
Magnus laughed a cold, bitter laugh. "You cant say much. You're the one who carves cuts and stuff into your flesh! I heard that those kind of cuts can get infected easily and the person with them gets sick too! So care about yourself more than me, okay?"
Alec picked up the remains of his lunch. He shoved them in the bag and got up from the table and gave Magnus a cold, dead stare. He looked really angry at the moment.
"You know what? I was only trying to help you, because I don't want to see you dead. But I guess if you don't care, fine then. I don't need this crap" Alec said coldly and walked away.
Magnus sat there for the rest of lunch, with his head bowed and resisting the urge to cry.
He thought that having Alec here could be fun.
But he thought wrong.
A/n: Okay then! Chapter four is done! I hope you guys liked it! And I know! Not a lot happens in this chapter either.. but I swear that's because I'm just using the early chapters to set up the story to get it in motion!
Myth: Bulimia is a good way to lose weight.
Fact: FALSE. Bulimia is an ineffective and dangerous weight control method. Over time, individuals with bulimia tend to gain weight.
I forgot that in the last chapter! Oops! Well, I wrote half of the last chapter at 2:00 in the morning! So can you really blame me?
Anyway,
Review?
Chantelle oxo