Chapter two: Again
"Do I know you?"
The thought slipped passed his blushing lips and spilled into the atmosphere like gasoline. He blinked away his temporary surprise, caught off guard by his own curiosity. Ready to ignite at any given moment, his voice danced gracefully between the silence: a prelude to the fire that fueled every unanswered question.
An indefinite amount of worry nestled between his eyebrows, as if I was cause for distraught. I followed his dulled, azure eyes, scrutinizing my face in slight disbelief. The mass blue of sky erupted in a flurry of snowflakes. Though they came without warning, I would not be distracted by their sudden appearance. A particularly daring one landed perfectly atop his head, hanging dangerously off his locks before swiftly melting away from his heat. His breath fanned across his face. I watched, mesmerized, when the fog dissolved, to see what had been denied from me in this life.
"What do you think you're doing here, little one?"
Whatever concern that befell him was replaced with relief. The young man glared at me, huffing when I called him 'little one'. I suppose that was offensive, since he wasn't so little anymore. In comparison to my child master, he stood nearly a foot taller, a few years older. While holding their impeccable cherubim prominence, his features were sharper. The lines on his sculpted jaw were noticeably wider. Though delicate in many attributes, his body had a leanness to it that commanded the attention of all. When he spoke, the uncertain rasp in his youthful voice melted into a soft tenor that compelled me to my spot. Yet I was still undiscerning. How was it possible that I stumbled on the same creature I was transfixed by all those years ago?
"I could ask you the same thing. I own this place, and you, sir, are trespassing."
"You managed to sound convincing, but I am well acquainted with the true owner of these grounds, and you are certainly not him. Which only means that you are the trespasser," I flashed him a polite smile. His ears perked when I mentioned the owner, but he did not falter. He kept his calm, though his scent was riddled with mortification. This one was not used to getting caught in a lie.
"You must be mistaken," he insisted, "I own this land." It was a proud declaration I hadn't heard in ages. If there was doubt before, it was unquestionable now. The way he emphasized his words was the same proud way the little lord did.
He stood in contemplation of his next move as snow began piling into his hood. The longer he stayed, shivering in the cold, the rosier his cheeks became. If he remained exposed to this kind of weather, the more susceptible he would be to catching another illness. What was he thinking, coming here without protecting himself from the weather? In fact, what were his reasons for being in such a place?
The quiet grumble of his stomach interrupted my internal scolding. Where was he staying? Was he getting a sufficient amount of food? Obviously not, according to his shameless stomach.
"Are you cold? Hungry? If you'd like, we can discuss this over a warm meal."
"Don't be ridiculous. What makes you think I'd be willing to follow a stranger?"
"A stranger?" I found myself scoffing at the absurdity. He must know that I have never been a stranger to him. Surely he is aware of something, if he managed to find himself here.
"Just...who are you?"
"I've had many names in the past, but I prefer to be called Sebastian," I said, inching closer. There was a sudden shift of feet as he stared at me, mouth slightly agape. It was the name he was wishing to hear, but never truly expected. It was enough, at least, to briefly fuel the fire in his extinguished eyes.
He did not flinch. Even when I was a fraction of a hair away, he did not cower in fear. But I knew. Oh, I could feel it. Flowing through his veins were a series of conflicting emotions. His instincts screamed at the unnatural entity before him. They warned him to turn back, to run to the world he was currently a part of. That piece of him was acutely aware of the danger, and yet he refused to listen. There was another piece of him, a very foolish one, that overthrew those senses. They begged him to come closer. They pleaded to be with me.
"And you? What do you call yourself?"
I felt his hesitation. Perhaps he knew the utterance of the name would result in a change. That, if he were to say the name he's grasping on to so tightly, locking behind his pursed lips, he may keep everything he has come to accept. He shuffled back, distancing himself from me. There was still a chance to go back to that life. He need only state a different name, turn around, and never come back.
"Ciel," he breathed the name I could never bring myself to speak. In the distance, was the toll of an old church clock. He looked in the direction of the chimes that rang through the air, and counted the hour.
"I should go," he said ducking his head into his popped collar. Before I could coax him to stay, before I could even say his name, he turned around and marched in the opposite direction. I watched him, bewitched by his poise, and did nothing to stop him. For, if I knew him as well as I thought, he would come back on his own accord.
When I was far enough from earshot, he stopped.
"Will I... see you again?" he demanded without looking back.
"Of course," I replied, not daring to look away, "whenever you wish to see me, I will always be there."
. . .
"Welcome back. Something told me you wouldn't stay away for long."
It had only been a few hours since our last encounter. The sun rose merely hours ago, and while morning had yet to begin, the young man had already found his way here.
I hadn't gone far away from the ruins of the old mansion. I couldn't risk missing an early visit from him, and so I found a comfortable spot on the branches of a tree, and waited. The night came, and went, faster than any I had come across before. There was something different about that evening that made me eager for day to come. While I was fully conscious, and demons do not sleep, there was something lucid in the air that made the world feel dreamlike. His presence was nothing short of astounding, and awaiting his return was enough to bide my time.
He looked as if he too, hadn't slept all night. His hair was ruffled, and dark circles were pressed under his eyes. He was wearing the same coal parka, finally zipped up, with the addition of a plain woolen scarf. At least he tried to dress more appropriately this time.
"Care for some breakfast?"
He thought about it, and nodded.
I took him to a café down the street that seemed suitable enough for him. I ordered him a mug of Earl Grey and eggs Benedict, and a bottle of water for myself. If I was to be in the human world, I might as well pretend to be one.
When I sat down, he had removed his coat and scarf, and was eyeing the meal until I put it in front of him. He began eating slowly, paying more attention to the eggs than the one watching him.
He was, despite the physical changes, exactly like the master. The cold way he ate as if I wasn't really there, the way, no matter how hard he tried, something always ended up smeared on the corner of his mouth, or his appetite for bitter teas were all the same. There were little tidbits of himself which were still present in this new form of his.
"I am surprised you agreed this time."
"I figured if you wanted to kill me, you would have done so already," he smirked and ate his bread in peace.
"Tell me about yourself, Sebastian," he said as he finished up the last of his tea.
"I'm afraid this talk will not do well in here," I flashed my eyes crimson for only him to see, and his eyes widened with intrigue. He knew just what I was without having to say it.
We made our way out of the café, and roamed the tired streets of London. For the most part, we marched, side by side for hours, in comfortable silence. It was just as it was before. He walked slightly ahead of me, our strides near matching, as we dipped in each others' presence. When I could tell his feet were sore, and he was no longer enjoying our walk, I brought him to the nearest park.
Facing a small lake, and hidden from the paths of strolling couples, was a bench which I sat down on. He gladly sat with me.
"You are not from here, are you?" I asked. Although I did not diligently search for him too far out of London, I would have felt his presence if he were anywhere near this area. So, how was he able to escape my detection? Where has he been hiding all this time?
"Yes, I was born in Plymouth, but I grew up in a little city in France." If he was surprised by the question, he did not show it. It's no wonder, then. I stayed in England thinking if he were to return as anything but himself, he would come here. I was right, in a way. He was here, after all. But how many times had he returned without my knowledge? How many times have I missed my chance to be with this precious soul?
"What brings you here, then?" He shoved his gloved hands into his pocket, and stared at the sky before answering.
"I wasn't lying, you know. That place does belong to me. My parents they...it was really under their name, but now it belongs to me. I am a Phantomhive."
"How are you related to them?" That's impossible, he didn't have any...
"I never inherited the name, but I am a descendant of one Edward Midford, whose mother was a Phantomhive before her marriage. My great grandmother was part Midford, and in my blood I carry the same pedigree, though much less. I am still a Phantomhive, nonetheless."
I see. So that was why he was the spitting image of the little earl.
"But Ciel is not, in fact, your real name?" I questioned.
"My real name doesn't matter, Sebastian. You out of all people should know that. A name is something given to you by someone who has never met you before. Strangers. Is it not more important, what I know myself to be?"
He was right, in a sense. Humans prided themselves on the names they received, and would strive to fill those names as they grew. But a name is nothing more than you believe it to be. They were created to differentiate one another, to boast of the accomplishments within their lineage-things they have not achieved, but accept praise for. They meant nothing to me, until recently. After all, my name was also chosen for me under similar circumstances. What I am now has very much to do with the fact I was ghosting a name that didn't belong to me anymore.
"Then you are, I presume, truly the reincarnation of the one Ciel Phantomhive?"
His gaze dropped, wistfully scanning the iced over lake.
"It's my understanding that reincarnation means I am somehow a different person from my predecessor. My soul, as I believe it is, has been reborn into a new body, that much is true. Aside from that fact, there is no difference between the me now, and the me before. I am, however, here. Our thoughts are the same, our memories, mostly. We are simply separated by a thousand years. Though it seems odd to everyone else, I have never considered myself anyone but Ciel Phantomhive."
The boy sitting beside me has a set of memories that aligned with the young master. He carried a soul identical to the young master. Then he must know-
"It's getting cold," I remarked, watching him tremble slightly. "Is there a place you would like me to take you?'
He stood up without a word, only nodding at me to follow. I met with his pace, and he led me to the hotel he was staying at.
Upon entering his room I was immediately intoxicated by his scent. Although he hadn't inhabited it for long, it was enough to enveloped me. It was a fairly spacious place with sparse furniture. A queen sized bed dominated the farthest end, and a large television was displayed promptly in front of it, standing on a mahogany dresser.
"I used to have dreams," he said over his shoulder, as he kicked off his winter clothing and made way to the kitchen to warm up some water. I sat down at a petit glass table in the middle of his room and he joined me.
"At least, I used to think they were, since they first came to me while I slept," he continued slowly. "My whole life I've dreamt of being consumed by an unrelenting fire. I'd see an old mansion burning to the ground over and over again, I'd feel the heat on my skin as if I were melting with it."
He stood up to stop the now crying teapot, and returned with two mugs of tea. I declined his offer, and he did not press me. He took a sip before continuing.
"I saw the faces of people I called my parents lying, dead on the ground. But they're not them. They're not the ones I have come to know," he chuckled darkly, staring at the liquid I determined was chamomile.
"But those weren't the worst ones. I've seen people in masks, forcing me to eat, dancing around me, taking their turns..." he cleared his throat and took another sip.
"My night terrors tore my parents apart. I'd constantly wake up screaming, and they'd have to comfort me until I fell asleep again. They worried about me, always paranoid at the little things that might set me off...always watching me to make sure I was okay."
"But oddly enough, those weren't the dreams that stood out most to me. The ones that I recall the most, are always of a figure who's constant vigilance I was under. I saw his face, your face," he stressed, "everywhere."
He paused again before saying, "I told my parents about that man. They told me they were only dreams and 'dreams cannot hurt you'. But I knew he wasn't there to hurt me. At least, it seemed more like he was there protecting me. They didn't believe me when I insisted he must have been real. But I'd see him, I'd see you..."
Suddenly, he was staring right at me, voice filled with wonder.
"Those weren't just dreams, were they? They were... things that really happened. They are memories from my other life, when I was born a Phantomhive. No one believed me, no one understood why I never answered to my name, but it's only because I wasn't who they thought I was."
"Last month, I lost both my parents...and I found...I found you. There was a photograph of us, in that old life, in that torn down mansion. I looked it up, found the deeds to the estate, and I came here. I have known you, Sebastian, for my entire life. There is no way I could mistake you for someone else, this much I'm sure of. But see, even though I remember most things, I don't remember everything. I know you are not of this world, I know we made some sort of contract, but I don't recall what the nature of our relationship was. For the life of me, I don't understand those memories. But I can't shake off the feeling that..." a blush crept onto his face when he caught himself droning.
I was satisfied that he remembered even a little bit of me, but angry that he didn't recall it all. How could he forget the feelings he forged upon me? I have not spent a night without a single thought of him, and yet he... Humans were such blissful creatures.
"Why is it I remember everything, but I can't piece together everything about you?"
He fell silent, waiting for my reply. I wasn't sure what answer I could give him to thoroughly explain the life we shared together.
"You were my master, once."
"And you were my butler. But was that all? That can't be. Did you at least, love me like a son?"
I shook my head, no.
"We made a contract. You sold your soul for revenge. Except, after years of working for you, you became too ill to continue our pursuit. I killed you. You died before either of us fulfilled the bargain, and I suppose your soul went on its way."
He gulped down what remained of his tea, and gently stood up. Making his way to his suitcase, he took out a white t-shirt and plaid pajama bottoms. Then, rather abruptly, he took off his shirt and replaced it with the other. I turned away, giving him some privacy though his lack of decency called for none.
"What? As if you haven't seen me undress before. Really," he teased.
Anger suddenly filled me, and I lunged at him. Immediately, one hand found the base of his throat, pinning him to the wall, while the other held his face in place, squeezing his cheeks to cease his goading. It did enough to silence him, as he waited for me to speak again.
"Do not tempt me. Never forget that I am a demon, little one, a free demon who is not bound to you. We have created no contract. I am not entitled to give you everything you wish. I am not entitled to do your bidding, nor can I promise you will be safe in my presence at all times. I am a demon. I do not have to remain as civil as I have been. Nothing is stopping me from killing you."
Except, I was distracted by the way his toes managed to touch the ground, and that his legs no longer dangled when I brought him to eye level. It was then that I noticed the thickness of his neck, and the fact that he came up to my nose when he stood upright. My, he's so grown! How could I have missed it?
When I broke from my frenzy, I saw him smiling at me, as if he were happy to meet with the demon.
"Now, don't be coy. You must have some inkling as to why you are still here."
"You didn't kill me before, Sebastian," he said, putting his hands overtop mine in attempt to calm me. I let him go and he landed on both feet, rubbing the marks left by my fingers.
"Perhaps I am here a second time to make sure you will not go back on your word again-"
"Wrong," I sneered, feeling the rage slipping back.
"You didn't take my soul when you had the chance. I remember. You used to go off about how much you wanted to devour every inch of it, yet when the time came and you were given the chance you did nothing. You lied. The only possible reason for that is because you loved me," he whispered, "then, and now. You love me."
"And you? The reason you stayed though you are fully aware I am a demonic being?"
He smirked playfully, as he sat on his bed to finish changing. "Because the me before loved you too."
"Before? That is to say, you do not love me now?"
"I may have known of you for my entire life, but I still know nothing about you. The you within my dreams, was never a human being. You were always, always something that continued to play a role. That? What you just did there was your true nature, not whatever façade you put on for me."
"I was more true to you than I ever was to anyone else," I assured, placing a hand over my heart and bowing slightly as I did.
"I find that hard to believe."
"I do not tell lies, my little one. Not to you. Not ever, and not now."
He stood up, filling the space between us. He lifted a hand, and delicately forced me to look at him. I felt tingling in my cheek where his fingers traced me. Nothing was spoken for a while, as he continued staring at me.
"Why did you come here?" I found myself asking. He could have lived the rest of his life unburdened by me.
"You've been grieving all this time, haven't you?" His eyes burned with pity as he looked at me, his face drawing closer to mine.
"That's why you were at the mansion yesterday...Well, I am here now, Sebastian. I am here, and we finally have the chance to finish what we started. Tonight, you may devour me if you please. And when you're through, you can finally go on."
"I will never be through with you," I growled lowly, pressing our foreheads together.
"I'd hope not," he grinned impishly, wrapping his arms around my neck before pulling me in to taste his lips. I met with his fervent kiss, my mouth moving with his as he poured into me every emotion withheld in the past. His kiss, inexperienced and delightful in every aspect, was one I had never felt before. The urgency between each breath drove me mad with bliss, pervading my thoughts with his sweetness, and causing a strange sensation to boil in my chest.
When he couldn't breathe anymore, he let me go to catch his breath. Then, pushing off of me, he strolled to the light switch and flicked off the lights. Once again walking past me, he went straight to the bed, pulled down the covers, and slipped under them.
"Stay with me? At least until I fall asleep," he demanded, lying down and rolling to his side to expose his back. I swiftly positioned myself at the foot of his bed. But just as I stood there, he propped himself onto his elbows, and grinned sheepishly at me. With a short, disapproving tut of his tongue, and a shake of his head, he patted the empty side of the mattress, and extended his arms towards me.
I laughed at his forwardness before throwing myself onto the bed, wrapping my arms around him, and holding him.
That night, I found myself falling into a rare state of common stupor, in a peaceful sleep that had never came before. For what more could I ever ask, when I had him with me again?
A.N. Because today is their anniversary and I had to to something about it.
Thank you for waiting oh so patiently! I'm very sorry it took so long. After a while of trying to tweak the plot, I think I have it mostly figured out. I should be back with the last and final chapter in about a month, after all my exams and junk.
As always, thank you for the reviews/favourites! You guys are awesome!