Avengers: Las Vegas
Hi, sorry for the slight delay. Hope you enjoy this chapter!
Disclaimer: I own nothing, I merely muse.
Chapter Three
Show me the way to the next whiskey bar
The Doors
-~(*)~-
"I'd forgotten how much I hate planes," said Bruce, rubbing his temples as they all stepped off the jet.
"Get used to it, Doc," said Tony, sunglasses already on as they walked towards the waiting car. "Let's get to the villa so I can pass out."
"If you'd slept last night you wouldn't have that problem," said Bruce, sensibly.
"He is a fine drinking companion," said Thor, proudly.
They all slung their bags into the trunk.
"See? Thor appreciates me." Tony slid into the back seat of the car, and huddled in the corner.
"We're here to excessively drink. Why start that already hungover?" asked Bruce, clambering into the seat next to Tony.
"I'm taking full advantage of being off-duty. I haven't been drunk properly since the day after New York was invaded by the Chitauri."
Thor just about managed to squash into the spacious car. "A true warrior can still perform at his best while intoxicated to the point of mumbling speech and swaying gait."
Clint squeezed in next to Thor.
Tony nodded approvingly.
"None of you were in Budapest," said Clint, with a sigh. "I was off duty then. Just a couple of bottles of Unicum and then... Bam. You lot know what happened. I've been suspicious of heavy drinking on nights off since that. It would've been hard enough to face that sober."
The car pulled away smoothly, and barely fifteen minutes later, they pulled up outside their temporary home.
They all clambered out, and slammed the car doors.
"Holy shit."
Tony pushed a code into the entrance panel, and the door clicked open to admit them.
It was enormous.
From the end of the hallway to the left, was a step down to a cosy-feeling living room. A huge, grey speckled marble fireplace was the main feature of the room, surrounded by an assortment of plush brown couches that had the texture of marshmallows. A huge burgandy rug seemed to cuddle and massage every toe as you stepped on it.
To the right from the hallway was the kitchen and dining room. Every surface was glass or black marble, reflecting the soft indoor lighting. Everything screamed of money, but it worked so well that it was expensively tasteful.
To the left of the hallway was a beautifully grand staircase, the perfect beckon upstairs to the five gorgeously furnished bedrooms. All had luxuriously huge, cloud-soft, leather beds, with 50 inch flat-screen TVs embedded into the walls, and hotel-style en-suite bathrooms.
"Tis most impressive," admitted Thor. "I am much indebted to you, man of iron."
"You're welcome. It's only because I love you," said Tony.
"This is fucking Vegas!" said Clint. Out of habit, he committed the layout of the villa to memory, just in case he needed to make a quick escape.
"This place is enormous!" said Bruce, peering in yet another gorgeous bedroom.
"OK, ladies, pick a room," said Tony, staggering into the closest room. He fell backwards onto the cloud-like bed. "Get ready. We're heading out in two hours. Clint, don't do anything sneaky, no explosives, no tampering with anything. Where's the coffee machine?" Less than a minute later, he was snoring.
The others moved back downstairs.
Bruce checked his watch. "Give it four hours. What do you fancy for dinner, Thor?"
"What is the local delicacy?" Thor inquired.
"All-you-can-eat is pretty popular here," said Clint, rummaging through some flyers that were stuck up on a memo-board near the door.
"Sounds perfect," said Thor.
Suddenly, Bruce's cell phone rang. He fumbled it out of his pocket, and answered the call. "Hello?"
"Hey, Bruce, it's Jane. Did you guys arrive OK?"
"Yes, no problems. Did you want to talk to Thor?"
"No, no, just checking you're all OK. I won't bother you guys. Darcy's arrived. We're at the spa with Pepper."
"Sounds lovely. Heard anything from Cap?" Bruce asked.
"Er, no. Have you?"
"Apparently he's meeting us here, but we haven't heard anything more definite yet."
"Oh, OK. I'll keep an ear out, and let you know if I hear anything."
"Thanks, Jane."
"OK, I'll let you go now. Have fun. Stay safe. Don't let Thor gamble."
"I'll try on all accounts."
"Thanks, Bruce. Bye, bye, bye."
Bruce hung up the phone.
Clint selected one of the flyers and showed it to Bruce and Thor. "All cuisines, favourable reviews all round, ten minute taxi ride from here. Sound good?"
"Sounds fine to me," said Bruce.
"I fear we shall make a considerable dent in their profits," mused Thor, gazing wistfully at all of the listed foods.
"Cool. Let's chill out for a bit. Anyone want coffee?" Clint headed towards the super-shiny kitchen, and began searching through the cupboards.
"You do make a fine brew," said Thor.
"Just a small one, please, Clint," said Bruce.
Ten minutes later, three beautifully constructed coffees were on the glass table, looking like a work of art. Wow. Clint kind of wanted to take a photo of his handiwork, and that didn't happen very often, especially not during work hours.
Thor delicately sipped from his mug. "A work of art, my friend."
Clint smiled smugly.
Bruce returned downstairs, looking confused and a little annoyed.
"What's up, Doc?" Clint asked, in a passable Bugs Bunny voice.
"I think someone went through my bag," said Bruce, sitting down at the table.
Clint pushed the smallest cup of coffee over to him. "Why, is something missing?"
"Just... toiletries," said Bruce, vaguely.
"I have a spare toothbrush," Clint offered.
"Thanks, but it's hair product I'm missing."
"What do you need? I've got shampoo, gel...?"
"Regaine?"
Clint hummed. "That'll be Tony. You know how he does 'hilarious' pranks when he's drunk and sleep-deprived."
"Great," sighed Bruce. "I'll bug him about it later."
Thor finished his coffee. "Would either of you care for some Asgardian mead to start the celebrations?"
"I had Medovukha in Russia," mused Clint. "I loved that stuff."
"Well, the Asgardian variety is the finest you shall ever indulge in," promised Thor, finding glasses and pouring out four portions with a gentleness that didn't suit his indimidating size.
"Shall we wait for Tony?" Bruce asked, giving his glass a delicate sniff. It smelt a little musty, yet bright and clean.
"No need, the party has arrived!" Tony strutted over to the table, stole Clint's untouched coffee, and downed it.
Clint made a horrified noise as his work of art disappeared, never to be seen again. "You monster."
Tony picked up his glass of mead. "Excellent choice, Point Break."
"How was your sleep?" Bruce asked, still bitter about his Regaine.
"Great, thanks, Doc. I'm now ready and rearing to go." He lifted his glass in the air. "To Thor and Jane, and their long and happy lives together!"
They all clinked their glasses together.
"Except that, you know, he's practically immortal, so really-"
Clint stepped very deliberately on Tony's foot. "Thor and Jane!"
"Thor and Jane," Bruce echoed.
Thor smiled broadly as he and his comrades drank their mead. He was right, it was delicious. It tasted like sunshine would taste.
"So," said Tony, after they'd finished the bottle, "who's ready to hit Vegas?"
-~(*)~-
"May I take your drink orders, gentlemen?" asked a low, sensual voice.
"Martini. Dirty. Very dirty," requested Tony, not even looking at the waitress.
"Just a tap water, please," said Bruce.
"Five tankards of your strongest ale," requested Thor.
"Certainly," she said, making a few scribbles on her notepad. "And for you, sir?" she asked Clint.
The scent of lust; sweat, perfume, and alcohol, seemed to swirl around her. It was dirty and moreish and unbelievably good.
Clint couldn't speak, couldn't move, couldn't close his goddamn mouth to stop the possible escape of drool.
"Maybe a tap water for him, too," said Bruce.
"Lightweight," muttered Tony.
"Are you well?" Thor asked Clint, sounding genuinely concerned.
"I love you," Clint burst out, unable to stop it.
"Aw, you're so sweet," said the waitress, before turning and walking back to the bar.
"You're in there, mate," said Tony, giggling.
"Would you like to go back to the villa?" Bruce asked, kindly.
"Perhaps not the best mating ritual to employ," said Thor, wisely.
"Did you not see her? She's a fucking goddess." Clint swayed on his stool to get a better look at the blonde waitress.
"Well, I'm afraid that you've blown the small chance that you had with her by physically and literally drooling, then shouting at her," said Tony, still giggling.
Clint groaned, and knocked his head against the table. "I don't want to be an Avenger any more. Even when I do get girls, they just want to use me as a way to meet you guys. Maybe not you, Bruce. Sorry."
"Understandable," said Bruce, with an understanding nod.
The waitress returned with a tray of their drinks. "Anything else I can get you, gentlemen?"
Tony, Thor and Bruce all looked at Clint, to see if he would dare.
Clint thought for a moment, then exhaled. "Not unless you want to be the hen to my cock?"
The waitress blinked. Clearly, she had never heard that before.
Thor squinted at the archer for a long time.
Tony burst into giggles again.
Bruce slowly shook his head in disappointment.
Clint went bright red. "No, no, that wasn't meant to be kinky. See, I'm a bird. Well, my nickname is a bird..."
"Blue tit?" Tony suggested, in a high-pitched voice.
"And as a general rule," continued Clint, shamelessly, "a female bird is a 'hen', and a male bird is a..." He muttered the last word completely inaudibly.
"Say it," Tony goaded him. "Say 'cock' again. Cherry on the cake. Condom on the cock. Say it."
"Is a cock," said Clint, tonelessly.
"That's... good to know," said the waitress, before almost running away from their table.
Thor, Tony and Bruce all stared at Clint.
"You're such a cock," said Tony, finally.
"Shut up, she likes me," said Clint, confidently.
"Of course she does," said Tony, condescendingly.
Clint swiped Tony's drink in retaliation, and downed it in one swallow.
"You don't even like martinis."
"I do if it annoys you," said Clint, resisting the urge to drink some water to get rid of the taste.
"I'm going to pop outside for a minute," announced Bruce, standing up slowly.
"You OK, Doc?" Clint asked, reaching for his water nonchalantly.
"Yeah, just need a bit of air. I think it's all the flashing lights, they're making me a little dizzy."
"Want some company?" Tony offered, taking one of Thor's tankards of ale instead.
"I'm pretty sure that I can look after myself," said Bruce.
"See you in five, then."
-~(*)~-
Six Hours Later
Tony's eyes gradually opened. At first, the light seemed cruelly bright enough to blind him, but a few blinks later and he could see. Granted, his vision was fuzzy around the outside, and someone had clearly stamped on his head a few times, and possibly sandpapered his mouth, but he was alive. Just.
Using all of his limited strength, he shuffled around on the floor -next to the perfectly usable bed, he noted, bitterly- and finally managed to sit upright.
He clamped a hand to his face, and focused on breathing for a moment. He hadn't had a hangover this bad since he was fifteen.
"Guys!" he called, trying to hide the weakness in his voice. "There had better be coffee on!"
He listened hard for a reply. Unless there was coffee in the pot, he wasn't moving another inch.
Silence.
"Damn." He tried to stand, but the world was clearly being shaken like a Polaroid, so he crawled -yes, crawled- out of the bedroom, and down the stairs to the kitchen. "Where is everyone? Thor snores like a thunderstorm, so he definitely isn't here." He pulled himself into a standing position, using the kitchen counter to stable himself.
There was no sign of anyone at all. No discarded coats, shoes, random articles of clothing, vomit, nothing.
"Clint!" Tony called, tentatively climbing the stairs again. "Bruce? Thor?"
An impending sense of something being very wrong started to flow over him.
"Shit," he said, seeing all the empty, perfectly-made beds, which clearly meant that none of them were there, or had been there.
There was a knock at the front door.
Almost tripping over his own feet in anticipation, Tony stumbled down the stairs, and yanked the door open.
"Well," said Nick Fury, "you have been busy."
-~(*)~-
To be continued... :)