Avengers: Las Vegas
Many thanks for the interest in this story! This chapter is for anyone who asked about Clintasha ;)
Disclaimer: I own nothing, I merely muse.
Chapter Four
I saw the midnight coming, and I watched her go
Kings of Leon
-~(*)~-
"I don't know what you mean," said Tony Stark.
Nick Fury raised an eyebrow. "Have you tried watching the news this morning?"
"Ah, fuck.."
Nick crossed into the living room, switched on the TV, and gestured for Tony to join him.
Trying not to stumble too obviously, Tony walked over to the nearest couch, and all but collapsed onto it.
It didn't take Nick long to find a news channel.
Oh.
The horror.
Tony saw his own drunken self falling over six -no, seven- times from the door of a bar to a taxi which, ironically, was only four steps apart.
The headlines:
"Quiet Night In For The Avengers?"
"Alcohol Tolerance Isn't Included In Superhero Package Deal"
"Stark Naked"
Hang on... Oh fuck.
"You see the problem I have?" Nick asked, pausing the TV at a rather unfortunate time, which froze the image of Tony running down the street, completely naked except for his sunglasses.
"It could be a lookalike," Tony mumbled.
Nick sighed, and unpaused.
Thor ran into view behind Tony, picking up Tony's discarded clothing as he went.
"Ah, shit."
Nick turned the TV off, to Tony's joy. "So. Where are the others?"
Tony rubbed his eyes. "I can honestly say that I have no idea. Any footage of them?"
"SHIELD did get footage of Thor and Hawkeye flying through Vegas, but nothing on Banner."
"Fuck, that's not good."
"Indeed. So, what's the plan?"
Tony thought for a while, then sighed. "Coffee."
-~(*)~-
Blearily, Clint Barton forced his eyes open.
Immediately, he wished that he hadn't, because he was hanging in the air by his foot. "Fuck me sideways with a ladle." He managed to pull himself up. "Fuck."
Hangovers didn't normally leave Clint up a tree. In the middle of the desert. Naked.
"Shit."
He hid in the sparse branches of the tree for a moment, trying to gather his senses.
"Shit. Right. Oh, fuck."
He sighed, and cast his eyes slowly over his surroundings.
Nothing.
Just desert.
Lots of sand.
Jesus.
"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." He lithely jumped down from the tree, and leaned against the trunk, rubbing his eyes.
This had to be a joke. It had to be. But didn't people normally play pranks on the groom on at the bachelor party?
Clint looked around uselessly for his cell phone, his clothes, a sign post, pretty much anything.
"Right, you fuckers. You're gonna pay for this one day. I don't know how, but it's gonna fucking happen. This ain't funny. Could you lot have at least left me with some sunblock? I'm gonna get crispy."
He sighed heavily, rubbing his temples furiously. "Shit. Do I stay here or try to head to civilization? Not that I know which way that is, anyway."
Grimly, he made up his mind, and started walking away from his tree, into the wilderness.
-~(*)~-
"Right. You've had your coffee. About three gallons of it."
"It's a sacred time of the day," said Tony, twitching slightly, but feeling infinitely more alive.
"Brilliant. Right. We have a problem. Quite a big problem, actually."
"Missing Avengers, yeah, I know."
"I mean, as well as the missing Avengers," said Nick, looking more serious than Tony had ever seen him before.
"That doesn't sound good."
"It's not."
-~(*)~-
Swearing occasionally, Clint continued to jog along.
He estimated that he had traveled around twenty miles, but he had now been assured of civilization by recent tyre tracks, which he was now following.
He really wanted some water.
And a bacon sandwich.
And some pants.
Luckily, on the horizon, there seemed to be a structure of some sort.
Clint picked up his pace, hoping to Christ that this wasn't some sort of illusion.
After fifteen minutes, he reached a large, completely isolated trailer. It was about the size of a two-bedroom bungalow, camouflage green in colour, and seemed to be made of some sort of reinforced metal. Next to it was a black, non-descript van, which had clearly made the tracks that Clint had followed.
Stealthily, Clint began to scout out the situation. There were no keys in the van, nor were there any windows or doors open on the trailer.
Suddenly, the front door was thrown open.
Clint had the split-second, horrifying decision to make: to cover his exposed nether regions, or attempt to defend himself. He decided to split.
As he covered himself as best he could with his left hand, his right hand formed the 'peace' symbol, which he waved madly at his potential saviour.
"Can I help you?" asked a gorgeous, smokey voice.
Clint made a very unattractive noise; it wasn't every day that he wake up naked in the desert, run about a marathon, and then come face to face with the most beautiful woman in the world... who happens to be pointing a gun in your face.
She was of medium height, slim with lean muscles, yet with the kind of curves that left men with dry mouths. A skin-tight black catsuit hugged her body, but it was clear that it wasn't made for visual appeal: it was practical, covered in weaponry, and reinforced in certain area for extra protection. She was dressed to kill, in the most literal sense. Her emerald eyes were sharp and unforgiving. The M4A1 Carbine she carried seemed to be held with familiarity and ease.
All in all, she was as beautiful as he had thought she was the previous night... only today, this 'waitress' was no longer blonde... she was a vibrant redhead.
-~(*)~-
"So, what's the problem?" Tony asked, wondering if it was socially acceptable to make a couple of espressos.
"Loki. We have reliable intel that Loki made a recruit when he was attacking New York. This recruit was not used in the fighting, being far too valuable for that. The main purpose was to spy and gather information on the Avengers."
"What's the point of that if Loki's in Asgard?"
Nick Fury sighed. "He's escaped."
"Sorry, what, how?" Tony dragged his hands through his messy hair. "Thor personally gave his word that Loki would be entirely unable to-"
"Loki is a master of deceit and illusion. He's the god of mischief, for fuck's sake."
"Is that why Cap was detained?"
"He was aiding us with Loki's recruit."
"Any luck with that? What are we facing here, exactly?"
"Stark, have you heard of Black Widow?"
-~(*)~-
I know it's not the longest chapter, but in the next one we're catching up with some other characters, and it didn't read right for it to all be in one massive chapter. Forgive me? See you next chapter! :)